Breaking the Ties That Bind
by la.colombe.de.paix
Summary: The course of true love never did run smooth. The path on which Tonks and Lupin have found their love is long and winding, as they must overcome the obstacles of war, prejudice, and their irreconcilable differences on matters of new life and certain death. Lupin, too, must face the demons of his past and the monsters in his future. Can love really conquer all? From end of HBP. R&R!
1. The Ties That Bind

a/n: these characters are the sole property of jk rowling and warner brothers. i merely play with them for the amusement of myself and hopefully those who read this story. no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. parts of the story that are italicized indicate flashbacks.

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><p><strong>Chapter One: The Ties That Bind<strong>

The morning light crept slowly into the musty bedroom. The sheets were rough against his skin, yet Remus took comfort in its familiarity. After the horrific year of spending time in cold and damp caves and living off what he could find from rubbish bins, any small civil luxury seemed like paradise. His body was sore from the previous night's battle at Hogwarts, but he learned to live with the everyday aches and pains. He woke slowly, letting the sunlight enter his eyes with as little intrusion as possible. He felt so warm and content, which was surprising, finding himself completely bare underneath the sheets.

"_You shouldn't have done that." Remus said. His voice was calm, yet it carried venom. He was completely embarrassed by her outburst in Hospital Wing earlier that evening, and could barely look at her now. "It's none of their business what happens-"_

"_Of course it's their business! They have all noticed the change. Molly's been my own savior since you called it quits, but, Remus, I'm still here." She was close to him, as close as she had been then. Remus could sense her desperation, her need to touch him, her need to be close to him. He closed his eyes and willed himself to be the stronger person._

"_Dora, please, for my own sanity," he pleaded. "Please move on. I can only bring you misery."_

"_And what has this last year brought me? Do you think I want someone else? I could have anyone I fancy, Remus, but I don't want any of them. I want _you_." Her voice was quiet yet held all the passion and exasperation she had been holding inside for a year. "Remus, I need you, I love you. Please say that you need me too. I know you do, if you would only admit it to yourself."_

His vision returning to its full potential, he braced himself up in bed, looking to his right finding he was not alone. Her sleeping form was beautifully outlined in the bright morning light, now coming in cascades through the window. The brown hair around her face was thicker, healthier looking and her face had more color than Remus had seen all year. He gently moved a stray hair away from her face, gently drawing with his hand the contours of her cheekbone. His hand strayed down her bare back, gently outlining each vertebra in her spine. She had become so thin during the past year; so much so that as she inhaled, Remus could count each rib under her skin.

"_Dora, we have been over this so many times before, I am a dark creature. Every month I have the potential to kill, to hurt you, to infect you."_

"_But we have ways of-"_

"_I have seen what my kind can do. We are a bloodthirsty race, who should be made to live in a pack with our own kind. It was foolish of me to pretend for so long that this wasn't a part of my life."_

"_But you are nothing like those-"_

"_I killed a man!" Broken, on the verge of tears, Remus stood squarely in front of Tonks and looked her in the eye. She hesitated only for a moment, but it was enough for Remus to see terror creep into her subconscious._

"_Remus, I've killed before-" she began, but Remus cut her off because she knew what she was about to say._

"_But that's different, you've killed Death Eaters. People whose hearts and minds have been poisoned with evil, those who have lost their own humanity. This good, innocent man did not deserve to die, and I killed him. I killed him with my own hands, and under the influence of the moon is no excuse for harming an innocent life. I have seen what I can do, Dora, and I never want to put you in that position. Ever." He turned his back on her, not wanting her to see how he had finally succumb to the tears now falling gently down his cheeks. But she had noticed, and put a small hand on his shoulder._

"_It wasn't your fault, Remus," she said quietly. "It's all in the past. It wasn't your fault."_

Remus opened his mouth to speak her name, wake her gently, but the full realization of what they had done last night had come crashing down upon him. He drew his hand away quickly, as though her flesh had burned him. He had to leave, before she woke up, before he could ruin her life even more.

Dumbledore was dead, and he was lying in bed contemplating making love to the woman next to him. He should be out doing something, helping McGonagall prepare for the funeral, find Harry to see how the poor boy was handling the death of his mentor, something, _anything_, to take his mind away from what had happened in this room. He quickly swung his legs around to the edge of the bed so he could leave as quickly and quietly as possible. But it was too late. The shifting of weight made Nymphadora realize her partner was leaving her.

"Remus, where are you going?"

"_It wasn't your fault Remus," she said stroking his hair the way she used to. Remus sobbed a little into her shoulder. "It's alright, Remus, it's all over, you don't have to go back to those creatures ever again. You're safe, you're home."_

"_I've been a fool, Dora, I've been a terrible fool." He said, his chest still heaving with sobs, all sense of manly strength forgotten._

"_We have all been fools. What's important is that you're safe, and we can start over." But even in his state of physical and mental breakdown, something struck a cord within him._

"_Dora, please, we can't do this, we can't just start over. I'm not-"_

"_Now stop this, Remus Lupin. I am sick of your ancient chivalry. I am an Auror, for fuck's sake. I can protect myself. Now, if you done being a prat, shut up and kiss me." Remus had no time to react, no time to think of the ramifications. All he could think or feel was her lips on his, the warm sensations it created sending shivers up and down his spine. He was completely lost in her kiss, in her touch._

_Something simply registered in his mind that this was where he needed to be; this was home, here in her arms, lost in her kiss. He led her upstairs; into the bedroom they had shared at Grimmauld Place, in a time much simpler than this. Their clothes seemed to simply melt away as their need for each other's skin grew into a greater frenzy. Everything was blurred by the passion that was created between them. All Remus knew was the want to kiss every inch of her body, but Tonks had become too impatient for slow lovemaking. After months of waiting for him, for just a letter saying how sorry he was, or even that he was safe, Tonks wanted nothing more than for Remus to take her swiftly and completely._

"_Please," she begged him, as she felt his erection grazing her inner thigh. "Please, I need you Remus."_

_He did not need any more persuasion. He pushed forcefully inside of her, letting out a moan over the pleasure he was receiving. She gasped, in the familiar way Remus knew that she was enjoying what he was doing. They were lost in one another. Lost in the sensations of pleasure, of rediscovering one another, of being at peace at last. There was elegance, a frenzied grace, in the coupling of their bodies. Finally, after much anticipation, Remus was pushed over the edge, spilling himself inside of her. Breathing heavily he rolled onto his side, his smile visibly apparent in the darken room._

"_You see," she said breathlessly. She ran a hand through his hair, and he took pleasure in feeling the way her nails would scratch lightly against his scalp. It was one of the unconscious mannerisms that made Remus fall in love with Tonks in the first place. "This is where you need to be. This is where we are whole." He looked over to her lithe body breathing heavily. He pulled her tightly to him, holding her with all the ferocity of the longing he felt. Kissing her delicately on her eyelids, moving down to her pink lips. "I love you," she whispered softly to him._

He flinched at the sound of her voice. Standing up he quickly responded, "Nowhere. Just going to the loo."

"Well, hurry up. I fully expect you to take advantage of me this morning." She said lazily, rolling over so she was on her back, grinning and stretching out on the bed. Remus watched as the sheets moved, leaving her breasts exposed.

He gave her a small smile, gazing at this perfect goddess before him, and for a moment he was content. But the moment quickly passed as he could not suppress the guilt he was beginning to feel, the way it started to gnaw at his insides like some deadly parasite, and he knew what they had done was a mistake.

"Remus," she said warningly, as though reading his mind. "Listen, we didn't do anything wrong last night. In fact, we did exactly what we both needed. So, no regrets?"

He took a moment to watch her, a slight pout on her lips but looking resolute. "No regrets," he said, pulling her face to his to kiss her gently on her waiting lips. She sat up in bed, pulling him deeper in the kiss so that he was forced to bend over the bed as her hands intertwined with his hair. "Dora," Remus said in between needed breaths of air. "Nymphadora, as much as I want to do this. We have some other things to think about."

"There is nothing more… important… than what we are… doing …right now…" she said in between the trail of kisses she left down his neck onto his collar bone.

"There is, unfortunately, the matter of Dumbledore."

She stopped instantly. She looked up into his eyes and for a moment, it seemed she might begin to cry.

"Dumbledore," she said quietly, suddenly realizing everything that had happened the night before. "Dumbledore's gone."

"He is, and we have to be there for Minerva, for Harry, for everyone who needs to grieve. We need to formulate a plan, we need to begin the search for Snape." He almost spat out the man's name. Remus still could not believe the treachery Snape had committed. Dumbledore had trusted him so inherently; it was hard to believe Snape could have betrayed such a trust.

"Remus, I can't believe it, for a moment, I thought he was…" she took in a deep shuddering sigh, as though quelling the urge to cry. She rested her head against his chest taking a moment to breathe. "Everything was so perfect last night, but I forgot what had brought us here in the first place. How could I just forget?" She looked up at him, her large eyes searching his to find some truth or some comfort. "You're right of course. But shouldn't we wait for more instructions from Minerva, or Mad-Eye?"

"I will send an owl out to both of them for their instructions, but I'm sure Minerva is still trying to deal with the aftermath of the Death Eaters in the school, with the injured, with the breach in security, with… the funeral." He almost could not say the last words. Some how saying them aloud made everything true, made the situation permanent. It was as though not acknowledging it might bring him back, as though this was all just some sick and cruel joke. "We should go," he said, gently pulling away from her. The room suddenly felt colder without the touch of her skin against his.

"Remus, you are coming back to me, right? Later, after we've helped McGonagall." She looked so timid, so terribly young, that in that instant, Remus never knew how he could have ever left her. But reality is a cruel mistress, and every single reason came flooding back.

_Seeing her lying so deadly still in the hospital bed, he saw for the first time just how delicate her life was. Sirius was dead. He had watched him fall through the veil in the Department of Mysteries never to return. The one last connection to the life he used to have was gone, and suddenly he was utterly alone, so isolated from everyone he loved. Sirius was gone, and Tonks seriously injured, her limp body being carried to St. Mungo's Hospital for more testing. Harry was safe, although not unharmed. He too had watched his godfather slip into the unknown, and in doing so, lost the only real father figure he had ever known. Harry was being helped back to Hogwarts by Dumbledore, who promised Remus he would watch over the boy and help him through his grief. It all passed by in a haze. Remus only felt semiconscious of the entire proceedings. He was oblivious to the press, oblivious to the Minister of Magic making a statement, oblivious to the fact he was crying._

_A warm hand clasped him on the shoulder._

"_Why don't you go and visit Tonks. She should be settled in a room by now." Kingsley Shacklebolt's low soothing voice woke Remus slightly from his reverie._

"_Yes, of course, I'll, uh, go do that." Kingsley watched Remus leave, making sure he was all right, before talking with the Minister of Magic. Remus left; glad to have orders, glad to have something to do besides stand here wallowing in self-pity and grief, glad he had a place to sleep tonight._

_He and Nymphadora had been romantically involved for some time now, fueled in part by the ruminations of Sirius. In the beginning, Tonks strictly wanted to keep things "casual". However, they had slowly started to become an important piece of the other's life. In a moment of intense passion, she had professed her love for him. It was a sentiment he shared, but never declared aloud._

_But seeing her lying here, the brave, stubborn, beautiful woman he had fallen in love with, looking so helpless, so defenseless, he knew he had to end things between them. He had been delusional to think it would have ever worked out. Every month brought the potential to have her lying here in hospital, so pale and lifeless, and the thought of causing her such harm was more painful than the thought of losing her from his life._

"Of course," he said, with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. He would explain to her later that of course they could still be friends, that they could see each other once and a while, but ultimately, the danger was too great. She had to see reason; he loved her too much to waste her life on him.

"Remus Lupin, I know that look." She said, grabbing his arm sharply rooting him to the spot. "What did McGonagall say, 'Dumbledore more than anyone would have wanted to see some more love in the world.' And we love each other don't we? Why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours that I'm not going anywhere, that I love you, that I would do anything for you."

"Dora, you still don't seem to understand. What kind of life could I give you? You would become a social outcast. I am a known werewolf. You, in all likelihood, would lose your job at the Ministry, and I have no way of supporting us because jobs are scarce, especially for me."

"I don't care! We would make it work, we could fight through this, fight through the prejudices, fight the laws."

"Okay, so we fight. What then? You would want a family, you would want children. I can't give you children, Dora, there is too great a risk they would be like me, that I would infect them."

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, Remus. I am not going to pretend that the thought hasn't crossed my mind. Yes, I would want a family with you, but I wouldn't care if they were our biological children, or adopted children, or if we have a giant pack of dogs running around. I just want to be with you. That's all the family I need."

He sighed heavily, looking down at his feet. She was still too young to know what she would want in the future.

"There is no excuse you can give me, Remus that would change my mind about the matter." She crossed her arms over her chest, indicating the matter was closed.

"Nymphadora-"

"No, I won't listen to it anymore! I didn't give up on us this past year, and I'm not going to give up on us now. I know you're saying all of this because you think you're protecting me, or some rubbish, but I don't need protection, I don't need saving. I'm a fully-grown witch, capable of making her own decisions. Besides, we love each other, what greater force is there?"

Taking in another deep breath he got up from the bed. A life with her? Was there prospect more glorious? He couldn't think of one, yet, some tiny voice in the back of his head was still telling him that this was a mistake. But didn't he deserve some happiness? Didn't he deserve a chance at getting what he wanted? "Alright," he said, finally resigning himself to the fact that he was going to make this work. He bent down again, kissing her on the forehead. "I need to get changed. Are you coming with me to the school?"

"I should, I'm sure Mad-Eye could use some Aurors around the grounds." Getting out of bed, Remus took in her naked form as she searched for her clothes, littered all over the floor. She was so beautiful, her brown hair falling gracefully down her back. Remus wanted a life with her, with this beautiful creature before him, but what kind of life would it be? Her optimism was contagious and Remus seriously began thinking that perhaps they could make it work.

She turned around, watching him stare at her. "You know, we could wait just a little while longer. I mean, its not like we're expected." She said, walking seductively over to him. He chuckled appreciatively.

"You'll be the death of me, you know that?"

"Hmm, death by seduction. I can't think of a better way to go." She said before pulling him fiercely into a kiss.

He tried to protest, but he was lost; lost in her kiss, lost in the desire, lost in the need of escape. He could feel his body responding to her touch, to her impatient need, to her frantic roaming hands, warming his skin with every caress, every kiss. She moved slowly backwards, toward the bed, finding the edge of it, she laid down, pulling him down with her, their lips never leaving the others. She wrapped possessive arms around him, almost daring him to try and move away from her now. Eyes and lips entwined, he touched her breast with a slightly trembling hand but she covered it with her own, moving it to massage her breast. Emboldened, he dipped his head and kissed one milky white mound gently, then the other, hot breath thick on her as he dropped a fervent kiss down to her stomach then farther, a low growl in his throat. A moan escaped her lips, as her body tightened and lightly pushed toward him, as his lips opened and the wet heat of his mouth enveloped her, making her cry out. Her breathing was becoming staggered, sharp in takes of breath, eyes closed tightly, enjoying the sensation he was giving her.

"Remus," she begged. He didn't need further instructions. Leaning into her, she reached down to touch him, hard and solid. She could wait no more and pulled her hand away to grab at his hips. He immediately moved forward to push slowly, easily into her. She opened her eyes to find him looking at her, and she smiled at him, breasts slightly heaving and her eyes closing once again grabbing hold of him, nails digging sharply into the scarred flesh on his back.

He moved in gentle caresses, teasing her by pulling out ever so slowly, then back into her depths, finding the place that made her open her mouth to moan. She cried out in pleasure leaning her head back into the pillow, hands twisting into the bed sheets. Wrapping her legs around his waist, granting him further access within her, he moved faster and with more intensity, riding a wave of pure passion. Feeling the muscles contract within her, she cried out his name as he too gave into the great release, spilling everything he had inside her. Panting, they both looked at each other, staring so intensely at each other it was as though they saw their own souls reflected in the other's eyes. Slowly, Remus pulled himself away, laying his body next to hers, his breathing finally returning to normal.

Tonks contented herself next to snuggle in closer to his body, which was still slick with sweat. He pulled a protective arm around her and kissed the top of her head. But it was then he noticed something peculiar.

"Uh, Dora," he said.

"Hmm…" she said, her eyes lazily closing with contentment.

"Your hair."

"What about it?"

"Its, well, it looks different."

"It's brown, I know. Hideous, you can blame my mum for it. You're more accustomed to something brighter-"

"No, no it's not that, it's, well it's changing colors."

"What?" She sat bolt upright in bed. Scrambling, she went into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Sure enough, her long brunette hair was changing into a rich auburn with bold red highlights. She squealed with delight. "Remus! You know what this means?"

"I don't, no." He said, bemused with the scene.

"I'm getting my powers back, I'm morphing again!" She rushed back into bed, jumping on top of him, kissing his face all over. "I haven't done it in ages, and now, it's coming back! This is a sign, Remus; this is because we are meant to be together." She smiled so brightly, so full of pure joy that Remus couldn't help but smile with her.

"You know, I just can't seem to function without you." She said with a quiet affection, kissing him lightly on the nose. "Quick! Think of a color!"

"Uh, blue." He said. She scrunched up her face and sure enough, her hair turned into a pale blue green, almost like the color of the ocean.

"Did it work?"

"It's a little pale, but yeah, it worked."

She hugged him tightly, and Remus wrapped his arms around her, hoping to hold forever onto the memory of the absolute joy on her face. Perhaps McGonagall was right; Dumbledore wanted more love in the world, and Remus could see the logic in this philosophy.

_The first time she had kissed him was something Remus would never forget. Not because it was particularly good, but because she had done it right in front of Sirius, and the expression on his face was priceless. The three of them were in Grimmauld Place, enjoying the finest of the Black Manor's wine, and recounting stories of mischief making at Hogwarts._

"_I'm telling you, Tonks," Sirius said, his words slurring with drink. "Our Moony here was one of the best Marauders in the school."_

"_Not nearly as good as you and James, Padfoot." Remus countered. "I didn't get into trouble nearly as much as the two of you."_

"_Yeah, you were always a little bit of a goody-goody. Was made prefect fifth year I nearly died with laughter. If only Dumbledore knew the shit we would get up to." Sirius said, his laughter like a bark._

"_A Marauding Lupin? This is something I would have to see." Tonks laughed pouring the rest of the bottle into each of their goblets._

"_Oh yeah, it's always the quiet ones you have to look out for. Plus, he was the one who usually could lure the girls in," Sirius sniggered._

"_Now, you know that's not true." Remus said. "In fact, I had loads of trouble picking up girls. It was you, and especially James with his Qudditch playing, that were able to get the girls."_

"_Are you kidding? Most of the time the only reason they came up to us, Moony, was to ask us to introduce them to you. He was the one they all wanted to talk to, the shy guy in the corner, with that air of mystery, always asking why he would leave from school so often. So naïve they were…"_

"_Now that I could see." Tonks said. Grinning she held her glass aloft in a salute to Remus. "To Remus Lupin, secret sex god of Hogwarts." They all burst out into roars of laughter. But soon it was only Sirius who was laughing because Tonks had left her chair to wrap her arms around Remus' neck and was giving him a long kiss. She looked into his eyes inches away from his face, smiling very contently, and returned to her seat. It looked as though _Petrificus Totalus_ had just struck Sirius dumb. His face constricted and eyes wide, mouth agape as strange, strangling noises came from the back of his throat, having a complete loss for words. Remus felt the way Sirius looked._

"_Well, those girls certainly didn't know what they were missing," Tonks said, a smug smile on her face. That was the first of many kisses, but the last in front of Sirius Black._

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><p>an: so after reading deathly hallows, i was pretty distraught over tonks and remus (i mean, really?). but as the final film is coming to an end, i wanted to tell their story, almost as a cathartic act to help me cope. so i am beginning at the end of hbp to the end of dh. hopefully i have wetted your appetites for more! i appreciate all comments, so please review!


	2. Memories of Old

**a/n**: these characters are the sole property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers. no copyright infringement is intended. m rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence (in later chapters).

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Memories of Old<strong>

Just as they had decided to spend the day in bed together, Remus received an owl from Minerva, asking him to join her in the headmaster's office. He smiled at the postscript: _"As you should be with Nymphadora, please ask her to come along as well."_

So, he, Tonks, and prominent members of the Order of the Phoenix, gathered in the late headmaster's office, where Minerva McGonagall reluctantly sat in the large ornate chair behind the ancient desk. Many of the members were speaking in low voices, not daring to speak any louder as though they were at someone's deathbed. He had walked into the room holding tightly to Tonks' hand, needing all the support she could give him when facing this room without seeing Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes staring back at him from behind that desk. Some how it didn't feel the same. Kingsley gave him an appreciative nod, and a knowing smiling seeing them together like this.

McGonagall cleared her throat, and instantly the room fell completely still and silent. "I've gathered you all here this morning to discuss what is going to happen over the next few days, as well as what is happening with Harry Potter. The teachers and I have decided to allow the students, those whose parents allow them to stay, to attend Dumbledore's funeral, which will be held in two days time. Following afterward, the students will take the train as usual and go home for the summer holiday. All examinations have been cancelled. Now, as for Potter, it was Dumbledore's expressed wish that the boy remain at his aunt and uncle's house until the time of his coming of age at the end of July, due to the protection it provides him from his mother's sacrifice. Now, I feel like we should put the boy in a safe house after he leaves school, at least until we can come up with a better plan seeing as Severus Snape knew of our plans to have Potter remain at Privet Drive. However, I am not one to go against Dumbledore's wishes. We will of course have Order members on guard around the clock until the time we feel it would be safe to move the boy. I now turn it over to Alastor, who has agreed to lead the Order following Dumbledore's... departure."

Clunking his way to the front of the room, Mad-Eye Moody began in his stern, gruff voice.

"Those of us who have been working at the Ministry feel certain You-Know-Who might have spies within with the purpose of monitoring closely any forms of magic from Potter's house, especially any magical means of transportation. So, we have devised a plan that will hopefully ensure Potter's safety as we move him from Privet Drive to the Burrow, which has been given all manner of security and enchantments and will serve as new headquarters for the time being."

Remus looked over to Arthur and Molly Weasley, who were looking grim, but determined. They were putting their family in great danger, using their home as new Headquarters, but they were two of the most unselfishly brave people Remus ever knew.

"Now, the idea is that should You-Know-You get wind of the new date, he won't be able to tell who the real Potter is. We will have several members take Polyjuice Potion to act as decoys. Each of the new Potters will have a senior member of the Order accompany them. Different pairs will land at various safe locations, before taking a scheduled Portkey to the Burrow." A few of the Order members were looking questioningly around at one another, as to how such a complicated scheme had been hatched. "The plan was conceived by Mundungus, who seems to have finally prove himself useful."

"Oi! Now I may not do the combat stuff, but I do have some good ideas from time to time." Mundungus said looking taken aback and slightly flustered. Remus never liked Mundungus, though he had proven somewhat useful to the Order for information from of his shady connections and underground dealings.

Moody ignored Mundungus. "It's simple enough, the strategy of decoys has been around for centuries-"

"I thought it was pretty clever..." Mundungus muttered resentfully.

"We just need volunteers." Moody said sternly, choosing to ignore Dung's comment. Both Remus and Tonks immediately raised their hands as well as Kingsley, Arthur Weasley, and Hagrid.

"Mundungus, I'm volunteering you as one of the decoys seeing as it was your plan." Said Moody.

"Now, Mad-Eye, s'not fair, and you know it. If I don't want to do summin', I shouldn't be expected to do it, alright?"

"Mundungus," Moody growled.

"Alright, alright! But I'm traveling with you," he said pointing at Moody.

"I do know Bill said he would be willing to participate in anything as soon as he's feeling up to it," said Mr. Weasley, "and I'm sure Fred and George would be more than willing to join in."

"How will we move Harry and the decoys if all the methods of transport are being watched?" asked Mrs. Weasley quietly, looking scared but resolute.

"We'll fly," Moody said simply. "Brooms I'd say, seeing as Potter is a fair flyer and it's what the Death Eaters will be expecting." Moody looked around the room for more questions. Seeing no more continued on. "Good. We'll figure out the rest of the arrangements later. I've put in a request at the Ministry for a band of Aurors to accompany Potter on 30 July, but I have no doubt the request will be denied. It is merely a false lead in case any of those filthy Death Eaters may be listening in. So I don't need to remind each and every one of you that this is information of the strictest confidence, so there will be no loose lips. Minerva?" Mad-Eye said limping back into the corner.

"Right, as we plan to move Potter, everyone should continue with your respective jobs, especially those at the Ministry, as we need as many eyes and ears as we can. Alastor is confident in the job Scrimgeour is doing with keeping the Ministry together, but we can never be too cautious. As we know the Dementors have left Azkaban Prison, so it is only a matter of time before another mass break out occurs and more loyal follows of You-Know-Who are reunited with their master. As for information concerning Severus," McGonagall took a moment, sadly shaking her head. "We all feel his betrayal deeply as we all wanted to believe the best in him. However, the evidence is overwhelming that he has returned to You-Know-Who, and he has in fact been working for him the entire time. Known places where Order meetings had concluded have had special enchantments place upon them."

"Constant vigilance," barked Mad-Eye Moody from the corner of the room, making a few people jump. "That's all we need with this snake, constant vigilance."

"Alastor's right, we all need to be especially careful. We don't know what kind of Dark Magic he is capable of; but no doubt he has learned much over the years." McGonagall said, still shaking her head in disbelief, her eyes misting over with tears. It was the first time Remus had seen such emotion from his old Head of House. "Well, that's all. Alastor has a few things to say to the Aurors, and Remus I would like to talk with you privately."

Tonks gave Remus a quick squeeze of her hand in his before meeting up with Mad-Eye. Some of the other Order members stood around talking quietly to one another, while others simply left. Remus wished he were one of those who could leave. It felt odd, intrusive, to be in this room without Dumbledore here, as though he were spying or snooping where he shouldn't be.

"Remus, I just have a couple of questions and then you're free to leave."

"Of course, what's the matter?"

"First, Dumbledore and Harry were working on something together just before he died and when I questioned the boy, he refused to tell me, saying Dumbledore made him swear to tell no one. I was wondering if he might have confided in you to his plans, or if you knew what he was doing with Albus."

"I don't, Minerva, and I wish I did because I fear for his safety. Going on missions with Dumbledore is one thing, but going out there alone, with every Dark Wizard wanting you dead is quite another. Knowing Harry's loyalty to Dumbledore, however, I doubt he will tell me, but I will see if he might all the same."

"Thank you, Remus, this could be of great importance to the Order, as well as his safety."

"Of course."

"Second, I was wondering about your own mission with the werewolves. I know Greyback was one of the Death Eaters to attack the school, and if he saw you fighting, this could have compromised your position."

"Well, I never was really able to infiltrate the pack completely," he said scratching the back of his head. "They saw me as a man who has tried to assimilate with the wizarding world for too much of his life. And as a known supporter of Dumbledore, no matter how much I tried to deny it, there were not many who came to trust me." McGonagall had a look of disappointment on her face and Remus could not bear to see pity in her eyes. "It's alright, Minerva. It was an eye-opening experience to be sure, and I was not completely unsuccessful. I was able to convince two or three others that wizarding kind was not all bad and we might be able to fight the laws that keep us from the rest of society. I don't know how much of it stuck, but hopefully it planted the seed of doubt and mistrust in Greyback in their minds."

"Do you think that you might be able to contact them again? I know that I am putting you in great danger, Remus, but having some connection to what Greyback is doing might help us plan ahead for anything You-Know-Who might be planning."

"Yes, of course, Minerva," he said, starting to comprehend what she was asking him. He unconsciously looked over to Nymphadora, who was talking animatedly to Mad-Eye. He felt a cool hand on his arm.

"I wouldn't ask unless it was vital to our success." McGonagall said, seeing the look he gave Tonks. "You should let her know what your doing."

"No, the less she knows the better."

"She's not a child, Remus. Nymphadora is more than capable of taking care of herself."

"I know, it's just…" But Remus couldn't find the words.

McGonagall smiled sadly at him. "You want to keep her safe. Just as much as you would want to keep Harry safe."

"I love her," he said simply, but the words sounded odd passing his lips. He never really admitted it aloud to anyone, much less Minerva McGonagall. "I cannot bear the thought of something happening to her that could have been prevented."

"I know, Remus. But you, more than anyone, deserve happiness and a chance for a normal life. We have asked a lot of you this past year, and although I didn't agree with Dumbledore when he sent you on this mission, you are a vital part of the Order. And you are no longer the little boy who had to be led to the Whomping Willow every month." McGonagall smiled wistfully. "The disadvantage of being a professor for as long as I have; everyone is still the child you taught, no matter how many years go by."

"I suppose that's how parents feel, watching their own children grow up." Remus said, patting his old professor on the arm. "Thank you, Minerva."

"Yes, yes, of course. Now, get along, I have so much to do before most of the Wizarding world shows up at Hogwarts." She said, taking out a handkerchief, dabbing the corners of her eyes.

"Ughhh," Tonks said seeing him approach her. "Mad-Eye's given me a double shift tonight patrolling the grounds. I won't be able to see you until tomorrow evening! The man is absolutely cruel." She wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a quick kiss. "Come on then, we have loads to catch up on, and very little time to do it in." She grinned, taking him by the hand and leading him out of the office.

The castle Remus noticed, seem to be deserted. The lack of laughing students, rushing around trying to get to class on time, the general hum and tangible energy of the place seem to have left when Dumbledore had. If it weren't for Nymphadora holding his hand, he thought surely he would be lost within his own grief. Not only for the loss of Dumbledore, who had been one of the only people to accept him in the beginning of his life, but for the way this hallowed place now contained such a feeling of death within its walls.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, I have come tonight to express my interest in having Remus come to our school." Remus was peaking his head out of the door, seeing who had come to call, and why he was sent to his room with very little instruction._

"_Professor Dumbledore, with all due respect, our son is not right for Hogwarts. I assure you that my wife and I are giving Remus a proper education, as I have stated in my previous correspondence." His father replied in a respectful, yet brisk tone. Remus wondered what had his father so on edge._

"_Mr. Lupin, I have no doubt that you and your wife are giving him a fine education. I simply wish to see the boy have a chance to meet young people his own age, and to receive one of the finest magical educations in the country."_

"_Professor Dumbledore," Remus' mother said timidly. "Remus cannot be around children his own age."_

"_And why can't he?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly. "I can find nothing wrong with the boy, and he appears to be quite advanced, magically speaking."_

"_Professor, surely you know our son… well, he has an _affliction_." His father said, still clearly not comprehending what Dumbledore was doing here in the first place._

"_If you mean his lycanthropy," Dumbledore said, still smiling as his mother cringed, "I am well aware of your son's condition."_

"_Then surely you can see why we cannot have him go to Hogwarts." His father said, not trying to keep the contempt from his voice._

"_Mr. Lupin... John, Hogwarts is home to any witch or wizard who wishes to learn and advance themselves in the magical arts, regardless of any preexisting condition. Now this might not have been the case when Professor Dippet was Headmaster, but I assure you now that I am Headmaster, Hogwarts would be proud to have Remus."_

"_The children would shun him," his mother said in a fierce whisper. "And what if he was to get loose and bite someone? He could be sent to Azkaban!"_

_Dumbeldore smiled kindly at Mrs. Lupin. "Of course, we would take every precaution to prevent any harm coming to the other students, and apart for a night out of each month, there is no reason Remus cannot be like any other student. There would be no need for the other children to know about his condition. We can simply say he was visiting home, or seeing an elderly relative. Believe me, Mrs. Lupin, we can keep secrets at Hogwarts."_

"_Professor Dumbledore, you don't know what it's like, listening to him every month, screaming in pain. He has hurt himself so many times…" His mother stopped as tears constricted her voice._

"_He will receive the best medical care Hogwarts can offer. Madame Pompfrey will carefully look after him after each transformation. Caroline, he will be safe in our care."_

"Remus, are you listening to me?" Tonks looked expectantly at him. He shook his head to clear himself of the feeling of overwhelming loss.

"Sorry, no, my mind was elsewhere, what were you saying?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go over to the Three Broomsticks to get some lunch. I know the kitchens here are open for our use, but I figured something a little stronger than Pumpkin Juice might be in order."

"A drink sounds perfect." He said, looking into her large dark eyes. He gently placed a hand to her pale cheek, before lowering his head slowly to kiss her deeply on her full pink lips. He moved his head away, to watch as she slowly fluttered open her eyes.

"What was that for?" she asked quietly.

"I do love you, Nymphadora, you know that right?" He asked, searching those big beautiful eyes.

She smiled contentedly. "Of course I do, you duffer. You just need reminding in your old age."

He barked out a laugh. "I guess I do, don't I?" He interlaced one of his hands with one of hers. "Come on, let's get that drink."

They had a peaceful drink in the Three Broomsticks, quietly talking of nothing in particular, watching the different witches and warlocks come and go through the musty inn, before going upstairs to the room Tonks had let for the past year due to her on going job guarding the Hogwarts grounds.

When they were alone again, they approached each other cautiously, kissing the other with a slow burning intensity. They unhurriedly made love, making sure to explore every part of their bodies, to kiss every inch of skin. It was patient and tender, much different from the frenzied need of recent occasions. Afterwards, Remus was quick to fall asleep, feeling peaceful and content, but very tired, and much older than his thirty-seven years.

When he woke, it was dark outside, and he was alone in bed. "Dora?" He called out to the empty room. Rubbing his eyes, he got of bed to find a note on the desk.

_Darling, you looked so peaceful while you slept I didn't want to wake you. Started my patrol of the grounds, and will see you tomorrow (unless you care to join me, where we might find an empty broom cupboard to explore). All my love, your Dora._

He got dressed, and feeling hungry, went downstairs to the pub to get something to eat. He found it quite full, as wizards and witches, goblins and all manner of mysterious creatures had started to gather from all over the world in preparation for Dumbledore's funeral. He squeezed his way to the counter and ordered a butterbeer and steak and chips. Scanning the room for an empty table, he was happy to find Kingsley Shacklebolt, drinking a glass of something dark amber, which Remus recognized as Fire Whiskey. He waved at Remus to come and sit.

"Remus," his low voice said, shaking his hand. "How are you?"

"Alright," he said truthfully. "Yourself? Shouldn't you be with the Muggle Prime Minister?"

"I have the night off. Besides, I need to be back to do work for the Order, and make sure things haven't gone completely to hell at our own Ministry."

"Are things that bad?" Remus asked. Being underground for the past year, and without Tonks' colorful commentary, he had been left him completely unaware of anything going on within the Ministry for Magic.

"I'm actually surprised Scrimgeour has held onto everything this long, even though Moody seems to think he's doing a bang up job. Better than Fudge, I suppose. But morale is pretty low, and more former Death Eaters are coming out of the woodwork to claim positions left vacant by those too scared to continue, or perhaps too intimidated. Have you heard about this new Blood Status Regulation Bill?" Remus shook his head having put a handful of chips in his mouth. "Well, everyone has to declare their blood status, and if it is at all suspicious, they have to prove without a doubt their lineage. It all just reeks of Death Eaters having an easier time rounding up the Muggleborns and Muggle supporters."

"You really think it might pass?"

"Not if sensible members of the Magical Law Enforcement community have anything to say about it. Although, Pius Thicknesse has not been acting like himself lately…"

"I can't imagine how they are going to classify those like me," Remus said with an air of bitterness, taking a long swig from his butterbeer. "Half-blood, with traces of wolf."

Kingsley nodded grimly. "There is also talk of stricter dangerous magical creature containment, headed by Dolores Umbridge."

"That prejudiced old toad," he gave a short laugh drinking the last of his butterbeer. "Well, I don't stand a chance. She was the one who made it impossible for my kind to find work in Wizarding communities. 'Too close to decent society' I think was the excuse."

Kingsley looked sadly at him, clasping one of his large hands on Remus' shoulder. "It will all turn out for the best. Besides, who has time to work when we have a war going on? It always seems odd to me when there are such moments of normalcy when there are people dying as we speak."

"Though a funeral does seem appropriate," Remus said, indicating all the people in the pub. "I really don't see how the school is going to continue after this year."

"Is Minerva considering keeping the school open?"

"I'm not sure. And I'm not sure that she should. The children should really be with their families. Though of course, Hogwarts might be the safest place for them if any of their family members are wanted by Voldemort."

Remus and Kingsley sat together well into the night, talking of ministry regulations, the previous war, and of course Dumbledore, toasting several times to his memory. Before long, Madame Rosmerta was shooing out the drunken patrons who had not found accommodations in the rooms upstairs, and Remus bid Kingsley goodnight.

Back in bed, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to happen, or that he had forgotten to do something. _There is a war going on_, he reminded himself.

The next morning, he woke up expecting to find Tonks lying next to him, but he was disappointed to find the bed empty. Frowning, he remembered she was on an all night patrol. He wondered if the students sleeping safely in their beds inside the castle appreciated just how much they were looked after.

Thinking of the coming days, he decided to Apparate to his own place to get his best suit and other toiletries he felt that he needed. It was the house that he grew up in, left to him when his mother died. But because of the unstable nature of work, the house had fallen into a state of disrepair, and in desperation, Remus had sold almost all of the furnishings, as well as most of his mother's beloved collection of jewelry.

Looking around his nearly empty place, he began to feel again the guilt of inadequacy. How could a woman love someone whose few worldly possessions were second hand and terribly outdated? Remembering his newfound resolve to be optimistic, he pushed the feelings to the back of his mind, but the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach lingered. Quickly packing everything he needed into a duffle bag, he left the cottage, magically locking the door behind him. Apparating back to the village, he went back to the Three Broomsticks to put away his things.

Looking in the closets, he saw Tonks' vast wardrobe, a multitude of colors and styles and costumes for disguises. Smiling, he pushed them gently to one side of the closet so he could hang his shabby suit. It was then he noticed a small box in the corner. Curiosity getting the better of him, he pulled it out and opened the lid. Inside were dozens of moving and non-moving photos and little memorabilia from her past.

He watched a two-year-old Nymphadora, a happy ginger, blow out the candles on her birthday cake while her father looked on happily, clapping. He noticed a still photo of Tonks and her Muggle grandparents, looking happy, but a little overwhelmed at their exuberant granddaughter. He watched as a beaming Andromeda and an equally happy Tonks, her hair a dark green, wave her acceptance letter to Hogwarts at the camera. He watched a teenage Tonks, hair blonde and curly, being kissed on the cheek before punching playfully the arm of a teenage Charlie Weasley. He saw Mad-Eye Moody try to block the camera lens with his hand. He watched as Sirius stood in mock seriousness next to Tonks, hair short and pink, laughing in front of the infamous Black Family Tree.

It was then he saw himself. He was looking, with an easy smile on his lips, down at a beaming Tonks, hair long and light purple, who had her arm around his waist, gazing contentedly back at Remus. He almost didn't recognize himself; he looked so young, so carefree.

_The day was cool, especially so for the month of June. Free from the responsibilities to the Ministry or to the Order, Remus had decided to take Tonks out for dinner in Muggle London, promising a very restless Sirius to bring him back leftovers, and more whiskey. Walking hand-in-hand, they wandered along the Thames, crossing Tower Bridge to sightsee the busy metropolis before their reservation. Looking curiously into shop windows, they debated the necessities of some Muggle inventions, and Remus wondered what it was like for Tonks having grown up with a television set, a device that had always fascinated Remus._

_The look of contentment he saw on her face, the ease in which they shared conversations, and the total trust they had in one another were the some of the ways he had so easily fallen in love with her. Remus had not known such happiness since his days at Hogwarts. Giving him a sideways look and grinning mischievously, Tonks ran up to an unsuspecting Muggle, asking him to take their picture with her camera. He agreed, and Tonks ran back over to Remus, wrapping a warm arm around his waist, as the Muggle fumbled with the unfamiliar camera. Absently finding the correct button, the light flashed brilliantly, taking them both by surprise, capturing the candid moment. The Muggle apologize and took another photo, this time Remus and Tonks looking into the camera, smiles on their faces, the sun beginning to set over the London skyline._

_They thanked the Muggle and continued their walk until they reached the restaurant._

_It was half way through their dinner did they receive an urgent message that Harry was in danger at the Ministry. Sirius would never receive the leftovers he requested._

He stared at the photograph for a while longer, examining it as though it held important answers to a long sought after mystery. The corners of the photo were curling, and at the top in the center was a small tare, as though she had wanted to rip it in two but thought against it. Remus suddenly felt intrusive, as though he had found her personal journal and was violating her privacy. Putting all the photos back, he returned the box to its corner in the closet.

After a quick but refreshing shower, the day began to past by slowly, and Remus contemplated what McGonagall had asked him to do. He couldn't contact anyone in the pack through the normal methods of communication as they posed too much of a risk for his discovery or the member's deception, and Greyback had not allowed most members to use magic. The only way was to hunt them down and speak with them in person, which too carried a great deal of risk. He knew where most of pack resided, but no doubt Greyback would have moved everyone by now.

He could think of only one person who would not kill him on sight, and that was Lavinia. But it had been two months since he saw her last; rumor around the caves was that Muggle police had captured her on a charge of theft. And by this time, the Muggles would have figured out what she was, and the Ministry of Magic would have had to intervene. Most of the pack were unregistered werewolves, as Lavinia was, which was an offense punishable by a short stay in Azkaban. He might ask Kingsley to make inquiries around the office to see if the Werewolf Capture Unit had recently taken in a female werewolf. As this required more of an explanation than could be achieved through Patronus message, he wrote out a brief note with the ink and paper on the desk, and went into the village to send it along with an owl from the post office.

As it was a beautiful cloudless day outside, Remus decided to walk around the village, examining the increased numbers of people thronging outside shops and restaurants, hoping he might see someone with whom he could spend some time, or at the very least people watch to provide a source of entertainment for the day. The only affect the crowds had, however, was to give him a slight headache from the noise they made. So he left the village and wandered, lost in thought of Dumbledore, before finding himself quite unexpectedly at the Shrieking Shack.

He stared with no resentment at the place that held so many memories, both painful and unfathomable. It was here he had felt some safety from the prying eyes that would otherwise want to keep him in a cage. It was here the Marauders had established themselves. It was here he found Sirius again after years of hating him. He was so lost in his reverie he did not notice a hunched woman limping up lane. She bumped rather severely into him, which quickly brought him back to reality.

"Watch where you're standing, young man, you're blocking the road." She croaked at him.

"Oh, I am so sorry, please excuse me," he started to apologize, looking at the woman. There was something about her eyes…

"Wotcher, Remus," Tonks said excitedly.

"Nymphadora?" he asked, laughing at her disguise.

"What you think? I'm claiming to be a long lost relation to Dumbledore, here to collect my inheritance."

"The hump is a nice touch." He said, touching the large protuberance from her back.

"What are you doing down here? I thought I would have seen you long before now, and not as this old hag. Did you get my note?"

"As much as Hogwarts' broom closets are one of the more fascinating aspects of the castle, I'm not sure the kids would appreciate catching their old Defense professor snogging a lost relation of Dumbledore's."

"Well, I could always morph into a student and you could be giving me some extra lessons," she said, morphing into a beautiful blonde with full lips and large breasts. He chuckled appreciatively. "Come on," she said, pouting her lips dramatically, "what good is guard duty at night if you can't take advantage of the empty corridors and classrooms?"

"Something you know from past experience?" Remus grinned.

She shrugged and smiled, feigning innocence. "Possibly," she said coyly.

"Well, if I was to come up to the castle, and I'm not saying I am, wouldn't that go against Moody's motto of 'constant vigilance'?"

She sighed, "I suppose you're right." She morphed back into the hag. "What are you doing down here, by the way?"

"I could ask you the same question." He said, not wanting to admit he had wanted to spend time at such a gloomy place from his childhood.

"I'm making sure there aren't Death Eaters using the Shack as a camp, plotting their next move against the school. Want to come with me to check it out?"

"Don't you know this place is haunted? Aren't you scared of the terrible ghoul that lives inside? Even Peeves won't go near this place."

"Piss off, Remus, there is no ghoul." But she didn't sound quite so confident. "Come on, you can keep me safe from any big bad ghosty."

He consented and they walk together the remainder of the lane. The door to the entrance of the house was boarded up as well as protected by enchantments to deter any curious students from coming inside.

"Dumbledore told me the spell to counter this once but of course I've forgotten it." She muttered, taking out her wand. She waved it a few times, but Remus could sense she was getting nowhere. He, of course, knew the spell, and of the secret entrance, but debated whether or not to reveal one of his more personal skeletons. Deciding to trust her, he said, "Here," waving his wand removing the enchantments.

"Well, you do come in handy, professor."

Remus was surprised she didn't question him about his understanding of the enchantment. Silently performing _Homenum Revelio_, she said, "Coast is clear," before opening the door. It creak and moaned, dust and debris coming from spaces that had not seen the light of day for years. They walked into the foyer, the glass chandelier releasing more dust into the air as Tonks closed the door too sharply. They both coughed, clearing the dust from their lungs.

In its time, the "shack" was once a beautiful Victorian home housing one of the wealthier wizarding pure blood families, who felt they needed to reside away from the toils of common people in village. But tragedy struck, as the husband went mad after losing all his money to gambling debts and went on a rampage, killing every one in the household and staff before turning the wand on himself. The house had laid abandon and in a state of disrepair until Remus' first year at Hogwarts, where the house underwent covert renovations as well as the addition of the underground tunnel guarded by the Whomping Willow. And the legend of the haunting began, as villagers believed the howling was the ghost of the murderous husband, either crying out for the deaths of his family, or looking for more wizards to kill.

Tonks started to walk around, morphing back into herself, wand always held at the ready. "This place must have been nice in its day." She said looking around, at the vaulted ceilings and crumbling crown molding. Seeing the staircase, she headed up the stairs, which creaked under every step she took, until _thump_! She tripped on the loose floorboard on the landing. Hearing the noise, Remus rushed up the stairs to help her.

"I'm alright," she said as he helped her to her feet.

"Yeah, that board has been loose forever. I've tripped on it myself a few times." He said, brushing the dirt and dust off her black cloak.

"So you've been here before?" she asked, with only a vague hint of curiosity. He still found it strange she wasn't more insistent on finding out Remus' connection to the house. Sensing his hesitance, she added, "I know you used to come here, Remus, when you were at school."

"How?" He asked.

"Sirius." She said simply. "I didn't really need to check out this place; a few of the other Aurors searched it after the attack on the school, especially since Snape knew about the secret entrance. I just wanted to see for myself where you would come when you transformed when you were a kid."

"I can assure you, it's not very pleasant, nor has it changed much since my time here." He said, looking around the landing and into the rooms.

It felt odd talking about this with her. She never talked to him much about his transformations. When she was inducted into the Order, she was told about his condition, but never asked any questions about it. After they spent more time together, on nights after the full moon, she would sometimes bring him a fresh set of clothes, a warm washcloth and a cup of tea, but never asked how it went, as Sirius would obnoxiously. Remus always assumed it was because she herself was a shape shifter; she knew how it felt to be seen as an oddity. She never looked at him with pity or shame because his condition. She was sympathetic without being overbearing, which was one of the reason Remus loved her so much.

"It must have been lonely here," she said quietly starting to go through the bedrooms.

_Walking through the tunnel, Madame Pomfrey wringing her hands nervously, Remus was excited to see where he would be transforming. As part of the conditions to his attending Hogwarts, he was to be led away from the school so there would be little threat to the other children. The house was large, spacious, possibly larger than the cottage he grew up in. It certainly was larger than the dark cellar where he would transform at home, a dark impersonal space where the monster lived._

"_Are you alright, dear?" Madame Pomfrey asked, as she watched Remus explore each of the bedrooms. "Now, I will come and get you tomorrow morning. The tunnel and all the exits have been sealed so they'll be no escaping. There are blankets and a change of robes for you in the largest bedroom, in case you get cold. There is also some water, and some food in case you get hungry. We weren't really sure what you might need, so there's a little bit of everything."_

"_Thank you, ma'am." Remus said politely. It was more than he received at home._

"_Of course, dear," she said, eyeing her watch again to check the time. "Well, the sun is about to set so I'm going to leave you to it. Eh, good luck." She said awkwardly. Remus saw her begin to leave but stopped and turned around. "You are a very brave little boy," she said, and Remus thought she might come up to hug him._

_He didn't really know what to say so muttered a quiet, "thank you," and watched her leave once more._

_After the initial fascination with the house, Remus started feeling quite alone and isolated. At least when he was in the cellar at home, his mother was only ever upstairs should he need her. The large house swayed and creaked in unfamiliar ways, and Remus began to get scared. With the sun giving out the last rays of light before disappearing for the night, it started creating shadows and even more unfamiliar darkness. He had not been at school long enough to cast a proficient light charm, so he sat in the largest room, where large fluffy blankets and clean robes had been laid out for him, and curled himself into a tight ball, hugging his knees as the darkness descended throughout the house. He waited for the moment when he would forget his fear, forget where he was, forget who he was._

"It was difficult at first," he admitted, watching her search the rooms. "But it got better when James and Sirius became Animagi. We would go out into the village or roam the Forbidden Forest. Looking back now it was completely dangerous and utterly foolish, but at the time I could not have been happier."

"They risked a lot for you," her voice said from the master bedroom.

"They did." He glanced around the place with almost a sense of longing. In his youth, everything seemed possible. With his three friends, he felt he could tackle the world, and that the world would be more willing to accept him just as his friends did, so unconditionally. But as he found out, so soon after graduation, the world was cruel and unforgiving of the differences of others.

"Thank you for coming with me." She said, peaking her head around the corner from the bedroom. "I know coming back here can't exactly be the ideal way to spend an afternoon."

"No, no, it's all right. I'm glad you brought me here to see it again. Last time I was here was three years ago, and it didn't exactly go very well." He looked down at his feet. "So much has happened since then, yet it feels like yesterday Sirius and I were in here telling Harry about Peter's betrayal."

"A lot has happened," she agreed, coming toward him. "You've proven yourself to be better than this place, better than what you become, I can assure you of that." There were moments in their relationship when Nymphadora would take him by surprise, tender moments that always could melt away his stubborn resolve. She gave him a quiet kiss on the cheek, lifting his head up with hand so that she could look him in the eye. "I have never known a braver soul than you, Remus Lupin." His heart fluttered, as he could physically feel himself become more in love with her.

They left the house shortly after, making sure the proper enchantments were safely back in place. Walking up the lane together, Tonks returned to her disguise as the old woman. Remus said goodbye with a vague promise to try and find her later in the castle. With nothing else to do, he took a walk around the Hogwarts grounds, and finally down to the lake. He sat by the shore for a while, feeling completely at ease with nature and himself. There was really nothing like Hogwarts. It always amazed him how such a large and imposing castle could feel so much like home. Though, with Dumbledore gone, he knew it would never feel quite the same way again.

Noticing the sun beginning to set, and his stomach growling painfully, he made his way back to the village. The Three Broomsticks' occupancy had tripled since Remus had been there that morning. After waiting in a queue that seemed endless, he ordered a sandwich but he knew finding a table was futile, so he returned to Tonks' room. Immediately he noticed an owl waiting for him with a letter. He quickly took the letter from the owl's beak, giving it part of his crust before it flew out the window with a grateful _hoot_.

The letter, as Remus had hoped, was not from Kingsley. In fact it wasn't even address to him at all; it was for Nymphadora. He propped the letter on the desk disappointed and returned to his sandwich. As he chewed, he looked more closely at the letter. It was address to "_Nymphadora_" and the handwriting as distinctly masculine. Nobody, besides himself and perhaps McGonagall and Moody, dared to call her by her first name. Yet here was this letter, written by a man he was sure, with her full name scrawled across the front. The temptation to read it was great, but Remus was sure that its contents were perfectly innocent. At least he hoped. Was this what she meant the other night that she could have anyone she'd fancy? Perhaps driven by her loneliness she was seeing someone else who was able to give her all her needs when Remus could not...

He paced the room, staring down at the envelope. How could something look so innocent, yet hold such poisonous news? He tried to avoid it by reading one of the books from her shelves; lying down on the bed he was only halfheartedly seeing the words on the page. "As every school age wizard knows, the fact that we fly on broomsticks is probably our worst-kept secret. _I wonder if she had been trying to keep him a secret, if she would be flustered finding the note_. No Muggle illustration of a witch is complete without broom… _What does he look like? What kind of work does he do?_ … however ludicrous these drawings are (for none of the broomsticks depicted by Muggles would stay up in the air for a moment)… _She and Charlie Weasley were at school together and they were something of sweethearts. Yes, dragons would appeal to a girl like Tonks, always wanting adventure. _They remind us that we were careless for far too many centuries to be surprised that broomsticks and magic are inextricably linked in the Muggle mind…"

The door to the bedroom suddenly burst open with a crash. "Ughh, what a miserable shift." Tonks came lumbering into the room and fell face first down onto the bed. "Wake me up in two weeks would you, Remus?" She mumbled, her voice blocked by the comforter.

"You got a letter." He said without further pretense.

"A letter?" she asked, not bothering to look up. "Who from?"

"How should I know?" Remus said sounding puzzled.

"Open it for me will you, my eyes refuse to look at anything besides the backs of my eyelids."

Remus got up from bed and wondered if he really should open the letter. If only because his curiosity got the better of him did he break the wax seal from the back and begin to read the note inside. "'_My dearest Dora_,'" he began, feeling himself starting to shake, wondering if he should continue. " '_I was so glad to receive your note, and I'm relieved to know that you're safe. The death of such a great man has to be a real blow to you and to those around you. Know that your mum and I want to attend the funeral, but she's worried about-_' hang on. This note is from your father?"

"Who else would call me his 'Dearest Dora'?" She said, still not moving from her position on the bed.

"I, uh, well I had thought seeing your full name on the front it had to have been from someone you knew well."

"Hang on," she said, finally turning her head to look at him, a Cheshire cat's grin on her face. "No really, who did you think it was from?"

"No one, I was just curious about who you gave permission to use your full name."

"You thought it was from an old lover, didn't you?" she said sitting up in bed still smiling.

"Of course not!" He said indignantly, looking anywhere other than her grinning face.

"Admit it, you were jealous of my secret boyfriend." She said getting off the bed and walking slowly towards him, her eyes full of mischief. "Remus Lupin, jealous? I never thought I'd see the day."

"I wasn't jealous, I was just… curious that was all." He said.

"And what if it was from some lonely, love sick chap I met in the village? What would you have done after reading the letter, with his repeated claims of undying love for me?"

"I'd probably find him and knock his teeth out," he admitted quietly.

She gave a triumphant laugh. "Remus, darling, you have nothing to worry about. There is no one besides you, I told you that the other night." She said giving him a kiss on his worried lips. "There is no one now, nor will there ever be, anyone but you." She kissed him again and he reluctantly kissed her back.

"Well, how was your day?" he said, their arms holding one another, her head resting against his chest, something she used to do. He found himself amazed how quickly they fell back into their old ways of comfort, as though no time or hurt had passed between them.

"Long, and dull. Not a thing to report," she said, and Remus could feel her warm breath on through his shirt, remembering the familiar weight of her head on this spot after many weary days at the Ministry. "What did you do with the rest of your day?"

"Nothing. Took a stroll around the lake. Not a thing to report."

"I was hoping to find you lurking in an empty classroom." She crept her hands under his shirt to lightly scratch her hands up and down his back, just like she used to do.

"I couldn't bring myself to go in there again. It just feels like I'm intruding." Remus confided.

"I saw Bill again today. He seems to be in good spirits. He wants to talk to you later. I'm sure you have all sorts of wolfy tips you can give him."

Remus felt a small pang of guilt for not visiting Bill Weasley sooner. "Did you seem to think he would be well enough for the funeral tomorrow?"

"He thinks so, but his mother and Fleur want him resting. It's the only time I've seen them agree on a subject, which is a nice change from the constant bickering."

"Hmm," Remus said, closing his eyes luxuriously; loved the simple pleasure he derived from having his back scratched like this.

"Hmm, indeed. I would say lets take this to bed, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be up to my normal standard of excellence this evening. Besides, how could we ever enjoy ourselves with that going on downstairs?" The raucous guests at the inn were singing a drunken rendition of Merlin only knew what.

"Why don't you lay down and I'll rub your back for a change." Remus said, taking out his wand and putting a silencing charm on the door. The reduction in volume was instantaneous.

"That sounds lovely," she said. She threw off her cloak and shoes before taking off her top and bra. Remus always found her lack of shyness about her body refreshing and terrifying, as he was so self conscious of his own.

_The door to his room at Grimmauld Place banged open, and then quickly was slammed shut, a whispered spell locking the door. Hands roaming in the dark, Remus tried to shed some light in the room, but was too distracted to care, the moonlight was enough. Lips always intertwined, tongues battling furiously, Nymphadora's hands were trying to undo his trousers, just as he was trying to remove her top. Hands bumped into one another, their long kiss broken as they tried to figure out how to go about this. There was a moment of awkward silence as they stared at one another, looking to find the consent in the other's eyes. They had never gone this far before, and Remus was worried of disturbing the delicate balance their relationship had taken lately, of something between friendship and sexual desire._

_Tonks, smiling, playfully pushed Remus, who stumbled backwards, landing onto the ancient bed. She then came toward him, pulling off her top slowly, and then took off her jeans. She was in her bra and panties as she climbed onto the bed, straddling Remus. She kissed him lightly, but the passion between them was too great. Remus sat up a little straighter, as Tonks unbuttoned his shirt, slowly leaving a trail of hot kisses down his stomach before stopping by the healing skin of a recent scar. She looked up, and in the moonlight, Remus could see a curious expression on her face. Suddenly, he felt exposed, and was becoming increasingly embarrassed as she moved her fingers lightly across his chest, to find more scars, finding the injuries he had given himself in his times of madness._

"_Hideous, aren't they?" he muttered, not daring to look at her. She didn't say anything just moved her fingers, tracing the raised lines that crisscrossed his neck and shoulders. "Listen, we don't have to do this." He said, taking her hands away from his body, disgusted that she had to touch such things. They were reminders of what he was, of what he could do. She looked at him. Not with pity, but with a simple understanding._

_She then dipped her head, giving him a light kiss on the scar below his eye. She kissed the scar on his right shoulder. She gave a long kiss to the scar that was dangerously placed on his throat. Simple, beautiful kisses seem to ease Remus' insecurity, and he watched her move once more down his body in the unorganized pattern of the scars. No one had ever done anything so bold yet so intimate that Remus found himself falling for this woman more than he had ever thought possible. She grinned, unzipping his trousers, pulling them down. Nervous anticipation rose quickly throughout Remus' body, and he could feel himself growing as she lightly ran her nails along the inside of his thighs. Seeing his reaction, she took him into her mouth, sucking lightly at first. Hearing his groans of pleasure as his back arched, she worked her mouth with a frenzy Remus had never felt before. Feeling as though he could not take anymore, he pulled the back of her hair to bring her head up to look into her eyes. "Now?" she asked._

"_Now," he said urgently. She moved her body forward, positioning herself above his growing need. Moving her hips down, connecting with his body, they both cried out with immense pleasure. Grinding her hips into his, she rode him, before Remus began to move his hips as well, finding a rhythm to come to that sacred place where they both could lose themselves. They both cried out, as Remus' entire body shuddered into ecstasy. Collapsing on his chest, they tried to steady their breath, trying to find a calm after all that had happened._

"_I think I'm in love you, Remus," she had said so quietly that Remus had almost not caught it over his heavy breathing. He pretended not to hear and he did not acknowledge her confession, which she did not repeat._

They spent the night holding each other, talking quietly about everything and nothing at all. They talked about what they would do after she was done with her post at Hogwarts, and about going back to the Ministry. He reassured her that everything was going to be all right, and that as long as they stood against the corruption, the Ministry would not fall.

Tonks fell asleep with a peaceful grace, breathing lightly against Remus' chest in the familiar way he remembered. It took him a while before he was able to fall asleep. Looking out the window, he saw the waxing moon come into sharper focus from behind the clouds. In a week, he would transform into the thing he dreaded most, the thing he tried so desperately to hide away from her. He finally found sleep, but it was restless and filled with dreams of dark shadows and a pale figure lying dead on the castle grounds...

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><p><strong>an**: credit is due: the passage of the book remus is reading from in tonks' room is "Quidditch Through the Ages". the passage is of j.k. rowling's own words, and no copyright or plagiarism infringement is intended.

this is one of my first stories to be published on the site, so please review! it's always appreciated!


	3. Lost and Gone Forever

**a/n:** these characters are owned by j.k. rowling and warner brothers. i merely play with them for the amusement of myself, and hopefully those who read it. no copyright infringement is intended. m rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence (in later chapters).

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Lost and Gone Forever<strong>

When he woke, Remus felt tired and there was a deep sadness he could not shake off. Tonks could sense his overwhelming misery and tried her best to cheer him, but nothing she did could mask the fact that today was the day the wizarding world would bury Albus Dumbledore.

They dressed quietly, Tonks in a simple black dress, Remus in his best suit of dark grey. "Hair?" she asked, as they were about to leave.

"What?"

"My hair, what color do you think?" she asked, morphing her hair between a somber brown and an ashy blonde.

"Why not pink? It was the color Dumbledore knew you best in." Remus said. She gave him a sad smile.

"Well, I was thinking that. Luckily, my mother isn't coming today, otherwise she would be horrified I would attempt such an outrageous color for a somber occasion." She morphed her hair into the candy floss pink Remus would always associate with her, tying it back into a low bun.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Ready." He said, taking her hand in his. She gave it a tiny squeeze, and they left to find the place where Dumbledore would be laid to rest.

They were swallowed quickly into the crowd of witches and wizards, all wearing colors of mourning, making their way towards the funeral. Coming to the field where chairs had been set up the night before, Remus and Nymphadora took their seats. Remus could see Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny making their way down with the rest of the students from the castle. He saw prominent members of wizarding society, as well as old classmates from his time at Hogwarts. He saw Bill Weasley, being helped into a chair by Fleur and his mother. His face was looking better after the meticulous care of Madame Pomfrey, but the scars were still fresh, and would never properly heal. Remus absentmindedly touched the place on his arm where Greyback had bitten him as a boy. Tonks, seeing what he was doing, took his hand and kissed it.

"They're going back to the Burrow later today. We can see them after they get settled in," she told him.

"I feel bad I haven't gone to speak with him. He must be terribly scared, especially with the full moon so soon."

"I completely forgot!" She said, slapping a hand to her forehead. "Remus, what are we going to do? We can't use the basement at Grimmauld Place anymore."

"_We_?" He asked, looking at her, but at that moment, the master of ceremonies began to speak.

He had not thought about the logistics of the status he and Nymphadora would be after the funeral. Was she his girlfriend? The term felt so childish, something given to teenagers to describe two people who engaged in hand holding and the occasional snog. She felt so much more than that to him, but was there a word to categorize it? And surely, they would move back to their separate quarters and Remus would deal with the transformation on his own. Pushing this aside from his mind, remembering that he was here to mourn Dumbledore, Remus tried to focus on what the master of ceremonies was saying. However, Remus found his attention wandering away from the words that boomed from the old man's magically modified voice. Remus knew that there were no words that were adequate enough to describe a man who had been so brave and loving and forgiving and accepting.

_He received the owl about an hour before he was asked to meet Dumbledore. It had been a long day, one that proved, once again, fruitless in his efforts to find employment. Ever since Umbridge's Anti-Werewolf Legislation passed earlier that year, Remus had had no luck in finding someone who would be willing to hire him. His savings, those left by his parents and James Potter, had long since been depleted. He didn't know what Dumbledore had to say to him, but was still eager to see the man again after all this time._

_The Leaky Cauldron was nearly empty as Remus entered, and it was easy enough to spot Dumbledore sitting in the far corner at a table. Standing up when he saw Remus enter, Dumbledore smiled and waved him over._

"_Remus, my old friend, thank you for meeting me on such short notice," he said, shaking Remus' hand enthusiastically._

"_Of course, it's good to see you. It's been a long time."_

"_Nearly ten years I believe," Dumbledore said, shaking his head. "Time is a devilishly tricky bugger. I suddenly find myself an old man after what seems like no time at all."_

"_I don't think you could ever be thought of as old, Albus," Remus said kindly._

"_And yet, I sit in front of you a man of one hundred and twelve."_

"_I can only hope to live so long," Remus said, a little more darkly than he intended. Dumbledore looked sympathetically at the younger man before him._

"_A drink, I think, might be in order," Dumbledore said, signaling Tom the barman to bring a waiting tray of drinks over._

"_Oh no, Albus, really, I'll just stick with water." Remus said, protesting, knowing he could not afford to spend any money on such a pricey beverage, even though he felt he could use it._

"_I insist, it's my treat, as we have something to celebrate." Dumbledore said, taking the glasses from the waiting barman's tray. Handing Remus a glass of mead, Dumbledore raised his own in salute. "Here is to you, Remus Lupin, Hogwarts' new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."_

"_What?" Remus sputtered, spilling mead down his front. "Dumbledore, you must be joking."_

"_I'm not. I asked you here tonight to accept the post. As you know, it is notorious Hogwarts cannot seem to keep the Defense post for more than one consecutive year, so I am hoping you might be the exception to the rule."_

"_Dumbledore," Remus said with all seriousness. "You know I cannot teach children. I would be putting them all in terrible danger."_

"_In all this time you've been dealing with your condition, Remus, have you ever bitten anyone?"_

"_That is not the point," Remus said. "There have been close calls, as you very well know-"_

"_What about Harry Potter?" Dumbledore interrupted him._

_Remus was quiet for a moment, blinking. "What about Harry?"_

"_I'm sure you've been longing to see him, to see the kind of boy he has become."_

"_Dumbledore, you cannot bribe me with the prospect of seeing James and Lily's son. That's cruel."_

"_It is not cruelty, Remus, it is simply one of the perks of being a Hogwarts professor."_

"_But the new laws, Dumbledore, you cannot hire a werewolf, you'll get into terrible trouble with the Ministry-"_

"_The Ministry of Magic does not have any authority about those who are employed at Hogwarts. That is at the soul discretion of the Headmaster."_

"_Dumbledore," Remus said, wildly trying to think of the plethora of reasons this was a horrible idea. "I'm not qualified, I've no experience teaching nor with theories on defense against the Dark Arts."_

"_Remus, there was once a time you had hoped to teach. I thought this might be the realization of a life long dream for you."_

_"That was a long time ago, Albus." Remus muttered darkly. It was true he had wanted to teach after this time at Hogwarts, but the reality of his condition was brought sharply into focus after leaving the false security created by Hogwarts, and knew it to be an impossibility, one he barely tried pursuing._

_"As for the matter of qualification, you were one of the bravest warriors we had in the Order during the War Against the Dark Lord. That is more than enough qualification for me. Believe me, compared with poor Lockheart, you'll be more than competent."_

_Remus shook his head. "This will be a mistake. How could I set aside my feelings for Harry, while still being his teacher?"_

"_Harry remains blissfully unaware of the life his parents had during their time in and out of Hogwarts. He knows of James' Quidditch success, but James' friends are something of a mystery to the boy. So, to him, you will just be another professor."_

"_And what of Severus?" Remus knew that there was no way Severus Snape was going to allow Remus back at Hogwarts, not after everything James and Sirius had put him through; especially not after what _he_ almost did to Snape._

"_I have informed Severus of my decision in hiring you, and he has reluctantly agreed to set aside his schoolboy grudges. He has even offered to brew the Wolfsbane Potion for you every month as an added precaution." Remus opened this mouth to protest further but Dumbledore held a hand to silence him. "There is no excuse you can give me, Remus, that I have not carefully thought through, and I am not taking your appointment lightly. The students' safety is my primary concern, and I understand the risks. But their education is my highest priority, and you are a more than qualified candidate for the job. I admit, some of my candidates for the position have been, well… shall we say, less than ideal, but I feel certain your appointment will not be one of them."_

_Remus was quiet for a few moments thinking it through. The possibilities were frightening, yet he could not think of a profession he wanted more. The ability to mold young minds, to properly teach them defense, to inspire a love a learning and passion for magical prowess… to meet Harry._

"_I know that times are hard, Remus, and the new legislation that passed cannot make your situation any easier. I am offering you a way to make a living."_

"_I don't need charity, Dumbledore," Remus muttered._

"_It's not charity. I have a position open and would like to fill it with the best possible candidate. If things don't work out after the school year, or even after the first month, then you may leave with my blessing. But I would like you to consider what you can gain by accepting my offer."_

_Remus thought about everything Dumbledore said, taking a few gulps of mead. It was a tempting offer, and he certainly could use the money._

"_Harry looks just like James, Remus." Dumbledore said quietly, but laughed as he continued. "He, rather unfortunately perhaps, inherited James' sense of mischief and disregard for the rules. But his has Lily's green eyes and her kind heart. He really is a remarkable boy."_

Before long, the ceremony was over. A bright white marble tomb had taken precedence at the front of the crowd, who had begun to talk quietly, not daring to move their voices above a low murmur. He noticed Tonks had tears in the corners of her eyes, which she quickly wiped away. He gave her a small kiss, and asked quietly, "Are you all right?"

"Fine, fine," she said, waving her hand, but more tears started coming down her cheeks. Remus cupped her face in his hands and wiped one of her tears away with his thumb.

"It's all right, you know," he said, smiling at the stubborn way she was trying not to cry. "You don't have to be the tough Auror in front of me."

"I know, it's just silly. I really don't know why I'm crying so much. I guess I was thinking about Sirius and how we never were able to give him a proper funeral." Remus lowered his hands away from his face and looked away. He and a few members of the Order had a small remembrance for Sirius after his will was read at Grimmauld Place. Dumbledore had presided over the small, subdued affair, but it was nothing to what Remus wanted to give his best friend. But with no body, how could they give him the remembrance Sirius so deserved? In life he was punished for a crime he didn't commit, and even in death, he was cheated from all the rites and rituals that came with burying the dead. Remus' one comfort during that time was he thought Sirius would have laughed over the stress Remus had over such trivialities, and knew Sirius never would have wanted anything extravagant or supercilious.

Remus looked back at her, who had an anxious expression on her face clearly worried she had said something wrong. "Why don't we pay our last respects and get out of here," he said. "We can spend some time together, just you and me."

"That does sound nice." Tonks said, looking out to the others who were gathering. Remus knew he should say something to Harry, knew that he should try to provide some comfort to the boy who had lost another one of his most ardent supporters, but Remus didn't even know where to begin in his process of grief. He was glad to see, however, that his friends were giving him the support system he needed the most at this time. What could Remus say to truly let him know how much he had meant to Dumbledore? Surely anything now would sound hollow and fake, because Remus felt the same during the funeral for his mother, as though people were obligated to say such things.

Tonks smiled weakly, tears clouding her vision. Remus helped her out of her seat to join the queue that was forming of those who wished to say their final goodbyes. While waiting, they were spotted by Arthur Weasley, who when seeing the couple, came to stand next to them.

"Good to see you, Arthur," Remus said holding out his hand which Mr. Weasley shook.

"You too, Remus, and you, Tonks." He said, nodding to Tonks. "Molly will be pleased to see the two of you together like this." He gave them a warm smile, but it quickly faded when he looked at Remus seriously. "Remus," he said, lowering his voice. "After this is all over, I wondered if you might talk to Bill. He's putting on a brave front for Molly and Fleur, but I think he's worried. And I know the full moon is coming…"

Mr. Weasley, shifted his weight, looking a little awkward, but Remus said gently, "I'd be happy to talk to Bill about what might happen. But it's very unlikely that he will a true werewolf, Arthur."

"Yes, yes, I know. It's just, I think it would do him some good to hear it from you."

"Of course, I'll do what I can." Remus said, and Mr. Weasley smiled again.

"Excellent, I'd really appreciate it. We're headed back to the Burrow now, so we can get settled in before we have to pick up the kids at the train station. I know Molly is planning to make a large dinner, why don't the two of you come over tonight? I'm sure the kids will be glad to see you, and I know Molly would love the extra company."

Remus looked to Tonks, who was smiling pleasantly. "We'd love to, Mr. Weasley," she said kindly.

"Brilliant, well then, I will see you later." He said, and headed back towards his wife and son.

"I thought we were just going to have a quiet night alone together?" He asked.

"Maybe it would be better for us to be with friends. We could meet Harry at the train station, say our goodbyes, and then head for the Burrow. And besides, I've been living off of pub grub for almost a year now. Molly's home cooking sounds wonderful."

"Well, it would be good having something other than chips and instant meals," he conceded.

"Besides, I've let my flat in London, and you haven't been in a real home for a while, so I doubt either of us could achieve anything close to the comforts of a home cooked meal."

"Nymphadora, listen." Remus said, not quite looking at her. "We probably shouldn't move so quickly into the housing situation."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when we're not seeing one another, you should return to your place, and I'll return to mine."

"Remus, last time we were together, you practically lived in my flat when you weren't at Grimmauld Place."

"It was closer to Headquarters." He said, slightly sheepishly, but she saw through his lie. In truth, he loved being able to come home to someone, loved having her sharing his bed, loved simply holding her or talking with her after a long day. "I just think it's safer if we don't live together. Not yet anyway."

"Is this about the transformations?"

"That's only a piece of it. I don't know what Greyback might do to me, knowing that I've betrayed the pack. And if we're seen together, seen _living_ together especially, he could hurt you to get to me. I don't want that to happen."

She sighed before saying, "Remus, I'm an Auror, and with that comes years of training, as well as Ministry protection. I'm the only Metamorphmagus they've got, no way they're going to let anything happen to me." Remus saw some truth in what see was saying. He remembered having to get clearance through the Auror Dawlish before he could go to her apartment one night. "Besides, you, Remus Lupin, are an incredibly accomplished wizard, who is more than capable of protecting someone. You were a professor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts for Merlin's sake!"

Now it was his turn to sigh. "I suppose you have a point," he said. "But there is still the issue of transformations. There is no way that I will even be in the same county as you during that time."

"Mad-Eye's been teaching me to brew the Wolfsbane Potion, with that-"

"I'm not putting you in any unnecessary harm." He said bitingly, anger in his voice. He saw her flinch slightly at his reprimand, and he took a deep breath to calm down, cursing himself for letting his ragged emotions control him. The week before the full moon was always the worst. "Even with the Wolfsbane," he said evenly, "there is no guarantee that I won't bite you."

"All right," she said. "You won't be in the same area. But Remus, that doesn't mean we can't live together."

"Let's not talk about this now," he said, seeing how close they were to the marble tomb.

"Fine," she said with a huff. "But don't think I'm done talking about this." They stood together in an uncomfortable silence before it was their turn to stand next to the tomb. Remus didn't know if he should say something. Tonks had magically transfigured flowers to appear in her arms and she handed Remus a single white lily.

Remus was suddenly struck by a feeling of loneliness, of longing, of wanting all those who died in his life to give him some guidance. Lily always knew what to say, always knew the right words to comfort someone through their grief. She had helped Remus when his mother had died, offering not only condolences but also genuine concern and friendship. When she and James had died that Halloween night in Godric's Hollow, and then to have it followed so closely by Sirius' perceived betrayal and Peter's "death", there was no one left to see him cry, no one to offer words of mutual sorrow, no one to share in his grief.

_Empty and alone, just as it should be,_ he had thought.

But there was Nymphadora. She was here with him now, solidly, dependably, always there. Even when he had tried to cast her aside, she was still there. She had _always_ been there, giving him a glimmer of what happiness was again. She did not judge or preach or take pity on him, just as Lily had done. She would confront him, she would laugh with him, and she made him want to become a better man. Remus was hit with understanding and, quite unexpectedly, filled with love. He almost staggered over the realization of how much she truly meant to him.

Standing next to him, gently placing the flowers with the other offerings, taking his hand into hers, Tonks whispered a soft, "thank you" to the tomb. She did not move, she did not cry, but the pain she was feeling was tangible, and Remus wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and comfort her in her grief. Emotion gripped Remus painfully in his throat and he could not choke out the words he wanted to say. He simply left the lily Nymphadora had handed him with the others and nodded.

He left the tomb, walking with Dora, the silence between them no longer uncomfortable, but of solidarity. Their hands intertwined never broke as they walked back into the village, where the mood throughout was somber and morose. Walking into their room, Nymphadora finally let go of his hand.

"I-" she began, but frowned, not seeming to find the right words.

"I love you," Remus said before she could continue, his voice hoarse, struggling with not only what he wanted to say, but how to say it without breaking down completely. "I think I've been in love with you since the time you kissed me in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, maybe even have loved you when you first came tripping over the troll's foot, and I've been a stupid git about it, I know that. I don't deserve someone so incredible," she started to protest but again he cut her off, "Please, just let me finish. But I am trying to deserve you, to be the man you see in me, not the monster I see myself as. I just… I can't lose you, too." He said, voice barely above whisper, for tears threaten to engulf him. Staring into her large dark eyes, he saw her own tears creeping again to the surface. "I can't do it… not again," he managed to say, no longer able to hold off his grief. She wrapped her arms fiercely around him as his tears fell from his face and into her hair. Shoulders shaking, embarrassment forgotten, he collapsed into her, and they sat together on the floor holding one another, crying over all the dead souls, lost and gone forever.

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking very little, but being comforted all the same. An owl came for Tonks informing her that she had been assigned to guard Harry as he left the train for Privet Drive. Getting up to change from her dress, Remus silently watched as she magically began to pack her belongings while putting on a black t-shirt and her favorite pair of jeans. She removed her hair from the bun, and shook it out before pulling it back into a ponytail, the coloring changing to a dark brown. He didn't know if she change the color on purpose, or if it was subconscious, but he was suddenly struck by how much in that moment she looked like Sirius. She had the Black family eyes, there was no denying that, but with her dark hair, and the way her fringe fell into her eyes, there was something distinctly familiar.

Noticing him watching her, she asked quietly, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, your hair is darker."

"Yeah, I figured the pink would draw too much attention. Mad-Eye is always harping on me for attracting unwanted attention, whether it was my choice of hair color, or my clumsiness. Besides, I'm not really in a pink mood anymore," she said sadly before heading into the bathroom where she reapplied her make-up before it too flew into her traveling bags.

"You should probably gather your things as well." She said, indicating few clothes Remus had hung in the closet. He too pulled out his wand and his clothes folded themselves neatly into his duffle bag.

"I never could manage to fold my clothes so nicely," she said watching his neat piles fall gently into his bag, then looking to her own bags, that even with the help of magic, were having trouble closing themselves. "Mum tried to teach me, but I was always too impatient and could never see the point. I was just going to wear them and get them wrinkled and dirty again." She said, stuffing the clothes deeper into the bag to help the zipper close completely. She looked now at the bags of her belongings and frowned. "I'm not sure what I should do with these. The renters are still in my flat, thinking I was going to be at Hogwarts until the end of term. I'm a bit early."

"I suppose I could take them back to my place. Just until you can get back into your own." He added. He was reluctant to share his home with her, even if it was for short period of time. He was still convinced that they should live apart for the time being, at least until he knew more about Greyback's intentions.

She gave him an odd look. "Your place?" she asked confused.

"Yes, Dora, my place." He said, nodding not really understanding her confusion.

"I wasn't aware you _had_ a place, Remus." She said, and he knew why she was so confused. In the time they were together, Remus was too ashamed to show her what had become of the house he grew up in, and instead told her that he moved from place to place, never settling down because of the prejudices of landlords. It wasn't completely far from the mark. At one time, that was his life; living in whatever town he could find work, leaving as soon as he was discovered, force to move to the next place and beg for work. So, during their courtship, she never pressed him to go back to wherever it was he was living at the time. They instead enjoyed one of the many rooms at Grimmauld Place or chose to go to her flat in the city.

"It's… Well, it's the house my parents left me after they died." He said, trying delicately as he could to explain.

"Oh," she said simply. Remus couldn't read the expression on her face. She wasn't angry, but she looked confused and slightly disappointed.

"I didn't tell you about it because I don't normally go back there. It's fallen into such a state of disrepair I don't even know if it's inhabitable." Again, this wasn't a total lie; he avoided the house most of the time because he was ashamed he had let it fall into such a state, especially because his mother had taken such pride and worked so hard to make the tiny cottage lovely as she could.

"Oh, okay." She hesitated slightly before asking, "Having you been living there this past year?"

"No, Dora, I've been underground."

"Yes, I know, what I mean is, when you weren't doing your work with the werewolves, is that were you went?"

"Oh, well, yeah, I guess I was. Most of the time Molly and Arthur would offer me a place to spend the night after Order meetings, so I stayed at the Burrow, or would sneak into Grimmauld Place after meetings."

She nodded her head, her expression still unreadable. "I'm sorry," he started to say.

"For what?" she asked.

"That I never told you about it before. Believe me, it's not something that I wanted to show you."

"I understand, Remus, it's okay." She turned from him, and Remus, sensing something amiss, got up off the floor. She had begun to levitate her bags when he approached her. "Is something wrong then?" he asked carefully.

"No, I'm fine. Really," she added seeing his disbelief. "I get it. There are places from your past you don't like to go back to. Trust me, I understand. The History of Magic classroom is definitely one of those for me. Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl." She shuddered dramatically. "Horror to be sure. So you can take my stuff back?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, not quite believing the sincerity of her understanding.

"Great, then I will see you at the Burrow?" she asked. "Remember, we promised Arthur we'd be there for dinner."

"I remember," he said. "Do you think I should come with you to the station to meet Harry?"

"Up to you," She said shrugging her shoulders. "I've got orders from the Ministry, not the Order, to watch over Harry. So you can meet him at the station, but you'll probably not be able to take him home. It would be in direct violation of a 'top secret mission'." She smiled infectiously, and Remus couldn't help but grin back.

"No, you know, I just realized I have some things I need to do before we go to dinner." He said. He kissed her lightly on her lips, but she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer, making the kiss more intense.

"See you later," she said seductively, and Apparated with a pop. Remus stood stunned for a moment, not quite believing the incredible passion she could spark within him.

Shrinking her bags to a manageable size, Remus took her things and his own in hand, and Apparated, landing outside the door to his home. He undid the lock with a quick wave of his wand and entered. The sun was low, creating eerie shadows on the walls. Waving his wand again, he turned the lights on, shedding further light on the lack of furniture and possessions. After carefully climbing the stairs, he walked into his bedroom, putting Tonks' bags down. It was the room his parents had shared before his father had died. All that was left from the time of his childhood was the ornate yet sturdy dark oak bed that had once belonged his father's grandparents, and the fading wallpaper his mother had chosen so many years ago.

_The house was purchased the day after Remus' first transformation. The Lupins, cautious about what would happen to their son, quickly realized there was no way they could live so close to a wizarding community. John Lupin moved his family quickly into a remote Muggle village, picking a simple cottage on the very outskirts. "Quaint but full of potential," was how the realtor had described it, but the biggest selling point was the cavernous cellar._

_So the Lupins took everything they owned, selling many of their possessions as they would no longer need such grandeur in such a small home, and tried to start their new life. That first night, after the long day of unpacking the essentials, Remus was tucked into bed and kissed goodnight by his mother, who seemed upset and tired. Worried about his mother and scared about being in a new place, Remus could not fall asleep. Hearing voices from the living room, Remus crept from his bed thinking he might be able to sleep with his parents. Suddenly, his father's shouts rang clear through the house, yet he opened the door slightly to listen all the same._

"_I'm sorry this isn't up to your standards, Caroline, but this is best I could do!"_

"_I'm not expecting miracles, John," Remus heard his mother's voice, which was raised and angry but not matching the level of intensity his father's was. "I just expected that you would have found something by now, that it wouldn't have come to this."_

"_There is no cure, Caroline, how many times do I have to tell you? All the Healers said there was nothing to be done."_

"_Nothing? I am not going to just sit by and watch as my son destroys himself from something that could have been prevented!"_

"_Oh, so now you're back to blaming me again?"_

"_That's right, I blame you." His mother's voice was full of a venom Remus never thought possible. She paused and Remus could hear her voice cracking with emotion. "He was so beautiful, and you and your foolish pride have ruined him. Ruined that beautiful boy forever."_

"_There was nothing that could have been done! I've told you, had I known-"_

"_Known what? Known that the man you so blindly offended was a monster? That even when you could have apologized, you didn't?"_

"_There was nothing that could have been done," his father repeated, a little more quietly. His mother laughed, but she was not amused. She sounded frantic and insane._

"_John, we are social outcasts, we will have no more connections, no more friends, when they learned what you'd done and what our boy has become. We are living in the middle of nowhere, away from any decent wizarding society!"_

"_Don't you think I am blaming myself for what happened? Don't you think I feel responsible that our son will never be able to go to school, or have the life we planned for him? Merlin, Caroline, don't you have any sympathy for what I might be going through?"_

"_Sympathy? You weren't there that night, John. You weren't there to hear his screams, to hear his pleads to come out of his room, pleading to make the pain stop, that he would be good from now on as though he was being punished for something he did. You weren't there to find him in the morning, bleeding, wounded beyond anything imaginable. No, I'm sorry, John, I don't have sympathy for you."_

_There was a pregnant pause, and Remus wondered whether he should call out for his mother. But then they started talking in low voices that he could not understand the rest of the conversation. He did, however, very distinctly hear the front door open and slam shut. Then he heard his mother sobbing. Crying in a manner that was desperate and full of sorrow and loss. He carefully went downstairs, finding his mother with her head in her hands. "Mummy?" He called out to her, and she looked up, her carefully applied makeup running down her beautiful face, her eyes red and swollen._

"_Oh my poor Remus, did mummy and daddy wake you up? I'm so sorry, darling," she said, holding out her arms to him and he ran into them. Holding her son close, Remus even now could remember all the love he felt in her embrace._

"_Why are you crying, mummy? Are you okay?"_

"_Oh, darling, mummy is fine. I had a little disagreement with daddy, and I got upset. But the important thing to remember is that your father and I love you very much. You know we love you?"_

"_Yes, mum." Remus said impatiently, it was a question he was asked to answer so many times over the past month._

_Hidden from the world, Remus would transform in the cellar. A large, yet cramped and impersonal place, Remus hated going there. Dark and damp, as a young boy it became a place where only monsters would roam unwillingly making Remus become one of them._

The house now was barely recognizable from the one he grew up in. His mother always tried to keep the house as clean and neat as possible, all the while trying desperately to bring cheer into the home. Brightly painted walls and furniture upholstered in colorful pastels and paisley prints could not mask the anguish and unrest the home contained.

Remus, too, in keeping with his mother's ways, kept the inside of the house clean, but with so little, it was hardly worth doing. Waving his wand, he moved his clothes into the nearly empty wardrobe. With that out of the way, he wandered into the kitchen where, as Nymphadora had predicted, there was no food to speak of. Stomach growling, he looked down at his watch to see if it was time to head to the Burrow. He knew that the Hogwarts Express was not yet back at Kings Cross Station, and decided to head into the village for a few groceries.

Just as it had been when he was a child, mostly Muggles inhibited the village, though Remus came to find two wizarding families living there as well. Pulling out the contents of his pocket, he found a few knuts, a peppermint, and a fiver. Remus knew that his resources would be limited...

With a small bag of groceries in hand, Remus walked the long path back. As there were only a few meager offerings, the bag was light, and the walk was pleasant, as the setting sun blurred the sky into deep purples and rich reds and oranges. Opening the door, he found an owl waiting for him. Setting the groceries down, he went to retrieve the letter, which he was happy to discover, was from Kingsley.

_R,_

_The Werewolf Capture Unit apprehended a female werewolf by the name of Lavinia Cormier outside of Brighton on 15 April. Muggle "police" had arrested the woman three days previous for aggravated assault as well as petty theft. She was being held in their prison system until the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures stepped in. She escaped from the Ministry during her transformation, on 22 April, during which time she scratched, but did not bite, a Unit officer. The Ministry took her wand into custody, have registered her as a known and wanted werewolf, but have yet to discover her location as of today. There is a thousand galleon reward for her capture and return to the Ministry._

_I hope this helps._

_K._

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><p>an: a little more back story and some important clues... as always, i'd love to hear what you think! please review!


	4. The Company You Keep

**a/n:** these characters are the property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers. i merely live vicariously through the exploits i invent for them. no copyright infringement is intended. m rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence.

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: The Company You Keep<strong>

Disappointed with the lack of information, Remus took out his wand, muttered "Incendio" and burned the letter. By now, Lavinia could be anywhere in Britain, or perhaps had managed to escape to the continent. She was smart, careful, and tough, so much so that Remus had been shocked to learn that she had been captured. It would be hard tracking her down. He hoped she might have returned to the pack, whose location would be easier to find, but knew that Greyback might not be so forgiving to reinstate a member who was wanted by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Last time Remus had been with the pack they were located in Devon, near the caverns. It was an ideal spot for Greyback because it was remote, the caverns were deep and parts remained unexplored by humans, yet Muggle tourists were never in short supply as unwilling victims.

Checking his watch, Remus had not realized just how much time had passed and knew he was running behind meeting Tonks at the Burrow. Apparating to the Weasley's home, Remus landed in the field, but found himself face to face with Ginny Weasley.

"Oh, Professor Lupin!" She said, startled by his sudden appearance. "I didn't realize you were coming over." She looked despondent, as though she had been crying since the funeral.

"Your father invited Tonks and I over for dinner. Ginny, is everything all right?" He asked compassionately, not wanting to see the girl upset.

"Oh yes, everything is fine. Well, not fine, I'm just still a little upset over... over everything that has happened."

"It's hard to believe he's gone, isn't it?" Remus asked, thinking she was talking about Dumbledore's funeral.

"_Gone_? He already left?" Panic constricted Ginny's features and renewed her tears. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye!"

"Well, yes, that is what happens to those who die-"

"Oh, you're talking about Professor Dumbledore." Relief washed over Ginny's face.

"Who else would I be talking about?" he asked, very confused.

"No one, I suppose." She looked out beyond the horizon, where the night sky was bright with stars, her eyes glazing over, lost in thought. Remus found her behavior odd, but he understood that grief could do strange things to people.

"Ginny, are you saying that someone is planning on leaving?" Remus asked, but the young woman didn't say anything else. It seemed her grief had taken over the use of her voice. Who would be leaving… but then it dawned on him. Harry. Harry would want to leave, to seek out Voldemort on his own. This was surely what McGonagall had wanted him to probe further into. "Ginny, is Harry planning on leaving?"

The young woman remained silent, but her tears were renewed, falling down her face, eyes still staring out into the night. He knew it was futile to ask her such a question while her grief was still so raw. But he didn't need an audible confirmation. Her face said everything. Who he really needed to question was Ron and Hermione before confronting Harry himself.

"Well, why don't we head in?" he said kindly, trying to bring her out of her reverie. "I'm sure your mother has been hard at work preparing a delicious feast. And food can be an excellent remedy for grief and a broken heart."

"I'll be in soon," she said quietly. "I just needed to be alone. That house... it can be so overbearing at times, and nobody really understands. Ron certainly is no comfort."

Remus gave her what he hoped to be a comforting smile before walking toward the house alone. He looked back to see her silhouette shaking with renewed sobs.

Knocking on the front door before letting himself in, Remus entered the warm and cozy house. The Burrow was the epitome of what a home should be, and the antithesis of his own home. He saw Nymphadora talking animatedly to Bill Weasley at the kitchen table, which had been set for eight. Fleur was "helping" in the kitchen with Mrs. Weasley, while Mr. Weasley and Ron were nowhere to be found.

"Remus!" Mrs. Weasley called out, and ushered him in and sat him down at the table next to Tonks, who smiled at him and took his hand in hers underneath the table. "So glad you could join us for supper dear. Did you see Ginny on your way in?"

"I did, she was out in the field where I Apparated. I think I gave her a bit of a fright actually."

"She's been down ever since we picked her up from the station." Mrs. Weasley said frowning. "I know this has been a terrible few days, but I have a feeling there is something more to it all."

"It's just grief, mum," said Bill. "The last couple of days have been hard on all of us. It's not everyday the greatest wizard of the age dies."

"Hmm, I suppose you're right. I'm sure I'm fussing over nothing. Bill, dear, would you go tell Ron and your father that supper is ready? I'll try to fetch Ginny." And Mrs. Weasley hurried from the kitchen, while Bill headed upstairs calling out that supper was ready.

"What kept you?" Tonks asked.

"Lost track of time," Remus said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"So, you 'ave resolved all ze issues?" Fleur said, who had been watching the pair before sitting down at the table. "I am telling Bill's muther that love does not discriminate, _bien sûr_. It is somezing that is blind to all faults."

"Ah, the French," said Bill, kissing his fiancée on the cheek, "such romantics. And speaking of romance, you two back on then?"

Remus looked to Nymphadora who looked back at him beaming. "I should certainly hope so," she said.

"How was Harry when you saw him off?" Remus asked, wanting a change in the conversation, as he began to feel himself blush.

"Fine," Tonks sighed. "I don't know how he goes back to those Muggles every year. I would have run away by now, if I were him."

"Did he seem upset at all? I'm regretting that I didn't speak to him at the funeral."

"He seemed a little depressed, but considering everything that has happened, I think he is more determined than ever."

"Harry is one hell of a brave kid," Bill said. "Everything that he's been through in his lifetime is enough to make one throw in the towel."

"He'd never do that," said Ron, who had just come downstairs and sat down at the table next to Bill. "When Harry has a mission to do, there's no stopping him, no matter how much the deck is stacked against him."

"He's like his father in that regard," said Remus. "When James wanted something, he would stop at nothing to have it. Stubborn, is what I called it."

"Well, he is going to need all of our support soon enough," said Mr. Weasley who took his place at the head of the table. Looking around, "Where's Molly and Ginny?" he said looking around.

"They'll be here in a minute. Molly went to get Ginny from outside," said Tonks.

"Tonks, you don't think you could talk to Ginny for me?" asked Mr. Weasley. "Molly and I tried talking to her earlier, but she doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone."

"Leave her alone dad, she's got her own shit she's dealing with," said Ron.

"Language, Ronald," said Mrs. Weasley, who was followed a little later by Ginny, who sat down next to Tonks. Her eyes were still swollen and red from crying, but Remus saw with a hint of compassionate humor, she looked annoyed. No doubt she wasn't in the mood to socialize. With a wave of her wand Mrs. Weasley sent the trays of food from the kitchen to land neatly on the dinning room table.

"To Albus Dumbledore, one of the most respected and beloved Headmasters Hogwarts has ever seen." Mr. Weasley said, holding up his glass in salute. The rest of the table held their glasses aloft and mutter "Dumbledore."

"Well, dig in everyone, while it's still hot." Mrs. Weasley said, and Remus could see her eyes were a little watery.

The Weasley children, having grown up with so many siblings and a limited supply of food, eagerly filled their plates, while other members of the party simply watched fascinated at the speed they exhibited.

"So, Tonks, you're going back to the Ministry on Monday?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"I am," she said, helping herself to shepherds pie. "Mad-Eye already has been threatening me with all the paperwork I need to hand in about my time patrolling Hogwarts. You'd think with everything that was going on, filing the correct forms would be the least of everyone's concern. What about you Arthur?"

"Of course," said Mr. Weasley.

"Why wouldn't people be going back to the Ministry?" asked Ron with a mouth full of chicken.

"People are scared," his father said. "New laws and new management have people thinking that You-Know-Who has found a way to infiltrate the Ministry. There are some who want to get out while they still can. Though, of course, I don't know how much longer my department will be around if You-Know-Who really does take over the Ministry."

"It's the same at Gringotts," Bill chimed in. "So many families have been pulling out their entire savings thinking of the last time You-Know-Who was in power. The goblins are going insane with the lack of business."

"It is beginning to feel like the last time," said Remus. "That sensation in the pit of your stomach, like something horrible is about to happen around every corner."

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley nodded. The others were too young, or not even born, when Voldemort was last in power, so they did not understand the utter dread each day brought. Remus suddenly felt very old.

"So are the two of you still set on the first of August for the wedding?" Tonks asked.

"We are," said Fleur, looking happily to Bill, who smiled back at her. "It is a good time for both of us, we 'ave decided. I would 'ave wanted somezing sooner and in France but, _c'est la vie_."

"It was also the only time we could get Charlie away from his dragons." Said Bill, who was having Charlie as his best man. "Though, maybe if I mentioned Tonks was always hanging about here, he might be persuaded to come back sooner." Bill grinned, and Tonks blushed bright scarlet.

"Sod off, Bill," she said quietly, giving him a swift kick under the table, but missed and kicked Ron instead.

"Ow, whatcha do that for?" Ron said, rubbing his shin.

"Sorry, Ron, I was aiming for your git brother," Tonks said, sticking out her tongue at Bill who had made a face at her.

"Now, now, kids, play nice," Mr. Weasley said good naturedly.

"Tonks," Ginny said, who up until now was silently poking at her food. "How did you and Charlie meet? I think I remember him coming home for the Christmas holiday one year talking about you."

"Woah, Tonks, that was _you_ who dated Charlie?" Ron said, staring disbelievingly at Tonks, as though he had never really seen her properly. "You looked real different back then. He had this one picture he used to keep in his sock drawer-" It was Bill this time to punch is brother in the arm. "Ow! What was _that_ for?"

"For being a complete idiot," said Bill. Remus could sense Nymphadora growing uncomfortable as she shifted in her chair. Remus never really asked about the time she had dated Charlie Weasley and was equally as curious.

"Well, it was our sixth year," began Tonks. "We were playing in a very heated Quidditch match. Charlie was the seeker and captain for the Gryffindor team, and of course everyone knew Charlie because he was ace at Quidditch. I was one of the beaters for the Hufflepuff team. As dead clumsy as I am on land, I'm loads better on a broom, but I had an unfortunate midair collision with your brother and we both were in Hospital Wing together. We got to talking, and before long we were spending all our time together."

"Charlie always said you were the one that got away," Bill said, still grinning over how uncomfortable he was making Tonks.

"Bollocks," Tonks said, and Remus couldn't help but notice that her cheeks were still red with embarrassment. "Two weeks after we broke up my friends were all too eager to tell me he was, uh, _snogging_ a fifth year Ravenclaw." Tonks looked sheepishly at Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, who did not usually hear about any of their children's sexual exploits.

Ginny looked down at her food. "Why did you break up? He seemed so happy with you."

Tonks, looking at the girl next to her with something like sympathy and understanding, answered the question slowly. "I guess it was complicated. We still liked each other, but mostly it came down to the fact he wanted to move to Romania to study dragons and I wanted to stay here to start my training as an Auror. There was no possible future together unless one of us was willing to sacrifice our dreams."

"Oh," Ginny said, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. "May I be excused, mum?" she said, but before Mrs. Weasley could answer Ginny ran from the table and up the stairs to her room. Mrs. Weasley stood up to follow her daughter, but Ron said, "Don't mum, I'd leave her alone just now."

"I don't know what's gotten into her," said Mrs. Weasley taking her seat again.

"Do you want me to see if I could talk to her?" asked Tonks, who looked alarmed and a little guilty.

"After supper, dear, but for now, let's give her a moment." Said Mrs. Weasley.

"So Tonks how is your old man? It's been ages since I've seen him last and I never did get a straight answer about those spark plugs," said Mr. Weasley and Tonks began to talk excitedly about the goings on of her family and Muggle contraptions.

Molly Weasley leaned in closer so that she could speak with Remus privately. "So, Remus, is everything going well between you and dear Tonks? It seems the two of you are right back where you started, and Tonks certainly has never looked happier." She said, indicating to Tonks' hair, which she had morphed back to bright pink. "It's been a long time since I've seen that shade of candy floss pink."

Remus smiled appreciatively at the loving matriarch. "We are finding our way back together again, but I still have my reservations, Molly."

"I know you do, Remus, but there is no greater force in this world than love. It certainly has pulled Arthur and I through many rough years. Especially now, during this time of crisis, it's love that is going to see all of us through the storm, mark my words. I know you and Tonks will find your own life together, one that is just as safe and happy as any other couple. On another note, I hope your mission with the werewolves is at an end." Molly's voice was not quite as low as it had been and was quickly heard by Tonks who looked curiously over to their conversation.

Remus chewed and swallowed his food slowly, giving himself time to think of an answer. He hadn't told Nymphadora what McGonagall had asked him to do, and contemplated that perhaps lying would be the easiest solution, but decided against this. The truth always had a way of coming out. "Unfortunately, it is not entirely finished. Minerva asked me to try and reestablish a connection with the pack so that we may be able to understand Greyback, and therefore Voldemort's, goings on." He tried to avoid Tonks' eyes, but he could see in his peripheral vision the look of concern she had.

"Has McGonagall gone mad?" Tonks protested. "You'll be killed, Remus! Once Greyback sees you-"

"I'll be fine, Dora. I'm not going back underground, I just need to establish connections with some of the more understanding members who would be willing to act out the part of spy."

"Still, I don't think that McGonagall knows the risks she puts you through." Tonks said, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I guess we are all putting ourselves in danger," said Bill. "We knew what we signed up for when we joined the Order."

"But Dumbledore was still its leader then…" Tonks said quietly.

"You don't trust Mad-Eye?" asked Remus.

"It's not that I don't trust him, it's just, I trusted Dumbledore more." Said Tonks. "Mad-Eye's a brilliant Auror and all that, can be scarier than anyone I know, and can drink you under the table, but he doesn't seem to have the calm reasoning Dumbledore always had. Mad-Eye's a little, well, _mad_."

The group was silent, thinking about their fallen leader and what it meant for the Order. Remus personally thought Tonks had a point, but he also knew that Alastor Moody was an extremely powerful and intelligent wizard who was more than capable of leading the Order, especially with his years of experience hunting down Death Eaters.

It was Ron who broke the silence. "Well, I don't know about you lot, but it's been a long day. So I'm going to say goodnight. It was good to see you, Professor Lupin, and you, too, Tonks."

"You're leaving already, Ron, without dessert?" Mrs. Weasley said looking shocked.

"I'm just not in the mood, mum," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day," Mr. Weasley said, laughter in his voice.

"_Oui_, I am feeling tired as well. Bill, you should come to bed soon, _vous avez besoin d'obtenir repos_." Said Fleur, magically clearing her and Bill's dishes from the table into the kitchen sink.

"Yes, dear," Bill grumbled.

"Bill, before you leave, might I have a word?" Remus asked.

"Sure," said Bill, eager not to leave the company too soon.

"Do not keep 'im up too late, Loopin, he needs to rest." Said Fleur sternly.

"I won't, don't worry, this won't take long."

"I'm going to go check on Ginny," said Tonks, also waving her wand to clear her place setting. "Dinner was delicious as always, Molly," she said, before heading upstairs.

Remus and Bill went outside to walk around the gardens, as the night was crisp and clear. Remus wasn't entirely sure where to begin.

"You don't have to look so serious, Lupin, I know you're here to tell me about all the _wonders_ of lycanthropy." Said Bill, defusing the tension that had formed between them.

"Your father was concerned that you were worried about what transformations might be like." Remus said sheepishly.

"I know everyone keeps telling me that in all likelihood I won't become a full werewolf, but that still doesn't mean I'm not anxious for anything that might crop up."

"Full lycanthropy would be rare, Bill, but you may experience some of side effects, especially during full moons. The week before the moon, like this week, can bring some of the worst effects. All of your emotions are heighten, your senses become heighten, and your, well," Remus didn't know quite how to put this. "It's uh, like your sixteen years old again, if you know what I mean."

Bill laughed. "Ha, well that doesn't sound so bad."

"Trust me, sometimes its all you want to do that you can't think, you can't function." Said Remus, looking down at the ground.

"So it's _just_ like when you're sixteen?" Bill grinned but knew how private Lupin was and decided to change the subject. "So what else should I look out for? Or more importantly," he said grinning, not able to keep the cheek from his voice. "Should Fleur look out for?"

Remus grinned. "Well, you start to have cravings for odd things, especially raw meat. I wasn't entirely joking when you'll want to have your steaks rare from now on. The taste of blood, it's something you become accustom to, and even start to crave."

"Blood?" Bill said, looking repulsed.

"Well, like I said, you won't become a full werewolf, so that's something you won't need to worry about."

"Are you telling me that you have cravings for blood? Like some kind of vampire?"

"It is not the same manner as vampirism, where their greatest desire as well as life source is blood. But when we are in our wolf form, we want to bite and scratch and kill and eat. We crave the greatest of all animals: humans. Sometimes the urge to kill is so all consuming that it simply cannot be controlled. The greatest prevention measure is the Wolfsbane potion, which allows you to keep your mind when you transform so that the animalistic urges are not nearly as strong."

"Do you think it would be wise for me to take some before the full moon this week?"

"You won't need to, and beside, Wolfsbane can be deadly to non-werewolves. It's also devilishly tricky to make and very expensive. Should something happen, and you would be in need of it, brew it yourself, if you can, or trust your source. Wolfsbane is easily tampered with, and the ramifications of such a tampered potion can be very serious, even fatal."

"Do you take it before you transform?"

Remus sighed. "Sadly, I don't have the funds to afford it. I take every precaution I can to make sure that I do not harm any living creature while I'm under the influence of the moon. Most of the time, I simply bite or scratch myself, and that is enough. But other times…"

_Waking up to the sounds of a bird chirping, Remus moved his sore and naked frame off the soft earth. Not surprisingly, he found himself covered in blood. Checking his body for the source, he found only minor cuts and scrapes. There was nothing to indicate that these would have the ability to produce the amount of blood that now caked and stained his skin. Looking around for clues, thinking he might have killed a poor animal in the night, Remus found a trail of dark rust colored spots leading to a crumpled bloody heap a few yards away. Examining the creature further, Remus was startled by how disturbingly gruesome the animal's body had become. Holding a hand to his nose to look even closer without taking in the putrid smell, Remus was hit with fresh understanding of what this creature was. It wasn't an animal at all. It was a man._

_Waves of nausea flooded Remus' senses, which had nothing to do with the smell of decaying flesh. Turning his head away from the scene, he vomited, expelling the remains of his kill. Steadying his breath, controlling his tears, he looked again to the man. He saw how he had ripped his intestines from his body, the entrails spilling out from the abdominal cavity. The vital organs had been removed and shredded to bits, spread throughout the surrounding area. The heart was completely gone. Great chunks of his flesh had been removed on his arms and legs, and Remus could see the teeth and claw marks up and down the length of the man's body. His face was torn beyond recognition, but he could still make out the man's eyes, which were opened wide in fear._

Bill hesitated. "What is it like? Turning into a wolf?"

Remus didn't even know where to begin an explanation. Bill looked worried, and telling him the truth would only scare him further. But, if there was any chance he could transform, he needed to know what he was facing. Remus wished all those years ago when he was a boy, someone would have told him how the pain would be unbearable, that he would want to die than to continue to live with such agony.

Remus shivered, which had nothing to do with the temperature, as he recalled the all too familiar way he lost his humanity every month. "At first, you know that it is coming when everything feels still, as though your body has fallen asleep. It's almost peaceful, in the beginning. But then you're hit with sharp stinging sensations, which are followed by feeling every one of your bones breaking to then reattach themselves into unnatural positions. At the same time, your skin feels like it's burning with an intensity that you think 'surely this is what it is like to be on fire' as it starts to sprout fur. Your screams then become howls as you lose your mind and are no longer a man capable of rational thought and feeling. In short, it's agony."

"And you go through this every month?" Bill, who until this point kept a playful demeanor, now looked petrified.

"I tell you this not to scare you, or for you to pity me. But I tell you this in the rare chance that if you do turn, you know what will be coming. I wish someone would have told me what I might expect on my first transformation."

"Mum said you were bitten as a little boy. I can't imagine what it must have been like going through that as a kid."

"It was frightening, I won't deny that. And my parents tried to do everything they could for me, but there really was nothing they could do. The Wolfsbane potion had not yet been invented. My father spent his entire life searching for a cure, but never came close."

Bill was silent, thinking about everything Remus had told him. Remus, too, began to think about the early days of his transformations. Over the years, it hadn't gotten easier, but it had become something predictable, a pain Remus knew to expect.

"And can I spread it? If I do have lycanthropy, could I spread it to Fleur?"

"You would have to bite her under the influence of the moon."

"What about our children? Could they be infected by it?"

"There is still debate about this topic, although there is no conclusive evidence proving one way or another. In fact, there is very little research on most topics of lycanthropy because of the prejudices surrounding our kind. There are those who believe that the carrier of lycanthropy now has mutated genes that would be passed along to their offspring. Others debate that it is something that comes from the saliva of a werewolf and therefore can only be spread through biting. While I was underground with the pack, Greyback encouraged the mating of werewolves, as werewolf offspring are more common when both parents are infected. However, carrying a child to term when the mother would shift proved to be highly difficult and if it was achieved, the child rarely survived past its first moon. It was a horrible sight to watch." Remus shook his head. "This is one of the reasons I did not want Nymphadora and I to be intimate with one another. I couldn't risk the possibility of children who might inherit my condition."

"I'm sorry, Remus, for teasing Tonks earlier about Charlie. I know it can't be the easiest conversation topic for you, ha, or her for that matter. It was all in good fun. We go way back, Tonks and I, so I know how much she loves you, and things between her and my brother never would have worked out. They used to fight like cats and dogs, all the time. Wicked stubborn, my brother, won't admit when he's wrong."

"Stubborn also seems to cover Nymphadora in spades."

"She really was a mess without you this past year. Always so worried about your safety when you were away. Come crying to mum when she'd hear about how Greyback would attack someone and think it was you."

"I put her through hell, I know. And I've been an absolute fool not trying to make her happy. But a future with me…" Remus shook his head. "I had resigned myself to a life of loneliness many years ago. The risks for falling in love with someone were too great."

"But if you love each other, why-"

"Think about it. Would you want Fleur to see or hear you each month screaming in agony only to help you the next morning weak and covered in your own blood? Every month have her fear that you might get loose, or dangerously harm yourself?" Remus touched the delicate scar on his throat that had nearly ended his life. "To love her so much, but never be able to give her children for fear of harming her, or harming them? Of watching your child die from a disease you gave them? No, that is not a life I would wish upon anyone, especially Nymphadora."

"But Tonks is tough. If anyone could handle it, she could. Plus, I think she's seen way scarier shit in her time as an Auror, especially with Mad-Eye, than anything you could possibly dish out."

"It's true that she is highly skilled witch, and she's been through much in her life. But I don't want her to wake up one morning and regret that she wasted her life away on a man who cannot hold down a job and cannot give her a family."

"She doesn't care about those things."

"Not yet, but she will."

"Listen Remus," Bill said looking him square in the eye. "You love her don't you?"

"Of course, more than anything."

"Marry her," Bill said simply.

"What?"

"Marry her. It's as simple as that. No really, hear me out," Bill said because Remus had started to laugh. "We're in the middle of a war, a war that is going to define generations to come. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to wake up tomorrow to find that everything that was good in my life is gone, and that my chance at any happiness was a distant memory. Look at Dumbledore; we just buried one of the greatest wizards of our time. If that doesn't prove the delicacy of life, I don't know what does. Besides, if you love her, marry her and be happy. We all could die tomorrow, so why not live for today?"

"Didn't you hear anything I just told you? What kind of life could I give her?"

"One where you make her happy and she makes you happy."

"But how can anyone be happy living in poverty?"

"You don't need to have money to be happy, Remus. Look at my parents. They've spent their entire marriage floating somewhere between bankruptcy and having a few savings. But I have never met two people still so completely in love and blissfully happy in my entire life, it's sickening, really. Now I'm not saying it was always an easy life, but they always did their best to provide for their children and they made sure we never realize the dire straights they might have been in. Besides, being an Auror, she's one of the top paid employees at the Ministry. She certainly can provide for the two of you."

"But she shouldn't have to," Remus said.

"You aren't going to be all 'chivalrous' and say that the man should provide for this wife? Because I've got to tell you, mate, you fell in love with the wrong witch."

Remus smiled. Bill had a point. Tonks always was telling him he had such foolish notions of how their relationship was _suppose_ to be instead of letting it be what it _was_. "You're right, Bill," Remus said, clasping a hand on the young man's shoulder. "You know, I suppose I'm just as stubborn as Nymphadora."

"Probably more so, though I have to say, you are a brave and lucky man to be able to call her by her first name. Charlie tried once and got socked in the face."

"How long were they together?" Remus asked. He was starting to grow a little tired of hearing about Charlie Weasley, but his curiosity in their relationship was still peaked.

"For close to a year, I think." Said Bill with a shrug.

Nodding, Remus, looking down at his watch, said "Well, we had best be getting back inside."

"Yeah, Fleur will start to fuss about me being outside for so long. And, Remus, thank you for talking with me. I know that can't be easy for you, to talk about something so personal."

"It's alright, I only hope that I might have been able to alleviate some fear, instead of adding to them. Besides, the chances of you shifting are rather slim, so I wouldn't be building a safe room just yet."

Bill and Remus walked back inside the warm house where Molly had brought out a homemade strawberry tart, which was being enjoyed by Tonks, Ginny, and Ron over cups of tea.

"So you decided to have dessert after all." Said Bill laughing. "I thought thestrals were going to fall from the sky when you said you wanted to go to bed with so little to eat."

"Yeah, well…" Ron said, giving a sheepish look over to Ginny.

"Bill, you might want to go calm down your fiancée, I can hear her pacing from here." Ginny said, who seemed to be in better spirits than she was earlier.

"Alright, alright, I'm on my way. Tonks, it was good seeing you again, I'll let Charlie know that you are still pining after him."

"You'd better watch yourself, Bill Weasley. I still could kick your arse if I wanted to."

"Ha, you wish. Remus, you might need to teach your girlfriend some manners."

Remus grinned, sitting down next to her. "I've given up trying to convince her of anything."

"Because he knows it's pointless." Tonks said smugly.

"I think I might say goodnight as well," said Ginny, taking her cup of tea with her. "I'll see you soon?" she said looking at Tonks.

"Definitely. I just need to see about my schedule at work, but I'll send word with an owl soon." Tonks said, getting from her chair to give her a warm hug. "Goodnight, Ginny, and remember, everything will look better in the morning."

"I know, thanks, Tonks. Goodnight, Professor Lupin."

"Goodnight, Ginny." He said. They all watched her climb the stairs as Tonks sat back down. There was an awkward moment, as Ron, Tonks and Lupin all seemed at a loss of what to say. Ron simply didn't know how to act as Tonks was unconsciously rubbing the small of Remus' back with her hand and looking at his former professor in such an intimate manner.

"Well," he said standing up and pushing in his chair. "I, uh, should probably get going to bed as well."

Remus then remembered what McGonagall had asked him to do. "Ron, if you could wait a moment." Remus said, also standing up. "I know that Dumbledore asked Harry to do something before he died. A mission of sorts." Tonks looked from Remus to Ron with concern and curiosity. "I have no doubt that Harry has confided in you and Hermione. Am I right in thinking this way?"

"Maybe," Ron said, but his not so subtle manner gave him away.

"Is it possible for me to know what Dumbledore had asked him to do?"

"I'm sorry, Lupin, but that's for Harry to say." Ron said.

"Can I assume, then, that the three of you won't be returning to Hogwarts next term?" Remus suspected that Harry might attempt to do something foolish, because chasing after Voldemort while he should be in school would be exactly something James or Sirius would have done.

"Look, please don't tell my mum, she'd have a field day if she knew I wasn't going back to school." Ron pleaded.

"I have no intension of telling your mother. I'm simply asking so I know if Harry will have some protection and he's not foolishly risking his life."

"We have a plan," Ron said cryptically and did not elaborate further.

"Does it involve Voldemort?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry, Lupin, but like I said, you'll have to ask Harry about it. He swore Hermione and I both to secrecy because Dumbledore told him not to tell anyone."

"But he told you and Hermione?"

"Well, Dumbledore said we were okay, but no one else." Ron said plugging the hole in his logic.

"Alright, it was worth a shot." Remus said, conceding the point. Tonks this whole time was patiently observing the scene, looking curious, but did not say a word. "You ready to leave?" Remus asked her.

"Absolutely. I suddenly find myself very ready for bed." Tonks said, and the double meaning was not lost on Ron, who went beet red and hurriedly said goodnight to both of them. Tonks smiled, laughter in her eyes, standing up to pull her arms around his waist. Pulling her close within his own arms, Remus gave her a light kiss. "Well, then, let's not waste anymore time."

Not knowing where Molly and Arthur had gone, but seeing a large basket of leftovers and other treats Molly had magically cooked up for both of them, they decided to leave the Burrow. Walking the length of the yard until they could Apparate, Remus found himself content in the cool night air, the sorrow he felt just a few hours ago seemingly leaving his body as he walked hand in hand with Nymphadora.

Remus Apparated them both back to his house.

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><p>an: a bit more exposition, a few more clues, the start of a beautiful friendship between remus and bill, and next we'll see what horrible memories can be found in remus' childhood home.

a **big** thank you to everyone who has reviewed! it really gives me encouragement to hear feedback on my work and makes me want to update chapters sooner! if you haven't, please don't be shy, click the button and review! please and thank you!


	5. Pride and Prejudices

a/n: harry potter characters are the property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers. I merely play with them for my own amusement. No copyright infringement is intended. M rating for language, adult situations, and mild violence.

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Pride and Prejudices<strong>

"So, this is the mysterious Lupin House." Tonks said, taking out her wand to help illuminate the old cottage in the woods. Even with only the tip of her wand lit, she could see the stone exterior was crumbling, the ivy terribly wild and overgrown, the landscaping withered and brown. It had the look of a place that had once been something picturesque, an ideal country cottage, but had been long abandoned in a hurry, lost to the elements and time. The memories of those who had inhabited it seem to linger everywhere, like stubborn spirits not willing or able to move on. Remus knew it had certainly seen better days, especially when his mother was alive, and he dreaded what she might think of the interior.

"Well, are you going to invite me in?" She asked, looking at him as though there was nothing wrong and he was simply being rude by not opening the door for her.

"Of course, sorry…" he said, pulling out his wand to wave away the enchantments and protective spells. "There really is not much to it." He led her inside, magically turning on all the lights. "I've left your bags in my room, which is upstairs and to the right. There's a toilet here," he said pointing to the hall bathroom. "There is another bedroom upstairs and to the left," he said pointing to his old bedroom. "Kitchen, living room, and dining room," he said gesturing to the rest of the space. Tonks took her time walking around, quietly inspecting the faded wallpaper, tracing the lighter patches of the outlines where photos had been hung on the walls. Silently, she made her way upstairs to look at each of the bedrooms. Her lack of commentary was unnerving.

"Look, if you don't want to stay here, I'd completely understand. We could always get a room in London, or see if we might use Grimmauld Place again. I know Moody put curses on it in case Snape would come snooping, and I'm sure Harry wouldn't mind-"

"No, it's charming here." She said from the master bedroom. "I love it."

"Really?" he asked incredulously.

"Sure, I mean, it needs work, obviously. But with a new coat of paint and some new furniture this place could look really great."

"It might need more than just a coat of paint…" Remus muttered, looking around at the flaking wallpaper, the uneven and warped floorboards, the minor cracks in the panes of glass in the windows, the hole in the roof that leaked when it rained.

"Why is this other bedroom door locked?" she asked, taking out her wand.

"I just always keep it locked." Remus said. It truth, it was so he was never tempted to visit the room that held too many memories. Tonks, always up for a good mystery, magically gained entry to room and began exploring. Remus knew there was not much to see that would have peaked her curious nature; mostly boxes, a few items from his time teaching at Hogwarts and stacks of books.

"Did you have a sister?" she asked, her voice traveling downstairs.

"A sister?" he called back at her.

"Yeah, the walls in here are, I think, are some shade of pink."

"They were scarlet at one point," Remus said sheepishly, climbing the stairs to very hesitantly enter his old bedroom. "My mum painted them for me after my first year at Hogwarts for being sorted into Gryffindor. There was a beautiful mural on the wall above my bed, of all sorts of magical creatures. She was a wonderful painter, a really gifted artist."

"When was the last time you've been in here?" she said, her voice echoed through the empty room.

"Ages," he admitted.

"I can tell," she said looking over at him. His childhood bedroom was not a place he had visited in years, evident by the thick coat of dust that enveloped everything, and large cobwebs that hung precariously in corners.

Gesturing again to the walls he said, "My father saw the red walls and became enraged. He thought my mum was playing a cruel joke and painted them back to the pale blue grey they were originally. I protested but he would not budge in changing them back and my mum didn't wanted to anger him further. I tried to change them myself, but of course being an underage wizard, I managed a weak red and a warning from the Ministry for using magic outside of school."

"Why did your father think it was cruel to paint the walls red? I mean, I can't tell you the number of times my parents have had to repaint my room and there was definitely a yellow and black stripe phase after my first year back from Hogwarts."

Remus said, with a rather guilty expression, "He thought the scarlet color was a reminder of blood."

"Oh." She said, an expression of concern on her face.

"After the warning from the Ministry, I never brought up the subject again, so the walls remained this rather effeminate color for years, long after my father died and even while I've been on my own, I still have never changed it. Though, I don't quite remember it being this pink," he said, taking a closer look.

"So you've always had an affinity for things that are pink, have you?" she said grinning. He smiled, thinking of the odd connection.

But his face grew grim as he continued, "You have to understand, my parents had a strained relationship toward the end of my father's life. My mother never really stopped blaming him for Greyback attacking me."

"What did he do to Greyback that was so horrible to warrant such revenge?"

"I never was able to get a straight answer, but he insulted him in some manner, and Greyback retaliated the best way he knows how."

"What, did they get into some row in a pub and Greyback took it to the extreme and punished you to punish him?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. When I was underground, Greyback was very keen to tell me it was he who had bitten me all those years ago, but never told me why he wanted to get even with my father."

"That must have been difficult for your mother," she said.

"Like I said, she loved my father, and she loved me, but I don't think she ever stopped blaming him for what had happened." Remus took a deep breath before adding, "He died here, in this room."

Tonks clasped a hand to her mouth. "How did it happen?" she asked, a look of horror on her face.

"He and my mum were having another row, about nothing, as they always did, so I was outside playing with the new broom I had gotten for my birthday. I was about thirteen at the time. And I remember hearing my mother screaming, so I ran inside to see what was the matter. And I found him, lying on the floor, his face terribly pale grasping at his chest and my mother frozen in fear, not knowing what to do to help him."

"What had happened?"

"His heart had failed him. It wasn't four or five years later that my mum passed away during my last year at Hogwarts. She died at St. Mungo's. They could never give me a clear reason as to why she died, but I think the sorrow she held for my father, for never truly forgiving him and the guilt that ensued, made her so deeply ill her body simply failed her."

"No wonder you keep this door locked…" Tonks said, coming over to hug Remus, who was motionless. He had never told that story before to anyone. Not even to James or Sirius or Lily. He stood there, quiet and still as her slender arms embraced him, as though through osmosis she could take away his deep sorrow.

"Were you close with your father?" she asked quietly.

"He was never around much after I was bitten. He loved me, always made a point of telling me so, and loved my mother more than life itself, but he was terribly troubled for years. Would disappear for weeks at a time and then come home as though no time had passed."

Tonks, releasing him from her embrace, walked cautiously through the small room before carefully looking through the closet, which held the majority of the boxes. "What's in the boxes?"

"Things from my past," he answered simply. "But books mostly. As you can see," gesturing out the door to the empty living spaces. "I am lacking a proper book shelf."

"Well, once I move my stuff in here you'll be able to put your books away." She said, wandering back out to hall landing. "We could make the smaller bedroom an office of sorts, if you'd like. And then," she said, rushing down the stairs. "My couch could go here." She said, indicating the middle of the room. "And then that way it will divide the space in half leaving the other half as a sort of dining area." She looked over to the small wooden table and two mismatched dilapidated chairs that currently served as Remus' dinning set. Frowning she said, "I think mum said I could have a bunch of her and dad's old things from their first house. I know the furniture in my flat in London may be a bit too 'modern' for your sensibilities."

"It is not. I'm just… a bit more traditional, that's all." Remus said. "I have nothing against your lime green couch or your shag carpet."

Tonks laughed. "Well, my shag carpet probably wouldn't go with this shabby cottage at any rate. My parent's old things would be a bit more on point with the feel of this house. Plus, it's just sitting in storage, so I don't see why my mum would miss it."

"Dora, I thought we agreed that this was just a temporary situation. That once the lease was up for the renters in your flat in London, you'd move back there."

"And yet, I came to a different conclusion." She said, a sarcastic gleam in her eyes. "I thought we agreed as we are both very accomplished wizards, and there would be no point in separating us further."

"Dora-"

"Remus. Really, don't fight me on this one you'll only lose. It's going to happen eventually, so why delay the inevitable? Besides, now you can have me whenever you want." She kissed him as though to prove her point. Remus was amazed, as always, the easy way she could change his mind, even in the face of his deepest protests. Bill's words of living for today seemed to echo through his conscious thought and if he was being honest with himself, the idea of waking next to her every morning was very tempting indeed.

Remus finally consented to Tonks' moving in, so long as she still kept her flat in London even if she did continue to let it out. They talked through the finer points of what furniture they needed, how it should be placed, and colors for the walls. It was well past one in the morning before they finally found themselves tired and ready for bed. The entirety of what had happened that day made Remus feel the weariness deep in his bones.

They had buried the body of the greatest wizard of the age today. The height of the Second Wizard War was creeping ever closer upon them, yet, here in his parent's old bedroom, an arm wrapped around the warm sleeping figure next to him, he could not have been happier.

The next morning, they woke up late as neither had to do anything for the Order, and Tonks didn't need to go into the Ministry as it was Sunday. The guilt over his own happiness had not escaped him in the night, and Remus started feeling the pangs of regret that he should be mourning Dumbledore more instead of planning a dining room with Tonks. Tonks, perhaps out of her own grief, decided very pointedly that she needed a project or a mission to do and set upon remaking the cottage. It was then that she decided she needed to visit her parents to take inventory of their unused furnishings. She sent along a Patronus messenger spell warning her parents of their arrival later that afternoon. Remus made breakfast while contemplating meeting her parents for the first time. But Remus realized suddenly while cracking eggs that he had already met Andromeda Black once before while visiting Sirius during the summer holiday.

_The house was ornate. It was overly decorated and overly populated with house elves, but having never seen a house elf before, Remus found them fascinating, if not a little overwhelming. Never before had someone taken his coat and bags from him, before showing him the way into the sitting room, like he was some kind of honored guest. Sirius and his mother were bickering over tea._

"_Remus!" Sirius said excitedly, coming over to greet him. "Mum, this is Remus Lupin, Remus this is my mum."_

"_Hmm," was all Walburga Black said, a sneer on her face._

"_Don't mind her, she's just got a stick up her arse." Sirius said in a low voice, and Remus was a little taken aback by the language Sirius used in describing his mother. "We're going up to my room, mum!" He said with false cheeriness, steering Remus out the door._

"_Nice to meet-" was all Remus could say before they were back in the hallway and making their way up the stairs. He was just thrilled that for the first time in his twelve years his parents allowed him to go somewhere other than school or home. He was equally thrilled that he had been invited somewhere by a friend._

"_Sorry about my mum, she's never friendly to anyone she doesn't know. Especially if their not purebloods. She loves James, though," he said, opening the door to his room where James Potter was sitting on the bed._

"_Yeah, I think she has a crush on me, really." Said James, looking up from the magazine he was reading, giving Remus a friendly smile._

"_Hey, James," Remus said excitedly._

"_She just gets like that, I wouldn't take it personally," said a young woman from the corner of the room Remus had not noticed in his excitement of being with friends._

"_Oh yeah, Remus, this is my cousin Andromeda. She's hiding out here while my aunt takes relaxation potion. Don't tell my mum though, she doesn't know she's here."_

"_Why? What happened?" Remus asked._

"_Got caught after curfew. I keep telling her, I'm a grown witch, and I don't need a bloody curfew. And I would have gotten away with it, had Cissy not ratted me out." Andromeda said._

"_You still live with her, Drom," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "What did you expect? I mean, you've already graduated from Hogwarts, I don't know why you're still hanging around that insane asylum."_

"_It's cheaper than paying rent on a place of my own, especially now I've started my Healer training, and I refuse to dip into my inheritance money. Besides, I'm still worried about Cissy, as annoying as she can be. She's been spending way too much time with Bella and that bloke she's been seeing, Roldolphus, and you know how much of an influence Bella can be."_

"_Well, once I graduate, I'm getting the hell out of here." Sirius said bitterly. "Uncle Alphard already said he'd leave me some money in his will if mum cuts me off and I'll just leave Regulus to deal with the dragon lady downstairs. He's her favorite, anyhow."_

"_So you're still seeing Ted?" James asked and Andromeda nodded. "Your mum has got to love that…"_

"_Whose Ted?" Remus asked, not wanting to be left out of the conversation._

"_My boyfriend." Andromeda said. "We've been secretly dating since Hogwarts."_

"_Why would it have to be secret?" Remus asked confused._

"_He's a Muggleborn." Andromeda said with a shrug._

"_So why should that matter? My mum is a Muggleborn-"_

"_Don't tell my mum that!" Sirius half jokingly said, but Remus could see concern on his friend's face. "You'll be kicked out of here faster than you can say _Toujours Pur_. I've had to burn all your parents' correspondence before she could read it, voicing their concerns and insisting you be home a week before the full moon." Sirius laughed. "I don't know what she'll be more angry about, that my friend is a werewolf or that he's half-blood."_

Remus found it odd that he had met Nymphadora's mother before she was born, the fact of which merely made him feel too old to be dating her daughter. But forcing his concerns aside, trying out his new mantra of 'living for today', the pair enjoyed their breakfast together. They then spent a few hours walking around the exterior of the house, going over the changes needed on the outside, a long list to be sure, and soon enough it was time they needed to get ready to leave. Nervously, he took a shower, contemplating what he was going to say to her father. He hoped in some respect to have Ted Tonks' permission to date his daughter, and perhaps one day, marry her. But marriage was a long time coming, and so instead tried to practice what he might say to convince them both that Dora living with a werewolf would be as harmless as her living with her pet owl, Wagtail. Nothing sounded sensible in his head, which only made his nervousness increase. Changing into what he hoped was something presentable, Tonks laughed at him when he emerged from the bathroom.

"What? Is there a stain or something?" Remus asked looking around for the source of her amusement.

"No, no, it's just, Remus, you're wearing a tie." She said, looking bemused.

"So?"

"We're not having tea with the Minister for Magic, we're just going to see my parents!" He then noticed she was wearing a pair of skinny black jeans and her favorite Weird Sisters t-shirt, looking thoroughly casual.

"I wanted to make a good first impression." He said indignantly.

"Love, you don't need to try so hard. I mean, I will be impressed if my father even has trousers on by noon on a Sunday, so you certainly don't need to worry about a tie."

"I know, but I've never been introduced to your parents before, and it's bad enough their daughter's partner doesn't even have a job, let alone a nice shirt and tie."

"They're not like that, Remus. Honestly, you are getting worked up over nothing." She said, and she loosened the tie from around his neck. But the release of knot only made his nerves escalate.

"It will be fine," She repeated, kissing his worried mouth. "They're going to love you."

"I certainly hope so, especially if we're telling them we're moving in together."

"Let me handle that," she said. "Come on, it's now or never." She took hold of his hand and Apparated them both into the yard of Tonks' childhood home.

It was a large Georgian colonial placed in the middle of a well cared for lawn. He noticed a pond and a garden, and a feeling of tranquility and love that seemed to encompass the space. There was a nice Muggle car in the drive, as well as bicycles and brooms leaning against the garage. It was an odd mix of magic and non-magic items, yet it all seem to fit together. Remus didn't have time to take in everything, as Tonks was leading him up the front walk to the door with a hurried step. Without even knocking, Tonks walked in shouting "Wotcher!"

"Nymphadora?" her heard a woman's voice call out.

"Mum?" Tonks called back.

"In the kitchen, dear!"

Grinning, Tonks hurried through the house to the back where the kitchen resided. Following, Remus watched a swinging door reveal the gentle scene of mother and daughter reuniting. Giving them a moment before walking into the kitchen, Remus took a deep breath and tried to smile; his insides were doing summersaults.

"Mum, this is-"

"Remus Lupin, it has been a long time." Andromeda Tonks said, finishing her daughter's sentence.

"Andromeda, good to see you again." He said, holding out his hand, which she shook politely. Andromeda Black had changed very little from the young woman Remus remembered seeing in Sirius' bedroom all those years ago. She still had that Black air of haughty poise and grace, but the lines around her eyes and mouth soften her features, as well as the light flour that dusted her nose from baking.

"I have to say, I was surprised Nymphadora said she was bringing you along. But, of course, you two work together in the Order." She said, returning to the mixing she had been doing.

"Mum, I've told you Remus and I-"

"I told your father to get some proper trousers on for lunch today." She said interrupting her daughter. "You know how he is on Sundays. Cannot pull him away from that blasted Muggle television box of his."

"Dad will have to show you his new television set, Remus. But mum, the reason I brought Remus around today was that we wanted-"

"Is that my Dora, I hear?" Ted Tonks, a jovial looking man with a round belly and fair hair bounced into the room, thankfully wearing trousers.

"Dad!" Tonks said happily, hugging her father.

"And this must be the famous Remus Lupin we've heard so much about," Ted said, turning around to look at Remus.

"Yes, please to meet you," Remus said holding out his hand to shake.

"No need to be so formal, son!" Ted Tonks said, pulling Remus into a bear hug. "You'll find us Tonkses to be quite rubbish when it comes to manners and the like."

"Ted, dear, why don't you take Remus around the house while Nymphadora and I finish up in the kitchen?" Andromeda said curtly.

"Sure, Dromeda. Now, Remus, Dora has told me you had Muggle grandparents?" Ted said, clasping an arm around Remus' shoulders, leading him away from the kitchen.

"Yes, sir, on my mother's side."

"Now, what did I say about formalities? Call me Ted."

"Oh right, of course, uh, Ted." Remus said awkwardly. "My mother was a Muggleborn."

"Muggle, such a funny word, don't you think? When Dumbledore came around to tell my parents about the wizarding world and about my going to Hogwarts, they were chuffed to bits! Gobsmacked, to be sure, but thought it was all great fun. When we had Dora, we, or I should say _I,_ wanted to make sure she was au fait her with both magical and non-magical contraptions so you'll find our house having both! Dromeda thinks it is a bit ostentatious, but I think it all works together. I'm always saying that there would be more understanding between wizards and Muggles if wizards had a better appreciation for the cleverness of their non-magical counterparts. Ah, here we are!"

Remus had been lead into what was most certainly Ted own private living area. A large television set was the centerpiece of the room, which was encompassed by large, comfortable, worn-in leather couches and matching chairs. Pictures and posters covered almost the entirety of wall space making it hard to see the dark green paint underneath. The pictures on the walls were those that magically moved and those that were still, mostly the pictures of his Muggle family. He saw Nymphadora's face everywhere. There was also memorabilia from his time playing Quidditch, as well as a signed ball from a team called Manchester United. Remus saw cramped in the back of the room, against the only window, a spectacular clawed wooden desk, stacked high with papers and books. Remus saw on his left that built into the wall was a counter containing every alcoholic bottle imaginable. To the right, was an antique card table, with half finished liquor glasses creating rings in the ancient wood. There were half smoked cigars and cigarette butts in an ashtray, and Remus could smell there was still a cigarette burning. In short, it was a ghastly masculine mess.

"So what do you think?" Ted said, looking around the room with pride. "It's a bit of a mess, Dromeda refuses to go in here. I usually bodge the cleaning spells, but I'm really the only one whose ever in here, so it's just the way I like it."

"It's, well, it's certainly something." Remus said, not really knowing what to say.

"It is, isn't it? This usually is where I go to entertain clients. I have the boys over every Friday to play cards." He said walking to over to the bar, magically putting ice into two glasses before pouring two generously portioned Scotches. "You drink?" he said, handing Remus the glass.

"It's a little early for me," Remus said, taking the glass all the same.

"Cheers," Ted said, taking a large gulp from his own glass. Remus reluctantly took a sip. He had to concede that this was excellent Scotch. "So, Dromeda tells me you were friends with Sirius?" Ted said, sitting down in one of leather chairs and Remus chose the couch next to it.

"That's right," Remus said.

"Bad luck about what happened to him," he said shaking his head. "We know the truth, Dora told us all about it." Ted added, at Remus' hesitation in speaking. "Dromeda tried to visit him while he was in London, but her crazy family put a hex on the place making it impossible for her to enter it. Both Dora and Andromeda were torn up to bits about his death."

"Yeah, it was hard on us all."

"But still, he went down fighting for the greater good. I couldn't think of a better way for a man to go. Never really met the man myself, he snuck away to come to our wedding, and I've certainly heard plenty of stories." Ted said, chuckling. "He seemed like a capital fellow."

"He was," Remus said, becoming a little uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

"I was also sorry to hear about Dumbledore, as well." The mention of Dumbledore's name brought reality into sharper focus. Had they really only buried him yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago. "We wanted to go to the funeral," Ted continued, "but Dromeda has a hard time seeing those who shunned her all those years ago. I keep telling her that it was ages, and most people would have forgotten such silly things, but still…"

Remus personally thought Andromeda bore such a great deal of resemblance to her older sister, Bellatrix, that attending public gatherings could make things rather awkward.

"Dumbledore was a great man," Remus said.

"He was," Ted agreed, holding up his glass and Remus did the same, drinking more Scotch than he intended to so early in the afternoon.

"So, onto the matter at hand. You and Dora," Ted said, finishing the last of his glass, smacking his lips. "This has been going on for a while now?"

"You could say that," Remus said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. The Scotch had done nothing to settle his nerves.

"Had a bit of a falling out last year though?" Ted said, looking serious.

"Yes, sir, uh, I mean, Ted," Remus said. He felt like he was sixteen years old again, about to ask a father permission to date his daughter. At least, this is what he would have felt like had he ever been close to any girl he'd wanted to date.

Ted chuckled. "No need to be nervous, son, I have no say in who my daughter dates or doesn't date. She's a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. That doesn't mean I don't have some concerns," Ted said, looking seriously at Remus. "There is no denying that Dromeda and I have some reservations about her dating a werewolf."

And here was the moment everything would be ruined for him. "Look, Ted, I don't know what Nymphadora has told you-"

Ted laughed, releasing some of the tension. "Nymphadora? Things _must_ be serious if she let's you call her by her first name!"

"I don't know what she's told you," Remus continued as his courage was starting to fail him. "But my condition in no way will effect your daughter. I take every precaution to make sure no harm comes to her."

"I'm sure you do, son. I would never have known you were one of them unless Dromeda had told me first. You certainly don't fit the type. But that still doesn't mean a father can't worry about his only daughter. What do you do for a living?"

Another question Remus was dreading. "Right now, I am participating in activities for the Order of the Phoenix." He hoped that it sounded grander than it was.

"But apart from that?"

"Not much at the moment, but I was a Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts," he added lamely. "And I've had a few jobs since then, doing research and such, but I have focused most of my attention to my work with the Order."

"Well, what kind of hobbies or other interests do you have?"

"I am an avid reader," he said, but knew the hobby was lost on Ted Tonks, who laughed good-naturedly.

"Here's to hoping you might rub some of that off on Dora," he said, holding up his empty glass. Frowning at finding it empty, he got up to pour himself another. "Unless it's a biography on that one band she likes, what are they, the Nasty Sisters?"

"The Weird Sisters." Remus corrected him.

"Should be called the Nasty Sisters, the way their music is. If it's not about that band, she usually has no use for books."

"She has been reading a little more lately," Remus countered, but knew this was only a half-truth. In the time he had known Nymphadora Tonks, a book was the last thing he'd seen in her hands.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it. There were days I worried about her passing her N.E.W.T.s. Smart as a centaur, my girl, but always hated to gen up. Especially on the subjects she had no interest in."

"She is very smart," Remus agreed. Laughing, he added, "She has certainly taught me a thing or two over the years." Ted narrowed his eyes, starring at him after this comment. Remus, realizing what that must have sounded like to an overly concerned father, added quickly, "That's not at all what I meant, it came out completely wrong!" But Ted's serious facade broke down as he laughed, slapping his knee.

"Oh, Remus, no need for the correction. I knew what you meant," Ted said, sitting back down in his chair. "You really do need to lighten up, especially in this family." Remus was starting to agree, and thought seriously about asking for another drink. He now knew where Dora had gotten her playful nature. "Listen, you seem like a good man, Remus, though for the life of me, I can't see how you and my daughter fit together-" Remus started to protest but Ted raised a hand "-No need getting shirty, let me finish. If Dromeda and I can make it work, who am I to judge? And even though you don't need it, you have my blessing to be with my daughter. My wife, however, is another story. Convincing her will be like convincing a mother dragon to give up her egg. Despite her family's ridiculous prejudice over our marriage, she is not willing to look past her own."

"I know it's difficult to hear your only daughter is dating… someone like me," Remus began.

"I don't know if it's the being a werewolf, or the fact you were at school with her cousin Sirius, but Andromeda has got it in her mind this is a bad match." Remus felt the shame burning bright red patches on his cheeks. "Look," Ted said, sensing Remus' anxiety. "As long as you make my little girl happy, then I'm happy. It's as simple as that in my mind. And with another storm brewing from You-Know-Who and all of the uncertainty, happiness is all a parent could ask for. It could be sweet Fanny Adams for the lot of us tomorrow! But you know the Blacks; I don't think you could find people who were more stubborn."

"That I know all too well," Remus said, thinking of both Sirius and Nymphadora.

"So just give it some time with Andromeda. She was brought up a certain way, and even her marriage to me has not broken down all of her old prejudices. It's clear that Dora is arse over elbow for you, and Dromeda will come around, especially seeing how happy she is with you."

"Ted, I should let you know that Nymphadora and I are planning on living together."

"In her flat in London?"

"No, in my own home." It felt good saying it was his own home, as though it created some validation to his lack of vocation. "It's a cottage on the outskirts of Wootton Rivers, in Wiltshire."

"Wootton Rivers?" Ted said laughing. "What on earth is there out in Wootton Rivers?"

"Not much to be honest," Remus said with a shrug. "But with both of us working, we're barely ever home, and Nymphadora agreed to keep her flat in London."

"Again, as long as she's happy, even in a cottage in Wiltshire," Ted said laughing shaking his head. "I'm happy. She must really love you, you know?"

"I'm beginning to," Remus said. At that moment, Tonks burst through the door.

"Dad, mum is just impossible!" She said, dramatically flopping down on the couch next to Remus.

"You're only just figuring this out?" Her father said with a laugh.

"More impossible than usual." Tonks muttered. "Anyway, she wanted me to tell you lunch was ready, but I'm not so sure I want to go back out there. No wonder you hide away in here."

"Well, I'll go have a chat with her," Ted said getting up. "I'll let you know when the dragon is under control."

"Thanks, dad," said Tonks.

"Oh and Dora," Ted said, standing in the doorway. "This one is definitely a keeper."

"I certainly think so," she said, giving a thoroughly embarrassed Remus a kiss on the cheek, and Remus heard her father's infectious laugh all the way down the hall.

"So, did you and my dad have a nice chat?" She said, after her father was safely out of the way. "I honestly wasn't expecting him to hijack and interrogate you. Especially not in his _lair_."

"Yeah, this is quite a room." He said, not able to fully take in the entirety room, as there was so much to it.

"What did the two of you talk about?"

"You, mostly," he said. "He told me his concerns about our being together-" Tonks groaned "- but, he ultimately gave me his blessing."

"That was nice of him," Tonks muttered, still looking put out. "There are days I think my parents are still living in 1962."

"Your father doesn't strike me as being old fashioned." Remus said, thinking of Ted Tonks' jovial straightforward, and at times crude, manner of speaking.

"Not so much my dad, but my mum," she rolled her eyes. "I told her we are living together now, and you would have thought I just admitted to being You-Know-Who's mistress, the shock on her face."

"They're worried about you," Remus said. "You're their only child. It's natural for them to have reservations about our living together, especially with what I am."

"Speaking of which," she said, a curious expression on her face. "I never told my mum what you were, yet she seem to know all about it. She said she found out about it from a time you came to visit Sirius?"

"It was years ago," Remus said, the feeling of being ancient returning. "I think I was twelve at the time, visiting Sirius with James over the summer holiday."

"You don't think it's weird, that you met my mum before I was even born?"

"Of course I do! Nymphadora, I keep having to remind you of the age difference between us."

"You just don't seem that much older than I am." She said thoughtfully, moving some of his hair away from his face, and looking at him as though she was seeing for the first time his greying hair or his wrinkles. "You're only as old as you feel, I firmly believe that."

"Then there are days I feel like I'm eighty."

"Yet, when you're with me, and when I see the times when you are truly happy, you don't seem eighty. And you certainly don't act like you're eighty when we're in bed together." She said, smiling so seductively, kissing the outline of his jaw, moving ever so slowly to the delicate spot on his neck.

"Dora, we're in your parents house," he said, grinning, but looking around as though Ted would come bursting through the door. He had half a mind to lock it.

"Since when does that make a difference?" She said, climbing on top of his lap, unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt, moving her kisses further down onto his collarbone.

"Dora," he said, sighing over her ministrations.

"You know, you have yet to see my room," she said looking up into his eyes.

"And you think now, right before we are to have lunch with your parents, is the perfect time to show me around?"

"Maybe, who knows how long it would take for dad to calm down mum enough for her to be civil?"

"Nymphadora," he said. "It's bad enough your mother has to be asked to be civil, let alone having her find us in a compromising position."

"I'm going to mentally add about ten years to your age for being a fuddy duddy." She said playfully.

"Thank Merlin, the girl is finally seeing reason!" he said jokingly, raising his hands to the heavens in praise.

"Ah, Dora," Ted said walking in. "Lunch is ready." Remus craned his head around to see Ted Tonks with a very smug smile on his face, leaning against the doorframe.

"We'll be right there, dad," she said getting up off of Remus, acting as if nothing had been going on. Jumping to his feet and buttoning his shirt again, Remus wanted to apologize, but Ted left before any sounds could come out his mouth. Tonks just laughed.

Lunch passed by amicably, and even Andromeda seemed to be enjoying herself. The food was excellent, rivaling Molly Weasley's cooking. By the end of the meal, after several bottles from Ted Tonks' excellent wine collection, Remus was feeling warm and accepted at last.

"So, mum, Remus and I wanted to see what furniture you and dad might be willing to part with for our new place."

"Doesn't Remus have his own things?" Said Andromeda, cutting and handing out pieces of an excellent looking chocolate cake.

"He does," Nymphadora said slowly. "But it's a bit drab, no offense sweetheart."

"None taken," Remus said, helping himself to his slice of cake.

"You can take a look in the attic, see if anything looks good," Ted said through a mouth full of chocolate.

"Ted," Andromeda said sharply, in a manner that made Remus lose his appetite. "I don't think we should just be handing out furniture to just anyone."

"Mum, Remus and I are living together, and we need furniture. You and dad have an attic full that hasn't seen the light of day in ages. I don't see what the big deal is."

"And what happens, Nymphadora, when this little phase you're going through passes? What happens to your grandmother's vanity set, or my old dining table and chairs?"

"A phase? Is that what you think this is? A phase?" Tonks' temper was rising, and Remus put a hand on her arm to pacify her. It didn't work. "So my love for this man, the love I've had for over two years now, is just going to suddenly fade away?"

"What about that redheaded boy? Or that singer with the fang in his ear? Or any one of your other fleeting relationships? You were so sure those would last, what makes this one any less special besides the obvious fact that he's-"

"Because we're getting married!" she screamed. There was silence for a moment, and Remus looked over to Nymphadora whose face was resolute, but slightly startled by her blatant lie.

"Like hell you are!" Andromeda said, breaking the silence. "If you think your father or I are going to let you waste your life away on this, this, this… _thing_, you have another thing coming missy."

"_Thing_? Remus is a human being mum, if you haven't noticed. He doesn't have horns or giant spots, he is a man!"

"And on nights when the moon is full, what is he then?" She retorted.

"I've had enough," Tonks said getting up from her chair. "I'm sorry we even came around to this place."

"Dora, please," her father said calmly. "Your mother is just taken aback is all."

"No, dad, she's being a prejudiced witch who can't even see how happy her own daughter is. And if you can't accept that Remus and I are going to be together, then I want nothing more to do with you."

"Dora!" Her father pleaded. "This is silly... Andromeda, please tell your daughter this is all ridiculous."

"Why don't I leave," Remus said, standing up. "I'm only adding to the tension."

"I'm coming with you," Tonks said.

"Nymphadora Tonks, you sit back down and we are going to talk about this as a family." Ted Tonks said sounding just as stern as his wife. Tonks knew there was trouble when her father used her full name, but she hesitated defiantly. "Now!" he said banging his fists on the table. Startled, Tonks did as she was told. His voice calm and back to its jovial tones Ted added, "Remus, if you wouldn't mind just popping out for a moment. There is no need for you to leave without finishing your piece of cake, but I need a moment with my wife and daughter."

"Of course," Remus said, and made a humiliated exit out the front door.

Her parents saw what Remus had been telling her all along. His unwanted connection, his meager funds and lack of vocation, these were the reasons he had been presenting to her from the beginning. Walking around the well-kept garden, Remus knew that this would, once again, be the end to their relationship. How could he have let himself fall so quickly back in love with her? Nymphadora, who was so close to both of her parents, would never side with him if it meant her never seeing them again. And what was that outburst about _marriage_? The subject was barely ever talked about between them, and mostly dealt with in 'what if' scenarios. Sure, Remus would want to marry her someday, perhaps after the war was over and when a cure for lycanthropy was found, _then_ perhaps. But everything was moving along so quickly. Living together was a natural course their relationship had taken in the past, but marriage? He wanted to kick himself for thinking things would work out and be okay. More than anything he wanted to punch Bill Weasley for making him believe that living for today was the right philosophy.

"Remus?" Ted Tonks had come out of the house to join him in the garden. "I have to apologize for everyone's behavior in there. It's all sixes and sevens."

"Yet, I feel I need to apologize." Remus said, looking down at his worn out shoes. "Nymphadora is a wonderful woman, someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, truly. But there is no changing what I am, and I am sorry about that and for bringing it into your home."

"No need to apologize, son. We can't always change the worst parts of ourselves. My wife, for instance, cannot change the fact she was brought up in a home where the differences of others was something to be mocked and was taught they needed to be expunged from the world. And even after feeling the cruel end of her family's hatred, she still cannot deny the ingrained sense of needing everything to be a certain way. You know, when we realized Dora was a metamorphmagus, there was a time Andromeda wouldn't even hold her. Don't tell Dora any of this, she doesn't know. Healers told us it was post-partum depression, but years later she told me it was the thought of having something so unnatural connected to her. She couldn't see the unique and wonderful gift Dora was."

"But she came around?" Remus asked.

"She came around, loves that girl more than I thought possible for a mother to do. But you have to give her time, Remus," Ted said. "So this wedding-"

"Won't happen for a quite while," Remus said finishing his sentence.

Ted laughed. "Here I thought this was something Dora invented to throw a spanner in the works!"

"Well, it's something we've talked about, but there has been no real proposal yet."

"Well, speaking as a father, I would hope seeing as the two of you are living together, marriage wouldn't be far off." Ted said, giving Remus a knowing glance, and Remus felt himself blush. "If I know Dora, she'll wangle you into a marriage, sure enough."

Remus really didn't know what to say, so he contented himself with looking back down at his shoes.

"Well, come on, I think those two should be done with their row."

"If it's all the same, Ted, I feel I need to head back home. Nothing against you or Andromeda, it's just, I feel I've over stayed my welcome."

"Stop talking rubbish, Remus, come in and at least have another drink with me. You look like you could use it." Remus felt like he could, and so reluctantly agreed. He didn't see Nymphadora or Andromeda, nor could he hear either of them arguing, as Ted took him back to his office, pouring Remus a large glass of whiskey, and showing him the nearly five hundred channels on the television. The whiskey, while having the calming effect Remus needed, was also starting to make him feel tipsy.

"There you are!" He heard Nymphadora's voice coming from the door. "Mum, they're in dad's room, watching telly!"

"Not that idiotic box again!" He heard Andromeda's voice from the distance. "Ted! Come help me with these dishes!"

"Coming, dear," Ted said, reluctantly walking away from a particularly exciting episode of _Doctor Who_.

"You ready to leave?" Nymphadora said, helping Remus from the overly comfortable sofa. The alcohol hit Remus' brain with the sudden motion of standing, and he quickly found himself back on the couch. "Dad's been feeding you liquor, I see," she said, helping him again get to his feet.

"I'm notsobad." He slurred, and even he was taken back by how sloshed he sounded.

"C'mon, let's get you home," she said, helping him along, picking up a bag with what looked like doll house furniture and leftovers from the lunch earlier. Not wanting to embarrass himself further, Remus asked if they could leave without saying goodbye, and Tonks agreed, chuckling to herself.

Remus was quick to discover, not for the first time, that alcohol and Apparition do not mix. Vomiting brilliantly all over the dead shrubbery in the front yard, he heard Tonks sigh a small, "Oh, Remus," patted him on the back, and walked inside the house.

Knackered, and still feeling queasy, she suggested that he might want to take a nap, to which he had no hesitation in collapsing onto the bed and passing out.

Remus knew he had not slept through the night. When he awoke, the waxing moon was not high in the sky so it was probably no later than nine in the evening. His joints were stiff, his stomach still lurching, and his head still swimming in whiskey, he got up and walked down the stairs and into the living room where immediately he ran into a long table stubbing his big toe.

"Oww!" he cried out, hopping up and down in pain. Nymphadora, who had been sitting at the new dining table, looked up from her correspondence.

"Yeah, you should look out for all the new furniture. We can move it if you don't like anything."

"How long have I been asleep?" he asked, not knowing if his head or his toe hurt worse.

"About five or six hours." She said, looking up at a new clock hanging in the kitchen. Remus looked around the room. It had completely transformed. There were now designated living areas with furnishings and décor. The walls too had seen a transformation, although they were not as cohesive; large areas of the main wall were now covered in splotches of blues, grays, greens, and browns. There was even a small patch of bright orange. A fire was crackling merrily in the recently cleaned fireplace. Pictures and paintings were set against walls in corresponding spots where she thought they should be hung. Remus saw the photograph of himself and Dora sitting in a frame on the end table nearest to him.

"Wow," he said, walking around each of the new areas. "Nymphadora, this is... incredible. I can't believe this is the same house. You did this all on your own?"

"Well, it didn't take a whole lot to make such a drastic change. Here," she said coming toward him, handing him a cup of coffee. "Dad can be a little heavy handed in his pouring."

"Thanks," he said, grateful for the rich dark liquid.

Remus noticed her hesitate before saying, "I know dad said he apologized to you, Remus, but I just wanted to repeat how sorry I am for putting you in the middle of that today."

"It's understandable, and believe me, I've had people say _much_ worse."

"But still, they know how important you are to me, and my mother..." she said sadly shaking her head, and Remus noticed she was crying.

"Hey," he said. "There's no need for tears. I mean, Dora, they're parents, they're suppose to be overbearing and protective. It's their job."

"I know, but I thought _she_ would be more supportive."

"You brought a werewolf to lunch, not many parents would even let me through the front door, let alone get me hammered." She laughed a little through her tears. "Your dad certainly is a character."

"He has a lot of heart. At least he liked you, which was more than I could say about Charlie."

"Your father told me that we just need to let your mum come around, that she'll accept it eventually."

"When? In ten years?" She said bitterly.

"I don't know, but hopefully in plenty of time for this wedding you were so quick to announce."

Tonks' face burned red. "I don't know what made me say it. The words just came flying out of my mouth before I could stop them."

"I have to say, it certainly took me by surprise, and I wasn't sure if I should play along or not."

"I thought if my mum heard the finality in our relationship she would have been more keen about it."

"I don't see how one's only daughter marrying an unemployed werewolf would make any mother keen."

"Well, she'll just have to come around. She begrudgingly gave us the furniture, at any rate."

"To which I am extremely grateful. I finally have a decent place to sit." And he flopped down onto the couch, though not nearly as comfortable as the leather sofas in Ted Tonks' office, were still much more comfortable than sitting on bare wooden floors. "This is all too much, Dora," Remus said, looking around at everything, "I have reservations in accepting all of this."

Hopping next to Remus on the couch, she snuggled closer to him. "You provided the house, I'm just providing some much needed seating."

"But still," Remus said, the feelings of being inadequate creeping once again into his mind.

"Look, I didn't go out and buy anything. This was all just laying about the attic. So don't worry about it." They were quite for a moment. "And you're all right with the arrangement? I didn't know about colors or anything, so I threw up a bunch. I figure you should decide on something. But, I was a bit messy," she said, indicating spots on the floor where wet paint had dripped.

"And a few of the paintings are crooked." He said, pointing out a rather lopsided piece above the fireplace.

She poked him in the ribs. "I didn't see you helping." She said.

"Because I was basically drugged by your father." Remus said smiling.

She laughed. "I'm surprised you weren't more shitfaced. You must have a really high tolerance."

"Week before the moon, everything becomes heightened." He said with a shrug.

"So if we were to christen this new furniture, _everything_ would be heightened?" she said with a seductive smile playing on her lips.

"Why, Nymphadora Tonks, you are a wicked creature." Remus said, feeling himself becoming aroused.

"I learn from the best love," she said, pulling him close into a kiss.

* * *

><p>an: The parents aren't quite so understanding so thoughts of marriage might not happen quite so soon. But that's not going to stop Tonks and Lupin from falling even more in love with one another nor stop them from enjoying their new furniture ;) But there is a new threat looming that may bring matrimony sooner than Andromeda may want... Stick around to find out!

Thank you so much to everyone who has added this story as a favorite and a **BIG** thank you to those who have been writing responses! Getting replies for my work really gives me encouragement to continue and to get chapters out faster!


	6. A Foe and a Friend

a/n: As much as I try to keep everything within canon, the Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling. I merely live vicariously through the wacky shenanigans I invent for them. No copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence.

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: A Dormant Foe and An Unlikely Friend<strong>

The next day, waking up late to unfamiliar surroundings and no Tonks, Remus pulled his sore body from the living room floor confused. Last night's foray of uncomfortable positions on the couch that quickly were resolved in their ending up on the floor in front of the dying fire, made Remus grin. Nymphadora had been right: he certainly didn't act like he was eighty when they were together, but now, as very muscle protested from having slept on the hard wooden floor, Remus was starting to wonder if she was going to lead him to an early grave, before he would ever have the chance at turning eighty. He vaguely recalled her waking him earlier that morning to let him know she was leaving for work, so he didn't worry too much over her absence but was nonetheless disappointed not finding her sleeping next to him. Pulling his pants and shirt back on, he walked around the new sitting room and examined the rest of Tonks' handiwork. He found his wand and started cleaning up the paint drips and spills and straightening the picture frames.

It wasn't until his stomach started growling and his thought turned to breakfast was he startled by a noise behind him. Turning around quickly, wand at the ready, he noticed Tonks' pet spectacled owl, Wagtail, looking expectantly at him from the windowsill in the kitchen. Named for the lead singer of the Weird Sisters, Tonks' owl was not the greatest fan of Remus, and he had the bite marks to prove it.

"Hello, Wagtail." Remus said cautiously. The owl turned his round head sideways to look at Remus. "Ah, you're probably hungry, aren't you?" The owl merely turned his head the other direction. "Right," said Remus, searching through the kitchen to see where Tonks had left any owl treats or food. Not finding any, he looked back to the owl, saying, "Look, I don't know where she keeps your food, why don't you go hunting in the woods? There have to be plenty of mice or something you could eat."

Giving Remus a look of indignation previously unknown to avian kind, Wagtail hooted before leaving out of the open window. Sighing, Remus was suddenly struck by how much of Tonks' life was now apart of his house. The furniture he could handle, some of it needed rearranging and weren't to his taste, but over all he liked it. And he certainly had needed it. But when searching through cabinets he noticed new pots and pans, potion ingredients, and dry supplies. The icebox was full not only of leftovers, but of fresh ingredients, something Remus had not seen in there in ages. His mind was spinning over just how much she had to have spent.

Thinking a shower would clear his head, he wandered up the stairs and into their bedroom, where again he found traces of her everywhere. Her clothes were littered all over the floor, as though she could not decide what to wear this morning. There were new sheets and a duvet on the bed, fluffier pillows, and pictures in proper frames-

It was then he saw a picture of himself as a little boy with his parents. The picture was taken at Christmas time, just a few months before he would be bitten. His father looked happier than Remus could ever remember him, his smile reaching the corners of his eyes, an arm wrapped lovingly around his wife. His mother looked more beautiful than ever, her own smile mirroring that of her husband's, her hand placed lovingly on Remus' shoulder. Remus, too, looked overjoyed, in a new suit bought for the Christmas season. Overall, it was a photograph of an ideal family. Remus felt sick by how this smiling family in front of him would become damaged goods all too soon.

He knew where the photo had come from: the boxes in his old bedroom. Thoughts of a shower forgotten, he walked with purpose down the hall where the bedroom door was ajar. It was the only room in the house that remained somewhat unchanged from Nymphadora's involvement. Packing boxes were removed out of the closet; some of them were opened, while others were still taped shut. Books looked like they had been searched through, spread out in piles on the floor. He then saw many of Tonks' own things pushed into corners, like her broom, Wagtail's cage and a dark cherry wood desk he did not recognize. Angry and perturbed, he knew she meant well, but he felt violated. These were his personal belongings, things meant to stay in closets in a locked room. Surely, he had mentioned this to her on her initial inspection of the house. Magically, he started putting things back into the boxes, not even looking to see what she had taken out. Whatever he had saved from his childhood, whatever had been saved when desperation set in and he began selling anything he could from the home, those were sacred, never to see the light of day. Yet, here they were all laid out in front of him, magically zooming past and back into the boxes where they belonged. He let the spell continue as he walked from the room.

The shower did not have the calming effect he so desperately needed, and his late breakfast did not help the unsettling feeling in his stomach. With a transformation in just a few days time, Remus was starting to feel the restless pull of the moon. Thinking a walk might release some pent up energy, the only effect it had was to make Remus realize how much he needed an occupation or hobby. It was maddening not having something other than relying on missions from the Order. He started his walk back up to the house, thinking about contacting Kingsley or Mad-Eye for something to do. He then thought about what McGonagall had asked of him, and his thoughts returned to finding Lavinia.

Tracking was not Remus' strongest suit; his time with the pack had shown him that. According to Kingsley's letter, the last time someone had seen her was when she was in custody of the Ministry. She wouldn't hang around London with the Ministry after her, and Remus felt certain she would not return to Greyback. But in the off chance she had gone back to the caves, Remus made up his mind to look around the woods where the pack resided. Leaving a quick note for Tonks in case she came home looking for him, he Apparated a few yards away from the edge of the Dartmoor woods.

Cautiously, he made his way into the heavily wooded area, adrenaline coursing through his veins as all anger and frustration were forgotten. There was a rush to the uncertainty of it all, and Remus couldn't help feeling excited, if not apprehensive, about returning to the pack after the attack on Hogwarts. It had been some time since he had been back to the caves, at least a few weeks, and with no means of communication between himself and those he had befriended, he wasn't entirely sure if the pack would still be welcoming. The forest was eerily silent and empty, not even the birds seemed to be chirping. A prickling feeling on the back of his neck gave Remus the impression he had made a mistake in coming here. Putting protective spells around his person, he made his way further into the woods. Somewhere behind him, a twig _cracked_. Turning around, his wand in the air, he saw something dark, like a shadow, dart between the trees. Thinking it to be a deer or another creature local to the area, he ignored it and continued forward.

He had barely gone a meter before he was tackled and fell face first onto the ground, his wand knocked out of his hand. The spells he had placed around him would protect him from spells and curses, not from physical attack. Wilding waving his arms to try and hit whatever it was on his back pinning him to the ground, he tried hard to focus his attention on finding his wand. Feeling it in the dirt, he quickly held onto it before he heard a deep familiar voice say, "You never were any good at hand to hand combat, you always relied too heavily on magic."

"_Get up." Greyback barked. The crowd around the ring were cheering or hissing their dissent that the weaker man went down so quickly._

_Remus pushed himself off the ground, wiping the blood and sweat away from his mouth, he tried to psych himself into another round with the other man. He could feel his jaw pulsating with the force of the recent blow, but knew it wasn't broken. The man in front of Remus had barely broken a sweat, bouncing in place to keep his heart rate up, ready for the next round. Despite the man's considerable size, and even with the scars that disfigured the right side of his face including his eye, the man was agile and could almost predict Remus' next move. He clearly had had more training and experience in the ring._

"_Go again." Greyback commanded. Remus held his hands in fists up to protect his face, waiting for the giant to land his next blow. Diving from the man's punches and jabs, Remus tried to land a right hook, but only met with the man's large hand, which caught Remus' fist easily. Twisting Remus' arm, he could feel his right shoulder move out of place as the force was driving it out of its socket. The impulse to cry out in pain was strong, but the desire not to show weakness in front of the pack was stronger. Remus bit his lip, trying to keep his mouth close so his pain would not betray him. Trying to free himself from the man's grip, he twisted and squirmed; Remus' teeth clamping down so hard on his low lip it drew blood. Anger, frustration, and humiliation were all building inside of him until-_

_The man was thrown backwards as though Remus had sent a strong electrical current into the other man's body. The crowd grew silent. The only noise that could be heard was Remus' heavy breathing. He knew he was not allowed to use magic, but the impulse could not have been stopped. He knew too that he would be in trouble._

_The man got up, shaking his head as though to clear his mind from such a shock. He then started coming back at Remus, anger disfiguring the man's face further._

"_Stop." Greyback said, and the man stopped his prowl toward Remus. The smile on Greyback's face was not one of amusement. It was of glee; a look given to those who were about to receive punishment. Remus no longer felt the surge of adrenaline from earlier; all he could feel was fear. "The pit, I think, for you, Lupin, a week will suffice. You know we cannot have any magic. Caliban, you'll go again with Thaliard this time."_

"Caliban?" Remus sputtered, spitting dirt and grass from his mouth.

The man on his back stood up and offered a hand to help Remus from the ground. Wiping the dirt from his front, Remus saw the tall figure of Stephan Caliban looking at him with anger and mistrust, his wand raised in front of Remus.

"What are you doing back here, Lupin?" Caliban asked.

"I was looking for someone," Remus said, the grip on his wand tightening.

"Cormier?" Caliban said.

"Perhaps," Remus said. He didn't know if he could trust Caliban any longer, but the fact he was still alive did say something.

"You were foolish to come back." Caliban said, and Remus saw him lower his wand slightly.

"Is the pack still here?" Remus asked, looking around for the first time to see if Caliban was alone.

"Some," he said, "mostly those who did not want, or could not, follow Greyback and the Dark Lord into Greater London."

"What is Greyback doing with the Dark Lord?" Remus asked.

"We should leave," Caliban said, looking at something Remus could not see.

"To the caves?"

"No, we'll go to the Muggle campgrounds, we'll be safer there." He said, leading Remus away.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Remus said, trying to keep Caliban's fast pace.

"Depends," Caliban said, not looking at Remus, merely looking ahead at the path in front of him.

"Depends on what?" Remus said.

"What do you want with Cormier?"

"I was worried about her."

Caliban gave a grunt of laughter. "Worried about Lavinia?"

"I heard she was captured by the Ministry."

"Here to turn her in, are you? A thousand galleon reward is very tempting to those who have nothing."

"Of course not," Remus said, his brow furrowed in concern. "She's my friend."

"Well, if you knew her at all, you'd know she'd not come back here." Caliban said.

"I figured as much," Remus said, thinking that this entire endeavor was worthless. "But it was worth a shot."

"You never were one for tracking," Caliban said.

"I was never one for this entire existence." Remus said bitterly.

"I can agree with you on that account."

They were silent as they continued through the woods before reaching the campgrounds. There were a few Muggle families there, picnic baskets and blankets laid out with their lunches, enjoying a beautiful day in the countryside. Sitting down at a picnic table away from the tourists, Caliban looked Remus over.

"You look better," Caliban said.

"I'm feeling better," Remus said. "It's amazing what sleeping in a real bed will do to one's constitution."

"You were foolish to come back here," Caliban repeated. "If Greyback was around, you'd be dead by now."

"So he's in London?" Remus asked, pressing Caliban for more details.

"He took everyone he could from the pack to hunt down families for the Dark Lord."

"You didn't join in?"

"I was told to stay here and protect our hiding place, and the younger members." Remus knew he was speaking of the babies born into the pack, as well as the young children Greyback had bitten, abandoned by their parents.

"So, Greyback wants me dead?"

"He does, and there aren't many in the pack who would keep you alive."

"To that, I'm grateful you haven't killed me," he said to Caliban, who held up his hand.

"Don't thank me just yet," Caliban said. "I have half a mind to report you and let the pack deal with you. You can't expect us to invite you in as a member, despite the protests against you, only to have you turn on us."

"That was never my intention-" Remus began.

"We know what you were doing." Caliban said. Remus gave him a look of confusion. The only person he had ever told his true intensions to was Lavinia, who had sworn herself to secrecy. Caliban, seeing the confused look at his face said, "Don't look so gobsmacked, you are a very transparent spy, Lupin." There was a shadow of a grin on his lips. "We know that you have been gathering intelligence for the Ministry."

"It's not for the Ministry, believe me." Remus said. "They'd never trust any intel I'd bring them. I'm registered."

"No matter," Caliban said. "It doesn't diminish the fact you've been a spy and there are some in the pack who don't take kindly to such a violation of trust."

"So is that why Greyback wants me dead?"

"That, plus he wishes to make a show of what happens to those who desert him."

"Is he actively looking for me?" Remus asked, not worried for his own safety but that of Nymphadora. He knew their living together would be a bad idea.

"Not at the moment, he has been given too many assignments from the Dark Lord to be bothered with the matter. But he's asked those who have stayed behind to report back to him, should you come wandering back here."

"But you won't turn me in-"

"I won't because I believe in your cause. Well, and the fact those who are left in the caves are children and infants and I have no means of telling Greyback you're here." Caliban said. "Last full moon the children went completely feral. No animals, especially owls, will dare come near our locations, which has made means of communication scarce." Caliban sighed, looking at Remus sternly. "It also doesn't mean I'm not going to protect my own hide, Lupin. Should any of the senior members see me talking with you, we'd both be dead by now."

"Understood." Remus said, grateful he could trust Caliban.

"So, I'll tell you what I can, but the longer I am here with you, the more danger I'm putting myself in."

"Then I'll get straight to it. Do you know where Lavinia might be?"

"She came back briefly to talk to me and Thaliard after her escape. Said she was headed for France."

"Do you think she's there now?"

"Doubtful, the Ministry is keeping stricter control over the borders in an attempt to keep out Death Eaters who had escaped to the Continent from the last war. They're also closing in our ranks with more anti-werewolf registration. More wizards from the Werewolf Capture Unit are tracking us down and rounding us up before we can join the Dark Lord. They've added the extra incentive of thousand galleon rewards for all the werewolves they can bring in. That's why Greyback took almost everyone out, spreading us throughout the countryside when we're not doing his bidding. Thaliard is out in Kent. That's why there is such a high price on your head in the pack. Many think your selling them out, telling the Ministry names of the unregistered in exchange for the galleons."

"I'd never do that." Remus protested, but Caliban held up a hand to silence him.

"I would certainly hope not, I'm simply telling you what the word is around the caves."

Remus sighed before returning to his original point. "Where do you think she might be?"

"What is your concern with Lavinia?" Caliban asked sternly.

"I'm not in it for the reward money, if that's what you're implying. I would hope you'd know me better-"

"Then why?" Caliban said cutting him off.

"Because I'm genuinely concerned about her. She's slipping up. She is the last person I would have thought to be caught by the Ministry. She's too clever."

"She's not herself," Caliban admitted. "I don't know what has her so rattled, but she's not the same woman."

"I also think she would also be an important ally in the War." Remus continued. "With her abilities in tracking and how gifted she is magically, she could be a great asset for the fight against the Dark Lord."

"Don't expect her to be very willing to help after what the Ministry put her through." Caliban said darkly. "Registration has taken on a new form of humiliation and cruelty. They're _branding_ werewolves now."

"_What_?" Remus was appalled. He could not believe that the Ministry would allow such cruelty, even to those they have classified as dangerous creatures.

"At least that's what they did to Lavinia, she showed me the marks and everything." Caliban said, shaking his head sadly. "You might want to keep an eye out for yourself. There is talk of branding the registered."

"That has to violate so many different wizarding laws!" Remus said outraged.

"Ah, but as you know, Lupin, we are not considered human. We are dark and dangerous _creatures_."

"So, what about you? Surely now with everything going on, you and Thaliard must have thought about what I asked of you earlier."

"Like I said, I'm watching out for my own skin," Caliban said. "I can't speak for Thaliard, but he was one of those who left with Greyback, so I'm sure his cooperation in these matters will be nonexistent. He went a little crazy after what he saw the Ministry did to Lavinia. You know how protective he is over her."

Remus sighed, running a hand through his greying hair, frustrated at the lack of cooperation with those he had counted on to help in the Order's efforts. Surely his time with the pack had yielded someone willing to help in the fight against Voldemort. But he supposed it was really only Lavinia who had shown the most willingness to help. Remus thought he might have persuaded Thaliard, but Caliban had adamantly refused his involvement the last time Remus had asked all three of them for their help.

Caliban, seeing Remus' frustration continued, "Look, I certainly don't support the Dark Lord and all the pure blood nonsense, but I don't entirely disagree with Greyback. I don't agree with his methods for equality, but we don't have much of a choice, do we? We can't work, we can't live in wizarding communities, and we can't have families. We don't have much of a life, and no one takes us seriously. Violence, as you know, can be very persuasive."

"But things will change, after the War, there will be a chance to change the laws and to further research into cures and preventions. The last time the Dark Lord was in power it made everyone scared and suspicious of those they did not understand, and things have not changed since that time."

"No, they've gotten worse," said Caliban.

"I can't argue with that. But I just have this feeling that this time everything will be different."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Caliban muttered. "And I'm certainly not going to stick my neck out for a _feeling_ you have." Caliban sighed, rubbing absentmindedly the disfiguring scars by his right eye. "Is there anything else you want to ask me? I really should be heading back."

"Do you think we could meet again? It would be helpful to have any information about Greyback as things begin to progress further."

"I'm sure I've said too much already," Caliban said, getting up from his side of the table.

"Come on, Caliban," Remus said frantically. "I'm not working for the Ministry, I'm not turning in people for gold. But I will admit that I have been gathering information to help bring down the Dark Lord. You just said yourself that you didn't agree with his notions for a pure blood race."

"And I also said I'm not going to put myself at risk," Caliban said. He looked out beyond the trees his good eye squinted looking at something in the distance. Remus turned around to see what he was looking at, but couldn't find anything. Caliban sighed which made Remus turn back around to look at him. "I'll meet you at Royal Oak Inn, three weeks from Saturday, say eight o'clock. Just for a drink mind you."

"I'd appreciate that." Remus said, getting up.

"You're buying," Caliban said, holding out his hand.

"Cheers," Remus said, shaking the outstretched hand. Remus began to leave the area but was stopped by Caliban who added, "Oh, and Lupin, you might want to take a holiday to Brighton sometime. I'm sure you might find what you're looking for."

"But wasn't Brighton where she-"

"Exactly." Caliban said, giving Remus a knowing glance. Since Brighton was the place she was arrested, it would be the last place the Ministry would look for her.

"Thanks, Stephan," Remus said, shaking his head for not thinking of that sooner.

"You're welcome, RJ," Caliban said before turning around and walking with his unnatural speed.

Not wanting to leave the park on such a beautiful day, Remus wandered aimlessly for a while, making sure to stay clear from areas he knew to contain werewolves. The trip had not been entirely worthless. Lavinia would no longer be the resource he needed within the pack, as he would have hoped, but Caliban had proven himself a better man. It was a shame Thaliard had continued to follow Greyback. He felt certain Thaliard would have come to help the Order.

His stomach growling, and thinking of the leftovers in the icebox, he left the tranquility of the wood and Apparated back home. It took Remus a few moments to realize that this was his house. The interior was like nothing he had seen in at least twenty years. Tonks, he noticed, had not returned from work yet, but he knew not to expect her until late, as Auror hours were less predictable than others. As he sat at the dining table, eating the reheated food from dinner with the Weasley's two nights ago, Remus started thinking about everything Caliban had told him. Greyback was after him. He knew Greyback might try to retaliate, especially after seeing Remus defending Hogwarts, but if Greyback was to find out where he lived… the possibilities were too unimaginable.

He tried not to dwell on the matter as he spent the rest of his time rearranging the furniture and deciding on paint colors. Oddly, Remus felt content. He had a nice home and someone who loved him. Yet, the nagging feeling of imminent danger kept him from feeling completely at peace. Pushing these feelings aside, trying to keep with a more positive attitude, he contented himself at the dining table to begin a plan to find Lavinia.

He knew she had family in Sussex, but for all the galleons in Gringotts he could not remember where. He remembered her talking about Brighton as a favorite spot her family would travel to during summer holidays, but he did not think they lived there. Having never been to Brighton, Remus was at a loss about areas he might look for her. Magically bringing out a map of South East England, he searched the names of counties and boroughs seeing if any rang a bell; none did. He thought he might wait until he had a drink with Caliban in three weeks time, but she might have moved on, or the Ministry could catch up with her, or-

"Wotcher, planning a holiday?" Said a voice breaking his reverie. Waving away the map with his wand, he saw Tonks looking exhausted and annoyed.

"No, just doing some research for the Order," he said getting up from his chair, walking over to give her a kiss. "How was your day?"

"Bloody miserable," she said. "You might want to pull that map back out because we may need a holiday. The Ministry is going to hell in a hand basket."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, Scrimgeour is doing absolutely nothing to help quell rumors of infiltration, deciding instead to hole himself up in his office. No one has seen him in days," she said. "Some even say he might have kicked the bucket."

"I think we'd know if he had died," Remus said gently.

"Well, and now that Dumbledore's gone, there have been a flood of new regulations to be placed on Hogwarts and loads of candidates vying for the post of Headmaster."

"I thought Minerva would take over as Headmistress?"

"Some people feel she's not up for the task, and besides, people are greedy. They see an opportunity and want to take advantage. It makes me sick. The poor man hasn't been in the ground for two days and there are wizards racing to be first in line for consideration. Plus, on top of all that, Dolores fucking Umbridge-"

"What has she done now?" Remus said, thinking about what Caliban had told him earlier.

"I mean, it's just too cruel." She said shaking her head, pacing and biting her lip. "She's planning even more restrictive control measures over those she has deemed half breeds and dangerous creatures." She looked sadly at Remus. "You're registered aren't you?"

"Why?"

"The first priority, should this new law pass, is the incarceration of all known dangerous creatures. 'For the safety and peace of mind for all', I think is the reasoning, which is utter and complete bollocks. If there isn't compliance, those who are unwilling will be hunted down on a kill-on-sight policy. The blighters from the Werewolf Capture Unit were strutting around the Auror offices all day, excited and bragging about their chance to kill people. I got so fed up I punched Thomas Maynard, the smug bastard, which just landed me more paperwork from Mad-Eye."

"Dora!" Remus said startled, but she ignored him.

"Mad-Eye thinks sticking me behind the desk will teach me some half brained lesson of his, but all it does is make me write spiteful anonymous letters to Umbridge!" She said throwing her arms into the air. "It won't pass, it _can't_ pass. No way the council would vote something so horribly biased into law."

Remus sighed; she had so much to learn when it came to werewolf matters. "I found out a few things today as well."

"Oh really, what?" Tonks said.

"They've started branding werewolves." He said sadly.

"WHAT?" Her voice reached a deafening pitch. "Who did you hear that from?"

"I made contact today with someone in the pack. One of the friends I made was captured recently by the Ministry, but escaped. She came back to show two of the others what the Ministry had done to her. They branded her registration number into her flesh."

"This is absurd!" She said, her hair rapidly changing colors, her eyes dark and dangerous. He had never before seen her so angry. "I have half a mind to go back to the Ministry, drag Scrimgeour from his bleeding office and force him to do something! Remus, what the hell are we going to do?"

"There's not much we can do. If those within the Ministry feel it's fair, the law will pass. And there is nothing I can do to change my registration status."

"We could stage a protest!" she said excitedly. "That's exactly what we'll do. We'll gather the lycanthropes, and the family and friends of lycanthropes and-"

"Dora, that's a lovely idea, but there aren't many of us who would be so public about what we are, and there are too many who side with Greyback and Voldemort. I think they'd sooner set the Ministry ablaze than stage protests against one more unjust law, which none of them would ever comply with. Besides, there is enough unrest at the Ministry that as soon as they got wind of what we were up to, they'd shut us down or, more likely, arrest us."

"So that's it? You've just resigned yourself to being tortured? To being branded like cattle set for slaughter?" She said looking at him with such anger and disappointment Remus was taken aback.

"No, of course not. But I'm sure it won't get as bad as all that."

"How do you know?" she said, sounding desperate. "Remus, I cannot work for an organization that would do such cruel and inhumane things to its members."

"Dora, you have to remember, the Ministry of Magic does not consider those afflicted with lycanthropy as human. I had to be reminded of it myself today… We have been classified, if you remember from your Scamanders, being just as dangerous as some dragons! Therefore, by that standard, we are not entitled to the same treatment or human decency as other witches and wizards."

"Bollocks!" she said, but she didn't look quite as confident.

"It wasn't always that way, there were support groups and real efforts at research and finding a cure. But fear makes people suspect the worst in those they don't understand. Greyback, under Voldemort's influence during the last war, made it impossible for the Ministry to ever think of us as anything but monsters."

"This is why we need to protest!" She said, her hair a violent shade of red. "Remus, this is fucking nonsense!"

"I know," he said calmly.

"No, I don't see how you know when you're just sitting there being so bloody calm!"

"Dora, this is something I have been dealing with since I was boy. I have had to report to a hearing every year to make sure that I am being properly contained. My parents underwent scrutiny making sure there were proper enchanted chains to contain me. There were some who have threatened my life on the pretense of what I am, saying I need to be put down like a dog. So believe me when I say, I know this is fucking nonsense."

He noticed there were tears in her eyes, and he didn't know if they were from anger or sorrow. "Remus, you are the bravest, most caring man I have ever met and you deserve to be treated as such. If the Ministry cannot grant you the smallest shred of human kindness, then I honestly will have no choice but to quit."

"Nymphadora, I appreciate the sentiment, but I would never ask you-"

"You didn't have to, Remus, this is a matter of principle for me. I cannot support the Ministry when it allows people like Dolores Umbridge to make judgments and laws based on her own biased slander."

"But you have to understand, Dora, that most of it is not biased slander." She started to protest again but Remus stopped her. "Think of Greyback. Think of the horrendous things that he has done."

"But he's just _one_ man. One man cannot define an entire… race." She said hesitantly, trying to kindly categorize the werewolf population. "It's like defining all wizards by the deeds of You-Know-Who."

"It's not though, because the majority of werewolves are cruel."

"Remus, living with all those underground this past year might have made you think that, but what about all of those who are like you? Who are sensible and good?"

Remus wanted to laugh. "Dora, there are children right now, children even younger than I was when I was bitten, who have been abandoned by their parents because of what they have become. They are living in a dark cave, being fed the belief that all witches and wizards want nothing to do with them, that they are incapable of being loved or showing compassion. I had the benefit of parents who cared about me enough to put themselves in danger and to love me unconditionally. But if I hadn't, I would be just as angry and defiant and cruel as Greyback."

"You can't be serious," she said.

"I am absolutely serious. There was a time when I felt much as you do right now. I was so angry with the Ministry, so spiteful of the humiliation of being legally known as a randomly assigned number that I wanted to lash out. If it hadn't been for my friends, for my mother, for Dumbledore, I would living with pack on my own free will."

"It's just one night, one night out of every month that you turn into something deadly. For the rest of the 350 something days of the year, you are a normal man, the same as any wizard."

"But it's the twelve days in the year I'm not that define me." He said. "I am here, talking with you, rational in my thought, but come Friday, I will be just as cruel and unforgiving as Voldemort."

"But the Wolfsbane Potion-"

"Is expensive and devilishly tricky to make. And for those who have no means of income or savings, or who are too incompetent at potions, it's a luxury at best."

"Speaking of which," she said, walking over to her bag on the floor, rummaging through it until she found a flask. "Catch." She said throwing the flask over to Remus who caught it. Opening it, Remus could smell the distinct noxious odor of Wolfsbane Potion.

"Nymphadora, where-"

"Moody gave it to me. Said you should have started taking it three or four days ago."

"Moody knows better than to give me potions I don't need."

"He said you might say something like that and told me to tell you it's for my protection because he's not losing his most brilliant student, and that more will follow, and to piss off." Remus smiled, making Tonks smile as well. "Okay, he didn't tell you to piss off, I added that bit, but really, Remus. Just take the damn potion. If it helps you, take it."

"I know how much this costs, Nymphadora, and I don't need Moody's charity."

"He also said you'd say that and told me to say, courtesy of the Ministry. Then he told me to bugger off and finish my paperwork."

"What?"

"He took the ingredients from the Ministry, and has been brewing it in his office." She said pointedly. "He's been trying to teach me how to brew it, and I will admit all of my previous attempts had gone pear shaped, but I'm getting loads better."

"I told you, it's a brilliant invention, but terribly tricky to get right and there aren't many who can do it properly. I tried once, but was thwarted by incompetence."

"Potions I can safely say, has never been anyone's cup of tea, so I would never call you incompetent."

"Cheers, love," he said, downing the potion. It was just as he remembered it; thick, oddly textured and burned horribly in the back of his throat, but he kept drinking until it was all gone. Coughing, he was handed a glass of water by Tonks.

"Thanks," he said, gratefully drinking the cool liquid.

"So, what are we going to do about this law, should it pass?" she said, although her anger was no longer as vocal, it was still present, her hair still stubbornly red.

"We'll do what we must," he said. "But with the moon Friday, the protest I'm afraid will have to wait until next week."

"So you agree we should protest?"

"I think we should run it by the Order." He said. "But, Dora, there won't be any lycanthropes besides me there, I can guarantee you that."

"Can't you ask your friends from the pack? The ones who told you about the woman who was branded?"

"Caliban? No, I don't think he would. He would _protest_ the protest because of what they did to Lavinia. And Thaliard is with other members in Kent, at the moment, and Lavinia is on the run."

"I still don't see why others wouldn't come," she said. "The pack hates the laws just as much as we do, yet they wouldn't support a protest against them?"

"They don't keep much store by them, that's why most of them are unregistered. Being in the vicinity of the Ministry would threaten their anonymity. Second, it hopefully will be a peaceful gathering. Most members of the pack want lawmakers to suffer the way they have been made to suffer. Greyback would also think it the height of dishonor to stoop so low as to take offense from the bureaucratic inventions that further weaken our power. He believes werewolves should create their own laws, as we are in some ways, a race onto ourselves." Remembering Caliban's warnings earlier of Greyback he added, "Speaking of Greyback, Caliban told me that the pack know me to be a spy. They think I'm spying for the Ministry, giving them the names of the unregistered in exchange for gold. Caliban also told me Greyback wants me dead."

"Well, we sort of figured that," she said nonchalantly, but did not look any less concerned.

"So that means, we _need_ to be careful. I've told no one in the pack about you, well, except Lavinia, but she's no longer with the pack. But our relationship is not really a secret, so I want you to be extra cautious. I don't know what he might do to me, or to you."

"I can handle myself, Remus, I've told you."

"I know, but I can be allowed to worry about you." Remus said. "It's bad enough Moody has to go around stealing potion ingredients from the Ministry for your added protection, let alone having a deranged werewolf after you."

"We don't know if Greyback is targeting me, or if he even knows about me," she said. "So let's not get all work up over something we know nothing about."

"We might ask the Order for Secret Keeper protection, or at least some enhanced protective enchantments around the house," he said.

"It's not as bad as to warrant a Secret Keeper," she said sighing, clearly thinking he was overreacting. "I'll ask Moody to come around tomorrow to put some spells up, but honestly Remus, this is silly."

"I want to make sure you're safe," he said. "I'm not losing you."

"And I've told you, I'm not going anywhere." She said, taking his hand into hers and kissing him. "C'mon, why don't you make me dinner while I vent some more about how horrid the paperwork Mad-Eye gave me today was?"

They continued the evening with excellent food and conversation and laughter. Later that night, they made love with a slow burning intensity, something neither of them had felt before. It was passionate and intense, and the love between them mounted in great waves of ecstasy. Lying in each other's arms, breathing slowly, contentedly, Remus felt so at ease with the world, a peace he had never quite felt before in the face of mounting concerns and danger. Drifting off into the gentle arms of restful sleep, he wondered how on earth he could have been truly alive before this moment.

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><p>an: So the threat of retaliation is there, ever present and looming, but in the face of everything, Remus is happy. Can love really conquer all? Can Caliban really be trusted? Will the Ministry really start branding werewolves? Stick around to find out more!

A **MASSIVE** thank you to everyone who has sent in replies and adding this story to their favorites! I am loving and appreciating every single one of them and I am so grateful you are enjoying it thus far! Please keep the responses coming! They really are the fire that gets me to post chapters sooner!


	7. Moonglow and Monsters

a/n: I am not J.K. Rowling, because if I was, Lupin and Tonks would have lived a long, long happy life together having many many babies and dying peacefully in their sleep. And because I am not she, the Harry Potter characters are hers by law and no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Moonglow and Monsters<strong>

The week leading up to the full moon passed by with a great hurried intensity. Remus, far from sitting idly by while Tonks was at work, began his plan to track down Lavinia. He also started to continue his research from the notes his father left behind on his theories and proposals for a cure. It was his father's avid pursuit of finding a cure that sparked Remus' initial research. But his efforts fell by the wayside when finding employment and a means to keep the roof over his head took precedence.

Now that Wagtail was finally coming to terms with the new house, and with Remus, he finally had a more traditional means of communication, and began reconnecting contacts made with Potion Masters who had once expressed interest in furthering a cure for lycanthropy. The responses were slow in coming, which discouraged Remus slightly. Most of the replies spoke of a time gone by when they would have jumped at the chance to help, but now with everyone's future so uncertain, they couldn't risk it. Remus thought with bitter resentment and a little sadness, that Snape might have provided some help in his quest, being such an accomplished Potions Master. But, of course, Snape would never have helped him, even if he hadn't betrayed the Order. There was still too much bad blood between them.

Mad-Eye came over on Wednesday, at Remus' request because he knew Tonks had not asked, and placed many protective spells and enchantments around the cottage. He stayed for dinner that night, bringing with him the last of the Wolfsbane Potion for the next two days.

"Nymphadora should be quite the expert on the stuff, soon enough," Mad-Eye said, rather proudly. "She brewed the last of this batch on her own."

Remus looked skeptically at the glass of faintly smoking liquid, sniffing it as though he would find some flaw.

"Sod off, Remus, it's fine," she said playfully. "Mad-Eye would never give you anything unless it was up to his standards."

Drinking it in one swift motion, he made a face saying, "Well, it tastes like the real thing."

Mad-Eye's company at dinner, far from being unpleasant, as Remus might have thought, was light-hearted and fun. Such a fierce Auror, with his mismatched eyes and low gruff voice, had a rather crude sense of humor- _"So a witch, a vampire and a house elf walk into a pub"_- and together, the three of them went through a bottle of Ted Tonks' excellent Scotch (which had mysteriously found its way to their house) talking and laughing long into the night. Mad-Eye even regaled the group with tales of Dumbledore during the last war, stories Remus had never heard before, and brought to light the fact he knew so little about the man. He regretted not knowing more about Dumbledore's past, but knew it had been marred with tragedy, and so the subject was never brought up between them.

Remus was nearly asleep in his chair before Mad-Eye finally agreed to go home.

"See you bright and early," he said to Tonks, who had walked with him to the front door and watched him Disapparate.

"Bright and early my arse," she said, slamming the door shut before sleepily shuffling her way back into the dining area to poke Remus awake. "C'mon, love, let's get to bed." Helping from his chair, they made their way back upstairs where they both collapsed, it being past two in the morning. Falling asleep almost instantaneously, Remus' dreams were far from pleasant, and more than once found himself waking and panting at the sight of Greyback's evil yellowed eyes.

In the morning, Tonks got a late start, flatly refusing to wake up any earlier than ten. "It's his own damn fault for staying so late." She said, when she finally got up, putting on her departmental robes and straightening her appearance. "Mad-Eye probably won't even be in by noon, that wanker, but I'll be the one disciplined for it…" she said, kissing Remus goodbye and leaving for work.

Remus found he missed her when she was gone, and was always anxious for her to return. But with his renewed interest in his research of lycanthropy, and a thought of perhaps publishing his findings, he was constantly busy reading, and had gone to visit the main wizarding library in London. His life had taken on a new purpose; his mind clearer than it had been in years. He was even feeling happy, no longer quite as worried over threats of eminent danger. Of course he had concerns, there was an anxiety that had been sneaking its way into his subconscious mind for a while now. He found himself not only worried for Nymphadora, but for Harry as well. The Order had no news of any more members' deaths, but there was a fear that something catastrophic was brewing, no doubt surrounding Harry and moving him from the protection of his house on Privet Drive.

"Scrimgeour is still nowhere to be found," Tonks reported that night at dinner. "Wasn't at the weekly Thursday meeting with all of the Aurors, wasn't at the vote for goblin rights, not even seen in the gents. But I hear he's out of his office, at last."

"Where do you think he's going?"

"No idea, but Mad-Eye is convinced he might be under the Imperious Curse."

"_What_?" Remus said aghast.

"The man never leaves the Ministry, so unless You-Know-Who jumped him from the time it takes him to make the trip from the loo to his office, I very much doubt it."

"But still, Mad-Eye might have a point."

"I think it's Mad-Eye being Mad-Eye and Scrimgeour not realizing what exactly he signed up for accepting the post as Minister. I'm sure he thought it'd be all pomp and circumstance; he always was a cocky bugger. But he was head of the Auror Department, and was pretty good at it, so he'd know how to avoid being placed under the Imperious Curse. Besides, Mad-Eye thinks everyone at the Ministry is under the Imperious Curse. I think there are days he even suspects me. Although Thicknesse has been acting very odd lately… Anyway, what's all this you have going on?" she said, looking at the piles of books, letters, and maps spread out across the table, which Remus had not had a chance to put away before she came home.

"Order stuff," Remus said. "I've also starting researching again."

"For a cure?" she asked, reading some of his notes.

"Among other things. I have thoughts of publishing some more papers."

"That's wonderful!" she said enthusiastically. "I've always said you should write a book."

"Well, it probably won't be good enough for a book, but for a few articles in scholarly journals and magazines surely."

"Why not aim higher? Why not write a book?" she said. "You could do it you know."

"I have thought about it," and Remus began to daydream the life of a published author and the possibility of contributing an income. "But who in Merlin's name is going to publish a book in the middle of a war? Especially from someone like me?"

"Well, after the war I'm sure publishers will be dying to get their hands on it." She said. "It could be the defining mark you have on wizarding society."

"Who would want to read it besides Healers and Potion Masters?"

"Other werewolves. And you don't have to present it all as lecture notes. It could become a novel."

"A novel?"

"Sure, why not? Why not write about your life, and in between chapters include facts and history on lycanthropy."

"Dora, no one is going to want to read about my life's story. It would become a new means for a Draught of the Living Death."

"I'm serious! There is so much of your life I still don't even know about. And I know not to poke about, I saw you moved your things back into the boxes in your old bedroom."

Remus blushed, thinking how angry he had been that day knowing she had been snooping through his things.

"It's not that I don't want you to know about my past, it's just, it's not a very pleasant one, and it doesn't exactly make for good dinner conversation."

"And what? You think everyone else's past is a bed of roses? Think of my mum, think of what it was like growing up with Bellatrix and Narcissa. Now there is a woman who should write a book about a scarred childhood."

"Alright, but still. Who would want an account of my life? I don't think _I_ would even want to read it."

"Then write don't write it like an autobiography. Write it as a work of fiction, changing names and such. Or you could write it anonymously."

"But still, that leaves the lack of audience willing to read it."

"I think people would be interested hearing a new point of view to lycanthropy. What the general population know to be true is what biased shite people like Umbridge have to say about it."

She had a point. Perhaps wizards might be more understanding if they knew that werewolves were not that different from everyone else.

"My dad is always prattling on about how wizards would be more understanding of Muggles if they just knew more about them. The same can be said for lycanthropy. It's just a thought."

"You have a good point," he said. "But I'm not an author. I've done research on other creatures before and published my findings, but coming up with plot structure and character development…"

"You can do it," she said confidently. "I have never known you to fail at something you worked hard for."

"Except employment." He said sarcastically.

"Well, that cannot be said is your own fault, nor the fault of you not trying hard enough."

They passed the rest of the evening amicably, talking fantastically about the idea of publishing a novel, something to change to the world making them wealthy beyond belief that they would move to the South of France, buy a large house on the ocean and spend the rest of their days tanned and at ease. It wasn't until later that night, lying in bed, did Tonks say something that took Remus by surprise.

"What is that woman like?"

On the brink of deep sleep, his eyes closed, confusedly he asked, "What woman?"

"The one you met while you were in the pack."

"Lavinia?" He said, opening one eye to look over at her.

"Yeah, her, the one that was branded."

"She's… well, she's," Remus was finding it hard to describe her. Waking up fully, he sat up in bed. "She's tall, has wavy dark blonde hair, has these really bright blue eyes-"

"Not want she looks like, what's her personality like? What made you want to befriend her above everyone else in the pack?"

"Well, for starters, she was one of the only ones who would talk to me in the beginning, so that played a big role. Plus, we have similar backgrounds. She was bitten when she was a young girl, though she doesn't know who her attacker was. Her parents kept her hidden away, although they refused most ardently Dumbledore's insistence that she was able to attend Hogwarts. She was educated at home, but that does not diminish from her brilliance. She's very smart, and impossibly witty."

"How old is she?"

"Uh, I think she's in her early thirties." Remus asked, confused.

"So an ideal mate for you," she said sadly, her thoughts betraying her. "To her, you wouldn't be too old, too poor or too dangerous."

Turning on the light so he could look her squarely in the eye, he said, "She is a wonderful person, and has saved my life a number of times underground. Too many that I am forever in her debt. But to me, she is a good friend, and nothing more. She said she's had one great love in her life, who subsequently died, and now has closed her own heart to any other."

"But I see you searching for her with such intensity, all the maps, and tracking tools, I was worried that you might be thinking of leaving," she said, not quite meeting his eyes added, "and not coming back." The woman before him was so unlike the fierce creature that spoke so boldly earlier, who acted so tough and even was going to take on the Minister for Magic, that in a moment all he could do was look at her, seeing her insecurities so plainly. "You hesitate," she said, rolling over on her side, her back now facing him.

"Hey," he said, grabbing hold of her shoulder so he could look at her again. "Nymphadora, I'm not leaving you again. I'm trying to find her because she could be an asset to the Order, and as a friend, I'm worried about her. I'm not leaving you, alright?"

"Not even for a beautiful werewolf who is smart and witty and sounds just peachy perfect?"

"Not even for the most beautiful Veela in the world who was immune to lycanthropy. All that I could ever want in a woman is right here in front of me. There is nothing that would make me leave you ever again."

"You promise?" she asked.

"I promise." He said, kissing her as though to seal the vow.

Her eyes fluttering open, she looked thoughtful for a moment. "Marry me."

"What?" Remus said, half laughing at the absurdity.

"Marry me," she said seriously, sitting up straighter in bed.

"Dora, if this is about your parents, or the threat of these new laws-"

"It has nothing to do with either. It has to do with making the most solemn of vows to never leave one another or love any other."

"Nymphadora, I don't think you understand the implications of legally binding yourself to a werewolf."

"Yes, I do. There is nothing I want more in the world than to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make a public declaration of my love, and there is no better way than marriage. It's a simple yes or no answer, Remus. Will you marry me?"

"Nymphadora," he said, evading his answer. "You would be persecuted, your family would be persecuted. I shutter to even think what Greyback would do to you or to your family or to all of us if he found out."

"Then we'll do it quietly, just a few friends and my family. But you still haven't answered my question."

"What happened to letting your mother becoming accustomed to the idea of our dating?" Remus said pressing the issue further. What had brought about this sudden outpouring of absurdity in the middle of the night?

"Well, she'll just have to get over it." Tonks said, a bite to her tone.

"Dora, this is ridiculous."

She was quiet for a moment. "You don't want to marry me?" she said, looking hurt and he could see her insecurities rising back to the surface.

"It's not that I don't want to, I absolutely do. It's just that, I don't want you to wake up one morning realizing you've forever tied yourself to what I am."

"I cannot ever imagine that happening." She said fiercely. "We love each other, and never want to be parted from one another. What could be more natural than getting married?"

The image of Nymphadora in a long white gown, walking slowly toward him, smiling with such happiness and grace, flooded his conscious mind. Yet, trying to replace himself with another groom, with Charlie Weasley especially, made his blood boil and his heart sore.

"We'll talk about this later, things are too uncertain at the moment-"

"Then what better time is there? In the face of uncertainty, we should create stability. I don't want to come home to an empty flat, or to another man. I want to come home to you. I want you to hold me after a long day at work, to laugh with you about Mad-Eye's insanity, and should Merlin forbid anything ever happen to me, I want you to be the one to receive my body."

"Nymphadora, why are you even talking about this? Now, in the middle of the night?"

"Because You-Know-Who could come strolling through the Ministry tomorrow and blow the whole place sky high. And you would be the last to know if I was alive or dead."

"Stop talking of your death," he said quietly but firmly. It was a thought he already contemplated far too often.

"But we should talk about it! We should talk about what would happen. You didn't know what you were walking into when you went back to the woods the other day. Greyback wants you dead and you could have been killed, and I would never know where to find you, or what had happened to your body."

"Stop it." He said firmly, a growl in the back of his throat made her fall silent and still. "I'm not talking about this, nonsensical topic with you any longer. It's ridiculous to even talk like this, to talk about marriage, because it's never going to happen!" He waved the lights off with his hand and darkness fell on them once more. He rolled over, his back now turned to her. His words hung in the air like a great cloud coming between them, and Remus regretted saying anything at all. His emotions were all over the place: anger, frustration, concern, love, regret. But he stubbornly remained quiet and did not mend what should have been mended. He could feel her weight shifting out of bed before leaving the room and Remus did not hear her return. It would be another restless night of eerie dreams and frightful realizations.

She left that morning before he woke up. No note, no warm kettle for tea, nothing to indicate she might have left that morning in a good mood. He walked into the kitchen to take the last of his potion. It was no longer emanating the blue smoke but he drank it all the same. Making himself a substantial breakfast, he looked through the morning addition of the _Daily Prophet_, which thanks to Wagtail, was brought everyday to the house. There was another article about Dumbledore, more stories about his life and the man he used to be. Remus still was trying to come to grips with the fact that Dumbledore truly was gone, that he had not gone away on holiday, as he sometimes would imagine. Here was the proof, quite literally in black and white, with the date of his death scrolled across the front page of the paper. If it wasn't for his wandering mind, he might have found it odd that even now, over a week after his death, Dumbledore was still the cover story. He seemed to find no mention of the other deaths from those who had encountered Death Eaters.

The entire day Remus was restless, pacing, growing more wary as the hours seem to slowly countdown to another transformation. His mind was elsewhere and even the allure of writing and research could not hold his attention long enough to create a distraction. Jogging several laps around the house and even starting to pull up the dead shrubbery in the front yard did nothing for the growing agitation and pent up energy. What he really needed was to talk to Tonks, to explain to her how he really felt, that he should not have left their conversation last night so poorly.

Walking back into the house, he rearranged the furniture (twice) and made himself a large lunch. He continued his pacing, and even sent Wagtail with a note of reconciliation for Tonks at the Ministry. Wagtail returned with nothing.

An hour before the sun would set, Remus started to feel the effects of the soon rising moon. His hands trembling in a nervous expectation for the pain to come, he wrote out a note for Tonks, who still had not come home. He explained where he would be going and his express wish for her to go to her parents' house tonight, and not to hang around here. He made his way outside to the back of the house where the cellar was located. He wished he could see her face once more, tell her he was sorry for last night, tell her how much her life meant to him, tell her how much he _wanted_ to marry her. But she wasn't here. His foolish pride and ragged emotions had made him harsh and cruel, and he found himself contemplating again how she could ever love someone so erratic.

Opening the heavy wooden doors, before magically locking them shut with enchanted chains, Remus made his way down into the stone barricade below the house. It was dark and chilly, so Remus magically made bluebell flames appear, casting a ghostly blue light throughout as the ball of fire hung magically in the air. The warmth emanating from the flames did nothing to melt the chill he felt deep in his bones. Taking off his clothes, folding them neatly in a corner, his wand on top of them, he waited in his familiar corner for the effects of the moon to take hold. He realized that although this was not his first transformation taking Wolfsbane, it would be the first time he would transform in the cellar having taken it.

_In the gentle haze of sleep, the wolf's ears perked up when it heard the sounds of heavy footsteps approaching the office door. Opening his large amber eyes, Remus could see through the dark room as he lifted his head from his front paws, watching curiously the handle of the door clicked. Worried, Remus got up and lumbering over to lie down underneath his desk in fear of someone seeing him like this. Who_ _was foolish enough to be wandering around the castle at this time of night? But he had some idea of who it might be. The door creaked ominously open, as a rather unpleasant scent filled his nose. Snape._

"_Come out, come out, Lupin." Snape called maliciously, his footsteps slow and deliberate searching around the room. Lighting a fire in the grate, the room was brought to life instantly, flooding all the nooks and crannies with light. Remus knew he couldn't hide forever. Slowly coming out of his hiding place under the desk, he saw Snape's tall form hovering above him like a vulture about to swoop down on its prey. Snape held his wand at the ready._

"_So this is what I was so afraid of?" Snape sneered. "This is what Potter _saved_ my life from? This pathetic looking dog?" The wolf's desire of feeding, of biting, of tearing into this man's flesh started overcoming his senses and Remus, for just a moment, contemplated what would happen if he would attack Snape, to wipe that horrid smile from his face. But he knew Snape would kill him before he had the chance. So Remus let out a low warning growl and Snape's sallow face paled in the light of the fire, but his sneer never left._

"_Pathetic," he spat, leaving the room quickly, locking the door behind him._

Suddenly, everything felt still and quiet, his body no longer had the urge to move and he knew it wasn't long before he would lose control. He began to once again try to disassociate himself from the man about to experience such a grueling process. Then came the all too familiar agonizing pain as his felt his insides start to boil. Trying with all the sanity he had left in him, he tried to take his mind away from the physical pain that was all consuming. He watched, as though from above, the man's limbs began to lengthen and grow, bending and breaking into unnatural positions, reattaching, his spine pushing outwards, his body lengthening, his limbs curling under as they became paws, his nails turning into long, sharp, deadly claws. He heard the man start to scream, a horrifying chilling scream, but through his cries of pain, Remus heard a knocking on the wooden door to the cellar. The sounds of knocking brought Remus back into his own body where he recoiled from the horrific pain he felt, the transformation not yet complete.

"Remus?" a frantic voice called out. "I'm here! Tell me, please, can I do something? What do you need me to do? Please let me let help you!"

But he heard no more, nothing over the sounds of his own screams, which slowly turned into howling.

Opening his new eyes, Remus could see every inch of the dark cellar, able to take in every aspect of the room, even without the help of the slowly dying bluebell flames. His mind, slowly starting to recover from the excruciating pain that had flooded his human body and mind, now began the process of becoming in sync with his wolf form. It was an odd sort of feeling, when his human mind was trapped in a wolf's body. He had wolfish urges, like scratching behind his ear or sniffing at something interesting. But at the same time, his rational human thoughts were ever present questioning the wolf's impulses. The duality of the wolf and the man were often hard to reconcile, so most of the time, Remus would content himself with curling up and falling asleep for the night, as it was something both wolf and man could agree upon. He still had to endure the grueling process of becoming human once more, although, it was not nearly as painful as becoming a wolf.

There was another tentative knock on the wooden cellar doors.

"Remus?" the wolf heard a woman's voice call his name and it sniffed the air. Nymphdaora. The wolf recognized her scent and it was overwhelming. With his keen ears could hear the blood pulsing through her body, the scent of her skin intoxicating every fiber of his being. _If only he could get past that wooden door…_

_No_! The man mentally yelled at the wolf. _Why had she come out here?_ _Hadn't she seen his note? He told her to leave, to go to her parents' house where she would be safe. Even so, what was she doing outside the cellar doors?_

The wolf's ear perked up as he heard the rattling of the enchanted chains being moved. "Remus?" The wolf barked instinctively hearing its name being called. _Oh Merlin_… the man thought.

"Right, I'll just, uh, let you get to it." The wolf heard her footsteps in the soft grass, her scent becoming less potent. _No,_ _let her come down here, let her get close, her flesh would taste so good_… the wolf thought, his stomach growling.

_Just sleep, _the man begged_. We have a long night ahead of us_. The wolf consented as he stretched out its four legs before moving around in a circle and collapsing on the cellar floor, closing his eyes…

It was cold and damp on the cellar floor. Shivering, Remus examined his human form. He had one nasty cut along his right calf, and felt a small cut above his left eye, but nothing severe. Wolfsbane had the added benefit of having his human mind stop the wolf's urges of biting and scratching himself, so even these minor injuries were a little out of the ordinary. Searching blindly in the dark, he found his wand still atop of his neatly stacked clothes. Taking hold of it, he summoned light into the room as he magically cleaned and bandaged his wounds. Putting on his clothes, he found he could not stop shivering. His body aching all over, he made his way slowly up the stone steps where he released the padlock on the magical chains, and pushed his way out where the sunlight was blinding.

Blinking, his eyes readjusting to the light, he climbed his way out of the cellar, closing the doors behind him. He made his way back into the house, where he felt he could sleep for days. But a rather frightening scene made him forget his exhaustion instantly. Tonks, who looked as though she had not slept last night, was bouncing her leg under the dining table, holding onto a cold mug of coffee with one hand and a smoldering cigarette between her fingers in the other. Her eyes were wide and her focus adrift elsewhere entirely. She looked rather deranged and clearly had not heard him come in.

"Nymphadora?" he said hesitantly. She jumped from the sudden noise. Looking around, she saw Remus and letting go of her coffee and cigarette she ran into his arms.

"I was so worried!" she said holding him as tightly as she dared. "I tried to get home sooner, but there was a Death Eater attack in a Muggle town in Berkshire that held me up. I wanted to make sure you had everything you needed, wanted to clean up the cellar before you went down there."

"There is nothing you could have done," Remus said, startled by her outpouring of affection and concern. "Trust me, I've tried keeping it clean, my mum even put a spare mattress down there at one point, but everything becomes destroyed. It's best to leave it as it is."

"I know, its just, I wanted to do something! I'm so sorry!" she said.

"Dora, there is nothing more you could have done. I am the one who should be apologizing."

"What for?"

"For making you worry like this," Remus said mournfully. "Why didn't you go to your parents' house like I asked?"

Tonks looked sheepishly down at her feet. "I was curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat… and the entire wizarding village." He said darkly. "I don't want you coming near those cellar doors again."

"You knew I was there? I couldn't even hear myself above your screams…" she said trailing off blushing. Remus sighed. He had warned her, Sirius had warned her, everything she knew told her that the transformations were the most painful experience a man could endure. Yet, she had to hear it for herself and the terror in her eyes was evidence she had misjudged it entirely.

"Listen," he started. "What you heard last night, that man howling, just know that the pain is quick to pass."

"It didn't sound like it was quick," Tonks said. "I came home and heard something screaming, Remus, heard it from inside the house. I thought surely you were dying, or Greyback had found you and was torturing you."

"I'm so sorry, Dora, that you had to hear that. I'm so sorry for _everything_. And for snapping at you that night."

She waved her hand to indicate it was of no consequence. "I really don't even remember what it was all about."

"Sure you do, you've never been one to lose an argument."

"Well, it doesn't matter now. How are you feeling? Did you hurt yourself? Did the Wolfsbane help at all?" she said, examining his patch job on the cut above his eye.

"I'm fine, just tired." He said, taking hold of her hands and felt her trembling. Had he really instilled this much fear into her? Perhaps now she would finally understand the horrors of getting involved with him.

"Of course, of course, go back to bed. I have to go into work, and Mad-Eye messaged to tell us of an Order meeting later tonight, 21:00 at the Burrow. I should be back in time to come here to go with you if you'd like, but if not I'll send word and meet you there."

"Alright," he said, and his weariness returned with a force. He felt as though he might collapse on the spot.

"Are you sure you're all right? Can I run you a bath, or get you some tea? You really are terribly pale, love." She said, and seeing her face so full of worry made Remus remember why he did not want her living with him; she didn't need the added stress and anxiety of seeing her partner coming back from a night of torture. He tried to give her a reassuring smile saying, "I'm fine, I've been doing this for decades now," he said, feeling his knees give way and was suddenly having to be held upright by her petite frame. Embarrassed and protests ignored- "I'm fine, I'm just very tired"- Tonks helped him back into the bed, where he collapsed, not even bothering to change this clothes.

When he awoke the sun was beginning its western descent. Looking down at the clock on the bedside table, he found it blocked by a sandwich and a cup of cold tea and a note.

_Remus, I came to check on you around lunch and found you sound asleep, so I told Mad-Eye there was no bloody way I was letting you out of bed today and that you wouldn't be at the Order meeting tonight. Don't fight me on this, please just get some rest. All my love, your Dora. P.S. Molly Weasley sent word that Bill was fine, nothing fury popped up last night and all is well._

Remus crumpled up the note. The last thing he needed was for her to be overbearing. He felt guilty enough bringing this burden into her life. She had seen him the day after a transformation before, even brought him tea and a warm washrag to clean his face. Never had she fussed over him this way. Biting hungrily into the sandwich, and even managing a few gulps of the tepid tea, he was starting to feel a little better with food in his stomach. He was glad Bill was all right, glad that he did not have to endure his family's anxiety on nights of the full moon.

Remus was starting to feel that Tonks might have had a fair point; apart from sleeping the better half of the day, Remus still felt exhausted, even more so than other days after a transformation. Taking heed to her advice, Remus fell instantly back to sleep.

It was the sound of breaking glass that woke him later. Looking out the bedroom door he could not see the dim glow of lights being on downstairs, which he found odd. If Tonks had come home, surely she would have turned some of the lights on. Thinking instantly the noises to be those from an intruder, he got to his feet, wand held at the ready as he crept down the stairs and into the sitting room.

"Whose there?" he called out.

"Who do you think it is?" she called back from the kitchen. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. It was Tonks after all.

"Why are all the lights off?" He said, waving the lights in the kitchen on. Blinking back the harsh fluorescent light, he saw her, sandwich in one hand and a bottle of butterbeer in the other, looking quite like a deer caught in headlights.

"I didn't want to wake you," she said.

"What broke?" He said, coming to examine the scene more closely.

"Drop a bottle," she said, indicating the spilled mess on the floor. "Sandwich?" she said holding out her own.

"No, thanks. I will take one of those if we have anymore," he said indicating the butterbeer. She handed him the one in her hand before going back into the icebox to find another. He waved his wand cleaning up the broken shards of glass and butterbeer on the floor.

"Thanks," she said closing the door to the icebox.

"How was the Order meeting?" he said yawning.

"Long, we covered loads." She said taking her sandwich and butterbeer to the table where Remus joined her. "I would have been back sooner, but Ginny and I got to talking after the meeting was done. Poor girl's going through a bit of hard lines at the moment. Did you know she and Harry were dating last term?"

"No, I didn't," Remus said. "It's good to hear that he had found some happiness with Ginny. The two seem well suited for one another."

"Well, he broke up with her right before Dumbledore's funeral. Can you imagine that? Said, because he wasn't going to be there next term, and with his future so uncertain, he didn't want to string her along."

"That was sensible of him, I suppose." Remus said.

"It was pigheaded and idiotic." Tonks said, looking at him with exhaustion. "I suppose you would think that was sensible, Mister Too Old, Too Poor, Too Dangerous."

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

"Never," she said. "It only further proves to you that I tend to be right about these sorts of matters."

"So apart from giving Ginny relationship advice, what did you cover at the meeting?" said Remus, rolling his eyes at her.

"Loads," she said again, hungrily eating her sandwich.

Remus sighed at her lack of furthering along the conversation. "I should have been there." Remus said, mentally kicking himself for his weakness.

"Don't worry about it, everyone understood. Everyone sends their regards and Molly made me bring home a basket of treats for you. Loads of chocolate." She said, pointing to a large basket Remus had not seen earlier. "Besides, covering a wide range of topics does not mean we accomplished a whole lot. Mad-Eye was still on about how everyone is under the Imperious Curse, and how we should be questioning everyone's true identities now, and so we spent at least a half hour determining that indeed, everyone present at the meeting was who they claimed to be. Honestly, Mad-Eye is loopier than ever, it's a nightmare. We did plan out our stratagem for moving Harry in a month. I volunteered our house for one of the locations a pair would head to, but it's too far away when traveling by broom from Surrey. So I volunteered mum and dad's instead."

Remus thought that that sounded like a terrible idea to inexplicably link Andromeda Black with the workings of the Order, as well as ambushing her for the use of her property.

"I know what your thinking, I was being too hasty in just giving up my parents location, but dad is always prattling on about how he wants to help the Order, and this is a great way for them to contribute without really having to do anything."

"Nymphadora, you don't think they might just be a little miffed if they have one of the Harry Potters show up on their doorstep unannounced?"

"I'm going to tell them about it obviously, and besides, me, Mad-Eye, Kingsley and a few others will be going around the night before to place protective barriers around the different locations. It's all perfectly safe."

"What else was covered?"

"Hestia Jones and Dedalus Diggle have been asked to escort Harry's relatives to a safe location. Diggle nearly wet himself over the idea of helping Harry so directly. Oh, the Aurors have been placed more or less as look outs for sightings of captured Death Eaters."

"What? If they've been captured, why would you need to look for them?"

"Well, because Azkaban is so unprotected at the moment without the Dementors and the Ministry working hard creating this façade that everything is safe and secure, they're going to great lengths to cover up any more mass breakouts. So we have to look, on top of everything else, to see if when we round up Death Eaters, they haven't just come from Azkaban."

"Shouldn't this assignment be coming from the Ministry, not the Order?"

"The Ministry would never break down and ask for help like that. It's bad enough Scrimgeour, when not at his press junkets for the _Daily Prophet_, disappears for days and no one has a clue to where he goes or what he might be up to. Mad-Eye said he tried tailing him, but said all the man did was stay in his office and then use the loo. Mad-Eye said he's even been having his meals delivered to his office and no one has seen him go home. It's just a bloody mess."

"What else?"

"I brought up the point of having a rally to protest the restrictive legislation-"

"Nymphadora…"

"And Mad-Eye agreed with you; the Ministry would shut it down in a heartbeat and it would accomplish nothing. And I suppose I see your point, I mean, if they're going to such great lengths to cover up mass breakouts, then there is no way they would let such a blatant display of unrest go unpunished."

"It was a nice thought," Remus said kindly.

"I'm still going to find a way to fight this, Remus. You have enough scars as it is, I don't want to see numbers branded into your skin."

"I just don't want you getting into any trouble. You are too important at the Ministry, and I'd hate to see you, Merlin forbid, lose your job over such a minor dispute."

"It's funny, Mad-Eye said something similar to me, but it was more like, 'Nymphadora Tonks, if I see in an office memo you've been taken into custody for some cocked up chin wagging, you'll have paper work so far up your-'"

"I get the picture." Remus said cutting her off, chuckling to himself. "Quite the charmer, that Moody."

"Yeah, it's no wonder he's never been married."

The mention of marriage brought Remus to think back to the conversation they had Thursday night. "Dora, I want to talk to you about what you asked me the other night."

"Oh, Remus, listen, it's just, with all the cases I've been on lately with Muggles being tortured and murdered as I was just freaking out a little and I was starting to feel-"

"Yes." He said.

"What?"

"My answer is yes."

"What do you mean, your answer is yes? Yes, to what exactly?" she said, but the look on her face was one of restrained anticipation which meant she knew what he was referring to. She just wanted to hear him say it.

"You asked me a question Thursday night, and I would like to tell you my answer is yes. Yes, I will marry you Nymphadora Tonks."

She sat there stunned for a moment, looking at him as though he had grown five sets of horns. But her expression softened, and she beamed at him. "You'll marry me?" she said, blinking and laughing at her own happiness. "Truly?"

"Truly. I don't think we should do it right away, maybe some time in the fall or winter, or next spring. I don't know, but yes, some day I will marry you."

"Remus, I have to say that wasn't the most romantic answer a girl has ever heard. 'I'll marry you someday'?" she grinned, and kissed his protesting mouth. "But it will do." She said quietly, resting her forehead again his. "Coming from you, that's probably the most romantic thing you've ever said to a woman."

"That's the truth," he said, taking her head into his hands. "But how is this? I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and no one else because for me, there will never be anyone else I could possibly love as much as I love you right now."

"Hmm, very romantic." Tonks said, closing her eyes to kiss him.

"But-"

"Here it comes, the disclaimer." Tonks said, opening her eyes to study his worried expression, shaking her head in disbelief.

"But we don't know what the outcome of this war will be, nor what Greyback's intentions, nor what the Ministry might to do further its agenda against werewolves-"

"And the Earth could be hit by a giant meteor tomorrow and we'll all be dead and the worry will have been for nothing. The outcome of the war will be for the betterment of mankind," she said. "You just have to have faith and positive energy. We're going to win this war, Remus, and then you and I, sir-" she kissed him right and proper- "will be blissfully together as man and wife."

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><p>an: A very happy father's day to any fathers reading this chapter! You are very blessed to be gifted with children, never forget that.

This was a very unique chapter for me to write because I always thought it must have been odd for Remus taking Wolfsbane Potion having his human mind while being in a wolf's body. I don't know if I could cope with the strangeness of being aware of having four paws and a tail. So it's written as the thoughts he has as a man and the thoughts he has as a wolf. Hopefully everyone understood that.

A big THANK YOU to everyone who has responded to this story and has added it as a favorite. I really appreciate any and all comments, so pleased don't be scared to click the review button and give me your thoughts.


	8. Crown of Love

**a/n:** The Harry Potter Universe, including the characters described below, belong to JK Rowling, and Warner Brothers. And although I look to canon for clues about backstory, no copyright infridgement is intended. M Rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight: Crown of Love<strong>

Tonks did not bring up marriage for a few days, for which, Remus was grateful. It wasn't that he did not want to marry her; he just felt the longer they might live together, shared their lives together, living as man and wife in all but name only, he would become more comfortable with the idea of doing it legally. Morally, his chivalrous nature felt a little responsible that they were living together, sharing a bed together, and they were not married. But he reminded himself this was no longer 1962, and Tonks was a modern woman, and when it came down to it, he certainly did not complain, nor hesitate, in the sharing of his bed.

Their lives fell back into a routine, with Tonks leaving for work in the morning, Remus would continue with research and planning, she would come home in the evening, they would have dinner together, laugh and talk and go to sleep. Far from being monotonous, Remus found his new life full of possibilities, full of hope. He liked cooking a meal for her when she came home, falling into bed together, holding her when she was tired. His manly sense of pride no longer seemed as determined and headstrong to be the primary breadwinner because he so enjoyed her company in his home. No longer was his childhood home a place he avoided, was ashamed of, but was happy to claim as his own, and knew it was because he was happy to come home to her. They even had Bill and Fleur over for dinner one night, which was reason to break into more of Ted Tonks' excellent Scotch. Two couples sharing a meal, laughing, enjoying seeing each other outside of Order meetings; it was so innocent, so perfectly ordinary that Remus started to feel like a common man, one capable of such normality and routine. It was glorious.

The only thing that had changed was Remus no longer sat at home planning; he had begun his tracking of Lavinia through Brighton, but so far had come back with nothing definitive. He searched the beautiful seaside town and the Royal Pavilion, exploring pubs and restaurants, investigating hotels, and even went so far as to look through the Muggle phone book for any Cormiers that might be living in the area, although later he reminded himself that Cormier was not Lavinia's original surname name. Nothing produced the answers he was looking for. After nearly a week's time, he had resigned himself to the fact that Lavinia simply did not want to be found, she had left Brighton, or he was incapable of tracking down anyone. All three seemed like plausible conclusions. So for the time being, he gave up his search, and firmly planted himself at the dining table to continue furthering contacts and researching the history of lycanthropy. He was surprised to find that for a time, werewolves were used as protectors, sacred guards even, for the leader of a magical realm. They were seen as godlike, having the ability to transform their shape without the use of a wand during any phase of the moon. Too bad this line of thinking disappeared around the sixteenth century, as did the ability to transform at will.

The pattern of domestic tranquility was disrupted when Tonks had to leave on Wednesday on a covert mission for the Ministry, using her metamorphmagus abilities to go undercover in the hopes of infiltrating a sleeper cell of Death Eaters near the Scottish border. If she could locate their primary headquarters as well as learn the identity of the regional leader, she would be placed there for a fortnight before the Ministry would go in with a team of Aurors to eliminate the threat. Remus could not imagine the possibility of her leaving for so long. Even within the span of her four-day mission, he was aching for her return. Their bed no longer felt warm, his nights were even more restless, tossing and turning in the sheets, waking up every few hours to wonder why she was not there. His days, too, seemed longer when he knew he did not have her face to look forward to at the end of it, meals lost all taste without her company to enjoy it.

But come home she did, Sunday afternoon, safe and successful in all but gaining the name of the regional leader. She reported her findings that night to the Order, who were very keen to hear more details about the mission and these alleged pockets of Death Eaters. She'd give her official report to the Ministry tomorrow when it would be determined if and for how long she would be gone. Her report tonight was much worse than they feared as it gave them new insight into the vast legions of Death Eaters throughout Great Britain. It was something they had suspected and assumed, but had ardently hoped to be untrue.

"There are also so many more who have been biding their time throughout Europe," She said. "The Ministry has no jurisdiction in parts of Ireland, so Death Eaters are coming in through the Irish coast to get into Scotland and England, where they join with these cells of agents, waiting for their orders from You-Know-Who. All manner of people and creatures, such as vampires and werewolves, are joining with the Death Eaters, and I'm sad to say, their numbers are very quickly overwhelming our own."

"Thank you, Nymphadora," Mad-Eye said grimly. "Remus, anymore word from the werewolves?"

"I must report that it has been slow going in my attempts of contacting other members of the pack. The meeting with my source is set this coming Saturday, so I should have more information by then."

"Very well," Mad-Eye said, in a way that made Remus feel a little useless. It wasn't like he hadn't been trying to do something more. But when you have a deranged leader of a feral werewolf pack after you, your resources are rather limited. Mad-Eye continued, "We all need to be under constant vigilance. Question everyone, and always assume they have ulterior motives."

Tonks made a face at Remus over Mad-Eye's paranoia.

That night when they came home, Remus watched with careful appreciation all of the little mannerisms she did in moments of calm. She exhibited such grace in these moments of quiet meditation, writing out paperwork, pulling her hair into a ponytail, sipping her tea, that Remus' simple wish was to never miss a moment of her life. He was so deeply in love with her in those moments, it was overwhelming. Never before had he felt such agony and ecstasy all at once. Lying awake in bed, listening to the quiet inhale and exhale of her breathing, he tried hard to fall asleep. His body had returned to equilibrium with her body next to his in their bed; but his mind was working over time, because there was something else, something he could not quite figure out. Something in her report had made him begin to wonder what her leaving would mean, as well as the worry he would have for her being so deep undercover. Eventually he did fall asleep, where he dreamt of colors and shapes, but nothing definitive.

The next morning, before her alarm would wake her for work, he awoke with a start, thinking she was already gone. But looking over to find her sleeping, he relaxed. He tentatively touched the silken strands of her long pale pink hair, letting the ends curl around his fingers, while the bright morning sun bathed her milky white skin in its golden rays. He watched her chest rise and fall, her mouth slightly opened, releasing each exhale. Remus loved to watch her sleep, so tranquil and undisturbed. He kissed her gently on the forehead, causing her eyes to flutter open. She looked around for a moment, blinking back the sunlight, confused about what had disturbed her slumber. But she smiled, seeing Remus' face so close to hers.

"Good morning," she said sleepily, stretching her arms above her head.

"Morning," he said in response. He loved the way she looked in the morning, her hair slightly disheveled, her pupils wide from sleep, her face at ease with the world.

"You really must stop doing that you know," she said.

"Stop doing what?"

"Stop watching me sleep. I'm no good to you when I'm unconscious." She said with a very wolfish grin.

"Let's get married." Remus said in a gentle rush.

"We will," she said, yawning and stretching her body further to awaken her muscles. "As you've so cleverly stated, 'I'll marry you someday'."

"I don't want to wait anymore." Remus said, and the adrenaline of excitement was pulsing throughout his body. This was it. This was what he had been so restless about last night. He had come to the realization watching her give her report that he did not want to wait any longer. He could not stand the idea of her leaving him, for a fortnight or for an eternity.

She still continued to stare at him, confusion and laughter in her eyes. "Well, when would you want to do it?"

"Let's do it this week," Remus said. "Say, Wednesday."

"Wednesday?" Tonks laughed. "How in the name of Merlin's goolies could we pull off a wedding by Wednesday?"

"It wouldn't have to be any extravagant feat, we could even have it here."

"Here? Love, I really like the cottage, I do. It's charming and for now I think it's a perfect home for us. But I don't think it could hold everyone for a wedding. Besides, we're too close to the Muggle village. Someone would be bound to notice wizards and witches popping in and out."

"Then we'll do it somewhere else, but, Dora, I want to marry you."

She looked at him, her eyes bearing into his as though she might find some hint of a joke. Grabbing her wand from the bedside table, she pointed it at him and asked, "Where was the first place I ever kissed Remus Lupin?"

Remus laughed. She didn't believe it was really him. "In the kitchen of Grimmauld Place in front of a very embarrassed, and I think, jealous Sirius Black."

"Well, I had to be sure. I'm usually the one who is pestering you. But you're serious? You want to get married right away?"

"Yes, I do. I want you to be my wife, Nymphadora. Until the end of my days, whether that's till the next full moon or when I'm one hundred and eighty, I don't want to ever stop loving you."

"Alright," she said smiling.

"Alright?" he said, his heart feeling lighter than it had been in years.

"Alright!" she laughed, jumping on top of him, kissing his face all over. Remus had never felt so joyful, so full of life. "Wednesday?" she said.

"No time like the present," Remus said.

"So, we'll elope?" She said, her eyes wide with excitement.

"We'll elope!" Remus said happily. "We could tell a few people, if you'd like, someone will have to stand as our witness."

"We'll tell just a few people like Molly and Arthur and Bill and Ginny and Hermione and Kingsley, and Mad-Eye will come if we invite him or not, so we can count him in now," she said listing off people. "Oh! And we should see if we could spring Harry even earlier from his aunt and uncle's."

"I don't know if Mad-Eye will go for that," Remus said sadly thinking Harry would be the one person he would have wanted most of all witnessing his wedding day. It would be the closest thing to having James and Lily there.

"Yeah, he'd probably go mental if I ask him. So, no Harry, but all of the Weasley kids, Fred and George should provide some of their famous fireworks, and mum and dad and…" but she stopped, looking crestfallen. "Mum and dad… Remus, they'll never come 'round. It's too soon."

Remus had almost forgotten the rightly concerned parents, his future in-laws. He was silent as his heart, so buoyant in his new found happiness, started to deflate like a punctured balloon.

"You know what?" Tonks said, looking determined. "Fuck it. If they can't accept it, then they simply will no longer be apart of my life."

"Dora, I'd never ask that from you. It was foolish of me to get so excited like this. I should have thought about your parents and what it would mean for them. I was being narrow minded."

"No, no, Remus. This is _our_ life, not theirs. I want to marry you. I want to marry you today, right now, if I could, and nobody is going to stop me from doing that. Especially not my bigoted mother."

"Nymphadora, your parents mean a lot to you. I know that it seems okay now, but you would want your father to walk you down the aisle or to have your mother there helping you with your gown."

"Who says anything about a gown? I have two left feet remember? You want me tripping my way down the aisle?"

Remus laughed. "Alright, no gown. But just think for a moment."

"You're the one who needs to _stop_ thinking and be more of the spontaneous man I finally caught a glimpse to see. There are times, Remus, I question whether you and Sirius were ever friends."

Remus laughed. "Why, because I'm an old codger?"

"No, because you're too thoughtful. You think too much before you act. Sirius was all about acting and then _maybe_ thinking about it later if the mood struck him."

"Too true."

"So, in the true Marauder spirit, let's elope. Let's do it Wednesday. That should be enough time to get everything in order."

"Truly?" Remus asked, still concerned she was not clearly thinking this through. He knew he had not. His own happiness and love for this woman had made him so much more spontaneous and adventurous. Tonks was right; it was like being a Marauder again.

"Truly," she said. "It gives us," looking over at the clock. "Uh, less than two days, eleven hours and twenty-three minutes to plan the most spectacular day of our lives."

"We're going to go for an evening wedding are we?" He said, adding the hours in his mind.

"It will give us any extra time we may need, and we certainly may need it. Plus, it will add to the romance of such a runaway wedding." Tonks said grinning. "Oh! And I have the perfect dress in mind. I saw it the other day in London when I went out to lunch with a few of the guys from the office. We'll need to buy you new dress robes, darling because your wardrobe is a bit on the dated side."

"Duly noted, what about a cake?" he asked.

"What about cupcakes?" she said excitedly. "Those are easy enough to make for a lot of people, and I can manage that without burning them."

"And a venue?" he asked, forming the image in his mind.

"Well, we could do it outside, it'll be warm enough then as it's the start of July."

"Candles?"

"Everywhere."

"Flowers?"

"Peonies. Bright and pink." She grinned at him.

"Our wedding night?" he said seductively.

"On the beach," she said, leaning in further for a kiss.

"Wait, on the beach?" he said, pulling back to look at her fully. "Dora, I'm just coming around to public displays of affection. It might take me a while before I jump into exhibitionism."

"Not literally on the beach, silly. Ugh, think of the sand… No I mean in a room on or near the beach. I have this fantastic image in my mind of making love to you with the sounds of the sea in the background."

"Hmm, a very nice image indeed," he said, leaning back in to kiss her once more.

"What about Brighton? You have all those maps out of East Sussex, and there are lovely beaches down there."

"Brighton is very crowded this time of the year," Remus said, knowing first hand just how obnoxious the Muggle tourists were.

"Well, I don't much care which beach, but someplace warm and sunny." She said, climbing off of him to lay herself down on the bed, closing her eyes. "Hmm, yes, warm and sunny will do nicely."

"I'll have to purchase one of those long, what are they called, bathing costumes along with my new dress robes, shall I?"

She laughed. "Merlin forbid! I suddenly have a very smart image of you in a stripped Edwardian bathing costume in my mind. No, we'll buy you some trunks to swim in. Much more acceptable. You really don't own a cozzy?"

"The last time I was at the sea for the purpose of swimming, was, uh," Remus had to really think back. "Before I was bitten?"

"You're joking!" Tonks said, sitting up in bed to look at him.

"No, I can honestly say I'm not," Remus said.

"Well that will be the first thing we do when we get there. I'm throwing you into the water," she said.

"Darling, I don't think physically you could ever be able to throw me anywhere," Remus said with a smirk.

"Alright, clever dick," she said poking him playfully in the ribs, making him squirm.

"So, should we get married on the beach?" Remus asked.

"No, I want it to be a place all our own. A place we can go back on our honeymoons or with our children one day."

Remus felt so content daydreaming about his future wife, lounging on a towel, large sunglasses framing her eyes, her pink hair windswept, looking out to where a child was building sandcastles near by…

"Alright," he said, returning himself back to reality. "So we'll bring the master of ceremonies where?"

"Isn't there a park or some area close by to everyone where we might have some privacy from the Muggles?"

"I suppose we could ask Molly if she might host it at the Burrow. It would be the most secure place since it is serving as headquarters."

"She's already in a tizzy over her own son's wedding. No need to add to her stress. No, we'll do it somewhere close by, outside. It will be quick with perhaps a small reception afterwards and then we'll leave for the sea. And I won't have to look at Mad-Eye's mad eye for a least a week."

"A week?" The reality of all the expense was starting to come into sharper focus. "Dora, if we're married on Wednesday, I have a meeting with Caliban on Saturday in Devon."

"Well, you could leave me for a little while, then come back after you're done. Besides, there are beaches in Devon. And it's not like you can't Apparate instantly back and forth."

"True," he said. He looked over at her, but her eyes were closed and she was smiling so contentedly with the idea of such a beautiful location and such wonderful ideas for a wedding, that he could not voice his concerns; not now, while her face was so serene and delighted. He, too, was filled with the glorious warmth of love and affection for the woman next to him. It gave him some satisfaction that he had made her so happy, so at ease with the world.

"Pink peonies, eh?" Remus asked, and she opened her eyes.

"The brightest pink I can find." She said. Tonks' alarm began buzzing excitedly before it started yelling, "You'd better be up or you'll be late for work!"

"You know," she said, waving her wand to make the alarm stop. "I think I might go into the office late this morning. Gawain Robards can just wait for my report a little longer…" She climbed back on top of him, straddling his lap as she dipped her head so that she could kiss him with a new intensity, a new fire Remus felt sure would swallow him whole. Moving such an intense kiss down his jaw and onto the delicate spot on his throat, Remus felt overcome with love and with lust.

"I love you so much," he said breathlessly, taking in the pleasure of her forceful and deliberate actions. He put his hands on her hips, before they slipped their way under her t-shirt, up her back, exploring the feeling of her spine, his fingers traveling up and down her soft creamy skin.

"I love you more," she whispered, her breath warm against his ear, and the simple sound of her voice like that, so full of passion and lust made his heart race and his body ache for her touch.

He whispered back to her, "Impossible," looking into her eyes, a hand cupped gently on the side of her heart shaped face, before he opened his mouth and took her in again. Heart pounding in his ears, Remus lowered his attentions carefully down her chin, wandering to her neck where he found her pulse and tasted her, kissing, then biting down lightly until she moaned and he sucked there gently then came back up to silence her with his rough mouth. But the soft sounds of her need just traveled deep within her throat and continued as her hands trailed under his shirt, roaming in a delirious rush.

Tonks, removing the oversized t-shirt she slept in, revealed her perfect nakedness as the golden rays of the morning sun bathed her body in a warm glow. She was so beautiful, looking so intently at him, waiting hungrily for his next move.

Eyes still entwined, he touched her breast with a tentative hand and she covered it with hers, moving his hand to massage her in the way she like, groaning at the feel of his hand on so delicate an area. Fueled by her gesture, he dipped his head and kissed one mound gently, then the other, rubbing his face lightly against her. Leaning backwards, her thighs held tightly onto the side of his hips, granting him further space in which to explore, her back arched in deep bliss. Remus held firmly onto her, his fingers digging deep into her back, and in one swift and powerful move, he rolled her over so he was on top. She giggled nervously at the power he exuded in turning her over, her eyes filled with lust and longing. Never before had Remus felt so confident in his own sexual prowess, and he knew it came from being so in love, and rather practiced, with this woman, a fact that made him attempt to do things without fear of embarrassment or judgment. They had become so comfortable with each other's bodies, knowing what drove the other one wild. He started kissing her again on her neck, covering again the spot where he had left his mark, before he ventured downward, hot breath tickling her as he stopped and dropped a fervent kiss on her stomach then farther, a low sound in his throat as he pulled downward on the final barrier between them. He slid the tight cotton panties down her thighs and he watched as her back arched in excited anticipation.

Tonks wrapped possessive arms around him as he nestled his cheek into her breasts, breathed her in deeply and closed his eyes when she ran her hands through his hair, pulling on it gently in her desperate need for him. And he smiled, eyes never leaving hers as her hands moved to push at his boxers and he pulled them off and threw them to the floor.

He trailed his mouth back downward again, slowly, teasingly, touching her with his lips in a euphoric worship, until his hot breath fell on her most sensitive spot. He kissed her there tenderly as her body tightened and lightly pushed toward him.

Suddenly, his lips opened and the wet heat of his mouth enveloped her, making her cry out, one long hand trailing to her belly, stroking lightly as his mouth found an exquisite rhythm, pleasuring her.

Tonks finally moved to her elbows, watching him tenderly move between her, his hips grinding slightly into the sheets, she immediately pushed herself backwards into the pillows, and by doing so, pulled her body away from him as she tugged at his shoulders and whispered breathlessly, "Come here."

He slid slowly up her body.

Leaning into her, she touched him, hard and solid, and he let out a small moan. Remus felt her warm hand close around him to stroke unhurriedly, teasingly, as he closed his eyes and felt as his mouth open to let out a deeper moan, concentrating everything he had on the pleasure. Moving her hand faster around him, the heat and friction sent rippling waves of desire through his entire body. But she stopped suddenly and Remus knew she couldn't wait any longer. He certainly could not.

Without being told, as her eyes were saying everything, he immediately moved his hips forward to push slowly, easily into her. She opened her eyes to find him looking at her, and Tonks smiled at him, a beautiful almost tragic smile, her breasts slightly heaving and her eyes closing once again as she reached around his back to hold him, to touch her face to his neck and feel his pulse pounding hard under her cheek.

"Faster," she panted, her breathing staggered, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist. Remus was all too happy to oblige as he ground his hips further, deeper, increasing the speed in which he rode on a wave of pure momentum, wanting it to last as long as he could hold out. Having her below him as she gasped words of ecstasy, making deep primal noises, pleasure evident in the arching waves of her tight body, Remus felt his body wavered on the precipice with her. When she finally came over the edge, her muscles contracting around him, his heard his name passed her lips in an satisfied exhale, the tips of her black painted nails pressing hard into the tight flesh of his back.

"Oh, Remus..."

The sound of the soft, exquisite way she said his name made him come hard with a shudder, convulsing and pushing deep inside her with a spasm spilling all he had into her. He held on to her panting, still inside her, still connected, and he knew that he never wanted to be separated from her, never wanted to lose this moment he shared with her. Both of them, naked and vulnerable, yet so hopelessly wrapped up in the other, completely codependent on the other. Any doubts Remus had about their marriage were completely obliterated from his mind after this moment of complete and satisfying release.

She continued to clutch at him, as her body slowly started to relax, their frantic breathing intermingling as it slowly returned to normal as they collapsed into each other's arms. He didn't pull his body from hers immediately but held her close, touched his lips to her skin as though it was something sacred and demanded reverence. She buried her face into his neck, breath finally returning to a steady rhythm as she shifted her hips and slipped a warm leg between his, brushing gently at his manhood. He closed his eyes, lost in complete and magnificent rapture.

"Now that was a way to start a morning," she said, and Remus could feel her smile against the delicate skin on his neck.

"Mmhmm," he agreed, eyes still closed, still trying to recover from all that had just happened.

"That was," she started and he felt her let out a long exhale against his skin.

"Incredible," Remus said nodding in agreement.

"Fucking epic," Tonks said enthusiastically. He started to laugh a little, his stomach expanding and contracting against her own as his joy passed from his body into her own as she began to laugh. "Really, has it ever been like that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoy myself every time we're together, but like that?"

Remus rolled over, lying on his back looking up at the ceiling trying to think of the last time there had been such ardor between them. He could certainly remember the times that were less than spectacular, but like that? With such vigor and fervor that had inspired such great passion between them? No, Remus could not remember a time like today.

But he said diplomatically, "Every time is fucking epic with you, Nymphadora."

She laughed, rolling onto her side to look at him. "Good answer." She leaned over further to kiss the long thin scar on his neck.

The morning gone, a wedding to plan, and Tonks heading to the office, much later than usual, Remus suddenly found himself in charge of everything. She wrote down quickly before she left, a list of things she wanted for the day, but the rest was left entirely to him. He sent Kingsley's invitation through Patronus, and Tonks said she'd ask Mad-Eye at work. After a working lunch, he received two owls, one followed closely by the other. The first was from the master of ceremonies who said he would be free the evening of 2 July and that he could keep their marriage quiet. "_I've had so many young runaway couples over the past six months, keeping the ceremony quiet has been a necessity so angry parents won't come looking for them. Or for me." _The second was a hurried note from Tonks that expressed her wish that instead of chocolate cake with chocolate icing, she'd prefer red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting, and that Mad-Eye had nearly hexed her for suggesting they move Harry before their scheduled date of mission_. "I mean really, it was just a thought, no need to threaten me with a Jelly-Brain Jinx." _Disappointed, but not completely surprised by Mad-Eye's refusal in moving Harry sooner, Remus made the correction in his supply list and crossed off "Hire Master of Ceremonies" on his to-do list.

Everything suddenly was starting to feel overwhelming. The point of eloping was so that they didn't have to deal with all the trivialities like flowers or cake flavors, wasn't it? But he wanted to make the day special and memorable that he pushed through his new anxieties. It wasn't until the matter of the venue came up did he resign himself to the fact he needed help. So, Remus Apparated to the Burrow to personally announce their wedding to a very tearfully happy Molly Weasley.

"Oh, Remus, dear, this has been a long day coming! Thank Merlin it has finally happened!" Molly said, giving him a warm hug.

"We'd like for you and Arthur to come and be a witness. I'd like to ask Bill as well, and he's welcome to bring Fleur along. The kids can come, I suppose," Remus said scratching the back of his head. This was turning into a larger affair than he had counted on. "We're trying to keep things quiet, as we don't know how the Ministry might react to such a union. The only other people we've asked are Kingsley and Mad-Eye."

"Of course, dear," she said. "Arthur and I would be proud to be there and I'm sure the kids would be as well. What about Harry?"

"It's too dangerous for him to leave the safety of Privet Drive. Dora said Mad-Eye almost hexed her on the spot when she asked him about it."

"Well, if it's for Harry's safety, then we shouldn't risk it. But I know he would be pleased as punch for both of you."

"Thank you, Molly."

"So, what do you need help with?" she asked, seeing the real reason behind Remus' personal invitation.

Remus, as hesitant as he was asking for help, did not want to prolong the issue and got straight to the point. "There is just so much to do, Molly. And with Tonks at the Ministry all day, she isn't in a position to be able to help, as much as she would like. I just need your opinion about some of the details."

"Of course, dear," she said, and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table where Remus pulled out his notes.

"Dora has written out a few requests, but she hasn't given any specific details."

"She likes to play tough, but Tonks is a romantic. She'll want all the sentimental details, but nothing ornate or over the top."

"That's what I was thinking, but I'm not good with this kind of thing." Remus said, looking lost on how he could go about providing romance without being cliché.

"Don't worry, dear, that's what I'm here for." Molly said, patting his arm lovingly.

And together, they set on a course to planning a beautiful romantic evening Remus was sure to be everything both he and Nymphadora could hope for. After much protesting, conceded only by Molly's fervent insistence, he consented to her planning a small gathering after the ceremony at the venue, which was to take place in Arlington Court Gardens, after normal visiting hours to prevent the Muggles from noticing. Molly said Arthur knew the grounds keeper through his work in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office when a pair of hedge trimmers had become magically enchanted. The miscreant wizards had enchanted the trimmers to sculpt realistic topiaries of nude Winston Churchills much to the chagrin of the poor old caretaker. Mr. Weasley had struck up a conversation with the man (after he had magically modified his memory) and he found the area and the caretaker fascinating, coming for visits every so often.

Remus felt sure the Victorian home and gardens would provide much of the old worldly romance for Tonks and a bit of history and charm for himself.

Molly got to work right away on the cake, Remus trying his best to help. "Dear, go and sit down. Tell me again what kind of cake does she want?"

"Red velvet." Remus said consulting his notes. "Never heard of it, but it sounds fascinating. Personally, I would stick with the basics, like vanilla or chocolate or pumpkin, but I will bow to her wishes."

Bill, home early from Gringotts, walked through the back door.

"Bill! You'll never guess what is happening Wednesday!" Mrs. Weasley said excitedly.

"I'm sure I don't know," Bill said looking from his mother to Remus.

"Remus and Tonks finally have decided to get married!" she said triumphantly.

"That's brilliant!" he said, thumping Remus on the back. "What did I tell yah? Marry her, I told him mum, marry her quick before she catches wise."

"Well, I was wondering Bill if you might help me with something." Remus said.

"Say no more, I'll have the twins start planning a brilliant stag night." He leaned in close so his mother wouldn't hear. "They know this one dishy witch who can pull her leg up over her head-"

"No, no! No stag party for me. It was something entirely different I was going to ask you about."

"Oh, right. I have a good goblin friend who made my engagement ring for Fleur, real classy, and gave me a good price for it."

"No, I have the ring taken care of," Remus said thinking of his mother's wedding ring, the one piece of her jewelry collection he had not pawned in desperation. "No, I was wondering if you might help me find a decent pair of dress robes."

"Ah." Bill said looking a little disappointed it wasn't something a little more dramatic. "Right, Madame Malkin's, I'd think. She has some really nice dress robes, I've found. Charlie and I found ours for my wedding there. Really sharp and great quality."

"As I have been told from my future wife, my sense of fashion may be a bit dated. Would you mind coming along and helping an old man out?"

"Of course! I've got the rest of the day off, would you like to go now?"

"No time like the present!" Remus said. The younger man's enthusiasm was infectious. The two men took the Floo Network from the Weasley's kitchen and made a dusty entrance into Madame Malkin's Robes for All Occasions.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," said a friendly looking witch. "My name is Holly, can I help you with anything in particular?"

"My friend here is getting married!" Bill said happily.

"Congratulations, sir, when is the happy day?" Holly said.

"Wednesday," Remus said.

Holly looked a little perturbed. "_This_ Wednesday?"

"That's right," Remus said.

"That doesn't give us much time, sir. Madame Malkin prides herself in the excellent quality and cut of her dress robes, and two days will not give us a proper amount of time to live up to her standards of quality."

"I was thinking more along the lines of a rental, than a custom robe."

"Oh," Holly said, reappraising Lupin, paying particular attention to the fraying ends on his trousers, and the small moth holes on the rolled up sleeves of his Oxford button down. Remus could feel himself blushing from the way he was now being examined. "Well, then, this way." She said, showing them to a small room in the back where second hand robes and those for rentals were kept. "Shall I have Madame Malkin come around to measure you, sir?"

"I think we'll be alright on our own, thanks, Holly." Remus said, starting his search through the various styles of dress robes. Holly left looking perturbed, muttering under her breath, "No commission on rentals, and in this economy…why even bother coming in at all…"

"What about this one?" Bill said holding up dark robes with a high collar. On further inspection the color was actual a dark plum, and the high collar wrapped around the neck, much like a Muggle vicar would wear.

"Perhaps something a bit more traditional?" Remus said. Moving through racks of clothing, Remus found a set that was long with formal lapels in a charcoal grey color. "What about these?"

Bill looked up and made a face. "You're trying to look more fashionable right?"

"Well, I'm not going for a Myron Wagtail look. Just something that I haven't owned since the Seventies."

"You still have the same clothes from when you were twenty, Remus?" Bill said with a look of disbelief.

"Just a jumper or two…" Remus said off handedly.

"Merlin's beard, it's a wonder how Tonks hasn't taken you shopping sooner!" he laughed.

"She tried once, but it didn't end very well."

"_Remus, come on, let me see."_

_Remus looked at himself in the mirror, pulling at the tight leather jacket he was wearing._

_He had been surprised she had asked _him_ to go shopping, and was even more surprised he agreed. Recently, Remus was starting to feel close with Tonks, and had wanted to spend more time with her, especially outside of Order meetings, or at least away from Sirius. So he was keen to agree to this excursion, even if it was to the overpriced shops in London. Sirius roared with laughter when Remus told him the proposed outing, even more so at the thought of Tonks dressing him. But now, Remus was starting to regret ever thinking this could be fun, even if he was spending more alone time with her. The dark wash jeans he had on felt like they were two sizes too small, and the artfully torn holes near the knees did nothing to alleviate the lack of circulation in his legs, his boxers punched awkwardly from being squeezed into so small a space. The only thing that he did like about the outfit was the plain white tee he had on underneath the jacket._

"_No, I don't think I will, Tonks," he called back from behind the fitting room door, tugging harder to get the jacket off._

"_Just let me take a peak. I promise, I won't laugh." She said, jiggling the handle on the door, which thankfully Remus locked._

"_Tonks, I'm practically out of it anyway, there will be nothing to see," he said pulling even harder on the sleeve of the jacket._

"_Remus," she said, her voice dangerously low, "don't make me magically unlock this door."_

"_With the Muggles around, you wouldn't dare," he said stunned._

"_Watch me," she said, and he knew better than to test her resolve. He quickly unlocked the door, but she had been pressed so close against it that when Remus opened it, she fell headlong into the room, crashing into his body. Both muttering awkward apologizes from being so physically close to the other, Remus helped her to her feet. She took a moment to stare at his outfit. The weakly suppressed smile on her face was all his lack of confidence needed._

"_I told you it was no good," he said turning away from her._

"_No, it's, well, it's…" she said, laughter in her voice. "Well, lets chalk it up to it's just not you. Sirius is gonna kill me if I don't try to take a photo..."_

"Needless to say I came out looking very much like Wagtail." Remus said, smiling.

Bill laughed. "Now that is something I would love to see."

"She tried taking pictures at Sirius' request, but I hid in the dressing room."

"How about this one?" Bill said, but Remus seriously hoped he was joking. It was made from dragon hide in a shade of the most violent green Remus had ever beheld.

"Uh, no, I don't think so." Remus said shaking his head.

"Alright, you know, just a suggestion." Bill said, grinning as he put away the robes. "Hold on, what about these?" Bill said, holding up a respectable looking robe of jet black, with silk lapels, tails, and a creamy white bowtie. The collar came higher than Remus was used to, but overall they seemed more like him than anything else in the store.

"I like them," Remus said, coming to inspect them further.

"A bit more traditional," Bill said. "But they're not ancient."

"Do you think she would approve?" he said.

"I think you'll cut a fine figure it in," Bill said laughing a little over Remus' anxiety over a something so trivial as dress robes.

"I just want everything to be perfect. It's bad enough we're not even telling her parents."

"Her parents don't approve?" Bill asked, walking with Remus up to the counter.

"Her father seems alright with it, our being together at least. But her mother is another matter entirely."

"She's a Black, what'd you expect?"

"Well, I would think she would be the one who would have been more understanding, having been persecuted by her own family for marrying a Muggleborn."

"Mothers can be a little over protective of their daughters. They will create any excuse for their little girls to remain just that: little girls. I mean, the way mum treats Ginny… Merlin help the bloke who asks for her hand in marriage. I don't think anyone short of the Minister for Magic or Harry Potter would be good enough for mum. Even Fleur's own mother protested _our_ marriage in the beginning because I wasn't French! I think Tonks' mum is just trying to find an excuse so that she doesn't have come to the realization that her daughter has grown up."

"It's a very valid excuse." Remus muttered. "Their only daughter is marrying a werewolf. Any sane mother or father would protest such a union."

"Well, there is not much they can do about it. If the two of you are determined to go through with it, then who are they to stop you? It's not like the two of you are underage and sneaking off without parental consent."

"Dora said something similar to me earlier. But I still feel bad. If my parents were still alive, I would want them more than anyone to witness my marriage."

"Well, then, go and present the situation to the parents with some of your thoughtful reasoning and they might just surprise you."

"I can only hope at this point." Remus sighed. He knew Tonks would never come along to tell her parents about the wedding; her stubborn streak would invariably win out. But he also knew that this was news that should not be delivered in owl post, but in person. So, Remus resigned himself that tomorrow, he would visit the Tonks' residence and let Andromeda and Ted know that he was going to make an honest woman out of their daughter.

His pockets considerably lighter after paying for the rental, which would be ready and tailored to his measurements by Wednesday morning, he and Bill decided to walk around Diagon Alley. Or what was left of it. Vacant stores on every street, shady dealings on every corner, this was not the enchanting commercial area Remus remembered. It felt eerie and dark; there was no longer the happy hum of chattering families on the streets, the loud rustling of people doing their shopping, vendors calling out the latest deals. It was subdued, and quiet. In fact, the only real noise was coming from the Weasley twins' joke shop, which thankfully was open and crowded. Declining a tour of the inside from Bill, saying he had too much to be getting on with in planning their wedding two days from now, Remus said goodbye to Bill and made his way back home.

Finally inside, feeling rather tired, he made his way into their bedroom. But he didn't lie down on the bed. He instead went straight to his sock drawer in the wardrobe where he pulled out a small square dark velvet box that held his mother's engagement ring and wedding band. It was one of her most beloved possessions. Even after he was bitten and the blame against his father had started to chip away at the regard she held for her husband, he never saw his mother take off her rings. It was a symbol of her fidelity, her never ending patience and love, despite her conscience mind telling her John was at fault for her son's condition.

The engagement ring was a beautiful piece of Goblin made jewelry from 1921 that had originally belonged to his father's mother. It had a platinum band with a graceful four pronged basket style head that held one of the most memorable diamonds Remus had ever seen. It wasn't that it was particularly big, but it was a square Asscher cut diamond, with three round diamonds on each side. The wedding band was a thin platinum band with tiny diamonds that encompassed it entirely. They were truly spectacular pieces, and certainly could have helped alleviate any financial worry for many years if they were sold. But he could never sell them. It wasn't because Remus felt he needed to save them for a moment like this, for his own wedding, for his future wife. Truth be told, he thought they would sit in their protective box until the day he died, never to sit on another Lupin woman's finger again. He had never sold them because they had belonged to his mother, and while the house had dissolved most of her memory from its walls, her ring was something that would always hold tight to her.

Remus was concerned it might be too flashy for Tonks' style. It was such a precious piece of his family history that he almost worried if she didn't like it, it would be like her rejecting a part of himself. Putting the wedding band safely into its box, he pocketed the engagement ring thinking he might present it to her later tonight. He put the box back into the drawer, leaving it there for safe keeping until Wednesday. Remus was feeling rather giddy at the prospect of his upcoming nuptials. He and Nymphadora had been practically living together as man and wife, so he wasn't concerned about that piece of it. In fact, if this morning was any indication, he was thrilled for what was to come. No, the part that really had him worried was the reaction the Ministry would have if, or when, they'd come to learn about it. He knew the Ministry legally had no control over who he could or could not wed, as there were no laws that prohibited the marriage of a werewolf to a non-werewolf. But Remus feared it would only be a matter of time. With the werewolf community under stricter control and intense scrutiny, and new laws to pass soon, Remus was worried what the reaction would be for Tonks while she was at work. Narrow-minded prejudices might make her marriage a nightmare from the backlash.

He also worried about what the reaction would be like within the werewolf community. Being on the outs with the pack, and knowing Greyback was seeking some kind of revenge for his 'betrayal', Remus was concerned, once again, for his future wife's safety. _Marriage_, Greyback preached, _is strictly a human constitution and there was no need for it among our kind. We are free to mate with whomever we choose_. Most werewolves had no need for the state of marriage, living and loving freely with anyone in the pack. But Remus felt he _needed_ to get married. He needed this further act of defiance to claim that there was still a part of his soul that was quintessentially human. He needed it to show everyone that he was a man, a man capable of loving a human woman so much so he would pledge his life to her, and she was willing to do the same. He wanted to do it for her, for the happiness and peace of mind it would give her. He wanted to do it for himself.

"Well, she's done it," Remus heard Nymphadora's voice from the hall later that night.

"Whose done what?" he asked.

"Dolores Umbridge." She said, and Remus' stomach lurked unexpectedly. "New laws just passed," she said, sitting down at the table with a huff.

"And?"

"Well, they're still bad, but not as bad as the ones proposed." She said, pulling out an official looking paper and reading it to him. " 'All registered werewolves are to report each month to the Ministry for inspection and incarceration during the height in the lunar cycle. Not complying with this will result in permanent imprisonment. Those who are unregistered are asked to willingly step forward and register themselves by 31 August. Those refusing to do so will be hunted down.' Which is just another excuse for those trigger happy morons at the Werewolf Capture Unit to kill people."

"Is that all?" Remus said, hearing no mention of branding.

"They've sent a list of the names of all those who are registered to all Ministry controlled public buildings, many popular wizarding shops, restaurants and pubs, like the Leaky Cauldron; so it will be up to shop owners whether or not to serve persons infected."

"Well, not quite as bad as it could have been."

"No, but it's still absurd, and I'm going to have something to say about it!"

"Dora, please, I appreciate the concern and the loyalty, but really. Things could get sticky for you at the Ministry if you start causing a fuss."

"What I don't understand," she said ignoring his protests, "is that the council wasn't even set to vote until next month, yet this passed right away."

"Things happen differently during a war." Remus said. "They won't wait to properly debate topics they feel are a matter of public safety."

"But they need to be debated! I mean, what if we want to go into London and have a drink at the Leaky Cauldron? Is Tom going to serve me and not you?"

"Tom's a good man, and I don't think he'll keep much store by the list."

"That's not the point, Remus, and you know it."

"Well, it makes sense, love. I mean we are at our most dangerous during full moons. Locking us up during that time might be a wise decision."

"It's cruel and has to violate so many different laws! You should be free to transform in the comfort of your own home, not in some cell like a criminal!"

"Sweetheart, you still don't understand," Remus said patiently. "If the Ministry brings in a manticore or a vampire and need to incarcerate them, they wouldn't have any more or less respect than when werewolves are brought it."

"But those are Dark Creatures," Tonks started.

"And what do you think werewolves are?" Remus said, even-tempered.

She was quiet for a moment, contemplating everything he was saying and implying. She looked stubborn as she said, "I'm still having a word with Scrimgeour. He needs to know about the injustice going on under his nose."

"Nymphadora-"

"Nope. I've made up my mind about it. Nothing you can do or say to change it." She said, crossing her arms in front of her chest indicating the matter closed. "So, on a happier note, Mad-Eye and Kingsley are in for Wednesday."

"So are Molly, Arthur and Bill. Molly is very insistent on planning the reception."

"I'm not even sure I really want a reception anymore." Tonks said. "Let's just get married and go to the sea and not have to deal with anymore politics or unjust laws or anything that is going to stop us from living our lives."

"Well, I don't know for how long we'll be able to escape all of that," Remus said. "It has a way of following you everywhere you go."

"Plus, Mad-Eye actually did jinx me when I asked him for a week off." Tonks said. "I have to be back at work on Monday, according to that barmy jumped up git."

"Well, it probably would be best not to be away for so long. Things happen so rapidly these days, we wouldn't want to be sunbathing while the Minister for Magic is killed, or something equally horrible." Remus hesitated before adding, "And, you know, I think we should tell your parents."

"What? Why? I'm not bothered, Remus, really, because I know exactly what they'll say."

"They're your parents, Dora, they should at least know what's going on in your life. Especially when it concerns something as important as marriage."

"Remus, it's going to be more shouting, more tears, and it's not worth the headache. I love you, that's the only thing they need to know."

Remus sighed. "Dora, you may not want your parents there now, but in a year, or ten, you will regret that your mother and father weren't there that day."

"Remus, trust me. If they can't accept you- if they can't accept _us_- then they have no business being apart of my life."

"Dora-"

"No, I'm done talking about this." She sighed, looking tired, rubbing her eyes. "It's been a really rough couple of days and all I want to do right now is get a shower and go to bed, not argue."

She gave him a small kiss on the cheek before heading upstairs. Remus knew she was being stubborn, but also knew that she would come to regret the fact her parents wouldn't be at their wedding. He wished, more than anything, his mother and father could be here to see him marry such a wonderful woman. But they were gone.

He wondered if his mother would approve of Tonks, approve of her crazy hair colors, her fashion sense, her less than graceful way of walking. His mother, the epitome of a proper 1960s English housewife, was certainly nothing like the woman he was about to marry. But he knew his mum simply would have been happy her son was even getting married, something so normal, so human, something she was sure would never happen. Nor did he. But here he was, sitting at the table in the home they shared, going over places to spend their honeymoon. He had just decided that Woolacombe Beach would be perfect when he heard Tonks scream from upstairs. Running as fast he could, taking the stairs two at a time, he rushed into their bedroom to find Tonks' naked form, blood dripping from her head, as she was trying to push herself off the bathroom floor.

"Nymphadora, are you all right?" he said, rushing in the bathroom to help her up.

"Fine, fine," she said, waving her hand to show it was of no consequence. She pushed her wet hair and blood out of her face. "Oh, bloody hell," she said looking at the blood on her hand. "Is it bad?"

Remus examined the cut on her forehead. "It's not deep." He said, blotting it with a washcloth. "What happened?"

"Tripped on the bleeding lip of the tub," she said. "I'm so miserably clumsy."

"You scared the life out of me! I don't think I've ever heard you scream like that before."

"Well, there was also a spider in the shower which was the reason for my hasty departure and lack of coordination."

"You screamed like that over a spider?" Remus said, and he almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. She could marry a werewolf, but a finding a spider in the shower made her scream? She certainly was full of surprises.

"Not normally," she said defensively. "See, I went to turn the water off and when I turned around to move the shower curtain and get out, there it was! Totally out of nowhere. It took me by surprise is all."

"Are you sure you're all right? You look a little pale." Remus said, examining her face further, checking her pupils in case she hit her head harder than she figured.

"I'm fine," she said, picking herself up off the ground. Wrapping herself in a towel she looked down at Remus who was still on the floor.

"What's the matter?" she asked, looking concerned, joining him on the smooth stone floor.

"Are we doing the right thing?" Remus said.

"About what?"

"Getting married," Remus said.

"Oh no. Remus, don't you start this again," she said seriously. "Do you want to marry me?"

"Yes, but-"

"And I want to marry you. End of story."

"Will the Ministry say something to you when they find out? I mean, I am registered. It wouldn't be that hard for people to put two and two together."

"I don't have to tell them. I can publically keep my surname name if you're so concerned."

"You work with Aurors. Someone is bound to notice you wearing a brand new ring on your finger that wasn't there before."

"Then I can take if off before I go into the office. Remus, you're just creating more excuses because you're scared."

"I am not," he said defensively. "What would I have to be scared about?"

"What are you _not_ scared about?" she laughed. "You're scared of people finding out and what people might do to us if they disapprove. You're scared that I'm going to be sacked over marrying you. You're scared that I may come to regret my decision of ever falling in love with you. Remus, I may be impulsive and sometimes shortsighted when it comes to larger life matters, but I'm no fool, and I know what I want. Even if the Ministry has a giant fit over our nuptials and bans me from ever working in the Department, I won't care; because I'll have the one thing in this world that matters to me the most. You."

"Truly?" Remus asked. "Even if it means you would never again be an Auror?"

"Even if they snap my wand in two and spit in my face. I'm sure as hell gonna be angry and may throw a few punches, but I'll be happy so long as I have you to come home to. I'll never regret that." She kissed him. "You know, you look like such a little boy when you're concerned like this, it's quite adorable."

"And you look adorable with your hair all wet and disheveled." He said, ruffling it further.

"So, then, we'll be adorable together, living out in the middle of nowhere, perfectly content with just being with one another." She said. "You have to know how excited I am about this."

"I am too, love," Remus said, kissing her lightly on her wet lips. Something hard was poking him in the pocket of his trousers, and he suddenly remembered his mother's engagement ring. "Dora," he said, putting a hand in his pocket. "You have been the one guiding light in my life. No matter how much I am worried, or how much I may be scared, you have been there to show me how ridiculous I am."

"You're not ridiculous, just overly protective," she said.

"Well, I try to protect those who matter most to me. It's how I show just how much I love them." He brought the hand out from his pocket, presenting the diamond ring. "This was my mother's." He said, gently taking Tonks' left hand, sliding the ring on her finger. Tonks was speechless, her mouth slightly agape, her eyes wide. Remus continued, holding onto her slightly trembling hand. "She never wavered in her love for my father, despite everything. I knew she still loved him, because this ring never left her finger. I am giving my whole heart to you, Nymphadora, every part of it, the good and the bad. And I may worry, and it may seem that I waver in my affection because I get scared and voice my concerns, but just know, that as long as this ring is on your finger, I will never falter in my love for you. I love you with all that I have, and my life would never be complete without you in it. Our wedding may be rushed, but our love has grown slowly, with care. And even in our year apart, you were never far from my thoughts, and never did I want any other. Only you."

Tears had formed in her eyes, which darted between his eyes and the ring on her finger.

"I love you," she said, her left hand now cupped his face.

"I love you more," he said.

"Impossible," she said, giving him a watery kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>an:** the wedding of the year is coming, it might not be a grand affair, nor have a lot of people to stand witness, but it will be between to people who love each other beyond all reasoning. Too bad the parents won't partake, or will they? The Ministry doesn't have any qualms with werewolves marrying, or do they? Greyback doesn't approve of marriage, or does he? have i peaked your interest yet? more drama and fluff galore is coming soon, ye have been warned. ;)

What did you think of jk rowlings announcement about pottermore? Personally, I think it sounds wicked awesome, and I don't know how I'll be able to wait until October!

A **BIG** THANK YOU to everyone who has left a comment for this story! It really helps me to get the chapters flowing knowing I have an audience who likes to read it. Much love to everyone! I have made a commitment to myself to post a chapter a week, maybe more if i'm really ambitious, but i'd like to post something every sunday, so don't change that channel to stay tuned for more!

If you haven't yet, or would like to be even more incredible and respond again, click the button below and leave a comment! I appreciate all kinds!


	9. Come What May

**a/n: **i humbly play with these two characters from the harry potter universe with love and affection, but they are the property of jk rowling and warner brothers. no copyright infringement is intended. **M** rating for adult situations (a rather kinky scene toward the end), language, and mild violence. i know i wanted to get this out on Sunday, but i completely forgot about the holiday weekend which took up much of my time. so here it is, a day late, an extra long chapter (originally intended as two) that I hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Come What May<strong>

The next morning Tonks made a vague promise that she might join him going over to her parents' home, so long as the sole topic of conversation was to discuss using their location as a safe house on the night of the 27th. Remus considered this to be Tonks' blessing and so sent along a message with Wagtail asking if he and Nymphadora might come over to their house to discuss Order matters.

Over his morning cup of coffee and eggs on toast, Remus was disturbed to see an advertisement in the _Daily Prophet_ for a soon to be published novel by Rita Skeeter entitled _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_.

"What the-" he said aloud, nearly dropping eggs into his lap. Reading the full-page advertisement, the book promised to be full of exclusive, never-before-released-to-the-public information about Dumbledore, details so private Dumbledore had them hidden from everyone; as it would alter his public persona irrevocably. _Can't they leave the poor man alone_, Remus thought sadly bypassing the exclusive excerpt, which promised shock and suspense. He didn't need to read any rubbish Rita Skeeter had written about Dumbledore. And besides, even if Skeeter had irrefutable evidence Dumbledore was a Death Eater, Remus did not think it would change the way he felt about the man. Dumbledore had given him an opportunity he would treasure for the rest of his life, allowing him to attend, and then teach, at Hogwarts. He had helped Remus gain perspective on life and what it truly meant to be human. But above all, he gave Remus hope. Hope that days like tomorrow, his wedding day were possible, even for a werewolf. Remus continued reading the paper and found a little blurb near the back page about the new werewolf legislation passing and the requirements all registered creatures were asked to do.

_Now how does the Ministry expect even the few complacent unregistered to know about the passage when the article was smaller than the advertisement for Rita Skeeter's horrid novel?_ He thought bitterly. No doubt they didn't bother themselves in getting the word out so the Werewolf Capture Unit had the legality to hunt down and kill more people.

Putting the paper aside, he got up to clean his dishes but was interrupted by a large eagle owl, the breed typically used by the Ministry. Taking the letter from the owl's beak he saw the envelope was address to "Creature 4208, Wiltshire". He sighed watching the owl ruffle its feathers proudly before taking off through the open window. He debated whether or not to open it, but decided he might as well read it in case it told him some new piece of information.

_To Creature 4208,_

_In accordance with new legislation, as a registered werewolf you are to report to the Main Atrium in the Ministry of Magic at 16:00 on 20 July where you will remain in the custody of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures for the duration of the apex in the lunar cycle. Your wand will be taken from you during this time to ensure our staff will not be in any unnecessary danger. It will be returned to you following your release at 9:00 the next morning should your behavior not warrant its permanent seizure._

_Failure to comply with this will result in permanent incarceration and/or death._

_We are also asking that if you know any unregistered werewolves to ask them to willingly turn themselves in for registration. If they refuse, we ask that you turn in their names and locations so they may be compliant with the new laws. A monetary reward will be given following the capture of the named individual(s). Please note that failure to report creature status for those unregistered and later caught will result in permanent incarceration and/or death._

_Included is a list of the dates of the full moons for the entirety of the year. You are expected to report on each of these dates at 16:00 in the Main Atrium. Failure to do so will result in permanent incarceration and/or death._

_Cordially,_

_Pius Thicknesse, Head of Magical Law Enforcement_

Remus crumpled up the letter. As angry as he was with the Ministry, as angry as he was with Dolores Umbridge for further setting back werewolf rights another two hundred years, Remus felt a little relieved. He no longer had to worry about Nymphadora being home when he was transforming. No longer would she have to listen to his screaming only to find him bloodied and broken the next morning. He would be safe away from her, and for that, he was glad. It didn't excuse the absurdity of it all, because werewolves who were registered typically had been dealing with their condition for some time and knew how to be careful. It was the feral, unregistered that the Ministry really needed to worry about, none more so than Fenrir Greyback and his growing legions. Greyback's sole purpose for the underground movement was to infect and gather as many lycanthropes in the hope of creating an army in which to over power the magical community. They could vastly decrease the number of those infected if the WCU would take Greyback down. But he knew it might be near impossible, even if they had the entire Unit on the hunt because Greyback now had the protection of Voldemort, who had still eluded Ministry capture for decades.

Remus wondered how many would comply with this new law, and how exactly the Ministry was going to take care of so many lethal werewolves all at once. He also wondered whether the Ministry might be giving them Wolfsbane to calm them during their detention. There was nothing the wolf hated more than being confined when it wanted to run and hunt.

By that afternoon, Andromeda had written back that he and Nymphadora were more than welcome to come over, and they should join them for supper that evening. He sent Tonks a Patronus message to let her know, to which she responded with her own wolf Patronus that simply said, _"Fine."_

Remus spent a good part of the morning and afternoon finalizing everything on the list, including making a reservation for a hotel for their honeymoon, using the telephone down in the Muggle village to do so. He popped over to the Burrow to ask Molly a few more questions, but more importantly, to make sure that she wasn't going overboard.

"Remus, dear, this is good preparation for me for Bill's wedding and really, it's no trouble."

"Molly, Nymphadora and I appreciate everything you are doing for us. But there is no need to put yourself out."

"I'm not!" she said, her cheeks pink from being front of a warm stove, her red hair frizzy and wild.

"Molly," Remus said seriously.

"Dear, honestly, this is nothing more than cooking for the entire Order when they come here for meetings, in fact, it's easier because there won't be as many people! Truly, I'm not putting myself out. Having seven hungry children has taught me a thing or two about preparing a meal for a crowd. Now, have you ordered the flowers yet? And what are you doing about your hair?"

Remus left the Burrow later that afternoon; his stomach quite full, his arms laded with treats, specific instructions on a proper hair cutting charm, and overall was feeling rather sleepy. He went back to the cottage for a kip before making his way into London to order the flowers from local vendors in the magical community. He could not think of a time he had done so much Apparating in one day. Tonks came home around five to get changed for supper, not looking pleased with the entire situation.

"We're not saying anything, alright?" she said from the bathroom, fixing her makeup.

"Dora, they're your parents, they have a right to know."

"I'm an adult, Remus, my life is my own. I don't need their permission anymore."

Remus gave her a pointed look adding, "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. The least we can do is give them a little common courtesy."

"So you really want my mum shooting hexes at you? It's not worth it and I'm done talking about it." She walked briskly out of the bathroom, changing out of the top she had on, searching through the closet for another one. Despite her mild irritation over the whole situation, Remus noticed she was making an effort in her appearance, wearing a nice pair of dark trousers, and her hair a more subdued shade of dark red pulled back in a low ponytail. Remus knew that even though she was angry over her mother's ignorance, Tonks cared about her family's opinion.

He also noticed something was missing. "Dora, you're not wearing your ring." Remus said, pointing to the absent accessory on her finger.

"Don't worry, I didn't lose it," she said, rummaging through the side table next to the bed pulling it out. "I'd didn't want to risk it at work. We're trying to be low profile remember? Plus, we don't want mum and dad catching wise. I think even as gormless as my father can be, he would notice something this sparkly on my finger."

"Alright," Remus said, and he realized he was feeling a bit hurt by her not wearing his ring.

"It's not that I don't want to wear it!" she said quickly, seeing his downcast face. "Believe me, it took everything I had today _not_ to wear it and show it off to all of my coworkers. I mean it's absolutely brilliant. And the fact it belonged to your mother means so much more to me than anything else." She looked down at the ring for a moment and decided to wear it on her right hand, twisting it around so only the platinum band was visible. "There," she said, holding out her hand to appreciate it better. "Now I can wear it always without people catching wise," she said, giving him a quick kiss to relieve some of his anxiety.

As they Apparated promptly at six, Remus found he was even more anxious about this visit than the last, muttering that perhaps they should have brought a dish or something for their hosts. Tonks simply rolled her eyes over his unnecessary worry opening the front door and announcing their arrival.

"Dora!" Ted Tonks said jovially greeting them in the entryway, hugging his daughter with enthusiasm. "And Remus," he said. Remus held out his hand for Ted to shake, but was pulled instead into a large hug.

"What did I tell you son? No formalities here!"

"Hello, Ted," Remus said smiling, his ribs hurting from the man's bear like hug.

"Andromeda is in the back, cooking up to her elbows," Ted said, rolling his eyes. "I told her, why all the fuss? They're just coming for a friendly chat and some Order gen. But you know your mother. You'd think we was about to have the Minister for Magic here at any moment."

"I noticed she wangled you into a tie," Tonks said pointing to her father's oddly pattern paisley tie under his work robes.

"To be honest, I was about to take it off," he said, loosening his collar and the knot on the tie. "Came home later than usual from the office, so I haven't had a chance to change yet."

"I'd leave your trousers on unless you want mum to have your head," Tonks warned him with a smile.

"Yeah," Ted said disappointed in having to remain so fully clothed.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda said coming down the hall. "Why, don't you look lovely tonight? Is this a new top?"

"Hi, mum," Tonks said, kissing her mother on the cheek. "Nah, it's been sitting in the back of my closet for ages."

"Well, it looks much nicer on you than those awful t-shirts. Finally we can see your figure." Andromeda seemed to be in better spirits than last they met as she said, "Remus, I was so pleased to receive your owl today."

"I'm glad. It was nice of you to invite us over for dinner." Remus said.

"Any time, any time," she said happily. He wasn't quite sure if she was being sincere or not. Perhaps after their last encounter she was finally warming up to the idea their relationship. It had been nearly three weeks. "Ted, did you put the drinks out in the sitting room?" she asked her husband.

"Sure did," he said, rubbing his hands together. "Just got a brand new bottle of bourbon from one of my clients. Moved here from the States. Raves about the stuff so I thought we might give it a go tonight." Andromeda graciously showed them all into the sitting room, where indeed, four glasses were sitting out for all of them. "I also might whip up some cocktails if the bourbon doesn't go over. Got some great vermouth from a chap I know down in Italy, gets it to me dead cheap. Wonderful stuff, not too dry or too sweet." Ted said, generously pouring each of them a glass of the dark amber liquid.

"Cheers, everyone," he said raising his own glass. "To…"

"To new beginnings," Andromeda said.

"Oh, I like that," Ted said, and the four of them clinked their glasses together before taking a large gulp. The coughing that ensued was second only to an outbreak of Dragon Pox. The liquor was terribly strong, and burned horribly going down. It wasn't smooth like the Scotch Remus remembered having, nor was it like other whiskies he had tried. Personally, Remus found it repulsive. He had never been a heavy drinker, preferring just a simple pint to anything else, so hard liquor like this was rather disgusting.

"Wow," Ted said breathlessly, his voice hoarse. "That'll be sure to put hair on your chest," he said looking at his glass with renewed appreciation.

"Dad, who is this bloke?" Tonks said making a face putting down her glass and reaching for the water.

"American," Ted said with a wink, tentatively taking a much smaller sip to try it again. He smiled. "Sure packs a punch, don't it?"

"Ted, darling," Andromeda said, clutching at her chest. "If you're going to stick with his stuff, why don't you mix up some cocktails for the rest of us? Maybe some old fashions?"

"Love to," Ted said before heading back to his private study where the best alcohol was kept.

"I don't know what your father is thinking some days," Andromeda said handing Remus a glass of water, before pouring herself a glass.

"He means well, mum," Tonks said gulping down water quickly to remove the lingering taste from her mouth.

"He can just be so silly," she said shaking her head. "It's going to get him in trouble one of these days. I wake up every morning thanking Merlin his clients have put up with him for as long as they have and I don't have to go back to work full time at St. Mungos."

"What do you do at St. Mungos?" Remus asked politely, his own voice still a little hoarse from drinking the harsh liquor.

"I'm working part time now, with children mostly, no floor specifically, though lately it's mostly been with Spell Damage."

"Mum is a brilliant Healer," Tonks said proudly.

"I have to be, with all the accidents you wind up in." She said good-naturedly, looking over her daughter. "You really do look nice tonight, sweetheart. But I still don't know about your hair."

"Drop it, mum," Tonks said warningly.

"But you have such pretty hair! I don't know why you don't wear it naturally more often. Isn't her natural hair color nice, Remus?"

Remus took another sip of water looking between Tonks, who was giving him a death glare, and Andromeda, who was looking expectantly at him to agree. He said magnanimously, "Dora looks beautiful no matter what her hair color is."

"This is why I love with you," Tonks said leaning in to kiss his startled mouth.

"Well, she is beautiful. Has those large Black family eyes," Andromeda said lovingly. "Our cousin Sirius had the most intense eyes out of the lot of us. It was the one thing that ever made his mother proud. But you know what he was like, willful and stubborn, another Black family trait I think." She chuckled to herself, before looking a little crestfallen. "Regulus took after Uncle Orion more than anyone; quiet, determined, but always bending his will to whatever Aunt Walburga asked of him." She took another sip of water before adding, "It's sad to see Cissy didn't pass the trait onto her own son, although I've only ever seen a clipping of him in the _Daily Prophet _when his father was arrested_._ Today is her birthday, you know." Andromeda looked almost wistful. Remus wondered what life had been like for her growing up in that house. She clearly had been close with her sister Narcissa, but Bellatrix, always the defiant one, probably was never close to anyone.

"Mum, are you alright?" Tonks said looking carefully at her mother.

"What, dear?" she asked, looking a little startled seeing them all sitting there, as though she had forgotten where she was. "Fine, fine," she said waving her hand. "Just babbling. You'll have to excuse me, Remus, I'm getting a bit dotty in my old age."

"Mum if you're in your old age then Mad-Eye is a reanimated fossil." Tonks said.

"That's kind of you, dear," said Andromeda, a far away look in her eyes indicated that she clearly was not listening. "I'm going to check on the roast. Tell your father to bring the drinks into the dining room. Supper is nearly ready." Andromeda excused herself and Remus watched her head back into the kitchen, the swigging door revealing her dabbing gently at her eyes.

"Is she alright?" Remus asked looking over to Tonks.

"I'm not rightly sure." She said, looking after her mother, worry blatant on her face. "She can get like this sometimes when she remembers her family or if something significant had happened on certain days. They meant a lot to her."

"The Blacks were always a very tight knit group."

"Yeah, but they were also nutters, weren't they? One imperfection and they were blasted off the family tree. Are you sure you want to be marrying into this mess?"

"Dora, I think there is more to a family than a few-"

"Or most-" Tonks muttered.

"Of its members being, well, a bit unsavory. I think it comes down to nature versus nurture."

"Always the diplomatic one. It's funny; mum has been sending unanswered correspondence to Narcissa ever since Draco was born. But it always comes back to her unopened. No doubt she's upset because she sent her something today for her birthday and it came back."

"Why does she even bother trying anymore?" Remus asked. "Especially now when it could implicate linking her with the Malfoys?"

Tonks shrugged getting up to lead Remus into the dining room.

"From what little she's told me about her childhood, she and Narcissa used to be pretty close. I think you'd have to, having Bellatrix as an older sister, strength in numbers, you know? Anyway, after mum told her parents about marrying dad they kicked her out, well more like blasted her out as dear old Auntie Walburga was over that night, and never spoke to them again. But Narcissa went to see her shortly afterwards to give her the entirety of mum's part of the inheritance before it could be divided between the two remaining daughters. After that, she and Narcissa would sometimes secretly see each other, once or twice a year. But that was before she married that Malfoy bloke. There is a picture of me somewhere as a toddler with Narcissa at the London Zoo. Come to think of it, she might be my godmother."

"You're joking," he said, pulling out a chair for her to sit down.

"I wish I was. But mum knows better than to have me take up at Malfoy Manor should something happen to her and dad. I'd sooner eat my own foot."

Ted Tonks walked into the dining room carrying a tray with a pitcher of old fashions and three glasses.

"You're not sticking with that swill, are you?" Tonks said incredulously seeing only three glasses on the tray.

"I'm fascinated by it." Ted said, pouring them all a glass. "Nothing like I've tasted before. Reminds me of the cheap shit I'd nick from my father's desk drawer when I was younger. This, however," he said handing Remus a glass, "is much better."

"Dad's specialty," Tonks said taking a sip from her own glass smiling. Remus took a tentative sip from his own glass. It certainly tasted miles better than the bourbon, but in typical Ted Tonks fashion, it was rather strong.

"Ted!" Andromeda called from the kitchen. "Come in here and help me with the roast!"

"Coming, dear!" he called back to her, bouncing his way into the kitchen.

"I hate admitting this, but you might be right about telling mum and dad," Tonks said looking thoughtful. "It would break mum's heart not knowing I'd gotten married."

"I think you're right," Remus said, glad that she was finally seeing his point.

"I mean, if she gets like that over a sister who hasn't spoken to her in nearly twenty years, I'd be really concerned how she would act, finding out I got married without telling her."

"She only wants what's best for you," Remus said, "and all things considered, she seems in better spirits about having me over."

"She does, doesn't she? Well, let's just get her drunk in case she's within reach of her wand when we tell her."

"Agreed." Remus said laughing.

Ted Tonks wasn't joking when he said Andromeda had made them a four-course meal. But everything was excellent: the food, the company, the drink. By the end of it all, Remus was feeling quite at home, happily eating his slice of pineapple upside down cake, watching the interactions of the three family members, who were reminiscing over embarrassing stories from when Tonks was a child.

"She had leaned so far over to lick the batter in the mixer, she wound up getting her hair caught!" Ted roared with laughter. "My mum came in, all in a panic, because Dora couldn't turn the mixer off herself so her head was so far into the bowl she was nearly made part of the batter!"

"I just wanted a taste! My hair was so tangled up, Gran had to cut it out, all the way up to my ear! I cried so hard because I had only just worked out how to grow and shrink my hair but I still hadn't mastered it."

"We came back the next day," Andromeda said, her cheeks pinks with alcohol and laughter. "And Nymphadora was sitting, slumped in the chair in the sitting room, arms folded over her chest, pouting." Andromeda gave a rather good imitation of how Nymphadora looked when she was frustrated and upset.

"I was so mad at Gran! I didn't talk to her for nearly a week after that!" Tonks said. "You weren't please either, if you remember, mum. You ended up cutting my hair so it would all be evenly matched. I cried and cried. I didn't like short hair in those days, preferred the long flowing locks I'd seen the cartoon princesses have on dad's Muggle television."

"Things certainly do change," Remus said thinking of the short spiky cut she sported so often.

"They certainly do," Ted said, patting his large stomach. "Excellent nosh, sweetheart."

"Yes, once again, everything was lovely, Andromeda." Remus said. "Can I help clean up?"

"No, no, it's alright," Andromeda said waving her wand as the dishes made an awkward path through the swinging door into the kitchen. "I'm just going to leave those for tomorrow morning. Let them have a soak."

"So, down to business." Ted said, looking uncharacteristically serious. "What exactly does the Order need from us?"

Remus looked to Tonks who nodded her head, indicating he could reveal the plan to her mother and father. "Well, I don't need to tell you both this, but what we are about to tell you is top secret information and you cannot breathe a word of it to anyone."

"Naturally," said Andromeda.

"The Order wants to move Harry Potter, for his protection, to Headquarters. Currently, he is living with his Muggle aunt and uncle who have shown very little affection for the boy and in all candor, could not care less if he lived or died." Remus said sadly.

"And as an underage wizard, he cannot properly defend himself should an attack happen on the house." Tonks said.

"He has been given every means of protection the Order and the Ministry can offer, but we'd feel better having him close at hand to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't do anything too rash." Remus said.

"Has a bit of an adventurous streak in him, does he?" Ted said grinning.

"Well, he's very much like his father. Can't stand the idea of sitting idly by while others fight his battles for him." Remus said. "He'd rather go out and fight Voldemort"-Ted and Andromeda winced- "than to sit at the Burrow and wait for the start of term. Though, I don't think he is planning on going back to school, but that's another matter entirely."

"So the Order has decided to move Harry before he comes of age," Tonks continued, "on the night of the 27th."

"Now the idea is that, should the Death Eaters or Voldemort know we are moving him on that date, which is unlikely as they only know of the original plan to move him on the night of the 30th, they won't be able to tell which Harry is the real Harry."

"We're going to decoy a few members with Polyjuice Potion to look like Harry, and then each Harry will have an older member of the Order protect them as we fly to different safe locations before traveling by Portkey to the Burrow." Tonks said.

"Sounds rather complicated for simply moving the boy from one house to another." Andromeda said.

"Mum, this is Harry Potter we're talking about. He's not just some ordinary kid." Tonks said.

"I know, but why not just use side along Apparation, or any number of other means to move him?" Andromeda asked.

"Because, we are afraid of spies within the Ministry." Tonks said seriously. "We have intelligence to suggest that they are monitoring the Floo Network or Portkeys from his relative's house. And Harry still has the trace on him, so it would be easy enough to tip off You-Know-Who about his location."

"And what does all this have to do with us?" Ted asked.

"Well, I sort of gave the Order permission to use your house…" Tonks said.

"Brilliant!" Ted said while his wife looked daggers at her daughter.

"You gave away our location to the Order?" Andromeda said. "If someone should let that leak... It's the one thing keeping us from having your aunt knowing where we live! Merlin only knows what Bella would do with that kind of information."

"It's all going to be perfectly safe!" Tonks said, trying to pacify her mother. "Aurors will be going around the day before putting up protective enchantments, so no one can Apparate or Disapparate from inside the house or within a perimeter around the property. No one can approach the house who is deemed a threat to you or our family. It also means you'll have to walk outside the protective areas in order to Apparate yourselves."

"No problem then, Drom," Ted said. "Should Bella find out where we live, she won't be able to come near us. We'll be totally safe."

"Hmm," Andromeda said, pursing her lips, looking annoyed but did not press the issue further.

"So, where is the real Harry headed to?" Ted asked.

"Well, dad, here is where things get a little exciting. I spoke with Mad-Eye and he agrees that, your house, if you and mum agree to our using it, would be the safest for Harry, the real Harry, to travel to."

"Really?" Ted said, his eyes wide with excitement.

"Because not many people know that you both live out here, and because you have still have such close ties to the Muggle community, it would be the last place the Death Eaters would come looking for him. Plus, you both are not technically members of the Order, nor have you been publically involved with any Order or Ministry activities involving Harry, so I don't think you'd even be a blip on their radar."

"Makes sense." Ted said. This was all news to Remus, who had not been at the meeting when this part of the mission had been planned. He had been recovering from a full moon.

"So, Harry will be flying in with…well, he'll probably be with one of the Aurors?" Tonks said looking at Remus to confirm this. "Probably with Mad-Eye?"

"Don't look at me, I wasn't at the meeting when all this was discussed."

"Well, we haven't assigned partners just yet, but we'll let you know who else to look out for. But they'll be flying in on a broom, and will be the only ones allowed through the barriers around the house, so it will all be extremely safe. And besides, the Death Eaters think we're moving him on night of the 30th, so this is all just an extreme precautionary measure in the slim chance they know about the real date."

"Sounds easy enough, we just sit around and wait for Harry Potter to show up on our doorstep. Blimey, Harry Potter in my house, did you think you'd see the day, Drom?"

Andromeda was silent, looking off into the distance, thoughtful, though clearly not paying attention to the conservation.

"Brilliant," Remus said slowly, looking from Ted, his face alight with excitement, to Andromeda looking stoic and removed. "Well, like Nymphadora said, it will be perfectly safe and you'll be providing a great service for the Order."

"Of course, of course, anything to help. I've been telling Dora for ages how much I've wanted to join. You wouldn't know it now, but I was quite the dueler back in my day at Hogwarts."

"Dad," Tonks said. "One round against Nigel Bennett in the Hufflepuff common room does not a champion dueler make."

"A man can dream, Dora," Ted said, looking melodramatically affronted by his daughter's lack of faith. "So, was there anything else?"

Tonks looked to Remus, hesitating and he knew what she was thinking about. It was now or never. "Well, there was one more thing," Remus began. "I know that both of you have your doubts or reservations about our relationship, and rightly so. You both have been more than kind to me, welcoming me into your home as you have. And I would like to tell you both, how much I am completely in love with your daughter."

"We can see that, son." Ted said looking between Remus and Tonks. "Doesn't take eyes to see how much you care for our Dora."

"Well, it in that vein," he hesitated before saying in a rush, "I've asked her to be my wife."

The table was silent.

"And I said yes!" Tonks said happily switching her engagement ring from her right hand to her left, showing it to the table. "Surprise! Although, it was more like I asked him to marry me and he had to think about it and then said he would and then later asked me to be his wife."

The table remained stubbornly silent. Tonks' smile faded a little from her face.

"Anyway," Remus continued. "We wanted to let you know that because of the unstable climate-"

"And our deep love for one another-" Tonks interjected.

"We wanted to be married right away." Remus finished.

"Right away, meaning tomorrow night," Tonks said.

Silence.

Remus and Tonks looked at one another, not knowing what else to say. Andromeda was still staring off into space, playing with the edge of her glass, Ted, his brow furrowed, looking resolute.

"Dad, say something." Tonks said, stretching out her hand to touch her father's arm.

"Did you get my daughter pregnant?" Ted said seriously, his eyes bearing into Remus.

"What?" Remus and Tonks said together. "Dad!" Tonks said, smiling nervously not knowing if her father was joking or not.

"Answer the question," Ted said, his voice low and grim, giving Remus a death glare.

"No, sir," he spat out. He could feel himself trembling.

Ted stared hard into Remus' eyes, as though he was using Legilimency to see if he was lying. Remus stared back, daring not to blink, very much like staring down a Hippogriff. Then, he saw one of Ted's furrowed eyebrows twitch, a smile creeping slowly across his face. Then he burst out laughing, loud and raucous, which compared to the recent silence seemed magically magnified to make the whole room shake.

"The look on both your faces!" Ted laughed. "Where's a camera when you need it?"

"Dad!" Tonks said, playfully punching him in the arm. "That wasn't funny!"

"Oh come on, Dora, you have to admit, that was pretty good." Ted said, his cheeks red and rosy once more. "But in all seriousness, tomorrow? Thanks for the warning, kiddo."

"Well, we only decided yesterday to do it. It's not like we've been planning it for months." Tonks said, the overwhelming relief making her sit back in her chair, relaxed once more. Remus still sat frozen in his chair, not quite believing the terror he had just felt. He didn't think he had ever felt that scared; and he had lived in an underground pack of feral werewolves.

"Toldja, didn't I?" Ted said, tapping his nose knowingly. "I told you she'd wangle you into a marriage soon enough."

"You're okay with it? I know you told us to wait…" Remus said looking over to Andromeda, who looked as though someone had just stunned her.

"I think it's brilliant," Ted said, clasping tightly onto Tonks hand, looking just as pleased as his daughter. "Your mum and I had a bit of a rushed wedding ourselves, in part because of her family, but more so because we didn't exactly wait until our wedding night to start planning for kids." He said winking.

"Dad…" Tonks said looking embarrassed. Clearly, Ted and Andromeda's hurried wedding was due in part to Nymphadora's untimely arrival. No wonder Ted had asked, in mock seriousness or not, if Tonks was pregnant.

"Andromeda?" Remus asked tentatively.

Andromeda was slow to come out of her reverie but said quietly, her voice dangerously low, "I'd like both of you to leave."

"Drom, we've been over this," Ted said looking impatiently at his wife.

"And I told you I'm not okay with this." Andromeda said looking fiercely at her husband. "Our daughter is about to runaway with a werewolf, Ted! This isn't right and you know it!"

"Mum!" Tonks said. "Come on now, this is ridiculous!"

"Dromeda, they're two kids in love, much like we were once," Ted said.

"But you're not a dark creature, Ted," Andromeda said, her voice full of venom. "I've seen what _their_ kind can do, watched children being brought in mangled, half dead. He'd eat his young!"

"MUM!" Tonks said, getting to her feet. Remus took slow meaningful breaths as he felt his temper rising. These were exactly the stereotypes Remus always dreaded and hoped to avoid.

"I don't know where you get your information," Tonks said, also starting to breathe heavily, "but as a Healer you should know better, and as a mother, I would have hoped you'd be more supportive. Remus has never, nor would he ever, do anything like that to anyone! Child or adult. He takes every precaution-"

"And what of our grandchildren?" Andromeda asked, getting from her chair as well, facing off with her daughter. "What happens to them if their father gets loose? What if they become infected?"

"Who said anything about children, mum? That's not even a thought we've had! I mean, for Merlin's sake, we're in the middle of a war, if you haven't noticed!"

"Fine, but what happens to your job at the Ministry? I read the _Prophet_ this morning, I saw they just passed a new series of restrictions against _his_ kind!"

"Andromeda, as part of the new laws I'll be at the Ministry during my most dangerous time. Nymphadora will be _safe_." Remus said slowly and deliberately.

"You think the Ministry will allow one of their newest recruits to the Auror department to marry a Dark Creature?" Andromeda said, ignoring Remus completely. "You think they'll keep you around when they find out? They'll chuck you out of there quicker than lightening. Mad-Eye has groomed you so carefully, and you have worked so hard to get were you are, Nymphadora, and you'd throw it all away on someone like _him_?"

"They will have no grounds to sack me if they do find out. But we're doing it quietly, it's not like we're parading around the fact. We wanted just a few friends, and I was hoping my family. But I guess that was too much to ask for." Tonks threw her napkin on the table. "I'm leaving. Remus?" she looked expectantly down at him, but he stayed in his seat.

"Andromeda, you have to understand-"

"I understand perfectly," she said, finally looking down at Remus. "You think I haven't figured it out? You convince my daughter you're in love with her but really all you want is her money. You found yourself the perfect setup, a beautiful young witch, old ties to your friend Sirius, and now you spring marriage on her because you know when she dies, you'll inherit it all."

"MUM!" Tonks said sternly, her dark red hair turning suddenly fiery and bright.

"Andromeda, I can understand your concerns for her because of what I am, but believe me when I say I love your daughter for who she is, not how much gold is in her Gringotts vault."

"Get out of my house," she said, angry tears rolling down her face.

"Andromeda," Ted said sternly.

"Get out!" she screamed, and Remus didn't need telling twice. He and Tonks quickly moved away from the table, sounds of Ted and Andromeda arguing as they walked out the front door. Tonks let out a yell of frustration as they Apparated back to the cottage.

"That WOMAN is just… UGH!" She said, storming through the front door.

"Nymphadora, we just sprang it on her, she was surprised."

"Money? She thinks this is about _money_?" she said ignoring him, the wand in her hand held so tightly her knuckles were turning white, pacing around the living room.

"Dora," Remus started trying to calm her down before she would accidentally blast something in her rage.

"'He'd eat his young?' What the fuck was all that about?"

"She's seen what my kind can do," Remus said sadly. "She's seen what happens when we get carried away. We don't just bite, we destroy utterly."

"But what really gets me angry is dad just sat there," Tonks said ignoring him. "He said brilliant, mum said get out, and then he clamed up!"

"Your father, I think, knows better than to upset her further by arguing."

"He needs to step up and calm her down before she says anymore moronic untruths!" she said rounding on him. "I knew this was a bad idea, I knew this was just one more thing we'd have to deal with."

"You said so yourself that she would have been devastated had you not told her." Remus countered, feeling his own temper rising. He held true to his original point. They were her parents, and approval or not, they deserved to know.

"Yes, but at least we wouldn't have to deal with her anger. Who knows how long it will be before she's willing to let me back? No doubt has put repelling charms around the house so I can't get in. That's going to make it hard if I'm supposed to set spells around the place for the mission."

"Dora, I'm so sorry," Remus said shaking his head, his anger abating.

"What for?"

"All of this, for putting you in this position, for making you choose your family or me." He was truly sorry that it had come down to this. With his transformations taken care of thanks to the Ministry ruling, Remus had begun to feel more secure about their plans of marriage. But her mother's anger, making Tonks choose a life with him or a life with her family, he was filled with such remorse and guilt.

"Remus," she said patiently, stopping her pacing to look at him. "You are my family."

"That's not what I mean," Remus said.

"But it's true," Tonks said. "In less than twenty-four hours, I'm going to be Mrs. Remus Lupin, and my husband will become my new family. My loyalty lies with you. It will always lie with you. To the very end." She cupped the side of his face with her hand, surprising cool after such anger. Gently she kissed his check, full of such love and grace Remus felted comforted by the small gesture.

"So, tomorrow," he said quietly, finding his voice once more. "You won't be bitter your mother won't be there or your father to walk you down the aisle?"

"Oh, if I know anything about Ted Tonks, he'll be there. Even if it's only to make sure we have decent champagne at the reception."

That night, Remus couldn't sleep. He lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about all of the reasons he never should have gotten involved with her. These past few weeks had been perfect happiness. There were moments of dread, of fear, of loss, but overall there was something to be said for the overwhelming feeling of being loved and at last being content with his life. He knew it was all thanks to the woman sleeping quietly next to him.

But his reservations, his excuses, his fears, seemed all the more valid in the wake of the fight that had taken place between Andromeda and Nymphadora. All of the world's prejudices- that werewolves, no matter the phase of the moon, were dark and dangerous creatures, that they preyed upon the weak, that their poverty drove them to steal and become vagabonds, that they eat their young- only proved how the rest of the world would receive their union. Andromeda was right: the Ministry would not look kindly on their marriage. If word got out, Nymphadora ran the risk of losing her job, a job that she had worked so hard to achieve. He knew she'd fight them if they tried to sack her, but ultimately, she would be eliminated from her post.

He quietly got out of bed, careful to not wake her. Out the window the night sky was clear, the stars bright and the innocent moon a sliver of silvery rock. He went downstairs to make himself a cup of tea. Filling the teakettle with water, he tapped it with his wand to make it whistle happily with steam. He poured the scalding water into a teapot with a few tea bags and waited for it seep. He sat at the table, his head in his hands thinking how he was going to tell her that the wedding was off. Something sharp bit his index finger.

"Ouch! Wagtail!" he said looking up to find the owl sitting on the table. "What are you doing over here, you know you're not allowed on the table." He tried to shoo the bird away but he bit his finger once more.

"Ouch! Stop that," he said. Wagtail tapped on the table with his beak. "What do you want now? I've told you, you'll need to go find food for yourself-" but Remus stopped seeing that there was a envelope address to him. "Oh, well, thanks," he said lamely. The owl gave him a reproachful look. Breaking the seal on the envelope, he opened the letter inside with curiosity as to who would be sending an owl so late.

_Remus,_

_I need to apologize for my wife this evening. As you know, or will know soon enough, women in the Black Family are headstrong and stubborn. Andromeda, being remarkably so, is refusing to acknowledge any such marriage will take place. And if I know my Dora, as much as I'd like to think she takes after the Tonkses, will be headstrong and stubborn by blazing ahead with the whole affair. Making you at quite a loss about what to do, not able to sleep. Well, that makes two of us, which is why I'm sending this letter so late. It will be nice having a son-in-law when the two of them get into rows like this. Usually I'm the one in the middle._

_Please know that Andromeda doesn't believe a quarter of what she said tonight. She knows better than to throw the prejudices and projections of others onto you. Werewolves are dangerous, yes, but the werewolf sitting at our table tonight was no more dangerous than that bottle of bourbon. A bit rough to handle at first, but fascinating, complex and deserving of respect, the same as any other whiskey._

_So like with all things, give her some time. She won't stay mad forever. She knows she's being ridiculous, even if she won't admit it out loud, because we faced the same thing when we got married. Her mother and father and aunt threw a fit (and a glass, and a large book, and several hexes) when we came to tell them together, so she knows what she's putting you and Dora through, and guilt makes for cruel company._

_I'm going to try to sneak away tomorrow as there is no way I'm missing a chance to see my daughter married, and more importantly, in a nice dress. Please send the location and time with Wagtail and I'll be sure to wear some proper trousers for the occasion._

_Ted_

_P.S. I'm bringing a few cases of my favorite French champagne. Cheers._

Remus smiled looking down at Ted's messy handwriting. One thing was for sure: tomorrow would be an interesting affair. He sent a quick note to Ted with his thanks for the advice and the time and location of the wedding. Watching Wagtail soar out into the beautiful night sky, he felt slightly more confident that they were making the right decision. They loved each other. They _should_ get married to one another, even if her mother didn't approve. He climbed back into bed, his tea forgotten, and pressed his body close to hers, finally able to sleep at last.

After what felt like no time at all, Remus was up, turning off Tonks' annoying alarm clock, reaching over groggily to wake her, as he typically had to do.

"Dora," he said sleepily, throwing his arm out to catch hold of her shoulder to rouse her. But his hand found only pillows. Through heavily lidded eyes, Remus looked over to find her missing, a note on her pillow.

_Remus, It's bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day, so I got up early (shocking I know). I'll see you tonight; I'll be the one in the white dress and wellies. Your, Dora_

A very foolish grin on his face, Remus got out of bed and started his day, thinking only of what would happen later that evening, and of the woman in the white gown waiting for him. Surprisingly, he was able to pick up his dress robes, the flowers, exchanged currency at Gringotts for the Muggle hotel, and made it over to the Burrow all before noon. He gave Molly the flowers, and despite his protests and sincerest wishes to help, she insisted he head home and get himself ready.

"I mean, really dear, you need to go home and make sure everything is ready and prepared."

"Molly, all the preparations are happening here," Remus said, sincerely hoping to help her. "Please, put me to work, I don't have anything else to do with my day. And if I go home now, I will quite literally be sitting around, nothing to do except anxiously stare at the clock until its time to leave." His feelings of inadequacy were starting to return, but he pushed him aside. _It's not 1962_, he reminded himself. _I don't have to be the one who's employed_. There was also an element of guilt in having Molly Weasley prepare so much for their wedding day. She wasn't a blood relation, on his side at least, and therefore had no real reason to be helping them in such a critical manner. But her friendship with Tonks, who looked to Molly as a second mother, and Remus' own friendship made her as good as family in his mind. Still, he felt bad that she should be putting so much time and care into the preparations.

"Not prepare for the wedding, dear," Molly said, "For yourself. Do you have your vows written out?"

"Eh," Remus said, scratching the back of his head.

"Do you have the rings?"

"I do have that," he said, thinking to his sock drawer where his mother's wedding band was.

"Your dress robes?" she said.

"Yes."

"Well, as I said before, I would do something with your hair. You've let it get much too long." Molly said lovingly. Remus grinned at her mothering. Yes, Molly was not a blood relative, but she certainly acted like one.

"Alright, Molly, the ceremony starts at half seven, but I'll be back at quarter to five to help you take everything over. Alright?"

"That should be fine," Molly said, returning to her stove.

Remus suddenly had hours before he agreed to meet Molly. The waiting, he found, was the worse part of a wedding day. He felt much the same way as he did with the coming of the full moon; anxieties making his stomach perform acrobatic feats, the overwhelming feeling of dread for something going wrong, but especially the pent up nervous energy. Scribbling out what he might say for his wedding vows, the cottage suddenly felt stifling, so he contented himself with some gardening outdoors, which helped to alleviate a few hours of watching the clock slowly tick by. While Tonks had been gone on her four-day mission, he had started to clean up the front yard and made plans for perhaps creating a small garden for both of them. But even with the exercise of manually pulling dead shrubs and mowing the lawn, he still was wound up. He found he simply wanted to get the whole thing over and done with. He was ready to pledge his fidelity and love to her. But more than anything, he was ready to go to the beach to spend some time away from the chaos of all their commitments. He knew even while spending time on holiday, his thoughts would never be far from those suffering and the war, but it would be nice to pretend for a few days that there was nothing going on in the world, acting like normal Muggles away on their honeymoon.

Finally, the hour hand of the clock moved to four, so Remus went upstairs to take a shower and make himself presentable. After combing out his hair in the mirror, he realized that Mrs. Weasley had a point in saying his hair was on the shaggier side, so magically, and with extreme care, cut his hair, making it much cleaner and more respectable. He put his dress robes on with an attention he never had used when putting on robes. After Madame Malkin's alterations, the cut of the robe was perfect, fitting his body in a most attractive manner. His hands shook as he tied his bowtie, and more than once he had to begin again because his focus was somewhere else entirely, finally giving up and magically do it instead. He thought about what Tonks was doing at this moment. Was she nervous? Were _her_ hands shaking as she put on her dress?

Examining himself in the full-length mirror, Remus thought he looked rather handsome, perhaps debonair, albeit a little pale. His normally thin frame looked fuller, healthier, his hair some how did not look so grey, his scars not nearly so visible. He looked… human.

Grabbing the ring from the box in his drawer, he put it carefully into his pocket, grabbed the overnight bag he had packed for their holiday and set out for the Burrow. It was pandemonium as Remus came through the front door. Ron and Ginny were arguing loudly somewhere upstairs about privacy and bathroom privileges, while there was a great energy and commotion coming from the kitchen, Fleur looking pretty as always in a dress of pale blue holding an enormous white four tiered cake, muttering angrily in French. Remus translated it to be something to do with frosting and silk.

"Remus!" Bill said, in a set of dark plum dress robes, a new fang in his ear, awkwardly maneuvering a tray full of hors d'oeuvres. "You look nice. Nervous?"

"A bit," Remus said truthfully. "Is, uh, is your mum around? I promised her I'd help bring things over to the venue."

"She said was popping upstairs to get dressed last time I spoke with her, but as you can see we've all been doing our bit."

"Point me in the direction I need to help." Remus said.

"Kitchen," Bill said nodding in the direction where George Weasley was coming out with another enormous tray of different samplings of food.

"Bloody hell, Lupin, I thought you two were suppose to be eloping?" George said.

"I had no idea your mother was going through all this trouble, I told her not too," Remus said looking alarmed.

"Yeah, but since when has mum ever listened to commonsense?" Fred said, holding a large round platter of Cornish game hens.

"Whose all this food supposed to be for?" Remus said, looking around the kitchen where there were mountains of food waiting to be transported.

"Remus, dear!" Molly Weasley said, scurrying about the kitchen wearing a nice set of silvery dress robes and a floral apron. "Why, don't you look handsome."

"Molly, this is too much," Remus said shaking his head.

"Nonsense," said Mrs. Weasley. "I only hope there will be enough."

"Enough? Molly, I told you there weren't going to be that many people," Remus said, giving her a nervous sort of laugh. "We wanted to keep things quiet."

"I know, dear, but you'll be surprised at how quickly everything will disappear. Just you wait and see."

"Molly, I don't know how I will ever repay you for your kindness. This would have never come together the way it has without all of your help."

"Well, you and Tonks have been sort of a project of mine." Mrs. Weasley said conspiratorially. "It only seems fitting that I try and help in any way I can. Now, come on, we've got a lot to haul over. Arthur is there already setting up tables and chairs."

"Do you know where Dora is?" Remus said. He knew she would be hiding out somewhere getting ready, and he assumed she would do it at the Burrow.

"She's _around_ ... somewhere," Mrs. Weasley said, poorly concealing the fact that Tonks was no doubt hiding somewhere upstairs. "Why is something wrong?"

"No, no, nothing. She left this morning before I woke up leaving a note behind saying it was bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony. So I've been wondering where she's been hiding out after work."

"Well I haven't seen her." Mrs. Weasley said, but her smile gave her away. "But a little owl told me she's been getting ready for hours now and is perfectly safe. Don't you worry, you'll be seeing her soon enough. And I think you'll be quite impressed."

And together, after two trips, Remus and the Weasleys managed to bring all of Mrs. Weasley's preparations and excellent cooking to Arlington Court Gardens, where indeed, chairs had been set up in the gardens by a fountain where the actual ceremony would take place. A little further away, a long rectangular table was placed where they all would share in a meal, a crisp white linen table cloth on top, a large boutique of the bright pink and purple peonies Remus had picked up earlier were in an opaque glass vase, sparkling with the tiniest droplets of dew, magically placed there to shimmer just so, especially in the light of the tea candles running the length of the table. The area surrounding the park was alight with white round paper lanterns, magically floating aloft every few feet from each other. The gardens were lush and fragrant, the flowers still holding on to their late spring blooms. It really was an enchanting setting for a wedding, and Remus could not have been happier with the way it had all turned out. But the enormity of everything that was about to happen was making him nervous.

It wasn't until Kingsley and Mad-Eye Apparated did Remus finally realize he was getting married. _Married_. The word was foreign enough in his own mind, yet here he was, talking over the procedure with the master of ceremonies. He was not paying attention to what was happening around him, or who was offering words of advice or congratulations. Everything was moving at hyper speed and very soon, the master of ceremonies was asking everyone to take their seats.

Remus looked out to the crowd of people who had gathered: Arthur and Molly holding hands tightly in their seats, Molly dabbing at her eyes with her free hand. Bill and Fleur, who were sitting very close together, whispering in the way lovers do. Fred and George who looked thoroughly bored and were eyeing the food with great interest. Ron and Ginny, still looking angry at one another, silent in not speaking. Kingsley, who was giving Remus a proud sort of look from his seat, was also looking wistful and a little distracted. And Mad-Eye, who seemed to be more nervous than Remus was, his magical eye zooming in every direction, wringing his hands in anticipation.

Then, the gramophone began to play Parchelbel's _Canon in D Major_ causing everyone to stand and turn in the direction toward the westward setting sun. Shrouded in sunlight, as though blessed with a holy glow, slowly walked Nymphadora, holding her sumptuous bouquet of pink peonies in one hand, the other resting lightly on her father's arm, his mother's engagement ring sparkling with its true brilliance in the rays of the setting sun. Remus felt his heart skip a beat. She was so beautiful, her body perfectly silhouetted in a tight, off white gown covered in a delicate lace overlay that barely skimmed the ground in a scalloped trim leading out with the smallest hint of a train. The sweetheart neckline mirrored her own heart shaped face, which glowed with happiness, her dark eyes never leaving Remus. Her hair, its natural brown color, was worn down, gracefully falling past her bare shoulders, the ends curling playfully. She had on a small white cap tipped forward on her head, with a thin gauzy veil that coyly covered her face. She was the absolute epitome of perfection. Even her small trip on the hem of her gown and the appreciative chuckling of the crowd did nothing to distract from Remus watching her come toward him.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" The master of ceremonies began.

"That'd be me," Ted said, giving his daughter a kiss on her cheek as he handed her to Remus.

"You take care of her son," he said seriously to Remus. "Or there will be hell to pay."

"I will," Remus said sincerely, fully wanting to do just that.

"Then we will proceed," the master of ceremonies continued and Ted took his seat. Remus was not paying attention to the words coming from the old man, who spoke of the great institution that was marriage, and what it meant to truly love someone. He instead had all of his attention focused on the woman next to him, her small, cool hand in his own. He simply could not take his eyes off of her, the way her long lashes would turn down to look at the ground before glancing back up to watch the old man speak. He could not look away from the swell of her lips, which had a reddish gloss to them, nor from the way the subtle highlights in her hair seemed to glow in the light of the sun.

"Son? Do you have the ring?" The old man asked gently.

"Remus?" Tonks said quietly, giving him a squeeze of her hand in his bringing him out of his musings.

"What? Oh the ring, yes, I've got it here." Remus said, pulling out of his pocket the wedding band.

"These two have elected to recite their own vows, so you may proceed when you're ready," the old man said kindly to Remus.

"I, Remus John Lupin, take you Nymphadora Tonks, to be wife, to be my best friend, to be the absolute love of my life. I will never stop loving you through the uncertainties of the future, and I pledge to you here and now that I will always support you. From this day forward, you won't have to walk alone because I will always be here, beside you. Always. You have all of my heart, all of my soul, something I have never given to any other. Come what may, I promise you that I will do my best to always be the man you so deserve. I am extremely blessed to have met you, Nymphadora, and I pledge to love you till death do us part." Remus slid the wedding band onto her finger.

"And you Nymphadora," the old man said, and Nymphadora took out a plain silver wedding band that she hidden in her wedding bouquet.

"I, Nymphadora Tonks, take you Remus John Lupin, to be my husband, to be my best friend, to be the greatest part of my life. From our first kiss, to our last kiss, I'm making a promise that I will never stop wanting to kiss you."

The Weasley twins sniggered.

"I know we are facing uncertainties, but there is no uncertainty in my love for you. It will never waver, it will never fade, even in the face of doubt or grief, the intensity in which I love will never diminish. I promise to love you through every moment of our life together, through the times that are hard and times that are joyous, in times of illness and in times of health, until death do us part." She started to move the ring towards Remus' hand but stopped and whispered suddenly to him, "That whole thing about silver and, _you know_, isn't true right?"

Remus wanted to laugh as he whispered back to her, "I think I'll be just fine." She smiled too, looking a little relieved, as she placed the silver wedding band onto Remus' finger. It was light, yet it carried the weight of now wearing something so symbolic of his never-ending fidelity and love. He had pledged it, here and now, in front of his friends, in front of her father. There was no going back. There could be no more moments of doubt or convincing her he was too old, too poor, or too dangerous.

"As these two people have now promised each other fidelity with the giving and receiving of rings, I can now declare them bonded for life." The master tapped his wand over their intertwined hands and a shower of sparks rained on them both. "You may kiss your bride, Mr. Lupin." Remus carefully moved the veil from her face before she pulled him suddenly into a long and passionate kiss. He lost all sense of reality or reason as he kissed her, in front of his friends, in front of those who he considered family, simply lost in her kiss. It was she who finally broke away, resting her forehead against his, brimming with happiness. A flash bulb went off from a camera, capturing the moment.

"Bonded for life," she said breathlessly.

"Till death do us part," Remus said, looking up to see the small crowd of witnesses cheering their own happiness, the Weasley twins whistling loudly. "Come on, I don't know about you, but I'm starving." They walked back down the small aisle, hand in hand, Ted Tonks taking a number of photographs, sobs of joy making his portly stomach shake. Remus noticed even Mad-Eye Moody, the toughest Auror of the age, had a few tears coming from his good eye.

"Mad-Eye," Tonks said seriously, stopping Remus from going any farther. "You're not crying are you?"

"Allergies," he said gruffly, quickly wiping away the tears that were rolling down his cheek. "All these damn flowers."

Tonks ran into his arms, hugging him tightly, making Moody stunned for a moment, but put his arms around her in genuine affection. She didn't pause for too long, giving Mad-Eye a kind look before she ran back to Remus so they could walk together up to the carriage house to have a moment alone before the reception Molly Weasley had so carefully orchestrated could get underway. They walked quietly, hands held tightly to one another, both of them bursting with elation. Married. He was a _married_ man; the silver ring on his finger was proof. He didn't feel any different, except perhaps happier than he had been in his entire life. Married. Remus felt he needed to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. The only thing that could have made this day more spectacular was to have Harry and those who were departed to see him in such a glorious moment. James, Lily, Sirius, his parents, and Dumbledore; he knew that somewhere they were watching him, watching him marry the woman he loved and knew they would be just as happy, just as exuberant, Sirius chief among them.

"What are you thinking about, Mrs. Lupin?" Remus asked, moving his head in close to hers, breathing in the light floral scent that seemed to be emanating from her entire being.

"Mmm, Mrs. Lupin, I like the sound of that," she said, grabbing hold of the lapels on his dress robes. "I was thinking, Mr. Lupin, about what I am going to do to my new husband once we have left all of the craziness behind us."

"A very wicked thought for a blushing bride, Mrs. Lupin," Remus said grinning mischievously.

"There is absolutely nothing blushing about his bride," Tonks said coyly. "Though, I thought a dropped a clanger with the ring. I don't know why I've never asked you about silver before."

"One of the many misconceptions about werewolves, I'm afraid. Silver," looking down to the ring on his finger, "won't harm me in the least."

"Well then, I'm glad. I was going to get a gold ring, but I thought, nah, everyone has gold."

"Always trying to make me a trendsetter, are you?"

"Darling, I've given up trying to make you anyone other than who you are." She kissed him, her glossy lips making his slick, no doubt leaving traces of red stain behind. She pulled him in closer, deeper, her hands reaching up to the back of his head, her fingers intertwining with his hair.

"Come on, you two," Ted Tonks said interrupting what was quickly becoming reason to leave the party altogether. "Pictures! I need to capture Dora in a dress as many times as I possibly can."

"Dad," Tonks groaned, as Ted took a picture of her pouting look. She looked to Remus and smiled. "Pictures, cake, a dance or two and then we're gone, and you're all mine."

"Deal," he said. Holding up the hem of her dress so she could walk uninterrupted, Remus saw that she indeed had on her pair of red Wellingtons. "You really wore your wellies under your dress?" he laughed.

"Well sure, you didn't think I could pull off heels did you? In the grass and dirt?" she said. "Besides, you never would have noticed them, had I not lifted up my dress."

Remus' cheeks were hurting from all the smiling he was doing, his happiness tangibly trying to escape, evidence for everyone to witness. He almost felt the need to cry, to have something to physically release from his body to help bring him back down to earth as his happiness was giving him the sensation of floating. They posed for a few formal portraits, one with everyone present, one with just Dora and her father. Remus was feeling lighter, giddier, more relieved in years. Someone had put on a couple of new records letting the jazzy sounds of music linger in the air, adding an accompanying element to the night. Joining everyone at the long table, he looked at all of them, eating, laughing, enjoying the night as much as he was. Molly's meal for them was delicious, nothing could have topped each bite, and Remus had nearly licked his plate clean.

With the sun fully descended, night brought out the stars, which could not compete with the twinkling of the candlelight, making Nymphadora look simply radiant. She beamed happily at all of them, laughing and joking with the Weasleys, punching playfully her father's arm, sipping carefully her champagne.

The sounds of a knife tapping on glass brought the table's attention to Ted Tonks.

"So, as most of you don't know me, I'm Ted Tonks, Dora's father. And as the father of the bride, I feel as though I need to say a few words," Ted said, standing up, the table falling completely silent.

Tonks groaned looking embarrassed, "Really, dad, you don't have to."

"No, no, no, I want to, Dora. Now, I met Remus just a few weeks ago for the first time, but my wife, Dora's mother Andromeda, who, uh, was unable to make it this evening," Ted said looking worriedly to Dora, who still continued to look embarrassed.

Remus, in his happiness, had gone unnoticed to Andromeda Tonks' absence, yet now that he was reminded of it, she seemed to be painfully amiss. He looked to Dora who still did not seem to care that her mother was not here on her wedding day.

"Well, anyway, she had the pleasure of meeting Remus when he was just a kid, fresh from his first year back at Hogwarts, spending some time during summer holiday with his friend Sirius Black, Andromeda's cousin. Drom and I were still dating at that point, but I will never forget one night she told me about how she met the most fascinating little boy at her Aunt Walburga's house, and that this boy was a _werewolf_."

"Dad!" Tonks said, her eyes wide, looking around the table as though her father had something highly offensive. Nobody seemed to mind as they all stared intently at Ted Tonks, listening with great interest. Remus could understandably know why; not many at the table knew about his life before they knew him as an Order member or professor. Strangely enough, Andromeda Black was a like a missing link between his life as a Marauder and his life now, the connection between them, of course, was Sirius.

"Well, I was stunned." Ted continued. "I'd never met a werewolf before, and being a protective boyfriend, I worried for her, even after the fact so I asked her what he was like. 'Well,' she says to me, 'he's extremely interesting, but very quiet and shy, and more polite than anyone I know. Sirius said he tried politely introducing him self to Walburga.' Believe me, not many people can get away with that." A few people at the table chuckled, not because they had known the woman, who was impossible to please, but because they had heard her screams coming from the horrible portrait that hung on the wall in Grimmauld Place. "She couldn't stop talking about him, for weeks she'd run her mouth about how such a sweet kid could be something so horrible, convinced it had to be some sort of horrid joke Sirius was playing, that there was no way this kid was what he claimed to be. She was in training at the time to become a Healer, and almost joined up with the dangerous bites crew to meet more people infected, that's how much he had affected her perception. So, for a long time I wondered about this Lupin fellow, wanting to see for myself how completely charming a werewolf could be, because honestly, I was a bit jealous. So when Dora told Dromeda and I about this bloke she was dating two years ago, and his name was Lupin, I got a bit worried and I had my reservations. Well, needless to say, when I did have the pleasure of finally being introduced to him, I wasn't disappointed." He said, looking down to Remus with something akin to fatherly pride. "He was every bit as polite, quiet and charming as Drom had said. I'm just chuffed to bits for my daughter for finding someone so kind and loving and absolutely captivating, who challenges her, who makes her so alive, and who is one of the only ones brave enough to call her by her given name without getting a black eye. I know he can keep her grounded and safe, and a father could not ask for more for his favorite daughter."

"Only daughter, dad," Tonks said smiling at their old joke, her eyes misting in the glow of the candlelight.

"Remus, I'm glad to have you as a new member of the family, and will take pride in being your father-in-law."

"Thanks, Ted," Remus said, blushing a little with everyone staring at him.

"To Remus and Dora," Ted said, holding his glass aloft. "May your lives be long, full of love and your only pains be champagnes!" The table followed suit, toasting them both. Nymphadora leaned over to kiss Remus tenderly, before drinking from her own glass. Remus drank as well, the bubbles trickling down his throat mirroring his own lightheartedness. He had been touched by Ted Tonks' speech, glad to hear that there was a time when Andromeda had not been so prejudiced towards werewolves. Life, marriage and a child can change one's perception of the world, and Andromeda chose fear instead of the fascination she once had. Her biased fear, and perhaps more so her stubbornness, drove her to miss her only child's wedding day.

The table drank and ate heavily into the night, laughing over stories of old, jokes the Weasley twins made in abundance, and even a particularly raunchy story Mad-Eye told, prompting Ginny and Fleur to blush and Ted to declare he had a new best friend.

Molly had been right; the food did not last long as everyone helped themselves to seconds (Ron helping himself to thirds) of her delicious meal. Later on, Remus and Nymphadora cut into the beautiful, four tiered white cake, realistic sugar flowers running down each layer like they had simply fallen there from nature. Remus was sad to destroy what had taken Molly so long to create, but was delighted to find that each cake layer was a different flavor, the largest being Dora's choice of red velvet, and it tasted every bit as delicious as it was beautiful. Despite being overly full from dinner, everyone seemed to find room for cake, taking a slice of whatever flavor pleased them most.

"You'd better not," she said, when they sat back down at the table, looking from the plate of cake to Remus, a hesitant smile on her lips.

He grinned wolfishly, picking up with his hand a small piece of the fluffy, creamy cake and icing bringing it dangerously close to her face, before quickly putting it into his own mouth.

"You wanker," she said smiling. "Merlin's blessed me enough tonight I haven't spilled anything on this dress yet."

"Well," he said leaning in close so only she could hear, the champagne making him feel bold, "the solution for that is to take you out of it." He placed a hand on her thigh, feeling the lace against her skin.

Even in the flickering light of the candles, he saw her eyes smolder with lust and longing. "There is nothing more I want to do right now than to tear those dress robes from your body." She hissed in his ear.

"Better not," Remus said, half teasingly, half seriously. "It's a rental."

"We can repair them," she said, her face close, her lips ever so mischievously grinning, just a few centimeters away from his own.

"Oi, get a room!" said Fred or George. Remus turned to see many of their guests staring at their interaction.

He just started laughing, breaking the heady tension between himself and Nymphadora as he said, "I intend to!"

"Remus!" Tonks said laughing looking both highly amused and embarrassed, as she glanced from her father, who was laughing, to Mad-Eye, who was giving her a wink with his good eye.

"Come, wife," he said mockingly as he stood up, holding out his hand to help her from her chair. "You promised me a dance or two." Ted Tonks' champagne truly was a marvel.

"Yes, my husband, my will is your command," she said, in mock subservience, curtseying to him before taking his outstretched hand. With a flick of his wand, Remus changed the music to the next slow song. It was _Clair de Lune_.

"Shall we?" he said, holding out his arms in a dancing frame. She happily took it up, putting her right hand on his back, the left into his hand, as he put a hand to her waist. They slowly moved to the rich tones of the orchestral piece. "_Clair de Lune_," Remus said, pressing his cheek against hers.

Her eyes were closed in perfect happiness as she said, "How apropos our first dance is to a song entitled moonlight."

He closed his eyes, shutting out the visual world around them, conscious only of the feeling of his cheek against hers, swaying to the music, the cool night air brushing past them both gently. They were joined a short while later by Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Bill and Fleur, but neither Remus nor Tonks seemed to notice the others, nor the pictures being taken. They simply were in the moment, enjoying the feel of dancing slowly to the lush tones of Debussy. But the song, like most things in life, came to an end.

"Is that enough dancing for you, Mr. Lupin, or should we have another go of it?" Tonks said, her eyes opening at last to look at him.

"I think one more, Mrs. Lupin, then we can head off to our honeymoon suite."

"A suite eh?"

"Well, not so much a suite, as just a room because suites were unreasonably expensive."

"Well, we can make it whatever we want it to be. As long as there's a bed and a window to let in the sounds of the sea, I'll be perfectly content."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," he said, kissing her lightly as a more lively song came on, bringing more of the guests from their seats, notably the Weasley twins with their raucous dance moves.

Tonks laughed watching them both moved wildly through the small group of people.

"Come on, Tonks," Fred said. "Do we need to put on the Weird Sisters to see you really dance?"

"Like you did during the Christmas party two years ago?" said George. Tonks roared with laughter.

"Yeah, let's see what we've got in the way of some rock," she said, picking up the hem of her dress, hurrying over to the gramophone. Remus was struck for a moment how terrible young she appeared to be, watching her look through albums excitedly with the Weasley twins, who were voicing their opinions on the merits of one album versus another. They finally came to a consensus as the current record slipped and was replaced by the riotous sounds of a guitar and a heavy bass before drums and lead vocals started in. Jumping excitedly, moving her body to the beat, which seemed to flow within her, she bounced her way over to Ginny and the two girls, holding hands, danced and sang along with the music. _Terribly young_, he thought.

"All just a bit of noise, this band," said Ted Tonks coming up behind Remus, interrupting his train of thought. "Never could get into them." He handed Remus a full glass of champagne, which Remus gratefully accepted.

"I've never really tried," Remus said honestly. "I can see the appeal, though. An up-tempo beat with a heavy bass line can make for very good dance music, plus the lyrics aren't bad, when you can decipher them above the bagpipes. There was a band back in the Seventies, the Velvet Vipertooths, do you remember them?"

"I do," Ted said, nodding and smiling. "Now that was a band."

"Oh how I used to wish I could play guitar just as well as Ajax Anthony." Remus said, thinking back to his youth and his longing to be rock star.

"Or what about the Hobgoblins? Now there was a band with its act together. Ha, well, until they fell apart in 1980. You know," he said, leaning in as though revealing a great secret, "I actually met Stubby Boardman; he was a few years younger than me at Hogwarts."

"No," Remus said incredulously. "You were at school with Stubby Boardman?"

"Hand to Merlin," Ted said. "Was a bit of freak, to be honest, didn't have many friends, kept to himself. Had a nasty temper, so it's no wonder he quit after being hit with that turnip! And you know, I don't know if she's ever told you, but Dora went to school with most of the members of the Weird Sisters."

"You're kidding me? She never told me that!" Remus said.

"Yep, they're all around Dora's age, and a few of them played together even back then, though I think it was just Wagtail, Tremlett, and Duke at that point. The rest didn't join until after school, according to Dora. I remember her writing home about how marvelous the lot of them were and how much fun it was to hear them play on weekends outside when the weather was nice. She even had a bit of a romance with Wagtail, believe it or not, though she never admitted to me, so this is all speculation, mind you. Andromeda found a bunch of love letters from someone with the initials MW sent to her tucked under her pillow when she came home during Christmas holiday her fifth year. He's two or three years older than her, but they had a good go of it from the sound of those letters."

"No wonder she likes the band so much," Remus said shaking his head, watching her as she continued to dance with Ginny, singing loudly, but not loud enough over the sounds of Wagtail's piercing vocals. There was so much of her life he still didn't know about her, yet he was now married to her. It had only come to light recently the extent of her relationship with Charlie Weasley, now he finds out she had once dated Myron Wagtail? Perhaps further investigation of her past romantic entanglements might not be such a bad idea. Though, Remus reminded himself, he was the one legally wedded to her, not those other men. And they now had a lifetime to discover everything about the other. There were certainly aspects of his life he kept hidden from her, and would, perhaps in time, share.

"Makes you wonder, dunnit?" Ted said, who was also watching his daughter.

"Wonder what?" Remus said.

"Just how quickly time goes by," Ted said wistfully. "One day I'm sneaking out late to meet Dromeda for a midnight tryst, the next, I'm watching my daughter getting married. Can really put life into prospective."

"It really can. The last time I was at a wedding was for my friends, James and Lily, and now their son is nearly seventeen." Remus said not even quite believing the words coming out of his mouth. Had they really been dead for that long? Life really did move quickly but Remus found he was glad, because now, in his brief time on this earth, he would be spending it with someone who lived every moment to the fullest.

"I meant what I said earlier," Ted said to Remus seriously. "And Drom really did say those things, couldn't stop gabbing, so I know that she'll come around. I thought she might swallow her pride and come out tonight, but I think her stubbornness has won out yet again. But I want you to know, that I'm proud to call you family."

"Thank you, Ted, I'm proud to be apart of your family and happy that you at least have supported Dora through this. She won't admit it, but I know she's upset Andromeda didn't come tonight."

"Well sure she is, it's her mum! What girl wouldn't be? But you're right; Dora won't admit to it, so just look out for her, okay? She's been through hell and back with her job and it's made her tough, but she still is just as sensitive as anyone."

"That she is, perhaps more so as her Auror's training has made her so finely in tune with the needs and feelings of others. Certainly knows my own feelings better than I do! There are days I wonder if she's become a Legilimens."

"I wouldn't put it past her," Ted said chuckling.

"Now what on earth has got you two so absorbed over here?" Nymphadora said, coming over to them, her face pink from dancing.

"Talking about you, love," Remus said, pulling an arm around her waist, drawing her in close.

"About?" she said, looking sharply to her father has though he might be divulging top-secret matters. Tonks took the glass of champagne from Remus' hand, drinking down the liquid quickly.

"Nothing that is untrue, embarrassing or revealing, I swear," Ted said, nodding to the now empty glass added, "That's quite a thirst you've got my girl."

"From all the dancing!" she said happily. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to dance with my husband."

"He's all yours," Ted said taking the now empty champagne flute from Tonks' hand. "But Dora, I'm going to head out soon. I know, I'm being a big anorak leaving the party so early, but your mum is going to be in a state and ready to row, so I'd rather just get it over and done with so I might get some proper sleep tonight. Some of us have to work in the morning."

"Alright, dad," she said, hugging her father tightly, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you for coming." She said quietly, looking at her father with real appreciation in her eyes. "It means the world to me that you came."

"Well, your mum is going to throw a wobbler that she wasn't here tonight and it's going to be shambolic at our place, so I wouldn't attempt contacting her for a bit. But it won't last long. Give it a week or two and she'll be the one developing the photos and making an album to show the neighbors, mark my words. Everything was just lovely tonight."

"You have Molly Weasley to thank, not us," Remus said, truly appreciative for all of the rapid spectacular preparations Mrs. Weasley had made.

"I'll be sure to do that. Oh, and before I bugger off, I wanted to give you your wedding present." Ted reached into his dress robes and pulled out a white envelope.

"Dad, you didn't have to do that! We weren't looking for gifts," Tonks said, accepting the envelope all the same.

"It's not much, but I thought it might help out with the honeymoon and any other little expenses along the way."

Tonks opened the envelope looking inside, before shutting it close quickly looking at her father.

"Dad, I'm not accepting this, it's too much!" Tonks said handing the envelope back.

"Well there's gratitude for you!" Ted said smiling, holding his hands up refusing to take the envelope back. "Take it, Dora, it's a gift."

"Dad, we don't need this kind of money," Tonks said, still holding it out. "We're fine on our own."

"I know that, but think of it as seed money for a new place. I don't see you living in that cottage for the rest of your lives. I think you'll go mad with nothing to do out there!"

"I love our cottage," Tonks said, looking pointedly at her father.

"Well, then, put it away in the bank and save it for all those grandbabies you'll be having." Ted said still smiling at her. "Your mum and I could have used a little extra cash when we were first married. Your mother still had to pay for Healer training, I was at the bottom of the ladder at the company, and then you came along! If Drom's sister hadn't given us Andromeda's part of the inheritance, I think we would have sunk that first year."

"Dad," Tonks said, but Remus could see she was starting to cave. Remus started feeling his old friend inadequacy return. "I'm going to accept this, but I'm telling you now, it will sit in our vault at Gringotts."

"That's all I ask," Ted said, hugging his daughter once more.

"Thank you, Ted, it was very generous of you." Remus said, not seeing the sum of money written out, but knew it had to be more than he had collectively made over the past three years.

"Anytime, son, anytime," Ted said, pulling Remus into a tight hug, thumping his back a few times. "And if you kids at any point are in over your heads, I am always here. Don't be embarrassed or feel guilty about asking for help."

"Thanks, dad," Tonks said.

"Now, I fully expect loads of pictures from your holiday and you'll have to bring them over to the house to show Dromeda and I."

"We will," Remus promised.

"Have fun you two," Ted said giving them one last friendly wave before Disapparating.

"He didn't need to do that," Tonks said, looking down to the envelope in her hand.

"He might be right, though, we don't know what could happen with the course of the war, or your job, and I don't have much in the way of savings."

"I have a little saved up, but nothing like this," she said shaking her head. "Don't think in anyway this is dad purposefully making you feel like you can't provide for me."

"I _can't_ provide for you, Dora," Remus said sadly.

"You don't need to monetarily provide for me. You give me everything that money never can. You give me love, and support, and make wonderful dinners." He snickered. "And as soon as you finish that novel of yours, then perhaps you can add a little to the bank vault. But until then, you needn't worry that I think any less of you."

"I know, I have resolved myself to the fact I am now a trophy husband."

"Ah, but what a trophy you are," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist, looking at him with a hint of lust, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I don't know about you, but these clothes are absolutely stifling."

"I couldn't agree more," Remus said, wrapping his own arms around her waist.

"Would it be terribly inappropriate if we left without telling anyone?"

"Terribly," he said.

She sighed. "Well, until the moment I can claim you, let's dance!" she said, and pulled him back to where most of the group were dancing.

As much as he wanted to leave, as much as he wanted to forcibly take her from the garden and have his way with her, Remus was glad they stayed. He even found himself dancing to the Weird Sisters, feeling insanely uncool but laughing and enjoying himself every second of the obnoxious songs. Soon enough, as the time slipped away, people were beginning to grow tired and aware of the late hour. Each one of them wished Remus and Nymphadora happiness and gave them their eternal blessing, but Mad-Eye, so overcome with emotion, just gave each of them a handshake.

"That's all I'm getting from you Mad-Eye? A handshake?" Tonks said with offense.

"Watch out for yourself, girl," Moody growled. "We are most vulnerable when we have our guard down. Look out for Death Eaters while you're seaside. They're _everywhere_. Constant vigilance!"

"Thanks Mad-Eye," Tonks said rolling her eyes.

Molly and Arthur stayed behind to clean up, insisting that they didn't need any help from Remus or Tonks.

"Really, dear," Molly Weasley said putting a hand on Remus' while he started throwing away garbage. "You and Tonks should head out. It's rather late and the hotel I'm sure won't take to kindly to your checking at this hour."

"Besides," said Arthur, a twinkle in his eye. "The honeymoon will be over before it's even started. I'd go and enjoy it as much as you can."

So with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's final blessing, Remus and Tonks changed out of their formal attire, Tonks giving Mrs. Weasley her dress for safe keeping until their return, and put on their Muggle clothes, Remus in a plain dark t-shirt and trousers, Dora in a flouncy top and jeans. Remus grabbed both his and Tonks' bags, holding out his hand for her to take.

"You ready?" he asked.

"So ready," she said, and he Apparated them both to Woolacombe Bay. Apparating made Remus realize just how much champagne he really had had, and he could tell Nymphadora was feeling the same, putting a hand to her head, steadying herself from the sensation of spinning. Luckily the night air was cool, giving him a sobering awareness of what they needed to do. The sea was a half-mile away from them, but Remus could still smell the seawaters, could distantly hear the rolling waves crashing on shore. It had been many years since Remus had been to the ocean and he felt eager at the prospect of being in so tranquil a locale, as well as going swimming. Yes, the sea was what he looked forward to most of all. Outside was dark, a few lampposts lit, but most of the light was coming from the nearby village, guiding their way along a winding road, through the rolling valleys of the North Devon countryside, finally making their way up to the hotel Remus had found. It had been odd using a telephone again, having to think in terms of pounds and pennies, not galleons and sickles, play acting like a Muggle in his making of the reservations, but he found it all rather fun. It was nice for a change to be absolutely ordinary.

Finally, they found the place, a sprawling hotel tucked into the cliffs overlooking the sea.

"Oh, Remus," Nymphadora said, looking out to the sea and to the lights in the late Victorian hotel.

"I'm rather impressed myself," Remus said, mentally congratulating himself on such a find, especially never having been to this area.

"Can we afford all this?" she said, sizing up the scale of the hotel.

"With the conversion rate, it's probably about 18 a night."

"18 what Remus? Pounds? Sickles?"

"Galleons," Remus said apprehensively. This had been the one major expense of this whole affair. He had felt some small guilt over not being able to provide a better wedding, a better home, a better life for her. Their cottage was small, out in the woods, far away from anything diverting, as Ted Tonks was quick to mention this evening. So after much debate with himself, he had booked a nice hotel for them, thinking at least that this was one nice thing he could give her.

"18 Galleons! Merlin's beard, Remus," she said her eyes narrowed at the thought of such extravagance or his foolishness. "We didn't have to come here, we could have stayed at a youth hostel, and it wouldn't have mattered to me. I just wanted you and a bit of beach and sea, that's it. We could have set up a tent for a few sickles!"

"I wanted something nice, something that was close enough to the beach and some place we would remember. Everything was so rushed, I wanted to take you to a place were we could slow down and just be with one another. You wanted a place we would want to come back to, and we wouldn't want to come back to someplace that was total crap. Besides, I've spent too much time sleeping on the ground in recent years, the thought of a tent would have been downright miserable, even with you sleeping next to me."

She was quiet as she contemplated what he was saying. "Dad did just give us that cheque…Well I'm not one to spoil a good thing, so come along, let's see our room!" She said, jogging ahead of him. Running, his enthusiasm, and the champagne, fueling his stride, he quickly beat her to the front entrance where a man in the hotel uniform respectfully bowed his head, but looked oddly at both of them as they were panting from running.

"Checking in?" he asked.

"We are," Remus said.

"Can I take your bags for you sir?" the man said, and Remus gratefully handed over their luggage. "Surprisingly light," the bellman said, feeling the bags looking confused. "Been doing this job for a while, usually can size up the weight of luggage. These have me perplexed."

Tonks and Remus looked at each other smiling. "We travel light," Tonks said, thanking the man as he held the door open for her.

The bellman led them inside to the reception desk, where they checked in with a man wearing the same uniform, who introduced himself as Richard.

"Hi, checking in, it's Remus Lupin," Remus said giving his name.

"And wife," Tonks chimed in happily.

"Newlyweds?" Richard asked smiling, as he typed Remus' name on a strange plastic keyboard.

"Just a few hours ago." Tonks said happily, holding onto Remus' arm.

"Congratulations," Richard said, still typing away. "Ah yes, Lupin. We have you staying with us until Saturday?"

"Yes, that's right." Remus said.

"Not much of a holiday." Richard said, continuing to type rapidly on the keyboard.

"Work," Tonks said with a grimace. "It was all the time we could get off."

"Shame that, but it's nice you'll have a few days away. And we will be happy to arrange anything you need during your time with us. Just dial on the phone in your room for one of our receptionists and they can make suggestions and reservations at any of the restaurants. Mr. Lupin, may we have a credit card on file for any added expenses?" he asked Remus.

"A what?" Remus said thoroughly confused.

"A credit card, we accept most major brands." Richard said, finally looking up from the keyboard, looking confused about Remus' confusion.

"We don't have any," Tonks said stepping in. "Don't like to deal with the interest rates."

"Too true, I keep telling my girlfriend to cut back using hers or she's going to be up to her eyeballs in debt." He said, looking back down to type something. Remus had no idea what was going on, or what the man could be typing so feverishly.

"Alright, here's your key," Richard said handing over a plastic keycard. "You're in room 215. The lifts are to the left and down the hall-"

"Ah, sorry, you haven't given us a key," Remus said, looking from the plastic keycard to the receptionist.

"It's right here, sir," Richard said, pushing the keycard further.

Tonks, again, stepped in taking the keycard from the desk and said, "Blind as a bat when he's tired. Sorry about that."

"No problem," Richard said. "Jim here will take your bags up with you. I hope you have a pleasant stay with us."

"Thanks," said Remus who was still utterly perplexed.

"This is the key," Tonks said under her breath, as the bellman was following close behind them.

"Dora, this is a piece of plastic." Remus said looking at the key with astonishment.

"How long has it been since you've been a Muggle?" Tonks said smiling.

"We live in a Muggle village," Remus said, pressing the button for the lifts to come, looking back at the bellman carrying their bags. He continued to lean in close whispering low as he said, "If you don't recall, I go down there often to the market for food. And you and I have been to the pub on a few occasions."

"Yes, but when were you last in a large Muggle town, and don't say London. There are too many magical places there."

"I don't know, but I'm telling you-" Remus said, but stopped as the lift doors opened and the three of them stepped inside. There was polite silence as the lift doors closed, Remus and Tonks held hands, leaning in close to another, the bellhop watching them awkwardly until it reached the second floor.

"Slow these lifts," Remus said quietly to Tonks as got off.

"Not at all like the ones at the Ministry. Those are much more efficient," she said.

Jim led them down the hall to 215 and waited expectantly for them to unlock the door. Tonks, slowly as to show Remus how to unlock the door, placed the plastic card in the slot where it made a clicking noise and a green light appeared. She then opened the door.

"Brilliant," Remus said watching the whole process with fascination. "Does it work with all the doors?"

"Just ours," Tonks said smiling over his childish fascination over something as mundane as a keycard.

"Anything else for you all this evening?" Jim said putting the bags down in the room.

"That's everything," Remus said, and the bellman made a quick bow before leaving them alone. The room was fantastic, large glass windows looked out to the sea. Remus opened them where they could hear the rolling and crashing of the waves along with the distant sounds of activity in the village. There was a large bed, much larger than the one they shared at home, with crisp white bedding which Tonks quickly flung herself on, bouncing a little as she landed. Remus grinned, taking off his shoes, hopped onto the bed alongside her.

"I don't think I have ever been so happy," Tonks said, turning her head to look at Remus. "Can you die of happiness?"

He turned his own head to stare at her, her eyes sparkling, staring at him with such love. He gently moved some of her brown hair away from her face before saying quietly, "In 1782 with the recent creation of the Elixir to Induce Euphoria, made popular in the French court of Versailles, a man tweaked the noise of the queen and subsequently had his head cut off. So yes, you could in theory die of happiness." He laughed at her expression, much louder than he intended to having had too much champagne.

Tonks closed her eyes, turning her head away from him laughing a little to herself. "Always the professor," she said. He sat up a little, leaning on bent arm to touch her cheek softly causing her to open her eyes, staring intently back at him.

"So that makes you, what, a professor's wife?" he said smiling.

"A professor's wife? Now there's something I never thought I'd be." Tonks said smiling back at him, lifting her head from the bed to kiss him. "But I like it."

He looked at her for a moment placing a gentle kiss on her nose, then on each cheek, before finally, temptingly, he kissed her mouth. Slow, intense was his kiss as he slid a hand under her head, bringing it closer to him. He wanted to take it slow, to make their first time together as man and wife something special. But she was too impatient, her hands working feverishly to unbuckle his belt and loosen his trousers.

"Dora," he said, stopping her hands from their desperate course of action. He sat up looking at her.

"What?" she said looking disappointed by his apparent lack of enthusiasm. But then she looked serious, as if realizing something, sitting up to look at him, cautiously saying, "Did you have too much to drink tonight? Is, uh, is everything okay, you know?" Her eyes flicked downward.

"No, no," he said quickly. "No, everything is fine in that way, believe me. I'm just saying, we don't have to rush, we're in no hurry."

"I know," she said pouting, "it's just, I've been waiting _all_ day to do this with you and I find I can't help myself now that we're alone together." She grinned at him seductively, playing coyly with the buttons on her blouse, slowly undoing three, revealing the tops of her round breasts, pushed upward with the support of a lacy red bra. No, there was certainly nothing wrong with Remus, watching his wife as she undid the last of the buttons, evidence of which was quickly becoming apparent. "Come on," she said slowly, provocatively, sliding her hand down his chest and stomach, lingering at the top of his trousers. "You know how I like it, _professor_."

"Oh, Dora," he said, his heart pounding in his ears, his breathing becoming faster, blood coursing hard through his veins, all thought of foreplay or romance forgotten. Climbing off the bed, he frantically removed his shirt and trousers, as she too moved from the bed, smiling triumphantly, ripping off her blouse before sliding herself out of her jeans. Clothes removed, left abandoned on the floor, they zealously ran to one other, crashing their mouths forcefully together, hands pressing hard on the other's back. There was no tenderness or caution between them, only wild raw passion, their lips and tongues fighting one another for dominance. Hands worked merely as a means to press themselves together further, harder, as though they could mesh themselves together into one being. Tonks bit down hard on his lower lip, pulling it between her teeth, and Remus let out a low moan deep from the back of his throat. Taking back control of his mouth, he dipped his head lower to suck and bite gently on her neck and down onto her shoulder, leaving his mark. Her back arched in the unique sensation of pleasure and pain from his actions, her nails pressing hard into his back. Looking back up into her eyes, Remus grinned, picking her up easily, she making low squeals of delight from being held this way. But instead of taking them back to the bed, he put her down hard on the desk in front of the window. She moaned when her body made contact with the wooden surface. Breathing heavily, chest rising and falling with excitement, her legs dangling off the edge of the desk, she looked at him, examining his body, which was eager and ready.

"Well? Are you going to fuck me, _professor_?" she said breathlessly, an eyebrow raised, smiling in appreciation of his bold gesture, moving her legs apart a little wider.

"Yes," Remus said hoarsely, engulfing her mouth with his own, taking in all of her, moving her body towards his so she was sitting on the edge of the desk, his body positioned between her legs. Pulling down her delicate red lace panties so forcibly he tore part of them, he broke away from their kiss, starting to apologize, but Tonks just said between frantic breaths and a frustrated moan, "Oh Merlin, just do it."

Needing no further instruction, Remus swiftly pulled down his boxers as she pulled off what was left her panties. Pushing her thighs apart wider, he thrust himself inside her, a loud cry of pleasure escaping her lips. His mouth curled into a grin from her response, excited he could please her in this way; he pulled out quickly before thrusting again this time harder, deeper. Escalating his movements seemed to escalate the response coming from her body, one hand gripping the edge of the table for support, the other pressed deeply into the already scarred skin on Remus' back, while his own hands held tight to her hips. The table was rocking and creaking under the force being exerted, banging against the painted blue walls, the lamp sitting on it trembling. From the loud breathing and moaning they both were emitting, Remus heard her say his name. Merlin, he loved the sound of his name when it passed her lips in ecstasy. Just the simple sound of his name drove him wild and it fueled his lustful appetite to give her what she wanted.

He felt his body coming close to the edge as she arched her back forcing her hips to grind into his, her nails curling tighter against his skin, he felt her muscles contracting around him and knew she was there. He pumped furiously into her, wanting to meet her at the moment when the body reaches nirvana; when every fiber of your being becomes consumed with the fiery delights of carnal pleasure, when all sense or reason has left, a moment of pure unadulterated bliss. Pushing, harder, faster he finally felt his body giving into his moment of release, shuddering, convulsing, everything he had leaving him as he held tightly to her, a great low moan of pleasure escaping his own lips. His legs weak, his body boneless, he held her close for support. She buried her face his chest, holding onto him now with both hands.

It was quick. It was unexpected. It was incredible.

The only sounds now were of their breathing, heavy and exaggerated, trying to regain control from such utter satisfaction. Tonks let her body fall backwards onto the desk, smiling, laughing, putting her hands over her eyes, shaking her head.

"What? What's so funny?" Remus asked, his breathing slowing, standing up a little straighter.

She lifted her torso, resting up on her elbows to look at him. "If I'd known you were capable of something like that, we'd have done it a long time ago."

"_I_ didn't know I was capable of something like that," he said relaxing, grinning, his hands feeling the smooth swell of her hips.

She sat up fully to look at him, an eyebrow arched in amusement, her hands tracing a scar on his stomach. "You know," she said coyly, "if you'd like, we can add role playing to our repertoire, _professor_."

"What, you'll be the naughty school girl and I'll be the professor, instructed to teach you a lesson?" he said shaking his head. "No, I think I might be too old for _those_ kinds of games."

"How many times must I tell you, Remus, you're not old." She said exasperatedly. "Besides, where is your Marauder spirit?"

"Are you going to bring up my past deviant exploits every time you want to do something wicked?" he said smiling.

"Absolutely," she said, kissing his flat stomach. "It helps to remind you that somewhere still, Mister Moony is lurking, waiting to come out and play."

"Mister Moony is not always the nicest fellow," Remus said. "He can get carried away with his mischievous nature and not always think about how it affects others, and can be rather selfish."

"Then perhaps he should take a note from Mister Padfoot and not think so much and just act. As Mister Moony's wife, I gladly welcome any completely unplanned, impish impulses he might have. Especially in regard to his marital privileges."

"So if Mister Moony was to pick up his wife, throw her onto the bed and ravish her again, she would be willing?"

"She would indeed," she said holding out her arms so he could do just that.

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><p>an: So, a wedding at last! Man and wife, bonded forever. Hopefully now Remus can set aside his worry, and bring Mister Moony out again. But like Mad-Eye's warning, danger is lurking everywhere, even in Muggle resort villages...

Thank you so much for sticking with this story, and this chapter, I know it was a bit long. It originally was two chapters, but I wanted to make sure that I got through the wedding and was moving the plot along. Important details are coming soon! A big big thank you to everyone who has added this story as a favorite, or has clicked the review button and said a few words. Anything and everything is very much loved and appreciated and it really helps me to get these chapters out (hopefully) on time.


	10. Sand, Sea, and Sensibilities

**a/n: **these characters are the property of jk rowling and warner brothers. i merely play with them so as to give them their moment in the sun (quite literally since in this chapter they're at the beach). no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations (this is the honeymoon after all), language and mild violence (in later chapters). this chapter is all just a bit of fun and loads of fluff. ye have been warned...

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><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Sand, Sea, and Sensibilities<strong>

It was nearing the afternoon when Remus woke the next day. The sun, though barely visible in a cloudy sky, was beating down through the open window warming their naked bodies that were hardly covered by the white sheets on the bed. Lifting his head up slowly, his body not wanting to move, Remus looked around the room. If he hadn't known any better he would have thought they had been burgled; clothes and linens everywhere, a lamp had been knocked over, the wooden desk had made marks on the light blue wall. He grinned, burying his head into his pillow remember what they had done last night. He could not believe how much he had let go of his inhabitations, and how much more pleasurable it was for both of them. He looked over to his wife, sleeping sounding, her mouth slightly open, her brown hair wild and thoroughly disheveled, covering much of her beautiful face. His _wife_. He felt as though there had been some mistake, that this was not his life but someone else's he had happily stumbled into. But there was no mistaking the silver band on his left hand, nor his mother's wedding ring on the woman sleeping next to him. He gently moved some of her hair, attempting to wake her gently, but even the light touch of his fingers against her cheek startled her.

"Whose there?" she cried out sitting bolt upright, her eyes barely open, her hand grasping for a wand that was not there.

"Nymphadora," Remus said gently, bemused with her reaction, "it's just me."

"Remus?" she said looking around confused, pushing her hair out of her face. "Oh. Remus," she said, finally seeing him through half lidded eyes, "I thought you were a Death Eater."

"That must have been some dream you were having," he said, pulling her back down so she could rest her head. He loved the feeling of her soft skin against his rough body, the weight of her head against his chest, the feeling of her warm breath against his skin.

"To be honest I can't remember what it was about," she said quietly, nestling herself into him. "Good morning, Mr. Lupin," she said quietly, as though seeing him for the first time, looking up expectantly, waiting to be kissed.

"Good morning Mrs. Lupin," he said lowering his head to kiss her slowly, tenderly.

"Mm, I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing that," she said, her eyes closed, looking peaceful and content.

"Then I will never stop saying it," he said, kissing her again, drawing her in, his desire for her growing stronger as a hand ran down her back, tracing the outline of each vertebra, her skin warm from the late morning sunlight. She slowly moved her lithe body forward to push herself on top of him, her breasts pressing hard against his chest, her hands moving through his hair, pulling it hard against his scalp as she felt his hands moved to grasp tightly to her hips, before his fingers, teasingly, made their way between her thighs. She broke away from his kiss, inhaling sharply as his fingers found her most sensitive area, a low moan caught in the back of her throat. Her hips moved involuntarily, grinding against the feeling of him playing with her.

"You, are… such, a tease," she said breathlessly, running hot kisses down his neck. But her mouth stopped, opening wide as Remus found a particularly sensitive area, rubbing hard against it. She bit down on his shoulder, stifling a cry of pleasure, one hand twisting into the bed sheets, the other gripping tightly to the muscles on his chest, but he had not brought her over the edge. Not yet.

He loved watching her battle her ecstasy, loved watching how he was able to make her feel like this, with this burning ferocity in the physical act of love. She tried moving her hips away from him, tried connecting herself to him, but he was stubborn. He wanted to hear her say it.

"Please," she begged him, freeing herself away from his hand, waiting for the connection of his own desperate desire.

"Please, what?" he asked smartly, his own breath shallow from trying hard not to lose control, knowing full well what she wanted, because Merlin, he wanted it to.

She opened her eyes to look at him fiercely, intensely, passionately, the pleading and longing so apparent in her dark eyes. But she smiled, her head dipping low, her warm breath next to his face, as she hissed in his ear. "I want _you_ in me."

He let out a moan at her words, so crass, yet it sent tingles down to his very core, making his longing for her even greater. He put his hands back on her hips, watching as she lowered herself slowly down the length of him until he was completely buried inside of her. They both made urgent cries of pleasure in the connection of their bodies, Remus' hips moving up meeting with hers, deeper, as though trying to reach up and find her very soul. But her hips moved slowly against him, a hand pressed against his chest for leverage, taking her time to feel him inside her, riding him, her head tilted back with satisfaction.

"Whose the tease now?" he said, his breathing hoarse, his desire for her setting every nerve in his body ablaze, urging him to take control, to propel their bodies further and faster. The smile on her face told him she knew how much he was suffering, knew how much he liked to be the one in control.

"Yesterday, you said we should take it, mmm... slow," she said taunting him, her body responding to the way Remus' hands were clutching desperately, tightly to the skin on her hips, nails pressing deep, his expression pained at the frustration and pleasure in her deliberate movements.

"I was wrong," he said desperately, his body moving hard against hers, his pleasure overwhelming him. It was madness, the sheer agony and ecstasy of these slow movements.

"The _professor_, wrong?" she said breathlessly, moving her torso forward, pushing her hips back, to give him a unique sensation from this angle, the word "professor" driving him wild.

"Yes, oh Merlin, yes," Remus said, closing his eyes.

"Well then," she breathed and Remus found he could not take it any longer. Pressing her hard against his chest, he rolled them over, still intimately connected, Tonks let out something akin to a gleeful moan, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, happily waiting for him. Supporting himself with his arms, he thrust further into her, her head tilted back hard into the bed, a loud groan escaping her lips. "Remus," she panted, her body rocking against the force his hips as he moved in and out of her. It wasn't long until all his frenzied movements brought them swiftly over the edge together.

He collapsed on top of her, pining her beneath him, their breathing heavy and erratic, their bodies slick with sweat.

She started to laugh beneath him and Remus rolled over on his back to look at her.

"You know," he said shaking his head smiling, "you need to stop laughing every time we do this. It can really break a man's confidence."

"No, no, it's not that, it's just… there must be something in the water here." She said grinning, running her hand through his tousled hair. "You have never been quite so unafraid or vocal in your needs."

"I think it's thanks to you Mrs. Lupin," he said, rolling on his side to look at her properly. "You're the one who's inspiring such amorous affections."

"'Amorous affections'?" she laughed. "Well whatever I'm doing, I'll certainly continue to do so."

A roll of thunder interrupted the sound of their breathing. Tonks sat up in bed, looking out the window to the grey skies, raining falling lightly against the glass. She quickly got out of bed to close the window. "It appears nature is conspiring against us in our attempts to go to the beach." She said, continuing to look out the window toward the waters. "Looks like a nasty storm is blowing through."

Remus climbed out of bed, walking over to stare out the window, wrapping his arms around her naked body. "I suppose this means were stuck in this room all day," he said, dipping his head low to kiss her neck.

"Such a shame," she said, tilting her head back further to give him more access to the delicate skin, the rain coming down harder.

At some point later that afternoon, they realized how ravenous they were for actual food and decided to venture down to the hotel dining room. The hotel guests enjoying their mid afternoon tea hardly seemed to notice how they were wearing the same clothes from last night, or the bruise-like marks on their necks, or that they both seemed to be in desperate need of a shower. Most of the Muggles only seemed to be interested in complaining loudly how they had not paid to sit indoors while it rained, that they came here to be on the beach, staring daggers at the staff, as though the hotel was responsible for the poor weather. Tonks and Remus ignored them all, not really paying attention what they had ordered off of the lunch menu, their thoughts returning to the bedroom.

"Bad weather this," Remus said, making small talk as the waiter brought them their first course.

"Shame," Tonks said with mock sadness.

"Do you want to explore any of the village later?" Remus said as he chewed his salad, really hoping her answer to be no. "I know we don't have loads of time here."

"Perhaps," she said looking thoughtful, swallowing some of her soup, wrinkling her nose. "I always order French onion soup thinking I like it, but I never do. I just like the cheese on top. Remind me of that next time I order it. Anyway, we could explore the village, go into some shops to keep out of the rain. It's not everyday we can be so far removed from everything going on back home."

"I suppose you're right," Remus said. "It is nice for a change not to worry so much."

"So much?" Tonks said, raising a precarious eyebrow. "What's there to worry about on holiday?"

"Well, like being discreet with using_ you know what_," he said lowering his voice.

"Easy enough to do. Just put our wands away and not think about using them." She said, using her fork to pick up one of the tomatoes on Remus' plate.

"And Mad-Eye's warning to us before we left," Remus said, biting into a piece of bread, thinking of Moody's disturbing warning of how Death Eaters were everywhere.

"Mad-Eye being Mad-Eye," she said simply. "He's the one who could do with a nice long holiday. Might help to mellow him out. And?"

"And what might be happening while we're gone." Remus said swallowing more of his salad. "Things can happen in an instant in times like these and don't tend to wait until we're back from holiday."

"The Or... _work_ will let us know if something goes awry." she said smiling to the waiter who had come back to collect their empty plates and refill their water glasses. She looked at Remus attentively. "What else has you so worried?"

"Well... whether or not you're... enjoying yourself," he said, slightly sheepishly looking down at his empty place setting. He was never one to be so forthcoming in asking for anything out of the ordinary. Before Tonks, the rare few times he had been with a woman, he was just happy she was willing to be with him in that capacity and that for a few moments, she didn't mind or know what he was and simply saw him as a man. After their recent entanglements, however, Remus was feeling rather bold, wanting to try new things, but above all, wanted to make sure she was enjoying herself and he wasn't being too brazen in his asking. Mister Moony could be very selfish in matters such as these.

"Sweetheart, you never have to worry about me on that account," she said seriously, looking him in the eye. "If you're not giving me exactly-" Remus felt her slender foot traveling up his thigh under the table- "what I want, I'll let you know."

He blushed scarlet as the waiter came back to bring them their meal.

"We'll have the cheque when you get a chance," Tonks said to the waiter, grinning over Remus' discomfort. Remus was just glad the tablecloth draped low enough over the table that no one close could see what she was doing.

They hurried through the meal, and as quickly as they could they passed through the lobby and waited impatiently for the lifts. Finally, getting up to the second level, seeing no one on their floor, they ran to their room, Remus fumbling with trying to use the plastic keycard until Tonks took it from him to easily open the door.

Clothes were thrown off and put back in their scattered positions on the floor, and Remus vaguely registered someone had been in to tidy up as the bed was made and the floor was clear of clutter. Tonks was looking devious, as she made her way toward the bed, standing, waiting expectantly for him. Remus, hearing the all too familiar blood pounding through his ears, quickly made his way over to her, kissing her roughly, his wanton hands exploring the familiar skin on her back, making their way hungrily around to her pert breasts. Massaging them, his lips trailed hot, wet kisses along her collarbone as her hands pressed themselves hard into his back in her need to be close to him. He could feel her body tensing in anticipation has his head dipped lower, his kisses moving toward her breasts. He hesitated a moment before enveloping her nipple with his warm mouth, sucking gently on it, tugging on it between his teeth, his tongue running along the taut skin. Tonks made a noise of unexpected pleasure, fueling Remus' desire and boldness. He started to move a hand down her stomach-

But she found him first, her hand wrapping around his hard member, stroking it, making him groan under the feeling of being touch in this manner. His mouth no longer seemed to work in his pleasing her, as he gasped under the force she was exerting on him, bringing him so close to completion. But she stopped before she could bringing him any closer to the edge, grinning at the look of disappointment on his face.

"What do _you_ want?" she breathed, her small tongue running along his neck, before her mouth sucked on his earlobe.

"Wha-" he said, his concentration on his breathing and frustration made it hard for him to think.

"I said," she grabbed him once more, and he moaned at being touched again so roughly "what do you want? You've pleased me, it's only fair I please you."

"T-turn around," he said thinking only of her hand on him.

"That's better," she said, releasing him so she could turn around, her back facing him. "Now what?"

But he did not give her any further instructions. He forcibly bent her over so she had to support herself with her arms on the edge of the bed, and took her from behind. She screamed in ecstasy as he entered her, her back arching in unanticipated pleasure. He thrusted into her fiercely, without thought or reason, his rational mind only on his pleasure, continuing to quickly move in and out of her, the bed making ominous creaking noises. Too quickly, much too quickly for his liking, he felt himself at the edge, thrusting hard a few more times before feeling her muscles contracting around him, as she cried out with the force of his lasciviousness. They stood there for a few moments, breathing heavily, their bodies reeling from the delights of the flesh. Panting, Tonks climbed a little further onto the bed, before collapsing utterly, her body boneless and weak from feeling completely satiated. Remus blinked, unable to see her face. He had never in his life done anything like that. What was it about her that turned him into a sex crazed animal? This wasn't even a week before a full moon.

He collapsed onto the expertly made bed, laying on his back next to her, still breathing heavily, his chest rising and fall trying to take in much needed oxygen.

"I told you," she said, turning her head towards him, as he watched her back rising and falling with the force of her own breathing. "You shouldn't worry about me enjoying myself. I usually tend to get what I want."

"I don't know where that came from," he said, running a hand through his hair, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't even _think_ like that..."

"Blame it on Mister Moony," she mused.

"You're okay?" he asked looking back to her flushed face.

"I am _more_ than okay," she said, a staggered laugh coming from her, clearly amused over his unnecessary concern. "Why are you so shy and reluctant when it comes to these things? Why can't you revel in your own sexual triumphs?"

"I'm..." Remus began but couldn't really voice his feeling. "I don't want to disappoint you."

"Sweetheart, you have never disappointed me."

"You're clearly a bit more, _experienced_ than I am in these matters," he said as delicately as he could, trying hard not to make her feel like some common harlot.

"Probably not _that_ much more experienced," she said, her eyes slightly narrowed at his implication and he knew he might have overstepped his boundaries.

"It's not that I'm saying you've had more practice at this," he said quickly, "I'm just saying that you are a far more venturesome person than I am."

"Boldness doesn't necessarily translate into experience," she said, her eyes still slightly narrowed.

"But you have a better understanding of your body, and what you like. Before we were together, it had been, well, a while..."

She lifted her body up to rest her head against her bent arm, looking at him with a rather unreadable expression. "How many 'experiences' have you had Remus?"

"Total?" he asked.

"Best guess," she said. "And I don't count."

It was easy enough to count every woman he had ever been with. "Six," he said slowly, thinking the number when said aloud sounded entirely too low. At Hogwarts alone, Sirius had been with double that amount, though Sirius did tend to exaggerate.

There was a momentary silence before she said simply, "Four, not counting you."

"Four?"

"Four. And one of them was when I got really pissed one night, so I don't think it counts. But that's it. It's not that I've had more blokes poking me, it's that when I'm really comfortable and trust someone, I'm not shy with what I want."

"Dora, I'm sorry if I've made you feel awkward. This is not me, you know that. I don't always talk about these things. I really dropped a clanger with all this, I'm so sorry-"

"There's no need to apologize Remus," she said. "It's only natural to want to know who our past lovers were. I've always been curious myself who you've been with, but I have a little more tack than to ask right after we've shagged."

"I'm sorry," he said rolling over to fully look into her eyes, but she was smiling.

"I'm not angry," she said, reaching out her free arm to indicate she wanted to hold him, "I have you all to myself now so it doesn't matter who was in the past. You're with me, here and now, and forever. There will be plenty of time to learn all of that, should we want to share that part of our past."

Remus held onto her, grateful for someone so understanding, for someone who did not think him incompetent or too naive in these matters. He was with grateful he had married someone who knew that sex was more than just a means of escape or having a few moments of meaningless pleasure. She clearly found it sacred, something that was done between two people who respected one another enough to be so vulnerable and intimate. But it was also clear that she had a much more active imagination, and libido. Remus smiled into her hair thinking about a lifetime with her to discover what it was that truly made her blissful. Crawling under the clean white sheets, holding one another, listening to the rain falling in great waves against the window, Remus found himself content. Not for the first time today he questioned if this was really _his_ life.

"We'll have to come back for a proper holiday next time. A fortnight at least." She said sleepily.

"We probably won't be able to leave for such a long period of time with the current state of affairs, so another holiday might have to wait."

"It's amazing to think about how all these people are in horrible danger should You-Know-Who take over, yet they are completely oblivious to the fact that there are wizards sacrificing themselves everyday for them."

"Telling the Muggles about the war would expose our world."

"Would that really be so bad?" she said looking at him thoughtfully.

"Just think of how selfish human nature is. They would try to exploit us, use our magic for their gains not thinking of the consequences. Besides, wizards typically cannot get along with non-magical people. Even if they disagree with Voldemort and his beliefs, most still find Muggles ignorant and unworthy of their respect."

"But Muggles aren't stupid, they can be quite clever."

"I know that, and if it wasn't for Muggles, you nor I would be here." Remus said, thinking about his Muggleborn mother, and her Muggleborn father.

"Hmm, a terrible thought, if there was never a Remus Lupin," she said, settling herself closer into his body.

"A much more terrible thought if there never was a Nymphadora Tonks." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"Nymphadora Lupin," she corrected him, and he felt her smile against his chest. They lay there peacefully, their bodies breathing almost as one, as the soothing sounds of rain and the turbulent sea drifted them off to sleep.

Having gone to bed so early in the day, they woke up around nine later that night, the rain coming down harder than ever, and so contented themselves with watching something on the TV in their room, ordering room service, before drifting back off to sleep, their bodies so physically exhausted from paces they had been putting them through.

Remus' dreams that night were turbulent, and disturbing and more than once he woke up reaching for his wand. The dreams were realistic, yet, when he woke, they instantaneously became fuzzy and hard to recall. After such a fitful night of sleep, he woke early the next morning, the bright sun beaming through a cloudless sky. Getting out of bed, he put his pants on before walking over to open the window. It was a beautiful day, the rain last night had left the sand on the beach dimpled and moist, the waters, so rough before, were calmly making their steady motion of rolling back and forth. So peaceful was the world outside he forgot for a moment that there was ever a war, that there was even a Voldemort. He showered and changed, debating whether or not to wake his wife. Knowing how much she enjoyed sleeping in, he made his way back down to the dining room, where there was a wide variety of food for breakfast. Having a cup of coffee and some toast, Remus sat and read a complimentary copy of the local newspaper, looking for the weather report. "Clear skies with a chance of rain" it read beneath a happy cartoon sun. He mused a while over the Muggle news, before heading back to their room to wake Nymphadora.

"Good morning wife," Remus said, his voice low, kissing her pale cheek. She stirred reluctantly, frowning.

"Husband dear, the point of a holiday is you don't have to wake up so early." She said groggily, not opening her eyes, turning her bare back to him. He smiled at her. He knew how much she liked to sleep in, and certainly after their exploits from yesterday, he could have slept in later, but it was already quarter past nine and most of the tourists were already on the beach taking the best spots. And he still needed to find himself proper beach attire.

"My darling wife," he said patiently, "we have a rather limited holiday here and I would like to make the most of it. It's not everyday we are at the seaside, and there is a beautiful clear sky, the sun is shining, and it's lovely and warm out."

She groaned, rolling back over to look at him, shielding her eyes from the bright morning sun. "Must you always be the sensible one?"

"Someone has to," he said kindly.

"Bloody hell, are you already dressed?" she said looking at him, scratching her head, her hair thoroughly disheveled.

"I've been up for a while," he said. "I wanted to go down and save us some spots on the beach, but I worried about leaving our things unattended. And even if I were to go down, you wouldn't know where to find me."

Sighing she said mockingly, "Perfectly and sanely logical. I take it we won't be seeing Mister Moony any time soon," grinning mischievously, she reached her hand up to run her fingers through his clean hair.

"Mister Moony certainly can be persuaded to come back," he said, moving his head downward as though to kiss her but stop just before doing so saying, "but he'd much rather build sandcastles with his wife."

She laughed, her whole body shaking with joy. "Sandcastles?" she asked. "My, this is certainly a more playful side I have discovered."

"Well, I fully intend to enjoy myself while we're here, and much of that involves you, _more_ of what we did yesterday, and going down to the beach for the first time in over thirty years."

Her laughter died as she searched his face looking worried. "You haven't been to the beach in over _thirty_ years?" she said.

"Last time I was ever remotely near a body of water, excluding the lake at Hogwarts, was when my parents, my Muggle grandparents and I went on holiday when I was about four or five." Remus said seriously.

She sat up in bed, completely unaware of her nakedness as she looked at him with a grimace. "Remus, do you even know how to swim?"

"I can honestly say, I don't think so." He said, scratching the back of his head. "I can vaguely recall my father taking me into the sea showing me how to tread water, but he held me up much of the time. I mean, it's never been high on my list of priorities to try and learn properly."

"Sweetheart, I had no idea." She said looking at him with a mix of pity and alarm.

"It's alright, it's not a skill I've found the need to have, I mean, we're not going to be chasing Voldemort into the Atlantic are we?"

"So I guess surfing is out?" she said, giving him a small smile.

"For more reasons than the critical issue of my drowning, surfing is definitely out." He said, smiling back at her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his mouth.

"Right," she said, breaking away from him, looking seriously around the room. "Where did our bags get to?"

"They're still right there." He said, pointing to their bags which had not been touched since their arrival two days ago.

"Then I will just pop my cozzy on, and we'll head down. You didn't pack any beach towels did you?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be the sensible one, now would I?" he said smiling, watching her naked form climb out of bed, stretching out her limbs as she walked over to her traveling bag. She was so beautiful in her nakedness, her brown hair wavy, falling down her back, her pale creamy skin glowing in the early morning sunlight. Rummaging through her bag, she pulled out what Remus could only conclude to be rather revealing undergarments.

"Uh, Dora," he said, as she tied the strings on the halter bikini top, pulling the small triangular pieces of brightly colored polka-dotted fabric so they covered her breasts more completely. "You're not wearing that in public are you?"

"Why, don't you like it?" she said, turning around to show him her bikini, pulling her hair back into a high messy bun.

"I certainly do, but I think every man for three counties would as well." He said, his eyes scanning her perfect body in the bright bikini.

She smiled as she walked over to him, kissing his cheek saying, "Aw, you're sweet."

"No really Dora, do Muggle women wear that to the beach?" he said watching her head back into the bathroom to examine her own appearance. She turned to head to look at him.

"Yes, Remus," she said not bothering to keep the laughter from her voice. "Speaking of which, rummage through my bag. I bought you swimming shorts." She closed the door to the bathroom so she could have a moment of privacy.

He walked over to search through what seemed like her entire wardrobe in the small bag. "They really did a number on this Undetectable Extension Charm. There is a massive amount of room in here." He called out to her, continuing to search through the mountain of clothes, much too many for their short holiday.

"Yeah, mum bought that bag for me when I graduated from Hogwarts. It's brilliant." She called back from the closed bathroom. Finally, Remus found a pair of shorts that looked much too big for Tonks' petite frame. They appeared to be no different than any other pair of shorts, navy blue with a white stripe across the top. However, the material was different, not cotton or wool, something lighter and unnatural.

"Oh good, you found them." she said coming out of the bathroom. "I knew better than to buy anything too bright or obnoxious. But I _was_ tempted. And I realized while I bought them, I've never seen you in shorts before."

"That's because I'm much too lanky to look attractive in a pair of shorts. But Dora, is this all I wear?" he asked.

"It really has been thirty years, hasn't it?" she asked smiling. "Yep, that's all you wear."

"No shirt?" he asked hesitantly, and she suddenly knew why he was so concerned. All of his scars.

"I suppose you could wear a shirt," she said slowly. "But you have nothing to be ashamed of Remus."

"People will notice Dora," he said sadly.

"So what? We'll never see them again. Let them think what they will."

"You don't think people will come up and say something?" he asked, still not convinced. "What would I tell them if they asked where they all came from?"

"Say you were in a car crash or had a bad fight with a dog." She said, shrugging her shoulders. "But I wouldn't even bother telling them that, because if they do, I'm telling them to sod off and mind their own business."

He chuckled a little, looking back down at the shorts. "Alright, I'll try it. But I'm not sure about this."

"What did you think you were going to swim in? Your button down and trousers?" she asked.

"Or something like that," he said, thinking of the pictures he'd seen of Muggles with the long striped Edwarian bathing costumes, as he walked back into the bathroom to change.

It had taken him a while to allow her to see his entire body, all of his scars, all of his imperfections, all of the reminders of what he could do. Even in their coupling he was shy about her seeing him in the daylight, as though the sight of something so unnatural would turn her away, repulsed. He was terribly self-conscious of them and normally covered up his body, even on the hottest days in the height of summer, it was rare for him to even put on a short-sleeved tee. Pulling the shorts on, he had to tie the strings tightly so they wouldn't fall off his hips. They weren't terrible. They came down almost to his knees, which helped to cover up a particularly nasty scar on his right thigh, but his chest, arms, and calves were very much exposed.

There was a small knock on the door before Tonks let herself in. "Let me see," she said coming in to see him. "Oh, those fit you well. I was a little worried they might be too big. You are rather difficult to shop for sweetheart 'cause your weight fluctuates so much. Molly Weasley clearly needs to do a better job in fattening you up because Merlin knows I can't cook." She said, nodding her head in approval, smiling. "Give us a spin."

He reluctantly turned around slowly for her so she could examine him from every angle. "Lovely." She said smiling, coming up to kiss his worried mouth. "What's the matter?"

"It's rather gruesome," he said, looking back to his reflection.

"Stop that, it is not." She said looking into the mirror to try to see what he saw. "You're really fit Remus Lupin, and anyone who says otherwise is blind or jealous."

"But the scars, Dora, there is no way-"

"There's no way you're _not_ coming down to the beach with me, just as you are. Fuck what other people might think. It's not like the Muggles will see your scars and automatically think, 'oh, well there is a werewolf on the beach, honey, grab the kids and run'. They'll simply see a man with a few cuts and scrapes, with his gorgeous new bride having a wonderful time."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, I _do_ want to go, I'm excited to go, but if it's going to make you or anyone else uncomfortable-"

"Remus the only way you could make me uncomfortable is if you ran starkers up and down the beach screaming, which I know you'd never do."

"Well, they'll probably be too busy staring at you Mrs. Lupin and pay no attention to me." He said, coming up behind her, wrapping possessive arms around her body, and looking at the way they simply fit together in their reflection in the mirror. He never in a million years would have thought, when meeting Tonks for the first time, that she would be someone he would fall in love with, let alone marry. She was completely unlike any other woman he had ever been interested in, yet she was just the type of woman he needed. He needed her brass comments, forcing him to look past his insecurities and enjoy living in the moment.

"I love you so much," he said, bending his neck to kiss her.

"I love you more," she said smiling contentedly.

"Impossible." He said, kissing her mouth roughly as though to prove his point.

They got the rest of their gear together, Tonks putting on pink plastic flip flops and a white cotton dress to cover up her suit while they walked through the lobby, Remus put on cotton shirt, and even was wangled into wearing a pair of leather thonged sandals Tonks had also purchased for him. "I mean really, are you going to go down the beach, with all the _sand_ wearing anything else?" It felt rather odd, having something between his toes, and was completely unaccustomed to the light slapping sound of the sandal moving against his foot with each step.

They followed the road down to the beach, Remus holding onto the beach towels, Tonks carrying a small tote with sunblock, a book, their money for the day, and both of their wands, just in case. Her eyes were framed in large black sunglasses, and she happily held onto Remus' free hand, swinging his arm as they walked the lane together. Remus found he was getting rather excited, as they came closer and closer to the sea, the sounds of the waves crashing on shore becoming louder, the laughter and chatter of the many families already gathered becoming more distinct, the call of gulls as they flew with the summer breeze before coming down to solid earth irritating those with food.

The minute the road ended and everything became sand, Remus thought he might have to go back on the promise of not running and screaming like a mad man. The feeling of the sand on his toes, getting underneath his feet as he and Tonks walked along the beach looking for a spot they could lay their belongings out made him wanted to run with a childlike sense of enthusiasm. The feeling of the sand became a catalyst for old memories, memories he had note recalled in ages. But it wasn't just memories, there were also smells, flashes of color and sound that hit him with the force of a charging Hippogriff. Everything started coming back to him: the feeling of the waters lapping at his body, his father's hands protectively holding onto his son. He remembered the smell of the zinc his mother slathered on him in the fear of him freckling, and the red swimming costume she wore. He remembered his grandparents, always ready with a cool drink or a friendly hug, encouraging him to be more adventurous and explore the tide pools. And for some reason, he remembered a little girl, blonde hair in pigtails, playing with her in the sand, digging out a trench for the moat of their lopsided, crumbling castle, shells and sticks providing decorative touches. He remembered his parent's laughter, he remembered them kissing one another, remembered each of them holding onto one of his arms so he could swing between them as they walked. He remembered being happy.

Walking through the crowds gathered, each with their own set of family or friends, he was glad that his first time back was with someone he loved, glad that he was with his family.

Finally, finding a spot between an older couple who were napping, and a young couple with a rowdy toddler and a child of about five, Tonks immediately kicked off her flip-flops, and Remus did the same, able to feel fully the unique sensation of the warm grainy minuscule pebbles, worn down after thousands of years tumbling around in the waves. He laid the towels out for both of them, as Tonks took off her white dress. She sat down on the towel Remus had laid out and reached into her bag for the sunblock.

"Come here, we don't want you burning," she said, holding out her cream filled hands, indicating she would rub it into his skin. "You are so pale, sweetheart, does your poor body ever see sunlight? Someone would think you're a vampire." Remus looked around quickly as though the Muggles would catch onto them with the word "vampire". No one noticed. He gave her a momentary look of doubt, before he slowly took off his shirt.

"See?" she said after he looked around expectantly to hear someone scream. He smiled, thinking he might just get away with being perfectly ordinary for one glorious day. Applying the cream to his back and chest, she rubbed the extra onto her own body. Remus saw a twenty-something year old man and his mate checking her out while they walked by, and so glared protectively at the two making them walk a little faster. He chuckled at their startled expressions as Tonks asked, "What is it?"

"I'm just so damn happy," he said looking around at where he was, not quite believing he was really here.

"That makes two of us," she said leaning over to kiss his smiling mouth, her glasses bumping awkwardly against his face. "Since this is more or less your first time to the sea, what would you like to do first?"

"Anything, everything," he said looking out to the vast blue grey sea, rolling along in the perpetual chaotic motion. He looked out to the cliffs that ran along the shoreline, carved out from hundreds of thousands of years of battling the elements. There was such beauty in the world, and even with the obnoxious sounds of children screaming, he felt so at peace. "Perhaps for a moment we might just lie here."

"Works for me," she said, lying out on her towel, taking off her glasses, closing her eyes to appreciate the rays of warm sunshine. He leaned back on his hands, turning his face toward the sun, his skin so unaccustomed to this much sunlight, gratefully began to absorb the warmth and vitamin D.

But it was not for long he could lie there doing nothing. His childlike sense of exploration made his body restless, wanting to move, wanting to touch and see everything.

"Dora," he said, looking over to Tonks, whose eyes were still closed.

"Hmm," she said, and Remus had the impression she might have gone back to sleep.

"I'll race you to the water," he said grinning. Her eyes immediately popped open, sitting up straight; she looked at him, delight in her eyes, and said, "You're on."

They scrambled to get to their feet, kicking sand onto their towels as they ran as fast as they could in the unstable sand, weaving in and out of families and beach chairs and brightly colored umbrellas. Remus was the first to reach the water's edge. It was cold as it lapped merrily on his feet.

"It's not fair, you have such long legs," Tonks said, catching up to him, breathing hard from trying to sprint. She looked to the water and then to the hesitant expression on Remus' face. "Scared?" she asked playfully.

"How deep does it get?" he said, walking a little further into the cool waters.

"I'm sure we'll figure it out as we walk in. And we don't have to go any further than you want. I don't need you panicking and drowning."

"Thanks for that," he said, starting to feel more scared than he thought he rightly should. It was just water. Cold, salty water, that could possible kill him…

"Nope," she said, pushing him a little further into the water, as though she had read his thoughts about turning around and trying again another time. "At least go to where it's up to your waist. There is something very soothing about being surrounded by water."

"Or terrifying," he muttered, shivering as he slowly walked deeper, feeling the ebb and flow of the current. "It's freezing."

"When we get a little further, put your whole body under, it will adjust quicker and it won't be so cold."

"Isn't that what I'm trying to avoid, my head underwater?"

"What, you've never taken a bath and put your head underwater?" she said teasingly, leading him further, the water now at his hip.

"Not the same thing Dora," he said.

"Oh come on," she said and before he could say another word, she dove into incoming wave, her body not resurfacing until the wave had crested and made it to shore. She popped her head back up, her hands wiping away the salt water from her eyes. "See, perfectly safe." She said happily, coming back over to where he was standing. "Put your head under, your body will get adjusted to the cold faster. I won't let you die, I promise." Remus walked a little further out, taking one last look at the surface world, breathing in a large gulp of air before ducking the rest of his body and head into the murky grey depths. Just as quickly as he went under, he popped back up.

"Refreshing," he muttered spitting out salt water.

"Is that all?" she said, jumping a little as each new wave came rolling towards them. Remus realized she was too short when the swell of the waves became too rough. "I would have thought you would be having the time of your life by now."

"I suppose there is something to be said for trying to stand against the pull in the current, the feeling of being completely helpless against the tug of nature." He said. It was rather like the coming of the full moon, the feeling of being pulled away, no longer in control.

"I love it!" she said happily, jumping up a little higher when a large wave peaked over her head, pulling her head underwater.

"Dora!" he said frantically moving towards the spot where she went under, his legs moving against the tide, making his progress slow and laborious. But she resurfaced, spitting out the coarse water, laughing, and pushing stray hairs that had escaped her bun away from her face.

"You scared me!" he said, his breathing rapid from the sudden surge of adrenaline.

"I'm fine, that's the fun of the sea. You are at the mercy of the water!"

"Well, I think I'm rather done for the moment," he said trying to steady his heartbeat.

"Oh come on now," she said swimming towards his solitary figure. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist. He unconsciously moved his hands under her buttocks to support her, the lessening of gravity in water making her feel lighter, as though she could float away with a powerful undertow. "Now this is rather romantic." She said, leaning her head in to kiss his pouting mouth all wet and salty.

"There is nothing romantic about drowning." He said sternly, but his defenses were no match to the look of joy in her eyes and he quickly broke down to admit he _was_ rather enjoying himself. "Well, I suppose with you here, you can always protect me from myself."

"I usually tend to do that," she said laughing lightly. "Does that make _me_ the sensible one now?"

"How about this. For today, you can be the sensible one," he said. "And as the sensible member of this relationship, you are allowed to decide what is appropriate."

"Hmm, you mean like this," she said slipping one hand down his chest and into his shorts.

"Nymphadora!" he said, looking around to see if anyone was watching them, squirming from being touched in that manner. "I didn't mean that kind of appropriate, I meant just what we should do with the rest of our day!"

"Well _sensibly_, we're out in the middle of the sea, everyone is paying attention to themselves or their families, they would hardly notice if I'd do something _in_appropriate."

"Dora," he said warningly.

"Fine, fine," she said removing her hand, bringing it back to his neck.

"Thank you." He said, straightening his body a little, trying to shake off his sudden feeling of desire.

"But later, when we are alone, I can decide what is appropriate?" she said, an impish grin on her face.

Remus grinned. "That works for me. I may even invite Mister Moony to join us."

"I'd rather hoped you would."

They played around in the water awhile longer before Remus, from fighting off the current, and Tonks' constantly wandering hands, felt rather drowsy. They walked back up the beach to their towels, lying down without drying off. Remus put his hands behind his head, closing his eyes, enjoying the sensation of the sun drying off his wet skin.

"Oh bugger," he heard Tonks muttered. Opening his eyes, he looked to her to see what the matter was. She glanced around before showing him the book she had brought down with her to read: _The Evolution of Dark Creatures or How Wizards Became Monsters_, one of the books Remus had been using as a reference in his research. "I wanted to read more about, _you know what_, but I can't do that with the _you know whats-its_ around." She said, gesturing to all of the Muggles around them.

"You wanted to read more about," he leaned in closer to quietly say, "lycanthropy?"

"Yeah, I wanted to educated myself a little more," she said looking sheepish as she put away the book. "I'm woefully ignorant when it comes to your condition. I mean, the thing with silver? I should have known better. And it made me wonder what else I don't know."

"Dora," he said, touched at her care and concern, but disturbed she was looking further into a topic that would provide her with gruesome details, that book in particular, which took a rather discriminating view on werewolves. "Anything you want to know, you can always ask me."

"But you can get so defensive sometimes, and I don't want to embarrass myself by revealing my ignorance, or you for asking so personal of questions."

"Like what? You've heard me transform, have seen me the day after. That's about as personal as you can get without meeting the wolf face to face. Which is not going to happen," he said quickly, knowing where she was going with this.

"Well, like, hypothetically, could you impregnate a female werewolf, or an actual wolf for that matter, when you're transformed?"

"Ah." He said, biting his lip and thinking on how to go about this topic delicately. Not surprisingly, James and Sirius had asked him this very same question, and debated for weeks whether or not it would be considered bestiality to do so.

"See!" she said, pointing at his worried look. "These are just thoughts that pop into my head and I sit and wonder about them but I don't want to ask you in case it's something too personal."

"It's not that it's too personal, it's just a rather odd scenario, one that I have not, to my knowledge, experienced. I suppose it's possible," Remus said, running a hand through his wet hair. "But highly improbable. I know that a female werewolf while in her human form cannot give birth to wolf pup, despite common belief. But I've never come across a story where a female gave birth while she was transformed. And as for real wolves, they stay away from our kind when we've transformed. They know that we are not natural and do not attempt to engage with us, unless we provoke them."

"Or what about the cellar under the house? What happens if you have to, you know, _relieve_ yourself? If I go down there will there be piles of-"

"No, no, I clean that up if it does happen." Remus said cutting her off, shaking his head. Maybe it was better her consulting the literature than asking him so directly. "Okay, I guess you could probe a little further into the books, but just know that most authors, even while writing from a strictly academic point of view, have a bias. So the facts presented have a negative connotation to them, and you have to take everything with a grain of salt."

"Okay," she said, looking a little more relieved now she had asked a few of her undoubtedly hundreds of questions. "This just further proves my point that you should write a book."

"Dora, no one is going to want to read it," he said, thinking of the timid manuscript that he had begun and abandoned when the matter of their imminent nuptials took up much of his free time.

"Well, I think they will. If most authors write with a bias, you should try to correct them. As for readers, what about that bloke who wrote that _Daily Prophet_ bestseller? What was it?"

"_Hairy Snout, Human Heart_?" Remus said. "We don't know who wrote that, it was done anonymously."

"And you can't do that?" she said pointedly.

"I suppose I could," he said slowly. In truth it was a really fantastic image, him being a publish author, more than just a few articles that had been published in scholarly journals. Tonks, not pushing the issue further seeing Remus was daydreaming, contented to laying her body back down to tan her skin, closing her eyes. Remus, coming out of his reverie to talk again with her, saw she appeared to be asleep, and decided to do the same.

His growling stomach woke him from his nap. He got up slowly as his body, unaccustomed to so much sun, felt achy and tight. He looked over to see whether or not Tonks was awake, but found the towel next to him vacant. "Nymphadora?" he called out sleepily, looking around the immediate area to see where she had gone. He looked into her tote to find her white dress and the wallet with their Muggle money was gone. Panicked, he looked around for someone to ask if they had seen her, and saw the wife and her young son sitting near by. He politely asked her, "I'm so sorry to disturb you, but did you see my wife leave?"

"Left about fifteen, twenty minutes ago," the woman said politely, pulling the wandering toddler closer by the waistband of his swimming trunks. "Went to go get some lunch for the pair of you. The lines here are mad so I wouldn't expect her any time soon."

"Thank you," he said, feeling a little better about her absence, brushing away the sand that had stuck to his arms while he dozed.

"I'm Celia, by the way," she said reaching over, holding out a hand.

"Remus," he said, shaking her hand.

"Remus? Really?" she said smiling. "You're not having a laugh?"

"No, afraid not," he said.

"Because your wife had an interesting name too. Tell me again how to pronounce it?"

"Nymphadora," he said, shaking his head. "I know, peculiar. Though, it has to be said, her family is a bit dotty."

"Well, she at least seems nice enough. And this is Henry," she said, picking up the toddler into her arms, and he squealed with delight by the sudden force of being lifted in the air. Remus smiled at the child's laughter. "My husband Grant is out there with our daughter Grace." She said pointing out to the sea. "Your wife said you're here on holiday. Newlyweds?"

"That's right," he said. How long had he been asleep that Tonks had already told their life's story to complete strangers? "We're just here till Saturday."

"Awake at last I see," said a familiar voice. Tonks had returned, her arms laden with two bottles of beer and two newspaper-wrapped packets of fish and chips, which were soaked through with grease.

"You got them then?" Celia asked, nodding to the fish and chips.

"Longest bloody line I've ever had to wait in for chips." She said sitting down, handing Remus his own newspaper packet. "This had better be worth it Celia," she said cracking open her bottle of beer, taking a swig from it.

"Trust me, we come here every year and we always have to stop to get these, they're brilliant." Celia said, happily watching her son pick up fistfuls of sand before letting them go to watch how it would blow in the breeze.

Tonks put a couple of the greasy chips into her mouth, chewing slowly, as though to savior the moment. She nodded saying, "Worth it."

"Told you," Celia said knowingly. "The place gets even more crowded at midnight when the pubs close. They're even more delicious when you've had a bit too much to drink. Henry sweetheart, come here." Henry, wobbling in the unsteady nature of sand, had walked over to Tonks holding out a fistful of something.

"Is this for me?" she said, wiping the grease from her hands before reaching out to accept Henry's gift. Henry let go of the offering, most of it flying away in the breeze, but a small pebble landed into Tonks' hand. "Oh my goodness, thank you Henry, its lovely." She said smiling making Henry smile as well. Content that Tonks was not an immediate threat, he plopped onto her towel and starting moving piles of sand onto it.

"Sorry about him," Celia said standing up to retrieve her son.

"Don't worry about it, we're becoming good friends over here." Tonks said. Remus watched, fascinated by the way she interacted with the toddler. She was warm and kind, helping to build up the pile of sand on her towel, talking to him with all manner of seriousness in response to the inane babbling the toddler spoke. Only a few words were distinguishable to Remus, but she seemed at ease with which she spoke to him, some how knowing to what he was referring to. He again seemed to see in his mind's eye the wonderful image of her lying on a towel, the breeze blowing back her hair, their own child sitting on her lap looking out to where another child played in the sand…

"Remus!" said a voice from outside of his reverie.

"Sorry, what?" he said, blinking stupidly.

"Celia asked you a question." Said Tonks shaking her head. "I think all the sunshine has addled his brain!"

"Sorry, Celia, I was in another world entirely." Remus said turning to look at the kind faced woman.

"I was just asking how you were finding Woolacombe." She said grinning, looking to him and then to Tonks as though sharing in a private joke.

"It's beautiful," he said, looking out at the panoramic scene of people laughing and playing in the cool waters. "I'm glad its nice out, the paper this morning said there was a chance for rain again."

"There is always a chance for rain," said Tonks, handing Henry a shell to place on top of their sand pile, before taking another sip of her beer. Remus, realizing he was still holding onto the unwrapped newspaper, quickly opened it to eat its contents finding himself starving. Hot, greasy chips were piled so thick that it hid the beer battered piece of fish underneath. Taking a handful of chips, he put them into his mouth. He had to agree, these were fantastic.

"Forecasters are constantly calling for rain, but you simply learn to ignore it. Rain or shine, you have to enjoy your holiday." Celia said, closing her eyes, leaning back on her arms to enjoy the rays of sun. Her husband and daughter had come back at last from the water, wet and excited.

"I see Henry's made a new friend," the husband said, holding out a hand for them both to shake. "Grant Hartley. Sorry if my lot have been giving you trouble."

"No trouble," said Tonks happily, "we've been making sand piles."

"These two just got married," Celia said to her husband.

"Newlyweds, eh?" Hugh said, drying himself off with a towel. "I'm surprised you've left the room."

"Grant," Celia muttered low, looking embarrassed but Tonks just laughed.

"Not far from the mark this time yesterday," she grinned, looking to Remus who blushed at all the implications, and so just put more chips in his mouth from having to answer.

Grace, the daughter who appeared to be five or six years old came over to where Tonks and Remus had camped. "Grace Hartley," she said to Remus holding out her hand, sounding remarkably sophisticated for someone so young.

"Remus Lupin, a pleasure to meet you Grace." Remus said smiling, shaking the little girl's hand.

"Remus was one of the founders of Rome," Grace informed the group, as though this was highly classified information she was divulging to all of them.

"Was he now?" Remus said chuckling. "Or was it his brother Romulus?"

"They both did," Grace said confidently. "But Remus dies in the end and Romulus takes over."

"That he does," Remus agreed.

"Are you named after Remus?" Grace asked, looking so intensely at him, he was rather startled.

"I was."

"Well, I wouldn't name someone after a man who died in such a horrible manner," Grace said looking rather disappointed with Remus, as though he had chosen the name himself and had made a terrible mistake.

"Grace Louise, that wasn't a very nice thing to say," Celia said, laughing nervously over her daughter's behavior, holding out an hand indicating that she should come to her, and leave them alone.

"Where did you get _all_ those scars?" Grace said, ignoring her mother and pointed to Remus' chest. Remus glanced quickly over to Tonks, whose eyes grew wide, looking apologetic.

"Grace!" Grant said, standing up to forcibly move his daughter back to their spot. "I'm so sorry about that," he started.

"No, no it's alright," Remus interjected. "It's only natural to be _curious_." He said, looking more to Tonks than to the Hartleys.

"I think its time for rude little girls to be on their way." Grant said, looking down to his daughter.

"Naps I think are in order," Celia agreed, standing up to begin gathering their belongings.

"No!" Grace said stomping her feet in protest.

"Grace," her mother said threateningly, and the little girl remained quiet, but stuck her lip out pouting. "It was lovely meeting you two, and thank you for putting up with them."

"It was no problem, really." Tonks said picking up Henry to hand him over to his mother. He started fussing in his mother's arms, and seemed to be mad at leaving the sand pile and Tonks' lap. Tonks watched the little boy leave with something like longing, and Remus wondered if she had been having the same daydream he had. Sadly, it could only be that, a daydream.

"Good luck to both of you, and congratulations on your marriage." Celia said, balancing Henry on one hip with an arm, the other carrying a large tote with towels and beach toys.

"Yes lovely meeting you," Grant said, holding his daughter's hand and their beach chairs. Remus and Tonks watched them walk away.

"They were nice," Tonks said crunching up the newspaper having finished all of her meal.

"And you said no one would notice," Remus said, throwing a chip back into the paper suddenly not hungry.

"Oh, don't you start. A little girl, who clearly has no social filter, said something. No one else has." Tonks said pointedly.

"Celia didn't ask you about it when I was asleep?"

"She looked at them, but didn't say anything." Tonks said hesitantly. "When I saw her looking I just told her you had been attacked by a dog when you were a kid. She seemed to go for it."

Remus sighed, opening the bottle of beer Tonks had bought for him. "I should have left my shirt on," he said quietly.

"Sweetheart, no one cares. They may be curious, but that's human nature. We're with Muggles. They don't see," her voice got low, "_werewolf_ scars. They see a bad match with a pit bull."

"But still," he said feeling uncomfortable.

"Were you really named for Romulus and Remus?" Tonks asked, quickly changing the subject.

"I was. My mother was rather obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology. She was Muggleborn so when she was in primary she heard the tales of these gods and goddess with their tragic humanistic qualities leading them to devious exploits. But she loved the story of Romulus and Remus, the two brothers who founded the city of Rome. Well, when it came time for her to name her first child, a son, I was given the name Remus, thinking Romulus might be too difficult for a toddler to pronounce. Irony of ironies was the fact that just a few years later, her child named after a baby raised by a she-wolf, would become a wolf himself."

"Art mirrors life," Tonks said frowning. "I wondered having parents whose names were so ordinary why their son had such an extraordinary name."

"That's the reason," Remus said taking a long drink from his bottle. "Just my mother simply liking the name and the mythology."

"It's better than being named Nymphadora, which has no backstory whatsoever…" she muttered. "But I like your name. It suits you."

"Why because of…"

"No, because I could never see you being a Peter or a Tom. You are rather extraordinary my darling, and need an extraordinary name," she said, leaning in to kiss his mouth. "Mmm, you taste like beer and chips."

Remus laughed, holding tightly onto her in the warm sunshine.

After insisting they rest thirty minutes after eating, Tonks took Remus back into the sea, where Remus proved himself much more inclined to exploring just how far he could push his comfort zone. They even sat down in shallower waters, simply enjoying the feeling of the waves pushing and pulling against them, laughing and talking quietly with one another, allowing their bodies to move with the current, bringing them much further from where they had put their belongings. Finished with the water, they walked, hand in hand, not saying much, but enjoying the feeling of the sun, the water, the sand, and each other as the sun was becoming low in the sky. Soon enough, they gathered their belongings and headed back to the hotel to shower and change for dinner. Remus found, despite Tonks' liberal application of sun cream, his cheeks had burned a little, as did most of his body making his shower a rather painful experience. In a cool linen shirt and light trousers, and she in a light butter yellow dress with an alluring neckline, they went down to the hotel dining room for dinner. It was a quiet affair, as they looked at one another with great longing. They laughed and talked about nothing in particular over the excellent food and wine brought to them. But by the time dessert had been presented to the table, Tonks was looking at him with more than just enjoyment in her eyes. Remus felt enlivened about how she was able to spark such passion within him, even with just a simple coy look. But mostly he enjoyed the fact that this gorgeous woman found _him_ attractive. That she, who could have had her pick of any man in the country, chose him, married him, loved him.

However, when the dishes had been cleared from the table, and the coffee had been drunk, they did not return to their room. They chose instead to walk back down to the beach. Taking off their shoes, they walked along barefoot, the sand still warm from the sun. With the sounds of the waves breaking on the shore, Dora's hand placed around his waist rubbing the small of his back, Remus felt so peaceful and content. The night air was calm and crisp, although the new moon not visible to the naked eye, the stars were clear and bright giving them enough light to guide their way along the miles of sand.

"Why don't we head for that pub? We could get a nightcap and head in," Tonks asked, pointing out the pub situated a little ways away.

"Whatever you want to do, you're the sensible one in the relationship at the moment, remember?" Remus said, looking out into the tranquil waters lapping the shore.

"Hmm, yes, we certainly are going be doing some more rather sensible things after we have a drink or two."

"I certainly expect Mister Moony would be delighted to hear about anything sensible you have planned." He said, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, looking into her eyes.

"I very much expected him to," she said, tilting her head towards his in anticipation of a kiss. Remus was all too happy to oblige. "Come on," she said. "I'll race you up!" She started running at a breakneck speed. Remus laughed, running to try to keep up but the weight of the sand made his footsteps awkward and slow going. "How are you doing that!" he called out to her.

"Doing what?" she called back, running backwards to see his progress.

"Running in the sand! You hardly can keep equal footing on solid ground, yet in sand you don't seem to have any trouble."

"I guess I'm just full of surprises," she said, turning around to run faster, but not surprisingly, tripped over her own feet. She landed hard into the soft ground. Remus caught up to her quickly.

"Dora are you okay?" he asked with concern. But her boisterous laugh made any worry disappear. He started to laugh as well. "Not quite so graceful now are you?"

"Come here," she said pulling him down to the sand with her, where he awkwardly landed on top of her. She laughed harder, and Remus could feel her stomach expand and contract with the force of her joy. Smiling, he bent his head lower to kiss her wondrous lips, stopping her laughter. So soft and gentle, Remus loved the feeling of her lips against his own.

"Hmm," she said, her eyes closed. "And here I thought you weren't an exhibitionist."

"There is a difference between a man kissing his wife on the beach, in the dark, and a man making love to his wife on the beach."

"Both sound rather romantic, and both perfectly sensible," she said, opening her dark eyes to stare intently into his own, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you," she said quietly.

"I love you more," Remus said.

Shaking her head lightly she said quietly, "Impossible," and he lowered his head to kiss her lips once more. "I wish, right now, in this moment, I wish I had my camera with me. It would prove to you once and for all how young you are. You look like you're twenty years old."

"And what, pray tell, do I look like the rest of the time?"

"Worried," she said seriously.

He sighed, moving his body to sit down next to her. "We're at war, I think it's rather expected that we should worry."

"Well, when someone worries, it tends to be mild concern or utter dread. You, sir, are neither. You're petrified. Especially over things that you need not be."

They were quiet for a moment, the only sound between them coming from the waves breaking on shore and the gentle hum the night brought.

"Come on, let's go get that drink." Remus said, standing up brushing the sand off his clothes. He held out a hand to help Tonks from the ground. They made their way up the pub, where in a drastic contrast to the subtle sounds of the ocean, the drunken patrons were raucous and rowdy, the music played reflected the times and the median age of the guests.

"You sure you wanted to come here?" Remus said, pushing his way through the crowd to find an empty table.

"Celia, that woman we met on the beach today, said this was the spot to be at night," she said enthusiastically.

"Hey love," a man said, stumbling into Tonks. Leaning his head forward to speak directly into her ear, Remus could hear him say, "Why don't you ditch your father here and come roger someone like me."

"Piss off," she said pushing her way past him.

"Stuck up twat!" He called after her.

"Why don't we go?" Remus said sliding sideways through a group of women dressed in hardly anything at all.

"Wotcher, here we are." Tonks said, finding an empty table where they could sit. She slid herself on one side of the booth and Remus sat down opposite her. "Isn't this fun?" she asked, grinning broadly.

"That man back there just propositioned you for sex and then called you a twat. I hardly see anything fun in this."

"Oh, its all just harmless. Nobody means it when they're plastered like that. Besides, the louder, more crowded the Muggle pub, the least likely someone will overhear us if we talk about," she lowered her voice dramatically, "magic." She said smiling, her eyes widening in mock wonderment at the thought of people doing magic. She then started looking around for someone to take their drink order. "Mind going up to the counter and getting me a pint? It's going to be ages if we wait for someone."

"Sure," he said, sliding back out of the booth. Remus couldn't remember the last time he came into a pub like this, where it was so crowded it was near impossible to move anywhere. The lights were too dim and the music played too loud making everyone shout to be heard. Heat from so many bodies pressed together made it oppressive and accentuated the smell of stale beer and cheap cigarettes. Finally making his way to the counter, he tried several times in vain to get the attention of one of the many bar tenders.

"Um hi, sorry, yes hello, I need two-"

"Oi!" said someone sharply, making two of the bartenders stopped to look up at who called. "I need a Stella, and whatever my friend here is having."

Remus knew _that_ voice.

"Two of your summer ales," Remus said turning his head slowly around so that he was speaking not to the bartender but to...

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><p><strong>an: **ahhh who could it be? death eater? greyback? perhaps they should have taken mad-eye's warning more seriously... you'll just have to wait to find out!

less than a week until the final movie comes out! i've already starting stocking up on tissues because i know i'm going to be a mess. i can't even watch the ads without getting teary eyed.

A GIANT THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to read this story and have reviewed it or added it as a favorite. My appreciation for each and every one of you cannot even be expressed into words! truly, it means so much to me that you are enjoying what i'm writing and want to read more of it. if you haven't or would like to again, please don't hesitate to click on the review button and leave a message. i may just get the next chapter out sooner with your encouragement!


	11. Cigarettes and Secrets

**a/n: **these character are the property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers. i merely play with them for the amusement of myself, and hopefully those reading it. no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language and mild violence. an update sooner than planned due to all of your **fantastic** reviews! i hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: Cigarettes and Secrets<strong>

"Lavinia?" he asked startled, his eyes wide with shock. She looked every bit as lovely as he remembered her, as her startling bright blue eyes seemed to glow in the dim pub light. But there was something in her countenance that seemed off. She looked haggard, worn, her hair not as well maintained so her prematurely grey hair was evident. She was thinner and looked rather fearsome with the odd shadows playing across her face.

Lavinia started laughing. "Surprised you didn't I? Ha, the look on your face!" They hugged each other tightly, Lavinia kissing his cheek. He could smell the alcohol on her breath and knew she had been in the pub for a while.

"What are you doing here?" he said, releasing her from the hug. "Caliban told me you were in-"

"Brighton? Nah, I told him that in case you came looking for me. Not that I don't trust you Lupin, it's just, I don't _trust_ you, or really anyone for that matter. And you have been looking for me in _all_ the wrong places. It's been rather adorable to watch."

"You've been following me?" Remus asked sharply. He was shocked to find her here, after all his searching and concern, here she was, ordering drinks as though no time had past between them.

"I've been bored," she said sighing, nonchalantly adding, "life outside the pack can be so dull, I don't know how you do it. So I tracked you down on a few occasions to see how you've been, as I know _you_ can't go back to Dartmoor either. I've been staying with my mum rest of the time, in Lancing, so you were close in a way with your search."

"How did you know where to find me?" Remus asked taken aback and confused. He was happy to see her alive and well, but found it disturbing he could be tracked so easily because it meant Nymphadora could be as well.

"Magic always leaves traces, Lupin." She said, leaning in closer conspiratorially. "It's easy enough when someone such as yourself uses it so often."

Apart from Apparating here, neither he nor Tonks had been using any magic, so trace magic would not have given away their location. She had to have been following him. Remus was getting nervous, but her casual demeanor made him feel less so.

"Why didn't you try to contact me to let me know how you are?" he asked, a little more at ease. "If you knew I was trying to find you, you must have known how worried I was about you, especially after what Caliban told me the Ministry had done to you."

"Aw, you're so sweet. No, I was having a bit of hard lines a few months back, so I wouldn't have been very good company. Besides, word is out. You're a spy. If someone were to see us together, I'd be implicated as well."

"Well, I'm glad to see you're safe, and doing alright. But, Liv, that still doesn't explain why you're here, in this pub," Remus said, still very confused.

"I wanted a drink," she said with a shrug, looking impatiently at the bartender.

"So, you came all the way out to Woolacombe for a drink? _Not_ because you were looking for me?" he asked raising an eyebrow, thinking this was too much of a coincidence.

"Don't give yourself airs Lupin, I'm not here for you, though I am happy to find you here. No, I've been scouting out houses to let for Thaliard. Devon, for whatever reason, is his county of choice, but he's away at the moment and can't do it himself. I think because he is so shoddy at Apparating, he wanted to stay in Devon to be close enough to Dartmoor. Plus, I wanted a few days seaside."

"10 quid love," the bartender said, pushing the glasses out so Remus and Lavinia could take them.

"Let me," Remus said, fishing out his wallet.

"No, no, I've got a tenner in here," she said, reaching into her handbag before giving a ten pound note to the bartender. With her arm outstretched to grab her drink, the sleeve of her shirt pushed back and Remus could see the scarred outline of a number 7 on her forearm. _So it is true_, he thought sadly.

"Mm!" she said taking a sip of her beer. "So, either you've developed a serious drinking habit, or you've not come here alone." She nodded to the second beer in his hand.

"No, I'm here with, well, with Nymphadora, actually. Though, you probably already know that."

"Well, since I've never met the her, the woman I saw you with could have been anyone!"

"Would you like to meet her? We've got a table in the back." Remus said.

"Love to," she said pleasantly and they made the slow and rather treacherous walk back to their table.

"So once more, explain why are you in Woolacombe?" Remus shouted to her above the horribly loud music and chatter, raising the glasses higher so as not to spill on the two women dancing wildly with one another next to him.

"Thaliard is wanting a house for him and Thaisa, who I'm suppose to be looking after, but can't because Greyback would murder me if I went back to Dartmoor. But Thal's in Kent right now on Greyback's orders so he can't do it himself."

"And you thought a house by the sea was the best place for two of _our_ kind?" he asked. With all the seaside resort villages along the coast, it was odd that she would be at this one at the same time he was here on holiday. Odder still was that she was looking at houses that provided Thaliard and his illegitimate daughter plenty of unsuspecting Muggle tourists for prey. Many things can be said about Thaliard, but he would never risk the lives of innocent people, and Lavinia, of all people, knew this.

"To be honest, the prices here are too high for Thaliard, the cheap bugger. But I wanted a few days to relax and just made house hunting my excuse to come here. It's been hell lately."

"There you are!" Tonks said, seeing Remus come through the crowd. "I was getting worried about you. I thought you got lost in the sea of -" but she stopped when she saw Lavinia also approaching the table. "Whose this?"

"Oh, sorry, right, Nymphadora, this is Lavinia Cormier, the one from the, uh, pack I told you about. Lavinia, this is Nymphadora." Remus said, putting the drinks down on the table and sliding in next to Tonks. He felt flustered introducing them for some reason.

"Pleasure," Lavinia said, holding out her hand for Tonks to shake, which she did happily. "She's gorgeous Lupin!" Lavinia said, sliding into the booth opposite them.

"I like you already!" Tonks said holding up her pint before taking a sip. Remus took a rather long gulp from his own glass. There was something very off putting about these two women being in the same room with one another. It was like two worlds colliding and Remus suddenly felt very off balance.

"So, Nymphadora, or no, sorry, you go by Tonks don't you?" Lavinia said, looking to Remus then to her.

"I'm not sure I can go by Tonks anymore," Tonks laughed. "But I suppose I will, the name has stuck and the alternative is simply dreadful."

"I thought Tonks was your surname?" Lavinia asked.

"It was but not anymore." Tonks grinned at Remus. "Did you tell her?"

"I haven't had a chance, I only just saw her here five minutes ago. Nymphadora and I got married two days ago." Remus explained to Lavinia's confused expression.

The hot room suddenly felt two degrees colder. Realizing she was frowning, Lavinia forced smile on her lips.

"Congratulations," she said but the sincerity wasn't there. "So you being down here is what, a bit of a honeymoon?"

"Yeah, we can't take too much time away which is really unfortunate. I love it down here," Tonks said happily, not noticing, or at least not acknowledging, Lavinia's cooler attitude. "I was telling Remus yesterday when things calm down we'll have to come back for a proper holiday."

"RJ, you should have told me you were on your honeymoon! I wouldn't have disturbed the two of you had I known!" Lavinia said, the false cheeriness in her voice a little less pronounced.

"It's no bother!" Tonks said. "Truth be told, I've been dying to meet you. So this is a rather unexpected pleasure."

"And what exactly has RJ told you about me?" Lavinia asked, the false smile on her face seemed to accentuate her eyes, which were narrowed with suspicion on Remus.

"Just that we met when I was living underground, and that we were friends," Remus said quickly, trying to pacify her. He looked on her with concern, thinking back to when he spoke last with Caliban. He had said something about Lavinia not being herself, and Remus had to agree; this was certainly not the Lavinia he remembered. She was usually so cheerful, always one with a quick-witted comment or intelligent input. She had her moments, especially when the topic of Bassianus Cormier came up, but overall she was a good person. Perhaps she worried that Remus had told Tonks about her past and what happened with her husband. Or perhaps her time with the Ministry had unhinged her. Or perhaps it was it was that _other_ time of the month.

"Did your husband also tell you I saved his skin?" Lavinia asked pleasantly, her normal sociable attitude back once more.

"More than once, I think he said." Tonks said, visibly lighting up when Lavinia referred to Remus as 'your husband'.

"Do you remember RJ when we were charged with finding food and we went into the woods right at dusk-"

"And we thought that it was a sheep that had wondered from one of the nearby herds-" Remus continued, remembering exactly to what she was referring to.

"But in fact was a cougar! You were pale as a ghost, trembling, reaching for your wand-"

"But I didn't have it with me, it was back at the caves because I'd already gotten into so much trouble for using it to start a fire-"

"Luckily I had Thaliard's knife otherwise we wouldn't be sitting here!" Lavinia finished laughing. Tonks stared wide-eyed at both of them, silently shaking her head.

"We can laugh about it now, but that was quite literally one of the scariest moments of my life."

"Nearly wet himself," Lavinia said in an exaggerated whisper to Tonks who gave them a nervous sort of laugh. "Though, that experience could nowhere near be as scary as the pit."

Remus shuddered. "Don't remind me," he said.

"What's the pit?" Tonks asked.

"In the caves, when someone would do something to displease Greyback, he would send them to the pit." Remus explained. "Which is just as it sounds; a giant dirt whole in the ground in the furthest recesses of the caves. At least ten feet deep."

"Maybe more," Lavinia said over her beer.

"Darker than black, it was miserable. Longest time I spent in there, was what, a week?"

"A week," Lavinia confirmed.

"You were given no food and just a little bit of water. But the worst of it was that there was no light and no one to talk to. You could go mad, sitting in a dark hole for days on end, with no one to talk to, except yourself. A man had even died two weeks previous having spent just three days in there, which made my terror all the more real when I was banished there for a week. Thankfully, Lavinia here would sneak out and make sure I had enough water and some company for a few moments."

"Probably saved your life on that account," Lavinia said. "So what's the life debt up to?"

"I've counted six," Remus said laughing a little.

"Six times I've saved this man's life. You owe me big time," Lavinia said looking at Remus with a curious expression. Tonks, however, had been watching their interactions with great interest and looked a little troubled.

"I've got to spend a penny, I'll be back." She said, climbing over Remus to leave, and quickly became lost in the crowd. Remus wondered if he should go after her.

"She seems lovely, RJ," Lavinia said, reaching across the table to grab hold of his hand, and Remus could hear the real sincerity in her voice. "But I don't agree about your marrying her."

"I didn't think you would," Remus said, pulling his hand away. "But it's my life Liv, and I love her."

"Love's all fine and good, but I mean, marriage? What, you wanted to enrage Greyback more than you have already?"

"He doesn't know anything, we did it in a historical Muggle garden with only a handful of very close friends who won't say anything. We even paid off the master of ceremonies so he would discretely file the paperwork with the Ministry and swear his silence on the matter. I mean _you_ didn't even know," he said reminding her, "and you've been creepily stalking me."

"I'm not stalking you. I'm... lovingly observing you from a distance."

"Liv," Remus said, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"No, but seriously I just find it amusing to allude your attempts at finding me. Which, I'm sure, only further prove your incompetence at tracking making you incredibly frustrated as I know how much of a perfectionist you are." She smiled at him but it faded quickly. "I should have known," she said, looking down into her nearly empty glass. "The ring on your finger, being on holiday with a woman, such obvious signs. I should have sussed it out."

"I'm glad you didn't, it means we've been careful enough to not warrant unwanted attention." Remus said, absentmindedly playing with the wedding band on his finger.

"And how long do you think that will last?" Lavinia said bitterly, drinking the last of her beer in one gulp. "When word gets out that a werewolf has married a Ministry employee, there'll be pandemonium and they will clamp down even harder with their controls."

"The Ministry has no say over who their employees marry." Remus said. "It shouldn't matter that Dora is an Auror."

"No, but it will matter that _you_ are a registered werewolf. Not only that, but you are a little more widely known because of your time teaching at Hogwarts, putting an even bigger target on your back. You'll be made an example of for all the other dark creatures who are seeking a life of normalcy. Your name and face were all over the _Daily Prophet_ for weeks with the story that a werewolf had been teaching children." She was quiet for a moment thinking over a memory.

Remus too was thinking about the insanity that ensued when he departed Hogwarts. Reporters with their horrid cameras seemed to follow him everywhere. Dumbledore did the best he could to manage the chaos, but the damage had been done. The only ray of light during that bleak time was that Sirius was a free man.

"The real reason I remembered your name the first time we met was because Bass made a comment about it when the story first broke. He was disgusted Dumbledore would allow 'such an abomination' to teach innocent children. For almost a year I was building up the courage to tell him what I was, and in that one moment over toast and jam, I knew I never could."

Remus sighed. "I'm sure he would have understood, Liv, you were married to him for what? Five years?"

"Nearly seven," she said, not looking at Remus. "So trust me when I say I know a thing or two about how your marriage will play out."

Remus felt himself shuddered involuntarily. He dreaded thinking about any scenario where Nymphadora would be found the morning after a full moon, bloodied, broken and dead. He hesitated, not sure if he should dare ask. Finally he said, "Can I see it?"

Lavinia looked at him with narrowed eyes and apprehension. Remus wondered if he might get a smart retort from her for the sheer nerve of his asking. Instead, she looked down at her right arm and rolled up her sleeve. Even in the dim smoky atmosphere of the pub Remus could clearly see the red raised skin on her forearm that read "7139".

"Oh Liv," he said, touching her arm gently to examine how the scarring had healed.

"It looked a lot worse two months ago. It didn't properly heal; the '9' got horribly infected and because the Ministry confiscated my wand, I couldn't perform any spells on it after my escape. I then had to brew a combination of potions and it finally cleared up."

"And they did this to you after they took you from the Muggle police?"

"Not right away," she said exhaling. "They took down my information at the Muggle police station, posing as detectives from the London bureau, but, apart from my birth certificate, I don't have any public records at the Ministry. I never attended Hogwarts, our house in Lancing belonged to my aunt, they never registered me after I was bitten, my older brother took on a new surname, I don't have a license to Apparate, even though I do, so it's surprising they haven't caught me earlier, and a Muggle minister presided over my wedding to Bass."

"You never have had any reason for the Ministry to investigate you or your family? Those are really serious offenses, withholding information like that." Remus said dumbfounded at the lengths she and her family had gone through to protect her true identity. When Remus had been bitten, his mother and father did everything they could to find a cure, visiting any Healer who thought they could help, who in turn legally became obligated to register Remus.

"You're not going to tell the Misses and get me in trouble, are you?" Lavinia said grinning mischievously.

"Of course not, it just seems you and your family were really fortunate that you've gone on for this long undetected."

"I know, my da had a good friend working in Magical Law Enforcement who looked the other way when they were teaching me to use magic. Underage magic now is so regulated, but things were a little more lax back in the Seventies."

"Tell me about it," Remus muttered, taking another long sip of his beer.

"Anyway, because of my lack of paper trail, they became extremely suspicious and so performed a series of tests, to see if I was a highly advanced Squib or something, but what do you know, they came back positive for lycanthropy. I was then taken into the custody of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, transferred out of Brighton, and thrown into a cell in London. It was then I was no longer Lavinia Cormier but number 7139 and they branded it into my skin so I couldn't forget."

"How _did_ you escape?"

"They have holding cells in the basement of the Ministry and during the full moon, they put me down there with just one guard working the door, thinking I couldn't escape through the bars, but the width of space between them was almost too perfect for a wolf to slip through. They're also woefully ignorant to the strength a female werewolf has. Last thing I remember was the guard coming in to check on me because I was screaming so badly. I can't remember how I made it to the street level or how I was able to get away without any more guards or Muggles spotting me. You know how it is when you're under the influence of the moon; you can't remember anything. Much like the alcoholic blackout I am hoping for tonight." She said, looking around to see if a waitress would get her another drink.

"And you didn't attack anyone? Not even Muggles?"

"Not that I know of. It was late at night, so my thought is that the streets would have been relatively deserted, but I never investigated the matter further. Muggles can't tell the difference between a natural wolf and us, so they probably thought I was a wild animal lost in the city. I managed to get as far as Bromely, however, waking up naked in the backyard of some tottering old lady, screaming that she was going to call the police on me if I didn't leave. I stole one of her sheets that was hanging on the wash line and ran further away from the town and Apparated home."

"What did your mum say when she saw you?" Remus asked cautiously. Lavinia's mother, like many mothers, was overbearing in the extreme.

"My mum hasn't been well for a while." She said, exhaustion in her voice. "She was diagnosed with early onset dementia about five years ago, right before my da died. So when she saw me that morning, she thought I was her friend Amelia, except the funny thing about Amelia is that she died during the War Against Grindelwald in 1944. Mum asked me to take her down the pub so she could check out the warlocks before her husband came home. I'm now under the impression my brother might be the result of a secret love affair."

"That certainly is one I've never heard before," Remus said, chuckling.

"Wish da was still around so he could help her." Remus noted the serious anguish in her voice and suddenly found himself wishing there was more he could do to help her. "He could always bring her around if she was having one of her bad days. My brother Quintus is no help. You know, went to live with my uncle after I was bitten, and hasn't spoken to mum since da's funeral, so there is only me to help out which has been hard because Thal asked me to look after Thaisa, so I've been trying to get back in with the pack to no avail and Caliban has been no help. But I mean I didn't expect much from him. He can be a real git when he wants to be." She sighed looking down into her very empty glass. "That's my pathetic story. You however, seem to be living the good life." She said, examining him closer. "You look really good."

"I think that's the beer talking," Remus said smiling.

"No, I mean it. You look _really_ good. Really, I don't know… happy. It makes you look younger and more attractive"

Remus laughed. "Now I _know_ that's the beer talking."

"She's a very lucky girl. I had thought at one point I might have tempted you. I thought after that night-"

"Liv, stop it." Remus said seriously, all laughter gone from his voice. "You know things like that would have ruined our friendship, and besides, I was still in love with Nymphadora at the time. I was just too pigheaded to realize it."

"I need another drink," she said, getting out of the booth. "I'll be back. You want another?"

"Only if I can buy this round," Remus said, taking out the last of his Muggle money from his wallet. Thank Merlin they were leaving tomorrow.

"Lager?" she asked.

"Is there any other?" Remus said. She gave a short bark of laughter and was quickly swallowed by the crowd. Remus smiled to himself. It was good to see her again, to hear her voice and know that she was all right. But she wasn't entirely the same. There was a deep sadness about her and a feeling of hopelessness. Remus did not envy her situation. Her husband dead and her mother now unable to recognize her, her brother a selfish bastard who found his sister's condition repulsive and jealous because his parents decided to keep her instead of him. She certainly could use a friend or two. He wished Thaliard could be here to see her like this. He would have known what to say or what do to cheer her up. Though, it sounded like he had been adding to her stress with his alleged demands of finding him a house for he and Thaisa.

"Sorry about that," said a stubbornly cheerful voice. Remus looked up to see Tonks coming back to her seat. "The line at the ladies was a nightmare. Where did Lavinia go?"

"She went to get more drinks," Remus said, sliding his arm around her waist drawing her in closer to him.

"Mm, what's this all about?" she asked for his sudden affection.

"You know just how much I appreciate you? How much it means to me that you don't judge me?"

"I do, but it's nice hearing about it every once and a while," she said, her face coming closer to his like two magnets finding one another. He kissed her lightly, but she pulled him in closer, deeper, more passionate. A few people in the crowd began whistling.

"Oh Merlin's pants, get a room." Remus heard Lavinia say. He broke away from the kiss to look at her.

"Sorry," he said a little sheepishly.

"Don't be," Tonks said quietly, placing her hand on his thigh. Remus' heart was starting to race.

"So how long will you be staying in town?" Lavinia asked, taking her seat.

"We leave tom-AH-row," Remus said jumping a little in his seat, his voice shaky as Tonks was slowly moving her precariously placed hand further up his thigh. Chugging down more of his beer, Remus could only guess as to what Tonks was planning on doing. There wasn't much further her hand could wander.

"You know, you're terribly young." Lavinia said, looking contemptuously at Tonks.

"I'm not that young," she said laughing a little, giving Lavinia a slightly disapproving look.

"Oh but you are, and you have a lot to learn little girl on the ways of the world."

"Lavinia," Remus said warningly his attention no longer on the under table happenings but on the animosity brewing between the two women.

"Sure, everything is exciting now. Marrying a werewolf, that must appeal to someone like you, who craves danger and attention-"

"What did you say to me?" Tonks said, her eyebrows raised, the hand previously on Remus' thigh moved to her handbag where she had put her wand.

"Liv, what are you-" Remus started but Lavinia continued over him.

"He may love you now when your fresh and new, something so different to what he _really_ prefers. But eventually both of you will grow tired of one another and there will be nothing left to this so-called marriage."

"Listen, I don't know you, and you _don't_ know me, but one thing is clear, you certainly don't know my husband." Tonks slid out from the booth and stood up looking fierce, Remus swearing she grew a few inches to emphasize her point.

"Well, perhaps I don't," Lavinia said, a smug look on her face. "But something I do know, is that when you fall in love with a werewolf, it has a way of coming back to _bite_ you."

"Remus, let's go." Tonks said, and Remus had no choice but to leave Lavinia sitting there alone.

"I'll see you around RJ," Lavinia said, but Remus could not reply as he was forcibly being dragged from the pub by Tonks' tight grip. The cool night air hit his face with a force of a brick wall but he didn't have time to enjoy it. Tonks started walking back up to the main road, panting with frustration. Remus, tentatively following behind her, waited for the explosion. She then let out a cry of frustration making several Muggles walking on the lane stop and look at her.

"How were you ever friends with someone like _that_?" she said, rounding on him.

"She's changed a great deal since the last time I saw her." Remus said sadly. "She wasn't always like that."

"I mean, that takes some serious nerve to say those things to someone you just met." Tonks said, resuming her stomping up the lane, rummaging in her handbag to take out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one. "_Has a way of coming back to bite you_… please." She muttered under her breath. "Who does she think she is?"

"She'd clearly been drinking, she wouldn't have said those things if she hadn't." Remus said, not really knowing why he was defending her. He was just as mad at Lavinia's behavior tonight: telling him that she had been following him, insulting his him and his wife… she really did have nerves of steel. "Since when do you smoke?" he said, waving the fumes away from his face.

"And what was with the _RJ_?" She said, turning back again to look at him, ignoring his question, taking a few more drags on the cigarette. "Oh, _RJ_, do you remember the time…" She said adopting a melodramatic voice, the cigarette in between her fingers moving around in a figure eight. "_RJ_, you owe me big for saving your life- It's like you're two different people living two different lives! Did you really tell them to call you RJ?"

"My father used to call me RJ, and mother would sometimes as well. After I was bitten my father though it cruel to call me Remus, the name my mother so unwittingly gave me, and instead called me RJ. I honestly can't remember why I asked those in the pack to call me that again. My friends at Hogwarts never did, it was always Remus or Moony."

She had a look of betrayal on her face. "I never knew that about you, in fact, there are a lot of things I realized tonight that I don't know about you. Lavinia in there seemed to know _everything_."

"Well I didn't know you smoked!" Remus said. "When did that start?"

"I don't usually," she said looking down at the burning cigarette between her fingers. "I just do when I'm stressed. Or drunk. Or both."

"See, there are parts about your life I don't know about you Nymphadora," Remus said smartly.

"But not knowing about my smoking habits aren't quite comparable to a mysteriously beautiful woman knowing to call you RJ! Or, or, holds you in a life debt? I feel like she knows more about your past than I do."

"Dora, I never told Lavinia every single detail about my life, you know what a private person I am. But when you are living in the deepest caves and you're not allowed to use magic, there is not much to do except talk. Things come up," he said with a shrug.

"That's the other thing!" she said pointed an accusatory finger at him. She took another drag. "You've never told me any details about your time underground."

"Because they're not pleasant." Remus said darkly, pushing forward in their walk back to the hotel.

"But I'm your wife, Remus! It's going to be a very long eternity if we can't be completely honest with one another."

"You wouldn't understand," he muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. She ran up behind him and held tightly to his forearm.

"Why because I'm not Lavinia? Because I'm not a werewolf?" she said bitterly.

"Yes, because you're not a werewolf. There are parts of my life that I'd rather not talk about with you. They're too dark and too personal."

"But that's the point of loving someone Remus! We can tell each other our darkest secrets and not judge one another for them. That we'll love each other no matter what we might have done in the past. I want to know!"

"I mean, you're not all forthcoming and honesty." He said averting the matter at hand, and knew he sounded rather childish.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said taken aback.

"Your past exploits with men," he said wildly. "Charlie Weasley, I mean, you never told me how serious that was."

"Because it wasn't! We were too young to be thinking about anything serious."

"Or, or, what about, Myron Wagtail…"

"Myron? How the hell did you find out about him?" she said looking startled.

"I had to hear it from your father, of all people. We were talking at the wedding and he said something about how you went to school with most of the members of the Weird Sisters, again, something you never told me, and how you had a secret romance with Myron Wagtail."

"I was fifteen, almost sixteen, he was eighteen and about to graduate." She said exhaustively, rubbing her forehead with the back of her hand, her eyes closed tightly as though trying to rid herself of a headache. "Do you want a list off all the men in my past Remus? Will that make you feel better?"

"No," Remus said, kicking the dirt on the ground. He knew she was right, knew that he was being ridiculous, and knew he is too secretive with her when there was no reason to be. But he was never one to back down from an argument.

"I mean, it was a silly school girl fling. Why does it even matter who I've dated in the past? Especially when I was a teenager for Merlin's sake!"

"Because it wasn't all that long ago you _were_ a teenager," Remus muttered.

"Oh, here we go," she said taking a few more drags from her cigarette. "Is this because Miss Werewolf in there said I was so 'terribly young'?"

"No, but it's true, it wasn't that long ago you were a teenager."

"It doesn't effect how I feel about you, or our relationship now does it?"

"I don't know, does it?" he said.

"No it doesn't!" she shouted. "And you're just deflecting from getting to the real issue at hand which is you never talk to me about _anything_. Even the times in your life when you were happy, like when you were at school, or your time teaching. Most of what I know from your past has come from talking with Sirius or rummaging through the boxes in your old bedroom!"

"And I still don't want to talk about it." Remus said feeling his temper rising.

"Fine," she said putting out her cigarette with her shoe and walking briskly past him.

They were both uncomfortably silent as they walked back up the high road and into their hotel. Remus felt lost as they walked through the lobby and waited for the lift to take them up to their room. He wanted to tell Tonks everything, wanted to release some of the burden he felt carrying the weight of everything he had done. He wished more than anything that he could tell her about his transformations, wish he could tell her the absolute horror of waking up the next morning and finding you've brutally savaged a man. But he couldn't. She would hear what he had done and leave him. It might prove to her once and for all that he was a dark and dangerous creature, but he was selfish and didn't want her gone. Not now. Not when he had been feeling so happy and complete.

They were joined in the lift by another couple who were rather unashamedly snogging one another, oblivious to Remus and Tonks standing there. They finally reached their floor, a moment of awkwardness as Remus moved past the intertwined couple, but they were still silent. Remus put the plastic key card in the door, opening their room. Tonks sat down at the edge of the bed as Remus turned on the lights.

"Look, I understand there are parts of your life that you'd rather not share with me. For whatever reason, you seem to be under the impression that once I learn these dark and mysterious aspects about you, I'm suddenly going to storm out. But what have I always said to you? I don't care. I want to be with _you_ Remus, all of you. The good and the bad."

"Even if the bad is abominable?"

"Even if you reveal to me that you're secretly You-Know-You. I mean, you're not, right?" Remus shook his head with a small grin. "Good I didn't think so, but even still, I'm still going to be here in the morning, still going to want to love you, to touch you, to look you straight in the eye when I talk to you. I always will."

"Dora, this… my life…" Remus said, struggling with the words. Where was he even to begin? But she silenced him.

"You don't need to tell me tonight, or tomorrow, or even in a year. I just want you to know when you are ready, I will listen and I _won't judge_. I realize we have our entire lives to get to know one another and that the only thing that really matters at this point is the fact we love each other unconditionally and we can trust one another. So when you do want to tell me about the time you and Lavinia were almost attacked by a cougar, or how you used to create diversions to get Sirius and James out of detention-"

"How did you-"

"Just know I'll never look at you any differently than I did the day I married you."

"Thank you," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed with her. She wrapped her arms around him holding him close.

"You have to trust me, and trust in the love I have for you."

"I do," Remus said fiercely. "I do trust you. I wouldn't have been able to go out into the water today had I not trusted you. But you're right. People have always judged me by what I am, what I become. You are one of the rare few that doesn't. It's hard, even with the woman I love and trust more than anyone, to break down years of people's dismissal or treating me like I'm the Black Plague. I just fear the day when I am judged by my actions, just as any human should be, because when that day comes, I will be known only as a murderer."

"We have had to kill people, Remus, we're at war. It weighs heavily on my heart every time I have to take down a Dark Wizard who won't come willingly to the Ministry. Even though I know they would just as easily kill me without batting an eyelash, I still morn the fact that I've taken a life. Killing damages the soul, Remus. And in a way, we are all a little twisted and dark on the inside." She touched his cheek with her gentle hand before moving stray hairs away from his face. "I'm glad you cut your hair."

"You like it shorter like this?" he said. "I thought having it longer was suppose to be cool."

She laughed. "You don't have to try so hard love, to be _cool_. You are already the dog's bollocks."

He laughed. "Is that a good thing?"

"A very good thing," she said leaning in closer to kiss his lips.

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><p><strong>an:** we meet lavinia at last! this certainly won't be the last time she shows up unexpectantly... love her? hate her? good? evil? you shall have to wait and see...

eek! counting down the hours to the midnight showing! i wanted to get this chapter out sooner than my normal sunday update, because of all the WONDERFUL responses i got for the previous chapter, and i know as soon as i see the movie i'm going to be a mess and sulk in my room for a few days not doing anything in denial it really has ended.

i know it's frowned upon to write review responses in the body of a work, but to AvidReaderAshley, yes Teddy will be making an appearance, but not until a little later. i'm going through the entire last year of their life as it fits with canon (with a few modifications) looking to the books for reference and actual 1997/98 dates for days of the week, holidays, moons phases, etc. i actually started writing parts of this story back in 2007 before DH came out, but when tonks and lupin died i didn't return to it until earlier this year as a way to try and move past their deaths (which i still refuse to believe happened).

you all have been absolutely **BRILLIANT** with all of the reviews and/or adding this story as a favorite! i cannot tell you how much it warms my heart to see reviews for my work and know that people like what i'm writing. much love to all of you! please keep it up and i may post the next chapter sooner!

if you would like to be the dog's bollocks and review again, or for the first time, don't hesitate to do so by clicking on the button below! please know that i read each and every one and appreciate them all!


	12. Rumor Has It

a/n: i am still not jk rowling, nor am i the head of warner brothers and therefore do not own the harry potter universe. i write about these character with love and affection and no copy infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence (in later chapters).** enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve: Rumor Has It<strong>

The morning sunlight refracted the diamond ring onto the pale blue walls creating a rainbow of light that danced and played with the shadows in the room. It was the first thing Remus saw when he woke the next morning, making him feel almost has though he was still dreaming. But reality caught up to his fanciful mind reminding him that it was only Nymphadora's wedding ring.

Married. Remus _still_ could not believe they had actually gone through with it. Perhaps because the past few days had been so surreal, yet so grounded and normal that he was finding it hard to come to grips with something so wonderful. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair, before looking down to the silver band around his finger. Even Lavinia's tirade from last night and the row that ensued could not diminish his happiness. _Married_. He had put such a mental block on the notion that he would ever _be_ married that even now, he could not accept the fact, as though he was in some bizarre yet wonderful dream. But here he was, in bed with his wife, on the final day of their honeymoon, contemplating making love to her.

"Dora," he said softly in her ear.

"Hmm," she said, her eyes shut tight against the strong rays of the morning sun, clearly not wanting to be disturbed.

"As it's our last day, we should make the most of what time we have."

"When do we have to be back?" she asked, eyes still firmly closed, her voice hoarse with sleep.

"I have to meet Caliban at eight, and I'd like a few moments at home before I have to pop back over."

"What time do we need to check out of the room?"

"By noon," Remus said, looking over to the digital clock on the nightstand. It was half eight.

She groaned as she sat up in bed, eyes still heavy with sleep, yawning as she spoke. "Do you want to head for the beach? We can check out of the room and take our bags with us, and then Apparate home around four. That should give you enough time to settle in."

"Let's go to the beach," Remus agreed, kissing the top of her head. "Who knows, I may even let you talk me into going deeper and treading water."

So they hurriedly put on their swim gear, packed up their belongings and went down to the lobby for a quick breakfast. After paying the bill for the hotel room, Tonks clucking over the extravagance and Remus' stomach churning as he handed over so much Muggle money, they headed back down the lane and back into the glory of the sand and the sea. Perhaps it was the fact they were leaving today that made Remus feel a little more adventurous and could not get into the water fast enough. It was freezing, just as before, but it felt exhilarating today instead of deadly. In his state of absolute amusement, he did not even notice the group of teenage girls pointing and staring at his scars, nor did he see the look of concern on Tonks' face. He simply was enjoying himself in the waters, the feel of the current pulling at his body, the feeling of her body wrapped around his as they jumped over the cresting waves, the tenderness of her laughter as she held him tight.

The warmth of the sun on his skin was nothing compared to the warmth in her eyes, in her smile, in her embrace. Lying down on the sand he could not have felt more peaceful, more in tune with his own needs, nor more aware of his love for her.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her, looking over to her grinning face.

"Nothing, something random and completely absurd." She said, still smiling.

"Those are the best kinds of thoughts," Remus said, rolling over on his side to look at her.

She looked at him "I have a rather amusing imagine of Mad-Eye on holiday here, wearing a boldly patterned cozzy, with his bad leg, and the reaction the Muggles would give him," she said. He started laughing heartily, as the absolutely mental image of Mad-Eye Moody in swimming trunks sunbathing came into focus in his mind's eye.

"I have to say my dear, that is probably the most absurd thing you could think of at a time like this."

"I told you it was bonkers! I was just thinking about how I have to go back into work on Monday because Mad-Eye was being a miserable old codger and how really he is the one who needs a holiday, and then I thought about him coming down here in shorts with his bad leg and magical eye."

Remus shook his head, grinning. "So your thoughts at the moment are on work and Mad-Eye?"

"My thoughts are on how I could get _out_ of going back to work on Monday so you and I could spend some more time together."

"Love, as much as I want to spend every moment with you, we are needed at home, to help with the effort in bringing down Voldemort. So much could have happened already in the few days we've been gone."

"I know," she said frowning. "Mad-Eye, unfortunately, is right. I _am_ needed back in the office; we're such short staffed as it is. I may even have to go in tomorrow. Before I left on Wednesday, we had new intelligence to suggest that there might be another cell of Death Eaters in Wales."

"Would you have to leave again?" Remus asked, and the happy feeling he had been enjoying started deflating rapidly.

"Some of the more senior Aurors might tackle that one," she said slowly and Remus knew she was lying.

"Dora," he said sympathetically, "it's your job. These things can't be helped. If you have to leave, you have to leave."

"I know, but I don't understand why _I_ always have to be the one who goes undercover. Every Auror was trained in Concealment and Disguise. They wouldn't be Aurors if they hadn't passed."

"Yet, you have a gift, one that serves the Ministry and the Department very well."

"Sometimes I feel that's all I'm good for," she muttered, not quite meeting his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, his brow furrowed with concerned.

"Sometimes I feel I wouldn't be as far as I am in the Department if I wasn't a metamorphmagus. I mean, I'm dead clumsy when I'm nervous or under pressure."

"And Moody has a bad leg, but that doesn't keep him from being a supreme Auror." Remus said kindly. "Sweetheart, even if you weren't a metamorphmagus, you would still be just as brilliant."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely. There is no one I trust with my life more, and I'm not just saying that because you're my wife. It was a very lucky day the Auror Department recruited you."

She looked at him for a moment, studying his face. "Do you know just how sweet you are?" she said, before grinning. "I think the luckiest day of my life was when I was asked to join the Order. Otherwise, I never would have met you." She leaned in to kiss his lips, still wet and salty from the seawaters.

They hung around the beach for a few more hours, but Remus was anxious to go home. He was starting play out worst case scenarios of what they might be coming back to, but reminded himself that _had_ something horrible taken place while they were away, the Order would have sent word. So around four that afternoon, they walked some distance away from the village before Disapparating.

Such a dramatic change in the scenery made Remus stagger for a moment as his feet landed on soft grassy earth. It was so much darker here, the knotted tangles of trees everywhere blocked out much of the warm rays of sunlight, casting shadows in its place. They walked inside their cottage, which felt cozy and much more comfortable than the posh hotel room with its crisp white sheets. All the same, Remus felt a little depressed leaving the beauty and tranquility of the seaside.

"I'm still so sandy," Tonks said, brushing off the sand on her white cover up dress. "Mind if I pop in the shower first? I don't want to show up at Molly's a mess."

"Not at all," Remus said, looking through the rather large stack of post waiting for them. He watched her climb the stairs with their bags as he flopped on the couch to see who all the post was from. Tonks, Remus had only just noticed, had not changed her hair since their wedding day. It was much longer than she usually wore it, a rich brown that had a slight wave and curl to it. Remus found it beautiful, especially in the sunlight where subtle highlights would glow almost magically, but odd seeing as she usually changed her hair at least twice a day. Perhaps she wanted to look more settled now that she was a married woman. He almost had to pinch himself once more that this was his life, that was his home, and he sitting on the couch reading one of the older copies of the _Daily Prophet_. Such domestic tranquility he never thought possible. And it was _his_ wife upstairs, showering… a rather wolfish thought crossed his mind. Perhaps she wouldn't mind some company…

All thought of the letters and news forgotten, he made his way up the stairs and into their bedroom, where the sounds of the running water and Tonks' singing seemed to echo in the bathroom. Taking off his clothes quietly, so she might not hear him coming, he wondered if it really was a good idea to surprise her like this. Thinking it safer to give her some warning, he cautiously called out, "Dora?"

There was a tiny squeal of surprise as something loud clanked to the bottom of the tub before she gave another squeal of pain. "Merlin's beard Remus! You gave me a fright!" She peaked her head around the shower curtain to see what he might need, but found instead Remus stripped down to his boxers, looking nervous and excited. "I see you didn't want to wait to get cleaned up. You _are_ rather dirty…" she said seductively, opening the curtain wider so he could join her. He pulled down his pants and eagerly stepped into the shower with her. The space was much smaller than he had pictured the scenario in his head, but Tonks didn't seem to mind, and in fact, was keenly pulling him closer, her hands pressing into his back as the hard fall of water ran over them, the heat warming their bodies even further. She started kissing him fiercely, Remus responding in kind, the force of their ardor and the water running between them making it hard to breathe.

"What brought about his sudden impulse?" Tonks panted, wiping water away from her eyes to look at him properly.

"A man can't make love to his wife?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow, looking back to her with longing and lust.

"This is a partnership remember. You can wash my back, only if I can wash yours," Tonks said, pulling Remus in close again to battle his lips and tongue against the warm pounding of water. Wrapping her arms around his neck she looked at him, signaling what she wanted, and hopped up so Remus could support her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her arms holding on tightly to his neck, Remus cupped her buttocks so as to not let their wet bodies separate too soon. This was all very new to Remus, who had some inclination on how this was to work in theory, but in practice he was every bit a novice. He pressed her slick body against the hard shower wall, pinning her there with his own body. She whimpered, and Remus could feel her whole body wanting desperately for him to fill her, shivering in anticipation even though the room was hot with steam.

Remus was all too happy to give her what she wanted. Thrusting upward, he connected into her eager body, and heard her cry out over the sounds of the pounding droplets of water. His hips moved back before thrusting upward again, her fingers gripping tightly into the skin of his back with passion and shear need to support herself. He felt her hips involuntarily grind into his, causing him to let out a moan of absolute pleasure. He loved it when her body responded to his, loved how it knew him and it was familiar, yet was always so surprised. They found a gentle yet forceful rhythm, the feeling of each other with the added element of warm water fueling their need for the other, Tonks constantly being pushed harder and harder into the wall with every thrust. But the force of their movements only seemed to add to her pleasure. Soon enough, her body became rigid, as her mouth opened wordlessly, sounds of delight managing to escape in gasps, feeling the waves of ecstasy overcome all her senses. Remus too was feeling the brink of bliss, causing him to shut his eyes tight, the ache almost too intense to bear, every muscle becoming taut, pushing her roughly against the wall as his hips pumped heavily until he released everything he had inside of her, moaning, before burying his head into her neck, taking in the soapy scent of her skin.

Breathing heavily, Tonks still sharply pinned to wall, Remus could feel her muscles begin to relax once more, her body returning to its normal equilibrium after such wonderful distress. He reluctantly released her from against the wall, backing a little away to the other side of the tub, not meeting her eyes.

"We need to holiday more often," she laughed, still panting from the force of her orgasm. "It has brought out the absolute honesty in your desire."

"I'm sor-" he started, but she covered his mouth with her hand, trapping water between them suddenly looking stern.

"Don't you dare say it Remus Lupin. What did I tell you about enjoying your sexual triumphs?" His mouth moved upwards in a smile behind her hand, causing her to release it.

"I was going to say, I'm sorry for pushing you so hard against the wall."

"I'm not," she grinned.

He was anxious later to leave her. After the row they had last night, he was eager to show her how much he loved her, how much she was apart of his life, how much she _was_ his life. As they talked over a hurried supper, Remus contemplated showing her some of the contents of the boxes in his old bedroom, but his foolish pride got the better of him. He had promised to meet Caliban at the Royal Oak Inn that night, so promptly at eight, he kissed her goodbye as she Apparated to the Burrow, and he back to Devon.

The pub here was more to Remus' liking. The atmosphere was friendly and clean, the patrons not too rowdy or subdued but respectful and enjoying the collective company of another. The music was low and appropriate, so as the guest could appreciate the conservations and laughter. There was one man, however, who did not appear to be enjoying the atmosphere. Due to his disfiguring scars and enormous height, Caliban was very visible through the crowd so Remus made his way towards the back, but was quick to discover Caliban was not alone.

"Lupin," Caliban said acknowledging his presence, not bothering to stand up.

"Lavinia, what are you doing here?" Remus groaned disappointed, ignoring Caliban for a moment. It was twice now she had shown up without warning. Lavinia smiled.

"I'd thought I'd surprise you again and buy you another drink." She said, handing him a pint of a light amber colored lager. He noticed she was not drinking her much preferred glass of Stella Artois, but shots of vodka, the bottle of clear liquid on the table over half gone. Remus silently prayed to Merlin she hadn't consumed all of the missing liquid, as he couldn't deal with her mad ravings _again_. "You are, after all, newly married, and just the talk of the town." Lavinia said with sarcasm and a hint of resentment. "A werewolf marrying a metamorphmagus, such a scandal. You wouldn't believe the rumors. Bets have been placed to see what kind of mutant children the two of you will come up with."

"Cormier, that's enough." Caliban said, his voice low and sharp. He didn't look pleased Lavinia had turned up advantageously and clearly was not enjoying her company anymore than Remus. "We have more important matters to discuss tonight."

"That's right," Remus said, but Lavinia scoffed at him.

"So, let me see if I got this right- You come waltzing back into town, after getting married to a witch, one of the most human of experiences, against everything the pack stands for, and then expect us to risk everything to pass along information about the werewolves and the Dark Lord? Does that sound about right?" The slurring of the 's' in her rant told Remus all he needed to know about how the night would turn out.

"Lavinia, I'm not asking either of you for anything." Remus said patiently, his head beginning to ache with the thought of putting up with her for another evening. Perhaps Tonks had been right; what had he seen in her to spark the friendship between them? He certainly could not see it now. "Caliban asked me here tonight for a drink as a friend, which I gladly accepted. I don't see why your wand is in a knot about the whole thing. You very rudely spoke to my wife last night, and your behavior, I can see, has not improved in the slightest. It should be no concern of yours what happens in my personal life. I'm the one taking the risk, and risking the safety of Nymphadora, not you. You very assumedly told Caliban all about my marriage, and Merlin knows who else, so now it's only a matter of time before Greyback knows-"

"He knows." Lavinia and Caliban said together.

"And then by that measure, I'm sure so does the Dark Lord…" Remus said bitterly, gulping down some of his beer. Remus didn't know what Voldemort would do with this knowledge, but it certainly put an ominous mood over the table.

"I don't know about the Dark Lord, but Greyback's not pleased. You're very rapidly moving up his priorities list, Lupin. But he has more pressing matters to deal with at the moment." Caliban added cryptically and did not elaborate.

"Which is?" Remus pressed him further, but Caliban did not budge.

"Which is none of your business unless you can answer me one question." Caliban barked. He seemed rather angry at the whole situation, and Remus was at a loss to know why. "How is it the Ministry knew where to find the small pack of unregistered in Kent last night?"

"Last night?" he said, looking between Caliban and Lavinia as though they were apart of some elaborate joke.

"Yes, Lupin, last night." Caliban said, his good eye narrowed with suspicion.

"Stephan, I was in Woolacombe last night, as Liv very well knows. So I don't know anything about this. Greyback might not have hid them well enough, or they did something stupid to give away their position."

"Wrong answer." Lavinia said, taking a shot of vodka.

"The Ministry just captured an entire unit of some of our greatest defense men, Thaliard among them. Some of them resisted and were killed. Everyone else has been taken to the Ministry, where they have been branded."

"What? I thought they weren't doing that! There was no mention of it in the new law that was passed." Remus said, his eyes wide with shock and disbelief.

"Wake up RJ," Lavinia said bitterly. "Are you really that naïve to think the Ministry is going to report the branding of their citizens?" She gave a short laugh. "I thought you were supposed to be intelligent, professor."

"I suppose not." Remus said, and he saw Lavinia absentmindedly touch the spot on her right forearm that bore her own mark. "But what happened to them? Are they in Azkaban?"

"We don't know where they are," Caliban said, sounding weary, rubbing the disfiguring scars on his face. "There is no report of a group being moved to Azkaban so they must still be at the Ministry."

"Was Thaliard killed?" Remus asked concerned.

"We don't know, our intel suggests that he was one of the captured, but you know him. No way he wouldn't go down without a fight." Caliban said, taking a long swig from his pint.

"Who or what is this intel you have on the inside?" Remus asked, stunned that had the group really been taken down _last night_, they already knew about crucial details the next day. Even Lavinia, who was not able to go back to the caves, knew about it. Again, he was starting to feel suspicious about the why and how Lavinia was popping up everywhere lately.

"It's none of your concern," Lavinia said fiercely, but Caliban put a hand on her arm.

"We have spies too, Lupin," he said. "And we trust our sources. Which is more than I can say about you at the moment."

Remus mused on this, finding it fascinating and odd that the suspicion was placed on him. Though, he no doubt was becoming a scapegoat for anything that went wrong with the pack now that his true intentions for his involvement this past year had been revealed. But he worried most about this alleged secret network of communication between the Ministry and pack members and Greyback. This was something he should bring to the Order's attention. There was certainly a mole working within the Ministry who was providing the pack with up to the minute accounts of Law Enforcement happenings.

"Well, I had no idea that happened," Remus said finally, "and I _am_ sorry to hear that people were killed as a result. I will be even more upset if Thaliard was among them. He was a good friend to me underground."

"There is nothing they could have done except to fight," Caliban said slowly, still looking suspiciously at Remus. "Just a shame it wasn't on a week of a full moon, then the odds might have been a little more fair. With Greyback not letting us use our magic, most of us are rusty when it comes to defensive spells. They could have used the extra strength given to us by a coming full moon."

"Too bad it wasn't hand to hand combat." Remus said. "The Ministry would have been overwhelmed."

"I think that's how some of them died." Caliban said, shaking his head sadly. "They ran at the WCU agents and tried to beat them to a pulp, but there is nothing you can do when ten agents are all using _Avada Kadavra_."

"Now can you see how mad Greyback's methods are?" Remus said, shaking his head feeling his temper rising. "Being skilled in a fist fight cannot save us if the Ministry is using Unforgivable Curses!"

"The Ministry shouldn't _be_ using the Unforgivable Curses on anyone!" Lavinia said passionately. "We live in an unjust society Lupin. Some of Greyback's methods are a bit medieval, but when we have nothing to gain, we have nothing to lose."

"Lavinia, what they did to you is horrible. But they don't know any better," Remus said.

"Ignorance is no excuse for cruelty," spat Lavinia.

"No, it's not, but neither is retaliation. Violence cannot solve our problems with the Ministry."

"Oh, and diplomacy will?" Lavinia said, not able to keep the contempt out of her voice. "When has that ever solved anything? Lupin, there are days I would like nothing more than to wring your neck."

"Trust me Liv, the sentiment goes both ways." Remus mumbled, keeping his voice low. She didn't seem to notice his comment in her inebriated state, but Caliban's eye shifted to stare more intently at Remus, looking at him with distrust. Remus sighed. "Greyback's methods are for us to lose our humanity. I mean, look at what he made us call one another. We had to use our surnames only. Lupin, Thaliard, Caliban, Cormier, it's dehumanizing to reduce us in that way."

"It's better than being known as a randomly assigned number on a registry." Lavinia said. She held out her hand to Caliban as though in greeting. "Nice to meet you I'm 7139, and you are?"

"Happily unregistered," Caliban said, taking another long drink from his glass.

"Don't you see the way he has brainwashed everyone? Living in the dark recesses of caves, not able to use our proclivity for magic, restricting our access to any civil luxuries or means for personal hygiene. Under those conditions, anyone would come to resent those who have more. Those poor children in the caves now… it makes me sick to think that they will never know human compassion or dignity or love. I mean, Lavinia, at least you grew up in a home where your parents loved you."

"Funny way of showing love, when they keep you prisoner and treat you like a freak. A brother who thinks you are the face of pure evil, a mother who physically didn't let me out of the house until I was sixteen, a father who never was able to look me square in the eye, even when he was dying. Ha! Love… marriage has made you soft RJ. It was all I could do from blasting the lot of 'em, I was glad to have escaped and run away when I did. Thal and Bass saved me from having to go back there. But now…" She said bitterly, looking down into the empty shot glass as though it held the answers to all of her problems.

"But _now_," Remus said, picking up her train of thought, "even with your family history, you went back to help your mum when she needed you because they _loved_ you enough to keep you in their home as their _daughter_. They gave you a magical education, and taught you right from wrong. That is more than can be said for poor Marrok or Daciana or any of the other children who were abandoned by their mothers and fathers, not to mention those who were born into the pack. Newborns made to suffer transformations each month…" He shuddered as the bile in his stomach churned horribly. It made him physically ill to think about those kids, and how there was nothing he could do for them. He had thoughts of removing them from that place, moving them away from the caves, but where would he take them? They couldn't all live in the tiny cottage, nor did he have the means to feed and clothe them all. He supposed he could ask for help from other Order members, but that was a terrible burden trying to raise a child who was infected. "There was once a time werewolves and wizards lived compatibly with one another-"

"I know our history," she said waving a hand at the inconsequence of his ramblings. "But we don't live in the nineteenth century any longer RJ. We are approaching a new millennium, and yet, we are being reduced to conditions worse than the Dark Ages."

"But it can change!" Remus said fiercely. "We just have to fight it, without the use of violence. If we show them that we are a peaceful people, no different than any other witch or wizard, they will see we deserve the same respect."

"Lupin, we are not a peaceful race." Caliban said slowly, his voice dark and low. "Each of us have a demon inside which makes us prone to violence. You seem to be the exception to the rule with your constant need to assimilate."

"Stephan, you are a gifted fighter, and I don't think my shoulder will ever be the same after fighting you. But you don't purposefully go out of your way to hurt others."

"I have no need." Caliban said simply.

"Exactly. If we were as cruel and demonic as they say we are, surely we would be killing others for sport, for fun, like the Dark Lord does. We kill only when we have to, and when our human minds have left all reason."

"Not all of us," Caliban said darkly, and Remus knew he was speaking of Greyback.

"RJ," Lavinia said, taking deep purposeful breaths, and Remus knew she was trying to keep her temper in check. Or was trying to keep her drink down. "We are never going to find a middle ground with these people. They want nothing more than to kill the lot of us, or lock us away so we never have to contaminate their precious world."

"Lavinia, we can, and we will. We just need to find a way to speak to their better nature."

The three of them were quiet for some time, each of them lost in their own thoughts, drinking their beverages of choice.

"So RJ, Lavinia tells me that your new wife is an Auror." Caliban said pleasantly. It was the first time he had ever heard Caliban speak in so causal a manner that it made Remus cautious in responding.

"She is," Remus said slowly. "Which was why I was so surprise to hear about the raid in Kent. Usually she knows a lot of the ins and outs of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Well she was rather busy being on her honeymoon." Lavinia said turning her head sideways to look at Remus with sarcasm. "Besides it was all very hush-hush, coming so late in at night. They tend to do that when they're rounding up and branding innocent people like cattle-"

"Liv was a little vague on the details about your wedding," Caliban said interrupting her tirade. "Personally I think she's a bit jealous. And quite a bit drunk." Caliban was now forcing Lavinia's hand away from pouring another shot of vodka.

"I am not," Lavinia said, sloshing liquor on her front as she moved the bottle away from Caliban's reach. "I told you everything I know about her. Oh, but Stephan," she giggled in a most unattractive manner, "what I didn't mention was just how terribly young she is. Practically a baby."

"You sly dog," Caliban said with a very Sirius-like wink. "You bagged yourself a young metamorphmagus Auror. Sounds very glamorous."

"I can assure you it's not." Remus said.

"Well, it won't be glamorous when Greyback comes looking for you." Lavinia said darkly, not bothering to pour another shot and instead drank directly from the bottle.

"What do you mean _when_ he comes looking for me? You said he wasn't bothered at the moment, that he had more important things to worry about." Remus said startled.

"He does," Lavinia said in too casual a manner that the situation called for. "That doesn't mean that when he's finished with the Dark Lord's bidding, he won't come after you."

"Liv," Caliban said sternly. "Really, there is no need to be-"

"No, RJ is all about _truth_ Stephan, you know that. So I'm just giving him a big dose of reality. Personally, I think what you did to that poor girl is selfish and crueler than the Ministry branding us with our numbers."

"Cormier," Caliban said dangerously.

"No, let her finish." Remus said. "You were saying something like this last night. What is it you find so repulsive in my marriage to Nymphadora?"

Lavinia had a disgusted look on her face. "I think you have saddled her with a life of extreme danger and uncertainty. You're worried about her now," she gave a bark of bitter laughter, "just wait a few years when the War has calmed down and she's going to want children. She's young and has an exciting career at the moment, but soon enough she'll be begging you, pleading with you to have a child who is both a piece of you and of her. I think you forget Remus, that I've been through this before, and look where it got me."

"Lavinia, our relationships cannot even be compared." Remus said firmly, internally trying to ignore the truth behind Lavinia's words.

"We're both werewolves, and our partners were not. When it comes down to it, I don't see a lot of difference."

"You were _happily_ married for almost seven years Liv," Caliban said. "But you kept your condition hidden from him for the entire time. It wasn't until he suspected you were having an affair did he follow you that night. Remus' wife already knows about him, and being a skilled witch, is probably more capable of defending herself than Bassianus Cormier was. Thaliard said he couldn't even perform a proper shield charm, and coming up against a savage werewolf, he wouldn't have had a chance."

"Did you _really_ need to bring that up? You're such a bastard sometimes, Caliban, you know that?" she said, taking a last swig from the bottle before slamming it down on the table with such force, it rattled the glasses. She got up and walked out, her bright blue eyes flashing dangerously, oblivious to the stares she was getting from the other patrons. Remus stood up to follow her, but Caliban said, "Don't. Just let her go. She always gets like this when she's pissed."

"You probably shouldn't have brought up Bass. You know that is the one weak spot in her armor." Remus said taking his seat once more.

"She needs to be put in place. She can become so high-minded when she thinks she's right." Caliban said cruelly.

"You should have heard her the other night." Remus said shaking his head. "Went off on my wife and upset her terribly. It was so unlike the Lavinia I knew."

"I think the toll of her mother's condition, the fact Bass' two year death date is in two weeks and everything that happened with the Ministry, she's starting to collapse under the stress of it all."

"I know I would be. But still, it's no excuse for her behavior. She used to be able to keep a civil tongue when she got pissed. I don't know what has changed so rapidly."

"I don't know," Caliban sighed, looking out to where Lavinia had left, a frown and look of apprehension intermingling on his face. "But it might have to do with the fact that she's jealous."

"Why because I got married?"

"Because of the _who_ you got married to, not the marriage itself. She's clearly not against the institution, having been apart of it for nearly seven years. She's in love with you," Caliban said seriously.

"Bollocks," Remus said, giving off a nervous sort of laugh.

"It's true. She won't admit it, but its pretty clear what's going on here."

"She's still in love with Bass, Stephan. She can't let him go."

"Why else would she be this upset about you getting married?"

_I had thought at one point I might have tempted you_, she had told him last night, but Remus had chalked it up to the alcohol talking. "I can't seem to win. Liv is jealous of Dora because she's my wife and Dora is jealous of Liv because of all the time we had spent together underground," Remus said shaking his head.

"Women," Caliban said simply. "It's bad enough they get all emotional once a month, and then pile on a full moon... I'm surprised Liv hasn't cracked sooner with all the raging hormones. Listen, I'm happy for you mate," and Remus could feel his genuine sincerity, "I find myself being a bit green with envy like Liv. Only I wish I could be so lucky in finding someone who accepted me as I am." Remus didn't know if he spoke of the gruesome scars on his face or his lycanthropy, but he felt sorry for the man all the same.

"There is someone out there for everyone. Besides, I thought you had a thing with Miranda?"

"Nah, she was just interested in procreating with me. Tallest and the strongest member of the pack had her all hot and bothered."

Remus laughed. "Well, things do become rather primal when we get down to it."

"Listen," Caliban said, leaning in close and looking very serious. "Lavinia doesn't want me to tell you any of the information I was going to pass along to you tonight. She's got herself convinced your wife leaked to the Ministry the Kent location."

"Nymphadora didn't know about it," Remus said quickly, but he then realized that wasn't entirely true. He _had_ told her a few weeks ago that his friend Thaliard had been in Kent with a few others. Would Nymphadora really tell the Ministry about the location of a group of werewolves? Immediately Remus knew the thought was absurd; she was fiercely protective of werewolf rights, even punched one the members in the Werewolf Capture Unit just for being snarky.

"I'm not keeping much store by Lavinia's word at the moment. She's jealous of your wife and merely wants me to hate her by discrediting her. The fact she's a Ministry employee and knowingly married a registered werewolf tells me she is either insane or one of the best sorts of people."

"She a little of both," Remus grinned. "But saintly would be a good adjective in describing her."

"So, I'm going to tell you what I know. It's not much but I have a feeling you can put the information to good use."

"It's not because you trust me?"

"Your wife might not have told the Ministry, but I told you personally that Thaliard and some of the others were hiding in Kent three weeks ago, and now they suddenly find themselves captured? My trust for you is very thin and I can never be too careful. The woods have ears, you know. But the zeal you have for bringing down the Dark Lord compels me to give you some important details."

"Which would be…?"

"The Dark Lord is planning an attack on the Minister and the Ministry."

"Is it certain?" Remus asked stunned Caliban had been privy to such details. The Order knew that Voldemort no doubt had plans of seizing control of the Ministry, but they never had any solid evidence to prove one way or another. "How do you know this?"

"You really expect me to so willing hand over the identity of my source to you?" Caliban asked, and Remus could see doubt creep into Caliban's conscious mind as he hesitated in releasing more information. "I trust you enough to give you this information, but I don't trust you enough to reveal any of my own secrets."

"Of course not, it was stupid of me to ask." Remus said quickly.

Caliban took a deep breath before continuing. "Soon enough, the information I give you won't be secret for much longer, which is a reason I feel comfortable revealing it to you. I'm only hoping that this organization you work for, Liv I think called it something Phoenix?"

"The Order of the Phoenix," Remus said, his eyes narrowing in concern. He worried that Lavinia let slip all sorts of details he had told her in confidence, especially details concerning his involvement with the Order. She really was becoming a sloppy drunk and a lousy friend.

"Well, I hope these Order people have the means and the necessary effort to take this information and do the most good with it."

"So it's certain the Dark Lord is planning an attack?" Remus pressed further.

"I don't know when, but he will make his move within a month. Now that Dumbledore is dead the Dark Lord feels he has no real barriers between his desires of ultimate control over the wizarding population."

"Why hasn't he tried something sooner? I mean, Dumbledore's been dead nearly a month." Had it really only been that long? It almost felt like he had departed them ages ago, and Remus was sad for a moment he had not properly mourned Dumbledore's death.

"He's bidding his time, lolling the Ministry into a false sense of security. He has also been planting unbranded Death Eaters into key positions at the Ministry so that when he does make his move, it will be as smooth as possible so as not to raise alarm. He is monitoring Harry Potter from the Ministry through these spies. He wants Greyback and others from the pack for backup when the time comes. Even without the full moon, people are too afraid to fight werewolves, especially when Fenrir Greyback is alpha and has taken to attacking people without the influence of the moon." Remus thought sadly of Bill Weasley. "Once the Dark Lord is in power, they will begin their hunt for Muggles and Muggleborns without fear of retaliation. The Dark Lord promised Greyback and skilled members blood in exchange for their service, so they will track persons and families for the Dark Lord. That was why Greyback emphasized tracking so much in our training."

"Which I epically fail at."

"Which is why I am warning you. You are easy enough to track Remus; Lavinia, as you know, has been doing it for some time now."

"And she told me she was just finding me out for her own amusement." Remus said, taking a tentative sip from his glass.

"Well, she hasn't been trailing you for information, so much as checking up on you. She was worried about you."

"Worried about _me_?" Remus asked.

"She was worried about what Greyback would do to you now that everyone knows your true intensions were. And she's not too far from the mark, especially now. Greyback will not have a hard time finding you and subsequently your new wife. As you know, he's one of the most skilled trackers of anyone alive, so I'd urge you to be careful because he is knowingly seeking revenge against you."

"Thank you Stephan. You've been a good friend to me. More so than Lavinia…"

"Lavinia is your friend Lupin. She wouldn't have been concerned about you if she hadn't been. But she's jealous, plain and simple. She sees your happiness and wishes it were her own. Especially since her marriage ended so horribly."

"It's tragic what she did to Bass, but she cannot blame herself entirely. She was transformed at the time."

"She thinks had she told him about what she is, then he would have known to stay away. But she also knew in her heart, had she told him, he would have run as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Which is why your wife is a very special woman."

"She is." Remus said, feeling overcome with love and affection for Tonks. She knew who he was, knew what he could become, and yet she stayed, had even begged to stay with him. Remus had to remind himself that most people, most rational sane people, would go running. But she stayed, and now she was his wife, and forever they would be together. The thought was terrifying yet magnificent.

"Have you told her about Lavinia?" Caliban asked.

"She's met her obviously, and I can't see them becoming close any time soon, but Dora knows she's my friend and has some respect for that." Remus said slowly.

Caliban looked serious. "RJ, I'm saying this as a friend. You should tell your wife about what happened in the caves."

"What she doesn't know can't hurt her." Remus said, drinking the last of beer. "I promised I'd buy you a drink tonight," Remus said, signaling for the waitress to bring them another round of drinks.

Remus didn't stay much longer after he finished his second drink. He couldn't enjoy this time with Caliban, even though the man was putting forth the effort of being personable and courteous, something Caliban was not known for. He was thinking about how he needed to get back to tell the Order about what he had just learned. He thanked Caliban for his time and the company and the information. They agreed to meet again in four weeks, on 2 August, at the Inn at the same time. Remus Apparated back to the cottage, opening the front finding it dark except for the glowing remains of a fire in the hearth. Tonks was asleep on the couch, official looking papers on the floor and pieces of correspondence in her hand.

"Dora?" he said cautiously, knowing her Auror training sometimes made her too alert when woken suddenly.

"Hmm?" She mumbled, not opening her eyes.

"I need to talk to you," Remus said, looking down at his watch; it was quarter past ten.

"In the morning," she said yawning, rolling over so the papers in her hand made a crumpling noise as they pressed between her body and the cushions.

"It can't wait till morning." Remus said sternly. She popped her head up, eyes wide, her face contorted with sleep and concern looking around as though they were under attack.

"What's wrong?" she said suddenly, sitting up on the couch, reaching for her wand. He crouched down to gently put his hands over her overly concerned ones. She stopped her searching and looked at him intently.

"Caliban told me tonight that Voldemort is planning an attack on the Ministry," Remus said grimly.

She looked at him for a moment, as though he was speaking another language. But her faced relaxed as she said, "We thought he might." She stretched her limbs, crumpling the letter further in the fist she made. "Remind me not sleep on that couch. It's bloody awful." She threw the letter in the fireplace, which crackled merrily with the new addition of parchment.

"Dora, focus." Remus said, standing up. "Caliban said Voldemort would attack within the month. Or was it in a month? Whatever the case may be, Voldemort is planning something soon. That even now there are people within the Ministry who are followers of Voldemort, unmarked so as to not give themselves away and when the time comes the transition will be smooth."

She frowned looking at him. "Remus, You-Know-Who just can't come waltzing into the Ministry anymore. As horribly unreliable Scrimgeour has been lately, he's still protected the Ministry thus far. As for spies, Mad-Eye, in his typical fashion, has been privately investigating top Ministry members for such treachery. He hasn't found anything yet, but that's not stopping him from furthering his investigation to include even the janitorial staff."

"Dora, if that's the case, then the Ministry has been further infiltrated than we may know. Why are you not more alarmed about this? Spies within the Ministry mean spies against Harry."

"Who we are moving in two weeks. Remus, it's getting late-"

"I'm contacting Moody," he said drawing his wand and summoning a Patronus messenger spell.

"He won't be pleased being woken up like that," she said, collecting the papers that fell from her lap. But whether Mad-Eye was pleased or not, he arrived just a few minutes later, pounding loudly on their front door.

"Alright, alright," Tonks said opening the door for him. Mad-Eye, fully dressed, his mechanical eye zooming about wildly, barging his way through the front hall.

"Where's Remus?" Mad-Eye said, his wooden leg giving him trouble, as he had not put it back on properly in his haste.

"And good evening to you," Tonks said gesturing toward the sitting room. "I'm going to bed. I should be at the beach right now, but _someone_ needs me back at the office on Monday. Even Robards said I could have the week off." She said very pointedly at Mad-Eye.

"You'll get your holiday, after Voldemort is dead and I can finally retire for good knowing you won't cock up the Auror department." Mad-Eye growled. Remus watched Tonks climb the stairs mockingly repeating Mad-Eye's words.

"No time for pleasantries, Lupin, get to it."

"Right, so my source from the pack informed me tonight that Voldemort is planning on attacking the Ministry sometime in the next month."

"Good, we knew he'd try something like this, we just needed the proof." Moody said, pacing as best he could with only one good leg. "Did he give you a specific date?"

"No, just that he was planning on killing the Minister sometime in the next coming weeks. That now that Dumbledore was dead, there would be no one to stand in his way. He also said there are supporters within the Ministry who will help to make the transition to power smooth." Remus said pressing it further.

"Again, something we've suspected," Moody said. "And?"

"_And_? What else is there to know? We should move Harry tonight, or tomorrow. If there is a threat to the Ministry and it does fall, they can't protect Harry, and the Order can only do so much."

"Lupin, Potter is protected by more than just the Ministry and the Order. He has his mother's protection. It's why Dumbledore emphasized that the boy remain there until his coming of age when the protection will be null and void."

"But still, Mad-Eye. This is serious." He didn't understand why Moody and Tonks were taking this so lightly.

"Damn right it's serious!" Moody barked. "I'm going to inform Gawin Robards about what you've told me. I won't say who the information is from, but let him know to get the top defensive men paying particular attention to Scrimgeour. I might suggest pulling Kingsley from guarding the Muggle Prime Minister and have him guard our own Minister for a change."

"Would that be a safe decision?"

"Probably not, and Robards would never go for it. The Muggle Prime Minister also has a bit of a soft spot for Shacklebolt. Well, I might just ask Kingsley to do a little double duty for a while. Covertly of course. Robards gets so shirty with me when I undermine this authority."

"Of course."

"And Nymphadora will need to go back to Scotland." Moody said looking serious, his magical eye fixed on Remus. "It's time she try to infiltrate the cell further. She's been away too long. They'll notice her absence, making it harder for them to trust her."

"How long will she be gone for this time?" Remus asked quietly.

Moody fixed him a curious, yet sad and understanding expression. "A fortnight. Maybe longer. She'll of course need to be back before we move Potter on the 27th, but until then..."

Remus simply nodded his head once. "Right. And she'll leave?"

"Tonight, if she can. The longer she's away from the Death Eaters means more information she's not gaining. We need to get them to divulge secrets to her, especially some of the other locations of these covert groups. If we can attack some of these sleeper cells of Death Eaters, we might have a better chance of staving off this alleged attack by You-Know-Who. It's something else I'll have to talk to Robards about. This was his assignment for her."

"Would you like to tell her or should I?"

"Best you go and do it. She's a little hotheaded at me at the moment," Moody said and Remus wanted to laugh for the slight look of fear the tough Auror had over upsetting Tonks.

"Be back in a mo." Remus said, and after taking the stairs two at a time, he tentatively looked into their bedroom. Tonks was lying in the bed, wearing her oversized Weird Sister concert tee, reading a magazine on broomsticks.

"I've been thinking of buying a new broom. My Cleansweep Ten is already so outdated…" she said, not bothering to look up, flipping through the pages, not really looking at the new models.

"Dora," Remus began but she cut him off.

"Mad-Eye wants me to leave doesn't he?"

"He'd like you to leave tonight."

"_Tonight_?" she said finally looking at him, her dark eyes narrowed in anger, her hair becoming fiery red color has it always did when she was furious. Swinging her legs out of bed to put her fuzzy slippers on she was muttering, more to herself than to Remus, "Who the bloody hell doe he think he is? First he takes away my holiday and now, right after I get back… _Tonight_?"

"Dora, this is important," Remus said following her rage down the stairs, her wand letting off a few frustrated sparks and Remus thought comically why Mad-Eye had looked frightened in confronting her.

"Mad-Eye!" she yelled at him, pointing her wand threateningly. "You mean to tell me that I'm suppose to leave on this mission _now_, in the middle of the night, the day I come home from my honeymoon, which was lovely, thank you for asking."

"Nymphadora, as your boss and as Head of the Order I am commanding you-"

"_Commanding_? Did you hear that Remus, Mad-Eye is commanding people now." She said, not lowering her wand.

"Nymphadora Lupin!" Moody growled, his temper rising looking fierce. "You'll get that wand out of my face and do as you're told if you know what's bloody well good for you!"

There was a rather pregnant pause.

"Tomorrow," she said lowering her wand, a funny look on her face when he called her by her married name. She knew the importance of her mission, knew that Mad-Eye, who had cried at their wedding, would never ask this from her had it not been vital to their success. "I will leave tomorrow. I would like to have one last night with my husband, and get some proper sleep, before I leave tomorrow morning."

"Fine," Moody consented. "I'll meet you tomorrow at 06:00 in London with Robards to go over the details. I'm going to want messages from you everyday to hear about your progress. If you can pull this off in less time, and Robards and I feel we could bring more Aurors in, then you may come home earlier. But I'm not going to hear anymore of your lip tonight."

"Dually noted," she said. "Now Mad-Eye, as much fun as it is to have you here, I'd like to be alone with my husband. We are newlyweds after all."

"Not too much alone time, you need a clear head tomorrow!" Mad-Eye said as Tonks led him to the front door. "Remember constant-" but Tonks had slam the door shut in his face. "You'll regret that! The paperwork on your desk will be sky high when you return!" he shouted through the door.

"Well shit, this was not the way I wanted to spend our first week together as man and wife." She said coming over to hug Remus, resting her head against his chest.

"I know love," Remus said, stroking her hair which was slowly returning to its normal brown color, his anxieties beginning their familiar dance in the pit of his stomach. A fortnight away from her? It was dreadful enough not having her there for those four days she was away, but now to have gone for two weeks, or even longer… Holding her in his arms, he almost regretted telling Moody about the new information.

"Come on, let's get to bed." She said begrudgingly letting go of him to walk back upstairs.

As much as they wanted to make love to another, the thought of doing so seemed to emphasize the point of her leaving, leaving him alone in this bed for so long. So instead they spent that night holding one another, taking in the others scent, holding onto the memory of what the other's body felt like, before letting the gentle arms of sleep carry them both into a peaceful lull. They knew it was to be the longest fourteen days in their entire lives.

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><p>an: eek! new threats, new challenges, new missions, the honeymoon period is over before it even started in times of war. and now two weeks apart from one another will feel like a lifetime away. and for those of you keeping track of your lunar charts, two weeks is the coming of the full moon and the start of the new Ministry laws. stay tuned to see what happens!

what did you think of the movie? i've already seen it three times, and i loved it and still cry every time! however, i was disappointed about a number of things that i won't elaborate on in case anyone has not seen it yet, but it was still an amazing movie, though i'm still in denial it really is over.

sorry for the delay in posting a new chapter, but life alas has gotten in the way. but i'm settled and ready to get more chapters out! a MASSIVE THANK YOU to anyone who has reviewed this story or added it as a favorite. last chapter and this chapter are setting up for more dramatic turn of events for the upcoming chapters, so please stick with this story! if you haven't yet, or would really be brilliant and review again, please click the button below and review! it makes my day to see reviews for my work!


	13. Body Snatchers

**a/n: **as much as i wish today was my birthday, its jk rowling's, who owns the rights to the harry potter universe, along with warner brothers. no copyright infridgement is intended as i merely play with these characters with love and respect. M rating for adult situations, language, and violence. this chapter is a bit longer than is typical, but i promise, it's worth it! **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 13: Body Snatchers <strong>

The sun was warm and bright in the cool early morning air, as it made its daily eastern rise over the Earth. As Tonks had not unpacked her magical traveling bag from their holiday, there was little need for her to pack, and spent what little time they had together giving Remus a very tearful goodbye, hugging him as though she was never to see him again.

"You'll be home soon," Remus reminded her, stroking her hair soothingly, but in reality was trying to soothe himself more. "A fortnight isn't terrible."

"Being away from you for any length of time is terrible," she said, wiping away some her tears. She pulled him close, kissing him tenderly. "You'll keep my rings safe won't you?" Tonks, very wisely, was leaving her wedding rings at home as they would be sure to give her away. He had watched her that morning very reluctantly take them off, a pained look on her face as though she was pulling away a piece of herself.

"Of course," he said.

"I love you," she said, leaning in to kiss him once more.

"I love you more," he said, resting his forehead against hers.

She gave a half-hearted chuckle. "That is simply… impossible." He gave her one last kiss goodbye before she Apparated, and an instant, left him very much alone.

For the rest of the day, Remus found he was in no mood to do any one thing in particular. He seemed to wander about the house like a ghost, with no real purpose or direction. He knew he was being foolish, that there were dozens of things he should be doing, Caliban's warning still swirling around in his head, but he simply chose not to act and wanted instead to wallow in his self-pity. He sent a note with Wagtail to Ted Tonks, letting him know that the honeymoon had been great, but Dora was no longer at home because she had to leave for a covert mission. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to let Ted know is daughter had left, but he felt that if Merlin forbid anything should happen to her, Dora's parents deserved the right to know why. An owl came later from Mrs. Weasley inviting he and Tonks for dinner that evening, to which he replied that Dora was no longer at home and he was not feeling up to company, thanking her all the same. He felt put out, not himself. Normally, he would have jumped at the chance for good company and good food, but he no longer felt so inclined. He knew she wouldn't be gone forever, knew she would be back sooner than he could really begin to miss her. But he still felt piteous and melancholy, and was starting to harbor even more resentment towards Voldemort. It really all came back to _him_ and this dreadful war.

Later that night, in an pitiful attempt at making himself supper, he opened the icebox finding the top of their wedding cake. He looked at it almost with disgust. They had not been married a week before she was gone, off to some dangerous location with some of the most evil wizards whose soul purpose was to follow the demands of Voldemort. He worried for her, worried that she might blow her cover and would be tortured or kill for her treachery. He worried about what it might do to her personality having to spend so much time pretending to be so horribly cruel and sadistic. He remembered how irritable she had been when she came home from just four days with them; he shuddered to think what she would be like when she came back from a fortnight. The honeymoon period certainly would be over.

The next day, no longer finding himself quite so stubbornly forlorn, he set out with a plan to conquer the next two weeks by making himself as busy as possible. He set on creating a garden space where he could plant herbs and flowers for potion ingredients, vegetables to eat and possibly a blueberry bush. With his careful patience, and newfound focused attention, he managed to weed, hoe and seed a large patch of earth behind the cottage in less than three days. He even had thoughts about creating a fence so no wandering wildlife might come in and eat the fledgling plants, but his carpentry skills were rather limited, and the materials could be rather expensive. So he simply put a charm around the area, but it didn't have the aesthetic appeal a white washed fence would have. When he wasn't puttering around the new garden, he set about helping the Order in any way he could, accepting smaller missions that took him away from the lonely cottage, missions that especially involved him to patrol at night when his loneliness was all too consuming. He found his time with other members of the Order during these missions was the distraction he _really_ needed, as he needed the human interaction that could not be found at home. Bill Weasley became his personal savior, with his upbeat attitude and humor, he helped Remus through even his most depressed days.

He also set on course to begin writing his book, which he had decided to turn into a novel, though how he would go about doing this was still entirely to chance. He found, however, that on nights he wasn't on patrol for the Order, he sought refuge in his writing, where he could escape, lost in memory and research. Hours seem to fly by when he was writing, completely oblivious to time or his physical needs.

But even in his busy days and even busier nights, Remus still missed Tonks terribly. The distractions he created for himself did nothing to help relieve the ache in his heart or the lack of warmth in their bed. His body was physically pained without her, longing to wrap its arms around her body, to hold her gently, to laugh with her, to love her. The only thing his busy schedule did manage to accomplish was to kill time, and soon enough a week had past without hearing from her. He voiced his concerns to Mad-Eye after the weekly Sunday Order meeting, who informed him, that good to her word Tonks had been sending him updates everyday through Patronus messages.

"She's just fine, son." Moody said trying as best he could to pacify Remus' worried expression. But Moody was never one for comfort. "So far there have been no scary incidents or anything out of the ordinary to report. But even contacting me with these brief messages is terribly dangerous for her. She cannot risk contacting anyone else, and don't you go sending her messages through any means of communication. It would be a dead give away and they'll kill her for sure." Moody growled at him.

Disappointed, he went home that night startled to find Wagtail sitting impatiently on the dining table with a letter in his beak, looking tired and thoroughly put out. Coming close to relieve the bird of its delivery, he saw the envelope was address to "Mum". Remus looked carefully at envelope, and then to Wagtail as though this was his idea of a joke, but opened it all the same.

_Dear Mum, _the letter began, and Remus, his heart leaping, recognized the disjointed handwriting.

_Sorry I haven't written to you sooner, especially after coming back for such a short but marvelous visit, but I'm very busy here. Things are going well, and I may be able to visit you and dad sooner than we had planned (How is his eye doing? Still mad as ever?) It's nice here in Scotland, the weather is fair for a change, and I've made loads of new friends, who are all just as nice as you'd imagine, no need to fret on that account. I wish I could come home sooner, the beds here are not nearly as comfortable as the one at home, but we're doing very important work for the Dark Lord in the hope of ridding the world of impurities. Auntie Bella would be proud, and I'm hoping to see her soon. She's rumored to be making a trip here to see our progress. It will be good to see her after our last meeting. I'll be sure to send her your love. Can't say anymore tonight. Don't try to write to me, as we tend to move around a lot so I'll write back as soon as I can if there's time. This owl was very nice in coming all this way, so I'd give him some treats (in the kitchen cabinet on the left). I hope you are feeling well, especially with your time of the month coming soon. Make sure to remind dad to give you your potions, you know how forgetful he is when he's busy. I better not hear any complaining from him, who I will be reminding as well when I message him next. Just take them; you know how much they help.  
><em>_Wishing I was with you, all my love, Cassiopeia._

Remus wanted to laugh. It was like receiving a bizarre letter from a daughter who was away at summer camp. Except this camp was for Dark Wizards who were plotting the annihilation of all Muggles and Muggleborns. Tonks seemed to be posing as a lost relation to the Black family, her natural eyes the biggest indication of her nearly pure blood lineage. Cassiopeia, Remus remembered, was also a traditional name used in the Black family. But he worried that if Bellatrix were really coming to pay the group a visit, would she recognize Tonks? Bellatrix, apart from their encounters at Department of Mysteries and her recent visit to Hogwarts, had never really seen Tonks, her only niece. Or, even if Tonks were heavily disguised, would Bellatrix know every branch and twig in her family tree that a mysterious Cassiopeia coming out of the woodwork might arouse her suspicion? It was a dangerous game to play, pretending to be a relation of the Blacks to get in with the Death Eaters, even though Tonks technically was a decent of the Black family line, albeit removed.

Knowing that she was safe and firmly entrenched in band of Death Eaters without raising alarm, for the first time in a week, Remus was able to finally get some restful deep sleep.

The next week passed by with a little more frenzy and a little less worry, which made the approaching full moon seem rather unexpected. Had Dora's cleverly worded letter not mentioned his particular time of the month, he would have been taken completely off guard about the Sunday's approaching full moon. He usually was very diligent in his lunar charts, knowing precisely when he could expect the moon to rise and set. It was perhaps his worry for Tonks, and his newfound vigilance in keeping himself occupied, that he had not even _thought_ to look at the calendar. Despite Tonks' pleading for him to take the Wolfsbane, Remus had conveniently forgotten to ask Mad-Eye to brew some for him. It wasn't that he didn't think he needed it. In all honesty, it was probably better that he did take some before the imprisonment at the Ministry, as he did not know the circumstances surrounding the lycanthrope's detention. He just hated the idea that Mad-Eye had to go through so much trouble in making it for him, not to mention all the added expense. However, Mad-Eye, no doubt under Tonks' orders came over that Tuesday to deliver the Potion himself. "Don't know how much good it will do you," he grumbled, handing over the flask. "Being locked up in the cell blocks in the basement of the Ministry, I think I might want to forget that experience."

"But I don't know how heavily fortified they are going to make it or who might be around. It might be better to have me keep my mind in case something goes awry."

"Trust me son, they would never bring a large group of werewolves into the Ministry unless they had every manner of protective enchantments and guards ready at hand with killing curses. I was surprised to hear that they were bringing all those people into London rather than doing at Azkaban."

Remus shuddered. Even without the Dementor's guarding the wizarding prison, Azkaban was a horrible place and Remus tried to give the Ministry no reason to send him there. "All the same, I'd feel better knowing what I was doing than letting the wolf take over completely."

"Supports the theory of constant vigilance I suppose. You can never be too careful, which is why I'm going to have a word with that wife of yours when she comes back. Sending you a handwritten letter, delivered to this address by her own owl no less, what was that girl thinking?"

"How did you know…" Remus asked stunned. He had not told anyone about Tonks' letter.

"Doesn't take a man with a magical eye to see you've finally slept." Mad-Eye said knowingly.

"It was a letter addressed to a mum from a daughter. There was nothing to give her or I or the Order away."

"All the same, when she's undercover she knows better than to be sending owls. They're too easy to track. I assume you burned that letter?"

"Yes…" Remus said hesitantly. In fact, it was sitting under his pillow, a ward for keeping away his frightful dreams of anxiety.

"Oh Merlin above save us. Burn that letter! We can't have any traces of her!" Mad-Eye said outraged.

"Alright, alright," Remus said alarmed over Moody's extreme paranoia.

Later that night, Remus reluctantly burned Tonks' note and as it burned away, so too did any chance of sleep soundly through the night until she was safe once more in their bed.

With the added worry of Tonks, the full moon and the thought of what the Ministry was planning for the werewolves, Remus was flooded with relief when Mad-Eye sent over a Patronus telling him Tonks would be home Saturday night, a day earlier than was originally planned. Even that added day, especially before he had to go into the Ministry, seemed to ease Remus' suffering and the days flew together in the anticipation of seeing her face once more.

However, Saturday came and went, Remus waiting up until three the next morning for her to come home. He fell asleep on the couch, waiting for her to come through the front door, waiting to see that she truly was alive and safe and in his arms. It wasn't until early Sunday morning did he feel her cool hand brush his face gently, her warm lips causing him to stir.

"Dora," he said, his eyes barely opened, letting out a heartbreaking sigh. Without pretense, she jumped into his lap, waking him fully, holding onto him as though she was being saved from drowning.

"Merlin, I've missed you." She said, burying her face into his neck.

"I've missed you," he said, holding tightly to her small frame. "What kept you? Moody said you'd be home yesterday."

"I was," she said into his neck, and Remus could hear a note of bitterness and resignation in her voice. "But I had to go straight to the office to give my report to Mad-Eye and Robards. We're gathering a band of Aurors. We're going to attack the cell of Death Eaters."

"When?" Remus said.

"Tonight," she said sadly. "The only reason they let me come home was so I could get some sleep before we move out. I've been awake for almost thirty-six hours… But really, I just wanted to see you, to hold you before I had to leave again."

"How long will you be gone this time?" he asked, his heart breaking over the thought of seeing her for what felt like the blink of eye, his body aching unbearably to touch hers for more than just this brief embrace.

"As long as it takes to bring in the Death Eaters. Mad-Eye is hoping for a swift campaign in the dead of night taking them by surprise. I'm there in yet another disguise, in the hope no one will recognize me as being Cassiopeia, just in case they send me out again to another one of the secret groups I was able to uncover."

"I barely recognize you now," he said, pulling his face away to look at her altered appearance. She still had her wide, dark, Black Family eyes, but the rest of her features were more morose, her face more angular and thin, her hair longer than he had ever seen it, jet-black and glossy. She certainly looked the part of a Death Eater especially because she creepily looked like Bellatrix. Had it not for the quiet affection she was giving him, he was almost repulsed by her, as though he _was_ holding Bellatrix herself.

"Will you come upstairs and hold me until I fall asleep?" she asked quietly.

"Of course, when do you need to go back to the office?"

"No later than five," she said, her heavily painted eyelids closing with the weight of exhaustion.

"We can go in together," he said with a half smile, pushing her black hair away from her face, kissing her forehead gently. Merlin, how he missed her, missed her smell, missed the weight of her body on his.

"Together?" she said looking up into his eyes confused.

"Full moon remember?" he said.

Her once sleepy eyes grew wide and alert with comprehension and fear. "That's right the new law! I completely forgot! I thought you'd be doing it here again." She shook her head, looking even more careworn. "This is complete and utter bollocks. They have no idea the nightmare they have created for themselves in bringing all those people to the Ministry. It's going to be utter chaos."

"Well, it's only for one night, and if it saves even one innocent life, it will be a measure worth taking."

"I still need to have that chat with Scrimgeour. I'm just too tired to protest at the moment." She said, snuggling her body as close as she could into his own.

"Come on, let's get to bed. You're right, this couch is bloody awful to sleep on." Remus carried Tonks upstairs before putting her down gently on the bed. His body, feeling the anticipation of another full moon, was longing to touch her, to kiss her, to taste her, but he knew it was an impulse he must master. She clearly needed rest, especially before she was to go out on a grueling campaign against Death Eaters. He climbed into bed with her, wrapping a protective arm around her body before setting the alarm for half three. But her smell, the feeling of a warm body in their bed after so many lonely nights was simply much too tempting.

"I missed you," he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek.

"I missed you," she said, opening her eyes to look at him, lifting her head up to kiss his lips quietly, lightly, as though a cool breeze had grazed Remus' mouth. He leaned in further to kiss her harder, rougher. Perhaps in her exhaustion, or perhaps from their two weeks apart, Tonks seemed to have forgotten the passion Remus could excite in her as a moan caught in the back of her throat, unable to escape her lips as Remus kept them occupied. After so long, and with the pull of the moon, Remus abandoned all pretense as he consumed her mouth, kissing it as though he could possess her very soul if he tried hard enough. He knew he should respect her need for sleep, knew that she needed rest before her mission, but he simply couldn't stop himself. It was as though her mouth, her touch, her body was intoxicating him, making his self control and inhibitions almost nonexistent.

"Remus," she said breathlessly, as he worked his way down her body, hungrily pulling away her black robes with abandonment to access more of her skin. She helped him move her limbs out of the long sleeves, and he watched as she pulled the black top underneath over her head. Seeing her now, in her plain black cotton bra, her face so unlike her own, the lengths of raven black hair cascading down her half clothed body, Remus had to pause. This woman beneath him, whose eyes were looking questioningly into his, was not his wife. She was someone entirely different, and Remus suddenly became very shy and cautious, as though he was about to be intimate with someone he hardly new.

"What is it?" she asked, and even her voice was unlike hers, deeper, huskier.

"You're not Dora," Remus said, sounding rather small and childish. She looked at him confused, clearly not understanding. How could she? She spent the last two weeks as this other woman, as Cassiopeia, her new appearance had become ingrained in her body. "Your hair, your voice, your body, it's not _my_ Dora."

She gave him a small smile, finally understanding. She scrunched up her face, and her features began to change, to morph back to normal. Her hair became lighter, shoulder length, her face returning to its heart shape, her body no longer thin and gaunt but healthier and fuller. Much fuller in places... The only thing that did not seem to leave from the gaunt woman of before were the dark circles under her eyes, a clear sign of her physical exhaustion.

But she smiled, _Dora's_ smile, reaching her arms up to wrap around his neck, drawing him closer, and Remus knew her exhaustion had melted away with the disappearance of the other woman. He twitched an eyebrow wolfishly, a smile creeping onto his lips, looking down to the swell of her breasts in the now much too small black bra. She had a look of mock indignation as she saw his eyes looking at her body. "Who says these aren't mine as well?" she said drawing him in to her, pressing her body against his, kissing him in a manner that left no doubt in Remus' mind as to what she wanted.

Feverishly, clothes were thrown aside, arms and legs and lips intertwined, as their bodies grasped for one another, hungrily trying to take in the other, like two starving people place in front of a spectacular feast. And when they finally connected after so many long days apart, it was like coming home, the instant relief after so much anxiety, the comfort of a place so familiar and intimate. It was what they needed, the gratification that came in lover's coupling after so much longing. They had no trouble afterwards falling asleep in each other's arms.

In no time at all, the irritating sounds of the alarm were waking Remus and making Tonks groan. "Hit the snooze button will you?" she said, rolling over, clearly not ready to wake up.

"We've got to go in," he said, looking at the clock. "I have to report in the Atrium at four."

Remus watched as her eyes fluttered open. "That's right," she said grumpily, stretching out her arms and legs, yawning. "Did they say what else was going to happen tonight?"

"No idea, just that we'll be in a detention cell until nine on Monday morning."

"Why do they keep you for that long?"

"Most likely that's when the next shift of Unit members come in. But the moon _can_ linger into the early morning hours, so it's safer to keep us there until it has fully set."

"Well, if all goes well, I should be able to pick you up in the morning. Robards said I could have Monday off if everything gets taken care of tonight. He even promised to deal with some of the paperwork. Mad-Eye almost seemed upset! That man…" she said shaking her head with disbelief and comedy. "Do you think I have time for a quick shower?"

"Quick," he said, looking back to the clock. "But not too quick! We don't need you falling again."

"Noted!" she called happily, magically turning on the shower, instantly warm and ready for her. Remus neatly made their bed, scared and nervous for the moon, but happier than he had been in weeks. By the time she was done and dressed, Remus could not recognize her anymore, and found himself slightly startled. Tonks had her hair white blonde, cropped short in a bob and seemed to be debating with herself if it was long enough to pull back into a small ponytail, should she need to. But it was her eyes, almond shaped and bright green, that reminded Remus oddly yet irresistibly of Lily Evans, and catching even glimpse of green out of the corner of his eye made Remus alarmed, double taking. Tonks, oblivious to the association, had given herself freckles and made herself much taller, and Remus mentally kicked himself for being so foolish as there was really nothing about her that was like Lily. With her added height, she had no trouble giving Remus a kiss, when typically she had to stand on her toes to do the thing properly. She certainly made herself very different from the woman the Death Eaters had known.

They held hands as they Apparated into the Ministry for Magic. The Atrium was crowded, a nervous buzz of energy encompassing the area. There were about three-dozen men and women, looking around shiftily at the Ministry employees who were giving the werewolves forming queues to check themselves in for the night a wide birth, looks of disgust on their faces. Remus saw sadly that there were very few families accompanying their love ones, or he thought, sadder still, that they didn't have any loved ones. He squeezed Tonks' hand in appreciation for her being with him, thankful that at least he had _her_ here, because he suddenly found himself nervous for what was about to happen. She even stayed with him in line, making the men around him stare. Remus saw however, that she kept looking down to her watch and he knew she was anxious for the upcoming attack. He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it tenderly.

"If you need to go, go." He said, staring into her weary eyes.

"Are you sure? I'll stay here if you want. I don't have to be there for another half hour."

"I'm a big boy, I think I can manage signing myself in," he said.

She gave him an apprehensive smile, the worry on her face still very evident. He gave her a small kiss in the hope of relieving some of her troublesome thoughts.

"Good luck tonight," he said quietly, "and make sure you come home safe."

"I always do." She said, giving him a longer, more passionate kiss goodbye, making a few more men stare.

"I love you," she said, resting her forehead on his.

"I love you more," he said wiping a stray tear from her face with her thumb.

"Impossible," she said and reluctantly tore herself away from him, looking back to give him a sad smile, walking quickly toward the lifts to take her to the Auror Department.

"Next!" a man barked. Remus jumped in alarm from the man's blunt tone, and made his way the desk where a man dressed in official WCU robes was stamping papers with the official Ministry seal, not bothering to look up at Remus.

"Ah, I'm here to report for the new legislation, it's Remus Lupin-"

"Number?" the man said sharply.

"4208." Remus said.

The man flipped through a few papers finding Remus' number on the list of the registered and put a check mark next to it. "Creature 4208 you are now in the custody of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, Werewolf Capture Unit division, and are here by asked to surrender your wand," the man recited in a monotone voice, clearly bored from having had to say it so many times. "Should your behavior be in accordance with Ministry for Magic protocols and guidelines set out by the 1637 Werewolf Code of Conduct, you will receive your wand upon your return from the detention cells at nine tomorrow morning. Do you understand and agree to these terms?"

"I do," Remus said.

"Make your mark here acknowledging I have read to you the terms concerning the seizure of your wand." Remus signed his name on the line next to his number before reluctantly handing over his wand. Not that he would need it in the holding cells, but he was scared the Ministry would go back on its word and permanently take it from him. Remus had long since been capable of using wandless magic, but his 10 2/4 inch wand of maple and phoenix feather core had been with him since the day his parents took him into Diagon Alley to Ollivander's, and Remus felt almost naked without it. Even in the caves, especially after his run in with the cougar, Remus had cast charms on it so that it was never from his side, disguised or magically hidden in a pocket.

The man stamped the sheet where Remus had signed with some force before putting the paper aside. Still not looking at Remus, but somewhere off in the distance he continued, "Creature 4208, you will now be taken to the detention cells where you will remain until tomorrow morning. Wait over there with the other males and someone from the WCU will take you down shortly."

"Thank you," Remus said courteously moving aside as the man took no notice yelling sharply, "Next!"

Remus moved his way to the small crowd of nervous looking men that had gathered, speaking in rushed voices to one another, looking around at the Ministry employees who watched them with horror and fascination. Remus was glad today was a Sunday as there were very few who came in. He could not recognize any of the male werewolves in particular but a few faces did look vaguely familiar, perhaps from times when he had attended one of the werewolf support groups, before the Ministry had disbanded them. There certainly was no one here from the pack.

"Right, listen up!" Another man called out. The badge on the front of his Ministry robes said 'Maynard', and Remus wondered if this was the same man Tonks had punch a few weeks ago. "I'll be taking you lot down to the cells. You'll put your clothes and other possessions you have into bags before you will be assigned a cell for the night. You'll receive your items in the morning. Any questions? Good, let's move on." Maynard didn't wait for the few people who had raised their hands to voice their concerns and instead moved briskly toward the lifts leaving them all confused and flustered.

"Ah, young man," a small balding wizard, who appeared to be in his late eighties called out, raising his finger above the crowd trying to get the attention of the guard. "Ah, sir, I have a question." But Maynard ignored him as he walked into the lift, about fifteen or so of the men climbing in after him, Remus among them. Two large, beefy looking guards in the same WCU robes also got into the lifts, their wands held at the ready in case they got too rowdy.

"Griffith, you take the next lot down. Tell Tamora to take the females down to cell block D. We'll take the males to block C where the others are."

Griffith, a massive muscular man who could quite possibly kill someone with his hands alone gave a curt nod, before barking out orders to other agents and the remaining lycanthropes. Remus wondered who Maynard was referring to by 'the others' as the lift lurched and then descended rapidly, far below the busy streets of unsuspecting London. Remus had never been this far down in the Ministry. The furthest he had ever been was during the Battle in the Department of Mysteries. Truth be told, he had not been back to the Ministry since Sirius died, he had no need, nor did he really want to. The cells where the Ministry kept prisoners awaiting trial for the Wizengamot usually were on the same level as the trial rooms in the lower dungeons, yet they went down even further. Remus was not even aware there was such a level. The lift came to a clattering halt, and the cool female voice that typical announced each level was oddly silent.

"Come on!" Maynard said pushing men out of the crowded lift, the two large guards standing at attention on either side of the group. Moving to the front of the group, Maynard directed them as they were led one by one into a holding chamber. The chamber was darkly lit, the stonewalls crumbling with age and neglect, the smell of damp and mold overwhelming, a stack of large dingy bags on a dilapidated wooden bench was the only thing waiting for them. "Put your personal belongings into the bags provided, write your number on the front and you'll get them back tomorrow." Maynard barked at the group as soon as they had all gathered.

"How can we be assured we'll get _all_ of our items back?" said a haughty looking man wearing very finely embroidered robes.

"Why would we want your shit werewolf?" Maynard said, his lip curled in disgust.

"Sir," said the old wizard from before. "Sir, there are no quills, and we don't have our wands. How are we to write our numbers on the front of the bags?"

"I don't know, it's not my problem. Figure it out. I'll be back once everyone has gathered here to take you to the holding areas."

"Sir," the old man said again. "Sir, we're going to be here for several hours before the moon rises. Are we to understand we'll be in a cell the entire time?"

"Is that a problem?" Maynard said threateningly, and Remus saw him grip his wand tighter in his hand.

"N-no, no problem," the old man sputtered.

"Hang on," said a spotted youth of about nineteen. "We're supposed to be down 'ere for 'ours, wit nuthin to eat or do?"

"And?" Maynard said.

"And, I dunno if you know this but the wolf is a better boy when it's fed, dunnit." He looked around to the other men for support, and a few of them nodded their heads in agreement. "Things could get pretty hairy in there without us bein fed summin. Could get real scary for the guard responsible."

"I'll see what I can do," Maynard grumbled walking out of the holding chamber.

"Thank you for speaking up," the old man said kindly to the youth.

"Nah, s'no problem, I knew I shoulda had summin to eat before I came 'ere. Knew they'd treat us like dogs." He spat on the ground. "Wouldn't even 'ave come tonight if it weren't for me ma."

"Well thank you all the same," the old man said smiling. The last group of men joined them, given the same abrupt orders and we're locked in the chamber. Remus watched as the men, who were all looking around nervously, slowly start to disrobe, putting their clothes into the bags left for them.

"I've got a quill here if anyone needs one. Self sustaining ink, won't run out, won't drip, just the latest thing." Said the haughty looking man, now dressed down to his skivvies. The quill was passed around room. Remus quickly got undressed, putting his shirt, trousers, shoes and socks all in the bag. As the quill came to him, Remus wrote the number '4208' on his own bag, before passing it along. In total, there had to be at least twenty or thirty men all huddled together, shivering in the cold antechamber, cautiously nervous for whatever horror awaited them all. Remus felt rather numb. Apart from his initial embarrassment about being in his pants in front of strangers, Remus felt a kind of solidarity with these men. Each of them bore the mark of their attacker, and each of them had a number of scars all across their bodies. One man in particular seemed to have every inch of skin covered in the white and pink marks of raw and brutal attacks, and Remus found he was grateful that _his_ body had not been tortured in such an extreme manner.

These were the men who had been trying to lead normal lives, the life of any human man, just as he was. All of them had been dealing with their condition and now were complying with the new regulations as good law abiding citizens. These were not the monsters that should be feared by the wizarding world. It was those not present that were the ones the public needed to worry about.

Their ages ranged from the lanky youth and a boy a few years younger, to the old man in his eighties. But the old wizard seemed to be the acceptation. There were not many who seemed to be any older than fifty. The life expectancy for a werewolf was nearly half of what was typical for a normal witch or wizard. Remus in his youth, especially after his first years of transforming, always thought he'd be lucky if he was able to make it to thirty. When he was young, thirty seemed like such an old, far away age, something that was a goal that needed to be achieved. When he turned thirty-one, his single birthday wish was to make it to forty. Every birthday for him was a gift, another year he could prove his humanity, to further his attempts to assimilate, to try to find a cure. But now that he was married, he hope with every fiber of his being he'd make it to old age, that he would be able to enjoy the twilight of his years with Nymphadora by his side. But Remus was realistic and knew this was probably too much to ask for.

"So, did any of you lot take Wolfsbane before coming?" said an attractive young man, around Tonks' age.

"Of course I did," said the haughty looking wizard who had shared his quill with everyone. "I can't transform without it. I can't stand the not knowing, and the scars would upset my clients."

"Woulda like to," said the gangly youth. "But its just me and me ma, and we can't afford the stuff."

"They have a monopoly over us," said a man closer to Remus' age. "They want us to adapt, to conform, and they _finally_ create this new potion promising miracle of miracles that we will keep our mind when we transform, and then they charge us through the nose to let us have it."

"And even if we can afford the ingredients it's still tricky to brew properly," Remus said, feeling himself blush as all the eyes in the room turned to look at him. "Not many can do it."

"I know you," said the man around Remus' age, and Remus started to vaguely recognize him. "You're the one, the teacher at Hogwarts. I saw your picture in the _Daily Prophet. _You visited me in Hospital_._"

"Ex-teacher." Remus corrected him, and he remembered where he had seen him before. He was the man who had been bitten in the Dai Llewellyn Ward when Arthur Weasley had been attack by Voldemort's snake. He had spoken with the man about how he might achieve a normal life, a life that did not have to be dragged down by his new condition, something Remus had been trying to do for years in vain. But the man, it seemed, had not heeded Remus' advice. He looked drawn and sickly, his skin tinted a shade of yellow as though he was suffering from jaundice.

"You've got serious balls to take a job like that one, all the backlash you musta gotten," said the gangly youth.

"Well, it was Dumbledore who had the, uh, courage not me. He was the one risking everything to hire me."

"But still, that's about as close to Hogwarts many of us will get." Said the youngest in the group. In the dim light of the chamber, Remus could see the young man was no older than Harry.

"How old were you when you were bitten?" Remus asked kindly.

"Eleven," said the boy. "A few months before I was to start school at Hogwarts. But afterwards, mum said no way. But my siblings went. They talked about you. Said you were the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher they ever had."

"Well, that was very kind of them." Remus said. "What's your name?" The youth paused, and Remus knew better than to ask the identity of anyone here. Anonymity was most of these men's first priority. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me, that was rude of me to ask. I was just trying to see if I could remember who your siblings were."

"Well, my number is 1068," said the youth slowly. He looked at Remus trying to see if he could trust him enough before adding quietly, so only he could hear, "but my surname is Lorre."

"You have a brother named Peter and a sister named Lucy, am I right?" Remus asked recalling the Lorre siblings.

"That's right," 1068 said enthusiastically.

"They were both very bright. Ravenclaw I think."

"That's right! They've both graduated since then."

"Have they?" Remus thought sadly about how much time had passed since his time teaching at Hogwarts and how much he really missed it. He had longed to become a professor, told his mum enthusiastically that it was something he wanted to do. After all the kindness and encouragement Dumbledore had given him, he felt he needed to give back, give other children the same kind of encouragement. He was young and naïve to think that he would ever be capable of doing something as dangerous as teaching children. But his mother, before passing away, gave him a gift that kept his hope alive: a beautiful leather briefcase with the words "Professor R.J. Lupin" embossed in gold lettering along the top. Remus coveted the gift, kept it safe as much as he could, but through his life of poverty, it had become dirty, the leather breaking down over so much use as a traveling bag or a means of perceived credibility, the gold embossed letters worn down, flaking and fading away.

"Right!" barked Maynard. "I've talked to the heads upstairs and they said you'll be getting the same rations as any other prisoner in this place and that's the best we can do."

"Come off it!" the spotty youth protested. "That's not nearly good enough for summin like us!"

"And I really couldn't give a shit." Maynard said unsympathetically. "And I don't like your attitude, what's your number?"

"Piss off," the youth spat. Maynard instantly shot ropes out from the end of his wand binding and gagging the young man who squirmed and struggled against them, which only seemed to tighten against his wriggling. A few of the men stood up taller to see what was happening and a few started to make sounds like they wanted to protest such cruelty, but stop themselves for fear of the same treatment.

"Anyone else want to complain?" Maynard said, pointing his wand threateningly around the room. There was absolute silence. "Didn't think so. Griffith! Take his _thing_ to cellblock A. Make sure he remembers his number from now on." The large hulking man called Griffith came in and slung the young man forcibly over his shoulder and took him away, who was still wriggling to free himself. Remus knew what they would do to him because there was only one way for a person to never forget their number.

"Right, when we go into the cell block I'll call off your number and direct you to a randomly assigned cell. We didn't know there would be such a big turn out so you're just going to have to get cozy with your neighbors."

Remus looked around at the panicked faces and could feel his heart pumping faster. Locking two feral wolves in a cage with one another spelled disaster. Maynard started to lead the group out of the holding chamber. Remus followed the group but was stopped by the old man. "Son, you might want to take off your wedding ring. No need for it down here." Remus looked down to his left hand, where sure enough, his silver wedding ring was still on his finger.

"Thank you," he said kindly to the old man and rushed back into the holding chamber where he carefully put his ring into the pocket of his trousers in his plastic bag. He had been foolish to bring it here. He should have left it at home where he knew it would be safe. He had already become so accustomed to wearing it he barely ever noticed it anymore. It had become just an extension of his finger, perfectly natural, as though it had always been there.

He caught up with the rest of the men, moving slowly down the darkly lit hallway and into a room that housed fifteen or so steel metal cages each lined up next to the other. It was damp and dark, the sounds of dripping water were coming from the walls, echoing eerily in the shadowy corners of the large, cavernous room. The moment Remus walked in, he felt criminal, as though this was his punishment for a crime that had never happened. He felt scared, yet angry for such miserable conditions. But the worst part was the smell. Mold and human waste seemed to mingle together in the light sprinkling of straw on the ground inside the cells. Urine and blood were also distinguishable in the odor. Most of the men huddled together were shaking with fear and cold, pressing a hand over their noses, making faces and gagging as though they might get sick. Remus certainly felt like he might. He noticed, with a little irony, that the cells bars were closer together than was typical, no doubt having been changed since Lavinia's escape. Over the tops of the heads of the other men around him, he could see that there were already other men in some of the cells, looking dirty and disheveled, wearing the unmistakable outfit given to those imprisoned in Azkaban. They differed slightly however, because the right sleeves of each of their tops had been torn away, revealing red and raw skin that had recently been burned.

The man closest to him, however, looked very familiar. He cautiously, as unsuspecting as he could, walked a little closer to the cell to get a better look.

"Thaliard?" Remus said quietly, not wanting to speak loud enough for Maynard to hear him, who was going over the legality of the night's imprisonment. Thaliard looked up.

"Lupin?" he said loudly, pulling himself off the dirty ground and walked over to the bars, seemingly excited to see Remus here. Maynard, however, did not look so pleased.

"So you two know he each other?" Maynard sneered. "Bum chums are yah? Here's an idea, why don't the two of you have a little date by the light of the moon? Number?" He said pointing at Remus.

"4208." Remus said hesitantly.

"Lovely," Maynard said, making the correction on his clipboard. He unlocked the cell door with his wand and ushered Remus inside before magically locking it again.

"Woah, woah," Thaliard said, looking not to Remus but to the guard. "You can't have him in here! We're transforming tonight!"

"We're a bit short on cells, so everyone is going to have to do there part and share." Maynard said, looking daggers at Thaliard.

"Bollocks! There are plenty of cells in other chambers!" Thaliard said heatedly.

"1068 and 9732, you're in here with 7801." Maynard said, ignoring Thaliard. And Remus watched as the Lorre boy and the man from the Dai Llewellyn Ward cautiously stepped inside the cell that housed 7801, or Gallus as he was known in the pack. Gallus was a strong tracker, but he had been a defensemen, so Remus silently prayed that both the man numbered 9732 and the Lorre boy would be all right in a cell together. Gallus was unnaturally subdued, simply sitting in his corner of the cell, unblinkingly, and did not acknowledge any of them.

"Three?" Thaliard yelled out to Maynard, angrily slapping his hand against the bars of the cell, rattling the metal. "You can't put three werewolves in a cage together! That's murder!"

"_Crucio_!" Maynard screamed, shooting a jet of red light from his wand, making Thaliard writh and scream, convulsing with pain. A few of the other men gasped, their eyes wide with shock, and one of the pack members already in a cell yelled "There's no need for that!"

"I've had just about enough out of the lot of you!" Maynard yelled back, withdrawing his wand and Thaliard's pain. "Any more outburst and I'll send that creature to cellblock A where you'll really know the meaning of pain!"

Thaliard, and the rest of the men, were instantaneously silent. Maynard sneered. "Hmm, that's better. The wolf is tamer when it's had negative reinforcement training, I'll make a note of that for the Department head. 5381 and 2982, in here!" He continued calling out numbers until all the men had been placed in a cell in twos and threes.

Remus just stood there, stunned. Most of these men would die tonight, and he could be one of them.

"Someone will be around with food at 18:00, then it's lights out. We'll be back in the morning to collect you. Or, what's left of you." Maynard sneered again looking at them all huddled in cages like animals, shivering out of cold and extreme panic. He walked out of the room, closing the large heavy door behind him making it echo throughout the chamber with its decisive close. As soon as he'd gone, everyone began talking at once.

"S-so how have you been?" Thaliard asked shakily, holding out a hand to have Remus help him up.

"I've been well," Remus said, still stunned, gladly helping Thaliard from the ground, noticing the scarred outline of the number 6149. Thaliard had been a good man, boisterous and a bit rough around the edges, but a decent human being who had been very interested in what Remus had to say about joining the resistance against Voldemort.

Thaliard was a relatively recent lycanthrope, as he had only been bitten nine years ago after a camping trip to Dartmoor Woods went horribly awry. While at an anonymous support group for those infected with lycanthropy, he met Lavinia, and almost instantaneously the two were friends. He introduced Lavinia with his best friend, Bassianus Cormier, who had no idea his best friend, nor his future wife, were werewolves. It wasn't until Bass suspected Lavinia and Thaliard of having an affair with another, did he discover the truth. Unfortunately, Bass didn't live long enough to confront his wife or his friend. After Bass' death, Lavinia had been gripped by depression, and became reckless, joining up with Greyback's pack. Thaliard, worried for her, joined up as well and had been her voice of reason since. Remus had always suspected that Thaliard's feelings for Lavinia ran deeper than just friendship, but he could not act on his romantic attachment as she was in love with his best friend, nor did he want to upset their friendship. Remus knew the feeling all too well, as his own unrequited love for Lily Evans had gone on for years but could not act on it for James' obsession of the girl. So they always remained good friends, leaving James extremely jealous when she would confide in Moony, instead of Prongs.

"So you got captured yourself, bad luck mate." Thaliard said, looking over Remus' appearance.

"Not captured, new law. All those registered are supposed to report each month for full moons."

"Down _here_?" Thaliard said, looking taken aback. "And you came _willingly_?"

"Nothing I could do. I'm a known werewolf. They would have hunted me down had I not come tonight."

"Well, at least they didn't _initiate_ you like the rest of us," he said, nodding his head in the direction of Gallus and the others of the pack who had been brought in following the raid in Kent.

"I may not have the physical scar, but the Ministry reminds me all the time where my place is in society." Remus said bitterly.

"Well, we might not be long for this world to worry about such trivialities as rule following. Three in a cage… Merlin's pants…"

"Gallus seems rather subdued," Remus said looking over to where Gallus had not moved from his spot in the corner.

"Yeah well, you can't imagine what they did to us after we were taken into custody. Made us try to tell them where Greyback and the others were. Tortured us for hours…" Remus saw him shuddered involuntarily, "none of us talked, but a few died." Thaliard was unconsciously itching the healing skin on his right forearm, the numbers painfully swollen and red. "Ha, I just thought how the Dark Lord won't give Greyback a Dark Mark, but the Ministry is all to happy to give us a mark of our own. Funny that."

"I'm so sorry Thaliard," Remus said, and he meant it. Whatever Thaliard's true intentions were in the pack, he still felt sorry for anyone made to suffer the cruelty and humiliation of being branded.

"Nah, it's alright. Been through worse, believe me. So did you go back?"

"Underground? No," Remus said. "I'm sure you know by now I'm a terrible spy."

"You weren't so bad!" Thaliard said laughter in his voice. "Just a bit obvious towards the end."

"Well, I'm clearly not working for the Ministry," he said, gesturing to his place in the cell.

"I'm sure that'll be good news for those who are feeling the sting of your betrayal." Thaliard said sarcastically. "Once I get outta here, I'll be sure to let them know."

"Are they letting you go?" Remus said startled, and began to feel a little panicked. The Ministry was tightening its controls on werewolf management, yet they were going to free several men who had been actively working against them and knew the location of Greyback? Something didn't add up.

"Yeah, but they're keeping our wands, the wankers. What good am I without a wand? What good is anyone without their wands? I suppose we can always find another, but with Ollivander gone, where can we go? Steal one I guess. Suppose I'll just have to live like a bloody Muggle."

"Well you at least have a much better record in the ring," Remus said. "You could always take up the Muggle sport of boxing."

"As I've quickly come to realize, a round of fisticuffs with the WCU won't get you very far. Poor Oliver went down quicker than he could land a punch. It was a massacre. There were near twenty of us in Kent when the raid happened. About eight of us were captured, and now, there are only six of us. And we'll be lucky if Gallus ever moves from that corner. I'm just hoping they'll be true to their word and let us go. I mean, they have our wands, they've registered and branded us with numbers, what more can they do to us?"

"Detain you indefinitely, or kill you." Remus said seriously. "That's what the new law has given them permission to do. Anyone not coming tonight for detention will be hunted down and quite possibly killed. Anyone who has not come forward to register themselves by 31 August, will also be hunted down and most _definitely_ killed if found."

"The 'if found' part is what I was hoping for when I was in Kent. Greyback swore to us that we were safe."

"Well, someone must have tipped them off," Remus said, thinking of what Caliban had told him two weeks ago.

"Yeah, but who? Only a few members outside of our unit knew where our location was."

"Caliban and Cormier like to think it was me," Remus said off handedly.

"You?" Thaliard started to laugh. "Now, I know we haven't known each other long Lupin, and I know our ideologies vary, but I know you'd never give away the location of a group of werewolves just to kiss ass with the Ministry or for a few gold coins in your pocket."

"Well, tell that to Stephan or Liv next time you see them." Remus said seriously.

"How is Liv?" Thaliard said, his brow furrowed looking concerned.

"She's…" Remus hesitated. He knew Thaliard and Lavinia were close, and knew Thaliard went a little mad after what he saw the Ministry had done to her. "She's all right. I don't know if you heard about her mum."

"Yeah, a shame that. I came over to see her, and she thought I was Bass. It was horrible, Liv was a mess and her mum had no idea the mistake she made. But there is something else, something you're not telling me."

"She's changed," Remus said simply. "It's not the same Lavinia I knew."

"She's been through hell. I mean, Bass died two years ago this past Friday, her mum is in the loony bin, and she won't go back to the pack for fear of dishonor and permanent exile."

"Dishonor? Why? Because she was branded?"

"Because she slipped up and got caught. She's a wanted werewolf now; there's a thousand galleon price on her head, and that is a pretty tempting offer for anyone."

Remus realized that Lavinia was registered, and had not presented herself tonight. She was as good as dead now.

"If someone was on her tail and she went back to the pack," Thaliard continued, "she'd be leading WCU agents right to our front door. As much as she and I don't like Greyback's methods, and want a way out, no way would we turn on those in the pack. Especially with the kids."

Thaliard had a possible child in the pack, as one of the females he had mated with became pregnant and bore a daughter who lived past her first moon. But because of the philosophy of free love promoted within members, and Greyback's theory that monogamy was a human institution, Thaliard could not be sure it was _his_ daughter, or another male's. Unfortunately, the mother died from the lack of a hygienic environment and personal care after the girl was born. "Have you seen Thaisa?" he said quietly.

"Not since I was last there, when she was born," Remus said sadly. Despite Thaisa's questionable parentage, Thaliard loved the child like it was his own daughter and Remus felt certain that even if Thaisa wasn't his blood, it wouldn't change the way he felt about her. "And Caliban and Liv haven't mentioned anything about her so I would assume she's alright."

"I shouldn't have left with the group… But when I saw what they did to Liv, I was so angry, I wanted to hurt the Ministry, do what I could for Greyback. So I signed up without thinking of the consequences when he asked for volunteers for the initiative in Kent. As soon as I left, I knew it was the wrong choice. I wanted to stay behind to be with her, especially now Marina's dead. And last I saw Liv she was trying to get her life in order. Said she would look after her, try and get her out of that place." Thaliard said, running a hand through his prematurely grey hair. Thaliard was only four years younger than Remus, but he had the same forced aged look that plagued most werewolves. "But with her exiled at the moment, she said it's been difficult to find a way inside. Stephan said he would help, but I know he's not going to stick his neck out for anyone, especially not for a two-month-old baby. He thinks I'm mad for caring for her the way I do. Probably thinks it better for her to fend for herself, will make her stronger or some rubbish. He can be rather cruel at times, you know? But Liv knows how much I want her brought up away from those caves. And I know Marina, before she died, wanted her brought up in a proper home, not a hole in the ground. It's no place for a child to grow."

"So you really did ask Liv to look for houses for you?" Remus asked. Well, despite Lavinia's current obscene behavior, at least she wasn't a liar.

"Yeah, I wanted to get Thaisa out of there. I can't the stand the thought of her without anyone to properly care for her. And if she has magic, it should be nurtured, not cast aside like those in the pack feel."

"Greyback wanted us to become unaccustomed to using our magic, so that should people see reason and a rebellion take place, he'd be dealing with unarmed men and women, not an army of magically lethal witches and wizards. But I know what you mean; more than anything I want to go back to help those kids. Especially the ones abandoned by their parents," Remus said feeling ill again about the thought of those children living in such squalor and who would never know the warmth of human compassion. The newborns had their mothers, at least those women who were still alive to watch them grow, but there were children as young as three and four who Greyback had bitten and now were stuck in those caves without a mother or father to guide them. Last when he was in the pack, Remus tried hard to help those children who were eager to listen or to learn. He tried to give them love and kindness as best he could provide under the ever-watchful eye of Greyback and the other pack leaders.

"Well first thing I'm going to do when I'm out of here it to take Thaisa away from the caves and find us a proper house if Liv hasn't already."

"It might be difficult," Remus said. He wasn't trying to damper Thaliard's dream; he simply was trying to remind him of reality. "Now that you're registered, you cannot live within magical communities anymore."

"I figured as much," Thaliard said, kicking the stained straw on the stone ground.

"You'll also need someone to look after Thasia when she transforms."

"Well I'll be there to look out for her," Thaliard said, but Remus shook his head sadly.

"You'll be here, in this cell next month, same as me."

"Every month?" Thaliard said looking horrified.

"And I'm sure that because you were caught during a WCU raid, they'll be monitoring you closely to make sure you are living within the Werewolf Code of Conduct."

"Bugger the Code!" Thaliard said, pacing up and down the length of the cell.

"It's better to live by the Code with your daughter, than to wind up here permanently or killed." Remus said simply.

Thaliard looked at Remus. "You're a good friend, you know that? I pegged you from the moment Liv introduced me to you that you were a good guy."

Remus didn't quite know what to say, so instead said, "I have a bit of news myself. I got married."

"What?" Thaliard said flabbergasted.

"Yep, to a witch, on 2 July."

"No shit! Congratulations!" Thaliard said, thumping Remus hard on the back, which stung painfully because Remus had no shirt on. The sound of hand slapping against skin reverberated throughout the cells and made a few men close by stop and look around. "Sorry mate, don't know my own strength. But really, that's wonderful."

"Thanks," Remus said.

"Did you decide against rings?" he said pointing to the visibly absent mark of his nuptials.

"No, I took it off before coming into the cell. I just hope I'll be getting it back." Remus said looking down at where a tan line had formed from wearing it so often.

"Does she know about your condition?" Thaliard said, an eyebrow raised.

"She does. I broke up with her a year ago thinking it could never work between us because of what I am, but she clearly has convinced me otherwise."

"This is that bird you were pining over while Liv was throwing herself at you?" Thaliard said laughing.

"You are the second person who's told me Liv's in love with me." Remus said shaking his head. "We're good friends, that's all. At least I thought we were…"

"Why? Had a lover's quarrel?" Thaliard said grinning.

"More like a drunken blow up."

"Who was drunk?"

"Liv, on both occasions."

"Twice you've seen her! She really can't keep to herself. Two years I guess is enough time to grieve."

"Thaliard, you don't understand, Liv would cry sometimes in her sleep about Bass, wailing that 'it was all her fault'. No way she's in love with me."

"I'd just tell your wife she'd best look out for herself. A werewolf scorned, and all that."

"She's not herself, Thaliard. She's… I don't know exactly how to describe. It's like she's lost all reason or self worth."

"Does she know you got married?" Thaliard said.

"Yeah, I thought she and Nymphadora were about to start a brawl in a pub."

Thaliard laughed. "I'd love to see Liv worked up enough to punch another woman."

"Well, she just kept going on and on how she's so young and doesn't know what she wants and how I've saddled her with a life of uncertainty and it was cruel to do so."

"Liv knows the other side to loving a human. She's seen what we can do, even to those we love the most."

"I know, and I took that into account when she was giving her tirade. But to say that to my wife, to her face like that, when we were on our holiday was completely unacceptable. She has better self control than that, even if she was pissed."

"She's gone mental, clearly," Thaliard said, a mingled look of concern and amusement on his face. "Maybe it's better for her not to try to rescue Thaisa after all."

"That was the other thing, she kept talking about that Dora had an exciting career now, but after a while she was going to want children."

"Well Bass wanted kids, who wouldn't after nearly seven years of marriage? But Liv couldn't, or more like she _wouldn't_, because she knew the risks. Eventually told him she couldn't have kids, that there was something wrong with her, all the while she was taking 'the Potion' without him knowing. So Bass was contemplating adoption, I mean, the man hell bent on having someone to carry on the Cormier name; it was all a bit ridiculous. But Liv kept protesting, saying she wasn't ready, or this wasn't a good time, one excuse after another. Put a big hole in their marriage I can tell you. So I'd take everything she says with some consideration. She's bitter and angry about the way her marriage turned out. Who wouldn't be? Especially when Bass confessed to loathing dark creatures. She loved him, but not enough to be her true self."

"It was tragic what she did to him, but it would be safer for my marriage if she and my wife did not speak to one another. Not for a while at least."

"What does your wife do?"

Remus wasn't sure what to tell him, as his trust for Thaliard was still shaky, and so simply said, "She works for the Ministry."

"Ha! Now there's irony. A registered werewolf married to a Ministry employee. Please tell me it's in Law Enforcement?"

"A branch," he said vaguely.

"Oh, I love it. It's almost as good as the werewolf married to a dark creature hater, whose best friend also happens to be a werewolf. Life works in mysterious ways."

"It sure does." Remus said. The two were silent for some time, each lost in their own thoughts. Remus' thoughts, as they mostly did these days, turned to Nymphadora. He was wondering how her mission was going; worried about her being with such dark wizards, worried they may call in Greyback for backup. Under the influence of a full moon, Greyback was Voldemort's single most cruel and merciless weapon. Yet, Voldemort had no respect for him because of what he was. In his quest for a pure blood society, there would be no room for half-breeds and dark creatures. Greyback was blinded by his ambition and thirst for power to realize Voldemort, should he succeed, would not let him live.

Yes, he worried about her, but he knew that this also was what she was trained to do. She also had the added support of Kingsley, Mad-Eye and a whole host of other Aurors. He felt confident that she would be fine, that everything would turn out for the best. He hoped.

A short while later a nervous looking wizard came into the cellblock, magically followed by trays of what was said to be "soup" and a small chunk of stale bread. Grateful for this small offering of food, Remus hungrily ate everything he was given, realizing he had not eaten all day.

"I hope your wolf isn't like that," Thaliard joked, watching the veracity in which Remus devoured his meal.

"I took Wolfsbane before coming. So long as you don't provoke me, I think we should be fine till morning." Remus silently thanked Merlin for Dora's insistence on taking the potion this week and Mad-Eye's expert potion making.

"Wolfsbane, eh?" Thaliard said, looking a little wary. "Never touched the stuff. Something about knowingly poisoning myself sets me off. What's it like?"

"The actual potion or what it feels like to have your human mind in the body of a wolf?"

"Both I suppose," Thaliard said laughing.

"The Potion is bloody miserable, but its affects are brilliant. You have control over the wolf, where as before you would wake up the next morning wondering what on earth had happened last night, you now remember everything."

"I'm not sure if remembering is really all that beneficial. These nights are ones to forget."

"But if you can control the wolf, then the risk to others becomes almost nonexistent."

"Well, all the same, I like getting the whole thing over and done with and waking up the next morning and moving on. You dwell too much in the past Lupin."

"But you'll be feral in a few hours, as will every one of these men who haven't taken the potion, which I'd say is the overwhelming majority. Had we all taken it, we wouldn't have to worry about being trapped in cells with one or two others. We would be able to get through the night, not a scratch or bruise on our bodies."

"Well, all I can say, is I'm not responsible if I wake up tomorrow and find you dead. And I won't blame you if you kill me."

"Noted," Remus said.

"But, Lupin," and Thaliard, looking more serious than Remus had ever seen him, sighed as he said, "If I do die tonight, please do all you can for Thaisa. I know you just got married, and I'm not asking you to take her in, but if you could help her and Liv find a home together, I would be eternally grateful. And I promise I won't come back to haunt you as a ghost."

"Of course Thaliard," Remus said and he suddenly was feeling very scared, not only for himself but for the Lorre boy, and for the others who were trapped together in these cells awaiting not only for the pain of transformation, but the possibility of injury or death from another. The nervous looking wizard came back to collect the trays before turning out what little light had been present, plunging the chamber in darkness. It was frightening; the eerie sounds of dripping water, the nervous chatter of unseen men, the heavy breathing of some, the smell of blood and human debris even more present. The hours clicked along as Remus felt the moon's pull slowly start to take him under.

"Feel that?" Thaliard said, from somewhere in the dark, sounding nervous yet excited. He grasped Remus' arm, and he could feel Thaliard shaking.

"Thaliard," Remus said quickly, knowing his time was coming close. "If I do die, tell my wife I love her. And tell her 'impossible.' You got that?"

"I will," Thaliard said.

"Liv no doubt will know where she is, stalking me and all."

"I'm sure she does. Well, Lupin old boy, it's been a real pleasure knowing you."

"And you Thaliard."

"Jack," he said.

"What?"

"My given name, its Jack. Liv is the only other person in the pack that knows this."

"Thanks, Jack."

"Of course RJ," Thaliard said.

The other men in the cells were saying their own apologizes and final farewells before all fell silent as they waited for the moon to take control. Suddenly, out of the silence, a piercing cry of pain came a few cells away from where Remus and Thaliard were jailed.

It had begun...

Despite the use of the Wolfsbane, Remus' human mind slipped in and out of consciousness that night. He remembered being in the cell, remembered being able to see through the thick darkness with his wolf's eyes, remembered seeing Thaliard's wolf, remembered the wolf coming cautiously towards him, sniffing him intently, before growling at him. There was a small battle for dominance, in which Remus unknowingly surrendered his mind to that of the wolf. Waking, as though from a nightmare, Remus quickly regained control over the wolf and became subservient, no longer willing to fight, causing Thaliard's wolf to stop his aggression and relax. For the time being, the dominant wolf in the cell was established. For the rest of the night, Remus curled up in one corner of the cell, trying to sleep, but constantly aware of Thaliard who patrolled the rest of the cell, asserting his dominance to the other wolves near by. But what Remus could remember most of all, what he thought he would always remember, was the vicious snarling, the yelping of pain, and the smell of blood.

Blood everywhere.

Finding himself completely naked, bloodied and bruised, Remus moved shakily off the stone floor. Looking around, he realized that this was not all _his_ blood, that it was a mix of the collective men who had bled last night, making the floor slick and sticky with the dark crimson color of the life giving substance. Someone had turned the lights back on, making the realization of what took place last night, all the more real, and all the more gruesome. His body felt achy and tired, physically sore all over from having battled Thaliard's wolf, and from having to sleep on a stone floor. There were a few cuts along his arms and legs, but nothing too severe. He was lucky.

He looked to some of the other bodies in the cells closest to him, and Remus was glad to see that most appeared to be indeed bloodied, but thankfully alive. The Lorre boy looked the worse for wear, covered almost completely in blood, but Remus watched the boy's body expand and contract with life giving breath, but it was shallow and ragged. However, Remus physically had to look away from the other cellmates. Gallus, it seemed, was not so fortunate, and Remus was repulsed to see part of Gallus' leg was missing, torn away by claws and teeth, pale bone sticking horrifically out of the end of a raw decomposing stump. There were also large chunks of skin and muscle missing from his arms, exposing bone and tissues. His face, expressionless, was torn, slashed, eyes a mashed goo in its sockets. What really made Remus' stomach churn and his blood run cold, was the missing piece of Gallus' leg could be located a few feet away under the Dai Llewellyn man's arm, his head resting on top of it like some gruesome pillow. No doubt his wolf had made a snack of it. His stomach churned painfully at the smell of decaying flesh, the putrid scent of blood and shredded flesh and moved as far away as he could from their cell, covering his nose and mouth, trying hard not to vomit.

There were also a few others around him, Remus saw with anguish, who did not appear to make it through the night. He shook his head. _This could have been prevented, this could have better, _he thought miserably. But the Ministry, once again, proved itself to be cruel and unforgiving of the differences of others, to rejecting the humanity of these men. He could hear one man sobbing, openly weeping over the death of his cellmate. More men, as they woke, seemed to be repulsed or relieved to find the condition they and their cellmate were in.

Extremely aware of his nakedness, Remus tried as best he could to cover himself, which was hard to do with no clothes or blankets. He prayed it would not be long until the guards would remove spells that locked the doors. It had to be past nine in the morning, but being in the deepest levels of an underground department made it difficult to tell time.

"What happen?" said a shaky voice.

"Looks like we're both still alive." Remus said to Thaliard. "But you seem to have a rather nasty looking gash on your arm. Sorry about that."

"I guess we didn't need to say our final goodbyes after all," he said while examining his arm, poking it see if the bleeding had clotted enough. "Bastards won't even let us have any towels for our injuries. What do they want us to do? Bleed to death?"

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind." Remus said coldly.

"How much longer do you suppose we have?" Thaliard asked, carefully standing up to stretch out his limbs. He clearly was not so shy about nudity.

Remus averted his eyes as he said, "It feels like it should be past nine, but I'm sure they're in no hurry to get us out of here."

"I'll be surprised if they let us out at all. Now they have us all here, they _are_ making it easy for themselves to deal with us." Thaliard said, looking into the cells next to theirs. He leapt back seeing what the cell next to them contained. "Oh fuck! Poor Gallus, nasty what happened here. Did you see? And that poor bugger has got in under his arm. The smell is awful…" and looking as though he might vomit, Thaliard moved over to Remus, trying to get as far away from the horror as he could.

"What did they think would happen, locking two or more feral werewolves in a cage together? I'm sure the idea was that we would kill off one another leaving the Ministry from having to get their hands dirty, especially should someone come wanting information on why a loved one is dead."

"I'm still surprised so many showed up." Thaliard said, rubbing the raised edges of healing skin on his right forearm. "Apart from the pack, werewolves never gather like this in the hope of going unnoticed. Have you ever seen such a group come together willingly? It really brings into perspective how many of us there are, just everyday, normal looking individuals, shop owners and parents. I'm sure that's what's driving the Ministry mad is that they can't tell us apart unless they do tests or observe us on a full moon. We've magic, so we show up on their radars, but there is no definitive way to tell us apart. Obviously I had no choice to be here, and now I have my own number. But you," he said, looking over at Remus with annoyance.

"I'm registered, remember?" Remus said. "Have been since I was a kid."

"And now you have a wife to think about." Thaliard said, and Remus noted the sadness in his voice. "Do you think you'll get your wedding ring back?"

"I hope so," Remus said, feeling the weight of his exhaustion and annoyance starting to collapse on himself. "I don't know what they would do with it."

"Keep it just to hack you off and then if you lash out, they would have a reason to detain you further."

"Well, even if they do take it, I won't do much protesting. I want to get home. I'm starting to get really worried about my wife." Remus began thinking of the raid on the Scottish band of Death Eaters that took place last night. If any of them had the backup of werewolves, Tonks would be in more trouble than simply fighting off dark wizards. But he reminded himself once again that she had Kingsley and Mad-Eye with her, who would do everything they could to help her.

"Please!" they heard a man cry out. He was too far down the line of cells for Remus to see what was happening, but he heard the man scream even louder. "Help! I need help in here! He's dying! Help! I can't stop the bleeding!"

The screaming had woken up the Dai Llewellyn man, and Remus watched pityingly how as the man came to, his face contorted with disgust and horror over the piece of Gallus he had been holding. He vomited, gagging, retching, seemingly unable to stop himself from trying to rid his body of the digested pieces of human flesh. Remus knew the feeling, knew what it was like waking up the next day to find you had eaten a man. Knew the absolute horror of knowing you had consumed the flesh of another. Perhaps Thaliard was right; these were nights to forget.

If he weren't so self-conscious about his lack of clothing, he would be pacing in the cell as Thaliard was doing, contemplating every possible worse case scenario in which Tonks might have found danger. But he was tired, he was bloodied and dirty and he needed to get home, take a warm bath, and hold his wife after seeing such misery. He had seen her only briefly yesterday, and if that was the last he had ever seen her, it would never be enough. So he merely buried his head in his hands and silently prayed everything went all right.

The thick heavy door slowly creaked its way open and Maynard stepped inside the chamber, looking tired, and thoroughly repulsed.

"Help!" cried the same man. "Please! He needs to see a Healer! I can't stop the bleeding!"

Remus watched Maynard, almost lazily, walk down the row of cells until he could see what the man was yelling about.

"He's old, he would have been a goner soon anyway," Maynard said without feeling. Remus' heart felt sore. He hoped the man dying wasn't the kind old man who had reminded him to take off his wedding ring.

"Bastard!" the man cried fiercely. "He's a good person! He's still alive, there is a chance he could be saved!"

"And why would I want to save a werewolf? One less of your kind would be doing the world a favor." Maynard growled.

"Just help the man!" said someone else from another cell.

"How about the next person who tells me to do something can stay in here permanently!" Maynard shouted viciously to all of them. Instantly, the chamber became quiet, save the gasping breaths of those crying, or the sounds of the man still retching. "Personally, I think you all should stay in here. I mean, look at the mess you've left for us to clean up. But rules are rules." He stared at his clip board, starting in the cells furthest away, calling out registration numbers, no doubt checking to see if they were still alive, before opening up the doors. "4208?"

"Yes," said Remus.

"6149?"

"Still here," Thaliard said, his voice low with exhaustion and cruelty.

"You're free to leave." Maynard said, waving the door open.

"It's about bloody time," Thaliard muttered, exiting quickly with the others who were released. Getting up, Remus made his way out of the cell, taking one last look at the sight of so much distruction. He thought of going back, try to help if he could, but he was being pushed along by the other men and guards, back into the holding chamber where they were given their possessions from last night. Without a wand, or even a wet washrag, Remus was forced to get dressed with blood still covering parts of his body, and though most of it had clotted and dried, there were parts that remained wet, soaking through spots on his shirt and trousers. _They would make us leave looking like deranged criminals_, Remus thought bitterly, checking his trouser pocket for his wedding ring. It wasn't there.

"Excuse me sir," Remus said turning to the guard he now recognized as Griffith. "I seem to be missing something."

"Your wands will be given to you as you exit the Ministry premises." Griffith said in a monotonous tone.

"It's not that, it was a silver wedding ring."

Griffith looked perplexed and disgusted. "A wedding ring? Who on earth would marry the likes of _you_?"

Offended, but knowing confrontation might land him back in the cell Remus said patiently, "I merely wish to know if you or someone else might have my wedding ring. It is very possible it fell out of my pocket when the clothing was-"

"Nobody has your bloody ring," Griffith spat at him. "And if your wife knew what was good for her, she'd lose you too."

Taking a deep breath to calm himself from making a smart retort he said, "Well, if someone does find it, would they please return it to me? It's very important I get that back."

"Unlikely," Grifith said walking away from the holding chamber. Remus shook his head. How was he going to explain this to Nymphadora? It pained him more than he thought possible not having his ring on his finger. It was the best proof he had of his humanity, as well as his overwhelming love for Dora.

Moving like a giant heard of cattle, guarded at all times, men from the cells were moved up to the Atrium level where they were given back their wands. As it was Monday morning, the Atrium was full of Ministry employees and visitors, all staring at the men like they were vile and disgusting, and Remus could hardly blame them. The women were next to come up, and Remus was sad to see that the small number of those who had gone down last night, even fewer had returned. Female werewolves could be more ruthless than males.

Most of the men and women had bloodstains on their clothing, each of them looked haggard and haunted; they looked every bit of the fearsome beasts they were alleged to be. Out in the Atrium next to the Fountain of Magical Brethren, his wand safely returned to him, Remus magically cleaned the spots of blood from his clothing. He looked around to find Tonks, but he could not find her in the crowds of gaping onlookers. Remus found he was jealous as he watched the few family members who had come to collect their children, brothers, sisters, husbands or wives, reunite with another, horrified about finding them so bloody and gruesome, but overwhelmingly relieved to seem them alive. He was beginning to think Tonks was probably at home sound asleep because Robards had given her Monday off.

"Is your wife here?" Thaliard said, coming up behind him.

"I don't see her, she said she'd be here," Remus said anxiously, still craning his neck over the flow of people in the Atrium.

"She'll be here, don't worry," Thaliard said, patting him on the back. The gash on his arm looked bad, so Remus waved his wand, cleaning the wound before it was wrapped in clean white bandages. "Thanks for that. Listen mate, if you're ever in Devon, look me up." Thaliard said, holding out his hand for Remus to shake, which he accepted gladly. "I'm hoping to make back into the caves, as Greyback I think, will have less of an issue with our being caught than Liv, but I'll do what I can to make sure the pack won't come after you if you come into the woods. No promises on what Greyback will do if he finds you. It's a risk you'll just have to take."

"I'd appreciate that. And take care of yourself, and Thaisa. Send me word when the two of you get settled in a proper house."

"Cheers mate," Thaliard said giving Remus one last glance before walking beyond the gates and leaving the Ministry. Remus gave it another ten minutes, waiting for her to come. But he came to the conclusion that she was, in good faith, asleep at home and his waiting around looking lost and pathetic was not a productive start to the day, so he too walked through the gates and Apparated home.

He had never been more relieved to be back at the cottage. Making his slow way up the stairs, his body weary and his joints painful, he thought longingly of a warm soothing bath and perhaps someone to share it with. But he was disappointed to find their bedroom empty, their bed never been slept in, still neatly made. Worried, but not fearful, Remus changed out of the previous day's clothes, magically cleaned and bandaged his wounds, and made his way back downstairs, his mind racing as he made himself a cup of tea. _Perhaps we simply missed each other at the Ministry and she was there now looking for me. But no, the bed had not been slept in… Or maybe the mission was taking longer than expected and she would be home any minute now… Or she was having to be debriefed by Mad-Eye... _

"Remus?" a low voice called out from the sitting room. Startled, Remus turned around to find Kingsley Shacklebolt's head rotating in the fireplace.

"Kingsley, this is a surprise." Remus said kneeling over to speak directly with Kingsley. "I wasn't even aware this fireplace was still connected to the Floo Network. I stopped paying the annual fee for the connection years ago-" Kingsley's face, even distorted by the green flames looked sad and worried. "Kingsley, what's wrong?" he said quickly.

"Remus... there was an accident during the mission last night."

The pit of Remus' stomach left him and he could feel the blood draining from his face...

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><p>an: ahh! what's happened? you'll just have to wait and find out ;)

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	14. Young Blood

**a/n: **the harry potter universe is the property of jk rowling and warner brothers. i humbly write about them for the amusement of myself and hopefully the amusement of others. no copyright infringement is intended. m rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter Fourteen: Young Blood<strong>

"Is she alright Kingsley?" he asked, not really wanting to know the answer. Kingsley wouldn't have used the Floo Network unless it was something serious.

"She's stable, for now. She was taken to St. Mungo's and they've been working around the clock with her in Spell Damage. But, Remus, she had a bit of a turn during the mission."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, still not quite feeling his extremities, his weary body was aching from the day after a transformation, but he did not seem aware of it as the adrenaline was pumping hard through his veins.

"She was clearly exhausted. Moody should have known better than to send her out on this escapade in such a state… it was just asking for disaster." Kingsley, who to Remus was a perpetual tower of calm and reason in dire straights, was flustered, and even within the distorted green flames, Remus could see the shadows under his eyes from sleepless nights. The whole Department seemed to be feeling the massive toll the body took in the weary days of war. "She seemed alright in the beginning, tired but excited, like most of us these days, but her mind wasn't there. I even asked her if she was feeling all right but she just dismissed me like she usually does. But I saw it happen from across the abandoned warehouse we were fighting in; she closed her eyes for no more than a second or two, before she became pale and it looked like she was about to faint, when one came up behind her and attacked."

"Attacked?" Remus croaked out. _Merlin above… _

"I won't sugar coat it Remus, she was almost captured by Death Eaters, and I'm sorry to say they tortured her pretty severely before we could take them down." Kingsley's voice was full of regret and sorrow. Clearly, he felt responsible for not coming to her aid sooner. "I should come as soon as I saw something was wrong. I had two others I was dueling with at the time-"

"It's not your fault Kingsley. Do they know what's wrong with her? I mean, was there permanent damage?"

"They were running tests when I left her to contact you. I tried finding you at the Ministry this morning, but we must have missed each other. They've already contacted her parents."

"But I'm her husband, why haven't they contacted me?" Remus asked outraged, running a hand through his hair, standing up feeling the need to pace.

"I'm sure it was just an oversight," Kingsley said slowly, "you were married only a few weeks ago, and it was done very privately-"

"They don't want a _werewolf_ in hospital, is that why?" Remus said abruptly, getting straight to the point Kingsley was dancing around.

"I don't know Remus," Kingsley sighed. "They never said those exact words, but everything is so political now."

"How long has she been there?"

"Since early this morning. But she's only just woken up and was asking for you."

"I'm on my way. And thank you King for contacting me. Merlin knows how long I would have had to wait to hear something."

"Of course," Kingsley said, giving Remus a brief nod, as the bright green flames died, leaving only tiny smoldering embers in its wake. As soon as Kingsley's head had left, Remus did not think; he simply reacted. Running outside, without a thought as to locking the door, Remus quickly Apparated, but in his haste and lack of concentration, landed two blocks away from the entrance to St. Mungo's Hospital. He was lucky he didn't splinch himself. Running as fast as his overly exhausted muscles would allow him, he finally reached the abandoned redbrick building. He was out of breath when he pressed his face close to the glass window, where the ugly mannequin stood perfectly still, unsuspecting as ever.

"Here … to see… Nymphadora… Tonks…or, Lupin… brought here… a few hours… Spell Damage." He said panting, the stitch in his chest tight from the all out sprint he made.

"Your name please," the dummy asked politely.

"Remus Lupin… her husband." He said, still breathing heavily.

"One moment." Catching his breath, Remus wanted to scream over the time it was taking to get through the entrance. "Please follow the signs to the welcome area where our friendly welcome witch will direct you to where you need to go. As in accordance with new protocol measures, you will be asked to surrender your wand for the safety of our patients and staff."

"Yes alright!" he said testily, running through the window into the entrance of the magical hospital. It was more crowded than Remus had ever seen it, though he always tried to avoid this place if he could.

"_Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, with cases like these, it's quite hopeless. There's no cure." The overly clean examination room seemed too bright, the white walls and floors seemed to shine in its hygienic sheen. Remus sat patiently on the examination table, swinging his legs back and forth, waiting for his mum and dad to finish their talk with yet another Healer. He was tired of having to visit one Healer after another, tired as they all smiled at him with unnaturally high spirits while their eyes held fear and pity. Even as young as Remus was, he knew when someone was being false. _

_The door to the Healer's private office was left slightly ajar, and Remus could hear every word they were saying, licking his fingers from the chocolate frog the Healer had given him for being so good after the examination was over, the Famous Wizards Card in his hand held the empty portrait of Andros the Invincible. It was the first time Remus could candidly hear the panic in his mother's voice, the desperation in his father's, and the hopelessness in the Healer's. Up until now, everyone had remained stubbornly optimistic, as though the truth of the nightmare ahead could be held at bay with hope. _

"_There has to be something out there… an experimental new potion, or, or…." Remus could hear his father pleading._

"_Mr. Lupin, St. Mungo's prides itself on being a leader of cutting edge medicine, but in this case, there is nothing you, nor I, nor anyone here at this hospital can do about the fact your son as contracted lycanthropy." _

"_Then a way to ease his suffering when the time comes!" And his father almost sounded angry now, but Remus didn't know why. The Healer had been so nice to _him_ earlier. "A routine, or measures my wife and I may be able to take to ensure his safety." _

"_Mr. Lupin, I know this is not the first hospital you've come to, but I'm sorry to say that you'll hear the same answers here. There is nothing you can do."_

"_Please," he heard his mother cry, "there has to be _something_. Anything!" _

"_Pray." The healer said sadly. "Pray to Merlin he doesn't make it through the night. A lifetime suffering with this disease is something no man, and especially no child, should have to endure. Spend as much time together as you can, because he might not be long for this world." _

He had to physically push his way through the anxious crowd, witches and wizards all waiting to hear news of their loved ones, to get to the welcome witch's desk, where he promptly said, "Remus Lupin here to see Nymphadora Tonks, or Nymphadora Lupin. I'm not sure which she's registered under."

"One moment," the witch said, not bothering to look at Remus. "If you'd like to wait-"

"Please, she was injured-"

"Sir, we have many people who are injured these days and we will process your request as soon as we can." She said, still not looking up from her paper work. "If you'd like to take a seat in the waiting room, someone will speak with you shortly."

"No, I'll wait right over there," Remus said indicating the wall opposite the desk.

"Mrs. Worthington!" The welcome witch called out, and a nervous looking witch came forth from the crowd to receive news or instruction from the receptionist. Remus watched families huddled together, crying, grief evident on their faces as they tried to comfort one another. He saw men and women looking around shakily, eyes wide and hollow from lack of sleep, mugs of tea in their hands that had long gone cold. There were patients being treated in the halls, minor injuries hurriedly being healed by medi-witches and wizards, due to the lack of beds available. Remus had never seen St. Mungo's in such a state, at least, not since the last war. He started to pace, his mind beginning to wander, thinking about every scenario that could have happened to her. _What was wrong with her? Kingsley said she was stable, but what did that mean?_ Looking down at his feet it was only then that he realized, in his haste, he had not put shoes on. _Wonderful_. This was all he needed, to look homeless and deranged. He hadn't even had a chance to bathe since the holding cell, and knew he was dirty, and no doubt smelling of the cells, of blood. _There was so much blood…_ It had been an omen of something horrible to come and Remus, who had never been one for superstitions, began to fear the worst.

"Mr. Lupin!" the welcome witch called out.

"Yes, yes, here," he said running over.

"Ms. Tonks is awake but the Healers say she shouldn't be receiving anymore friends at this time."

"But I'm her husband!" Remus said the rage within himself startled the welcome witch.

"We don't have a record of her marriage in our system, but I do see that she put you down as her emergency contact, so you've been cleared to see her. She is recovering on Spell Damage, fourth floor, in room 411. We are asking visitors to surrender their wands for the protection of staff and patients. You will receive it upon your exit from hospital."

"Of course," he said taking out his wand from his pocket, handing it to the witch who in turn handed him a visitor's badge. But he noticed something odd. There was a large red letter "**W**" on the front of the badge she handed him.

"What's this?" he asked, pointing to the W, but suspected what it might mean.

"According to our records, you are a registered werewolf Mr. Lupin. The symbol has been placed on your badge for the protection of the other staff members and guests. Do you need any assistance to help you find your way?"

"No, no, I'm fine." He said rolling his eyes, leaving the front desk heading for the lifts, which seem like they would never come. The Ministry was really finding new ways to humiliate him. He couldn't even walk into hospital without his condition being flaunted in front of everyone, made a show like he was a rare and dangerous animal at the zoo, a spectacle for everyone to witness. Shoving the badge into his pocket, refusing to wear it out of principle, he reached the fourth floor for Spell Damage. Finding room 411, he rushed inside expecting to see her face when he would enter, but was taken aback to see the room had been magically modified to accommodate five patients, when typically the room held two or three. Spell Damage, no doubt, was the busiest floor of hospital nowadays. Walking quickly down the row of beds, each surround by white curtains to delineate the patient's private area of recovery, he finally found Ted and Andromeda Tonks sitting around Nymphadora's bed. Her face lit up finding Remus standing there.

"Remus," Tonks said, frailly holding her arms out to him. Her voice was weak and her face pale, and Remus could see under her hospital gown, her arms and chest were heavily bandaged, but overall she seemed all right. She was alive.

"Oh, Merlin, Dora, I was so scared! I only just found out, Kingsley had to tell me." He said, rushing into her arms and holding her tight. "Are you all right?" he asked, sitting down on her bed, holding her head in his hands, looking into her eyes before examining her face, as though to find a critical flaw with it. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," she said, giving him an exhausted sort of smile. "Apart from the kip we had earlier, I haven't had a proper sleep in ages and hadn't eaten much yesterday, and I just, sort of black out for a minute, and the next I'd been Stunned."

"You're working too hard." Andromeda said, a look of disappointment and resentment on her face. Remus knew she still had not come around to their marriage, no doubt blaming _him_ for her having to work so hard, as she was their primary source of income.

"Mum, I'm fine," she said exasperatedly. "I was tired, I had only just come home from my undercover work before we set out for the attack. I'm not working any more or less than the other Aurors in the Department. You saw how tired Kingsley Shacklebolt looked."

Andromeda started to protest but Ted Tonks said quietly but forcefully, "Dromeda, drop it."

"Kingsley said that the Death Eaters tortured you?" Remus asked, the anguish in his voice even overwhelmed himself. He was still holding her face in his hands, still trying to see true damage that had been done, but her face was just as beautiful as ever, though not nearly as immaculate. Her torture had brought her features back to normal; her large dark eyes were dull with pain and exhaustion, her typically rosy skin was tinted the color of sour milk, and her hair was a flat, worn out brown. She looked very much like she did when coming to hospital after the Battle at the Department of Mysteries.

"Kingsley was exaggerating. They didn't torture me, just… Stunned me a little too enthusiastically is all." She waved away the inconsequence of it, but Remus knew better; a stunning spell wouldn't leave her lying in hospital with her body in bandages. "In fact, I don't even know why I'm still here. I feel fine."

"What have the Healers said?" Remus asked, finally taking his eyes away from her face to look at Ted and Andromeda, hoping they would give him a straight answer.

Ted looked Remus in the eye as he started to explain, "They said she's stable, and she might be sore and need a few day's rest. She was hit with some kind of slashing curse that whipped her across her body, leaving the wound exposed and the Healers at a loss as to how to close it." Ted looked on his daughter proudly but Andromeda just paled, shaking her head. "But they managed to do it in the end, just need to keep it clean until it heals fully. They came in about an hour or two ago to do some further testing, and we should hear the results soon." Ted Tonks said, looking at his daughter with admiration. "But other than that, she's fine. My Dora's a fighter, always has been."

"Thanks dad, I'd just wish you'd convince mum I'm not going to kick the bucket any time soon."

"I can worry about my only daughter all I want, especially when her so-called husband is a-"

"Andromeda!" Ted said sternly, while Nymphadora shouted, "Mum!" Remus bowed his head with shame. It seemed Andromeda would never come around to their relationship. Remus had hoped she would have by now, but he knew just how stubborn women in the Black Family could be.

"Andromeda, I can understand your concern," Remus began patiently.

"Don't Remus. You don't have to explain anything," Tonks said, putting a hand on his arm. "Mum is being just as biased and unfair as the family she had to run away from. I wouldn't have asked her in the room had she not been on call last night and saw I had been taken in." Andromeda did not remove the look of indignation, but paled further still, making her once beautiful features look hard and cruel. Remus was startled by just how much she looked like her sister Bellatrix.

"Dromeda," Ted said calmly, but Remus noted the new level of exasperation. "Why don't we leave these two alone and get a cuppa?" She nodded once, still looking resentful, as Ted helped his wife to her feet, leaving the room muttering in low tones.

"How are you _really_?" Remus said looking at her again. She smiled, a little more strongly this time.

"Really, I feel fine. More importantly, how are _you_ feeling? Any nasty cuts this time? What happened when you went down there? What were the cells like? Did they give you proper care? I am so mad I wasn't there to pick you up. And sweetheart, I hate to admit this, but you look like hell. I think there's... is that blood in your hair?"

Remus wanted to laugh over the speed in which she asked him questions, her normal boisterous tendencies seeming to return. He ran his fingers through his hair, where indeed, it contained the harden clotted remains of blood; he wasn't exactly sure to whom it belonged to. "Yeah, I had only just got home when Kingsley told me about what had happened so I haven't had a chance to properly clean myself up. But I'm… alright, nothing severe. Everything was fine, I'll tell you all about it when you're feeling better."

"Why, what happened?" she said, her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Nothing, nothing, just rest," he said, straightening the sheets on her lap. There would be time soon enough to tell her about the appalling conditions, about the dead, about losing his wedding ring. He knew what her reaction would be and the crazed anger that would ensue. But with her face still so pale, he knew better than to get her riled up.

"Remus," she said threateningly, and he heard the full force of her voice coming back, warning him the issue wasn't over. "You're clearly not telling me something. Did they mistreat you? That bastard Maynard did something didn't he? Oo, I would like nothing better than to report him-"

"Dora, it doesn't matter now," he said trying to soothe the angry expression on her face, "all that matters is that you're _alive_, and you're _safe_."

They looked at each other and Remus suddenly felt as though he might cry with the feeling of overwhelming relief. He remembered the time Nymphadora was last in hospital, her body so pale and lifeless from the force of the curses Bellatrix had thrown at her, remembered watching her tumble down the stairs, her body like a rag doll and him being helpless as to try to help her, remembered how Bellatrix's next victim was Sirius.

"Hey," she said, cupping her cool hand to his face, seeing his eyes brim with tears. "Hey, look at me." And Remus lifted his head up to stare into her dark soulful eyes, feeling quite sure he would break down in front of her. "I'm all right. Everything is fine. It's nothing more than what I have come to expect being an Auror or an Order member. It was a silly mistake, stupid of me really to take my attention away for even just a minute. When I woke up Mad-Eye was barking at me about 'Constant Vilgance'. Well, it's not a phrase I'm going to take for granted anymore I can tell you."

"I just, I can't lose you Nymphadora," he said, his voice constricted with emotion. "I was so scared when Kingsley contacted me, I was convinced something horrid happened."

"Remus, you know me. No way I'm dying in such an un-heroic manner. Accidental death by lack of concentration? I don't think so. If I'm going down, it will be in a blaze of glory. But until then, I'm not going anywhere," she said and kissed him tenderly. But even in her kiss Remus could feel just how weak she was, just how physically drained she was now from taking the brunt of whatever curses the Death Eaters threw at her. "There is nothing in this world short of You-Know-Who that would take me away from you. Ever."

"I know, it's just, I couldn't be here right away because I was-" but Remus couldn't finish his sentence. He would have been here for her sooner, would have been here when she first opened her eyes, had it not been for his condition. He felt shame for not being able to be the man he wanted to be for her, the man she really deserved. Knowing him as she did, she knew where his thoughts were headed.

"Remus, I know you would have been at my side the moment you heard something. And from the sound of it, you did. It's not your fault, you were following the law."

"I know, I know," he said shaking his head. "But even then, they kept us there longer than they should have, and there was so much-" He cut himself off before he went on any further, before he could say 'blood'. The combination of everything that had happened last night and finding her here was becoming all too much. And the physical exhaustion from a night after a full moon, after a night battling another wolf, starting to creep up on him as the rush of adrenaline he had felt earlier was starting to ebb away.

She looked at him with concern, lovingly brushing some hair away from his face. "Well, it certainly looks like you came quick enough," she said smiling at his dirty face and then down to his bare feet. They looked at each other for a moment before laughing. It felt good to laugh, smile and joke in the face of so many disturbing issues. Yes, telling her about Gallus could wait, wait for a time when all he could feel was relief and joy at seeing her safe.

At that moment a man in the bright green robes of a Healer walked into their area of the room.

"Well Ms. Tonks," the Healer said, looking up from his chart. "Oh," he said seeing Remus. "Now, what did I tell you about visitors Ms. Tonks? I had to forcibly remove Alastor Moody from this room, and I'm not about to be threatened by any more Aurors. Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, only family members are allowed at this time, as your friend very well knows."

"No, no, it's alright, this is my husband, Remus Lupin." Tonks said and Remus held out his hand, which the Healer shook enthusiastically.

"What's the diagnosis?" Remus asked.

"Well, we've received the results from your tests, Ms. Tonks, or uh, Mrs. Lupin, and you appear to be fairly healthy. We've started the treatment reversing a few of the lingering curses, and you'll have to wear the bandages for a few more days to prevent infection, but overall, you should make a quick recovery. The curses used against you have not done any permanent damage to you or the baby."

"Baby?" Remus and Tonks said together.

"Well, yes, your pregnant Ms. Tonks," he said, looking down at the chart, then up at the couple with a slight smile. "We have it down here you are about four weeks, so you're not very far along. Most women don't suspect anything until they're six weeks so I'm not surprise this comes as a shock."

"I'm pregnant?" Tonks said again, her face a contorted mix of delight and confusion, looking to Remus as though this was some kind of joke. Remus found nothing funny about it. "No, you have to be mistaken, I'm on the potion."

"Sometimes, it only takes missing one day, and of course, you should stop taking it now." The Healer said simply.

She still looked confused, thinking rapidly of a time she could have forgotten, but then slowly looked over to Remus, her face awash in delight, eyes wide with comprehension. "Remus," she said quietly. "On holiday, I didn't bring it. Didn't even think about packing it, I was in such a rush that morning to get out of the house it didn't even cross my mind!" Her face lit up in a way Remus had never seen before. Gone where the signs of exhaustion and abuse from the raid last night. Gone was her sallow skin, or expressionless eyes. Her whole face now was flooded with light and love.

Remus managed to give her a weak smile, but still could not find any delight in the situation. "And everything is fine? Nothing is wrong with her?" He heard himself say, but the words were empty, and meaningless. Of course she wasn't fine, of course there was something wrong with her. He had put a monster inside of her.

"No, there is nothing wrong with your wife or baby, so far as we could tell. Like I said, you're not very far along, but everything seems to be coming along well. But it's early still. Most women wait to tell other people about it until after the twelfth week, because miscarriages are mostly likely to happen during the first three months. But after what happen last night, I can safely say you've got a strong willed child growing right now." Tonks beamed proudly at the thought of her strong child, Remus almost found it absurd as it was smaller than a grain of rice at this point. "I wouldn't push it though, and you need take it easy for the next few days." The Healer said sternly, looking directly at Tonks, who nodded her head like a child getting scolded. "I would caution you to take it easy at your job, no more of these grueling campaigns on no sleep. Perhaps you could work behind a desk instead of in the field? You're also going to need to watch your diet and take prenatal potions everyday. No _forgetting_ about these."

"Sure, sure." She seemed to be lost in an entirely other world. "Wow, a baby," she said again, not quite believing his words. "Are you certain?"

The Healer laughed. "Very certain, Ms. Tonks. I can safely assume you're the father?" He looked at Remus.

Remus heard himself croaked out a small, "Yes." He felt removed from the entire proceedings, as though he was watching everything play out on Ted Tonks' Muggle television box, as though the happiness of the scene was not something he could physically share in. Nor did he really feel like he should. Any happiness he could feel at this moment would die away quickly when he would tell Nymphadora this had been a terrible mistake, that it was all _his_ fault he had put her in such danger.

"Make sure your wife gets some rest for a day or two before going back to work." The Healer smiled at Remus. "I'm sure the two of you have some celebrating to do at home, so I'll get started on your discharge papers."

"Thank you Healer Caius," Tonks said, still beaming with joy.

"Uh, Healer Caius, could I speak with you privately?" Remus said, moving away from Tonks, who looked shocked and hurt that Remus was leaving her so quickly after such life altering news. With the sudden motion of standing, Remus felt the room spin unnaturally, making him feel as though he might get sick.

"Of course," said the Healer, gesturing to the door.

"Remus?" Tonks called after him, but he ignored the hurt tone in her voice. Walking outside the room, Remus felt the need to pace, but his legs did not seem to cooperate. His entire body felt entirely too numb.

"Ah, Healer, my wife's pregnancy, this can't be possible." He said quietly.

"I assure you Mr. Lupin, we did the test twice. Even as early as your wife is, there is no doubt she is with child. I'm sure this might come as a shock, since assumedly you had not planned on baby at this time." He said smiling, having seen many a scared father in his time.

"Was there anything in your testing to indicate something might be wrong?"

"Like I said before, everything came back fine."

"It's just, well, there might be _something_ wrong." Remus said. He pulled out his visitor's badge with the large "**W**" on the front.

"Oh." And Remus could see the Healer recoil slightly. "Well, ah, there is no way to test for lycanthropy in the womb."

"I know that, it's just…"

"You're worried for your wife's safety," the Healer said, finishing his sentence. "Your wife is a strong woman. She could have been in a seriously critical condition with the amount of dark curses aimed at her. But she's pulled through rather marvelously, especially in her condition. Apart from the natural signs of pregnancy, there are signs to detect if something might be wrong, if the child is infected. I would suggest having someone come and sit with her during full moons, as these are the times when fetal distress can occur. Lycanthropy is not my area of expertise, Mr. Lupin, but I can have someone come from the Dai Llewellyn Ward to talk to you and your wife about things that may come, and whether or not you'd wish to continue with the pregnancy."

"That is something I would have to discuss with my wife," Remus said sadly.

"I may be speaking about something I know very little about Mr. Lupin, but it seems to me that the combination of your wife's morphing abilities and your own, uh, condition, I would think there is a higher chance the child will be a shape shifter. But like I said, this is not my field of study." It felt as though the floor had dropped from beneath his feet. It was his worst fears realized. The guilty pangs that had been slowly and quietly gnawing away at his insides over the past month suddenly came back with full force, shredding away any remaining sanity Remus had left. "Mr. Lupin, do you need to sit down?" the Healer asked, looking at Remus' very pale face.

"Yes," he said breathlessly, and the Healer magically drew up a chair right as Remus felt himself collapse.

"Try to take deep breaths Mr. Lupin," the Healer said, pinching Remus' wrist to check his pulse.

"I can't believe this is happening," he said, trying to catch his breath, tears threatening to spill over. Why hadn't they been more cautious? Why hadn't they used more protection? This was something that could have so easily been prevented, and Remus wanted to kick himself for his stupidity in not insisting that they use further means of prevention, or had taken a more irrevocable means of preventing this from happening.

Healer Caius, content with Remus' heartbeat hesitated before speaking. "I'm going to file your wife's paper work, and schedule a follow up visit in a month to check on whether or not you wish to continue with the pregnancy. Would you like me to bring up the Healer-in-charge of the Dai Llewellyn Ward to speak to you and your wife of the risks?"

"No, no, there is not much he could tell us that I don't know already." Remus said sadly, still shaking his head.

Healer Caius gave Remus a pat on the back. "So far everything seems fine Mr. Lupin, and with a bit of luck everything will stay that way. Why don't you go and share in the joy your wife so clearly feels? Babies are a time for celebrating, and with the current state of affairs, we all could use some cause for celebration. Too often I see families leaving here in a state of grief."

Healer Caius walked away leaving Remus alone with his thoughts. He should go to Nymphadora, explain to her the situation, tell her the selfish deadly risk he had put her in. Gathering his courage, he walked back into the room, making the slow walk down the row of beds until reaching hers.

"What was that all about?" she asked, still looking upset.

"I had to ask him a few questions," Remus said, coming to sit by her side.

"Questions I'm not privileged to hear?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest, but winced from touching the still tender wounds.

"Nymphadora-"

"No, Remus, we're in this together. Till death do us part, remember? If there is something wrong, or you're having doubts you need to voice them now."

"Fine," he said, his anger starting to rise, "I was asking him about the chances of our child becoming a werewolf."

Tonks took in this statement for a moment before blushing. "I hadn't even thought about as a possibility." She said quietly, before anxiously adding, "what did he say?"

"He said there is a risk," Remus said, running a hand through his hair, "that there might even be an increased risk because you have the power to transform as well."

"But it's not possibly the same thing, I mean there is a difference between metamorphmagi and," she didn't finish her thought, looking embarrassed at what she might have said.

"No, go on say it, a difference between metamorphmagi and _werewolves_. And no, there really is not much of a comparison except for the fact that both have the ability to molecularly alter their physiological structure for an extended period of time, although in my case, alter species." He was bitter sounding. He had warned her of this, warned her that he could not give her children. Why hadn't she listened? Why hadn't they been more careful?

"Well, I mean, they did tests on the baby and they said everything was fine, so doesn't that mean he or she won't have lycanthropy?"

"There is no test for lycanthropy in the womb, Nymphadora." Remus took a deep breath before he continued. "I never told you about this, but during my time underground, Greyback encouraged all of us to mate with one another."

Tonks groaned. "Please don't tell me there are little Lupins running around the Devon countryside."

"No, of course not. I never participated in anything of that kind because I _knew_ the risks."

"That was the _only_ reason?" she said quietly, sounding shy.

"Isn't it reason enough?" he asked confusedly.

"I thought maybe love, might have factored into it somehow." She said, picking at a stray thread on her white sheets.

"Well of course I could never have children with a woman I barely knew, and never for the sake of some deranged sociopath who merely saw children as a means of increasing the pack numbers. But we're getting away from my point. I watched as these poor women became pregnant and lose their babies one right after the other. If a female werewolf conceives, most of the time the child would die after the first transformation the mother had, not being able to handle just a dramatic shift in the physiological structure. If the child survived until full term, too often they would die after their first full moon. Newborns are not meant to go through such an agonizing process."

"But I'm not a werewolf, so there will be less risk, right?" She said, unconsciously putting a hand over her flat stomach. Remus watched this simple little gesture and knew that termination was not going to be an option. He sighed.

"There will always be a risk Nymphadora. I tried to tell you this, tried to warn you about all of the dangers getting involved with me included."

"And I still say that it doesn't matter Remus. This child was conceived out of the love we have for one another. Yes, it was unexpected and probably ill timed, what with everything going on, but that doesn't mean we will love it any less. We can handle anything that might come along, whether its fury or has pink hair or is a squib. You can't honestly tell me you haven't thought about having children Remus. I see the way you are with Harry, and I can only imagine what you must have been like with other students when you were a professor."

Of course Remus had thought about having children of his own. He loved kids, loved their unpretentious fascination with the world around them. He would daydream sometimes about what his own children would be like, and what their interests would be or what he would be able to teach them. But reality always brought him to his senses, and he knew children were out of the question, knew that even if they weren't infected, they would forever have to live with the shame of what their father was. "Nymphadora, if the child is infected-"

"We have no way of knowing, so let's not count our chicks before they hatch, alright? Let's be happy. We're going to have a baby Remus," she said, and he could see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Isn't there any part you that is excited about this?"

He sighed, and looked into her brown eyes, now glittering with tears. "Yes, sweetheart," he said, leaning over to kiss the top of her head. In fact there was a large part of him that was simply brimming with happiness. A baby? There was nothing more in the world Remus wanted than a child of his own with the woman he loved. But his fears masked any delight he was feeling. "And you're right, maybe I am worrying about nothing, as usual. But if this puts your life at risk, in any way, I swear-"

"There will be nothing you can do. What did I tell you earlier? I'm not leaving you Remus, and I'm certainly not going to die without you by my side. We are going to grow old together, watch our _children_ grow and watch as they have kids of their own. Once this war is over, we can start to rebuild our world so this child will grow in a safe place."

"Speaking of the war, I don't think you should continue with your Auror work." Remus said trying hard to fight the wonderful fantasy she was creating in his mind. But the images were just too tempting and for a moment Remus felt something he knew he shouldn't: hope.

"Why? The Healer said I was perfectly fine to go back to work," she said frowning.

"I know, but things have changed Dora. You can't go running around chasing after Death Eaters when you are pregnant."

"Says who?"

"Says common sense. What if you were to be captured? What if your darling Aunt Bellatrix knew of your condition? Do you think she would be so lenient? Which Healer Caius said you were hit with dark curses Nymphadora, not an enthusiastic stunning spell. He said you were lucky you weren't injured further."

"Remus, I'm not just going to sit back and do nothing when my friends and colleagues are being murdered."

"You have to start thinking about yourself, for once Nymphadora." Remus said, pleading with her to see reason. "You are one of the most selfless people I know, and I love that about you. You are willing to risk everything for those you love, but you have to start to think about your own safety, especially for the baby's sake."

"Remus, I'm a fully-grown married witch who is more than capable of protecting her unborn child and making smart decisions for herself." She snapped. "I know you're not over the moon about this situation, but you could try to make an effort and be happy."

"Dora, I'm sorry if that's the way I'm coming off, I don't mean to talk down to you. It's just…" Remus got up off the bed and started pacing, running his fingers through his graying hair. How could he explain this to her any more clearly?

He was getting more and more frustrated. She still didn't seem to understand. What happens if after nine months of loving the growing child inside her it transforms and dies on the night of its first full moon? He wouldn't be able to be there to protect her nor to comfort her when she would find their child dead. Then she would blame him for its death, just as his own mother blamed his father for Remus' condition. It would always come between them, forever casting a shadow of grief and blame in their relationship. He had watched as a child as the same shadow slowly tore apart his parent's relationship, and Remus loved her too much to let that happen to them.

"Nymphadora," he said patiently, and he stopped his pacing to look at her. "I love you, and I will love this child, you know I will. But you have to understand the dangers this poses."

"Remus, I'm done talking about this. I get it, okay? I understand danger. Don't you think I've come to live with danger for a while now? To go to work every day, putting my life on the line for the greater good? Or when we have Order missions that take us to remote areas tracking down the deadliest wizards known to our kind? To watch you, every month, battle the demon inside you wondering the entire time if you'll make it out alive? Or not being able to sleep over the feeling of being completely helpless should something happen to you? What do you think I made my mind wonder so thoroughly to allow the Death Eaters a chance to capture me? I'm living with danger _everyday_ Remus, I don't need _you_ to remind me of it."

Remus fell silent. She had never told him about the all night vigils she kept during full moons, never had she expressed the fear she had of losing him during those nights, and Remus found himself at a loss for words.

"I think we should wait to tell mum and dad." She said quietly. "Mum has consented to at least being in the same room with you, if we telling her about this now, you might wind up in hospital yourself."

"I can live with that." Remus said, agreeing that the last thing he needed was Andromeda Tonks' angry at the prospect of having a werewolf for a grandchild.

"We'll tell them, at the earliest, after we move Harry from Privet Drive."

"You're not still going are you?" he asked, running his hand through his hair again.

"Of course I am! What did I just tell you Remus? Have you not been listening to a word I've said?"

"Nymphadora, we don't know what we're facing during this mission-"

"We're moving Harry Potter from one safe house to another. At worst, the risks are going to be _minimal_. Snape knew of the Orders plans to move Harry on the night before he turns 17, but we are not moving him on 30 July, we're moving him this Sunday. And even some of the Aurors who are also members have been 'quietly' spreading the rumor of moving him on the 30th in case the spies catch wind of it at the Ministry. We've taken every precaution Remus, I'm going to be fine."

"Mad-Eye clearly hasn't ground the theory of constant vigilance into you yet," Remus said.

"It's going to be fine, you worry worst than my mother." She said with a little laugh. Remus couldn't help but smile thinking back to the letter she had written while undercover. Noticing his smile, she held out a hand for him to hold, which he took gladly, taking his seat next to her on the bed. "We're going to have a _baby_, Remus," she said, once again tears coming to her eyes. She squeezed his hand. For a moment, he was happy, excited even. For a moment, he felt anything was possible, that he could have a normal life filled with his own children and his beautiful wife. He kissed the hand he held onto.

"We're going to have a baby," he said, almost in defiance against the all too familiar feeling of guilt. She smiled even wider, so much love and affection glowing from every inch of her skin. She looked so beautiful. "We're going to have a baby," he repeated louder, with more fervor this time.

"Congrats, mate," he heard a man call out from behind the curtain in the bed next to Tonks' and he and Tonks both laughed. He could feel tears welling in the corners of his eyes as he was suddenly struck by the thought that, should everything go all right, should Merlin bless them with a healthy child, he was going to be a _father_. The thought was terrifying, yet magical, overwhelming and wonderful. He looked at her brown eyes, still sparkling in her joy, and he began to daydream. What did the child look like? He knew the tiny creature inside of her was only developed for two or three weeks, but he could not help but to think of the strange possibilities that were now presented. Would it look like her, take after the Blacks with dark hair and dark eyes, or would it look like him, look like his mother who he had favored so much, with fairer features. Was it a boy or a girl? Surely genetics were at work in the creation of gender and eye color and height… and condition…

"Can we come in?" Ted Tonks' voice asked somewhere out of Remus' daydream, and he looked around to see that Ted and Andromeda had reappeared. Andromeda, a cup of tea in hand, gave it to Remus, who accepted it gladly. He realized he was suddenly ravenous, having not had anything to eat since the poor excuse for a meal he had last night in the cell, the experience of the holding cells after such news felt as though it happened weeks, not last night, a distant yet horrific memory.

"Thank you Andromeda." Remus said taking a sip of the still warm tea.

"Remus, I want to apologize for what I said earlier, for what I have said in the past." Andromeda said, not quite looking him in the eye. "I need to apologize for the way I have treated you along. I was speaking as an overly concerned mother, one who could not set aside her long held views of lycanthropes long enough to see how much her daughter was in love and safe and happy. I need to realize that she is no longer a little girl, but a married woman." Remus sat up a little straighter, hearing her for the first time acknowledge their marriage.

"Oh mum," Tonks said, reaching out for her mother's hand, "I knew you'd come around."

"Well, you said something earlier that made me realize I was acting no better than my own mother when she realized I was going to marry your father. She was prejudiced against Muggleborns, just as I have been prejudiced of your…kind." She said, struggling to say the word 'werewolf'. "I understand the pain I've caused you, Nymphadora, by not giving Remus a chance to prove himself. I know what it feels like to be rejected by family, and I vowed to myself when I married your father, and you were born that you would _never_ feel wanting in familial love and support. I've broken that vow Nymphadora, and I am sorry. And I am sorry to you Remus for doubting your love of my daughter. Clearly a man who comes to St. Mungo's with no shoes on, looking as you do, was only concerned about the woman he loves."

Remus chuckled, looking down again at his bare feet. "It's alright Andromeda. Any sane parent would have the same concerns. I'm just glad we may be able to start to put this in the past."

"Well, I'd say let's celebrate!" Ted Tonks said jovially. "Dora, you up for it? We could always spring you from here. Mum can create a diversion while I sneak you out the back. Just say the word and we're gone!"

"No dad, the Healers gave me the all clear and I should be able to go home _legally_ any minute now."

"Well, you both are more than welcome to come home with us." Andromeda said, her smile really genuine, and Remus felt her acceptance in the way she said 'home'. "I should be able to make a nice supper for everyone, and I would like to talk over some of the finer details for this escapade happening Sunday."

"Personally, I can't wait," said Ted, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and Remus wanted to laugh at the childlike excitement the man exhibited. "I finally get to meet the famous Harry Potter!"

"Dad, I told you, he's not like that, and if you even dare ask for an autograph or a photo for your wall, there'll be hell to pay."

"Aw, you know me better than that Dora," Ted said, dramatically emphasizing a wounded heart. "I'd never do anything to embarrass you or the Order."

Soon enough a medi-witch came in to give Tonks her release papers with at home care, instructions for preparing prenatal potions, and the date for her follow up appointment next month. Andromeda looked at the quanity of parchment the hospital had given her, suspicion in her eyes but did not press the matter. Feeling tired, Tonks opted out of Apparating, as she wouldn't be able to concentrate fully and ran the risk of splinching, and instead decided to take the Floo Network with Remus back to their home. Remus got his wand back in the entry, feeling complete once it was safely back in his pocket as her mother hugged and kissed them both.

"Come around five this evening. We can have a nice meal all together as a family," Andromeda said, hugging Remus just as tightly as she had hugged her daughter. "We have a _lot_ to celebrate." She looked carefully at Remus, and he had the feeling Andromeda Tonks knew more than she was letting on.

"Mum, I might opt out of dinner. I feel like I could sleep till Wednesday," Tonks said, and she looked it.

"No problem, Dora, just send word if you're not up for it." Ted said, hugging his daughter for a second time. "Now that mum has a new son-in-law who looks like he could use some fattening, there will be no end to the supper invitations."

"Ted," Andromeda said clucked good-naturedly, but looked Remus up and down in a very Molly Weasley-ish manner. "You do look like you could use a large meal, especially after last night I'm sure. I'm sorry to say my daughter never had the patience to learn the subtle art of cooking, try as I might."

"And she did try," Tonks muttered, and Remus chuckled.

"I have no problem cooking for both of us, but I also never say no to a good meal." Remus said.

"Well, let us know one way or another." Andromeda said. They said their final goodbyes and Remus and Tonks headed for the hospital's Floo Network, happy to leave behind the masses of people crying over the loss of loved ones.

The moment they arrived in their fireplace, they noticed three owls on the table by the window, each carrying letters.

"Will you deal with the owls Remus? I need to lie down." He nodded, and she headed slowly, as though her muscles were screaming in protest from having to move, upstairs for their bedroom. Remus knew the toll being hit with curses took on the body and wondered if he should have carried her up the stairs, or situated her on the couch. But the owls were hooting for his attention.

Collecting each of the owls' letters in turn before they flew off, Remus was curious to see who the post was from. The first he could tell from the bold handwriting on the envelope was from Mad-Eye Moody, no doubt checking in on Tonks. The second, he recognized the neat scrawl as belonging to Minerva McGonagall. The third he did not know and decided to open it first. Instantly his hands were burning from a yellowish powder concealed in the envelope. Crying out in pain he ran to the kitchen sink to wash it away.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Tonks said, rushing out of the bedroom to look over the railing on the landing upstairs to try and see what had caused Remus to cry out so violently. Remus was gingerly running his hands under the cool water, trying to wipe his hands clean, which were now covered in large red boils as she ran down the stairs in a flurry, all thought of her own pain forgotten. She rushed into the kitchen to see the boils erupting viciously, making it nearly impossible to tell where Remus' fingers were.

"Oh sweetheart, what happen?" she said her eyes wide in surprise, inspecting his hands.

"The envelope, there is Bulbadox Powder inside."

"Who on earth would send us a letter full of Bulbadox Powder?" She said looking startled.

Remus shook his head, "I didn't get a chance to read the letter; my hands were swelling too quickly."

"I think I have some boil cure potion in the first aid kit." She ran into the hall bathroom and quickly came back with a large brown bottle, which she uncorked and used a rag from the counter to dab gently the large boils that covered the entirety of Remus' hands. Slowly, the swelling went down, but his hands were still red and his joint sore that it hurt to move his fingers. She used her wand to then wrap clean white bandages around his injured hands. Using the rag she had wiped Remus' hands with, Tonks walked over to pick up the letter with great caution. She frowned reading it.

"What is it?" Remus asked, coming over to inspect the letter further.

"Nothing, just a barmy bloke thinking he needed to share his opinion about what is right and proper." She took out her wand and set the letter and envelope on fire before Remus had a chance to read it. He did however catch a glimpse of the words SLUT and FOUL CREATURE.

"Dora?" he asked, watching her quickly take the smoldering letter to the sink where it fizzled and died. "What did the letter say?"

"Nothing, like I said, just some nutter who thought he knows best. How are your hands?"

"Fine. What was the bit about a foul creature?" he asked, ignoring her concern.

"Nothing Remus," she said sighing before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Nothing that hasn't been said before. But I really can't be bothered." She started to walk over to the other letters, magically opening them up in case they too contained some mysterious powder.

"Have you received other letters like this one?"

"No, at least nothing containing some nasty substance. That's definitely a new one."

"Nymphadora, you should have told me if you've been receiving threatening letters."

"It was only one or two when we came home from holiday, and they're not threatening, they're just from people who seem to think our private life is suddenly their concern. One was from a support group who tell me that I don't have to be the hostage of a forced marriage, which I burned as soon as I read it. That one," she said pointing to the smoldering ash in the sink, "was from a charming man who called me a traitor to wizard kind, saying I was dangerous slut who gets off on perverted foul creatures. They're just nut cases, and I really could not care less." She said, reading the letter that was sent by Moody. "Moody sends his regards," she said still not looking at Remus. "Of course, he asked that I be back in the office no later than Wednesday. He apparently cannot afford any more Aurors using sick days. Oh, and he's coming to check in on me tonight, how thoughtful."

"Nymphadora," Remus said, gently putting the letter down and forcing her to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me you've been getting letters like that?"

"Some aren't all bad. There was one that had really encouraging things to say, saying that we are championing for werewolf rights."

"So this all started after we were married?"

"Remus, save the pity party because I know where you're going with this. We knew there might have been backlash, no matter how quiet we kept the ceremony. These things have a way of getting out. I mean, we had to file our marriage with the Magical Affairs Department, records that are open to the public. I'm just surprised I haven't been called in for questioning by the Ministry. Kidding!" she added quickly seeing the look of utter gloom on Remus' face. "The Ministry has no control over who I choose to marry. And the moment they do I'm telling them to go fuck themselves and quit." She gave him another quick kiss before opening the letter from Minerva McGonagall.

"McGonagall sends her well wishes about our marriage and said she'll be at the Order meeting and dinner at the Burrow on the 29th. She is asked you what you've found out about Harry and Dumbledore? What's all that about?" She said looking puzzled. With everything that had been going on for the past month and a half, Remus had not even thought about questioning Ron or Hermione further about Harry's true intensions about what he was planning on doing since it was now clear he wouldn't be returning to school.

"Nothing, something she asked me to do a while ago, but I haven't found a chance to get it done."

"Is it to do with what you asked Ron at the Burrow after Dumbledore's funeral?"

"Minerva thinks Dumbledore and Harry had been planning something; something involving Voldemort. But who knows. What I do know is that he's not planning on returning to Hogwarts next year which frightens me."

"If Dumbledore gave him a mission, I would think he'd have given him specific instructions and he'd taught him how to be perfectly safe."

"Dora, he's only seventeen years old. He has no idea what he's going up against. He no doubt has it in his head that he should be the one to take down Voldemort."

"Remus, you told me Dumbledore's last words to you were about Harry, about trusting Harry."

"I know, it's just, I worry about him," Remus said.

"Are you going to be like this for our little one?" she said, wrapping her arms around his waist looking contentedly up at him.

Remus was struck suddenly how she had moved through the disturbing topic of threatening letters without so much as a second thought. Remus realized, not for the first time that day, he did not give her enough credit.

"I'll probably be worse," Remus said seriously, and she laughed.

"I'm guessing you will be." She said, smiling at him. "You and mum can fret together while dad and I roll our eyes at the pair of you."

"It was nice what she said today," he said, thinking to Andromeda's apology.

"It took her long enough." Tonks muttered.

"But she's coming around. That's a big step for her. She even gave me a genuine hug."

"Well, I'm just glad we can move past the issue of my lunatic mother and focus on what's really important." She kissed him lightly, and made to leave, but he pulled her back in, and he heartily kissed hoping to convey that despite everything, despite his worry for her and their child, he loved her more than anything in this world. "Hmm, what was that for?" she asked softly.

"I can't kiss my wife whenever I wish?" he asked, putting his arms around her waist. "I thought that was the whole point of marriage, that I was given unlimited access to this gorgeous woman in front of me."

"Well, I'm not sure about unlimited, but you certainly have my attention now." She said, giving him a very passionate and seductive kiss, running her fingers through his hair, pulling him close. But she moved away, holding her hand in front of her face to inspect what she had pulled from his hair. It looked like a clump of dirt, but Remus thought it looked too red to be dirt. "You know sweetheart, you really do smell something awful," she said backing away from him, a look of horror and amusement on her face.

"I had thoughts of taking a bath, if you'd care to join me." He said smiling appreciatively at her.

"A bath with my gorgeous husband, how could a girl refuse?" she said grinning. "Let me just send a quick note with Wagtail to let mum and dad know we won't be around tonight."

She hurriedly wrote out a note and sent it along with the owl before returning to Remus, who led the way upstairs toward their bathroom.

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><p>an: ahh! what's Remus going to do? a child on the way, with the war not giving any of them the time to process the life changing information, he might back down from his mantra of living for today. how is he going to handle her going on the mission this week? how will mission play out? will someone find out their big secret? stick around for the answers!

thank you to EVERYONE who has reviewed or added this story as a favorite! i appreciate all the feedback and it really helps me to write the chapters and ensure the story keeps on going! if you'd like to read more, be kind and click the button below to review!


	15. Desperately Wanting

**a/n: **the harry potter universe was created by jk rowling and therefore legally is owned by her and through an extension by warner brothers. no copyright infringement is intended, as i merely write this story using her characters to fulfill my own need for them to be given the voice they deserve. the end of this chapter was inspired by chapter four entitled "The Seven Potters" from _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_. no plagiarism is meant as i acknowledge these ideas came from this source, and are inherently ms. rowling's. m rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. as always, i hope you **enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Fifteen: Desperately Wanting<strong>

The week seemed to hurry along in a constantly tangled web of worry and nerves, making Remus restless, unable to sleep soundly through the night. Without proper sleep, he was now running on pure adrenaline, slipping in and out of consciousness, as his mind would wander, constantly on his toes for a new disturbance, a new source of fear. His days seemed to blur and flow together until it felt like one long miserable day, marked only by new revelations or events. Ever since the announcement that their lives were changing, that Tonks was now carrying his child, he was in an ever constant battle with his thoughts of the happiness or dread a child would bring. It was a never-ending stream of commentary, each side of his brain presenting rational, sane arguments for how this was a blessing or a curse.

_"Everything could be fine_," the blessing side would say. "_The child could be perfectly healthy and you'll have fretted for nothing. Besides, you've seen the children born to the pack that have lived and thrived_."

_"But you've also seen them die, seen the agony on the mother's faces finding their babies torn apart, bloodied and broken_," the curse side would counter. "_And even if the child lives past its first moon, who's to say it won't die the moon after, or the one after that? The life for a newborn to suffer transformations every month... you want that for your wife, for your child?"_

It was maddening, trying to keep his weary mind focused on an activity or task for completion when the two-headed beast of his conscience was constantly bombarding it, making it lose sight of what was really important.

Their relationship, so hurried and unstable was now being pushed even further into an unnatural maturity, a maturity suitable for a couple married three years, not three weeks. Babies were to enter a relationship when there was a strong foundation underneath, when there was the support of money, and family, and love, and a good home to help it thrive. A baby was not for two people who had thrown together a hurried life for themselves under threats of war and death, escalating a few short weeks later into an even more hurried marriage. It seemed his life was in warp speed, with him helpless to control even a second of it.

If Remus represented the rationale of the pregnancy being a curse, Tonks represented the blessing. Feeling better after some rest, she seemed to positively radiate joy and excitement over the prospect of becoming a mum, the prospect of carrying _their_ child. She was still extremely sore, her body not yet fully recovered from the dark curses she was made to suffer. The bandages wrapped around her arms and chest from brutal gashes made by even more brutal curses did not seem to heal as quickly as Remus would have like to see, as he carefully redressed them every morning before she left for work. But she never complained, barely even winced when he would apply the healing potions to her wounds as they sizzled and smoked, fighting off infection and speeding the healing process.

She seemed to be living in a cloud of happiness, unfazed by long hours at the office, or Mad-Eye's insane demands, or the impending Order mission to move Harry from his home and all the chaos that accompanied it. Her hair, as though mocking his worry, was bright pink and colorful, her eyes warm and glittering. He could not understand how calm and peaceful she seemed to be, because all he could feel was fear and his body being worn down by sleepless nights. How could he bring up all the horrific possibilities to someone who seemed impervious to pain? The pain he was feeling was very real as his guilt was tearing him apart. In the pit of his stomach he knew the child would be infected, knew it would be mutated and deadly and he would have to watch as his relationship with her dwindle and die. He had watched too often the palpable pain the females in the pack were made to suffer with the horrible miscarriages, or the overwhelming grief, as they would lose their children on full moons, and knew this was a fate he did not want for her. He didn't know if he was strong enough to bear such shame and remorse.

His love for her was real, was strong, was the only thing that kept him going, kept him smiling when she would talk animatedly to him about April and how much a spring birth would feel appropriate in these times. He loved her so much, love the warm way her eyes searched his, the feeling of her body as he held her close. Yes, his love for her was real, was the only thing keeping him grounded on the days when he seemed to be living through a fog of uncertainty. But was there love for the child?

"_A _child_, Remus, something you have always wanted, have fantasized about, why shouldn't you_ _love your child?"_ The blessing side would ask.

"_Why would you want to love something that is infected and deadly, something you cursed with a life of being an outcast and unwanted? A life, that will end as soon as it began..."_ the curse said would say maliciously, and experience had taught Remus that those he loved tended to die, perhaps not by his own hand, but they would leave him as sure as the rising of the moon.

The deep love he had for her, the love that at times made him blind, deaf and dumb to the rising guilt he was feeling, made him protective of her, that made his resolve on the issue finally take neither side of blessing or curse. He would make this matter about her, not the child. She was the one to be suffering the most, she was the one who saw this baby as something that should be celebrated and Remus knew the sorrow she would feel when the child would pass on. He would do everything in his power to make sure that she was at all times safe, and loved, and wanted. If she wanted this child, then he would do his utmost to keep _her_ safe and healthy. So the thought of her going on the mission Sunday in her condition only added stress and fear to his newfound protective attitude. But she insisted everything would be fine, that there was no reason for such alarm, that she and the baby would be perfectly safe.

With the discovery of the baby, she had forgotten to ask him about his time at the Ministry, forgotten to ask how the conditions were or what had happened. Thinking of all the blood and Gallus' mutilated body, he did not remind her, as he too tried to forget that night and didn't need any more reminding. If it wasn't the guilt keeping him awake at night, it was the dreams of terrible monsters howling and snarling at one another, and all of the blood… He'd wake up in the middle of the night covered in a warm sweat and think horribly for a moment he was covered in blood once more.

She also didn't seem to notice his wedding ring was missing, perhaps too blinded by her own happiness that his outward sign of devotion to her was gone. Remus had planned to go into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, to see if the ring had turned up, that perhaps the whole thing had been an innocent mistake and had fallen out of his pocket, or at the very least try to replace it without her knowing, but demands from the Order and his wandering mind kept him from finding a time to go into London.

As though the prospect of a disaster pregnancy, a lost ring, and the upcoming mission to move Harry wasn't enough for Remus to agonize about, on Thursday, while reading through the post, he accidently opened a letter for Tonks from the Ministry for Magic, Magical Affairs Department.

_Ms. Tonks, _

_It has come to our attention that a marriage was filed with our office, taking place on 2 July between yourself and a wizard by the name of Remus John Lupin. Our records indicate that there is no wizard by that name. We have to our knowledge a wizard by the name of John Nicholas Lupin, also registered to the address on the form in question. However, our records also show that Mr. Lupin has been deceased for some twenty-three years. If you believe someone has filed this marriage in mistake, or there was an error made with the groom's name or wizarding status, please notify the Magical Affairs Department immediately and we can correct this error and certify a change in your marital status. _

_Wishing you all the best, _

_Leona Touchstone_

_Magical Affairs Department_

Remus reread the letter several times, unable to understand. How was there nothing on him in the magical registry? He was a wizard wasn't he? He went to Hogwarts. Why did the Magical Affairs Department have no record of him? Did this mean their entire marriage was unlawful? They had had a master of ceremonies, everything felt real and legitimate, perhaps the old man made a mistake with the-

But it was then Remus remembered something, something he had to be reminded of often enough. He wasn't a wizard. He was Creature 4208. Remus groaned, agony surging through his body like some poison as he crumpled up the letter in his hand, enraged at the extreme lengths the Ministry was creating to undermine his humanity. This was outrageous. Remus remembered how even just recently, when trying to visit Tonks in hospital the welcome witch had told him that there had been no record of her being married. Now it was all making sense, the pieces were falling into place.

When she came home that evening, tired from work but still in her bubble of elation, Remus said nothing about the note, said nothing about the missing ring or the fact their marriage might not be legal. Holding her that night in bed, he worried for her. There was going to be no turning back if he were to say something, if he were to change the name on the marriage certificate from 'Remus John Lupin' to 'Creature 4208'. Everyone would know then. She would be the wife of a werewolf, not the wife of a wizard, and she could be persecuted, made a show and an outcast, like Remus was. His one ray of hope was that the Ministry still had no control over whom their employees could or could not marry, nor were there any laws, to Remus' knowledge, preventing werewolves from marrying. He had been doing all that research, all the time he had put into writing the novel, never once did he stumble across anything that indicated werewolves could not marry. Remus always thought this was due to the fact that lycanthropes didn't normally marry. They could barely find people who would talk to them for more than a minute, let alone have close friends or someone who would willing pledge their life and love to them. In the pack, Greyback had preached about free love, that monogamy was not something they had to follow, mostly in the hope of increasing pack numbers.

But marriage had been something Remus had wanted. He had wanted to pledge his life to her, wanted to declare his love for her in such a public manner, wanted the declaration of his humanity. But like many things in his life, he wasn't allowed to have what he wanted, and it all came down to the fact of what he was. A monster.

The next day, after more debating between the two sides of his conscience mind, he went into the Ministry. He told the guard who registered his wand into time log that he was here on the pretense of coming to see Tonks, surprising her with lunch. But in fact, he was heading to level four for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

He debated whether or not to go straight to the Magical Affairs Department, but found that his courage in declaring their marriage in front them all was waning and instead went to see someone about his missing ring and perhaps ask some innocent questions about werewolf marriages.

It was a large and spacious department, the owners to the neatly rowed cubicles all looked fearsome and battled scarred, as though these were rights of passage to be a member here. There were posters all over the walls of terrible beasts, snarling and gnashing great fanged teeth. Remus saw sadly a poster of a normal looking man and woman smiling pleasantly until they morphed rapidly into massive rabid wolves, wrestling over what appeared to be the body of a small child, before morphing back into the pleasant looking couple once more. The caption at the bottom read, _"This Is Your Neighbor. Suspicious Activity Is Illegal Activity. Don't Wait Until It's Too Late."_ There were other people waiting to be seen by one section or another, and Remus felt as though he recognized one of those waiting as one of men who had reported for the full moon.

"Hello," he said to the secretary who checked people in. "I'm here about-"

But the secretary looked him over once and said, "Werewolf? Please fill out these forms and your complaints will be read by someone at their earliest convenience."

So, people _had_ been complaining. Remus was glad to see that some had stepped up for their rights. "Ma'am, you don't understand. I lost a ring Sunday last and I was wondering if someone had found it."

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, her wrinkled forehead becoming increasingly so as she stared at Remus. "A ring?"

"That's right, I put it into my trouser pocket-"

"What kind of a ring was it?" she asked sharply.

"Just a silver ring, a plain band."

"Like a wedding ring?" she asked, looking even more suspicious.

"It looks like one, yes," Remus said, feeling that coming outright to say it _was_ his wedding ring might bring his marriage under further review.

"There have been no sightings of a ring matching that description. And I should say not. As I'm sure you are aware, werewolf, for your kind to marry there is paperwork and we haven't had a record of a werewolf marrying in over fifteen years. Werewolf Capture Unit have to keep a close watch on werewolves marrying to monitor the possibility of offspring."

Remus' heart plummeted.

"Ah, well, like I said, it wasn't a wedding ring, so no need to worry on that account. I just wanted to see if I could get it back as it is of sentimental value, but clearly it's been lost and there is no point in wasting your time. Have a nice day." He hurriedly left the Department ignoring the secretary's protests of having him come back to report himself. How did he overlook filing anything with the Department? Remus usually followed every law, every precaution, every nonsensical task or procedure the Ministry asked of him in the hopes they would leave him alone. But it seems he overlooked something, something he did not even know he needed to do. _Wonderful_. This was all he needed, the Ministry breathing down his neck for not filing some silly sheet of paper. Besides, it was a little late for them to monitoring offspring…

He wandered back to the lifts and headed for the Auror Department, his mind reeling over the fact he was not married in the eyes of the Ministry. He saw her leaning over her desk, looking over a sheet of paper to then look up at the large map of the United Kingdom on the wall which was dotted with small thumbtacks of various colors, using her wand to move a yellow one nearer to the Irish coast, as though verifying something. It was then she spotted him, looking ecstatic at his surprise. "Remus!" she squealed, causing the mostly male Department to look up from their work, watching her run over to him, hugging him tightly making him blush scarlet. "What are you doing here?" but her smile faded rapidly when she asked quickly, "Has something happened? Is something wrong?"

He tried to give her his most convincing smile as he said, "I can't surprise you with lunch?"

Her bright smile returned as she called back, "Dawlish! Let Robards know I've gone to lunch!"

"Lunch isn't for another hour Tonks!" Dawlish called back.

"If he says anything, tell him to piss off!" Tonks called back as she led him back towards the lifts, several Aurors chuckling appreciatively.

"This is a wonderful surprise," she said, holding tightly onto his hand. "I was just thinking I was needing a break soon and then I saw you standing there! Wonderful timing darling."

"I like to think so," he said, not quite matching her happiness. _You should tell her_, his rationale was telling him. _She needs to know. This effects her life as well. _

_"Why?"_ Said the crueler voice in his head. "_This might be the way out you've been looking for. She'll no longer have the unwanted connection; you'll no longer be dragging her down_."

Tonks brought them outside, walking to a nearby park. "I've always wanted to eat alfresco, but we have such hurried lunch breaks."

"I'm not getting you into trouble am I?" Remus asked, pulling out the neatly wrapped sandwiches and bottles of pumpkin juice.

"Not at all," she said, biting in her sandwich. In the warm London summer, Tonks was certainly clearly glad for the distraction and company. He didn't have the heart to tell her about his ring, nor about the possibility of their illegal marriage. He was enjoying her company the best he could, but now his worry for her seemed to quadruple as he now her, Greyback, his unborn child _and_ the Ministry to worry about.

_His child_. Remus still felt conflicted about the whole idea. He desperately wanted to be happy with her, desperately wanted to share in the joy she so clearly felt, and there were moments he really tried and could feel that small glimmer hope and delight. But any thought of the happiness a child would bring to him was starting to make him angry, as though this was all a cruel joke fate was playing on him. As though someone knew the best place to wound him, and did so without remorse, stabbing him repeatedly so that he was slowly becoming numb and lifeless.

By the time Saturday's Order meeting came, Remus was barely present, barely alert of his surroundings. Sleepless night had finally caught up with him and he seemed to catch himself sleeping with his eyes open, completely unaware of the proceedings as Mad-Eye started assigning partners and safe house locations.

"Remus?" Tonks said, playfully poking Remus' in the ribs as though to wake him from a deep sleep. "Are you alright with flying on a broom?"

Remus looked around to see the entire Order staring at him as though he had sprouted horns.

"Flying?" Remus asked stupidly, looking confused.

"Bloody hell," Moody muttered under his breath. "Are you efficient enough with your broom work to have another person on a broom with you Lupin? If not, Hagrid is going to need to bring more thestrals."

"Two? Yeah, that should be fine," he said, running a hand through his hair, still not completely aware of what he was agreeing to. "Yeah, fine, should be fine."

"Then George, you'll be with Lupin, if he wakes up in time." Moody growled.

"That's comforting," George muttered and Fred hit him in the stomach.

"Hermione won't want to fly on a broom," Ron bursted out. "I just remembered, she doesn't like flying."

"I'm also not a very accomplished flyer myself," Kingsley said, "at least, not enough to have another and protect them on a broom with me. I'll accompany Hermione if she wants to go on a thestral instead."

"Very well, any other requests? We already have Bill and Fleur on thestral, and Hagrid will be taking his motorbike, so the point of the diversion will be lost enough as it is. No?" Moody said looking around the room.

"Mad-Eye," Ron said, looking confused, "why isn't Harry riding with you? Wouldn't you be the best choice to protect him?"

"That's exactly what the Death Eaters will think!" Moody growled, making Ron blush as red as his hair. "They'll be expecting Potter to be with one of the oldest, most experienced Aurors. I'd be watching out for yourself and Ms. Granger, Kingsley, they'll be after you as well."

"Why not Tonks?" Ginny asked. "She's an Auror, but hasn't been with the Department long enough to be the most experienced one here, no offense Tonks."

"None taken," Tonks said with a shrug. "It's true Mad-Eye, shouldn't Harry be with an Auror? I don't mind him riding with me."

"It's true you are still too young for them to deem you as a threat," Mad-Eye said, appraising his protégé with both eyes. "They are sorely mistaken on that point." Remus saw Tonks blush with pride. "But having Harry ride with Hagrid, someone they have dismissed _altogether_ as being capable of performing magic and therefore providing the least amount of protection, will be the best defense we have for the boy. If Potter doesn't blow his cover I could safely say it will be smooth sailing for the pair of them."

"This is all _if_ there are Death Eaters tomorrow night, Mad-Eye," Tonks added somehow knowing that Remus was running through all the worst-case scenarios in his head like some terrifying film that was being torturously played over and over again in his mind's eye. "We might have blown this whole situation completely out of proportion and we'll just have a pleasant night's broom ride."

"It's better to plan for the worst than be taken by surprise," Moody growled, and he looked as though he might have jumped to conclusions about her being a threat, that clearly she might be in need of more training. "Anymore questions?" he looked around the room but everyone was silent. "Very well, let's move on. So, Arthur and Fred, you'll come back first and head for-"

"Ah, yeah, sorry Mad-Eye," Remus said. "You mind if Nymphadora comes back first?"

"Remus," Tonks said in a low voice, looking extremely embarrassed that he would dare to put her in a place of weakness.

"Sweetheart, you're not _well_," Remus said pointedly, hoping she understood his meaning. "I'd feel better if you took the shortest route and were back first."

Tonks seemed to understand that he was talking about her condition, but still looked thoroughly embarrassed as she said, "Fine, fine, you're right."

"Alright then," Moody said, watching the couple with some interest. "Ron and Nymphadora will head for Muriel's house and will be back _first_, Fred and Arthur, you'll be second, heading for my house, Hagrid and Harry will head for Andromeda and Ted Tonks' residence, and will be back third, Remus and George, fourth, to Kingsley's house, Kingsley and Hermione will head for Hestia Jones' house and are fifth, Bill and Fleur, to Deedalus Diggle's house, sixth, leaving Mungdungus and I last."

"I still don't see why I can't be a decoy as well," Ginny said moodily.

"Oi! There we go Mad-Eye, she can trade places wit me!" Mungdungus said brightly, who had been moodily mumbling how he didn't want to do this, that he'd rather be a protector than a Harry.

"Mungdungus," Moody said threateningly, "you'll take your dose Polyjuice Potion and that will be the end of it."

"Alright, alright," he said grumpily, taking his seat in the corner.

"Besides, you're not of age, Ginerva," Mrs. Weasley said severely, "and you're not even an official member of the Order."

"I'm just as good as one," she countered. "I'm present at meetings, I know everything that's going on-"

"You're not old enough," Moody said firmly, "and I'll not have the blood of children on my hands." Tonks shifted uncomfortably in her seat, making Moody's magical spin around to look at her. But Moody's features soften a little looking at Ginny with his good eye. "Ms. Weasley, if you'd like a task, you can inform Ms. Granger when she arrives later this evening about her assignment and the decision of putting her on a thestral."

"Fine," Ginny said, clearly still put out.

"Good. I'll contact Hagrid tonight about the number of thestrals. I don't need to remind everyone of the consequences should our mission be compromised. We're so close to pulling this off, and until then constant vigilance!"

That signaled the end of the meeting, making everyone stand and congregate together, talking excitedly about the upcoming mission.

"Are you alright?" Tonks said quietly, gripping Remus on the back of his arm.

"Fine," he repeated, giving her a small smile.

"Why did you-" she began but Mad-Eye barked out a "Nymphadora! I'd like a word." She gave Remus a look that said she'd like nothing more than to tell Mad-Eye to sod off, but walked over to him all the same. He watched as he and Tonks quietly talked over something, and saw the look of concern on Mad-Eye's face. But whatever Tonks told him seemed to pacify him enough to say, "Alright, be gone with you."

She walked back over to Remus looking slightly triumphant but Remus could see the worry in the creases in the corners of her eyes.

"Ready to go?" she said brightly, and he nodded his head. They said their goodbyes to the rest of the Order, Mrs. Weasley insisting they stay for supper, but they both politely declined.

"You all right?" he asked, as they walked out the front door and made for the edge of the protective barrier.

"Yeah, fine, and you?"

"Fine," he said, but it was apparent to both of them that neither one was fine, but neither one said a word as they Apparated home.

"Mum suspects something," Tonks said later that night over their dinner. "Mad-Eye, Kingsley and I went around placing the protective spells around the different safe houses today for the mission, and I was feeling a little woozy and tired, and needed to sit down. I told them it was from all the Apparating we had been doing that day, but she gave me such a knowing look I felt sure she'd say something."

"Did she?" Remus asked.

"No, but she wants us to come round for supper on Monday. Says she wants the four of us to have a _chat_."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"I don't know," Tonks sighed. "But I bet she's sussed it out from someone at hospital. Or, more likely, snuck in to the records department during her shift and illegally looked through my file, she's that manipulative. I'm not sure what she's going to do when she finds out, or confronts us about it. It's bad enough it's taken her this long to accept us." Remus personally thought he might have to go into hiding when Andromeda found out he got Nymphadora pregnant. The hexes aimed at him would be monumental… Not to mention what her father would have to say about it. He shuddered thinking about how frightening Ted Tonks looked when he and Dora told them they were getting married in a hurry. But he knew Ted to a loving and supportive father, who would never do anything to hurt his daughter. But a father's love can only go so far when he finds out she's pregnant, and the man responsible is a Dark Creature.

"Why did you ask Mad-Eye that I be the first one back?" she asked, looking weary.

"I want to know that you're safe, Dora," he said firmly. "If you still insist on going on this mission tomorrow I want to take very precaution that your life, or… the baby's life won't be in anymore jeopardy than is strictly necessary."

"I know," she sighed, "and I appreciate the concern, but you couldn't have waited until after the meeting was over to bring this up? Mad-Eye now seems to be taking a leaf out of your book and doesn't want me going tomorrow night."

"He doesn't?"

"No, that's what he talked to me about. He feels guilty for what happened me to with the raid on the Death Eaters last week. He knew how tired I was, knew that I wasn't at my best for such a task, but sent me in anyway. Now, because you said I wasn't well, he doesn't want me going out."

"But you convinced him otherwise, clearly," Remus said.

"I said you were being a worry wart and I was feeling fine." She said. "And it's true darling, you are a worry wart."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, but if you don't stop with the constant anxiety, you're going to give yourself even more wrinkles."

He smiled as he said, "I think the damage has been done."

That night in bed, Tonks tried to engage him foreplay, and as much as he would have enjoyed what she was doing, he couldn't bring himself to make love to her.

"What's wrong Remus?" she asked. She sounded hurt, as though his lack of response was a personal insult.

"Nothing, I'm just tired is all." He said quietly.

"You'd rather _sleep_?" she asked incredulously.

"I'd rather sleep." Remus said, a note of finality in his voice. In truth he would much rather make love to his wife, but he already felt like he had infected her, created a monster within her, and he didn't need the reminder of how it got there.

"What's really the matter Remus?" Tonks asked. "You've been distant with me ever since finding out about the baby. I thought we talked about not worrying about something we have no control over."

"We did," he said slowly.

"But?" she asked impatiently.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm not concerned."

"You need to let go of your fears, sweetheart." She said, looking at him, her body supported on an arm. "What will happen will happen. There is nothing we can do to stop it."

"But we could have _prevented_ it." Remus said.

"True, we could have been a little more careful, I could have been a little more mindful about my potion regiment, but we can't do anything about it now. All things considered, I'm not surprised it happened. Ever since that one morning when you decided you wanted to get married you've been…" she made a contented sort of sigh "I don't know about you, but I don't regret for a moment anything we did that week. In fact, I'd like to see a little more of it right now. So why don't you try, just try for me Remus, to be happy? Where is the spontaneous man who convinced me to elope with him? Who was so happy on our wedding day, everyone said he looked decades younger? Where is the man who surprised me in the shower or had his way with me on the desk?" He could hear the grin in her voice. "Where did Mister Moony go?"

Remus sighed. He felt that man had been dead and buried long ago. "He has finally realized his selfishness and the danger he put his wife in."

She let out a strangled sound of anger and frustration and got out of bed, turning on the lights. She was looking at him with such fury, her hair a blazing red, that Remus was rather startled and sat bolt up right, his hand twitching for his wand.

"That's it, Remus, I'm done!" She said, pacing back and forth, throwing her hands in the air. "I've tried to see your side of things, try to follow your logic and understand your worry and I'm just done." She stood deadly still now, looking at him fiercely. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do," he said. "But that doesn't-"

"No don't you start! I'm done with the 'buts'. I'm done with the 'what ifs' and the 'could happens'. We don't know what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. We don't know if this child is going to be a werewolf or a metamorphmagus or just a normal human being. But what we do know is that we love each other and we will love this child no matter what."

"Nymphadora, love can't always be enough." Remus said sadly.

"Why can't it?" she asked stubbornly. "Why can't love be enough?"

"Because it won't save you." He said angrily. She had to know how much her life meant to him. "It won't save the child. You… ugh, you don't understand," he said feeling angry.

"Understand what exactly?"

"Let's just play the what if game, just for a moment. What if the child is infected, and by some miracle it's carried to term? What happens when I have to be locked away at the Ministry while you're at home hoping the child doesn't die from a disease I gave it? How am I supposed to come home after that, to even look you in the eye, to comfort you after everything that happened?"

"It wouldn't be your fault if the child has lycanthropy." Tonks said quietly, but Remus could see the doubt in her eyes and knew she didn't believe what she was saying.

"Yes, Dora, it would," he said sadly, "and you may not admit now, or even then, but you would blame me for its death."

"I wouldn't!"

"You would, just as my mother blamed my father."

"Your father made a mistake, one that had a brutal consequence. But if the baby does transform, there would have been nothing we could have done to prevent it. It would just be a cruel twist in genetics."

"That it inherited from _me_! Don't you see Dora? Everything comes back to this," he said gesturing to his whole person, "who I am, _what_ I am. Everything!"

"But I love you! I love you for who and _what_ you are Remus Lupin." She said fiercely.

"And you'll love our child just as much if not more." He said, closing his eyes and holding up a hand for peace. "But think, just _think_, for one moment, about what will happen to the love you have for me when you watch our child die? And could you honestly tell me, hearing a baby scream, hearing _your_ baby scream, writhing in agony and pain, that you wouldn't try to comfort it, try and help ease its suffering? Because if you do, then you run the risk of being infected as well as it will try to bite you, try to lash out against the only human in the room."

"Remus," she said, looking horrified for a moment, contemplating such a gruesome night, but shook her head as though to rid herself of the mental image. "Remus, this is all a really big 'what if' scenario."

"One that is still possible, if not probable." He said firmly.

"But there is still a chance for a completely normal healthy child. Shouldn't we put our effort and focus into that?"

Remus was silent. Why didn't she understand? Lavinia had warned him about this, warned him that she would some day plead with him for a child of their own. But he thought that it would be years away, something to worry about in the future. Too bad fate has a cruel sense of humor. But he remembered his resolve to keep her healthy, to make sure that no _unnecessary_ harm should come to her, and stress like this making her blood pressure rise was not good.

"Come back to bed," he said finally, holding out his arms. She took another moment to look warily at him, as though he was going to fill her head with more ghastly tales of newborns dying. Remus could see the fear in her eyes, and felt sickeningly that he did this to her, put these thoughts and fears into her head, put that monster into her body. But looking stubborn, she quickly hopped back into bed and settled herself in close to his body, her hair returning to the pink color she always wore. It felt good to hold her like this, like he used to, like everything was back to normal. He kissed the top of her forehead. "I don't want to make you upset," he said slowly.

"I know," she said, her breath warm against his chest.

"I'm only telling you these things because I love you too much to have anything happen to you," he said, kissing the top of her head again.

"I know," she said, exhaling, and Remus could sense her frustration. "I would just hope that you would have a little more trust in our love and have some faith that we will get through this together. All three of us."

The protective arm wrapped around her body pulled her in closer, tighter, as she said 'three of us'. Perhaps it would be all right; perhaps their child would be healthy, free from disease or distortion. Perhaps she had a point in having them hope for the best, that it would be better to spend their energy into focusing on the new life created, instead of the possibility of its demise.

But there was no escaping hearing her cries that night, mumbled words against the frightful monsters that plagued her dreams.

"Please," he heard her begging, moaning, pleading to some phantom being. "Please… let him go…"

"Dora," he said gently, shaking her awake, unable to hear anymore of her crying. "Dora, wake up, you're dreaming."

"NO!" she cried out, sitting bolt up right in bed, her arms flailing as she tried to hit her phantom attacker.

"Nymphadora!" he said sternly, pining down her arms, shaking her a little harder to wake her fully.

Panting, her eyes opened wide looking around for the source of such disturbance. She looked over to Remus, and he felt the pit of his stomach drop; he had never seen such fear in her eyes.

"Remus," she said, her bottom lip beginning to tremble as she fought back tears. "Oh, Remus." She collapsed into his arms, holding him, sobbing uncontrollably. He held her close, pulling her onto his lap, soothing her.

"It's alright, it was just a dream," he said calmly, stroking her hair, trying to ease the way her chest was still racked with sobs.

"I-it was h-horrible," she wailed, sounding like a child who was told the monsters under her bed were real and were hungry.

"It wasn't real," he said quietly, wondering what had caused such alarm and fright into her. He had never seen her like this, so abandoned of pretense or trying to remain brave in the face of danger. Yet something in her dream had disturbed her on a deeper level, to make her break down.

"It f-felt so r-real," she said, her crying easing, still sounding small and helpless.

"It wasn't real," he repeated to her, continuing to hold her tightly to his chest.

He held her close until her crying had ceased and all had become quiet once more. He thought she might have fallen back to sleep, but then he heard timidly, "I thought you had died."

"What?" Remus asked, looking down to her face. Her eyes were barely open; the force of her crying had made her sleepy once more.

"I had to watch as Greyback killed you, tore you to pieces, limb by limb."

"Oh Dora," he said, his heart breaking for her, and holding her even more tightly, could feel she was still shaking with fear. "I'm alright, everything is alright. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?" she said, sounding so timid and shy.

"I promise," Remus said, kissing the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you more." she said, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Impossible."

The next morning Remus was feeling anxious; Tonks' nightmare had somehow awoken an even greater level of fear inside him, as though the phantom monsters in her dream gave way to the monsters of reality. For once his anxiety was not directed towards Tonks or the baby or what Greyback may be planning, but for Harry. He was anxious to see the young man again, anxious to make sure that he was all right, especially after the death of Dumbledore and he was managing his grief appropriately. One of the many reasons for Remus' guilt of late was due to the fact he wanted to do more for the boy, his best friends' son. He felt he should have stepped up, taken a more fatherly role with him. But his reasoning, as it always did, came down to not wanting the boy to be put in any unnecessary danger, or have the connection to what he was. And so, rather selfishly, he hid from Harry, from the last remaining piece of James and Lily.

"What are you thinking about so intently?" Tonks said, coming up behind him, sliding her hands down his chest to look over his shoulder to see the book in his lap. He had been trying to take his mind away from the mission tonight and the mounting dread bubbling inside of him, so he sat himself down on the couch and began to read one of his research books, _Lycanthrope Of Today, The Dangers of the Modern Werewolf._ He had tried to find something more lighthearted, but Tonks' book selection was rather slim, and as fascinating as a biography of Myron Wagtail, his wife's ex-boyfriend, could be, he settled on something he might gen some knowledge from.

"Nothing, just thinking," he said, turning his head towards her, smiling at her before she leaned in to give him a kiss.

"Not worrying are we?" she said, breaking away to look intently into his eyes.

"I feel like asking me to worry is like asking a sphinx not to speak in verse. Rather impossible."

She collapsed her head onto his shoulder. "Ugh, we need to get out of this house."

"What?" Remus asked, bemused.

"I think you spend too much time cooped up in here with your horrid books."

"Books aren't horrid!" he said, appalled at her even thinking such a thing.

"Not books in general, but you're reading about werewolves tearing through towns and villages on killing sprees. That's horrid."

"I'm… working on my book."

She lifted her head up to give him a pointed, knowing look that it had been quite a while since he had sat down to write anything. "When was the last time we've walked along the Thames or went anywhere other than to your local down in the village? We could get something to eat bank side, and then head over to the Burrow when it's time."

"Dora," he said trying to think of a good enough excuse. But there wasn't one. She was right; it had been ages since they had did anything diverting together, not since their honeymoon at least, and truth be told, he was getting sick of the cottage. "Alright, you win."

So they gathered up their belongings for the mission, Tonks putting her broom into her small handbag, Remus would be using George's broomstick, and Apparated into Muggle London. It was an overcast sort of day, the sky threatening rain but never delivering. It looked as though Mother Nature was aware of the impending doom the mission tonight had the possibility of bringing. But to Tonks, there was not a cloud in the sky. She walked happily on the sidewalk that ran along the river, holding Remus' hand as though there was not a care in the world. And Remus started to feel happy, like a small balloon inflating inside him. He found his worries abating, and his love for her swelling. It was as though the cottage had a hold on the cruel thoughts of his mind and now away from it, in the bracing air, he was free. The relief he felt was overwhelming.

They sat themselves down for an early dinner at a restaurant along the river, and Remus didn't even seem to worry about the inflated prices for a meal. He was too contentedly staring into her beautiful dark eyes. So what if she was pregnant with his child? He loved children, had always wanted children. So what if there was a chance they weren't even legally married? He loved her enough that having a piece of paper declaring it so seemed empty and meaningless. Nothing seemed to matter as the clouds parted for a time and the sunlight could be felt at last. But reality caught up to his good feelings as she said, "We should be leaving soon. We've got a long night ahead of us."

His happy thoughts and feelings started to deflate, slowly at first, but more rapidly as the time was ticking down to their anticipated departure for Privet Drive. They found a back alley where no Muggles were present, and Apparated to the Burrow just in time to see the twins letting off some of their famed fireworks in the yard while Molly and Mad-Eye were yelling at them.

"Both of you! You know how I feel about you letting off those things! What if they land on the roof, it'd set the whole house ablaze!" Mrs. Weasley yelled, waving a scolding finger at both of them.

"You are making this spot even more of a target! What if the Death Eaters are watching the area? You might as well advertise the Order's headquarters!" Moody roared, waving his wand trying to subdue the bright lights and booming noises as they exploded. Tonks just laughed.

"Never a dull moment," she said, taking Remus' hand and led them both inside. Many of the members of the Order were gathered throughout the sitting room and kitchen, talking quietly to one another.

"Tonks!" squealed Hermione. She and Ginny had been sitting on the floor, but got up when they saw Tonks and Lupin walk in. Tonks hugged the younger woman tightly before hugging Ginny as well. "Professor Lupin!"

"Hermione, I have not been your professor for many years now. How many times have I told you kids to call me Remus?" Remus said kindly, looking onto the excited young woman. But even through her excitement, Remus could see a deep sadness in her eyes and was almost startled by just how much she had matured since last he saw her. She certainly was no longer the girl he had to comfort during her end of the year examination when a boggart Professor McGonagall had shrewdly told her she had failed all of her exams. She had the look, very much like werewolves, of aging quickly, of having been forced into maturity before her time. War did that to people, he supposed, made them leave childish cares behind for the hard truths of adulthood.

"Sorry, Prof- I mean, Remus. Ginny said you two got married?" she asked, looking from Tonks to Lupin with pure joy on her face.

"We sure did!" Tonks said happily holding out her left hand so Hermione could see her wedding ring.

"Isn't it gorgeous?" Ginny said, looking at ring as well. "I heard Bill saying he was really worried that the ring he got Fleur looked downright plain next to this one."

"He's exaggerating," Remus said. "I've seen Fleur's ring and it's very beautiful."

"Besides, mine is one of a kind," Tonks said, and she looked up at Remus with such love in her eyes, that he couldn't help but smile looking back at her. Remus could see both Ginny and Hermione turn to look at each other as though they had seen a new puppy, or something equally adorable. He decided he needed to leave, needed a few moments of masculine company and advice.

"I'm, uh, going to find Bill," Remus said, giving Tonks a quick kiss on the cheek. He was glad to leave as he heard more feminine squeals of delight from the three women. Shaking his head and laughing a little to himself he was surprised not to find Bill anywhere in the Burrow. Instead he found Kingsley, in the sitting room drinking a large mug of coffee, looking anxious and restless.

"Kingsley," he said coming over to sit with him.

"Tonks I see is feeling better." He said, nodding his head to where she, Hermione and Ginny seemed to be talking in whispers and giggles. "I would have come to check on her sooner, but Mad-Eye has me looking after the Muggle Prime Minister and Scrimgeour. I've been working around the clock."

And he looked it. His eyes seemed swollen and his demeanor was not the ever presence of calm he was known for. He seemed agitated and on edge, probably not the most efficient characteristics for someone about to tackle a mission.

"Don't worry about it, she's doing much better, I'm sure thanks in part to your saving her." Remus said.

"She brought down a couple of Death Eaters before they got to her, and the mission went pretty well all things considered, no casualties on our end. We successfully brought down a large cell of Death Eaters, who no doubt, would have only added to the numbers of You-Know-Who's growing army. Now if we could only take down all these alleged cells of Death Eaters _and_ keep them locked up. There is no telling how long they'll stay in Azkaban."

"Will she have to go back? Undercover, I mean." Remus asked. He had wondered about this scenario, because Mad-Eye had said that should her undercover mission produce the results they needed, she would tried to infiltrate more of these sleeper cells.

"I'm not sure yet," Kingsley said slowly, and sensing Remus' worry added, "it won't be for a while if they do want her back in the field. It would look too suspicious if her persona shows up so soon at another location following a massive raid on her previous whereabouts."

"Well, she shouldn't be working so hard." Remus said, thinking of the baby.

"She's just fine Remus," Kingsley said chuckling appreciatively. "Mad-Eye would never work her harder than what is required from her. In fact, he gives her some of the best shifts at work and hour long lunch breaks."

"Doesn't everyone?" Remus asked smiling knowing of how fond Mad-Eye was of Tonks.

"Of course not! The old bugger usually has us working through our lunches. But she's always been a favorite of his. She's the only one in the Department who can get away with giving him lip. I wouldn't want to see what would happen if Dawlish or I talked back to Moody. Even Robbards is intimidated by him."

Remus laughed. "I don't know what kind of hold she has over him, but she is certainly putting it to good use."

"I'll say," Kingsley said.

"So you are taking one of the thestral with Hermione this evening?" Remus said, looking back over to where Tonks, Ginny and Hermione were still talking animatedly to one another.

"Yeah, I was never one for brooms."

"You seemed to do pretty well on the Advanced Guard a few years back," Remus said.

"Well, I can fly sure enough, but I was typically the biggest kid in my year and it made it hard for me to ride brooms, so I never properly learned. And then having the added concentration of protecting the person riding behind me, I don't think I could have managed."

"I used to love riding," Remus said, thinking back to his time at Hogwarts. "Sirius or James used to let me borrow their brooms before my parents in my third year bought me a broom for my birthday. Oh, I loved that broom, rode it everywhere, especially during the summer holidays because there was nothing else to do. It was just when Silver Arrows had come out, and everyone was raving about them. In truth it was probably more broom than I could handle, but for a while, I had something everyone else wanted for a change, making me the most popular boy in the Gryffindor common room. My parents used to spoil me rotten when I was young, out of guilt I think, but as time went along, and especially after my father passed away and we could no longer rely on his income, my mother didn't have the luxury of spending our savings on trivialities like new brooms and sending me sweets through post." He sadly thought back to the last thing his mother ever sent him at Hogwarts. It was a dark chocolate cake, packaged like always, in a decorative box, tied tight with neat brown string. It was a good luck sort of gift, sent to him a few weeks before he would take his N.E.W.T.s, after he wrote home saying how worried he was about them. She would pass away a few weeks later, Healers still at a loss as to the reason why, and the cake had long since been devoured by Sirius. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to depress you with my life's story," Remus said seeing just how worried Kingsley looked.

"No, it's alright," Kingsley said, his expression still solemn. "There are moments from our past that catch up to us at the most unexpected times. I was on a date once and one of the waitresses wore a perfume very similar to the one my mother wore and got me off on a tangent about the time I was six and she took my sister and I to the Magical Menagerie, and then got me talking about the absurdity in the cost of caring for a turtle. Completely off topic from her talking about her job with Magical Games and Sports."

"I can assume the date didn't end too well?" Remus said smiling.

"Nah, to tell you the truth I'd been set up by a friend, and she was more interesting in talking about herself than anything else. But I am glad to see you and Tonks doing so well. I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was glowing."

Remus paled. Did Kingsley know something? But at that moment he spotted Bill walking through the front door with Fred and George. Remus waved them over, indicating they should join Kingsley and himself.

"Remus!" Bill said, thumping him on the back. "I was just telling George that I felt bad for not throwing you a stag party before you got married."

"Doesn't mean we can't throw one belatedly." Fred said.

Remus laughed. "Boys, I'm happily married at the moment. Besides, I don't really need any more action." He said, thinking about what Tonks would do if he and the boys went out for a stag night. He watched as the twins turned to each other and sniggering. "And that clearly was the wrong choice of words." He said, realizing how his statement could be perceived.

"Sure it did," George said.

"You sly dog," Fred said playfully.

"I mean, a metamorphmagus, things could get pretty kinky-" George started.

"I think we should think about your brother here," he said abruptly, feeling his cheeks burning painfully, trying to change the subject. "He's the one with the upcoming marriage."

"Don't remind me," Bill said wearily. "Oh should I say, don't remind mum."

"She seems alright to me," Kingsley said smiling.

"That's because there's company around and she won't launch into her mad mum routine until everyone's left." George said conspiratorially.

"She's a nightmare," Fred said shaking his head with disbelief.

"Honestly, nothing worse," George said. Fred looked at his brother shaking his head, but then the two started grinning mischievously, George adding, "We'll be back in a mo." The two walked away from the other men, talking in low tones, and Remus had a suspicion they were planning something to rile up their mother, as though the fireworks weren't enough.

"So are you getting nervous at all?" Kingsley asked, turning their attention back to Bill.

"Not really," Bill said calmly. "I'm just going to be glad when it's all over."

"Have you found a house yet? I know the last time we spoke there was a cottage in Tinworth you both liked."

"Yeah, we actually bought that place, it's right near the sea." Bill said.

"That's fantastic. Tinworth is a wonderful magical community, and it should be plenty peaceful out there, being near the sea." Remus said.

"It might be too peaceful." Bill said. "I don't know how it's going to be living so far away from everyone."

"Well, it will give you and Fleur plenty of time to build a strong foundation in your marriage. Plus, some time away from your mother might be needed." Remus added appreciatively.

"Quite right," Bill said fervently. "How are things with you and Tonks? I know she was injured the other night on the mission in Scotland, is everything healing up nicely?"

"Yeah, she's alright now." Remus said, looking over to where he could see Tonks, Ginny, and Hermione huddled close together in the kitchen sharing each other's confidences. "Just a few well placed curses. She's too stubborn to die in so casual a manner."

"Hmm, Mad-Eye said she fainted." Bill said, raising an eyebrow and giving Remus a knowing look. Remus could feel himself blush. Did everyone know about her condition, or was it just his imagination? "Been too knackered after a week with you before the full moon, eh?" Bill said, a smirk playing across his mouth. Kingsley's low chuckle made Remus laugh as well.

"Well, I don't know exactly how to respond to such a question except to say she wasn't with me that week!"

"Don't deny it Lupin, married life is treating you well." Kingsley said, nodding his head.

"I told him, King, I told him. Marry her, I said to you." Bill said looking smug.

"And you were right," Remus said. He had to admit that despite his new worry and bickering over the baby, he _was_ happy. Well, happier than he had been six months ago. He didn't know if it was due to his marriage or just the fact that he was in love, but he really was happy. At least, he liked to pretend he was. He just wished there wasn't so much uncertainty. It was all of the unknowns that kept him from fully enjoying his life. "I just wish this war was over and we can start to really live our lives without fear."

"I hear you," Bill said grimly. "My biggest worry living further away is that I won't know if mum and dad will be all right, especially now the house is Headquarters, or that we'll be the last to know about an attack. I hate the not knowing."

"I know, Dora yelled at me last night about constantly being worried about the 'what ifs'."

"Well, there's worry and there's _worry_." Bill said seriously.

"You have to admit Lupin that you're one of those who are very cerebral and tend to live too much in your head." Kingsley chimed in. "Tonks is a very live-in-the-moment kind of girl."

Bill nodded adding, "I can see it might not be marital bliss if you don't try something spontaneous every once and a while."

"Well, I'm just concerned for her well being." Remus said. "She forgets that I've been through one war already. I know what the consequences are of not being cautious."

"But we've learned and adapted from our mistakes. We're better informed and have a better understanding of You-Know-Who's intentions, thanks to the intelligence you brought back." said Kingsley.

"I know, but again, there is still so much uncertainty. There is no definitive date, nothing concrete." Remus said, running a hand through his greying hair. He thought vaguely of how long it was getting.

"And if we all sat around thinking about every worst case scenarios we'd all go mad!" Bill said. "Listen mate, enjoy your time together and be thankful that you have one more day to share with each other. Give her a few more fainting spells," he said sniggering and Kingsley chuckled appreciatively. How was it Bill Weasley had such an understanding of the world? _He was the one who told you to live in the moment_, a nasty voice inside his head began, _you tried that, and look where it got you: your wife up the duff, and you, completely at the mercy of fate. Pathetic._

But he ignored this voice as best he could. He focused instead on the last shreds of happiness and contentment he had felt less than an hour ago, while he walked with her, hand in hand along the bank of the Thames. "Bill, you are wise beyond your years." Remus said appreciatively.

"Nah, just had a few more girlfriends than you mate," Bill said.

Remus laughed but was drowned out by Moody's shouting. "Quiet everyone!" The room instantly fell silent. "As you know, we are facing an unknown situation tonight, so everyone needs to be alert and focused. Hagrid will be along shortly with the thestrals. Everyone have their brooms?" He said looking around and he saw a few people nod their heads. "Very good. We'll be leaving at precisely 19:00, so everyone should be getting ready to take off."

"I've got to go find Fleur," Bill said looking around. "She'll need help around the thestral."

Remus watched the young man leave, and he looked into the kitchen, spotting Tonks sitting at the table with Ginny and Hermione. _Live in the moment, eh?_ He excused himself from Kingsley, and went over to talk with her.

"It really looked beautiful Tonks," he heard Hermione saying as he came closer to the kitchen.

"I'm just sorry you couldn't come," Tonks said sadly.

"I wanted to spend a little more time with mum and dad," Hermione said, a deep sadness in her voice. "You know, in case… something, should happen to them… or me."

Remus walked into the kitchen, unnoticed by any of them. Touching the back of Tonks' shoulder to get her attention she jumped. "Remus! You scared me!" she said, clutching at her chest. It was only then did he see what the three of them were looking at so intently. Photographs from their wedding.

"Where did you get these?" Remus asked, picking up a picture of himself dancing wildly with Tonks. Only it wasn't himself; it was a younger, healthier, happier version of himself, pink in the face from the raucous nature of his dancing.

"Molly took pictures that night," she said, looking to the dozens of photographs covering the kitchen table. "She finally got around to developing them and said we could take them home if we'd like. There are some that are rather ghastly, we'll not be taking those, and I was telling dad…"

But Remus didn't pay attention to what she was rambling on about to the two young women sitting with her. Remus took a seat at the table, oblivious to Ginny and Hermione sitting there, oblivious to the fact they were about to face an unknown situation involving Harry Potter, oblivious to even his own ever-present fear. He seemed stare at each of the photos in a state of shock by truly how much younger he appeared, how happy he was. He thought briefly of the Ministry, of the silly piece of regulation that was overlooked. How could anyone say they weren't married? Here was photographic proof that two people came together one evening and declared their love in front of family and friends. Wasn't that really what marriage was about; the coming together of two people so in love they wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of their lives together? He also saw how happy she was; laughing, sipping champagne, dancing, light seemed to emanate from her entire being, captured forever by Molly Weasley's camera. Seeing these photos, all gathered here on the table, put a patch on the punctured hole that had been deflating his happiness. Slowly, those small feelings of wonder, of happiness, of light and joy were filling the worn down and beat up balloon, making him feel lighter.

"Can we talk for a moment?" he said after a while, looking over to his wife.

"Of course," she said and excused themselves from the two girls. He led her outside towards the back of the house. The sun was nearly gone beyond the horizon, the once cloudy miserable day seemed to dissipate through the warm golden rays of last light. Lightning bugs were glowing as Remus led her away from the group gathering outside, talking loudly to one another, the excitement of a mission in the air.

"What was it you wanted-" she started, but could not complete her sentence because his mouth had enveloped her own, kissing her against the Weasley's home with wild abandonment. Pulling her tighter into his kiss, he tried to convey everything he was feeling: his desire, his worry, his passion, his love, everything into his kiss. She was all too eager to respond to his touch, sparking the fire between them. They only parted when Tonks gasped for air. "Remus," she said breathlessly, her eyes wide with surprise and excitement.

"I love you so much," he said, equally as breathless. He dipped his head back down to start kissing her neck.

"Where was this –ohh- where was this last night?" she asked, tilting her head back further giving him more access to the sensitive spots on her throat. "I mean, we're about to -oh my- we're about to leave…" she said, a small moan escaping her lips as Remus brought a hand to gently cup her breast.

And as though in answer to her protest a deep voice rang out, "Where did Tonks and Lupin get off to?" Tonks looked at Remus, her eyes wide with surprise as though they had just been discovered.

"We should get going," said Remus disappointed.

"They can wait a few more minutes…" she said, playfully pulling on his belt buckle.

"The last thing I need is for Mad-Eye to come looking for us and finding us like this," Remus said. "I don't even want to know the kinds of hexes he might aim at, certain areas..."

"Or what would come out of his mouth, worse than a sailor he is when he gets all riled up…" Tonks muttered. "Alright, alright, let's get going. But Mister Moony, it was good to see you again. It's been far too long."

He grinned saying, "He sends his apologizes and that he'll certainly have to make it up to you later." The sun had begun to set as they made for the front of the yard. There was a cool breeze playing against Remus' face, and he felt so peaceful in that moment, being in nature, the last rays of sun warming his skin, the woman he loved so close to him. But seeing everyone gathered close together, brooms in hand, two thestrals pawing at the ground nervous from the palpable anticipation in the air, Remus started to feel his own anxieties creeping back into his conscious thought and he couldn't help but be shocked when he saw Sirius' old motorbike.

It had been nearly sixteen years since Remus saw it last, although Sirius had been driving it so it was more like he saw a blur than the bike itself. He knew Hagrid had it, knew Sirius gave it to him when he had gone to Godrics Hollow, but there was something about seeing it here in the Weasley's front yard that made Remus feel lonesome._ Sirius should be here, helping with the mission, driving the bike himself, _he thought sadly. By the look of it, it had gone through some modifications to support Hagrid's extra weight.

"There you two are!" Mad-Eye said, giving them a disapproving look. "We were about to leave without you."

"Mad-Eye," Tonks said exasperatedly, "we're not late, in fact we have seven minutes before you wanted us to leave." She pointed at her watch.

"I don't need any of your lip tonight Nymphadora, not when we have a mission of this magnitude ahead." Moody growled. Tonks just rolled her eyes. "Right, everyone," Moody said, addressing the group as a whole, "you know where you're headed. Stay in formation until we get to Potter's house. After that, we'll fly together as a group, and once we've reached a safe altitude I'll give the signal and each pair will head off to their own destinations. I don't need to remind you of the consequences should this mission fail tonight. Stick to your schedules, and be at your Portkeys on time. They'll be no dawdling," he emphasized, his magical eye fixed rather creepily on Tonks who looked a little frightened. "If all goes well, we will all be back at the Burrow by 22:19. Mount your brooms!" There was the hurried frenzy as partners started climbing on brooms, thestrals and Hagrid roared the motorbike into life. Mrs. Weasley was going around kissing her husband and sons, Ginny doing likewise to her brothers, and Molly even came to give Tonks and Lupin a hug goodbye, before waving her handkerchief tearfully at them all.

"After you sir," George said, giving Remus a great bow as he handed over his broom.

"You sure you don't want to steer this time around?" Remus asked.

"Nah, I'll just be taking it easy the entire trip." George said. "It will be a like having a chauffeur. You do remember how to ride a broom, don't you? I know you keep telling everyone how old you are, so I'll have none of your senile tendencies."

Remus laughed heartily, making Tonks, who was next to them with Ron on her broom, look around to stare at him, a smirk on her face. Remus mounted the broom easily. "Senile, am I?"

"You're the one who claimed to be too old, too poor, and too dangerous," George said climbing on behind him, holding onto the handle as both of them hovered a few inches off the ground.

"Will no one let me forget that?" he said, exasperation in his laughter.

"Never," George and Tonks said in unison.

"Ready everyone?" Moody shouted, Mungdungus behind him looking as though he was far from ready. "On my count, three, two, one!" There was an explosion of sound as brooms, thestrals and one raucous motorbike started climbing through the midsummer sky. Remus watched as the world below him became smaller and smaller and the forms of Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were left far behind. It had been so long since he had been on a broom, finding he had no need for one when he was so efficient at Apparating. But it was a glorious feeling, the wind lapping at his face while racing against the last rays of sunlight.

"So, what we're you and Tonks up to?" George called in his ear.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, looking back at him. George had a very mischievous smile on his face.

"You leave to some unknown location, and come back looking all disheveled?" George said. "Not exactly the proper behavior for a professor, professor."

"I am no longer a professor and therefore I have no reason to abide by the stereotype." Remus said. "Besides, formerly as Mister Moony, I have no problem with anything Tonks and I did or did not do."

George laughed. "There are days I forget you were part of that illustrious gang of miscreants."

"Gang of miscreants indeed," Remus said, swerving his broom to the left to keep pace with the others. "From what I've heard, you and your brother have profited from our misdeeds."

"That we had Mister Moony, that we had." George said nodding. "But I assume the Marauders would have approved of our giving young Mr. Potter the fruits of your labor?"

"I certainly know Mister Padfoot had agreed whole heartedly when I told him Harry had the map. Mister Prongs, however, was becoming a diligent father and would have had some reservations on his son having so devious an instrument."

"And Mister Moony?" George asked.

"Well, it was Mister Moony who gave Harry the map back after I confiscated it. Professor Lupin has been having his doubts ever since, especially hearing how much trouble the boy had been getting into at Hogwarts."

"No doubt Mrs. Lupin approves of the map?"

"Mrs. Lupin approves of mischief making of any kind, much to the chagrin of Mr. Lupin. And George, we need to stop talking in the third person like this is, it's giving Professor Lupin a bit of a headache."

George laughed. "Well, it's you who has to deal with the multiple personalities, not George. It certainly would make George's head spin having to keep them all straight."

The night air was whipping Remus' face, giving him the unique pleasure that came from riding a broom. He thought back to the last time he was on a broom… probably when he was at Hogwarts, was it that long ago? But even with the blissful feeling of being back on a broomstick, his stomach was doing summersaults. His mind was wandering, and all he could think about was the possibility of the plan going awry and he would lose Harry or Tonks, or anyone in the Order for that matter. But he resolutely, stubbornly, held onto to those happy feelings. He watched Tonks and Ron zoom past him laughing, Ron looking both excited and scared by their speed. "Catch up slow poke!" she said, looking behind at Remus.

"Yeah, come on gramps, let's get a move on!" George said laughing. Remus grinned, and urged the broom to move faster but heard quite distinctly-

"Nymphadora!" Moody shouted from his own broom, Mungdungus covering his ears from Mad-Eye's bellowing. "This is not a time for games! Get back in formation!" Remus watched Tonks give Moody a two-finger salute when she thought he wasn't looking before slowing down to move back into position. "I saw that! You'll be getting a week's worth of paperwork for that!"

Before long, Moody signaled they were approaching their destination and they started making their decent into Little Whinging, and finally onto Privet Drive.

Those on brooms landed, Tonks making it to the ground with a stumble, Ron holding on for dear life, the thestrals breathing heavily and Hagrid's motorbike roaring to a halt.

"Alright, everyone inside before we're spotted." Moody said, moving the rest of the Order quickly inside Number Four. They all quickly clamored into house, greeted happily by Harry. They pushed their way through the narrow hallway until they had all congregated into the kitchen and sitting room. Tonks jumped on top of the washing machine, swinging her legs happily. Remus was struck by just how cheerful and excited she seemed to be, her bright pink hair mirroring the pink of her windswept cheeks. All Remus could feel was an overwhelming sense of foreboding, as though as though this whole situation was riddled with mistakes.

"Harry," Remus said holding out his hand for the young man to shake, but Harry pulled him by his outstretched hand into a hug.

"It's good to see you," Harry said kindly, looking to Remus.

"And you," said Remus. He could see the anxiety on his face, could see the same forced aged look Hermione had and Remus was momentarily surprised that a man, not a boy, stood before him. A man so similar in appearance to one long dead it was eerie.

"Harry, guess what?" she said, showing off the wedding ring on her left hand.

"You got married?" Harry shouted happily, looking at her and then to Remus, who gave him a small smile.

"We really wanted you to be there, Harry," Remus said sadly.

"But we had to keep it really quiet, and Mad-Eye was being a big wanker about the idea of trying to move you any sooner." Tonks added.

Harry started to offer his congratulations but Moody interrupted with his gruff voice, and the room fell silent. Moody began to explain the plan to Harry, who after much explanation and complaining, reluctantly agreed to give some of his hair for the Polyjuice Potion. Remus understood Harry's hesitation, but there really was no other alternative. Watching Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Fleur all line up to receive their own dose, Remus thought something was amiss.

"We're one short," he said, double counting, wondering who was missing. Hagrid found the culprit; Mundungus Fletcher, still worried about the plan he had so confidently come up with, did not want to take the potion.

"I've toldja, I'd sooner be a protector," Mundungus said sounding nervous, his eyes shifting around the room for some kind of support on this matter, but Moody's growl scared him into consenting. But something Moody said planted fear into Remus' mind. _"It'll be the protectors who have got the most to worry about, as the Death Eaters will want to kill them."_ Remus started having second thoughts. Not for himself, but for Tonks.

"Dora," he said quietly, turning around to look at her, still sitting on top of the washer. Taking hold of her hands, he said, "I don't know about this anymore." He looked around quickly, not quite believing his eyes as seven Harry Potters all starting to change into identical sets of clothes. Shaking his head in disbelief, he turned back to her.

"What do you mean, you don't know about this?" she asked.

"If there are Death Eaters tonight, Mad-Eye is right, they're going to go after the protectors, not the Harrys. Dora-"

"Mad-Eye is being Mad-Eye Remus." She said raising an eyebrow at him in her typical manner when she thought he was being ridiculous. "He's always overly protective and overly cautious. We'll be fine. This is what I do; this is when the fun begins. Besides, they think we're moving him in a few days. And even if they know about the date, they'll never know which Harry is the right Harry. The risks are minimal."

"Nymphadora, if something happens to you-"

"I'll be fine. Both of us." She said, putting a hand to her flat stomach, giving him a knowing smile and kissed his worried mouth. It did nothing to ease his anxiety. It was then they both heard Moody assigning Harrys to protectors and Remus walked back over to stand with George, at least he thought it was George as now seven people all looked alike, and Tonks went to stand with a still hesitant Ron.

"I make it three minutes until we're supposed to leave." Moody said, looking down at his pocket watch. The pairs of Harrys and protectors walked out into the crisp clear night. "All right then," Moody said. "Everyone ready? I want us all to leave at exactly the same time, so don't take off until I've given the signal." Remus mounted his broom, George climbing on behind him. He watched as Harry, the real Harry, climb in along side Hagrid on Sirius' motorbike, looking determined and ready, and Remus silently hoped to see the boy again, that the scheme so carefully concocted and executed would go according to plan, as Tonks had insisted it would.

He looked over to Tonks, next to him on her own broom who was saying to Ron/Harry, "We're going to be going faster to make it on time for the Portkey, so you'd better hold tight Ron." Ron/Harry gave Remus a nervous, guilty sort of look before wrapping his hands around her waist. Remus could have laughed at the absurdity of the situation, in spite of the nervousness building inside of him.

"Looks like you might have some competition, Remus." George/Harry said behind him. "It's the Weasley gene. The ladies just can't get enough."

Remus grinned, and was about to give a smart retort but-

"Good luck, everyone," shouted Moody. "See you all in about an hour at the Burrow. On my signal: three, two, ONE!" Remus gave Tonks one last look, which she returned with a smile, before kicking hard off from ground. Climbing higher and higher, staying with the rest of the Order, Remus saw as the top of the houses growing smaller and smaller. The lights from the town slowly started to dim as they rushed into the night sky, the stars doing their best to light their way through the clouds, as the dim glow from the waxing moon was hidden from view, but everything was dark and eerie around them, the light from the town no longer visible. Remus' eyes were starting to sting from the whipping wind against his face, but the group kept climber higher and faster, but he stayed close as he was told.

But even through their accelerated speed and the mist of tears that formed in Remus' eyes, there was no mistaking the large mass of cloaked figures ahead...

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><p><strong>an:** so he's trying, _really_ trying hard to be happy for the baby, but with the things he has seen and lived through its hard. and now with them flying into danger, we'll see how long his resolve will hold out.

i look to canon for clues, but i would like to note that so far as i am aware, there is no magical affairs department, but i feel as though someone at the ministry has to be keeping a record of births, deaths, and marriages (and by that count divorces) as someone clearly goes through the wills left behind when people die.

**MASSIVE** thank yous to everyone who has reviewed this story or added it as a favorite! please know that i read each and every single one of them and really take to heart what you have to say and appreciate you guys more than you know! we're approaching very soon the heart of this story and the breaking point to see if love can really conquer all, so please, continue to read! i recently broke my foot and have been spending a lot more time at home, and when i'm not on painkillers, i'm writing! so hopefully i'll be getting chapters out a lot faster.

please review and i'll be sure to continue to post! thanks! l.c.d.p.


	16. Casualty of Minimal Risk

**a/n: **the harry potter universe and the characters within are the property of jk rowling and warner brothers. no copyright infringement is intended as this story is written all as a bit of fun for myself and hopefully to you, the reader. in keeping within canon, this chapter was inspired by the events of chapters four and five of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, ("The Seven Potters" and "Fallen Warrior", respectively). no plagiarism is meant as i acknowledge this ideas came from the master herself, ms. rowling. m rating for adult situations, strong language, and mild violence. as always, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter Sixteen: The Casualty of Minimal Risk<strong>

It didn't take more than a blink of an eye for the massive group of Death Eaters to spot the group of Order members, and it took just Remus just a brief moment for the realization that they had been compromised to consume him. He heard a scream before shooting sharply up, into the sky, trying to avoid the mass of spells heading in all directions, aiming to maim, hex and kill them all.

"Quick!" He yelled at George. "You need to look out if any come behind us! Hit them with anything you got!" Pulling out his wand Remus started shooting off hexes, aiming for the mass of Death Eaters ahead of him, but flying and steering with one hand, and aiming dark curses with his wand in the other made for poor marksmanship. So Remus tried to outmaneuver them. "Hold on!" He told George, before making a steep dive as three hooded and masked figures started flying toward them in a tight V formation. Pulling sharply up he swerved in and out of two other Death Eaters, as curses were shot in all directions missing both he and George by inches.

Willing the broom to move faster, he tried to head south bound towards the safe house but a Death Eater appeared, flying alongside them. Remus shot a quick stunning spell before the Death Eater could open his mouth. The Death Eater, his mask falling off his face, was frozen in fear, as his dark robes where whipping around him as he plunged to the ground far below.

"Nice one Lupin!" George said, throwing a curse over Remus' right shoulder hitting a Death Eater with a stinging jinx. The Death Eater cried out in pain and diverted his path away from Remus and George. Looking back at George to congratulate him, he saw the three Death Eaters he had tried to out maneuver earlier coming up behind them. Remus tried everything he could think of to trick the tightly formed cluster of Death Eaters away from pursuing them, but they were persistent, following in the same tight formation close behind George.

"Try to see if you can break them up!" Remus shouted at George, as Remus moved the broom sharply to the right, still in the southern direction of their safe house. George tried a fire a hex to the center Death Eater, but the sharp movements on the broom made it hard to land a curse at anyone of them.

"It's difficult with all the moving!" George yelled back to him, failing to land another round of hexes and curses at any one of them, as the center Death Eater seemed to be rather proficient at protective spells.

Then a voice rang out from the skilled center Death Eater, commanding the others, making Remus' blood turn ice cold. "Remember, don't kill Potter, we don't know if this is the right one!" The voice was undeniably that of Severus Snape. Remus turned quickly back to see if his ears had deceived him, but George recognized it as well. Remus, rage making his blood pump harder, shot towards the ground, trying to outmaneuver Snape, to get behind the tightly knit cluster of them so he and George could have the advantage. But Snape and his fellow Death Eaters were clever, and mirrored Remus' movements with every dip and dive Remus could think of. He looked back to the cluster and he and George both saw the night's wind remove Snape's hood from his head. His broom slowed, watching his mask fall to the earth below, the two other Death Eaters flanking him were now taking the lead. But he returned his attention the pair in front of him, his sallow face was contorted with malicious glee, as he and Remus made eye contact. Anger blurring his vision, making his heart feel as though it might leap out of his chest, Remus raised his wand to try and aim the killing curse at Snape, to hurt Snape as much as possible, unaware of the other Death Eater aiming his wand for Remus. Snape was quicker than them all.

"Sectumsempra!" Snape yelled.

"George, duck!" Remus shouted, casting in vain _Protego_. It was too late. Blood seemed to be coming from every direction, covering his and George's faces, blinding Remus as the broom was quickly spinning out of control and losing altitude.

"It's not Potter, find the others!" Snape shouted to his followers and the three of them disappeared from view, thinking their targets had been eliminated.

Pulling the broom out of its dive towards the ground below, Remus regained control of the situation, realizing it was George, not himself that was bleeding.

Holding tightly between his legs the broomstick, wobbling trying to steady himself to try and free his hands to hold onto George's unconscious form, it took all of Remus' strength to keep George from falling off, as well as keeping the broom in the air. Maneuvering the broom, his wand, and holding George in his seat, Remus was grateful that for a full three minutes, not a single Death Eater came after them. Remus looked at George, who still disturbingly had Harry's appearance, glasses gone, his face deadly pale, blood coming in a steady stream from the side of his face.

Holding so many things at the same time was proving more difficult than Remus had anticipated, so he slipped his wand into his sleeve and tried using wandless magic. Muttering the first healing spell he thought of, he tried to stop the flow of blood. It ebbed in its intensity, but did not stop it completely. He needed to land, to examine him properly. If only he had essence of dittany. The broom started to shake as Remus' concentration was no longer on flying but on helping George. He took the broom handle with one hand while still keeping George's body on the broom, which had started sliding sideways. George's body had become dead weight, and Remus didn't know how much longer his _own_ body would allow him to hold onto it. All of the muscles in his arm were aching, protesting under the effort that was needed in keeping them both aloft. Suddenly, two more Death Eaters appeared. Full of fear and rage, Remus roared, "_Confringo_!" and an enormous jet of red light blasted from the wand in his sleeve taking both of the hooded men by surprise, sending them clear out of the night sky. But the jet of fire had very foolishly singed Remus' arm and part of his hand, and he could feel the skin started to blister painfully. But all thought of his own pain was diminished seeing how lifeless Harry/George looked.

Urging the broom to move faster toward their destination, Remus knew he only had a mile or so before he was safe inside the protective enchantments, George's lifeless body deathly pale and covered almost completely in blood. He urged the broom to go faster, but it was all the worn out broom could handle as the weight of two riders kept it from its full potential. _Faster_, he thought, seeing Kingsley's house on the horizon, _faster_! Finally, miraculously, they crossed the barrier into Kingsley Shacklebolt's yard, Remus tried as carefully as he could to land the broom, but it was rough, jerking George sharply so that the wound began to bleed with a renewed intensity. Dismounting, and breathing heavily, he tried to pick up George's limp form to take him inside, but found it the same dead weight he had struggled with on the broom. Knowing they were not in the most idyllic of places to begin healing spells, Remus began in earnest to try to mend the wound in the grass.

Severus Snape was known at school for his use of Sectumsempra spell, and Remus was not surprised to see Snape use it again tonight. Remus felt for a pulse. It was there, but it was faint. Summoning bluebell flames, he took his wand from his sleeve, brushing past his burned flesh as he did so, and saw the extent of George's damage in the ghostly blue light. Blood was everywhere, and Remus only then realized his shirt was covered in it. But his concern was not focused on his vanity, as he tried the spell _Vulnera Sanentur_, which seemed to ebb the severity of the bleeding. _He needs a blood-replenishing potion_, Remus thought, thinking wildly of leaving George here while he searched Kingsley's house for some. But he knew that he should not leave his side when he used _Tergeo_, to clear away some of the dried blood: a dark hole, still trickling red, was where George's ear used to be. Having a Dark Curse blast away an ear, Remus knew he could never re-grow it back, and the fact George still resembled Harry added to Remus' grief and anxiety. George, still terribly pale from the loss of blood, moaned a little much to Remus' relief.

"George?" Remus asked adamantly.

"Whappened?" George mumbled.

"You were hit by a curse, you've lost a great deal of blood. We're back at Kingsley's, and we have about," he looked down at his blood stained watch, "eleven minutes until the Portkey leaves. Do you think you can try to stand so we can get you inside?"

"I think so," George said weakly. Remus helped the poor man to his feet, and half dragging, half carrying him along, they finally we able to get inside. Remus helped George down onto the couch, and Remus rushed about through Kingsley's house wildly tearing open cupboards and pantries to find something that would help George. He found the Portkey, an innocent copper pot, but could not find anything that might aid George, and it was too late to try and brew anything. "_Accio_ blood-replenishing potion!" he called out, but nothing happened. Frustrated by the Auror's lack of first aid supplies, he grabbed a clean towel from the kitchen and brought the Portkey back to where George was lying down. He started dabbing gently at his face, Harry's face, his shame in not being able to help him more and his own incompetence at countering Snape's curse was bringing him to the brink of tears.

George groaned again, only this time with pain, as Remus came close to the area where George's ear used to be.

"I've done all I can think of George, but I'm sorry to tell you that your ear is gone."

"My ear?" he asked confused, his voice weak, reaching a shaking hand up to touch the spot where his ear used to be.

"I wouldn't touch it!" Remus warned. "That is a cursed wound, and though it will never heal fully, I would let it be." George nodded once before sliding into unconsciousness again. Worried, Remus felt for his vitals. Still weak, but still alive.

Remus took a moment to breathe, still holding onto George's wrist for any sign of change, for the better or the worse. It was only then did the full realization of what had transpired hit him. Nymphadora was still out there, and Remus had no way of knowing if she was all right. She was supposed to be one of the first to be back at the Burrow and Remus could only hope to find her waiting there when he and George returned. Remus stood up and started to pace, wanting something he could do, something to distract him from the panic and worry and dread that was boiling inside his stomach.

_Four minutes fifty-two seconds…_ Who betrayed them? It must have been someone in the Order, no one else knew of the plan to move Harry tonight. Although, the Death Eaters were taken by surprise that there had been more than one Harry. At least that part of the plan had not leaked out. Harry… poor Harry, where was he at this moment? Was Hagrid's protection enough to keep him from any harm? _Harry should be back at the Burrow now_, Remus thought, checking his watch. He and George still had another three and a half minutes, which passed for what seemed like a lifetime. But George's face kept getting paler, too dangerously pale, and Remus thought of Apparating them back to the Burrow instead of waiting for the damn Portkey. But he remembered the protective enchantments, knew he would have to move George outside the perimeter if he was to Apparate them anywhere, and he knew better than to move him anywhere. So they waited.

_Two and three quarter minutes…_ Remus racked his brain for any information, any clue, any clearer understanding that might have led him to the wrong conclusion about someone in the Order. He could not think of anything and decided therefore to interrogate the members when he saw them again. If he saw them again...

_One minute twenty-three seconds… Oh Merlin's beard, she was still out there_. He had warned her not to do this, warned her not to come. But she had been so confident nothing would happen, that Mad-Eye was over reacting, that the risks would be minimal. And what of the baby? If she was jinxed, or made to suffer any of the Unforgiveable Curses… Remus did not want to go down that line of thought. He honestly felt like he might go mad, the waiting was so painful.

_Ten seconds…_ Remus breathed a sigh of relief as the pot began shake and glow mysteriously blue so he reached out George's hand with his own, they were sucked back to the Burrow.

The grass felt soft underfoot, the night sky clearer than it had been when they had left, the stars and moon clearly visible, the slight breeze ruffling his hair. A lovely night for such horrors to take place.

Helping George, now looking like himself again save for the pained expression on his face which was covered in blood once more, to his feet, Remus cried out for someone to help him, dragging George as best he could into the house. But Remus' tall thin frame with his lean muscles were no match for George's healthy one, which was much larger than Harry's. A figure ran out of the Burrow and Remus was relieved to see Harry, or at least what he thought to be the real Harry.

Harry ran forward and grabbed George's legs, helping Remus carry George's stocky body into the house, laying him down on a sofa in the sitting room.

"Georgie!" Mrs. Weasley called out.

"Cursed Molly," Remus said quickly, watching Mrs. Weasley take over mending her son as best she could, "his going to need a blood-replenishing potion immediately."

"Of course," Mrs. Weasley said, her face devoid of tears, looking fierce as she quickly summoned a large bottle to appear from the kitchen. Unstoppering it, Remus helped her open George's mouth as she forced some of the liquid down his throat. Remus was aware of Harry watching him, was still aware of the fact that the Order had just been betrayed, his anger the largest reminder of the fact, but he felt some relief as George's face seemed to regain some color. But he remained unconscious, looking horrible, his face covered in blood, the source the dark hole on the side of his face. As soon as Remus was confident George was in good hands, he grabbed Harry, leading him back to the kitchen where Hagrid gave a shout of protest, but Remus ignored him, his anger making his reason and civility leave his good sense completely.

"What creature was sat in the corner the first time that Harry Potter ever visited my office at Hogwarts?" he shouted pointing his wand at Harry's throat.

"A- a grindylow?" Harry said, looking alarmed, his eyes wide with panic.

It was true; this was the real Harry. He gave a great sigh of relief and fell back against one of the kitchen cupboards. He ran a hand through his hair before saying, "I'm sorry Harry, but I had to check. Voldemort knew that you were being moved tonight. You might have been an impostor." Looking around the kitchen he saw only Hagrid, Harry and himself were back. Arthur and Fred, who were supposed to arrive after Tonks and Ron, were not back either. _She was still out there..._

"We can't have been betrayed. I don't think anyone from the Order would have told Voldemort the plan," said Harry, and Remus felt sorry for the boy's naïveté, "because if he'd been in it, he'd have known right away I was with Hagrid. He only caught up with us towards the end."

Alarmed, Remus asked, "Voldemort caught up with you? What happened?" Standing up, he began his pacing around the kitchen. Harry began to explain what had happened and how the Death Eaters recognized _him_ as the true Harry. Remus was only taking in some of what he was saying. Head in his hands, as though the weight of all that had happened tonight might simply consume him, Remus' worry and panic evolved unexpectedly beyond anger into rage. After Harry was done with his explanation, Remus, still stunned over the entire night's events, asked how the Death Eaters could tell he was the real Harry. However, Harry's answer left him even more taken aback.

"I disarmed Stan Shunpike," Harry said, seeing nothing wrong with his action.

"Harry, the time for disarming is over! These people are trying to _kill_ you! At least stun if you aren't prepared to kill!" Could the boy really be this ignorant? Had Dumbledore taught him nothing? Hadn't Peter's betrayal shown him what even so-called 'friends' could do to one another? This was madness!

"We were hundreds of feet up! Stan's not himself, and if I stunned him, he would have fallen and died. _Expelliarmus_ saved me from Voldemort two years ago." He sounded defiant, as though willing Remus to argue with him, which in his current state of panic and unrest, Remus was all too willing. But he took a deep breath to steady his voice.

"Yes, Harry and a number of Death Eaters saw you do that! It was a very unusual move then, and repeating it tonight in front of Death Eaters was close to suicidal!"

"So you think I should have killed Stan Shunpike?" Harry was getting angry, matching the temper Remus was feeling.

Remus was doing everything in his power to keep his voice even but his panic was making him testy and on edge, and it was coming through despite his efforts. "Harry, most people would have expected you to attack, to defend yourself properly! _Expelliarmus_ is a useful spell, but the Death Eaters seem to think it is your signature move, and I urge you not to let it become so."

He could not believe Harry could have been so blind. Surely, throughout his years at Hogwarts they had taught him _proper_ Defense Against the Dark Arts. Students had always told Remus that he was the best Defense teacher they ever had. Remus thought it was just kindness, something politely said to all the teachers, like how a child claims favor of one parent over another when they love them both equally. But could it really have been true? Remus knew from his own time at Hogwarts the shambolic nature having a new Defense teacher every year could be, but at least he felt he had been given a proper education. Wasn't Dumbledore supposed to be helping the boy? Wasn't he preparing him for nights like tonight? Remus found his anger quite unexpectedly directed towards Dumbledore.

Remus watched as Hagrid finally made his way into the kitchen, sitting down in one of the chairs before it splintered and smashed under his weight. Over Hagrid's apologies, he could hear a scuffling from outside. Running as fast as he could to the back door, Remus flung it open to see where two figures, one large and one small were dismounting from a thestral. It wasn't Dora. Running out, wand at the ready, in the light cast from the open kitchen door, he saw a very shaky Hermione and a startlingly angry Kingsley. Pointing his wand at latter, who in turn did the same, Kingsley spoke slowly. "The last words Albus Dumbledore spoke to the pair of us?"

"'_Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him._'" Remus answered easily. Kingsley then turned his wand on Harry but Remus stopped him. "I've checked! It's him."

"All right, all right!" said Kingsley, putting his wand away. The cool manner Kingsley exuded was completely gone and Remus had never seen him so flustered and angry. "But somebody has betrayed us! They knew it was tonight!"

"I know, but apparently they did not realize that there would be seven Harrys," said Remus, but it was little comfort. So many should have been back by now, and Remus was starting to fear the worst. _She should be here by now… _looking down at his watch he saw the Portkey that was to take them back, was lying innocently in the grass near by, its companions for the journey never there to receive it._ It's been thirteen minutes since she should have been back…_

"Who else is back?" snarled Kingsley.

"Only Harry, Hagrid, George and… me." Even in his anger, Kingsley managed to give Remus a sad sort of look, suddenly aware of Remus' panic over the very noticeably absent Tonks. He didn't need Kingsley's worry mounted on top of his own, so quickly added, "What happened to you two?"

"Followed by five, injured two, might've killed one and we saw You-Know-Who as well. He joined the chase halfway through but vanished pretty quickly. Remus, he can-"

"Fly." Harry finished the sentence for him. Harry explained how Voldemort came flying alongside the motorbike before they ultimately got away by the protections place around the Tonks' home. _Fly?_ Remus thought wildly. This was _all_ that they needed.

_Sixteen minutes…_

"So that's why he left, to follow you!" Kinglsey said wildly to Harry after the boy was done explaining. "I couldn't understand why he'd vanished. But what made him change target?"

"Harry behaved a little too kindly to Stan Shunpike," said Remus, who did not want to further the boy's humiliation of how his true identity was discovered from something as trivial as a disarming spell, but perhaps it was best for him to find fault in his actions. They would not save him again in the future.

"Stan?" repeated Hermione. "But I thought he was in Azkaban?"

Kingsley let out a cold laugh. Kingsley's cool calm demeanor was always a source of comfort for Remus, much like Dumbledore, was completely lost to all of them, and he saw even Hermione look a little taken aback. This was a side of Kingsley Remus had never seen before. It was frightening, and contagious, because Remus felt his own frenzied anger and stress reaching a fevered pitch inside himself.

"Hermione, there's obviously been a mass breakout which the Ministry has hushed up. Travers' hood fell off and he's supposed to be inside too, caught from the raid two weeks ago. But what happened to you, Remus? Where's George?"

"He lost an ear," Remus said sadly.

"Lost an-?" repeated Hermione in a high voice.

"Snape's work." Remus said, bitterness in his voice. If only he had been quicker, if only he had spotted Snape sooner. There were so many things he wished he could do to Snape_. An eye for an eye, _he had heard Snape say once. Well, what he had planned for Snape would involve more than him just losing an ear...

"Snape?" Harry shouted. "You didn't say-"

"He lost his mask during the chase. I wish I could say I'd paid him back in kind, but it was all I could do to keep George on the broom after he was injured… he was losing so much blood." Remorse, regret, fears all seem to mix within Remus and it took every ounce of strength he had not to break down in front of them all. Looking up at the night sky, the stars gleamed brightly; a beautiful night mocked his worry. He heard through the mist of his reverie someone call out to Harry, who turned and headed back into the house. Remus seemed rooted to the spot, staring, waiting for someone he knew would not return. Just then they heard the distinct rustling of grass and Remus ran over to where Arthur and Fred dismounted their broom.

_Twenty-four minutes…_

"Arthur," Remus began. "George has been injured, I'm so-" He wanted to apologize, to tell him he wished there was more he could have done, but Mr. Weasley's face paled and he ran towards the house, Fred following quickly behind. Kingsley ran after him, his wand pointed to Mr. Weasley's back, wanting him to declare who he was but Mr. Weasley shouted with an unnatural anger, "I'll prove who I am, Kingsley after I've seen my son!" Kingsley stood stunned for a moment, but backed away all the same.

"Ron should have been back by now," Remus heard Hermione say quietly. "You don't think something happened to them?" Remus looked over to the clever girl her face just as scared and worried as Remus felt. He really didn't know how to respond.

_Twenty-six minutes… _

Yes, he did think something had happened to them but he did not want to worry the girl anymore and so said, "He's with… Nymphadora, Hermione. He'll be fine." Remus said.

"She _is_ an Auror, she _would_ protect him," Hermione said, sounding a little more confident, but looked nonetheless worried. "I'm sure she's alright, Prof- I mean, Remus," she added, perhaps seeing Remus' face, which was working hard not to cry. "She's really brave, and smart, and… she'll be back."

He couldn't speak for fear he would lose control, so said nothing, just nodded his head once and returned to looking at the night sky.

_Twenty-nine minutes…_

Remus was not really conscious of the small group that gathered around him, as he would only move his head away from the sky to look down at his watch, ticking away the minutes until the unavoidable conclusion was to be gathered: she and Ron must be dead. Yet they remained here, stubbornly perhaps, looking and listening for something that might give them some hope. He had been a fool. It had been all too much, his happiness, his marriage, his child… He was supposed to be alone, he was supposed to be miserable, living in the squalor _his_ kind attracted. He had deluded himself into thinking everything would be fine, that he was overreacting like she said he was. She had _convinced_ him that this plan was safe, that Mad-Eye had been overreacting as usual, that there would be minimal risk. She sounded so sure. But here he was, standing in an open field, waiting for someone he knew was not going to return.

_Thirty-two minutes… _

How could he have fallen so quickly back in love with her? Why hadn't he tried to slow down their relationship, let it mature before taking such huge steps forward? He had tried, he reminded himself, tried to ease back into it, but she had made him feel foolish that moving in together, getting married, having a baby, it was all part of the natural course their relationship would have taken _eventually_, and what was the point in waiting months for the inevitable? But them taking the time to slow down, to wait, to plan would have saved him so much anguish. Yet he knew the waiting to move forward would have been painful, would have tortured him, as the waiting now broke his heart with every minute that ticked by. No, he could not blame her for the way they had sped up their relationship. _He_ had wanted her to live with him, to love him, to marry him, just as badly as she did. Wasn't it _he_ who had proposed? Wasn't it _he_ who said he couldn't wait any longer, that he wanted to elope with her as soon as possible?

_Thirty-nine minutes…_

All was still and quiet until-

A broom materialized directly above them and headed towards the ground. Hermione gave a squeal of joy and the group ran towards where Tonks had skidded to a landing.

"Remus!" she shouted, dismounting her broom before running into his arms. Mechanically, his arms wrapped around her, as she held onto him as though her life was depending on it, and Remus felt something snap within himself. The relief he felt in having her in his arms was nothing compared to the anger he was feeling. He didn't know where it had come from or to whom it was directed towards, but he felt like shouting, like screaming, like hurting something. It was as though he had been building himself up for the fact she was never to return, and then having her here, safe in his arms, he did not know how to feel or react.

It was as though he had been cheated out of a lifetime of misery, and it made him angry.

"What kept you? What happened?" he demanded from her, the anger he was feeling bubbling to the surface. She flinched at his sharp tone but he ignored it.

"Bellatrix," Tonks said, a worried expression pained her face as she looked at him. "She wants me dead quite as much as she wants Harry, Remus, and she tried to do just that tonight. Bloody well couldn't leave us alone. But we managed to escape, especially with Ron's help! Then when we finally got to Muriel's house, we had already missed our Portkey and she making such a fuss over us –"

A muscle seemed to be pulsating in his jaw, clamping it quite shut. He nodded, and could not seem to say anything else. How could he not have foreseen this? Of course Bellatrix would have come after her, of course she would want Nymphadora dead. He was so stupid to think that she could have accompanied them tonight, to go on this mission. He wanted to question her further about her aunt, but Tonks was looking around to all the others asking for them for their accounts this evening.

Remus didn't hear the explanations of the others. All he could think about was the woman before him, who looked windswept, her cheeks as pink as her hair, listening to the others with what seemed like crazed excitement. He had convinced himself that she was dead, convinced himself that he was to be alone once more. But here she was, safe, uninjured, and very much alive. He didn't know what to think, what to feel. There was a cacophony of emotions flooding every rational part of his being. Somewhere in the distance he heard Kingsley say, "I'm going to have to get back to Downing Street, I should have been there an hour ago. Let me know when the rest are back." Remus nodded and watched as Kingsley walked beyond the boundaries to Disapparate. He then saw the outlines of Arthur and Molly Weasley, followed closely by Ginny. Remus was worried perhaps George had taken a turn for worse, but they only seemed to worry about was Ron, all three of them hugging him tightly, Ron looking thoroughly embarrassed. "Mum..." he muttered, as she kissed his cheek.

Molly then looked to Remus and Tonks before hugging them each in turn. "Thank you, both of you, for saving our sons."

"Don't be silly Molly," Tonks said just as embarrassed as Ron.

"How's George?" Remus asked, not feeling he was deserving of her appreciation. How could she thank him for bringing back her son maimed and incomplete? How could they be grateful to Remus for bringing him home marked forever by Snape's wickedness?

Just then a thestral soared into sight and landed a few feet away from them all. Bill climbed off the back of the beast to help down Fleur, both of them looking tired, but uninjured. Mrs. Weasley ran over to her eldest son pulling him fiercely into a hug, but Remus could tell something was wrong.

"Mad-Eye's dead." Bill said emotionlessly.

Nobody spoke, nobody dared to move. Remus felt his anger abating slightly, especially when seeing the look of total devastation on Tonks' face. He wrapped a protective arm around her automatically, as she said trembling, "H-how?"

"We saw it just after we broke away from the mass of them waiting for us; Mad-Eye and Dung were close by, they were heading north too. You-Know-Who went straight for them. Dung panicked, Mad-Eye tried to stop him, but Dung Disapparated. Just as he disappeared, You-Know-Who's curse hit Mad-Eye full in the face. H-he fell backward off his broom and… there was nothing we could do, _nothing_, we had half a dozen of them on our own tail-" the young man's voice broke, full of emotion, his fiancée holding him close as tears were steadily making their way down her own beautiful face.

"There was nothing else you could have done Bill, it was chaos." Remus said, trying to console him. Tonks, as though the news was being processed in waves, slowly started to cry, building up to a quiet storm inside herself. She turned her body into Remus' so that the rest of the group could not see her tears, but Remus could feel the warm wet teardrops through his already blood soaked shirt. He held her more tightly as he could feel how she was trying to contain all the sorrow she was feeling, embarrassed that anyone should see her like this, to see her so vulnerable and exposed. They fell silent once more, only the sounds of stifled sobs and sniffled noses were noises anyone dared to make. This was what Remus feared; that even Alastor Moody, the toughest, most complished Auror of the age was not immune when coming face to face with Lord Voldemort. Surely now Tonks would see that continuing her job with the Aurors, or going on missions like these, would be too much of a risk. He thought he had lost her once tonight, he was not going to risk losing her again.

He did not know who initiated the return back inside, but Remus found himself walking with the others, an arm still wrapped around Tonks' shoulders. She was crying steadily now, her body perceivably shaking with emotion. The Burrow was warm and comfortable, a stark contrast to the utter numbness he was feeling, the twins huddled together on the couch talking animatedly, but immediately stopped when seeing the somber group return. Tonks' stifled sobs made Remus reached into his trouser pocket to give her his handkerchief, which she accepted gratefully. Her eyes were already red and swollen, her feelings so evident on her face. Mad-Eye had been like a father to Tonks, encouraging her, making her become a better witch, teasing her, and in his own way, loving her, had even cried at their wedding. It was natural for her to grieve in this manner, but she still looked embarrassed, trying hard to contain her emotions. Remus didn't think he could cry, even if he had wanted to.

He watched Bill walk over to the sideboard and pulled out a bottle of fire-whiskey, pouring it into glasses for each of them. Magically giving everyone a glass, as he raised his own in salute. "Mad-Eye." He said simply.

"Mad-Eye," they all said together. Remus saw Tonks hesitate before taking the smallest of sips from her glass, before it started shaking in her hand, rattling against her wedding ring. She quickly put the glass on the table for fear of bringing too much attention to herself. Remus, however, downed his in one, the burning sensation down his throat continued all the way into his stomach, providing a much needed release from feeling numb.

"So, Mundungus disappeared?" he asked, looking around the room to see if the others were thinking as he was, the whiskey making his subdued anger bubble and rise and knew it wasn't long before it would spill over. Clearly Mundungus had betrayed them, and Remus now had a better candidate he could direct his anger towards.

"I know what you're thinking," said Bill, "and I was wondering that too, on the way back here, because they seemed to be expecting us, didn't they? But Mundungus can't have betrayed us." Remus didn't want to listen to Bill's reasoning. He wanted someone to hate.

"You-Know-Who acted exactly as Mad-Eye expected him too," he heard Tonks say. He looked around to see her pale face, no longer streaked with tears, looking a little more resolute. "Mad-Eye said You-Know-Who would think the real Harry to be with the most skilled Aurors. He chased Mad-Eye first, and when Mundungus gave them away he switched to Kingsley, just like he said…"

They all were silent, and Remus was thinking quickly. It _had_ to have been Mundungus. He was the one who had concocted the plan in the first place and it was Mundungus he trusted least of all in the Order. He looked around the room at all of the other somber faces wondering who out of all of them would be likely to betray them. He heard Harry start to speak.

"If somebody made a mistake, let something slip, I know it couldn't have been done on purpose. I mean, during times like these, we've got to trust each other and I trust all of you."

Remus watched the young man in his earnest and immediately saw James. How alike father and son were, and Remus felt distressed about the fact one never really knew the other. Perhaps had James been here, he would have talked some sense into the boy, made him see how childish he was in his thinking. Trust was a luxury they could not afford, yet Harry clearly had not learned that in times of war the only person you could truly trust was yourself. But if James _were_ here, there never would have been a mission tonight, Mad-Eye would still be alive, and perhaps Voldemort would have already been defeated for good. Or at least, would be after another boy, not Harry Potter. His reaction must have been evident on his face because Harry asked Remus, "You think I'm a fool?"

"No, I think you're like James," Remus said, adding as delicately yet as pointedly as he could, "who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends." James and Lily put their trust into the wrong person, just as Dumbledore had misplaced his trust in Snape, and tonight, the Order had given trust unwisely to… who?

Remus could see the gathering storm within Harry, and as much as he wanted to row with someone, he thought better of it. There were so many matters that needing dealing with and fighting with Harry would not accomplish any of them. He turned instead to Bill. "We should head out. I can always ask Kingsley if you'd rather not-"

"No, no, I'll come, you'll need my help at any rate." Bill said, his face resolute.

"Where are you going?" He heard both Fleur and Tonks say together. He felt Nymphadora's cool hand on his arm and he turned around to face her.

"Mad-Eye's body, we need to recover it." Remus said sadly.

"Can't it- ?" Mrs. Weasley started.

"Wait?" Bill said, finishing his mother's sentence, bitterness in his tone. "Not unless you'd want the Death Eaters to have it."

They were all silent for a moment before Bill turned to his mother and father to say goodbye. He kissed Fleur goodbye, an embarrassingly hearty kiss in front of so many, and walked out the front door, Fleur dabbing gently at the corners of her beautiful eyes.

"I'll see you soon," Remus said quietly, giving Tonks a small kiss on the cheek before he followed Bill out. The two men were quiet, walking quickly towards the edge of the barriers, the only sound between them were the crickets chirping. Remus looked expectantly up to the glittering night sky, as though he was going to see the same hooded mass waiting for them. It was deserted, clear save for the waxing moon and the stars; yet Remus knew it was a matter of time before each of the safe houses tonight would be compromised, watched closely for Order activity, watched closely for Harry Potter. They were almost to the edge of the barrier when they heard-

"Remus, wait!"

Bill was ahead of him, looking back to see who had shouted. "Tonks? Go back inside. We'll be home soon enough."

"Remus," she said catching up with him. "Are you alright? Is something wrong?"

Bill let out a sound of frustration, and walked a little further away so they could have a moment. Remus' anger felt it was on the tipping point, making him grip his wand tightly in his hand, his knuckles turning white. "Something _wrong_? Hmm, besides the fact we clearly have been betrayed, George Weasley is in there mauled, Mad-Eye is dead, and Harry is about as understanding of danger as a three year old, then yes, everything is just bloody well fine!" he shouted.

In the light provided from the open door of the Burrow, Remus could see she looked hurt, shocked by his anger. He sighed and looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to shout."

"Remus!" Bill called out to him impatiently.

"I have to go Dora, go back inside, sit with Molly. We'll be back soon with the body."

"Please be careful, they're probably still out there covering the areas around the safe houses."

"We'll be fine." He said, looking out toward the empty horizon.

Soft lips touched his cheek, so close to his lips. "I love you," she said.

"I- I'll see you soon." He said, walking away from her. He ran to catch up with Bill. The night air was cool against his skin leaving gooseflesh covering his exposed skin, making him shiver; although, it might have been anger surging through every vein in his body that was causing him to shake in such a manner. He hadn't meant to yell at her, didn't mean to cause her such alarm, but he simple could not help his exasperation in that moment. He was tired of always being the calm, rational, saintly professor. He wished he could lash out, scream, yell, get angry, but he feared if people saw him get that upset, they would associate such madness with what he was, and he could not bare to see those he cared about to turn away from him, finally seeing the monster within, the shadow of the wolf in his eyes. So he remained calm, tried to steady his anger with focused deep breathing. But there were times he could not control the beast within. _We all have demons inside ourselves making us prone to violence_, Caliban had told him. Remus no longer seemed to be the exception.

"We'll head out to the spot I saw him fall," Bill said. "Side along Apparation?"

Remus nodded, taking Bill's hand. Instantly they were taken to a clearing, landing on what appeared to the mound of a cricket pitch. They had landed somewhere between a Muggle town and a dense population of trees, the lights from the sleepy town behind them dimly lit the field in front, while making the woods eerily dark and ominous.

"This I believe was the town we were closest to when I saw his body fall. We were headed north, but I don't know where exactly his body landed. Should we split up?" Bill asked, indicating the town and the woods.

"No, it would be best to have some extra eyes and ears, especially if the Death Eaters are here. They're probably are still hanging about, no doubt doing the same thing we are. We should try the woods as he clearly didn't land here in the field."

"You don't think he landed in the town somewhere?"

"If he had, there would be little chance we would recover him. No doubt Muggle police would have claimed the body. It's not everyday a large man with a wooden leg and magical eye comes crashing down out of the sky." Remus winced. His chose of words were cruel. "Well, at any rate, the Ministry would _have_ to step in as this would become a magical matter, so it might be as just as well for the Muggles to find his body. He would be safer with the Ministry."

"Not by much," Bill muttered under his breath.

Lighting their wands, they made their way into the woods, silence between them. Remus wished now, more than ever, he was more accomplished in tracking as it would be useful for a situation like this. But even if he had Greyback or Lavinia's advanced skills, it would be nearly impossible to magically find a dead body. Tracking spells fed off trace magic; Mad-Eye no longer provided anything of that nature.

"What do you really think happened?" Bill asked tentatively, muttering spells which seemed to have no effect.

"I think Mundungus betrayed us." Remus said firmly. It was like James and Lily and Dumbledore all over again… Someone in the Order was not to be trusted and it resulted in the death of a good friend.

"You don't think it was just Dung being spineless and taking off to leave Mad-Eye to fend for himself?"

Remus sighed, the feeling of anger and remorse still coursing through his body. "I don't know anymore, to be honest. They knew we were moving Harry tonight that much is clear, and only those in the Order were privy to such information, therefore, someone in the Order told Voldemort the plan."

"You don't think Snape would have?" Bill asked.

Remembering Snape flying alongside the other Death Eaters, having him look Remus in the eye, aiming the deadly curse at _him_, which had the unfortunate target of George Weasley's face, made Remus' hatred pinpointed Snape as a better culprit for the attack tonight. Snape certainly would have told his beloved Lord and Master everything he could about the secret nature of the Order. Everything Snape knew, Remus had no doubt the Dark Lord now knew.

"No," Remus said slowly, "the last Snape knew of our plans to move Harry, was having it take place on the night of 30 July, just before he was to turn seventeen."

"Then who? I can't think of anyone else who would have access to that much information. I suppose someone could have put someone under the Imperious Curse or given Veritaserum or-"

"I suppose it's possible, but we have measures to prevent that from happening, and Mad-Eye more than anyone could have seen through an imposter."

Bill sighed. "I know I just don't want to believe that someone we know could commit a deceit like this. It feels like we've been violated, y'know? Do you have any other guesses?"

"No, and it's driving me mad," Remus said. It didn't add up. The Death Eaters clearly were not expecting so many Harrys out tonight, but they knew he was being moved. Mundungus had come up with the idea of the decoys, if he was the one to betray them, he would have told Voldemort this crucial detail. Perhaps Harry was right and someone had made a mistake, unknowingly let slip highly classified Order details. He shook his head. No one could be _that_ foolish.

"_Homenum revelio_," muttered Bill, but nothing happened. "Well, at least we know we're alone."

"Not for long I'm sure," Remus said bitterly.

"Are you alright Remus?" Bill asked, holding his wand closer to Remus' face.

"I just," he started but still could not express what he was feeling. He was angry, that was an emotion he could recognize. But there was so much more to it. Like a complex runes translation, he had a general, blurry idea to its meaning, but could not fully grasp what exactly the intent was behind it. "The whole idea was corrupted from the start. We put so many lives in danger… and, I told her not to go."

"Tonks is an Auror mate, she was one of the more experienced guards tonight."

"Everyone keeps telling me, 'she's an Auror, she's tough', but her life is just as fragile as anyone else's. Look at Moody. He seemed invincible, and now…"

"She's fine Remus," Bill said soothingly, "She wasn't injured, wasn't captured and certainly did not die. I can understand how hard it was for you, waiting for her to come back, especially so soon after the attack in Scotland, but she's okay. A bit shaken up about Mad-Eye, but otherwise healthy."

"But she's not," Remus moaned, running a hand through his disheveled hair, the burn on his arm still stinging painfully. He wanted to confide in Bill the true nature of Tonks' condition, wanted to relieve some of his burden of carrying around such guilt and pain. But he couldn't, because he knew what Bill would tell him; that he was being foolish, that this was a blessing, that he should feel happy not guilty. He didn't need anymore of the young man's reasoning. "She's wasn't well enough for this tonight, she should have been resting."

"You really expect Tonks to sit on the couch eating bonbons while you and the rest of the Order went flying into a trap tonight? You've got some delusional ideas mate if you think she would ever do something like that. Delicate or not, Tonks is always going to want to be apart of the fight, it's just her nature."

"But she needs to see that when she's… unwell, she can't just keep going and expect a positive result."

"Even if she was on death's door, Lupin, she's still going to fight. You can't always be there to protect her, just as I can't always be there to protect mum, or Fleur, or Ginny. I had the benefit of being next to Fleur, tonight, and knew she was safe. But Tonks can handle herself in a sticky situation. By the sound of it, she saved Ron's life tonight, as you saved George's."

"I'm so sorry Bill I couldn't do more for George-"

"Remus, you did brilliantly! You were flying on a broomstick, going up against Death Eaters who outnumbered us over two to one, not to mention having You-Know-Who come flying into the fray, _and_ you kept him alive. You did so much more than you're giving yourself credit for."

"I know, but I can't help but feel responsible, like I could have done more to protect him."

"Don't beat yourself up Remus, the damage could have been a lot more severe." Bill said sadly. Remus knew he was right. After the amount of blood loss George had sustained, it really was a miracle he was alive. They continued their search for their fallen leader's body in silence each lost in thought of horrible scenarios and feelings of death. Suddenly, Remus heard twigs snapping and the sounds of heavy footsteps. Indeterminate voices were saying something to one another, their location too far away for Remus to properly hear. But there was no mistaking even at a distance the man who spoke next. "They've got to be around here somewhere."

Remus instantly recognized it belonging to Fenrir Greyback.

Panic started rising inside Remus' stomach, and he and Bill instantly used, "_Nox_" to extinguish their wands.

"We've got to be careful," Remus said, whispering to Bill in the dark, trying to hear anything more. "Greyback's hearing is more advanced than ours."

"Should we Apparate further into the woods?"

"The popping sound would give away our position. I think we should try and continue on foot." Silently casting _Muffliato_ and _Cave Inimicum_, they hurried as quickly as they could further into the dark woods. But without the light from their wands, their journey suddenly became much more treacherous than before. Being a werewolf had its advantages, having all of the senses heighten was one of them. However, the darkness was all consuming and Remus could not see or hear any better than Bill Weasley could. Tripping over an exposed tree root, Bill came tumbling down, losing his wand. Scrambling to his feet they both heard a man mutter, "What was that?" Greyback's voice was closer than Remus had thought. "Go tell Scabior and the others to report to this area. They're close. I can _smell_ them."

"It's useless Remus, they've got the woods covered." Bill hurriedly whispered, finding his wand on the ground. "We'll try again tomorrow."

"Tomorrow might be too late Bill." Remus whispered quickly back, looking around to see if he might distinguish the shadows in the dark. "If they have Death Eaters all over the woods they will find Moody's body before we do-"

"Exactly, there is no point in getting ourselves killed for something we have no control over. It's dark, the woods are crawling with Death Eaters, and there is nothing more we can do tonight. I should have tried to get the body when we were still in the air. The thestral could have taken the extra weight."

"You had Death Eaters on your tail, there was no way to escape that."

"Well, I could have put a trace or a mark when he was falling, that way we could know where his body would have landed."

"It was mayhem Bill, you we're trying to protect yourself and Fleur." They heard the footsteps growing louder and Remus consented that it would be best to resume the search in the morning.

"The Burrow?" Bill said and Remus nodded, and the both Disapparated just as he could see Greyback's mysteriously glowing eyes appear out from the dense forest.

Looking at the lopsided house, Remus debated whether or not he really wanted to go back empty handed. Bill's hesitation indicated he was feeling the same way. "Come on," Bill said finally. "We'll have a better chance of finding him with more people and more protection."

"Right," Remus said and followed the younger man through the protective barrier and back into the house. The sound of the front door opening made those still awake jump, and look to Bill and Remus expectantly.

"Well, did you find Mad-Eye?" Mr. Weasley asked, getting up from his chair when he saw them enter the house.

"We went back to the area I saw him fall dad, but the woods were crawling with Death Eaters. They clearly knew we were there."

"How?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking horrified.

"I'm not sure," said Remus looking around those who were still in the sitting room. Many of the Order members had left and it seemed the kids had been hurriedly along and sent to bed. George Weasley was no longer lying on the couch, a small stain of blood on the armrest where he had lain. But Nymphadora was nowhere to be found.

"No doubt they thought we would try to recover Mad-Eye's body." Bill said, walking over to the sideboard to pour himself another drink.

"So is that it?" Mrs. Weasley asked sadly.

"We'll go back in the morning," Bill said, giving Fleur, who had just come from upstairs, hearing the sound of her fiancée's voice, a tight hug. "But for now, we should try and get some rest."

"Tonkz iz at 'ome," Fleur said watching Remus look around the room. "She left zoon after you did."

"Thanks Fleur," Remus said, not realizing how panicked he was to not find her here. "I'll contact Kingsley about everything when I get home, and Bill, send word when you want to start the search in the morning."

"I will," Bill said.

"Goodnight," Remus said to the entire room.

"Goodnight Remus dear," Mrs. Weasley said.

Apparating back to the cottage, he noticed there were no lights on in the house. Assuming she would have been awake waiting for word, or at least for him, worried, Remus quickly went inside.

"Nymphadora?" He called out, turning the lights on wandlessly. There was no response. Running up the stairs, looking in their bedroom to see if she might have fallen asleep, he called out again, "Dora?" Light revealed their was bed empty, and again there was no answer. Where had she gone?

Thinking of what she had said about Bellatrix and her aunt's determination to kill her, Remus started to panic. Fleur had said she had gone home, and she would have no doubt Apparated here. The house did not look like there was any struggle. Was Bellatrix waiting for her when she got back? Had she captured her? No one besides those in the Order knew where they lived, but Remus' stomach plummeted again. They had been betrayed tonight, nothing was sacred anymore.

"Nymphadora!" he cried out again. He ran outside, calling her name as loud as he could, looking even around the edge of the forest. She clearly was not here. His heart pounding, Remus was surprised to find tears on his face. Wiping them away he Apparated back to the Burrow. Sprinting inside, he was surprised to find most of the same Order members still gathered around the Weasley's sitting room.

"Remus what's wrong?" Molly asked, getting to her feet, an expression of panic written on her face.

"Dora," he panted. "She's not at home, there is no one there!"

"You don't think she would have gone after Mad-Eye's body?" Bill asked, also getting to his feet.

"I don't know, she could have," Remus said, anguish in his voice. That sounded like something she would do, further putting herself in danger.

"Do you want to me to help you look for her?" Bill asked.

"No, no, Fleur, what exactly did she say when she left?"

" 'arry 'ad told her zat 'er parents wanted 'er to contact zem, so she said she was going 'ome."

"Her parents' house?" he said incredulously, blinking stupidly at the young woman.

"Oh Remus dear, I'm sure this has been a huge misunderstanding." Mrs. Weasley said patting his arm. "I'm sure everything is fine." Remus made a noise somewhere between a strangled cry of relief and scream of frustration and did not care about the odd looks he was getting.

"Thanks," he muttered before leaving them all, looks of fright and pity on their faces.

Apparating outside the barrier to the Tonks residence, Remus took his time striding to the house. He saw Sirius' motorbike in the yard looking all the more worse for wear, but he did not give it a second thought. Banging loudly on the front door he heard voices come to a stop. Ted Tonks opened the door a fraction, peaking out to see who was calling at this late hour.

"Remus?" he asked before offering him entrance inside.

"No! Ted! Test to see if it's him!" He heard Andromeda's anxious voice from inside the house.

"Ah, well that's going to be tricky Dromeda, I don't really know our son-in-law all that well." He said, an odd expression on his face. Something between amusement and fright. "What was playing on the telly the first time you came to our house?"

"Some show about an alien doctor, or something," Remus said shaking his head trying to remember what the name of it was. There had been so much alcohol that afternoon…

"Good enough for me, it's him, Dromeda" Ted called back to his wife, opening the door wider granting him entrance.

"Is Nymphadora here?" He said, looking around, not seeing her.

"She's using the loo." Ted Tonks said, still looking at Remus with a curious expression. Relief washed over his entire being.

"And she's alright?" he asked, clutching at the stitch in his chest, suddenly aware of how breathless he now was.

"Yes, she told us what happened," Ted said looking uncharacteristically melancholy, "we're so sorry to hear about Mad-Eye. Uh, Remus, do you need to sit down? Or a drink perhaps? You're looking a bit peaky."

"That would be great," he said and Ted showed him into the sitting room. Collapsing into a chair, he closed his eyes oblivious to his in-laws, trying to steady his heartbeat.

"Remus? Has something else happened?" he heard her voice as though it was coming through a fog.

"Dora!" He said leaping from his chair.

"Did you find Mad-Eye?" she said coming closer to him, but not close enough to touch him.

"We couldn't. The Death Eaters were everywhere, they were expecting us." Remus said, he held out his hand wanting to touch her, to make sure she was really here, safe, warm, and alive. But she drew away.

"Mum, dad, Remus and I are going to go home." She said looking to her parents.

"No! Think of everything that has happened tonight Nymphadora!" Andromeda cried out. "We should be together as a family!"

"Remus and I have important things to do for the Order in the morning, and I'd really prefer it if I was sleeping in my own bed tonight." She sounded tired, her words hollow.

"But we have your room-" Andromeda began but Ted put up a hand to silence her.

"Of course, Dora dear," he said gently. "Give us word you made it back safe, alright? Perhaps you could come over tomorrow night for supper?"

"Of course dad," she said, giving her father a hug. "Goodnight mum," she said.

Her mother, looking haughty and so much like her sister, just gave a curt nod.

"Night, Ted, Andromeda." He said before following Nymphadora outside. Walking next to one another, the silence between them was overwhelming. Remus was still surging with rage, but the relief in finding his wife safe made his anger seem like nothing. Crossing over the protective barriers, Remus began to say, "Dora?" but she Disapparated. He took a moment to close his eyes and steady himself, to regain his focus, but just as he opened his eyes, he saw several hooded figures flying towards the Tonks residence. Remus raised his wand, ready should they see him standing so far below. The figures slowed their brooms, and seemed to be patrolling the perimeter of the protective boundaries, clearly looking for a way in. He was glad to see the spells were still working, glad to know that the Tonks' would be safe tonight. Quickly Apparating back home, Remus opened the door to see Nymphadora standing in the middle of the sitting room, arms folded across her chest, looking down at the ground, a frown on her face. He closed the front door waving the enchantments back into place before beginning again.

"Nymphadora, what is the matter?"

"I could ask you the same question," she said looking up, tears in her eyes. "What the hell was going on back at the Burrow? You were cold and distant to everyone, but especially to me, and I have _never_ seen you that angry before."

"I was just so worried! Someone has _betrayed_ us Dora, and it makes me angry to think that something like that could have happened again, and so bloody soon after Dumbledore! And now Mad-Eye is dead-" but he stopped seeing her chest rise and fall with heavy sobs.

"Mad-Eye is dead!" she cried. "And then there is you, being so fucking stoic, not giving anyone the common decency of being a caring human being! It was like you completely lost any shred of humanity or compassion-"

"What humanity Dora? I'm a werewolf! I lost my humanity years ago!" he said, his voice raised as his temper was flaring once more.

"Don't you start with that shit again," she said warningly, fat, heavy tears rolling down her face, which was contorted with frustration. "You know that is _not_ what this is about. You have human emotions Remus, you have empathy, but that was completely lost on anyone tonight. You couldn't even keep a civil tongue with _Harry_! I have never seen you as angry as you were tonight, and I have to be honest, it scared me."

"Good! You should be scared! This is what I have been trying to tell you all along, what I've been telling everyone all along. I am a monster!"

"That's not what I'm talking about!" she said screaming at him. "Your transformations each month have _nothing_ to do with the absolute desolation I saw in your face tonight! Even other members were scared of your behavior, and what could I tell them? That it's been a rough month? Everyone has been going through hell since Dumbledore died, but they weren't behaving like they were going to blast hexes at the next person who looked at them funny. It was just… so unlike you."

"Dora," he said, craning his head back to stare at the ceiling. She was testing his patience. Looking her in the eye he said, "Mad-Eye is dead, his body is out there somewhere, no doubt being _defiled_ by the Death Eaters, the Order has been betrayed for the SECOND time in over a month, and you are worried about my humanity and if I offended some people?"

"I'm worried that in your current state of mind you're planning on doing something stupid. I'm worried you're going to leave me. But most of all, I'm worried about _you_, worried what you will do to yourself if you carry on like this! It goes both ways, you know, in this marriage. You're not the only one who gets to be scared, who gets to agonize, who gets to be morose and think that they could be the cause of the other's… demise."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bellatrix," she said, and Remus noticed she was no longer crying but looking stubborn and resolute. "Tonight, when she found me out of the crowd, she didn't bother keeping her identity a secret. The entire time she pursued me, she taunted me, saying I was unworthy of the Black's pureblood that ran in my veins, that she was determined to drain it from me, that I needed 'pruning' from the family tree."

"Wha-"

"Because I married you, Remus!" She said, and the tears she was trying so hard to keep at bay were now streaming down her face. "She called you, a deranged dog saying that I was now your bitch and… I won't repeat some of the more obscene things she was saying; they certainly stunned Ron more than any spell could. It was the ravings of a madwoman."

He looked away from her, starting to pace, running a hand through his greying hair. Wasn't this _exactly_ what he wanted to avoid? Having the unwanted connection of an unwanted creature? Tonks seem to know what he was thinking and said fiercely, "I don't regret for a moment becoming your wife, Remus, and it's going to take much more than nasty words to make me ever do so. But with Bella and the Death Eaters and those nutters sending letters, thinking our marriage is some great sin against nature, it has me worried that someone won't try something against you!"

"Dora," he said sympathetically.

"I mean, I practically forced you into this marriage! If I hadn't been so insistent, you wouldn't have all this anxiety and worry about having the Ministry find out about us, and now we have Bellatrix's deranged delusions to think about. And I'm worried who else might know where we live after we've been betrayed! Mad-Eye is gone…" she said, her voice starting to fail her. She nodded her head once resolutely before continuing, swallowing back her tears. "Mad-Eye is gone. So he can't even give me advice about how to go about protecting the you or the house and I can't help but think that the longer I stay here, the more I am putting you in danger, and the baby," she said, her eyes wide with panic. "Remus, if they find out about the baby I don't know what they would do!"

"Nymphadora!" He said, holding onto her shoulders to stop her rambling. "Listen, I married you Nymphadora because I love you." She smiled a little, but still didn't look convinced. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, I just, I can't stand the idea that anyone would betray us, and I can't stand the idea that it's happen _again_. That was why I insisted so many times for you not to come! When you…" his voice started wavering. Screwing up his face, forcing himself not to cry he said, "When you didn't come back to the Burrow after so long, I had started to give up, started to resign myself to the fact you were dead and I was once again alone."

"Oh Remus," she said, taking him into her arms. "The entire time Ron and I fought off Bellatrix and Rodolphus, I thought of you, thought of coming home to you and being in your arms. There is no way I am going to lose you! And it makes me worried the lack of faith you have in me." She was quiet for a moment before adding, "There are times I feel that I am more committed to this relationship than you are, that you don't love me the same way that I love you."

"Dora," he could kick himself for how pigheaded he had become. "I've been idiot, and I feel like I keep having to tell you that." She laughed a little through her tears. "It's not that I don't trust you, or think you're incompetent. I know just how smart and brave and cunning and powerful you are. Those are just some of the qualities that attracted me to you in the first place. It's just… over the years I have found it's easier to lose the things you've kept at a distance. In my experience, when I would love someone, or become close to someone, they always left me. They would die, as James and Lily and Sirius have, or they'd find out what I really am and leave horrified, disgusted, like I had tricked them into caring for me. _Never_ before has someone loved me the way you do Nymphadora, and honestly... it scares me." He felt nervous saying it aloud but it was true. Her love terrified him. "I don't know how to act, or what to say half the time thinking you might finally see what a boring old fogey I am, or realize just how dangerous I can be. But mostly, it scares me to think that one day I could lose the fierce intensity in which you love.  
>"I watched as my parents, two people who loved each other deeply crumble and fall apart over the mistakes of my father. I watched, even as he lay dying, my mother not being able to look him in the eye. They still loved each other, I know that, but not in the same way as they did, not as intensely. I don't want that happening to <em>us<em>. I don't want you to wake up one day and realize the mistake you made tying yourself to me. And I am committed to this relationship, but you'll have to forgive an old man his follies. I may seem bitter, resentful even, but that's because if I were to be the cause of any harm you may encounter, I could _never_ forgive myself."

"Remus, you have to have _trust_ in our love, that it will see us through this! I don't know how many times I'm going to have to remind you that, I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere." She said firmly, emphasizing her point. She looked at him for a moment, before a small smile crept onto her lips. "There are times you really are an old duffer, you know that?"

"I am beginning to," he admitted. It felt good to talk like this, to release some of his worry, to hold her in his arms. But the roots of his guilt and self-hatred ran deep and he knew this wasn't the last time he would make her doubt his love for her. She was much too good for him, to still love him even when he was full of contradictions and his emotions were frayed and overwrought. He still could not see how anyone could love him, when he yelled and panicked more often than not. He mentally kicked himself again about his resolve about keeping her healthy, about keeping her calm. He wished he were in better control of his emotions, wished he could be a more suitable and rational mate for her, to be the calm and quiet professor persona he had everyone fooled into believing he was.

"You know you're not old, Remus." She said quietly.

"There are days I could prove you wrong." He said.

"And you certainly are not boring."

"Even when I want to stay at home, and you want to go out?"

"There is not a day that goes by I am not grateful for the love you have given me. Till death do us part remember?" she said.

"Till death do us part," he said, kissing her worried lips. "Why don't you get some rest? I'm leaving early tomorrow morning to try and look again for Mad-Eye's body again and I'd like it if you would come with Bill and I."

She gave him a half smile at the obvious effort he was making. "Do you really think we might find him?"

"Until I know the Death Eaters have him, I'm going to keep looking for him. He deserves a proper burial."

"Yes, he does," Tonks agreed. "There is going to be questions from the Auror Department that should be dealt with, and with Kingsley not there until-"

"Kingsley!" He had forgotten to contact Kingsley. He didn't know Mad-Eye was dead, or what had happened to the others. "I need to send a message to Kingsley."

"He doesn't know about Mad-Eye!" Tonks said, clasping a hand to her mouth. "He's going to be devastated!"

"He needs to know." Remus said taking out his wand. Silently thinking to himself, _Mad-Eye killed by Voldemort, Mundungus fled the scene, could be possible double agent, everyone else fine_. Waving his wand he cast the messenger spell, a silvery beam shot out of the end, speeding towards Downing Street with a message of sorrow.

"You know I've always wondered, why your Patronus took the form of a wolf?"

"I don't know. I mean, who really knows what shape their Patronus will take when they first cast the spell?"

"I find it intriguing the creature you fear the most, is the one thing that will protect you against real danger." She looked at him with a new understanding.

He gave her a small smile, a cool hand to cup her cheek. "Come on love, we should try and get some sleep. We'll be useless tomorrow without a little bit of rest."

They laid in bed for a long time, neither of them talking nor sleeping. They simply held each other; Tonks silently crying a little more over her fallen mentor, Remus stroking her hair thinking about where Mad-Eye's body might have landed. His thoughts turned to what the Death Eaters would do with it if they found it first, and if they might possibly try to ransom it for something, or someone. It wasn't until he saw the earliest rays of sunlight did he realize Tonks was sleeping quietly and that he had not slept all night.

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><p>an: for lupin, heighten senses from his affliction come heighten emotions, especially of love and hatred, something that will play out more as we continue to follow the unsteady course of their life and love for one another. moody's death put a lot of things into perspective for all of them, and i am sad to see him go, he was fun to write. threats from all sides bring loads of drama and angst coming up, so i'm apologizing in advance, but there is also bill and fleur's wedding which will bring some much needed fluff after all the drama (it also brings the arrival of charlie weasley) ;) stick around to read more!

in addition to upcoming chapters, i've started work on a new oneshot about ted and andromeda and the day they tell her parents they got married and all the drama that ensues, so for all the ted tonks lovers out there look for that coming soon. the working title is "The Devil You Know".

massive massive MASSIVE thank yous for those of you who have reviewed the last chapter, and to everyone who has clicked the review button and had something say! each one of them brings a smile and some sunshine to the rather gloomy weather of late, so THANK YOU!


	17. A Painful Reminder

**a/n: **as usual, i do not own the harry potter universe as they are the property of warner brother and j.k. rowling and i am neither. no copyright infringement is intended as i merely live vicariously through the exploits i invent for them. m rating for adult situations, language and mild violence. sorry for taking so long on this update! stupid irene knocked my power out for a few days and then i just started the new school term so it's been madness on my end. this chapter got away from me a little bit, but here it is, at long last, chapter seventeen, and as always, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter Seventeen: A Painful Reminder<strong>

He moved his body carefully away, leaving her alone in bed. She always looked so peaceful as she slept, but Remus noticed a look of concern on her face. Remus wondered what she was dreaming about; no doubt they were terrible dreams of unforeseen dangers. Wandering zombie-like down the stairs and into the kitchen, he opened the icebox to stare into its depths, not really looking at what it contained. He was hungry, yet nothing seemed to interest him. Closing the door, he looked in all of the cabinets, but still could find nothing that sounded appetizing. Walking through the kitchen into the sitting room, he did not know whether he wanted to sit, or to walk, or what he should be doing. He was hoping any minute now he would receive Bill's call to begin again the search for Mad-Eye's body. Deciding reading might solve his impatience he looked through the bookshelves trying to find something that might divert his attention. But it was the same as trying to find something to eat; nothing appealed to him.

It was only then did he registered vaguely that he was still wearing the same clothes from last night; George Weasley's blood still stained his shirt as a painful reminder of all that happened. He looked down to his hand and noticed it was still burned from the night previous. He did not heal it. He left it there, another painful reminder that not even the world's greatest Auror was immune to death. He climbed back up the stairs and into their bedroom once more, careful not to wake her as he changed out of his clothes and into something clean. Looking at her sleeping on the bed, Remus thought he might just try to get some sleep after all, but at that moment Bill's eagle Patronus materialized and spoke to him.

"_Beginning the search. Meet us in field from yesterday. Kingsley, Fred, dad, Hagrid also coming. Tonks welcome to join." _

The moment the Patronus dematerialized, Remus felt alert and focused. He had something to do, something to divert his attention from his grief and misplaced anger. Curiously the sound of the Patronus had not disturbed Tonks' slumber. Pushing her hair away from her face, bending over he said quietly, "Nymphadora?"

Sitting bolt upright, Tonks' head knocked painfully into Remus' nose. "What's happening?" she said confused, her wand in her hand, looking around for the source of disturbance. She saw Remus, his eyes stinging from the force of her head against the bridge of his nose, silently hopping up and down as though it would rid himself of the pain.

"Sorry!" she said, getting quickly out of bed to look at his nose, which was bleeding a little.

"S'alright," Remus said nasally, tilting his head back and pinching his nose to stop the blood. "I should have known better than to wake you up like that."

"Yeah, sorry, Auror training," Tonks said, looking apologetic. "What time is it?"

"Can't be later than five," Remus said, looking around at the clock.

"You going to look for Mad-Eye?" she said quietly. Her eyes were still red and swollen from crying last night, and she looked as though she had not had any sleep in days.

"If I can stop this nose bleed." Remus said good-naturedly. "You want to come with us?"

Tonks sighed. "I don't know," she said finally. "If we do find him, I don't know if I could see him like that, all crumpled and broken…" Tonks looked down at the floor.

"It's alright if you don't want to come, sweetheart. He was a good friend to you and seeing him like that will be hard on all of us, but especially so for those he was closest to."

"I should have told him how much I respected him, how much I looked up to him." Tonks said, looking back up at him, fresh tears shining in her eyes. "I teased him horribly."

"You were the only one that could! Everyone else was too terrified. I think that speaks volumes for the love and respect he had for you."

"I know," she said sadly. They looked at each other, not really knowing what words to say next.

"I'm going to take a shower-"/ "I really should be heading out-" they said at the same time. Tonks gave him a half smile. "Well, good luck," she said softly, coming over to give him a kiss on the nose before tapping it with her wand. Instantly he could feel the blood leaving his face, his nose feeling better.

"Thanks," he said and watched her take off her clothes, climbing wearily into the shower. Leaving the cottage he put up all the protective spells he could think of, mentally warning himself that the danger to Tonks might be greater than ever as their location might be compromised with the recent betrayal by the unknown Order member. Apparating to the field, he saw Hagrid sitting down on the ground, mopping his eyes with a tablecloth sized handkerchief.

"Remus," he said, a low sorrowful moan in his throat. "We was about to leave. Cant believe it 'appened to Mad-Eye."

He patted the half-giant on the arm. "I know, I know."

"Arthur and Bill went into the woods already, and Fred went down to the village to see if any of the locals had 'eard summin last night. I was waitin for you and Kingsley."

"Thanks, Hargid."

"Is Tonks not comin'?" Hagrid said, looking around for her.

"No, she's not feeling well."

"Don't blame 'er. She was real close with Mad-Eye, ain't she?"

"She was," Remus confirmed. "She's having a rough go of it at the moment, but she's all right."

"If I get my 'ands on that rat Mundungus…" Hagrid said threateningly, making a tight fist with one hand and pounding it into the palm of the other hand.

"We can't know for certain who betrayed us Hagrid. It could have been anyone."

"But everything fits." Said a deep voice behind Remus. He turned around to see Kingsley standing there, his wand raised at Remus. "What kind of animal did my mother take my sister and I to get when I was six?"

"Now 'ow on earth-" Hagrid began.

"A turtle," Remus said, remembering the conversation he and Kingsley had only yesterday. Was it really only yesterday Kingsley and Bill were telling him to be more spontaneous? Remus felt he had had enough surprises and more spontaneous happenings in the past few weeks to fill a lifetime.

Kingsley lowered his wand. "Mungdungus fits. And there is the obvious question: why would he run? I'm with Hagrid," Kingsley said, his deep voice full of a dark revenge that made Remus shiver. "I'd like to get my hands on Dung and make him answer for his behavior."

"It very well could be Mundungus, he never wanted to come in the first place," Remus said. "He was protesting his involvement right up until he was on that broomstick with Mad-Eye."

"Then why would he come forward with the plan?" Kingsley said. "If it really was _his_ idea…"

"What do you think happened King?" Remus asked, genuinely curious to see what Kingsley's thoughts were on the matter. His was an opinion Remus' generally shared because it was logical, based on sound reason and fact.

"Mundungus' sole purpose of being part of the Order is relaying information he might come across when he does his dealings in Knockturn Alley and the like. He's a sneak thief, plain and simple. He doesn't have the moral compass the rest of us have. And never once as he put himself forward with anything other than rumor and speculation. Yet, out of the blue, he steps up with this brilliant idea. It seems suspicious to me. Always had, but because Mad-Eye was so keen on it, I ignored my suspicions."

"So you think someone, a Death Eater, has Mundungus under the Imperious Curse well enough to have been able to convince Mad-Eye, _and_ convince him to use the plan?"

"It's a theory," said Kingsley. Everyone was silent as they contemplated such intricate infiltration. Remus personally felt it was a little far fetched. Mad-Eye had been more than overly suspicious of everyone and Remus thought that someone so paranoid would see right through an imposter. Of course, no one was impervious to the Imperious Curse, especially when even brilliant Mad-Eye Moody had been a victim of it himself, made to live in his magical trunk as Barty Crouch Junior lived as his double for almost a year.

"You ready?" Kingsley said indicating the woods.

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Remus said, taking out his wand. He, Kingsley, and Hagrid made their way into the woods. It was a much different atmosphere than the one he and Bill stumbled into last night. The morning sun brought much needed light through the crisscrossing tangles of leaves and branches in the canopy of the trees.

"We weren't able to get very far," Remus said. "And it was dark, I don't even know what areas we covered."

"It's alright," Kingsley said, keeping his voice low. "We were disorganized and under duress. Bill said that the Death Eaters had the forest pretty well covered."

"We were barely looking for thirty minutes before we could hear Greyback."

"You know for certain it was Greyback?" Kingsley asked.

"Kingsley, that is a voice you never forget." Remus said darkly.

The three of them were silent as they combed through the forest. Kingsley cast sophisticated tracking spellings, making Remus envious of his abilities, but they yielded nothing. The most they could find as the morning sun was climbing higher in the Eastern sky were Bill and Arthur Weasley.

"Any luck on your side?" Bill asked, looking disappointed.

"Nothing," Kingsley said bitterly. "Those bastards must have taken his body."

"What d'yah think they'd do to 'im?" Hagrid asked.

"Merlin only knows Hagrid," Kingsley said sadly, "they might try to ransom the body for something, or someone. I'll let the rest of the Auror Department be on alert for anything suspicious or any rumors of someone knowing something they shouldn't."

"Do they know about his death yet?" Remus asked, thinking about Tonks who wanted to head into the Department this morning to cover the aftermath.

"I sent an owl to Gawain Robards before I left to join you," Kingsley said. "He's Department head, but was working in conjunction with Moody."

"How did you explain it happened?" Mr. Weasley asked.

"I told him that Moody was on a covert mission that went awry and was subsequently killed. You know how the Ministry feels about the Order acting independently of their knowledge."

"You didn't tell them about it being Voldemort that killed him?" Remus asked.

"I'm going to go in later this morning to speak with him personally," Kingsley said, and Remus' noted the weariness in his voice. He knew Kingsley had not slept last night, as it appeared most of the group gathered here had not either. Suddenly, they all saw a figure coming towards them, heading up the hill to meet them, everyone of them held their wands aloft, ready for an attack. It was only Fred. But that didn't stop them from pointing their wands straight for Fred's heart, and seeing so many wands pointed in his direction, Fred lifted his arms in surrender, a small smile playing on his lips.

Kingsley asked, "Your father's mother's maiden name?"

"Uh, she was a Black wasn't she?" Fred said, looking over to his father who was nodding his head. They lowered the wands, Remus momentarily stunned at how interconnected pure blood families really were.

"What news from town?" Bill asked lowering his wand.

"No one saw anything or heard anything out of the ordinary," Fred said, "there weren't many on the streets this early in the morning, so I went over to the Muggle police station figuring they would be the most helpful. They hadn't had any suspicious reports of activity or of anyone finding a body. Gave me horrible looks when I asked after a dead body, fancy that… But they did say I wasn't the first to ask them if they saw something unusual. Said a couple of blokes last night came in asking the same kinds of questions."

"No doubt the Death Eaters got to them first," Remus said sadly.

"That's what I thought so I asked them to describe what some of them looked like. All they could remember was the odd sorts of clothes they were wearing, but one did stand out in their mind and from their description it sounded very much like Greyback." Said Fred, looking oddly to Remus.

"Shit," said Remus, running a hand through his hair, making everyone look startled that he was using such course language, something they rarely heard him do. "Sorry," he muttered, "but I have no doubt anymore they have his body. I should have seen the connection last night. Greyback is one of the most skilled trackers… if anyone could quite literally sniff him out, it would be him."

"There still may be a chance we're overlooking something," said Bill. "I mean, he might not have even fallen in this area, he could be in the next county for all we know. It was so dark and I didn't have a clear understanding as to where we were."

"But the Death Eaters seemed to think that he was here," said Kingsley. "And if Greyback is as good as Remus says he is, it may be very likely Greyback tracked Moody's body to this location."

"I should have done something more," Bill said, his faced pained. "I should have tried to recover the body when I watched it fall."

"There's nothing you could have done Bill," said Mr. Weasley, putting a comforting hand on his son's shoulder. "You would have been killed had you not tried to get you and Fleur out of the fray. Why don't we all head back to the Burrow? Molly said she'd have breakfast ready for us when we returned, that is, if anyone has any appetite for food." Mr. Weasley looked like the idea of a large breakfast was repulsive.

"That's very generous Arthur, but I need to head into London," Kingsley said. "Robards is going to want a full briefing on everything that happened last night. I'll see you all tomorrow for the meeting. We should discuss who should act as new leader." Kingsley gave one last sad look out into the deeply wooded area before Disapparating.

"Well, everyone else is more than welcome to come back," Mr. Weasley said, looking just as weary as every else did.

"I might head back as well," Remus said, thinking of Tonks and how much she probably needed him. "Nymphadora shouldn't be alone right now."

"Of course," Mr. Weasley said nodding sadly. "We'll see you both tomorrow for the meeting?"

"We'll be there," Remus promised. "I might come over later while she's at work, check in with everyone and see how Harry is doing. I feel I need to apologize to him, and to all of you for my behavior last night."

"It was a stressful night for all of us Remus," Bill said kindly.

"Yes but none of you snapped the way I did, and I'm sorry if I caused any alarm." Remus said.

"Remus, you saved my son's life last night. You could have set our house ablaze in a fit of rage and Molly and I would still be grateful." Mr. Weasley said seriously.

"You're being much too kind, Arthur, but I still feel embarrassed. I don't normally go off like that." He said, scratching the back of his head. He looked around to each of their faces, pausing on Fred. "How is George?"

"Lapping up all the attention," Fred said, rolling his eyes. "I might have to blast his other ear off if he doesn't stop with the moaning and groaning."

"Fred," Mr. Weasley said sternly, but Bill chuckled appreciatively.

"Well, I'm glad he's feeling alright," Remus said. "I'll see you all soon." He Disapparated away from the woods and was instantly transported back to the front of his home. Waving away the protective enchantments he walked through the front door. The smell of coffee and bacon frying was emanating from the kitchen, as were the wailing sounds of the Weird Sisters coming from the wireless.

"Dora?" He called out looking around the corner to see if she was there.

"Remus?" she said, looking out from the kitchen wearing nothing but her bra, panties and an apron, a spatula in her hand looking confused.

"Are you frying bacon in your underwear?" He yelled over the music, disbelievingly.

She looked down at what she was wearing, before turning down the music. "Yeah, sorry, I got hungry and you know how it is when I cook, always make a mess all over myself. I haven't done the wash in a while so I didn't want to dirty my last clean work robe."

Remus yawned, rubbing his bleary eyes. "I thought for a moment I was hallucinating."

"A very naughty hallucination to be sure," she said smiling, but it quickly faded. "Did you find him?"

"No, and I've come to the conclusion we might not."

She sighed, looking down at the pan. "To be honest, I didn't think we would," she said. "There are too many-" but she stopped speaking, her face suddenly lost all color, a look of repulsion on her face.

"Dora?" he asked alarmed, quickly rushing over to her. But she turned around and retched spectacularly into the kitchen sink. "Dora!" he said, coming over to hold her hair back as she retched again. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

"Ugh," she moaned bending over, resting her forearms on the counter so she could put her head in her hands. "Would you throw that bacon away?"

"Why, what's wrong with it?" he said turning off the stove and looking into the sizzling pan. Nothing seemed the matter with it.

"The smell of it," she said.

"What about it?"

"It smells repulsive." She said, lifting her head up, grabbing a glass and filling it with water, taking a sip before spitting it back out into the sink to rinse her mouth of the acidic taste.

"It smells fine to me," he said, carefully picking up a hot piece of bacon and putting it into his mouth. "Tastes fine too."

"Well, you can have it," she said taking off her apron and walking out of the kitchen, the glass of water still in her hand.

"Dora, are you alright?" he said following her up the stairs, and into their room, watching her thin frame look through their wardrobe for something to wear under her Ministry robes.

"Breakfast sounded so appealing this morning, but now…" she said, putting on her jeans, looking for a shirt. "I think it's just the thought of going in today and not seeing him. Ever again." She said, looking up at Remus her eyes brimming with tears, her bottom lip trembling.

"Oh sweetheart," he said, taking her into his arms, her body racked with deep sorrowful sobs. He rubbed her back, her smooth skin cool against his hand, her tears warm on his shirt.

"He… he was like a father… to me," she cried. "And now…"

"He'll always be with you, just as all those who leave this earth will always be with us."

"But he was so tough, he seemed invincible," she said, looking up into Remus' eyes. "And now he's gone. I just… I feel so lost without him."

"He has made you the Auror you are today, love. Every time you go out into the field I'm sure you'll always hear him barking, 'constant vigilance' at you."

"He was always there for me, and fucking Dung…"

"We'll find him and make him account for his actions." Remus said fiercely.

"Do you think he was the one to betray us?"

"I don't know anymore," he said, his body suddenly feeling tired and every bit as mournful. "He came up with this scheme, he never wanted to come out last night, and he left Mad-Eye to fend for himself. But still, there is something to be said for the fact the Death Eaters did not know there would be seven Harrys last night."

"Who else would it be?" Tonks said.

"I don't know," he said, dropping his hands from her body so he could run his fingers through his hair, frustrated he could not figure this out. It was like a very obvious riddle, one heard of before, but the answer was wrong and no matter from which angle he looked at it, there was no solving it. "All I know is, I'm done with the messing about, I'm done with all this back stabbing and double crossing. First Snape, and now…"

"It seemed so clear last night Dung was the one to go rogue, but looking at it now, I don't know."

"It's driving me mental," Remus said. "There has to be something I'm missing, something that would help us to explain what the hell happened last night." They both were lost in thought as to what

"Robards is going to go ballistic without Mad-Eye there," she said looking over to the clock on the side table, and he knew she was thinking about going back into work.

"Kingsley said he was going to go in today to speak with him."

"Yeah, well, I'd like Kingsley to deal with him because I really don't feel like going in," she said, looking down at her Ministry robe on the bed.

"Then don't," he said simply. "Stay here with me. You need to get rest Dora, you shouldn't be taxing yourself like this with little sleep and more stress. I mean, you just vomited, you're clearly not well."

"That's true," she said, unconsciously putting a hand to her flat stomach. "I was thinking about that, and maybe it wasn't stress. It was morning sickness."

"Already?" he said, stunned that for a moment, he had forgotten she was pregnant. Perhaps in light of recent events, he had put a mental block on thinking about the creature growing inside of her. It was all too much to worry about Dora, Harry, the Order, Moody, the Ministry, Greyback _and_ the added worry of her pregnancy; it was simply all too much.

"I don't know," she said looking tired, "I have no idea what happens with pregnancy, or what signs are good or bad. What I need to do is talk to mum."

"I thought we weren't going to tell them just yet?"

"I know, and believe me, we shouldn't. They were terrified enough as it is when I went back to see them last night. Mum would skin me alive if I told her I went on the mission last night and oh, yeah, I'm knowingly five weeks pregnant."

"Maybe you _shouldn't_ have gone on the mission last night," Remus said seriously.

"Remus, we've been over this. How could anyone know what was going to happen last night? Everything indicated-"

"I know, I know… the risks would be minimal. But Dora, if anything it _proves_ that not everyone is invincible. Moody-"

"I know," Tonks said sadly, and Remus wasn't going to push the issue. He hated watching her cry.

"Anyway, we need to tell them before the next moon," Remus said seriously. "If the… _child_ is infected, miscarriage is likely to happen on full moons, and someone should be with you if that happens, as I'll be in a holding cell in the Ministry." He had trouble saying the word 'child' because he did not think of it as a human being, a human child. It was a creature, a _thing_, something her body might naturally rid itself of. He shuddered at the manner of cruelty his thoughts had become, that he anticipated her suffering, of having his child die. But he could not quell the feeling of relief if it were to happen.

"See, I didn't know that and I should! I just don't know who to talk to about this whole situation, or at least someone who won't fuss over me or guilt me into staying home while my husband and friends go out and fight."

"You could talk to Molly," he suggested.

"I said someone who _won't_ fuss." She said raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well, we have that appointment at St. Mungo's in three weeks. Do you want to wait until then?"

"There have to be books or something I could read." She said, looking back to the clock. "I'll see what the Library has to offer when I go in today."

"Are you sure you want to go in?"

"No, but I should. It's going to be shambolic and they'll need all the help they can get." She put on a plain black t-shirt before putting on her Ministry robes. "You'll be here when I come home?" she said grabbing her handbag, sounding very weary and young. "You're not going to be doing anything specifically for the Order later? It's just, I don't want to come home to an empty house."

"I'll be here, dinner on the table," he said smiling kindly at her.

"That's my trophy husband," she said kissing him, a sweet, tender kiss. "I'll see you later," she called back to him. Remus, hearing the front door close, collapsed on the bed, his body aching worse than a night after a full moon, his brain spinning with all the information that had come to light, and was quick to fall asleep.

"_Sectumsempra!" Snape called out. But it wasn't George who was hit with the force of the dark curse. It was Nymphadora. She cried out in pain, reaching out for Remus to help her, blood pouring out of great gashes on her body, her skin becoming deathly pale. But try as he might, he couldn't reach her, couldn't help ease her suffering. The light of the full moon illuminated her body, the smell of fresh blood exciting him, wanting to hungrily tear further into her flesh-_

"NO!" Remus shouted, sitting bolt upright in bed. He was panting, his face clammy, cool beads of sweat on his brow. The dream had been so vivid, so realistic he reached for his wand, scrambling out of the bed looking for her body, panicking over the loss of blood. But his rational thought returned, reminding him that she was safe, at the Ministry, and that the full moon was not for another three weeks.

His breathing heavy, adrenaline surging through his body, he tried to calm himself down. "Everything is fine," he said aloud, as though he were comforting someone else. But everything was not fine. Mad-Eye was dead. The Order had been betrayed. And he was at a complete loss as to what he could possibly do to rectify the situation. He hated feeling helpless, useless, incompetent. It was driving him insane trying to piece together what had happened last night. There was something he was missing, something that surely had to be obvious in figuring out what went so horribly wrong. Perhaps the Order didn't give Voldemort enough credit. Perhaps he had Privet Drive constantly crawling with Death Eaters in the event that they try to move him earlier. Rubbing the spot between his eyes, trying to rid himself from the oncoming migraine he knew was coming, Remus fell back onto the bed, the need to sleep overwhelming but his desire to help and be of use even greater.

Wandering downstairs, still deeply weary and body aching, he looked through the cabinets for a potion to help him with his headache, but the shelves seemed bear, clearly needing to be restocked. Frustrated, he slammed the cabinet door closed, which bounced back at him, creaking under age and misuse. He needed to get out of the cottage, needed to do something. He knew he had promised Tonks he'd be home when she would return, but he could not sit by while there was so much to do. But who was he suppose to contact now that Mad-Eye was gone? The Order no longer had a leader, no longer had a plan. Perhaps McGonagall would step up to help them, as she was in the original order and a very powerful witch in her own right. He decided to head to the Burrow, hoping someone would have some sort of clue as to what he should do.

Apparating, Remus had to quickly move inside the protective barriers as he spotted from the corner of his eye several hooded figures talking quietly to one another, hovering fifty feet in the air on brooms, not paying attention to man who had suddenly appeared below. Finding his way inside the lopsided house, he found it chaotic, people scurrying around not paying much attention to anything apart from the task they had been set.

"Molly?" Remus called out. He saw her curly red hair popped out from the doorframe to the kitchen.

"Remus," she said, coming out quickly to greet him, wearing her dressing gown and slippers. "So sorry to hear about not finding Mad-Eye, I guess some times these just can't be helped. Care for a spot of breakfast? I was just about to tidy it up."

"No thank you Molly," Remus said amused at how flustered she appeared to be. "Is George alright?"

"What? Oh, fine, fine," Molly said waving a hand, looking at the current state of the sitting room. "Ron you had better be awake up there!" she called out, rushing around the room gathering up what appeared to be the remains from people moving breakfast into the sitting room.

"Uh, Molly, is there something I can do to help? You seem rather overwhelmed."

"Oh dear, aren't you sweet?" Mrs. Weasley said not really paying attention to him.

"Molly," Remus said seriously.

"What?" she asked, stopping her frantic cleaning to look at him. "There is really nothing I could ask of you Remus dear. It's just, on top of everything going on we have Charlie arriving tomorrow, and the Delacours the day after, and I've barely begun with preparations for the wedding, I thought I would have had more time than this, and now the house is Headquarters people have been popping in and out all morning looking to me for things to do because Mad-Eye…"

"Put me to work," Remus said earnestly. "Anything you need me to do Molly. Honestly, anything at all."

And Molly Weasley did just that, by having him de-gnome the gardens. It felt good working in the dirt, the summer sun on his back, doing something so physically demanding he had no time to reflect on his fears or sense of loss. It felt good doing something mundane, normal, completely away from anything involving putting lives in danger, wonderful he could spend time away from the stifling cottage and the madness his thoughts took when he was cooped up there for too long. There was a physical satisfaction to pulling the unwilling creatures from their cozy holes and flinging them as far as he could into the field. He saw a few of the other Weasley boys, mostly trying to shirk the task set out for them by their mother, and they would help Remus for a time. He was called in for a late lunch, but declined, still not thinking food sounded appealing. By the time he thought he was done, several of the ruddy creatures had found himself back in their holes, but overall though he hadn't made a pig's ear of it. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, his face was pink from having been in the sun most of the day, but he never thought he had felt better. The sun, however, was much lower in the sky than Remus had anticipated. Thinking of his promise to be home when Tonks would arrive, he hurriedly went back inside to say goodbye to Molly, who was still wearing her dressing gown from that morning, with a promise that should she need anymore help of any kind to get send word.

"I haven't forgotten the kindness you bestowed on us in helping with our wedding Molly," he said as she started making a fuss. "I'm entirely in your debt."

"I may take you up on that offer," she said. "You and Tonks will be back tomorrow for the meeting? Minerva was here earlier."

Remus, so focused on the gnomes had not seen the acting-Headmistress come in. "What did she have to say on the matter?"

"She was sorry of course, about what happened to Mad-Eye and asked if we had voted a new head of the Order and I told her of course we wouldn't without her being here, and she said she was thankful but not to nominate her."

"Why not?"

"Things with Hogwarts I suppose aren't going as well as she would like. You know, now Dumbledore's gone, the Ministry feel it's their place to step in and take control and nominate more 'suitable' candidates for the post of Headmaster and all sorts of other rubbish."

"Well, let me know if there is anything at all you need me to do, Molly. Anything at all."

"What I want you to do, Remus Lupin, is to go home to your wife, she needs you more than I do." Mollly said, looking at him through those understanding eyes.

"I will Molly," Remus said smiling, but she could not help but the sadness behind his smile.

Apparating home, Remus saw smoke rising from the chimney. Looking down at his watch he saw it was only half five. Curious as to know why she would be home so early, Remus walked into the house and called out "Nymphadora?"

"Remus?" said a deep male voice.

"Kingsley?" Remus said, walking in to see Kinglsey Shacklebolt standing over their fireplace throwing documents into the bellowing flames. Remus held his wand pointed at the man standing there who quickly reached for his own wand pointing it back at Remus.

"After you were with us this morning, who were you meeting with?" Remus asked.

"Gawin Robards, head of the Auror Department." Kingsley said. Remus lowered his wand slightly. "I know I'm not the person you expected to see coming home today."

"Where is she?" Remus asked, looking around the sitting room as though she would pop out at any moment.

"Still at the Ministry." Kingsley said, looking through the stack of papers in his hand before tossing them into the flames.

"King, as much as I love your company, what the hell are you doing here?" Remus asked, still utterly confused.

"Tonks allowed me to use your fireplace. Yours is the only house that has not yet been traced in connection to the Order. I had to be sure I wouldn't be followed. Mad-Eye had a number of documents in his home that needed to be destroyed, especially before the Magical Affairs Department start going through his will and collecting his personal belongings to settle his affairs in order."

"And you couldn't use the fireplace at Mad-Eye's house?"

"Too risky. I'm being followed, and the smoke would draw too much attention."

"And you don't think all the smoke coming up through my chimney wouldn't draw attention?" Remus said, feeling his anger rising.

"I lost the tail Remus, it's alright, he won't trace you back here. Besides, Tonks told me Mad-Eye did quite a number of protective enchantments on this place a while back," Kingsley said, smiling sympathetically at Remus' paranoia. "I would never risk your or Tonks' safety to burn a bit of old parchment."

Remus finally lowered his wand fully. "Do you know who's following you?"

"Some junior agent in Magical Law Enforcement. He's clearly not very good, I should tell Thicknesse he needs to do a better job training his recruits in Stealth and Tracking, this kid has been more clumsy than Tonks after a night of drinking. I'd look out for yourself, no doubt they'll assign someone to follow Tonks and they'll know you're here as well. There were also Death Eaters circling around my house this morning."

"There were two flying by the Burrow earlier this afternoon."

"Only two?" Kingsley asked.

"Yes, so they clearly haven't figured out it's Headquarters, nor have they found a way past the enchantments."

"Mad-Eye knew what he was doing. Even after his death the spells are still in proper working order. I have been meaning to check out Grimmauld Place to make sure that the enchantments against Snape are still in place, but seeing as the Death Eaters have not found a way to penetrate through the safe houses, I'm confident it should still be fine."

"Would you like me to check it out, just to be sure?" Remus said, eager for another chance to be of use.

"If you'd like, I was going to go later after my shift guarding the Prime Minister."

"You've done so much already King, please, let me do something, I'm feeling utterly useless to the Order."

"Remus, you're doing enough as it is," Kingsley said, his brow furrowed with concern. "You've given us the intel about the Dark Lord making his move, you've risked your life last year to go underground for us. You are an extremely value member to our team Remus."

"But there has to be something more I can do!" Remus said, running a hand through his hair.

Kingsley looked sadly at his friend. "Remus what is this _really_ about?"

Remus looked at Kingsley, saw the sadness in his eyes, saw the concern and suddenly, the grief he had kept so long at bay yesterday collapsed on him. He physically collapsed onto the couch, staring into the fire, memorized by the dancing flames. "Where do I even begin King?" he said, shaking his head, his tired eyes still so transfixed on the flames.

"From the beginning is always best," Kingsley said, still searching through the stacks of papers, throwing a few more into the flames, aware of how difficult speaking so candidly would be for his friend and didn't need the added pressure of him starring him down like a suspect.

"I wouldn't even know where the beginning is anymore," Remus sighed, "everything has become such a tangled web of worry, and deceit, and things that _never_ should have happened..."

"Why do I get the impression this has nothing to do with the Order or Mad-Eye?"

Remus finally removed his attention from the flames to look at Kingsley who was giving him a look of genuine friendship and concern. "It's…" he began, but his courage failed him. He didn't need to hear Kingsley's take on Tonks' condition, didn't need to hear his quiet rationale. He especially didn't want word getting out around the Auror office that Tonks was pregnant, she would hate him forever if she found out it was he who caused her to sit behind a desk for months. But his burdens were great, so Remus decided to relieve one of them. "Nymphadora and I might not be legally married."

"What?"

"We might not be legally married," Remus repeated.

"Remus, I was there, I saw the master of ceremonies, he cast the spell, he made the bond."

"Well, according to the Ministry, we're not, all over some stupid formality. I swear King, I had no idea about some bloody form I needed to fill out because of, well, because of what I am. Apparently, werewolves have to register marriages with the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to monitor offspring. I had no idea."

"Remus," Kingsley said, his brow furrowed. "Is that what has you in such a panic? That you and Tonks aren't legally married?"

"It's not just that… there is so much more to it," he muttered. "But basically if I try to correct it, if I try and make it legal by filling out the blasted thing, everyone will know. The Ministry will be in an uproar no doubt about it, she'll face more persecution, friends will become enemies, and I can't let that happen King, I can't give her this life, the way my life has been for so long. I spend most days hiding out here, because legally I cannot have a job, and now I cannot even have a wife. The one thing I have been able to provide for her is… I can't think of one thing that I have given her. At the very least we thought we had been saved from the ridicule and the persecution-"

"Remus, you have given Tonks everything."

"I've given her _nothing_ Kingsley, nothing but having tied herself to the life of an outcast."

"Remus, I've known Tonks a long time, ever since she was recruited to the Department to start her training. Never, and this is the honest to Merlin truth, never have I seen her as happy as when she is with you."

"Kingsley-"

"Do not discredit yourself Remus," Kingsley said sternly. "You are much too quick to dismiss your self worth. You are an extremely gifted wizard who gives his wife, legal or no, something that no one in the world can. Unconditional love. You just need to start to give yourself some of that, and not care so much what the bloody Ministry of Magic has to say. One of these days were going to have a Minister with a good head on his shoulders to sort through the bullshit."

"I'm not holding my breath," Remus muttered.

"And there you go again," Kingsley said, throwing all of the papers into the fire angrily. "Have a bit of faith. There is such a thing as the power of positive thought, ever tried that?"

Remus turned his head away from Kingsley frustrated. None of them understood what it was like being him. None of them. They did not have to live with the constant fear of lunatic people with bigoted opinions coming after them. They did not have to live with the mood swings and the cravings for unnatural things like blood. They did not have to go through a horrific transformation every month where any shred of dignity or humanity left in them vanished the moment the moon would rise. They did not know the pain of never thinking of a future, as each year, each day was a day more than their lifespan usually dictated.

"I'm going to clean up before she comes back," Remus said finally, unsure of what to say. How could he even begin to explain anything, to any of them, Nymphadora included, about how he felt? It was better to drop the subject as usual and move on, push it from his mind, focus on the fact he was covered in dirt and sweat from de-gnome the Weasley's garden.

"Remus," Kingsley said sympathetically.

"No, King, it's fine. I'm tired, I haven't been sleeping much lately, and it's putting me on edge."

"Do you want me to see if I can do something about the paperwork, try and see if any of my friends in the Regulation Department might file it discretely and then it just looks like an oversight on the administration's part?"

"No, you don't need to deal with things like this, you've got enough on your plate as it is. Besides, it's through the WCU, and there is no way you could discretely do anything over there."

"There must be something-"

"I said it's fine." Remus said sternly, the sharp tone in his voice harsher than he meant for it to be. "Sorry," he said rubbing a hand over his eyes, his body and mind suddenly very weary.

"I'll be out of your hair shortly," Kingsley said, returning to sorting through the stacks of papers.

"Do you want me to go over to Grimmauld Place later?"

"No, I have to go back into London to guard the Prime Minister. I'll do it then."

"Well, please let me know if there is anything I can do. I've become a bit of an expert on de-gnoming gardens of late."

"I was going to ask why you were covered in dirt but thought better of it." Kinglsey said smiling.

"Thanks King for putting up with me. I've been off my hinge every since Dora got back from Scotland."

"It's understandable Remus, think nothing of it. In fact, it's good to see you are not always the perpetual pillar of calm and reason anymore."

Remus gave him a short bark of laughter as he turned around and headed upstairs to take a shower.

By the time he was cleaned and dressed, Kingsley had left; no trace of him or the mountain of papers was left behind. Remus started on dinner, but found the cupboards sparse so he ventured down into the village to buy some much-needed food. It was nice walking into the village, seeing the Muggles and their mundane routines in their mundane lives, completely oblivious to the War, or the fact one of the greatest Aurors of the age had just died. Remus wondered what it was like to be one of them, wondered if there might be a way for he and Nymphadora to go on the lamb, give up magic and become one of the ordinary. But there was no escaping the fact that he was a killer, one of mankind's greatest threats, no matter how far away they might run.

Remus saw something odd while he was doing his shopping. There was a man, dressed like any other Muggle checking the labels on a two for one special on cans of creamed corn, yet Remus could have sworn he had seen his face before. Remus barely frequented the little Muggle village. There was not much to do, besides the one restaurant, the pub, the market, and a few shops. Most of the excitement of Wiltshire lay outside of this rustic town. But Remus could have sworn he had seen this man's face before. Odder still was that the moment Remus got in the queue to pay for his items, the man wandered over as well, a few meager items in his hands that he needed to purchase. _You're being paranoid_, Remus told himself, trying to shake off the feeling someone was following him. _It's probably just a bloke you've seen at the pub a few times, someone completely harmless_. But Remus also remembered that Kingsley had said someone from Magical Law Enforcement had been following him all day. Perhaps Remus was now being watched.

He took a very long, roundabout route home, in case he really did have someone following him but in truth he had not seen the man since the car park. The route, if it did shake off the man following him, made him late, so much that the sun was beginning to set by the time he walked through the front door.

"Who's there?" Tonks said, sounding nervous.

"You really expect Death Eaters to announce their arrival if they barge through the front door?" Remus asked.

"Well I know King said he wanted to come over to burn some of Mad-Eye's more suspicious documents." She said, coming over to kiss his cheek and take a few of the brown paper bags from his hand.

"You're not going to question me, make sure I am who I say I am?" Remus asked, bringing the shopping over to the kitchen counter.

She looked at him for a moment, smirking. "I have a birth mark that never leaves, even when I morph. Where is it?"

"On your right side, on your thigh, by your hip," Remus said, curious that he knew her body so well that he had no hesitation in answering.

"See, you are who you say you are." She said, kissing his lips slowly, tenderly. "Hello."

"Hello," he said. Something in the way she kissed him calmed some unknown nervous energy he had been experiencing. In fact, simply seeing her, having her close, being able to take in her scent, calmed his mind and steadied his nerves. "How was work?"

"Chaos, but that was to be expected." She said, looking down at the ground. Remus noticed that her hair was it's natural brown color, but in a short angled bob. "Robards is running around like some panicked teenager. Not exactly the source of confidence we would want as leader of the Auror Department. And speaking of leaders, I was thinking about who should lead the Order, now that-" she took a great shuddering sigh- "now _he's_ gone."

"McGonagall?" Remus said, starting to put away the groceries. "Because she said she already wouldn't accept."

"No, I was thinking we should nominate Kingsley," Tonks said. "He's the only one of us who has the clarity of mind, and the training, to lead us in the right direction."

"I agree," he said, thinking there was no one he trusted more in terms of leadership than Kingsley. "We'll bring it up tomorrow night."

"I also think, _you_ might do the job some credit," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Me? Are you serious?" He said, looking back at her with disbelief.

"Of course I'm serious!" She said, looking affronted that he was so shocked by her choice.

"Dora, I don't have the nearly the amount of training, or insight, or clout with the Ministry to help the Order."

"Yes, but as you keep telling me, you were in the last Order, you've been through this before. And now that Mad-Eye is… you're one of the last ones from the original Order."

Remus took a moment as the truth in her words sunk in. Apart from Snape, whose allegiance clearly was never with the Order, McGonagall, who was busy keeping the school afloat, Mungdungus, who had shown his true colors, Deedalus Diggle, who was watching over the Dursleys, and Peter... Remus was one of the last remaining members alive from the original Order of the Phoenix Dumbledore had founded all those years ago. But there was another member Remus had not thought about. Aberforth. But he had not been heard from in years, tending to his pub and his goats, still so bitter over his brother and the bad blood between them. Yet, even being a surviving member did not qualify Remus to lead the Order.

"And I'm a registered werewolf who now has to report to the Ministry every month," he reminded her. "I have no credibility or standing within the Ministry if we are called to work together. They'd scoff at us even more than they do."

"But you're wicked smart and resourceful. You are a very powerful wizard, and you don't give yourself enough credit.

"And you're stroking my ego," he said, feeling himself blush.

"And you're being modest when you shouldn't. I find it very odd you have never come forward and show just how powerful you can be. I mean, you are so much more capable of wandless magic than I am and it's seems so effortless for you."

"Turning on house lights without a wand doesn't exactly make me as powerful as Dumbledore, who was able to do nearly everything without his wand."

"Remus," she said, and he watched her eyebrow rise with impatience, "I know you are capable of more than just simple spells."

"But my magical prowess still cannot counter the fact of _what_ I am." He said, frustrated this was still a debate between them. He was flattered by her apparent trust and faith in his magical skill, but there was no way the Order would nominate him for their leader. He was too much of a liability.

"Nobody cares! The Order are the ones who support you through everything without judgment of your condition."

"We'll nominate Kingsley and that will be that." Remus said, a note of finality in his voice. "I don't want to argue with you."

"Because you know I'm right?" she said, frustration in her voice as well.

"Because it's not worth upsetting you." He said.

She sighed, looking deeply troubled and tired. "Fine," she conceded. "We'll nominate Kingsley." Silence between them as they awkwardly were looking anywhere but at each other. Remus finally feeling less stubborn

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, seeing just how pale she looked.

"Fine," she sighed. "Tired, but that's to be expected I suppose. It was a long day at the office."

"No more, you know, vomiting?"

She smiled at him. "Worried about me?"

"Of course I'm bloody well worried about you," Remus said not seeing the humor of the situation.

"No, no more vomiting. Sweetheart, you need to stop this constant worry. At least take one day at a time."

"You're my- wife, Dora," he hesitated over the word 'wife', "I think I'm allowed the privilege of some worry, especially now after all that has happened."

"I'm too tired to argue with you right now, I've got mountains of paperwork that is going to take me all night, and I have to be back in the office no later than seven tomorrow morning."

"Why so early?"

"Meeting with all of Magical Law Enforcement. Scrimgeour is actually coming out his office and doing something for once. A shock, I know, having the Minister for Magic doing something with his Law Enforcement during a war. He's going to be addressing the matter of Mad-Eye and probably say a few words and then some kind of unveiling of a new defense strategy."

"Sounds, promising?" Remus said.

"Yeah, well, we'll see how it goes." Tonks muttered, reaching into the bag of grapes Remus had bought and ate a few.

They shared a quiet meal together, neither talking too much, both feeling the weight of what Mad-Eye's death meant for them all. She didn't come to bed later, and Remus found that as weary as he was, he could not have his body relax enough to have him sleep. He would close his eyes for twenty minutes at most, but his mind was racing, making lists and thinking of things he could do for the Order. It was nearing three in the morning, and she still had not come back to bed. Worried for her health, and giving himself something to do instead of being alone with his thoughts, he wandered back downstairs.

"Dora?" he called out tentatively, but then he saw her, head down on the table, resting on a large stack of papers, mouth slightly agape breathing softly. "Dora," he said affectionately, shaking his head watching her sleep in such an odd manner. "Come on love," he said kissing her forehead, trying to wake her delicately, standing a few feet back however in case she might suddenly stir and give him another bloody nose.

"Whatimeisit?" she mumbled, eyes barely opened, looking around with a heavy head as to what woke her. Remus lifted her body into his arms walking her up the stairs, wandlessly turning out all the lights. Lying her down on the bed, she did little more than turn her body to lie on her side before she was completely out once more. Climbing into bed beside her, Remus kissed her forehead and finally managed a few hours of peace and dreamless sleep.

Tonks left the next morning before Remus had stirred. He was surprised to find it was half nine, thinking surely Tonks' less than graceful manner of getting dressed in the morning would have surely woken him from his sleep. But Remus was grateful she had not. It had been a long time since he had been able to sleep soundly through the night. Stretching out in bed Remus thought about what he could do to be of help as surely there had to be something other than de-gnoming the garden that he could be doing. Thinking of his own delicate garden, Remus had a hurried breakfast and started his work outside. The day was not nearly so nice as it had been yesterday, it was cooler than was typical for this time of the year, the clouds hung low obscuring the sun from view. Nevertheless, the physical exertion cleared his head and steadied his worry. However, just as he was manually pulling weeds from around the tomato plant did a silvery lynx appear before him.

"_Make contact with wolves, need to find out more about Dark Lord's intentions, more rumors of take over. Report back tonight if you can." _

Dropping everything the moment the lynx disappeared, Remus thought about how he was going to go back into Dartmoor. Thaliard said he would try and persuade the others that he was acting in good faith and not working against them, but the word of one man who was a known friend of his would only go so far. Remus sent back a message to Kingsley letting him know he would leave right away. Packing a few things into his black traveling cloak, he left a note for Dora and waved the enchantments back on the cottage before Apparating into Devon.

With the sky so dark, the smell of rain in the air, Remus was apprehensive as he put up the hood of his cloak and made his way further into the woods. Each step seemed to give his anxiety more cause to worry. The deeper he went into the woods, the darker it became. He knew he could simply summon a ball of light, or use _lumos_ to light the tip of his wand, but as experience had told him, magic always leaves traces. However, without the sunlight through the masses of trees, Remus was quickly becoming blind until he was forced to light the tip of his wand.

Almost instantly, Remus heard the popping sound of someone Apparating before a familiar voice said, "Couldn't keep away could you?"

"Thaliard," Remus said, spinning around, breathing a sigh of relief. There was no need to test to see if it was really him. Remus could clearly see the raised outline of the branded numbers on his arm, something that would not appear if someone had taken Polyjuice Potion.

"You tripped the alarm," Thaliard said holding out a hand for Remus to shake, which he took gladly.

"I didn't think I was close to any of the marked areas," Remus said.

"You're not, at least not the boundaries you knew of last you were here. But we widened the perimeter since then, giving us more time to react in case WCU agents came wandering in. Good thing too, because two of them came looking around this area not too long ago."

"Do you think they put a trace on you and others after you were released from the Ministry?"

"That was what everyone thought, so the three of us have been banished for a time to the outskirts of our territory. Makes finding shelter near impossible, but I've set up a small cabin further north. Better than not being a pack member at all, I suppose."

"And Greyback?" Remus said, looking wildly around as though just the mention of his name might bring him out of hiding.

"In the caves," Thaliard said darkly, and Remus could see he looked wary. "I told everyone that you weren't working for the Ministry, that you weren't selling them out for galleons."

"Thanks," Remus said, genuinely glad he had put some trust into this man.

"Well, I'm not saying it completely convinced anyone of anything, but at least they're not so bitter over it and don't want to see you dead."

"That's something at least," Remus muttered.

"Greyback is another matter entirely."

"Wonderful," he said, taking a few steps away from Thaliard feeling the need to run or kick or punch something. But he mastered the impulse.

"But that's just Cormier talking, you know what a soft spot she has for you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you, she's not in love with me.

"Then how do you explain her still looking out for you."

"Looking out for me?" Remus said. "How?"

"She's been allowed back into the pack." Thaliard said seriously.

"You're joking? I thought she had been exiled for being caught."

"Greyback said she could come back on the condition that she track families for him."

"She can't be happy about that," Remus said. "What about her mum? I thought she was living with her, that she needed her help."

"She is, and she does to be sure, but so long as Liv does whatever Greyback wants, whenever he wants, she is free to come and go as she pleases. She's been a real help with Thaisa. She also made Greyback promise he won't come after you. But Greyback's word is about as useful as a flubberworm, so you still need to be careful."

"She didn't need to do that for me," Remus said, suddenly feeling a little more tenderness towards Lavinia. He knew how much she hated Greyback, knew that after what he had done to her, after using her body, after violating her, making her a spectacle, the last thing she would ever want was to be put in a position where she was tied to him, made to do whatever he wanted. "He hasn't tried to-"

"No," Thaliard said sternly, "no, I've seen to that as much as I can, and luckily they're both not around in the same area for only the briefest periods of time."

"She shouldn't have done that," Remus said, shaking his head sadly, thinking of how much he was truly indebted to her. She always seemed to be saving his life.

"She's off the drink, well, not _off_ it completely, but isn't getting pissed every night like she was. She's getting it together, she's been so much like her old self lately it's been a nice change."

"That's good, she was a bit of a mess when I saw her last."

"I know. Now, as cozy as it is chatting with you, I know you wouldn't risk coming back to the caves unless it was for information. And the longer we just stand here, the harder it's going to be explaining it to the defense leader as to why I haven't brought in the culprit who tripped the alarm. So I'm going to ask you to be brief Lupin," Thaliard said looking suddenly anxious, "the woods have ears, as you know. Walk and talk with me."

"Is the Dark Lord moving closer with his plan for taking over the Ministry?" Remus asked quickly, walking away from the perimeter.

"Not that I know of," Thaliard said. "But, I'm not exactly the best person with matters of that nature, I've been living away from gossiping mouths."

"Would Caliban know?"

"Probably, he's been promoted up the ranks so knows most of the comings and goings of Greyback and the Dark Lord. He likes to brag he got the gig because of his skills, but mostly it's because the massacre in Kent took out so many of us, and he's probably one of the scariest among the older males we have left."

"Has Greyback been planning something, or been acting strangely lately?"

"No more than usual," Thaliard said chuckling.

"Have you heard anything about Mad-Eye Moody?" Remus asked, suddenly thinking about the poor man's body and how the caves might make for an ideal place to hide it.

"Mad-Eye Moody? The Auror?"

Remus nodded.

"No, I haven't why?"

"He's dead." Remus said simply. It was all too much to try and explain everything to Thaliard now, especially when others might be out there and would not hesitate in bringing Remus in for Greyback.

"Sorry to hear it," Thaliard said, his brow furrowed.

"His body is lost and we've been trying to recover it, but Greyback and a few of the others were in the area we were searching. I was wondering if Greyback had recovered it and is keeping it hidden in the caves."

"Like I said, I'm not the one who would be good for that kind of information."

"Is there a way you can contact Caliban, to have him try and contact me? It's important I get answers."

"He's not here," Thaliard said. "Greyback sent him out to stalk a family in Cornwall."

"Do you know what family?"

"We're usually not given names, just addresses when we go after families. Liv was the one to bring it in."

"He's attacking the entire family?" Remus said appalled at the depths Greyback went to in the name of revenge.

"Yeah, the father was a Death Eater back in the Seventies, and has only been putting in a half hearted effort for the Dark Lord, since he now he has a family and the career of being a Dark Wizard doesn't look so good when you have five mouths to feed. So Caliban is having to target the family members and not the man."

"But the moon is not for three more weeks. Why he is in Cornwall _now_?"

"You really want me to try and explain to you the demands of Greyback? I'd sooner decipher the ramblings of a madman!" Thaliard said incredulously.

"No that was stupid of me. I remember what it was like. You did what you were told, no asking questions, no deviating on the plan."

Thaliard said looking around the woods trying to see something Remus could not even comprehend. "Lovely having you back here old chap, but you're going to need to leave unless you'd like to have your wife be a widow."

"Yes, right, of course," Remus said, suddenly feeling scatterbrained, "can I speak with you again Jack? Somewhere away from the woods?" Remus was starting to feel the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach, like someone was watching him.

"Sure, I'll bring Thaisa with me shall I? Make it look like we've gone on an outing?"

"Will Greyback let you do that? Take the children away from the caves, I mean."

"I told him to piss off when it comes to my daughter," Thaliard said fiercely. "Greyback, despite his sadistic nature, does in fact care about family, and so I've been able to take her with me during my banishment."

"Does someone watch her while you're on patrol?" Remus asked, thinking it the height of bad parenting leaving a three month old alone in the woods. But who was he to say what was best; he had been contemplating the death of his own unborn child for over a week now.

"Some of the females rotate through, the ones who have a newborn or lost a newborn are able to feed her, change her, put her down for her nap."

Remus then thought of something. Thaliard was living with a child effected by lycanthropy, he could be the resource he might need should Nymphadora carry their child to term.

"Jack, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Thaisa, about the-"

"Stun me!" Thaliard said quickly in a hushed tone, as the muffled sounds of footsteps could be heard in the distance. "Make it look like you overpowered me!"

"When can we meet again?" Remus said quickly, drawing out his wand.

"Tomorrow, meet at the Muggle campgrounds, in the car park at say half ten?"

"See you then," Remus said before waving his wand and stunning the man. Without a second glance to loud _thump_ of Thaliard's body dropping to the ground, he quickly Apparated on the spot landing some distance away from the cottage, disappointed he was not able to gain any more useful information. Walking back towards the house, however, he could not escape the feeling that he was still being watched. He was feeling better about doing something constructive for the Order. He no longer felt so useless, felt he had a purpose now. The threats were still real, the danger to himself and to her seemed to be mounting, but there was something to be said about being of use, of being apart of something bigger than himself.

Not only that, but something about being back in the woods, seeing Thaliard again, hearing about Lavinia, he seemed to find himself more at ease. It was slowly dawning on him that their were people outside of the Order who cared about him and his well being.

He had friends.

But it wasn't just that, he had friends who understood his struggle, understood what it meant to have loved and lost, friends who were willing to risk their own lives for him. Why hadn't he thought of them before now? Why had it taken a message from Kingsley to get him to go back there? Poor Lavinia. He had dismissed her for her foolish behavior when all the while she was willing to sacrifice herself in order to save him. It was probably all in vain, as Greyback would be after him with or without Lavinia's compromise. He owed it to her to find her again, to make amends from their last meeting. He wanted to tell her about Nymphadora and the baby, to hear her take on it. And Thaliard, he had Thaisa, why had he not thought of it sooner? Thaliard knew what it was like living with his child having to transform every month. Suddenly, the possibilities did not seem so frightening. Suddenly, he felt something other than fear and loathing, it was almost something like... excitement.

But how could he be excited over the prospect of having a child, a perfectly innocent child, _his_ child, made to suffer every month from such a horrific condition? No, there was nothing to be excited about. But he'd meet with Thaliard all the same, see Thaisa, see the toll it was taking on the baby.

Tonks came home a little later, and almost as soon as he greeted her, she made a mad dash for the bedroom, rushing around wildly to find something more suitable to wear.

"What has you in a state?" Remus asked.

"Just wanted to find something nicer to wear for the meeting tonight, is all." she said, holding up several different tops in the mirror, before deciding on one.

"It's not a fancy dress party, Dora, we're just going to an Order meeting." Remus said, bemused at her trying on so many different options.

"I know I don't know why I'm fussing so much, no one is going to notice a lick about what I have on or what color my hair is." She said, morphing her hair through a variety of the lengths and colors, finally settling on curly blonde, her eyes the color of warm amber. "Ready?" she asked, and Remus took a moment to look over her appearance. She looked beautiful, though of course, Remus thought she looked beautiful even at eight in the morning with her hair a tangled mess and her eyes still blurry with sleep. But there was something different about her that simply seemed to radiate her natural beauty.

"Ready," he said, kissing her lips. They walked out the front door hand in hand and Apparated together to the Burrow. Landing outside the protective enchantments they quickly walked through the barrier. Tonks seemed to be looking around for someone or something as they walked the length of the yard up to the Burrow.

"He said he would meet me," she muttered, fussing with her hair.

"What was that?" Remus asked confused.

"Dora Tonks, as I live and breathe!" said a rough voice from behind them. Tonks turned around quickly to find Charlie Weasley grinning like a mad man, holding his arms open to her. Her odd behavior, wanting to look nice, was starting to make sense to Remus and he found himself a little jealous.

"Charlie!" she squealed and hugged him tightly, before he picked her up off the ground, spinning her around.

"How the hell have you been?" he said, putting her down at last, looking her over as though she was a very rare species of dragon.

"Never better!" She said happily. "I got married!"

Charlie's smile faltered ever so slightly. "Yeah, mum told me, is this the lucky bastard?"

"Oh shit, sorry, yeah Charlie, this is Remus Lupin, my husband." She said, looking behind her as though seeing Remus for the first time. Remus smiled and held out his hand, which Charlie shook enthusiastically with his rough calloused hand. He very much had the look of being a Weasley, with his red hair and many freckles, but he was not quite as tall as Ron nor quite as handsome as Bill, but had a rugged quality that no doubt made him very popular with the ladies. Remus could certainly see how he and Tonks would have been good for one another. Even them standing together they seemed like a well-matched pair.

"Charlie, I've heard so much about you," Remus said kindly. In truth he had heard very little about the man, and had only recently been informed as to the seriousness of Tonks and his relationship.

"And you! Apart from Bug over here, mum doesn't shut up about you in her post!"

"Don't you start calling me Bug, Charles Weasley," she said seriously.

"What? You'd like if I called you Nympha-" but Tonks punched Charlie hard on one of his muscular arms. "Ow! Worst than the dragons you are!"

"Yeah, you haven't seen anything yet," she said an eyebrow raised, smirking.

"Auror training certainly has made you stronger," he said massaging the place she had hit him. "That actually hurt this time."

"It's amazing what time does to people," she said still grinning wildly.

"I know it. Can you believe Bill is tying the knot?" Charlie said seriously, looking as though this was the last thing in the world he ever thought would happen.

"I know, I feel like it was yesterday he was swearing himself to a lifetime of bachelorhood with the promise of never leaving Egypt."

"Right," Charlie scoffed, "now look at him. Completely love sick. Though, there must be something in the water here, you got married Bug."

"When it's right it's right, I guess," she said, grinning at Remus. "But what about you? Did you bring a date to what is quickly becoming the social event of the year?"

"Nah, I think I'm going to take up the mantle of bachelorhood now that Bill has abandoned the post."

"No cute birds that might tempt you?"

"I think all the pretty ones have flown away and settled down," he said, and Remus could see longing in the young man's eyes as he looked over Tonks.

"So how goes your work in Romania for the Order?" Remus asked, hoping to interrupt any train of thought now passing through Charlie Weasley's mind about Nymphadora. "I can't imagine its been easy keeping in touch with everything going on back home."

"No, but when you have an overprotective mother sending you owl post regularly, and good friends like Buggie here to keep you up to date, I feel I'm pretty well informed."

"I didn't know you owl Charlie," Remus said looking over at Tonks.

"Of course I do! What, just because we broke up ages ago doesn't mean we're not good friends Remus." Tonks said looking incredulous. "Every time Charlie's in London I always go to see him, but that's become something of a rarity of late."

"Yeah, work has been madness." Charlie said, scratching his shaggy red hair. "I know mum and dad would like me to come home more often, but on top of my responsibilities for the Order, I've got my job with the dragons which is a handful in and of itself!"

"So apart from studying dragons, what have you been doing?" Remus asked, genuinely interested in his work for the Order, as Charlie Weasley's name was only ever so often brought up in meetings, and he certainly had no idea he and Tonks had maintained such a close friendship over the years.

"Well, for starters in Romania, I've been working on to forming alliances with some of the more cooperative half-breeds and other expatriates living there. We've created a bit of look out for the vampire covens which are everywhere in Romania. And of course, You-Know-Who has been seeking their help for a while now."

"Have you been able to convince them of our cause?" Remus asked, starting to feel a little more impressed yet a little more depressed knowing this man once in love with Tonks. Remus was certainly impressed with anyone who was able to wrangle dragons and speak with vampires, and the fact he used to be his wife's ex-boyfriend, however many years ago, made him feel the slight sting of jealousy. He wanted to dislike the man on principle, but he was finding Charlie's laid back nature, easy charm, and the humble quality he had when he spoke about his work made it hard for him to do so.

"Some, and they've been able to pass along the message to other covens around Eastern Europe. But you know how vampires can be," Charlie shuddered, "creepy little blighters aren't they? Always staring at your neck, it's weird."

"Even the blokes I know down in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures who manage the British vampires don't like dealing with them," Tonks said, a slight look of disgust on her face. "They say it's not so much the blood thing as the whole living dead thing."

"Yeah," Charlie agreed, looking back at Tonks, a smile creeping over his lips. "Buggie, remember when you came out to see me and Finn, and we went down to that pub, do you remember?"

Tonks was looking at him, thinking rapidly of what was he talking about, before it dawned on her. "Yes! That's right and there was that one bloke, that, oh Merlin what was his name?"

"Anton," Charlie said.

"Anton! That's right! 'You come and dance, and then we make sex,'" she said, adopting a thick Romanian accent. They both started roaring with laughter, and Remus was at quite a loss as to see what was so funny. He suddenly realized why Tonks had been so upset that night Lavinia had turned up. It was hard having to listen to old friends and jokes only they had were privileged to know. "Remus, you should have been there," Tonks said, wiping a tear away from her eye.

"We thought he was talking to Bug-" said Charlie.

"But he was talking to Charlie!" Tonks laughed. "The look on your face was priceless! Oh Merlin, thanks, Charlie."

"For what?" Charlie said, breathless from laughing.

"For making me laugh that hard, it's been ages since I've had a good laugh."

"Come out with Bill and I, we're thinking of heading into town after dinner for some drinks."

Tonks suddenly looked wistful and Remus knew she was thinking about how much she wanted to go with them. "I'd love to Charlie, but I should probably go home after dinner. I'm having to go into the office earlier seeing as things have been so shambolic now, well, since he's gone."

"Oh Buggie, I was sorry to hear about Mad-Eye. Any luck on finding his body?" Charlie said looking suddenly serious.

"Unfortunately not, and the Ministry hasn't had anything come up, so it's likely the Death Eaters have it."

"Then all the more reason to come out tonight," Charlie said, that charming air back in his voice. "We'll toast Mad-Eye, Merlin knows how much the man liked his drink."

"I don't know," she said, still looking skeptical.

"Oh come on, now," Charlie said, still smiling, "don't tell me you've become an old fuddy duddy since I saw you last. If that's what marriage does to you, I will happily die an old bachelor."

"No really Charlie, I would, you know I would, but I _need_ to get some sleep. I haven't been sleeping so well lately, and especially not since..." her voice trailed away.

"Well, alright, I can excuse you this one time, but I'm not leaving until we've gone out, even if it means I have to carry you there."

Tonks laughed. "If it's going to get you out of my hair, fine, I'll go out with you. But it's going to have to be after the wedding. Work has got me full up till then."

"It's a date." He said, tilting his head slightly to the right with a smug look of accomplishment on his face.

"Not a date Charlie," she said, her wide eyes pointedly flicking over to Remus.

"Oo, right, the husband, Remus you're more than welcome to come along if you'd like." Charlie said looking sheepish in a very Ron-like manner for not having the tact of asking him earlier.

"That's alright, you two have too much history together, there would be no way for me to keep up with it all. I'd only be a nuisance."

"Sweetheart," Tonks said, her focus now completely on him. "You could never be a nuisance, not to me. It's been ages since we've been to a pub or gone dancing."

"There's been a very good reason for that," Remus said, surprised she was forgetting the very critical detail that pregnant women were not suppose to consume alcohol.

"We don't have to get pissed to have a laugh, Remus," she said, knowing full well to what he was hinting to. "I know I don't have the stomach for that kind of thing at the moment."

"Bug is off the booze?" Charlie said, laughing slightly and looking stunned. "What are you pregnant or something?"

The awkward silence between them was all Charlie needed to hear.

"Shit!" He said, clapping a hand to his head, staggering backwards, "You've got to be joking Bug, please tell me your joking!"

"Of course I'm not pregnant!" Tonks said, recovering by laughing and hitting him playfully once more in the arm. "I can't drink right now cause, uh, all the stress of work and the War and the Order has, uh, given me an ulcer."

"Oh thank Merlin for that," Charlie said, his eyes still wide and suspicious, looking at Tonks' casual dismissive manner, and the way Remus had immediately clammed up and still had not moved or said a word. "Obviously, not for the ulcer, but could you imagine having a kid now, in the middle of a war?"

"It would be hard, to be sure," Tonks said, wincing ever so slightly through her plastered on smile.

"Hard? I'd say boarding on disastrous, if you'd ask me." Charlie said.

"You're mum and dad did it," Tonks reminded him.

"Yeah, well that was mum and dad, but I can't imagine you having a little bug of your own."

"Are you saying I wouldn't make a good mum?" Tonks said looking hurt.

"Course not!" Charlie said, looking worried he had said something terribly offensive. "I'm just saying it's hard to imagine the girl who said she was going to wait until she was thirty before she would ever contemplate having a child with a baby at twenty-four, in the middle of a war."

"Well I'm not, so let's just move on from the subject shall we," Tonks said, quickly indicating for them to make their way inside. "What I am, however, is starving. I'm excited to see what your mother has made for your homecoming."

"Please, it's not just me she's made dinner for. Almost the entire Order is coming tonight, she's outdone herself and has made a feast, been cooking all day from the look of things!"

"She's been a saint Charlie,"-Charlie snorted back laughter- "No really," Tonks said, scolding him, "and you mustn't pick on her. If cooking and feeding others has been keeping her sane through these mad days, then I say more power to her."

"She was a very big help with our wedding, Dora dear, let's not forget that as well," Remus finally chimed in. He was finding it a little difficult to put in a word when the two of them complimented the other so well it was like they could finish each other's sentences if need be.

"Yeah, thanks for the invite by the way," Charlie said sarcastically, holding the front door open for Tonks.

"It was all rather rushed!" Tonks said. "Besides, you probably wouldn't have been able to make it. It was when you were called in to help with that Swedish Shortsnout."

"Well, it would have been nice to have been invited, Nympha-" but she punched his arm hard to make him stop. "Ow! You need to stop doing that Bug, you'll give me a bruise one of these days."

"I'm going to give you more than that Charles Weasley if you keep trying to call me by my Christen name."

"I don't see you're husband here getting beat to a pulp every time he says it."

"That's because he has been given special permission. Marriage will do that," she said grinning madly between the two of them. Remus felt out of sorts as they took their seats at the dining table for the meeting. Tonks and Charlie were chatting happily next to one another as the rest of the Order started trickling in, all gathering around the table. Molly, as was her custom, began to bring out the food in droves, excellent looking dishes of garlic mash, summer vegetables and a magnificent looking roast. It was then he saw the look of disgust on Tonks' face.

"Something wrong Bug?" Charlie asked.

"Dora?" Remus asked, putting a hand on her back. But at the touch of his hand Tonks scrambled from the table and ran from the kitchen. Remus went running after her, Charlie not far behind, Molly looking at a loss to know why they three of them had left so suddenly. They found her, behind the closed bathroom door, the sounds of her retching behind it.

"Is it her ulcer making her do that?" Charlie asked, looking over at Remus.

"I think it might be," Remus said, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair, startled and wary that she should be vomiting in front of the entire Order.

"Remus?" said a timid voice from behind the door.

"I'm here sweetheart," Remus said, taking hold of the door handle but finding it locked. "Dora, open the door."

"No, I don't want you seeing me like this," she said adamantly.

"Buggie, I've seen you probably in an even worse state than this," Charlie Weasley said, looking as concerned as Remus was feeling.

"Charlie," said Mrs. Weasley's voice from behind them. Both Remus and Charlie looked around to find Mrs. Weasley. "Charlie, if you please, I'd like you to go back to the sitting room and try and persuade your brothers into the kitchen before the meeting starts. They have a look about them that spells trouble."

Charlie hesitated, hearing Tonks vomiting again.

"There is nothing more you can do here, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, a little more kindly. "You can however wangle your brothers into sitting down and behaving themselves so dinner and the Order meeting can get underway."

"Alright mum," Charlie said. "Bug, owl me later alright?"

"Course," said Tonks, false cheeriness in her voice. Charlie walked away reluctantly, looking back at his mother and Remus still gathered around the bathroom door.

"Tonks, dear, it's Molly, are you alright?" Mrs. Weasley said, knocking on the door.

"Fine, I'm fine Molly," said her weak voice from behind the door.

"Remus, do you want to check on her, I don't want to impose." Mrs. Weasley said, moving aside.

"Dora, sweetheart, do you need anything?" he asked, putting his forehead against the door, closing his eyes, wishing there was something more he could be doing for her.

"No, no, I'm just fine. Maybe some water?" she said before they heard her vomiting again.

Molly Weasley put a hand on Remus' arm, startling away him from his line of thought. "When is she due, Remus?" she asked quietly. Whipping his head around to look at Mrs. Weasley who had a small smile on her face.

"How-" he began.

"Remus, I've had seven children I think I can recognize this kind of sickness." He shook his head appreciatively, and Molly grinned broadly. "When is she due?"

"Beginning of April." Remus said, defeated by the woman's intuition.

"April? Oh, Remus!" she said hugging him tightly, his arms pinned to his sides. "April, she's about five or six weeks along? So she is only just discovering the wonders of morning sickness. Don't worry it won't last forever. Usually disappears around the twelfth week. After that, all she'll want to do is eat."

"It lasts that long? Is there anything I can do to help her with it?" he asked.

"Not really, just give her support, hold her hair back when she does get sick. Have some water and crackers to settle her stomach."

"She probably won't even let me do that, she's so stubborn. I don't know how I let her go on the mission the other night. I told her not to go, told her of the possible dangers. But she wouldn't listen…" Remus buried his head in his hands, while Molly rubbed his back comforting him.

"Remus, it's not your fault we were betrayed. No one could have known the trap you wound up in. Tonks is a fighter; she kept my Ron out of harm's way that night as well as keeping herself safe. Both of you did. If you hadn't defended George the way you had, I couldn't even imagine how much worse off he would be." Remus looked up. He felt so guilty there was nothing more he could have done to save George from losing an ear. Snape had always been so devious with his hexes. "If I know her," Molly said fiercely. "There is nothing more important to her right now than the safety of your child." Remus still could not seem to grasp the phrase 'your child' and it took a moment for him to realize whose child Molly was referring to. "Do her parents know yet?"

"No, no one knows besides the two of us."

"Well, you probably should let them know soon. They'll be able to watch her if you have to leave for any Order missions or the like."

"I know, but Nymphadora wanted to wait because she knows how overbearing her mother can be."

"Well, that's a parent's job, as you will soon find out. Have you seen a Healer?"

"Yeah, the night she was attacked from the Death Eater raid she was brought to St. Mungo's where they did some tests."

"Do you know if it's…" Molly looked uncomfortable and Remus knew where she was headed with the question.

"There is no way of testing to see if it will… if it will be like me." He concluded with a sigh.

"I'm sure everything is all right," she said patting his arm.

"Molly, there is just so much uncertainty. Between her flying into danger at every turn with the Order, and the Ministry in a panic since Mad-Eye's death and the worry the child won't be healthy, I am at my wits end. I honestly don't know how we can possibly support a child, she's barely making enough as it is for the two of us, and I can't seem to contribute anything because I can't find work."

"It will all turn out alright," Mrs. Weasley said. "Arthur and I have had our own money troubles, but that certainly never stopped us from having children."

"But Molly, we're at war! Even in peace there is such a dangerous risk for her to carry a child of mine, but to have the added threat of Voldemort, and Greyback, and Merlin only knows who else wants us dead-"

"It was like this the last time there was a war. When You-Know-Who was in the height of his power last time, Arthur and I had five children all under the age of ten, with Ron on the way. I can't say that it wasn't easy, or that there wasn't danger. Every wizarding family was in danger then, as they are now. But what helped us get through the rough bits was our family, especially the love we had for one another. This child is a blessing in disguise Remus, you _have_ to see it like that."

"That's what I've been trying to tell him Molly, but _he's_ the stubborn one and won't listen." Said Tonks, who was standing in the doorway of the bathroom unnoticed by either of them.

"Dora!" Remus said startled. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Molly figured it out did she?" she said smiling at the loving matriarch, giving her a warm hug.

"Tonks dear, I am so happy for you!" Mrs. Weasley said, holding her tightly. "Remus said April?"

"That's right, but Molly, you have to keep it a secret, just for a little while longer."

"I suppose it would be alright. They always tell you not to tell anyone or get too terribly excited until the end of your first trimester, when there is less of a chance for miscarriage."

"It's not even that," Tonks said, "I don't want the Auror Department catching wind of it and then sticking me behind a desk for the rest of my pregnancy."

"Dear, you probably shouldn't work quite so hard, especially now with everything that they're making you do. Would it really be so bad working within the Ministry instead of in the field?"

"For almost eight more months? I don't think so Molly. Besides, the Healer said I could continue to work-"

"-If you took it easy-" Remus interjected.

"-So I don't see what the big deal is." Tonks concluded, giving Remus an exhaustive sort of look.

"Well, once you start getting further along, the fatigue will really start to set in, especially since it's your first pregnancy. So taking time off really might be the most practical option. Though of course, you do have that Black streak of restlessness, so sitting idly by might not be the best plan."

"Look at what happened to Sirius," Tonks said without thinking and all three of them were instantly quiet. But the silence did not last long as the loud sounds of whizzing and popping were heard coming from the sitting room.

"If those boys have let loose anymore of their products in my house, I will skin them alive!" Mrs. Weasley said storming into the next room. Remus could hear her shouting, "Making a mess again! George, just because you're injured, doesn't exclude you from punishment!" The twins started to protest but their mother cut them off. "You know how close we are to the wedding and this house needs to be spotless for when the Delacours arrive tomorrow morning! Charles, I told you to take them into the kitchen!"

"Do you think we'll have such troublemakers in our house?" Tonks asked fondly.

"I am certainly counting on it," Remus said, but in reality his mind was firmly telling him not to think of any children, or their possible traits. They would not live long enough for them to have any personality, or to cause any mischief of any kind besides being a constant source of heartache and the end of their relationship.

"I had almost forgotten their father is Mister Moony." She said wrapping her arms around his neck.

"And its third cousin is Mister Padfoot," he also reminded her.

She laughed, but the smile faded a little. "Remus, you don't think Molly is right about me being restless like Sirius?"

"I think you want to be where the action is, just like Sirius did. But I think you have more common sense than he had. You have to remember, he spent twelve years in a cell in Azkaban to then have Dumbledore make him spend all his time at Grimmauld Place… It was a recipe for disaster."

"I know, and it's not that I'm not worried about the baby's safety, it's just, I can't be cooped up at my desk while everyone is out there fighting."

"I know sweetheart and you won't be. We'll find a way you can be useful while being safe."

"I feel 'safe' is a word we can't use anymore. I think the attack the other night proves Mad-Eye's point of constant vigilance." She was looking very careworn and tired, especially at her mention of Mad-Eye.

"Why don't we get out of here, let the twins take care of the entertainment for the rest of the night?"

"What about the meeting?" Tonks asked.

"Bugger the meeting, Nymphadora, we'll have Molly or Kingsley fill us in later." Remus said, putting a hand to cup her cheek. "You're not well sweetheart. You need rest. If you're so insistent on working yourself ragged to the point you can't even walk back to bed and instead fall asleep on the kitchen table, you need to have at least a few moments of rest in between."

"I have been more tired lately," she admitted quietly.

"Please, for me, for the... baby, you need some rest. Come on, when we go home I'll make you some soup and tuck you into bed myself."

"You read my mind," she said, kissing his cheek before turning around to say her goodbyes to the rest of Order. Molly gave them both a knowing smile and large hug, before they Apparated back home. Remus wondered how long Molly would be able to keep their secret.

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><p>an: now that i have my school schedule down and reliable source of energy to power my computer, the updates should be more timely in my posting them. i seemed to have misplaced my copy of DH, so this part is a little less canon-ish and probably so are chapters to come, but it's all within the realm, or based on conjecture. there is ministry discovery and wedding drama that is on its way, so stay tuned for more!

thank you so much to everyone who has posted a review for this story or who have added this story as one of their favorites! getting reviews for my work are like little rays of sunshine that break up the dark clouds of having to wake up early again for class (ugh). thank you also to everyone who posted a review for "the devil you know". it seems to be developing into a three part drama, so part two should be up soon.

if you would like to be absolutely wonderful and bring a little sunshine to my day, click on the button below and leave a review! all kinds appreciated.


	18. Hopes and Fears

**a/n: **if by some Christmas miracle i was turned into jk rowling, i would not need this disclaimer. however, this is not the case, and therefore i do not own these characters or the universe. i merely play with them in the belief i may someday make them real. **M** rating for adult situations, mild violence, and language. so sorry for the massive delay in posting a new chapter! school and life can be overwhelming and leave little time to sit down and write properly. however, now i'm on holiday i feel confident in being able to get a few more chapters done. thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with it, and as always, i hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eighteen: Hopes and Fears<strong>

Changing for bed that night, Remus was feeling a bit more at ease. Perhaps it was having Molly Weasley know of Tonks' condition that gave him the small relief he was feeling, as though some of his burden had been lessened by the truth coming out. He no longer would be the only one so concerned for her well being and thought Molly just might be the reasonable ally he'd need in persuading Tonks of the dangers in continuing with missions of the same caliber like the one two nights previous.

"How long do you think before Molly spills the beans?" Tonks said, folding down the sheets on the bed.

"She either won't tell a soul, or it will come tumbling out of her mouth without a second thought." Remus said, thinking kindly on the motherly woman.

"Let's hope she can at least hold her tongue for another month or two. I don't know if I want everyone in the Order finding out just yet. You saw how Charlie reacted, I don't even want to see what Kingsley would do."

"Well, I think Charlie was just more shocked over the idea of you becoming a mother."

"And what about the idea of me being a mum has everyone thinking it's ridiculous?" She said, looking thoroughly affronted.

"It's not a ridiculous notion, just something unexpected. But we also shouldn't get too excited ourselves," he said in a less than delicate manner.

"Meaning what?"

"Well, like Molly said. Miscarriage is likely to happen in the first three months."

"I suppose so," she said slowly, climbing into bed, but she was sitting up against the pillows, clearly thinking something over. Remus climbed into bed as well, situating the pillows the way he liked, settling himself in for the night. Very quietly Remus heard her ask, "You don't think anything will happen do you?"

Remus sat up to look at her. "I think we would be very lucky if nothing does happen."

"So you _are_ expecting something bad to happen?"

Remus noted the resignation and weariness in her voice. "Dora, I don't want anything to happen to you, of course not," he said, looking apologetic, as he clearly had wounded her. "But I also don't want to get my hopes up."

"Is that why you've been so cool and distant from me lately? That you'll finally see this baby as a blessing and not some great plague on society and you'll worry too much that I'll miscarry?"

Remus didn't say anything, as he didn't know what to say. The truth? That he knew in his heart if the child didn't die in the next eight months it was sure to die on its first full moon? That she was the soul concentration of all his fear of late?

"Remus, I have to ask you about something." She said quietly, seeing he was not about to respond anytime soon.

"Alright," he said.

"I've noticed something recently and I need you to answer me honestly."

"I think I can do that," Remus said, unsure of where the conversation was going.

"Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?"

The question hung in the air, lingering like a poisonous gas. Remus could see that she looked confused and hurt by the absent accessory on his finger. In all the chaos of news about the baby, the mission going horribly wrong, and Mad-Eye's death, Remus still had not mentioned the fact his ring was missing from his horrific time in the holding cells. Nor had he mentioned the fact they might not even be married in the eyes of the Ministry.

"I, uh," he said, trying to think of the best way to go about explaining it.

"I saw you haven't been wearing it the past couple of days, and I thought it was just because you've been so preoccupied you might have forgotten to put it on in the morning, but now I'm starting to get worried, that subconsciously you are forgetting it because your loyalty to me is waning. Not taking it off then going out to the pub to pick up women are you?" Tonks said, her smile indicated she was joking, but he could see the hurt and worry in her eyes.

"Of course not, Dora. Merlin knows I'd never do that."

"And I know the situation with the baby and everything else has not been a bed of roses, I get it. But I'm scared too, Remus. I'm scared of losing our child."

"Sweetheart," he said sitting up straighter, suddenly filled with deep regret that his own feelings on the matter had begun to effect her so negatively. He knew she was thrilled beyond all imagining over the prospect of being a mum, and despite his best efforts at keeping the outward appearance of care and concern, clearly his subconscious thoughts had been affecting her more than he knew. Or she had become a Legilimens, which would not surprise him in the least.

"I just don't know why you're not wearing your ring. I would think, no hope really, that times like these we would cling to one another, and to our marriage for support."

He looked at her, her beautiful heart shape face, those eyes, still the color of amber, so hurt by his not confessing sooner the truth behind his not wearing it. "I have not been purposely leaving my ring behind, or subconsciously forgetting to put it on in the morning. It's nothing like that."

"Then what?" she asked.

"It's…Okay, I'm going to tell you what happened, but I _don't_ want you getting upset, alright?" Remus said, as delicately as he could. But he could already tell from the look on her face asking her to remain calm would be like asking Gawrp the giant to recite Shakespeare.

"Remus, where is your wedding ring?"

"It's gone."

"What do you mean, _gone_?" All timid manner or quiet hurt had left her voice, and she was sitting up straight now looking fearsome. "Like you were robbed, or you threw it out, or what does 'gone' mean exactly?"

He sighed. "When I went in to report for the full moon at the Ministry, we were asked to take off our clothing before going into the cages-"

"_Cages_?"

"-And because I had become so accustomed to wearing my ring, I completely forgot to leave it at home, so I had to take it off before we went in. I put it with the rest of my belongings, but when I came back in the morning, it was gone."

"Remus," she said, closing her eyes and rubbing her forehead, as though his words were bringing on a migraine. "So you're telling me that the Ministry, more likely those bastards in the WCU, stole your wedding ring?"

"I don't know about 'stole', but it certainly was lost from the time I went into the holding cells until the next morning." Remus said.

"And you were going to tell me about this _when_ exactly?" she said, looking more angry than he had seen her in a while.

"Straight away, of course, but if you remember, the day after the full moon was when you were taken to St. Mungo's and how was I suppose to tell you about the deaths-"

"_DEATHS_?"

"-and my wedding ring being lost when you were so blissfully happy and unaware of anything else?"

"Okay, you're going to need to start from the beginning Remus." She said, staring at him fiercely, but Remus hesitated.

"Sweetheart, it's just going to upset you, and I don't want to do that."

"Oh, I'm already upset Remus, in fact, I'm boarding on livid. This is exactly what I wanted to speak to Scrimgeour about! He spends all his time doing Merlin-knows-what in that office of his, spewing out propaganda that the Ministry is strong and our defensive strategies are working against You-Know-Who, meanwhile there are mass breaks out, people dying and clear violations of the rights of his citizens going on right under his nose!"

"Dora, sweetheart, please, it's not worth it anymore. I spoke to someone in Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, and they just told me to file a complaint." Remus was careful not to mention the fact that they also told him that he had failed to file paperwork for their marriage.

"This is shit!" she said, hopping out of bed, pacing the floor, her hair flaring to a violent red color. "Scrimgeour has another thing coming when I talk to him tomorrow!"

"Dora, really it's not worth it, we can get another ring."

"Remus, that was your _wedding_ _ring!_ Not some cheap token of sentimental value! It was the ring we were _bonded_ together with! We can't just get another ring, that one was _special!_"

"But Dora, if you go off on Scrimgeour you risk losing your job, plus exposing our relationship to the entire Ministry!" Remus said, feeling himself getting a little more upset as she clearly was not thinking clearly. Losing her job at the Ministry meant more than they would lose their only source of income. The Order depended on people like Dora and Kingsley and Arthur for their inside knowledge of goings on at the Ministry.

"I don't rightly care at the moment! The WCU cannot go around treating lycanthropes like second-class citizens. And you said something about _deaths_?"

"There were a few, uh, accidents in the cells," Remus said.

"Remus," she said, growling in a manner very similar to Mad-Eye, giving him a glare that told him not to mess about with her.

He took a deep breath before releasing it slowly, trying to relieve the tension between his eyes. "On the night of the full moon, they placed the werewolves in cells by twos and threes."

"_WHAT_?" she yelled.

"They said there weren't enough spaces for all of us-"

"Bollocks!"

"-so we were made to share a cell. And you can imagine what happens when two or more feral werewolves are locked in a confined space together."

She was breathing heavily, and Remus thought she was going to start screaming again.

"Sweetheart, you need to calm down," Remus said, feeling as though he were facing a bull right before it charged.

"How can you ask me to be calm when you've been lying to me all this time?" she said looking so hurt Remus climbed out of bed to hold her. She seemed a little resistant to his embrace, but he could feel her body starting to relax against his own.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Dora, nor to lie to you," he said into her hair, kissing the top of her head. "It's been one of those things that has been weighing heavily on me for some time now, but with everything going on it seemed like the least of our concern."

She calmed herself down a little, looking up sympathetically at him for a moment, remembering something. "Was that why you had blood in your hair that morning?"

"I didn't murder anyone if that's what you're asking," he said coolly.

"No, no, that's not what I was entirely asking. Those cells are placed one right after the other, if someone was killed that night…"

Remus shuddered remembering all the blood. "Well, after we were released-"

"Later than you were told you could leave…"

"- I went back into the changing area and my ring was gone."

"How many Remus?" she said as delicately as she could.

"Dead?" he asked, and she nodded her head solemnly. "Eight, maybe more, maybe less. But that was just the males, I don't know about the females. They had the chance to save an old man, but the guard refused to treat him."

"Do you remember the guard's name?" she asked.

"Maynard," Remus said, thinking it would not be a name he would soon forget.

"Thomas fucking Maynard!" she said, looking even more furious. "I reported him, told the WCU that he was being a prick and clearly they did nothing about it!"

"Was he the one you hit?" Remus asked, smiling a little in spite of himself.

"Yeah. Shit… I'm so sorry sweetheart!" she said looking as guilty as though she had just hit him.

"For what? You couldn't have done anything that night."

"For not asking you about it sooner! I've been a selfish cow lately, couldn't even stop for two minutes to ask you about that horrific night. And the longer I wait to do something about it, the less effective my complaining will be."

"Well, when I went into Regulation and Control they said people had already been filing complaints."

"I should hope so! I'd throw a wobbler if I found out you had been murdered down in those ancient cells!"

"And what are you planning on doing tomorrow?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

"The Ministry of Magic is going to be in pieces when I'm done with it, I can tell you," she muttered, biting the nail of her index finger, thinking over something no doubt devious in nature.

"Dora-"

"Was there anything else that happened that I need to bring to the Minister for Magic's attention?"

"Dora!"

"Remus! Seriously, this is not right and you know it! And someone needs to do something about it!"

"Of course this isn't right! You think I don't know blatant corruption when I see it? But why does it have to be _you_? Why can't some other enraged activist to go off on the Minister? There is too much at stake for you, sweetheart," he said, trying to make her see reason, but he knew it would be to no avail.

"Because you're my husband and I love you and I don't want to see you, or anyone else for that matter, die down in the dungeons of the Ministry from problems that have very obvious solutions! Now, was there anything else?"

Remus looked at her. It was no use. When she got it into her head that something needed to be done, she would do it, or set it right. "They're branding more people."

She shook her head, looking wary. "Who?"

"A young boy of about nineteen, and werewolves from the pack, taken in during a WCU raid in Kent. My friend Thaliard was there, he was the one I shared a cell with that night."

"I heard about the raid, but I heard they all put up a struggle and all the werewolves died in the process. I didn't know any were brought in. And he's all right, your friend?"

"Fine, they let him go actually."

"_What_?" She asked incredulously, looking taken aback. "Just like that, they let him go?"

"Yeah, I found it odd too. They registered him and the three others that were brought in, branded them, took their wands, and then released them with the rest of us."

"Something's not right," she said still looking shock and confused. "No way would they release suspect werewolves so easily."

"Especially ones who know about Greyback's whereabouts." Remus added.

She was still shaking her head, and Remus thought she looked like she might start crying. "I wish I could tell Mad-Eye, get his take on things. He'd know what to do or what was going on."

"Hey," he said, holding out his arms, pulling her in close to hold her, and he could feel her warm wet tears soaking through his shirt. "Mad-Eye is always with you Dora, he taught you well. You were his protégé."

"I know, but I feel so lost without him. I can't focus at work and Robbards is no help. He seems just as lost and confused without Mad-Eye there."

"Things will get better, Kingsley I'm sure will step up more, as he no doubt is going to be the new leader for the Order."

"Kingsley doesn't need anymore responsibilities on his plate. He has enough to be getting on with. I just wish they would take _me_ more seriously. It's such a boy's club in the Auror office, and to them I'm still the clumsy little girl with the big attitude and bright hair colors. They don't realize that I can handle the extra work load, or at least take on some more of the managerial work."

"Dora," Remus said, frustrated she was still on about continuing to work so hard.

"No really, I could handle it." She said defiantly.

"I have no doubt you could handle it. There is, however, the small matter of you carrying a child making you prone to fatigue and nausea."

"I've only thrown up once today," she pointed out.

"And what have you eaten?" Remus said knowing the answer to be little to nothing at all. The soup he had made her when they had come home from the Burrow she sipped at weakly before declaring herself full.

"I had, uh, lunch," she said evasively.

"Dora, please, I'm begging you. You need to take better care of yourself."

"Remus, I don't want to argue, I'm tired, it's been a long day, and it's going to be an even longer day tomorrow."

"Nymphadora," he said sternly, "I want you to promise me that whatever happens, you are not going to throw a wobbler in front of Scrimgeour."

"I can't promise anything Remus. I'm pregnant, and prone to hormonal mood swings. I can't be held responsible for anything I do or do not say."

"Dora," Remus said, and a small frustrated sigh escaping his lips. "You are much too stubborn for your own good."

"And you are much to passive aggressive for your own good."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, you see the injustices of what the Ministry did that night, but you haven't done anything about it."

"And what would you have me do? Storm into the Ministry and demand better treatment of killers?"

"You're not a killer Remus," she said.

"I have killed before, you know that," he said quietly, not wanting to remember the moment of painful realization that he had torn a man behind all recognition.

"But you're not Greyback, nor are you like some of the others who deserve-" she stopped, wincing.

"Who deserve that kind of treatment? Is that what you were going to say?"

"Well, some of them deserve a less than friendly manner of treatment, just as any Dark Wizard deserves the same."

"I can't argue with that, but I can argue the fact that even you see how the treatment of my kind can make people prejudiced. And you're not prejudice-" he added quickly, seeing as she was about to protest- "but just think about other people who work in the Ministry. They feel the same way you do, that some, if not all of us, deserve to be treated as a great menace on society."

"Not everyone in the Ministry feels that way, Remus." She said impatiently.

"Then why do you still hide the fact we were married?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it, thinking of something to say. "We don't know about how they would react to our marriage." She said finally, not quite looking at him in the eye, returning to her own side of the bed.

Remus walked back over to his side, and settled in for the night. Perhaps now would be a good time to tell her he knew exactly the reaction the Ministry would have to their marriage. But he couldn't bring himself to admit the fact that because of what he is, their marriage, even their love, was under fire. But he took a deep breath, and looked over at her. "You haven't told people, Dora, because you know as well as I do that people would treat you differently when they find out what you married."

"You're not a 'what' Remus, you're a who, with the same rights and privileges any other witch or wizard has."

He took another frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair. He didn't feel like explaining it to her again, he simply did not have the patience anymore.

"We need to stop having arguments in bed, I think it's making me prone to not wanting to sleep." She said laying down and rolling over on her side so her back was facing Remus.

"It's better these things come out now instead of having them boil inside, as you've been so quick to point out in the past."

"Goodnight Remus," she said briskly, an icy tone in her voice. _Hormonal mood swings, indeed_, Remus thought with wide eyes. It was going to be an interesting time leading up to April when she went so easily from hurt and betrayed, to livid, to weeping, back to indifferent in a matter of minutes.

By the next morning, she looked determined and stubbornly refused to hear anything Remus had to say about her confronting Scrimgeour and the consequences that it posed.

"Remus, someone has to do something." She said fiercely, doing up the buttons on her Ministry robes.

"Then write a Howler, or some more anonymous post to Umbridge. At the very least, do something that does not compromise your position. You risk losing your job, Dora. I don't think you're quite understanding what that would mean for us and for the Order."

"Sometimes Remus there are more important things besides a job," she said fiercely, but could see he was starting to make some sense to her, and knew that despite her rather icy exterior, she was thinking over everything he had to say.

"Will you at least promise me you'll try and eat something today? I'd like to only be worried about you losing your job and not your health for once."

"Yes, I will try and eat lunch. Maybe you can come again into the office and bring it to me," she said lightly kissing his lips. "You know, it's been a while since we've done something fun outside of this cottage."

"Because we've had such a _plethora_ of time on our hands," he said sarcastically.

"I know, but we could make time," she said, her the nails on her fingers scratching his back lightly, the way he liked.

"Dora," he said, willing himself not to enjoy what she was doing.

"Stop being such a stick in the mud and enjoy yourself a little Remus. It could be sweet f a for the lot of us tomorrow, and I don't know about you but I don't want the last thought in my head to be about the fact we haven't even had sex in weeks!"

"You're going to be late," he said, exasperatedly.

"Don't think I'm done talking about this," she said, looking down at her watch and realized indeed she was running behind. "We're going to do it soon Remus, or I'm simply going to explode."

"Darling, no one ever died from lack of sex," Remus said, humor finally creeping its way back between them. "Too much sex, perhaps. Lack of it, not so much."

"Oh ha ha," she said, a playful smirk on her own lips. "I'll see you later then." And she kissed him roughly, revealing how much indeed she had been missing his touch.

"Yeah, later," Remus mumbled, stunned for a moment by the manner in which she left him. It was true it had been some time since they had been intimate with one another, but when he was in a constant battle with himself about how he was to go about telling her how much he did not want her to carry his child, he thought fooling around with her might send mix signals. However, the lack of intimacy in their relationship was starting to create a wedge between them, driving them further apart, Remus could almost physically feel it. _It's for the best_, the cruel part of his mind would counter his feelings of loneliness. _Loneliness is something you've been dealing with for awhile, yet here you are, married and still feeling quite alone. Lifetimes could go by, but there will be no escape from being isolated from everyone else because of what you are. _

Remus hated feeling like he had no control over who he could or could not love, nor did he like the feeling that the crueler side of his brain was beginning to win out for his sanity. The more angles he looked at their marriage and the child, all he could see was an empty void, a black hole that everything they had created was headed towards.

It was a grey sort of morning, not the ideal weather for taking a stroll through the woods. Reading over the copy of the _Daily Prophet_, he saw the weather report sited showers in London, which no doubt meant showers in Devon. He thought about taking his traveling cloak that not only had Undetectable Extension Charms on the pockets inside, but also regulated the wearer's temperature accordingly and was impervious to most elements including fire. It was one of the most expensive gifts he had bought for himself after he had taken the post at Hogwarts and had an income once more. Although it had proven itself in usefulness, Remus still could not stop thinking of its cost and what he should have done with the galleons instead. There was something inside _Daily Prophet_ that caught Remus' attention. Bypassing yet another full page advert for Rita Skeeter's new novel, _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_, already a best-seller, he found reported in a small paragraph near the back where the death and birth announcements were kept, a small article about the missing in action, and possible death, of Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody. It was small, barely even worth the parchment it was printed on, but Remus was struck by what was reported in the _Prophet_.

"_Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, famed Auror and once Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been reported as missing in action by the head of the Auror Department, Gawin Robbards. 'Mad-Eye was a wonderful mentor and friend, and his sudden absence has left us all greatly grieved,' Robbards told the _Prophet_ Wednesday. Auror Robbards could not comment as to what Moody was doing at the time he is reported to have gone missing, nor could say what area he was known to have been last, but said that in any case, it was just as likely the elderly Auror might have perished in battle. 'You don't know what it's like,' Robbards said, agitated by this reporter's persistent questions, 'going up against fifty or so Death Eaters. It's chaos, and Mad-Eye could have easily been swept up in it all.' Robbards also left this message for our readers: 'Anyone with any knowledge of seeing him, or his body, is asked to contact the Auror Department immediately, as we are eager to bring him home.'_"

Remus was almost appalled by the blatant lie printed on the pages of one of the more respected Wizarding newspapers, but the _Prophet_ had been nothing but gossip, speculation and propaganda of late, so he was not terribly surprised. He did, however, find it almost clever on the part of Robbards to issue an alert for the readers to be on the lookout for his body without coming outright to say Voldemort had murdered the man. Having combed through the forest, and knowing Greyback as the tracker he was, he wasn't sure anyone was going to find him, but it didn't hurt to hold out hope that they might bring him back for a proper burial.

After breakfast, he changed into suitable attire before Apparating for the woods, where he had promised to meet Thaliard for more information on Voldemort and Greyback's movements. He went to the car park, as had been planned, and found Thaliard standing next to an old banger of an automobile.

"Jack," Remus said walking briskly over towards the man, who was situating himself and strapping a wriggling three month old into what looked like a large piece of fabric draped diagonally across his body. Remus recognized it as one of the carriers used by the females in the pack when they wanted to keep their babies close to them for feedings, but needed the ability to keep their hands free. Thaliard, however, did not seem to be mastering the art of the baby sling.

"RJ," Thaliard said, giving Remus a weary sort of expression, clearly out of his depth when it came to handling his daughter. The infant was breathing heavily, and Remus knew she was on the brink of wailing from her father's attempts at placing her into the sling. "Have you ever worked one of these things? It's bloody impossible!"

"I think you might want to just hold her Jack. I don't think she's going to cooperate any more than she is."

"She's a stubborn little thing," Thaliard said chuckling, giving up trying to put Thaisa into the sling and handed her over to Remus, who awkwardly took hold of the little girl while Thaliard took the sling off his body. "I didn't think it was possible for someone so tiny to have such a strong personality. Mind her head RJ, she's strong, but she's not that strong yet."

Remus gazed in wonder at the tiny creature in his hands. Being nearly four months old, Remus could see she was not developing properly. Thaisa didn't have the plump belly and chubby extremities of a baby who was being carefully nourished and weighed hardly anything at all in his hands. There was also something haunting in her brown and amber eyes. But apart from her being a little smaller than most her age, she looked no different than any other baby. At least, from what Remus could see, and he certainly was no expert when it came to what was normal or not in children this young. He saw very little resemblance to Thaliard. She had the beauty of her poor mother, and Remus felt sure, this was not Thaliard's biological daughter. But that certainly was not stopping him from loving the girl any less, because whoever Thaisa's real father was, he certainly was not stepping forward to claim her.

The trembling bottom lip of Thaisa's tiny pink mouth seemed to calm as the child looked back at Remus with curiosity. The last time Remus had seen the little girl was shortly after her birth, when Thaliard had announced to them all that he had a daughter, and then shortly afterward when her mother, Marina, died. It wasn't long after Marina's death that he began to re-associate himself with his life as a wizard, and he began spending less time with the pack, and more time with members of the Order. This was of course right before Dumbledore's death and before Tonks' outburst in Hospital Wing. It seemed ages ago, the life he used to have with them all, with Lavinia and Caliban and Thaliard, like a distant memory or the fading recollection of a dream.

"Looks like she's taken a fancy to you." Thaliard said, looking down with pride at his daughter, who was finally calm.

"She's an infant, she cannot be the greatest judge of character," Remus said, looking down at the girl, who indeed seemed enthralled by Remus, but he could not possible see why.

"You'd be surprised what she can suss out about people. But she's never very good with strangers. Even some of the females that have been looking after her for a while say she still doesn't recognize them and wails horribly."

"Children have always been rather comfortable around me," Remus said honestly. "I have no idea why."

"_Have you ever seen eyes like that?" James said, puffed up with pride, looking down at his son in his basinet, who was staring up at them all with newfound wonder._

"_Yes I have actually," Remus said, laughing a little looking at Lily. "Your wife Prongs, for one." _

"_Oh yeah, thought there was something familiar about them," James said, smirking over at his wife. _

"_But he certainly has that unruly hair of yours," Lily said, touching gently the patch of jet-black hair on top of the tiny boy's head. _

"_He's a Marauder for sure, no doubt about it." Sirius said, looking just as proud as James, as though this too was _his_ son being admired. Remus knew, however, that he was still smug about having been asked to fulfill the role of godfather. "He's got that look about him that just says mischief."_

"_The boy is barely a week old and you can determine he's going to be a troublemaker?" Remus asked his friend seriously. _

"_No, but as his newly appointed godfather, I'm not letting him go through his Hogwarts career without a few detentions, let me tell you." Sirius said. _

"_I'm already thinking it was a mistake in asking you to be godfather Padfoot," Lily said with that kind smile she always wore. "I was saying Remus would have certainly been the more practical choice." _

"_But not the wisest," Remus said sadly. _

_Lily, innately sensing her friend's insecurity, immediately picked up the baby and asked kindly, "Would you like to hold him Remus? Padfoot has practically been drooling over him since he was born, thinking of all the tomfoolery the two of them will get up too. Even Wormtail has had a go."_

"_Yeah, and what a fiasco that was. Harry started crying and Wormtail nearly dropped the poor kid, the idiot," James muttered._

"_No, it's alright Lil, I'm sure there will be more opportunities when he's a little older for me to hold him." Remus said backing away a little from the infant._

"_Is the big bad wolf scared of a wittle tiny baby?" Sirius said smirking, looking for a laugh, but it merely made Remus even more self-conscious of the fact he would never have this: a home and a wife and a child. He was surprised he was even asked to come over to see the baby, not many would even dare let a known werewolf close to their newborn. But it was a testament to their friendship that James and Lily invited him over for lunch, to see their new baby, to see their Harry._

"_Come now," Lily said urging him, looking down to her son with such love and warmth it seemed to soothe Remus' worry. _

"_He won't bite Moony," Sirius said still smirking, "I've checked." _

_Remus hesitated, looking from Lily to James, who was smiling kindly at him. _

"_Go on mate, we know you won't hurt him. And it's not like you can do anything to him now," James said encouragingly._

_Remus moved forward slightly, so as not to startle the tiny thing with his sudden movement. Lily carefully extended her arms, presenting the child to Remus as though handing over something so delicate and precious it might break with the wrong touch or amount of pressure. "Mind his head," she said as Remus took the child into his arms. Never before had Remus held a child. Sure, he had been in the vicinity of children, had seen babies from afar, but having never had younger siblings, he had not once held a baby in his arms. The boy weighed hardly anything at all, his untidy black hair so shockingly dark on top of a round pale pink face, and Lily's green eyes staring back at him. _

"_There now," Lily said smiling, content at having wangled him into holding the boy. "You're a natural, Moony." _

"_Isn't he something?" James said, still with that manner of parental hubris. _

"_He really is," Remus said._

"Suppose it's something in our scent that allows humans to be comfortable with us. Otherwise, their better judgments would recognize the fact there is something threatening about us, that we're not to be trusted." Remus said, a confused sort of expression on his face. Seeing the little girl, seeing her in his arms, looking relatively healthy and normal, he was startled once more by hope. _See_, said the practical side of his mind, _Thaliard's child is infected and she has done well, she's made it thus far._

'_Thus far' being the key phrase_ said the crueler voice, malicious in its tone. _Who's to say that come next full moon she won't be dead and gone forever? _

"So, you wanted to talk?" Thaliard said, rubbing his hands together. "Shall I get the pram and we can walk about the car park, or shall we venture into nature?"

"Nature I think would suit me fine," Remus said, shifting the little girl into the crook of his arm, freeing his left hand so he could check his watch.

"Need to be somewhere?" Thaliard asked, seeing the gesture Remus made.

"No, of course not, just checking the time," he said, smiling at his friend.

"It suits you, seems to come to you very naturally," Thaliard said, taking in the image.

"What does?" Remus asked.

"Being a father," Thaliard said, no note of sarcasm or humor in his voice. "Fancy taking up the calling RJ?"

"Of being a father?" Remus asked with almost amusement in his voice. How ironic this day was quickly becoming. "I've given the matter a great deal of thought, to tell you the truth." _And found it to be horrible,_ he thought._ But like it or not, it seemed to be happening. _

"And your conclusions professor?"

Remus took a moment, the subtle smile on his lips fading away. "Findings are inconclusive. Shall we get started with our stroll Jack, I don't like being out in a relatively abandoned car park all day. I feel very exposed here."

"Right then, we're off," Thaliard said, holding out his arms to indicate that he could take Thaisa back from Remus to be put into the rather shabby looking pram. It was tattered in places, and certainly appeared to be a few decades old, and Remus wondered how it ever would work on the dirt paths or grass in the woods, but the fact Thaliard was in possession of one was something of a luxury to those in the caves.

"That's alright, she's all settled in, best not to disturb her," Remus said, looking down at the little girl. There was something very soothing in holding a baby. The warmth of her body against his, the slow, full body breaths the child made, all seem to make Remus rather content. Again, hope seemed to spring from a well that had long been boarded up, but the duality of his rational thought kept him from enjoying any satisfaction in it.

"Ah, well, you say that now, but give it another ten minutes or so, and you'll be begging me to take her back. She can become rather heavy holding her for long periods of time, believe me I know."

"I'll let you know if I want to put her down," Remus said, the little girl securely in his arms as they began their walk towards the forest. "She weighs hardly anything at all."

"Poor little lamb," Thaliard said, looking at his daughter sadly, as they took a less traveled path, which was not as clear and was dense with trees, making the grey day even darker. "She seems to be horribly ill all the time and with the transformations each month… well, you know how thin we can get, our metabolisms are so much faster. It seems to be true even for babies. But she certainly has an appetite, as she's terribly hungry all the time, so that's something at least. Some of the females were telling me that their own children don't seem to be quite as hungry as they should."

"I remember how thin the children are," Remus said, nodding his head sadly. He remembered seeing the group of small children, who had banded together out of necessity because they had been taken away from their parents, or had parents who had died in the caves. He remembered the way they would run around, barely clothed. He remembered seeing their ribs, and the bones in their tiny arms and legs and the way the skin was tight over their faces, making their eyes appear large and unnatural.

"Well, I just have to thank Merlin I have her here with me, and that Greyback understands the concept of family and its importance. I suppose that's why he targets the family members, not the person themselves, when he seeks out vengeance. But as grateful as I am to be away from the Ministry, life here has been beastly. It seems the further along the war continues, Greyback has become more and more vicious, so it was absolutely brill when he let me take Thaisa away from the caves."

"I take it conditions haven't improved much since I was there last," Remus said, gently shifting the little girl in the crook of his arm. Thaliard was right, she weighed hardly anything, but his arm was starting to get sore.

"Not much, things are a little cleaner I suppose, but not much better in terms of medicine and help of that nature. The females are threatening to stop trying to breed if Greyback won't listen to their demands."

"That can't make him very happy," Remus said darkly. Mutiny of any kind was typically eradicated at the first whiff of unrest.

"Well, what can he do about it? I don't blame them. I'd close my legs too if it meant nine long months of agonizing only to then risk your life for a child who may not even survive."

Remus' old friend guilt started to greet him once more. Wasn't he here to find comfort in the fact Thaliard could have a daughter without much complication, not to find even more guilt in the fact Nymphadora was made to suffer the same as these other females?

"So you wanted more information about the Dark Lord?" Thaliard said, and Remus was surprised in the abrupt manner he steered the conservation.

"Whatever you can tell me will be of so much help to my organization." Remus said deciding finally, seeing how the little girl's eyes were slowly beginning to close as exhaustion took her over, put her in the pram.

"Well, like I said before, I'm on the outs of the pack at the moment." Thaliard said, stopping so that Remus could carefully put Thaisa into the ancient looking pram.

"Whatever intel you have will help Jack," Remus said, shaking out his sore arm.

"Toldja didn't I, that she'd get heavy?" Thaliard laughed, pulling up a small quilted blanket, taking care to make sure the little girl would not be cold while he pushed her along in the woods. "Anyway, all I know is what Liv told me about Greyback, and that Caliban is out stalking some poor bloke's family in Cornwall."

"Is he getting restless? What I mean to say, has Greyback been more agitated than is typical?"

"I haven't seen him around much to be honest," Thaliard said with a shrug. "Only twice since I've been back. In fact, he was to be in the caves yesterday, but has already left to do Merlin knows what to Merlin knows who."

Remus sighed. Thaliard had always kept to himself and stayed out of the politics of the pack, thinking it best not to make waves in such a small group of people so tightly confined. Remus thought this a sensible course of action, as he had received so much attention when first joining up. He was the outsider, the man who had tried to make a normal life for himself, the Hogwarts professor, the unmistakable signs of wanting a normal life. But he had made friends, three friends that despite the whispers and warnings against him, became his most trusted confidants. But now, being away from them all, being away from the pack, Remus found he missed it. He didn't miss the miserable conditions, or the way he was made to sleep on the ground and wake up with an aching back, or the lack of food, or the longing for Nymphadora, especially on those cold winter nights when his loneliness was so great. But he did miss the companionship, the mutual understanding amongst them all, because here, he was no longer the freak, the dangerous animal to be kept away from decent society. He was simply RJ. But most of all, he missed being of use, of being important to the Order, of being able to be in the thick of it all to pass along reliable, firsthand information to Dumbledore. He was disappointed he could not find out more, but investigating further meant risking much more than he was prepared to give at this moment. If what they had been telling him for so long now, Greyback would use any excuse to capture, torture and kill him for his treachery. He wished there was more he could do for the Order, wished there was someway he could provide them with something more than just the word of men and women who loved to do nothing more than gossip.

"How is Lavinia?" The mention of Liv reminded Remus of what she had done for him, the sacrifice she was making on his account.

"She's good, like I said before, she's been more of her old self lately."

"I'm glad to hear it, she was a mess last I saw her."

"She was a mess," Thaliard said chuckling. "Who am I kidding, she still is a right mess. But she's better, not so out of control."

"I'm sad to say I have not seen her in some time," Remus said, and he was genuinely worried about her.

"That's surprising, last we spoke she couldn't seem to keep away!"

"Well, I think after the last time Liv and I saw each other, we did not have the most pleasant words to say to one another."

"She hasn't taken it to heart, and by the way she still talks about you, you would think you two were still thick as thieves!"

"You still love her don't you?" Remus said. He didn't know what compelled him to say, didn't know what suddenly urged him on to so bluntly ask Thaliard about something so intimate and personal.

Thaliard looked startled for a moment, appraising Remus before answering. "Liv and I are friends, good friends, and I think that's all it's ever going to be between us."

"But that's not what you want?"

"Course not, but what I am going to do about? When she's not wailing about Bass, she's prattling on about you. There is no room in her heart to love me, especially now I have Thaisa to think about."

"You said she was helping out with Thaisa?" Remus asked, glancing down to the sleeping baby in the pram. "I can't imagine she wouldn't do that if she didn't have some feelings for you and some love for Thaisa."

"Well, she sees her as much as she can, but now that she's busy using her tracking abilities for Greyback, she hasn't been around as much as she would like. But she's a natural when it comes to changing nappies or getting her to eat. And that does take some amount of love."

"She has a good heart, a true heart. And once she stops blaming herself for Bass' death, she'll realize how much she really cares about you."

"And I'm to be taking advice from the old married man, am I?" Thaliard said with an amused grunt.

"Do you think you'll ever leave the caves, leave the pack for good? I know you don't want Thaisa growing up living in the dirt and squalor."

"I certainly don't, but I don't have much of a choice in the matter at the moment. I've been out of work for so long, I wouldn't even know where I'd get the two galleons to rub together for a mortgage. Liv had been tracking down places that I could let, but the girl has such expensive tastes, there was no way I would be able to afford any of the places she had found. She said we could move into her mum's place, but there is no way I'm leaving an infant in the care of her mum, who can barely recognize her own daughter. No, I'll just have to find some means of employment and hope for the best."

"Jack, there are a few things I want to ask you about Thaisa, and feel free to tell me at anytime to shut up and mind my own business."

Thaliard laughed. "Alright, you've peaked my interest RJ. First it's personal questions about Liv, now you want to know about Thaisa. What has you in such a curious mood?"

Remus shrugged. He didn't know how to go about explaining all of his personal issues, the real reason he was standing in the very woods he feared the most. "I wanted to ask you, how it felt to have a daughter who inherited our condition."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you ever feel guilty for passing along something that could have been prevented? That someone so tiny and small and fragile is made to suffer cruelly at the mercy of a disease you and Marina gave her?"

Thaliard took in Remus, studying his face, seeing the deep frown lines along his brow. "Of course I feel guilty, but what could have been done to prevent it? Marina was a lycanthrope, and I am a lycanthrope. There was no choice but for our daughter to be a lycanthrope."

"Yes, but what if you had never slept with Marina, or had prevented her from becoming pregnant? Wouldn't that have been better than having to watch your daughter transform every month, constantly on edge, thinking she might die?"

"Remus, Thaisa is a gift, truly a blessing. She is alive, and healthy for the most part. A little thin perhaps, but otherwise healthy. There is something to be said for the fact she's a fighter. She survived the nine months Marina would transform, and she's survived every moon since."

"But aren't you worried that in a few weeks she might not? Don't you worry you might find her dead?"

"Of course I do!" Thaliard shouted, looking angrier than Remus had ever seen him. The sudden noise of her father shouting woke Thaisa with a start, and before long, she was wailing with the force of a banshee. Remus was overwhelmed that such noise could come from such a tiny little thing. "Shit," Thaliard muttered, picking up the flailing girl, trying to soothe her. "Shh, it's okay baby girl, it's okay," he said, turning away from Remus, so that all he could see was Thaliard's back, and Thaisa's head resting up against his right shoulder. She quickly was put at ease by simply being back in her father's arms, the small bouncing motion he made, his large hand patting her on the back, the low soothing tones of his voice, his familiar scent. Remus found himself a little jealous of Thaliard. A small part of him, perhaps stemming from the part of his mind that was more compassionate and understanding, wanted this, this scene of a father comforting his daughter. He suddenly had the wild image of his own child, a little girl, who had her mother's large, dark eyes and he, scooping her up into his arms to comfort her.

"Your wife is pregnant, isn't she? That's why you're asking all these questions." Thaliard said, his back still turned to Remus.

"Yes," Remus said, desperation in his voice, feeling his body starting to collapse in on itself. He thought admitting aloud as he had done with Molly Weasley would bring some relief. But now he only felt shame.

"She's not like us, there is a chance the baby will be fine." Thaliard said, still soothing his tiny daughter.

"But there is still a risk!" Remus said, frustration and shame making him angry.

"Of course there will be a risk, but RJ, this is a child, a child that deserves a chance at having a life of its own. What does your wife have to say about it?"

"She's thrilled of course, nervous, I think about everything, but happy."

"So where's the problem?" Thaliard said, turning around at last to look at Remus. "Children are blessings, ask any of the parents in the caves, and they will tell you that even with the mortality rate so high, they loved their children, even for the little time they had with them. I know my life would feel incomplete without this little one in my life."

"But aren't you scared she might not survive a full moon?" Remus said quietly, looking at the tiny little girl. She had a very mysterious air about her, and even at fourteen weeks old, Remus could tell she was going to be very pretty. But to have her dead, mutilated by her own hand under the influence of the moon, or even worse, at the hand of another wolf, even Thaliard himself, was a thought to great to bear.

"Of course, but being only a little pup, she doesn't do much more than sleep through the night. The initial transformation is painful, but we have a plan to give her a few potions that might sedate her through the process."

"Is that safe?"

"A few of the other females tried it with their children last moon and they said it helped a little. At least, it seemed to ease their suffering. I'm going to try it on myself first, and then if all goes well, I'll adjust the dosage accordingly and give it to her the following moon. The problem now is how I'm going to get the galleons to buy all the potion ingredients."

"And you don't have any guilt over the fact she suffers so cruelly?"

"A little, I suppose, but RJ, it's genetic. Marina and I both carried the mutation, there was nothing we could have done to prevent it from happening."

"Except not having her," Remus said hesitantly, not knowing how Thaliard would react to such a statement.

"I could not image a life without her in it RJ, and not once throughout Marina's pregnancy nor when Thaisa was born did it ever occur to me that any of us would have been better off without her in our lives."

"I'm sorry if I've offended you," Remus said, sensing Thaliard's hesitant manner, and brisk, cool tone in speaking to him, as though judging Remus for such a pronouncement.

"There's no offense, it's alright. I understand the concern, but RJ, a child is a bl-"

"If you say blessing once more, I might have to scream," Remus said, truly meaning it. He had heard too many people say how his child was to be a blessing. But if it meant the end of his relationship with the one woman he had truly given his whole heart to, how could it be anything other than a curse?

"Well it's the truth!" Thaliard said exasperatedly. "You're a good man RJ, and I would never have pegged you as being someone who was so cynical when it came to these matters."

"I'm not, but when it comes to the life of my wife, or my child, I become over analytical."

"You think?" Thaliard snorted back laughter. "Just take a breather, RJ. Your child has a better shot of being perfectly normal and healthy than Thaisa ever did. She's fine, and so will your son or daughter."

"You don't understand Jack," Remus said, still not seeing why no one could see his side of the argument. "What happens after nine months of loving the child growing inside her belly to then watch it die on the night of its first moon? What happens to my relationship with my wife, who will surely blame me as the cause of her child's death?"

"It's a bridge you'll have to cross when you get there. But there is no use crying over spilled potion, just like there is no use worrying about something you have no control over. What will happen will happen. And from the little I've heard about your wife, I have no doubt she'll stick by your side no matter what. She's put up with you for this long, the woman deserves some kind of medal for having to deal with your insanity."

"Hey now," Remus said smiling. It was true. Nymphadora was a saint for having the patience and love to still put up with his mad mood swings and erratic behavior and the constant frown lines on his face. But he could not help the way he was feeling. He wished he could talk to someone, just one person, who might see his side of the situation, to empathize with _him_ for a change. It was a selfish notion, but Remus was trying to find justification for the brief fleeting thoughts that would pass through his mind of wanting nothing more than to run away and not deal with the situation at all, as though ignoring it would make it go away on its own. But experience had taught him that no matter how far he could run, the problem would still exist.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in pleasant conversation; Thaisa, finding herself tired once more, was set back into the pram for a much-needed nap. Thaliard really was unable to give Remus anymore information than he already knew, or had surmised about Greyback and Voldemort, and was slightly disappointed when he finally told him he should be heading home.

"We'll see each other again soon?" Thaliard said, holding out a hand for Remus to shake, and as he did, he pulled Remus into a fierce hug. "Everything is going to be fine, mate. And who knows, maybe we'll be able to get our two sprogs together for a play date in the future."

"That would be nice," Remus said kindly, looking over to the perfectly sleeping girl in the much too worn out pram. "Oh, and Jack, if you see Liv again, tell her I said thank you for all she's done, but don't tell her about the baby yet. I would like to do that myself."

"Yeah, I think she might go ballistic if she found out about from anyone other than you. So you have my word she won't hear about it through me. But knowing the cunning minx for who she is, she's probably already sussed it out. It's amazing the level of cleverness the girl has."

"She is something," Remus agreed. "And tell her not to be a stranger. Knock on my door for a change instead of stalking about in the shadows, as I'm sure she knows by now where I live."

"You think?" Thaliard said sarcastically.

"It would be nice seeing her again. Sober, this time."

Thaliard let out a bark of laughter. "I'll be sure to relay the message. I feel like I have become your personal owl."

"Don't tempt me, you may just become one," Remus laughed.

He Apparated back to the cottage, but really did not want to go inside. So instead he revisited his garden, something that had been neglected with the revelations and chaos of late. But even in the time since he had been there last, there were only so many things he could do, and not enough time had past before the fruits of his labor came to fruition. He thought of casting a spell or giving them a good spray with a growth potion to speed along the process. But Remus found that magically enhanced vegetables never tasted quite as good as those left to Mother Nature's devices. Eventually, after picking over very weed he could find, there was nothing more that he could do, and decided to message Kingsley about his findings.

"Wagtail?" Remus called out, going into the kitchen where the owl had taken to resting.

"Remus?" said a hesitant voice from the front hallway. Remus looked around the corner towards the source of the voice, clearly not made from the missing animal. Walking hesitantly into the sitting room, he saw Tonks looking highly disheveled, her long brown hair ruffled but not in the stylish way she was accustom to, looking flushed, and Remus thought he saw the swelling of her right hand, bruised, the skin freshly punished. Something was wrong.

"Dora, what is it?" he said, quickly coming over to her to see if she was physically injured, as she was pale and out of sorts. He found it odd she wasn't looking at him, in fact was averting her gaze to anywhere but where he stood. "What's wrong?" he asked again, holding her head in his hands, forcing her to look at him.

"How was your day?" she asked nervously.

"What happened?" he repeated more forcefully. "Why are you home so early? Did something-" and then he knew, knew from the guilty expression on her face that she had argued with Scrimgeour, knew she had compromised herself. "Dora," he said slowly. "What did you do?"

"I stood up for myself and for the innocent people who died during July's full moon." She said stubbornly, finally looking at him.

He let go of her face, walking away from her, running fingers through his hair, frustrated she had not heeded his warning. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his anger. "Tell me what happened, from the beginning."

"I know you told me not to say anything," she said, sounding desperate, pleading with him to understand, "and I wouldn't have said much, no really I wouldn't have! But I saw Maynard in the lift this morning and something inside me just… snapped. It was that goddamn smirk on his face, and I just kept thinking about what you told me that he let that poor old man die when he could have helped him! And so, I… sort of, beat the crap out of him."

"Nymphadora!" Remus said, and for some reason he felt like laughing, felt like hugging her, kissing her, dancing with her. But he had resolved himself to being angry for her doing something so foolish, and so awkwardly put his hand over his mouth to cover his smile.

"So of course word got out I went bonkers in the lift, the departmental memos were flying, let me tell you, all sorts of Chinese whispers about how I've lost my mind since Moody died, or that I haven't been right since the raid on the Scottish Death Eaters. And Robbards then had to come collect me, and practically had to restrain me, only to chin wag the ear off me, so then I got upset with him and called him a lot of rather rude names, none of which I really meant, and that's when he told me he was going to report me to Scrimgeour-"

"Dora…"

"And I said, 'You know, that's a great idea, in fact, why don't we visit him right now?' Well that shut up Robbards right quick, but I pushed the matter until he had no choice but to take me to Scrimgeour's office. Well, his secretary was telling us he wasn't in, that he was busy, all sorts of shite, so I barged my way in, and wouldn't you know it? The little bugger was asleep at his desk. Well, after that it was game on. Woke him up quicker than a revitalizing potion. And in typical Scrimgeour fashion, he gave it back to me just as good as I gave it so our shouting match could be heard no doubt on several floors-"

"Dora!"

"-And then I brought up the matter of your ring. Then he said something rather odd to me, that the Ministry has no record of our marriage."

The blood drained away from Remus' face. This was it, this was the moment he had been dreading when she would find out that they weren't legally married. _The beginning of the end_, the cruel side of mind was sneering.

"So I told him I bloody well was, and then he asked for the name of the bloke I had been married to, and the name of the Master of Ceremonies who performed the service. And I gave him the information, and that was when it came out that the man I had married was in fact a werewolf. So then it was Scrimgeour's turn to smirk because he said there had been no record of a werewolf marrying in over fifteen years! That those sorts of affairs were to be regulated. Remus, did you know something about this? About filing some kind of extra paperwork?"

Now it was his turn not to meet her eyes, to look anywhere but where she stood. "Yes," he said, his voice small and weak.

Her face was almost unreadable, her mouth a thin line indicating her anger. "I see," she said, "because I told Scrimgeour there had to be a mistake, that there was no way my _husband_ would knowingly forget to file paperwork, that he was meticulous about these sorts of things."

"Dora, I didn't know," he began but she gave him a dubious bark of laughter.

"So you _did_ or you _didn't_ know?" she asked. He started to speak, but she held up her hand saying, "Please Remus, whatever you were about to say save it. I actually really don't want to know."

"Dora, I didn't know about the form when we married! I've never heard about it, never thought to even check into the matter. You were always saying that the Ministry had no control over who you were allowed to marry-"

"And they don't!"

"-So I never gave it another thought! Never figured on the Ministry taking such an active role in the personal lives of its regulated creatures. I only found out after you received a letter that there had been some mistake with the marriage certificate. Until that time I had no knowledge of it!"

She looked at him, her anger seeming to lessen seeing the earnest look on his face. "Truly, you had no idea?"

"Cross my heart," he said.

"Well, in any case, I filed the correct forms with the Magical Affairs Department, having to put down your number instead of your name -it was absolutely humiliating- and our case is under review. But I've been suspended for the meantime-"

"_What_?"

"Well, what did you think would happen? You can't have disgruntled Ministry employees during a war, especially not ones who would so openly defy Scrimgeour!"

"Dora, this is exactly what I was afraid of happening!"

"Remus, I really don't care about my job, there are so many more important matters at work right now that need my attention."

"Like what?" Remus asked, stunned she would even say such a thing.

"Like your child, for one," she said, looking even more stunned he had not thought about that first. "Or our work with the Order, or Harry, and more than anything this whole affair has shown me that we need to work on our marriage."

"Yes, those things are important, but Dora, this is your _job_, this is our source of income. How are we to buy food, or potion ingredients, or even things for the baby without the money to do it with?"

"Is that all you could think about right now? _Money_?"

"Yes, by Merlin!" he said, sounding mad, deranged, not comprehending why she wasn't taking this more seriously. "You have never known poverty Dora! You don't know the pain of physically starving away, unable to buy food, or the humiliation of having to wear the tattered clothing you've owned since the time you graduated Hogwarts! You're pregnant Dora! More than anyone _you_ need food, you need warm clothes come winter, and you need the potions the Healers recommended! And how are we to buy those things without money?"

She looked stunned for a moment, clearly not thinking through the repercussions of her actions. "We have a bit saved Remus, I doubt it's going to come down to our starving away."

"It might," he said seriously.

"We can always ask mum and dad if it ever comes to that and things get really bad."

"I'm not in the habit of accepting something I cannot pay back." Remus said coolly.

"We would pay them back, of course we would! But you heard dad at the wedding, if we needed help, we just needed to ask for it. I know you hate asking anyone for help with anything-"

"-I do not!" He said affronted, but he knew she spoke the truth. He hated feeling obligated to anyone, to repay any kindness given to him, because he thought they simply helped him out of pity or charity, not because of friendship or true kindness. And Remus hated to be pitied, at least, by anyone other than himself.

"Of course you don't Remus, don't even begin to play that game with me, because you know I speak the truth." Tonks said, looking at him with narrowed eyes. Remus felt again the unsettling feeling that she quickly had become a Legillimens without telling him. How was it she knew what he was thinking or feeling? Was he that transparent? "Besides, the situation with the Ministry is only temporary. I wasn't sacked, just put on suspension… without pay…"

"Merlin's beard Nymphadora!" Remus said, his feet beginning their familiar pace around the room. "Without pay?"

"We're at war, Remus! I doubt they'll keep me out of the action for too long! The Department is understaffed as it is, and we are too busy at the moment to train new recruits, so we have to rely on those we have left. Even more senior Aurors are stepping up and coming out of retirement to lend a hand. They're not going to let me sit here twiddling my thumbs while You-Know-Who is gaining strength and power!"

"Even still, time away from the Ministry is lost information that could be of use to the Order."

"I'm not the only one in the Order who works for the Ministry, Remus. There is still Arthur, and Kingsley and Mad-" but she stopped, and looked momentarily stunned, as she clearly forgot Mad-Eye was no longer alive. Remus felt empathy for her as she visibly was struggling with her emotions, trying to keep them in check. "Anyway," she said finally, smoothing out her wrinkled Ministry robes, "the Order will not suffer because of my inability to keep my temper in check."

"Dora," Remus said, all anger or unpleasantness gone from his voice, and quickly walked over to hold her tightly. "I'm sorry I yelled."

"No, no, I was being stupid. You were right, I didn't know what I expected going off on Scrimgeour like that."

"Well, at least the Minister is now aware of the injustices involving the lycanthropes. Not many people would challenge him like that."

"I don't know what came over me," she said, her head shaking in disbelief against his chest. "I'm brash, but I'm not usually so idiotic to say some of the things I did to the bloody Minister for Magic. It was just that Thomas fucking Maynard… Well, at the very least I don't think his nose will be right for some time. And... I gave him a few well placed kicks that I must admit were a little below the belt."

Remus chuckled appreciatively. "I would have like to see that. I'm not usually so sadistic as to take pleasure in other people's pain, but he certainly had it coming."

"Well from what you have told me about that night, it was a long time coming. Are you still terribly mad at me?"

"Of course not, sweetheart," he said kissing the top of her head. "I'm just worried for us is all."

"As usual," she muttered humorously.

"Yes, as usual. I'm the elder in this relationship. I feel like it's my duty to also be the worrier."

"There you go again, making yourself out to be some ancient creature, but sweetheart, you're not old! And you needn't worry; everything will turn out for the best. We just need to keep a positive attitude-"

"-And a cooler head." He added.

"… And a cooler head." She agreed reluctantly.

"What did your colleagues have to say when they found our you were married?"

"A few of them looked a little disappointed, but most were really understanding and wished me well."

"You say 'most' but the subtext of that sentence is that a few were less than kind."

"A few," she said slowly. "There were some insults thrown my way, but nothing terribly unkind."

Remus moved away from her, to inspect her face properly to make sure she spoke the truth. He could see the blatant lie written all over it with the way her cheeks flushed and the way she did not quite meet his eyes.

"You know I hate it when you give me that look," she said, walking away from him and into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. "You make me feel like some naughty child who was just caught with her hand in the cookie jar."

"What did they say to you?" Remus asked, feeling again the sting of rejection by proxy.

"Nothing that hasn't been said before." She said, clearly irritated that they were beginning this argument again, looking into the icebox for something to eat.

"Dora, look at me." Remus said firmly, and she looked up from the icebox door, an eyebrow raised in annoyance. "What were people saying?"

"Just the same old shit everyone else has been saying. That I'm perverted and deranged and masochistic."

"Did they threaten you?"

"No, of course not, nor would they while I was still inside the walls of the Ministry. I may be on the outs with the Auror Department at the moment, but I am still afforded some protection."

"Do we need to be worry about nutters coming to the house?"

"No more than usual I'm sure." She said, looking back into the icebox. "They might put a tail on you."

"A what?" Remus asked, thinking absurdly of a long fluffy tail, much like his own on the night of a full moon, coming from the back of him.

"Someone to tail you, I don't know how long, but you can be sure that Robbards is not going to let you go unmonitored any longer."

"What do you mean?"

"In an attempt to add new measures of security to protect wizarding kind, the WCU had a few of the more well known werewolves tailed in case there was an attempt for the werewolves to band together and over throw the Ministry. And who is more famous than you, the werewolf Hogwarts professor."

"Ex-professor." He corrected her. So many people still referred to him as 'professor', or a Hogwarts teacher that he had to correct everyone in saying it had been some time since he taught there.

"Well, a few of the more well known, registered werewolves have been tailed, though of course come back with nothing, because it's the ones who aren't registered they need to worry about. But because Kingsley has connections inside the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, he was able to pull a few strings and made sure you didn't have people following you around all the time. Not that he should have; having a tail of Ministry officers following around innocent civilians is a huge violation of privacy rights."

"That was nice of Kingsley," Remus said, his brow furrowed. The amount of time and energy people had put into protecting him was incredible. And what was more incredible was the fact that he would have had no idea until someone else said something.

"It was nothing. They shouldn't be following you around in the first place. You are no more a threat now than you were before."

"So do I have my own group of WCU agents who are tasked to locate and watch over me?"

"Something like that," she said finally picking out some chicken that had had for dinner a few nights previous.

"Seems like a waste of resources."

"Not completely. I found out why those werewolves from the pack were released. It was to follow them hoping they would lead them back to the pack's location."

"They suspected as much."

"How do you know?"

"I went back to talk to Thaliard today."

"Any new information?"

"Not much, just that Greyback seems to be spending more time in the caves than is typical for him. My guess is that he is either hiding out because he has his own tail, or his planning something."

"Darling, I wish you would tell me when you were going back into the woods. It scares me to think you'll just take off one day without telling me and then, Merlin forbid, Greyback captures and kills you." She said, looking completely serious and still, that it frightened Remus a little, like a tiger about to pounce.

"It was on Kingsley's orders."

"Our new head of the Order really should take more care about sending out its members so cavalierly."

"Did they vote him new leader last night?"

"They did, and Molly invited us over for a dinner for Harry's birthday tomorrow."

"Is it really his birthday again?" Remus asked, sounding oddly far away, as though he seem to be floating somewhere between the past and present.

"That's typically what happens with birthdays," Tonks said, bemused by his nostalgic nature. "They stubbornly tend to come round every year."

"Seventeen," Remus said, shaking his head, feeling so much older than his thirty-seven years. "I remember the day he was born."

"Did you think back then that he would become the 'Chosen One'?" Tonks said, humor in her voice.

"No, of course not, he was only a baby, and we never thought Voldemort would be coming after James and Lily. There had to be dozens of children the prophecy spoke about. Harry Potter could not have been the only magical child born at the end of July."

"Yet he chose Harry," Tonks said.

"He chose Harry," Remus echoed, a feeling of overwhelming sadness creeping over him. He did not know why he had been thinking so much about James and Lily recently. Perhaps it was the fact that they were the only couple he ever was able to witness their love turn to marriage and then into a child. And perhaps it too was his unconscious mind wanting their support now, in light of the fact he may yet become a father.

"He certainly has proven himself to be a very accomplished wizard. No doubt he is making his parents very proud."

"James and Lily would have been chuffed to bits to see how well their son has developed. Though of course, he wouldn't have had to prove himself time and time again if James and Lily were still alive."

"Do you still miss them?" Tonks asked quietly, looking at him with a curious expression, as though she didn't quite know how to go about asking.

"At times," Remus said honestly. "Certainly having them gone nearly sixteen years the sting has gone away, but there are moments when I look at Harry or hear him laugh, or think back to my time at Hogwarts, and I really do miss them. But I know Sirius took their deaths much harder than I ever did, or could. He was as close to James as a brother, a relationship I never had with either of them."

"What do you mean?"

"Peter…" Remus said the name aloud and something seemed to catch in the back of his throat. For some reason, thinking back to his days at Hogwarts, Peter Pettigrew never seemed to surface in his recollections, as though he were some phantom boy taken to stalking the edges of his memories. "Peter and I were always a little on the outside when it came to the four Marauders. James and Sirius were best friends almost immediately from their first encounter on the Hogwarts Express. I was much too shy and cautious about becoming close to anyone. I had been kept away from children my own age, so I never had any real friends and was unsure as to how I might obtain them. I remember my mother trying to explain to me how to go up and introduce myself to all the first years in the house I would be sorted into, and what propriety dictated when it came to introductions and keeping friendships. She made it seem like it was to be a game or a recipe, a simple formula to follow for friends."

"Sounds so sorted," Tonks said, still with that look of concern etched across her pale face.

"Not at all, it was what she knew and how she was raised," Remus said simply. "And it worked for the most part. It was how I met Lily. She was one of the first friends I ever made. And it was because I was seen talking to her did James and Sirius approach me and want to become friends."

"So it would be safe to say you and Lily were close?"

"Very. She was everything to me. She showed me the compassion I so desperately needed. And when I was led away each month, she never confronted me about it, as some of the others would. If she knew what I was in those early days, she kept it hidden, and showed honest concern for me when I would come back to class, asking after the elderly grandparent I had to visit, or how my mother was faring, or any of the other stories I made up to protect my identity. I truly think she didn't know, I'm sure because she grew up with Muggles and the thought of an eleven year old werewolf as a friend was not even a thought that crossed her mind."

"She eventually found out though," Tonks said.

"I had to tell her, it was eating away at me, as though I was deceiving her. She was my closest friend and I could not even be honest about the most basic fact about myself. But when I did, she did not treat me any differently, she did not look on me with pity or disgust. It was much in the same manner you treated me after finding out what I was."

"Were you in love with her?" She asked timidly.

"At one point, yes, I was," Remus said with full candor and a shrug, "but she was never in love with me. I think she look at me like a brother, or simply a very close friend. I was certainly not her only friend, she had so many, as it was hard to find fault with her. But nothing ever happened between us. Besides, James had been in love with her from the moment he laid eyes on her, even if he didn't quite know it then, so she was strictly off limits."

"She sounded like quite a remarkable person." Tonks said, and Remus noted the slight bitterness in her voice. It wasn't cruel, just jealous, as though she still was in competition for his affection.

He took hold of her head in his hands. "She was a lovely human being, and Harry, remarkably, has many of her qualities. But the love I had for her is nothing compared to the love I have for you."

"Truly?"

"Truly," he said firmly, kissing her lips with a small amount of abandonment. This was the most passionate he had been with her in some time, and he could feel his body responding positively to the feel of her lips against his, the slow movement of her hands traveling up his neck and into his hair, the way her back involuntarily arched to press her closer into him. Breathing became staggered as they both felt their hearts racing, almost as one, within one chest, within one body. Remus felt his body almost aching for her to touch him, to press herself tighter against him, to relieve some of his suffering. He once again felt the sensation of being lost in her kiss, lost in the frenzy of battling lips and tongues and hands.

"Bed," she breathed, breaking apart from their kiss only long enough to form the word. Remus took the momentary gap in their passion to look her in the eye, searching for something. "What is it?" she asked, disappointed in this pause.

"Nothing, I didn't know-" but he could not finish his sentence as she covered his mouth with her own. As much as he wanted to protest, as much as the cruel side of his mind was yelling at him that this was a mistake, he simply could not tear himself away from her. He had failed her so much in the past, he justified in his head that he could at least try and please her in this way. But making it all the way upstairs did not seem like in the realm of things that would be happening. Picking her up, Remus sat her down roughly on the kitchen countertop, hands groping, roaming, searching for the unneeded permission, as her own hands her finding their way back to those places they knew would get him going. He didn't know how it happened, didn't know how their clothes were finding their way to floor, didn't know how every inch of him was longing to be inside of her, didn't know how he was able to turn off the voice inside his brain long enough to simply start enjoying himself for the first time in ages; it simply was happening.

He heard her whimper in protest, and he need no further encouragement. He pulled her right to the edge of the countertop and thrust into her with all his might. She moaned loudly, throwing her head backwards, holding onto his back for dear life. Her legs wrapped themselves around his waist as he continued to thrust into her and he could feel her shaking, almost like shivering in fear. He stopped to look at her, to make sure that he wasn't hurting her. The look of disappointment on her face was devastating.

"Don't... stop..." she breathed, before kissing him roughly again, pulling hard on his hair. He needed no more words, no more moments of doubt. And when she reached that place of carnal bliss, he felt himself so completely satisfied that he thought about all his worry all his fear and how ridiculous it was. There was no place he would rather be, nor should be, than here with her in his arms, recovering from the rediscovery of body and soul. Grinning mischievous, he scooped her up into his arms and ran up the stairs, no more doubt between them.

However, as wonderful as it was to be with her like this once more, he could not shake the feeling that this was nothing more than lust, rather than love.

The next day, with Tonks not having to go into work due to her suspension, they intended on spending a rather lazy day together. But in the shadow of their bliss in reconnecting with one another the night previous, their pleasant day was interrupted by a sea of owls all delivering post from anonymous sources.

"What is all this?" Tonks said, tying her dressing gown a little tighter around her body as she saw their dining table barely recognizable as the top was almost entirely covered by post and owl droppings.

"It seems the Ministry did not keep very quiet when it came to our marriage," Remus said, looking sadly from the stacks of post to his wife. "Merlin knows what it's all about."

"It might not all be hateful," she said, making her way cautiously over to the table, like it was some deadly animal that might pounce at any moment.

"Don't touch it!" Remus said, noticing her hand reaching out for one of the letters on top. "Remember the Bulbadox Powder?"

"Oh, right," she said, quickly retracting her hand away. "What do you think we should do with it all? And what if there's something in there from mum and dad, or the Ministry, or the Order?"

"The Order wouldn't send post, it's too easy to track. But there may be post from the Ministry, perhaps some more explanation to this mess, so we might as well try and sort through it all. But let me Dora, we don't know what might be in there."

So what was meant to be a perfectly fine, lazy summer day was spent carefully sorting through mail, which proved to be almost entirely dubious in nature. The only harmless piece of post was the day's copy of the _Daily Prophet_. The day was lost rifling through sorted and disgusting claims, and by the time the clock indicated Harry's party at the Burrow was drawing near, Remus' small bubble of happiness that morning had been thoroughly extinguished. He had lost a great deal in his faith for humanity as unrecognizable handwriting or envelopes looking quite squishy or fat were immediately thrown into the fire. There was even one to be dripping something with a terribly noxious odor, which sent Tonks running into the loo to expel the remnants of lunch. But those that seemed familiar, or appeared particularly harmless, were cautiously opened only to reveal nasty words of prejudiced hate and loathing for all those who are half-breeds or lovers of half-breeds.

"It's not so bad," Tonks kept repeating, seeing any shred of joy or hope leave his face as they got changed later. "I mean, no one has come knocking on our door."

"Yet," Remus muttered as he did up the buttons on his shirt.

"Sweetheart, if we take every little thing that some bigoted bastard had to say about our lives and our marriage personally, we would never leave this cottage, or move to Siberia where no one would find us."

"But you shouldn't have to be exposed to any of this Dora," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed to put on his socks and shoes.

"Now you stop it Remus Lupin. I had a perfectly wonderful evening last night, and I'm not about to have it ruined because you're feeling guilty about something that you should know by now doesn't bother me in the least."

"Yet, I see the sadness in your eyes when you look at me, I see the pity."

"I have never pitied you, Remus," she said seriously, looking back at him through the mirror. "I may have pitied your upbringing, pitied how alone you were when you no longer had Sirius or the Order, but never once have I pitied you because of what you are."

"You're much too good for me Dora, you should have married Charlie Weasley, at least then you'd be having a laugh instead of worrying for your life."

She laughed. "When have I ever said otherwise?"

"All the post, and the threats, and I see the way he still looks at you, and now-"

"Charlie and I would have never worked out Remus, we're too similar. And as for worrying about my life, never once have I thought my life would have been better off for not loving you. So enough. Let's head over to the Burrow and celebrate with friends. Merlin knows we could do with a little cheer."

Remus worried over the fact that he did not have anything for the boy; especially on such a momentous birthday as the day he became a man in the eyes of the Wizarding World.

"There will be other birthdays, Remus," Tonks said, but she too looked a little worried about arriving to the party empty handed. "I'm sure he won't be displeased if we only bring ourselves to the party."

"I know, but this is yet another year gone by where I cannot give the boy anymore than a few words of wisdom. And even then, I come off as uncouth and unforgiving. Last time I saw him I could barely keep my temper in check."

"It was a hard night on us all, Harry knows better than to take anything you said too personally. He wasn't quite himself that night either, if I remember correctly."

"Yes but still," Remus muttered, picking at a loose thread on the cuff of his shirt.

Tonks took hold of his hand, turning it over and kissing the palm of it. "He's already forgotten about the whole thing, trust me."

Arriving with other members of the Order, Remus saw that the boy had received plenty of gifts from the Weasley family, who looked on Harry as one of their own. Almost immediately when the two of them walked into the house, Tonks was taken away in a fit of laughter by Charlie Weasley. Remus found himself jealous of their easy friendship, and was extremely nervous by the way Charlie still looked at Tonks like she was something delicious to eat. But after the conversation they had had last night, Remus was feeling a little more secure in his relationship with her. He even found himself not worrying about the baby. But any good feeling, any small moment of contentment, was gone as Kingsley Shacklebolt approached him.

"King," Remus said, holding out a hand. Instead of shaking it, Kingsley placed a bottle of butterbeer into his outstretched hand. "Cheers," Remus said, cracking open the bottle and taking a swig from it.

"How are you faring?" Kingsley said, his voice low and full of concern. Remus remembered the last time he had seen Kingsley he was having a bit of hard lines, and was less than hospitable.

"Better," Remus said honestly.

"I suppose it is better having everything out in the open," Kingsley agreed, drinking from his own bottle of butterbeer.

"Out in the open?" Remus asked.

"With the Ministry, having them know about you and Tonks and all of it."

"I suppose."

"She was brilliant, I'll tell you mate," Kingsley said, a small smile on his lips. "I have never seen Robbards looking so stunned in all his life. And Scrimgeour," Kingsley shook his head, "that's quite a woman you have Remus."

"What do you mean?" Remus said, a strange mixture of confusion and fear rising inside the pit of his stomach.

"Not many would take on the Minister for Magic the way she did," Kingsley said. "I was just sorry to see her suspended."

"It was foolish of her to go after Scrimgeour like that." Remus agreed, but he had the feeling Kingsley was being kind in his description of the events that took place at the Ministry yesterday. "King, is there something that you're not telling me about what happened at the Ministry?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm trying to get a better picture of what exactly happened. She told me one side of the story but I'm sure she left out the really important details, as she tends to try and lessen the blow when it comes to things like this."

"There's not much more to tell, apart from the little bit I saw first hand," Kingsley said. "I was in the office when she went off on Robbards, but she and Scrimgeour had their own private war behind close doors. I was appalled by the way some of the members of the Department reacted after finding out she was married to you."

"How so?"

"As much as the Auror Department prides itself on being fair and equal towards all of the Wizarding World, there were some who were less than kind to Tonks after it came out she was married to a, uh," Kingsley was looking desperately to Remus as though he could lessen the blow.

"I understand," Remus said, nodding his head solemnly. "We've already a flood of owls this morning that were less than kind in their appraisal of our marriage."

"I'm sorry to say Remus, that it's not looking good for the two of you to be legally wed. Those sorts of things have to go through the WCU, and Umbridge always has their ear when she wants something done her way. From all the trouble Tonks has caused for the Ministry, I can say it might be highly unlikely your request for legal status will be recognized."

Remus sighed. "I figured as much. It was my fault for not better informing myself on the marital practices of lycanthropes."

"It's no one's fault Remus. If you want to blame anyone, blame the Ministry for having such bureaucratic nonsense hauled upon its citizens."

"True, but there was no reason for her to be so completely out of her senses-"

"Did you really think that she would do anything else?" Kingsley said with a smile.

Remus smiled as well. "No, I suppose not."

"Don't worry about it mate, should you have anymore threatening letters you will let me know? There are ways of tracking these people down."

"It's a free country the last I checked, people are going to have their own opinions."

"True, but there is no reason to further putting both of your lives in danger."

"You don't think someone will try and attack her do you?" Remus asked, not really worried for his own safety.

"Anything is possible in these madcap days," Kingsley said darkly, running a hand over his smooth baldhead. "People are going bonkers over the worrying about You-Know-Who. Everyone is in danger, and it might cause some to take their personal views to new extremes."

"Well, should we receive anything too threatening I will be sure to inform the Order know. Merlin knows that I can only do so much."

"You still have Mad-Eye's enchantments in place. He knew what he was doing, there was no way he was going to let anything happen to Tonks while he was still alive to do something about it."

"I know, and I should think we are so far removed from any Wizarding society that we should remain pretty well protected. No, it's not the nutters I'm worried about. It's the pack. King, I know the Ministry let a few of them go the day after the moon in order to learn their whereabouts, but do they know about me? About my part in all of it?"

"They don't," Kingsley said slowly. "We thought to keep that part of your involvement away from the prying eyes of Umbridge and the rest of the WCU. If they ever knew that you had been in contact with Greyback or any of the pack, there would at least three Ministry agents following you around at all times, especially as you are now connected to one of their Aurors."

"It's not fair," Remus muttered bitterly. "I want to help out the Order, I want to go back to the pack Kingsley."

"Remus, you are an extremely important asset to the Order. You have been one of its remaining original members, you have provided us intel at great risk to yourself."

"Yes, that's all well and good King, but I feel utterly useless. I'm not even able to pass along any new information because even my contacts are outside of Greyback's reach. They cannot help us. I need to go back."  
>"Remus, I don't think you know what you're asking me. You know the dangers, you know Greyback wants revenge."<p>

"I know, but there are other ways of infiltrating the pack. There's Polyjuice Potion-"

"Too risky, should you not take it on the hour, every hour, you'll be found out and killed for sure."

"There is concealment charms and-"

"Remus," Kingsley said a note of concern in his voice, "what's really going on here? I don't think I know anyone who would be asking to be putting themselves into a suicide mission who had been recently married."

Remus bowed his head slightly in shame and the fact he was so transparent. "It would be safer for her if I wasn't there."

"Bollocks!"

"It's true Kingsley, Tonks would be so much safer if she hadn't married me."

"Not all this rubbish again Remus," Kingsley said shaking his head, weariness in his voice. "Then why are you still here? If you really think that she would be safer, go leave, you have my permission to go on this absolute waste of a mission to the caves."

"Really?" Remus asked, and feeling just reckless enough he missed a little of Kingsley sarcasm.

"Absolutely, but first answer me this, because I still don't understand something: Why _did_ you marry her Remus?"

Remus thought immediately to say, "Because I love her, I needed her, I wouldn't be here without her" but knew that was the answer Kingsley was looking for. So he stubbornly remained silent and took another swig from his butterbeer.

"Until you can answer my question, Remus," Kingsley said, the authority in his voice making it clear that he was deadly serious, "you cannot go back to the caves. It's too risky without a proper plan in place. When you can give me a legitimate answer, then we will talk about what you can do for the Order with the werewolves."

Remus, feeling his cheeks burning in shame and humiliation, said nothing, but looked toward the source of so much laughter and enjoyment. He thought he could hear Tonks and Charlie laughing, but everyone's voices were too jumbled together to really make a distinction of one from the other. Kingsley finished the last of his own butterbeer before getting up from his seat to head back into the kitchen to be with friends in celebration of the birth of the Boy Who Lived. Remus felt he might be sick. Why _did_ he marry Tonks? He thought he had the reason, the simple fact that he loved her more than his own life, loved more than anything he owned or could ever own, that he loved her beyond everything, _despite_ everything. But that savage voice in the back of his mind was hissing poison and doubt into his subconscious. _Love? _The voice scoffed_. You were desperate for any female attention, the primal need to fuck and have a warm body next to yours at night. No other reason. You knew you would never marry, how could you? _

Remus buried his head in his hands, clutching desperately at his hair, holding on to it as though it might save him from drowning in self-pity and hatred.

"Remus, dear?" said a voice from beyond his own sea of troubles. He looked up to see Molly Weasley looking concerned, her frown lines even more prominent. "What's the matter now, dear?"

"Molly, I can't do it anymore, I can't keep pretending that I put her in more danger than she could possibly handle."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, looking alarmed as this was not his typical answer of 'Nothing thank you.'

"I mean, there was always the risk of our relationship coming out," Remus continued to ramble on, not sure if he was talking to her or more to himself. "I mean, how could it not? I'm surprised the cover of the _Daily Prophet_ this morning didn't read 'Lecherous Werewolf Takes a Bride'. But she never had to put up with any of this."

"Remus, dear, Tonks knew the risks of getting involved with you. She knew there would be those at work or in our community who wouldn't understand, but she loves you. Why can't you trust in that?"

"I do Molly, but that's the only thing I can trust in at the moment. I can't even trust myself. I have the most horrible thoughts and feelings, as though there is something terrible is waiting for us soon. It was the same feeling I had before going into the mission the other night."

"Remus Lupin. I have known you for some time now, and I know the man you are. I have seen your relationship with this woman blossom from the very beginning. I might have not always been the subtlest in my meddling, but I feel as though I am a mother to you both, and there is no greater job for a mother than to meddle. So believe me when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about. There are going to be those who object to your relationship, but who cares? Arthur's family had objections to our marriage, and we both came from pureblood families. So there will always be objections to love when others do not have any of their own."

"I know Molly," Remus said, running a hand through his graying hair. "I know."

"Do you?" Molly said sternly, but Remus could see the love and concern in her eyes. "Do you really Remus? Because I can preach to you about how love will save you and how you need to trust in one another until the cows come home. But until you start trusting in yourself, and trusting in the stability of your relationship, I might as well be talking to Errol for all the good it would do you."

Remus gave her a small smile. He loved Molly, almost like a mother. But then he would remind himself that she was not that much older than he was, and so looked on her as a kindly older sister. But anyway he might see her, she was simply too wonderful to him. "Molly, you bring me back to earth you know that? I might be a million miles away, but you always have a way of grounding me back in reality."

"It comes from many more years of experience I assure you. And now the two of you are having a child together! No wonder you are more scattered than ever!"

Remus' smiled faded. That baby. It was more curse than blessing and at the moment Remus wanted nothing more to do with it. Why was it that when he felt so low, life had a way of kicking him and sinking him even lower? There was no way he could enjoy the party now, not with the weight of having the world look on Tonks in a new way, a way she did not deserve. It was around the time there was talk of cutting cake did he hear someone say, "Bloody hell? Is that the Minister for Magic?"

Remus whipped his head around to see that sure enough walking in the distance was Rufus Scrimgeour. Looking around he met Tonks' eye and knew immediately that they should leave.

"I'm sorry Harry," he heard her explain, "we have to go, we'll tell you about it later."

Remus grabbed his cloak as he and Tonks walked as quickly as they could for the edge of the barrier.

"This was a bad idea," he muttered as their pace quickened.

"What, to come and be with friends? Oh so dreadful of us, what were we thinking?" she said sarcastically, but the tone in her voice was low and bitter.

"I'm not the one who went fisticuffs with the man yesterday," Remus countered. He was in a mood to fight again, the adrenaline he felt when seeing the Minister had made him jumpy and prone to take offense.

"Oh, because I had so much support in defending you and your rights," she said, rounding on him a little.

"Keep moving, he shouldn't see us here. We'll get Harry and the others into trouble if he finds us."

"Right, because it's not like we don't have any ties to them already," she hissed back, continuing her brisk pace.

"But we don't need to further the connection because of-"

"Don't start this again," Tonks said, looking daggers at Remus as they crossed beyond of enchantments before Disapparating. Remus took a deep breath to steady his temper before he too Disapparated home.

She was a good ten yards away from him, walking quickly back inside the cottage. Remus was in two minds of going after her and arguing, or simply walking the opposite direction and heading for the pub. Neither seemed like the best of solutions, so he walked as calmly as he could back inside the house.

"Why are you so insufferably worried all the time?" she shouted at him, seeing him walk through the front door.

He groaned, running a hand through his hair. He was sick of having this argument with her. He felt it was like beating a dead horse; there was no point to it. _So much for trying to keep calm…_

"No really Remus, I've heard your excuses, and life has been hell of late, I know that, but why can't we just live in our love instead of having you fight against it, like it's some disease to try and be rid of?"

"Sweetheart, it's not like that at all," Remus said exasperatedly. "I've told you time and time again, if I hurt you in any manner-"

"And what do you think it's like having you here with me, but not giving me the kind of love and respect that I know you're capable of? Do you think I'm simply immune to having you break my heart? For better or worse Remus, and I don't give a flying fuck if the Ministry says we weren't properly married. The master of ceremonies bonded us in front of our closest friends and my father, and we declared our love for each other that day and exchanged rings. In my mind, we are married."

"And if you were to be attacked again like you were on that raid of Death Eaters and were taken to St. Mungo's, do you think I would be allowed to see you? Or what happens when I die? The cottage is still in my name, Dora. Even if I left it to you in my will, I don't think Magical Affairs would really honor the request and no doubt take siege of the place as some sort of compensation for my being a stain on humanity."

"Enough Remus! I hate the way you talk of death as though it was nothing at all!"

"Well, when you've been around it long enough, death becomes a welcomed friend."

"Then just try for my sake to be just a fraction more understanding about where I'm coming from. I can understand your insecurities Remus, I can see how living the way you had, or your time underground had made you immune to death. But the only time I've had someone I really care about die, was my Gran, Sirius and… Mad-Eye."

Remus was hit once more by the feeling of being old and he was suddenly very weary. "Dora, you have been so patient with me, and I am a giant walking contradiction I know that. But you say you can understand my insecurities, when there is no way you possibly could."

"Try me," she said defiantly. "You said you grew up like a freak"-she morphed her hair several different shades of green- "try being a walking freak show, constantly on demand for performances."

"Dora-"

"Or never knowing your mother's side of the family because of the man she married? Or having that connection to such an old and ancient house, yet a house that has become synonymous with Dark Witches and Wizards? Or-"

"Okay, I get it, we've both have had difficult childhoods. But Nymphadora, if you wanted to, you could hide your metamorph abilities. You didn't need to make a show of them every time some asked."

"And say what? No, I don't feel like it?" She looked at him for a moment with new clarity, and Remus saw her for being the grown woman she was, not the young twenty something he sometimes saw. "Metamorphmagi are rare Remus, I'd even say they're rarer than werewolves. We are born, not made, and because of that, we have not always been trusted in the magical community. There are too few of us to even have proper studies done, or books written about who and what we really are. Because to most, we're seen as shifters, creatures that don't stay put or can easily deceive others by taking on another appearance. 'What is real and what has been morphed into place', is what I'm asked most often, as though there is no way I could look like this naturally, that something has to've been altered. But growing up, trying to control it was difficult, so that if I got mad in primary, I had to practice making sure my hair didn't suddenly turn red, or I would have to quell the urge to change my nose, or the color of my eyes, if not for vanity then to try and impress people."

"Dora-" he began, feeling guilty he had never even asked her about her own childhood in this manner, that he had been so absorbed in his own self loathing, that he could not even stop to think about what it must have been like for her growing up as a shape shifter.

"And I know you're worried about passing along your condition to our baby, of course you are. But don't you think I might be worried about that as well? Not just your condition, but mine? Do you think I want our son or daughter to have to grow up trying to constantly hide who they really are? I mean, ours is a love so unique, and the child we created is one for the medical records. There has never been, no doubt, a child from a metamorphmagus mother and a lycanthrope father. Who knows what kind of hybrid little creature we might come up with. But even you, who mope around all day worried about every small detail of very waking minute had to have seen how scared I am, how worried I am about this baby."

"Dora," he said sympathetically. He really was an idiot, he knew this. How could he be so self absorbed to miss the fact that his wife, legal or no, could be so worried? But there was that cruel voice in the back of his head, and try as hard as he might, he could not drown out the rationale it was feeding him. _Who could ever love a creature that so badly treats the so-called woman he loves? How could any woman want to carry a child of such a man, of such a creature?_ He scooped her into his arms, holding her close. No, he had not seen how worried she was, he did not see the that her pale heart shaped face had the budding traces of wrinkles, or the dark circles under her eyes from her own restless nights. No, he had been too absorbed in his own worry, his own fears, his own self-hatred. "I've been a right prat," he mumbled into her hair.

"You have been," she agreed with a laugh, "but it's understandable."

"How many times have I told you this-"

"-Dozens-" she interjected humorously.

"-And yet you're still here with me?" Remus concluded incredulously, shaking his head, as though her loving him through all he had put her through was the most ludicrous idea he had ever heard.

"And you can keep telling me, and keep trying to prove it, but I'm _not_ going anywhere. I know your concern, I know your worry. You're my husband, Remus. Your worry is my worry."

"But I don't want you to worry, I don't want for you to have to walk around constantly worried about other people cursing you for marrying someone like me! You don't deserve that kind of-"

"Hush!" She said, putting the tips of her fingers over his mouth, preventing him from speaking any further. She didn't sound angry or annoyed as she had in the past as she said, "I'm not going to hear any more of it Remus. I knew exactly what I was doing when I got involved with you. I knew the possibilities of people not understanding our love, or my choice and what they might say or do. But it doesn't matter to me. As long as I can come home to you, to have you hold me in your arms, it doesn't matter if they force us out of England. All I have ever wanted is right here in front of me, someone who loves me for who and what I am, pink hair or no."

"I do love your pink hair." Remus said, smiling. He didn't deserve her, didn't deserve her kindness or her strength and understanding.

"And I love the small wrinkle in between your eyebrows when your worried," she said, kissing the spot on his forehead.

"I love the face you make when you morph your hair, the way your nose gets all scrunched up," Remus said, touching the tip of her nose with his finger. "But mostly I love how you stay with me."

"Where else would I be?"

"And you must know how much I love you, all of you, pink hair _and_ impulsiveness."

"And you must know that I love you more," she said, leaning in close, so he could feel her warm breath on his lips.

"Impossible," he said, closing the gap between them to kiss her. He only wish he really meant it...

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><p><strong>an:** so his reckless nature is stirring, it won't be long now before he does something really foolish. wedding next chapter, more charlie, and the ministry falling, we will see just how remus will come to cope with the pressure.

thank you, thank you, **thank you** for sticking with this story! i know it has been absolutely ages since i posted last, but i promise, i have not given up on this story in the slightest! now that i'm on holiday, i know the chapters will start coming with a lot more regularity and you won't have to wait months for something new! there should also be some more with my andromeda/ted story, but this one definitely has priority.

if you like what you've read, please don't be shy, click the review button below and tell me what you think! i really appreciate every comment and they really give me the fuel to keep this story going!

thank you again to everyone!


	19. The Chaos of Commitment

**a/n: **the harry potter universe is the property of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. I own nothing, and gain nothing. I simply enjoy to play in their world. M rating for adult situations, language and mild violence. part of this chapter was inspired by chapter eight "the wedding" in deathly hallows. so sorry for the radio silence for what i'm sure has felt like ages and ages! thank you so much to new readers, and the ones who are still sticking with it. your encouragement is what keeps me going and what keeps this story alive. as always i hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Nineteen: The Chaos of Commitment<strong>

In the morning light, everything seemed simple.

There were no fights, no long-winded arguments over the same things, no taxing struggle for his sanity, no chaos in the commitment of their relationship. Everything was new, calm, easy. Even in the early morning light he contemplated waking her up gently to make love. But suddenly, as though by magic, the cleansing morning sun darkened, the sky was a pale grey, and life no longer seemed so simple. Instead of waking her, Remus quietly made his way out of bed to begin again another day of trying to be a good husband, to be supportive, to be something he wasn't. He did his best not to disturb her while she slept, avoiding the inevitable moment when they both would begin again the dance around the real issue at hand. They were to leave later that night for the Burrow to attend the wedding of Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour, which, Merlin willing, would pacify Tonks with thoughts of their own wedding day and Remus might find a moment to sort out all that had transpired and how best to cope with it. Remus, despite his feeling of jealousy towards the man, even hoped Charlie Weasley might distract her from the fact their relationship was falling apart. But even with the prospect of distraction, a wedding was the last place Remus wanted to be; to see all those smiling faces, so terribly happy for the blissful couple, so unaware of the personal turmoil he found himself in. He really was being selfish, but there was no way he could escape his feelings now, not after another row he and Tonks had the night previous.

"_You're being completely mental, you know that right?" she shouted at him as they ready themselves for bed. _

"_I'm not the one who went off on the Minister for Magic the other day and prevented us from staying longer with Harry!" Remus shouted back. _

"_Don't you dare accuse me of our having to leave early because of something I did! Had you taken care of this whole mess sooner, I'd still have a job and we might have been able to celebrate with everyone else!" _

"_Oh, so this is _my_ fault?" _

"_It's no one's fault, Remus! That's the point, we're are arguing over nothing!" _

Wandlessly, Remus started making tea. He sat down at the kitchen table thinking over everything that had come to pass. And the worst of it was, he was beginning to see that maybe he wasn't meant for this world.

As much as he loved being in the civilized world of soft bedding, indoor plumbing and properly cooked meals, he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that perhaps he should have stayed in the caves, with the other wolves, with his own kind. All of the troubles they were now in could have been prevented by Remus just accepting who and what he was, instead of holding so strongly to the illusion that he was somehow normal, that because he had the ability to attend Hogwarts and held a prestigious job, somehow excluded him from the others, excluded him from people like Thaliard and Caliban and Lavinia. In reality, he was no better than any of them and he was a fool to think otherwise.

And Harry, what could he do for the boy? Harry was always a sore spot for Remus because he knew that he should have done more to help the boy throughout his life. How could he have simply abandoned Lily's son the way he had? But it was Dumbledore who told him that Harry deserved a life away from the spotlight, away from prying eyes who wanted a glimpse at his lightening scar, and Remus silently agreed that he certainly did not need the added connection of a registered werewolf. No, life was better off for Harry, for Dora, for everyone, had Remus simply faded into the background, a memory, a long forgotten part of James' childhood to recant to Harry later in life. While stewing over this idea of simply leaving, he noticed something very peculiar through the kitchen window. It was like a shadow, something hidden, mysterious, not meant for Remus to see; yet there it was all the same. Someone had definitely been peeping. Enraged, thinking it to be someone coming to gawk at the werewolf with its dreams of civility, Remus flew out of the house ready to tell off the man who had the audacity of coming up to his home.

"Oi! Get off my property!" Remus shouted to empty space outside. There was nobody there. No sign of anyone coming to have a stare at the freak show, a werewolf posing as a human. "Hello?" Remus called out again, yet still no one answered, nothing moved, even the wind was calm and still. "Fuck me, I guess I really am going mad."

"You're not mad," squeaked a timid voice from behind the house.

Running in the direction of the voice, Remus came face to face with a nervous looking wizard, who could not have been any older than twenty or so.

"And who are you?" Remus demanded.

"I am Reginald Marguiles, your assigned case worker from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures." The young wizard croaked out, who was so shy and unassuming Remus thought this might be some weird joke. He wore the robes associated with those in the Department, and bore a few old scars, no doubt received from a dark creature during training. Yet, with such a demeanor Remus was surprised such a man would have passed training at all. With shaking hands, the wizard held out a roll of parchment, and Remus noticed it bore the Ministry's seal. This certainly was proof of his identity, as the magical wax seal of the Ministry was as good as the Minister himself coming to their door, and no doubt the reason this inconspicuous wizard was able to get through their enchanted barrier.

The young man cleared his throat as Remus took hold of the decree. "In order to serve the wizarding world better, the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures has tasked me with making sure you, Creature 4208, are compliant with the Werewolf Code of Conduct-"

"I'm aware of the Code," Remus growled, unrolling the parchment to read the orders himself.

"Um, yes, of course, I'm sure you are, 4208, however, with the recent uh, discrepancy with the, er, marriage situation, the Ministry felt it best for someone to _observe_ you are compliant with all areas of the Code."

"So, what, are you going to follow me around all day and night?"

"Oh, no," the young wizard said with wide eyes, and Remus could see that the boy was clearly thinking the prospect of following around a well known werewolf would be the last thing he could be prevailed upon to do. "There will be others who are better trained in these matters. I was asked to come by on behalf of Mr. Shacklebolt to tell you personally of the decision that was made."

"That was nice of him," Remus muttered, as he looked over the decree which did indeed have a quick note from Kingsley scribbled at the bottom.

_R-_

_It's all buggered up, but I'll do what I can. Hope the advance notice helps. _

_K._

"Well, if you have no more questions, I should be getting back to the office. There are people there who are waiting for my return..." The young man said, clearly looking for the best way out of this current situation, adding the last bit as though Remus might kidnap him.

"Oh, right, uh, could I offer you a cuppa before you leave?" Remus said, the manners his mother taught him so rigorously beginning to kick in like a reflex. It sounded odd, this small form of civility, as though he were schizophrenic.

"No, no, I'll just be on my way," the young man said, looking for any opportunity to make a quick exit. And exit he did, half running his way past the enchanted barrier to Disapparate without a second glance back. Not even a second or two later did two men appear above the house, silently circling the area on broomsticks, dressed in all black like giant vultures looking for their next meal.

"Fantastic," Remus said, crumpling up the piece of parchment and heading back inside the house.

"What was all the yelling about?" Tonks asked, as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

"Nothing, just more bureaucratic bullshit." Remus muttered. He was in no mood to talk; he just wanted to sulk. It was very much like being a teenager again, when no one could possibly understand what he was going through, and everything seemed like the end of the world. Except, perhaps in this case, any day could bring the end of the wizarding world.

"Have they assigned a tail for you then?" She asked, clearly not picking up on his desire to be left alone.

"Two, by the looks of it," he said, pouring the hot water into his mug.

"Two? Bloody hell, it's like you're worse than Greyback or something. Do you know-" she said, but stopped looking pale and Remus knew she was about to be sick. Making a mad dash for the hall bathroom, Remus could hear her retching. He sighed as he poured a glass of cool water for her. Without saying a word he merely handed her the glass. Gratefully she accepted it, but was finally beginning to see the mood he was in.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" she asked, taking small sips of water.

Remus merely grunted and moved back into the kitchen to finish his tea. He could hear her getting sick a few more times, but he made no movement to help. He knew better than to offer her help when it came to her morning sickness, as she was so quick to dismiss his help in the past; but more than that, there was a small part of him that took a sick sense of pleasure in her agony. It was so unlike him, so cruel of him, but it seemed the cruel side of his brain had at last won out, like a deadly cancer that had been slowly eating away at his humanity and his soul.

"Ugh, I'll be glad when all this morning sickness nonsense is over," she said, coming out at last from the bathroom. "Any new post?"

Remus pointed to a good size stack in the corner of the room where correspondence from all over country seemed to be making its way into their tiny cottage, all with their own opinions about the recent news of their marriage.

"Ah, and I am being given the silent treatment I see," she said, sitting down at the table with her glass of water and the morning copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

"I just have nothing to say, that's all." Remus said finally, drinking the last of his tea.

"Is this how it's going to be then? We're going to go through our marriage making grunts at one another, like cavemen?"

He knew she was trying to have a laugh, but he saw nothing funny about it. "Well, all I can say is I know when to keep my mouth shut."

"Oh Merlin, here we go again… you know I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all this bickering and you acting like you have the world's worst case of PMDD."

Remus just stared at her, not knowing how to respond to such a statement, mostly because he had no idea what PMDD stood for but figured it was no doubt rude and uncalled for. They were silent for a time, just looking at one another, trying to win some mental warfare going on between them. Finally, it was Tonks who broke the silence by saying, "I was thinking of going to mum and dad's today, seeing as I don't have to work. Would you want to come along? I'm sure when dad gets home he'd love to see you."

"I have some things I wanted to do today," Remus said vaguely. In truth, he had absolutely nothing to do, but did not want to appear as though he was so mercifully free.

"Oh, really?" Tonks said skeptically. "And what, pray tell, could you have possibly planned?"

"Is that a jab at me not having a job?" Remus said, getting unnecessarily defensive.

"No, of course not!" Tonks said, her hands flying up in surrender. "No need to get so jumpy, I was just genuinely curious as to what it is you do all day while I'm at work."

"Things," Remus said, and hearing himself at last, could see just how childish he sounded. Taking a deep breath, he added, "I would love to come along to your mum's, but there are things I want to take care of here."

"For the Order? You know they've asked us for tonight to be guards? Kingsley isn't going to be there, he's on double duty tonight. He's got to look after the Muggle Prime Minister before looking after our own git of a Minister."

"He's still looking after Scrimgeour? I thought that was just something Mad-Eye wanted him to do?"

"It was, but King thought that even though Mad-Eye isn't here to give him the direct orders anymore, he still would want him looking after Scrimgeour. I don't see why. I think a few well placed hexes might do our dear old Minister some good."

"Dora," he said, shaking his head.

"_Remus_," she said exaggeratedly, mocking the worried expression on his face. This made him smile. "See, you're such a sour puss in the morning."

"Well, I didn't get much sleep last night," Remus said, and it was the truth. Sleep had been a rarity of late, and the little bit he could catch was filled with disturbing dreams that would linger in his subconscious mind long after he had woken up.

"Sweetheart, you need to take a potion or something. You need your sleep. Oh! Speaking of potions, if you're not too busy today, would you want to go into the city to buy potion ingredients? I need to get started on your Wolfsbane for the next full moon."

"Dora, we don't have the money anymore for that. It was okay when Mad-Eye was nicking it from the reserves at the Ministry, but we can't afford to buy such expensive ingredients."

"And I can't afford to have my child grow up without its father because he was too pigheaded to take a potion that helps with his transformations."

"Dora, I went nearly thirty years without having used the Wolfsbane-"

"And it would be stupid not to have it while it's available for your use." She finished his sentence before he could even start into his list of rationale.

He just sighed. "I really don't need it. I've been fine up until now without it, and I'll be just as fine having to stop taking it."

"And I'm sure that will be really comforting at your funeral due to self inflicted wounds. We'll be able to carve onto your headstone, 'Here Lies Remus J. Lupin, Thought He Would Be Fine Without It, Guess He Was Wrong'."

"Oh ha ha, I'm not going to die, Dora." He muttered low, but in reality he didn't know what a full moon might bring. His emotions of late had been in such tatters that the added effects of the full moon might make his delicate state of mind go completely bonkers. "Why don't we talk about it later?"

"Because we're talking about it now. Why are you so quick to dismiss the issue? Why don't you want to have the inevitable row and get it over and done with it?"

"Because as much fun it is to row with you, Nymphadora, I'd like to spend my morning in some semblance of peace and quiet. It's bad enough we have to deal with two members of the WCU above our house, spying on our every move, let alone trying to deal with your hormonal mess."

Tonks looked taken aback for a moment, as though Remus had moved to slap her. He realized he might have crossed a line of propriety and muttered a quick apology for his "snapping to conclusions" or whatever it was he said, because part of him almost enjoyed the look of startled hurt written across her face. _Where was this malice coming from?_ When did he start to enjoy causing her distress?

But then she said something surprising, something Remus was not expecting.

"No, you're right, I _am_ a hormonal mess. I'm going to hop in the bath for a bit, try and calm down."

"Dora, I'm sorry, truly. I haven't been sleeping… there was no need for me to get so nasty with you-"

"Really, I'm fine, Remus. I appreciate your candor because otherwise you'd play the passive aggressive card, which I really cannot stand anymore. Better to get everything out in the open." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed back upstairs.

Confused, Remus finished out the morning by sorting through all the post, which held nothing but more malice from anonymous sources. He did find one who was from an elderly werewolf, who claimed to be approaching his 93rd birthday, and he had been married to a witch for over 50 years and that he was happy to have heard about another werewolf finding love. Shaking his head in disbelief, Remus could not fathom why someone would waste time to write such rubbish.

Chucking the last of the post into the fire, Remus sent a Patronus message to Kingsley asking after Harry and the party and to the reason why the Minister for Magic deemed it necessary to stop by for a chat.

The response came in the form of a personal visit from the new head of the Order. Remus had all but done up the last button on his shirt before he heard someone knocking on the front door. Tonks, who had yet to emerge from her bath, was clearly indisposed to answer, so Remus cautiously went down to see who else was to stopping by their home. Looking through the peephole, he saw Kingsley, looking tired, rocking up and down on the balls of his feet.

"Kingsley?" Remus called through the door.

"Remus, let me in mate, the buzzards over head are giving me the creeps." Kingsley said. Remus cautiously opened the door, holding his wand aloft. Kingsley chuckled a little and said, "I am Kingsley Shacklebolt, Auror, head of the Order of the Phoenix purely because I was nominated to do so, and I came here today in response to your Patronus, which takes the form of a wolf."

"That's good enough for me," Remus said, opening the door wider to let him in. "I hate how we keep having to test one another."

"It's for our own safety. I would be thoroughly put out if you didn't question me."

"Well, it's more than that. I usually can detect people under Polyjuice Potion. Their smell is different."

Kingsley snorted with laughter. "Their smell? Blimey, is your sense of smell really that much more acute than the rest of ours?"

"One of the perks of being a wolf," Remus shrugged. "Everyone has their own unique smell, like a thumbprint. But when they are disguised using Polyjuice Potion, there is something off, different from their natural odor. Of course, this only works if I have come in contact before with a person. It's of no use to strangers."

Kingley, still shaking his head in humorous disbelief, asked, "Is Tonks in?"

"She's upstairs. Why, what's going on now?" Remus asked, his concern for her overwhelming even himself.

"Keep your hair on, I only asked to see if Scrimgeour or Robards had been giving her anymore grief." Kingsley said, his eyes wide with misunderstanding.

"No, I don't think the Minister saw us yesterday at the Burrow, thank Merlin for that."

"There was no need for the two of you to leave the party." Kingsley said sympathetically.

"No, there was. I didn't want to risk Harry or the Weasleys having the association linked to them."

"Because of what Tonks did?"

"Becausae of what I am… which sparked what Dora did."

Kingsley just rolled his eyes. This was a swan song he had been hearing far too often from Remus, and he had too many important matters to discuss without having to pacify Remus' deluded mind. "Mate, the Ministry knows we're all members of the Order of the Phoenix. The secret is out. The connection is there whether you want to acknowledge it or not."

"Yeah, but still," Remus said.

"Anyway, speaking of the Burrow, did Tonks tell you about the plans for the wedding tonight?"

"You need us to be on our toes?"

"It's been too quiet since Mad-Eye died, and I don't like it," Kingsley said darkly. "And a gathering of witches and wizards, especially those associated with the Order, seems like a pretty easy target, and as I won't be there tonight, I wanted to ask you to be acting head of the Order."

"Of course I will, Kingsley," Remus said, touched by the man's gesture.

"I'm sure everything will go smoothly, nothing more than some awkward drunken dancing and the Weasley twins with their usual nonsense, but constant vigilance and all that. Anyway, I mainly wanted to talk about yesterday."

"Why _did_ our Minister feel the need to take time from his busy schedule to visit a humble birthday party?"

"He was giving the three what was left to them in Dumbledore's will."

"Oh." Remus said simply. This was not the answer he was expecting. Dumbledore's will, as all proper legal documents, had to go through the Magical Affairs Department before its wishes could be carried out. "Dumbledore's been dead for over a month. Surely those mention in his will would have received their part of his estate?"

"Well, most of his possessions and assets were left to Hogwarts. A few things were to be given to Aberforth, Merlin knows if he'll keep them or not, and a few of his inventions were to be given to St. Mungo's and the Ministry; but, he also left Potter, Granger and Weasley some small items."

"How small?"

"Nearly meaningless to those at the Ministry. However, seeing as they were to be given to Harry Potter, the 'Chosen One' and all that tosh, the Ministry felt that it was in their power to inspect these items with a little more than the standard scrutiny."

"What did he give them?"

"To the Weasley boy, his deluminator, Granger, a copy of _Beetle the Bard_ and to Potter, a snitch. Apparently he caught it in his first game at Hogwarts, or something. I don't know, I didn't get the full story on it."

"That's all?" Remus asked, completely perplexed by Dumbledore's final wishes.

"That was all. I was hoping to get your take on this. Do they mean anything to you? Do you know why they might be significant Potter or his friends?"

"Well, Hermione is an intelligent girl with a passion for reading, so a book is not an absurd choice, although a children's book is a little insulting to her intellect. Ron, I have absolutely no idea why he gave him one of his more valuable inventions. And Harry, well… Harry's a brilliant Quidditch player. Perhaps he meant it as a token of better days."

Kingsley looked disappointed, as this was not the explanation he was hoping for. "I figured as much. I was hoping these were to be clues as to what Dumbledore had asked them to do in the fight against You-Know-Who."

"You think this relates to Harry leaving on his mission of sorts?" Remus asked.

"It might, though I have no idea how his deluminator, a children's book, and an old Snitch have in common for aiding someone against You-Know-Who."

"I honestly have not a clue." Remus said, scratching his head. Dumbledore was always slightly eccentric, to put it mildly, but this was a riddle Remus did not think had an answer. Or the poor man died before he had the chance to finish the puzzle. There definitely seemed to be gaps in the logic.

"Well, there's something else Potter was suppose to receive, something that has been driving the Ministry mad."

"What is it?"

"The Sword of Gryffindor."

"_What_?" Remus asked completely taken aback. "Dumbledore wanted Harry to have the Sword of Gryffindor?"

"I only learned the truth about it all this morning, when I did some digging into the records, which is not strictly legal mind you, and saw the record of his will. Apparently the Sword is missing, and the Minister thought the boy might know where it is."

"It's missing?"

"Yeah, it was supposedly in the Headmaster's office, but after Dumbledore's death, it was reported missing."

"Do you think this is what Harry is meant to find? Dumbledore hid the Sword before his death so the Ministry couldn't get their hands on it?"

"I was thinking along those lines as well, however, his death was sudden. How would he have known to hide the Sword before his death?"

"Dumbledore was a very powerful wizard," Remus said seriously, "he could have had enchanted the Sword to return to some secretive place in the event of his death."

"It is possible," Kingsley said skeptically. "But there was something else that I discovered."

"What?"

"Dumbledore left something for you."

"For _me_?" Remus said, astonished. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I'm sure you haven't received it yet because of what… because of the Ministry's current, uh, misunderstanding with your-"

"Because I'm a werewolf, you can say it, King." Remus said, seeing the man's struggle with trying as best to describe the state of things. "I'm not hiding it from anyone, especially not you."

"I know, but sometimes I forget about your 'condition'." Kingsley said apologetically.

"I wish I could do the same," Remus said a little too darkly. "What was it that he possibly could have left for me?"

"Gold."

"_What_?" Remus gasped, shaking his head in disbelief. "He left me money?"

"Well, not quite specifically for you," said Kingsley, and Remus saw he was grinning mischievously. "It's for your children."

"My _what_?" Remus asked, an eyebrow raised in shock and suspicion.

"For your children, to help with their magical education at Hogwarts. His hope would that it might become a trust at Gringotts for when you and Tonks have kids. And then to turn into a foundation for other children to help them attend Hogwarts."

Remus was shaking his head, a small, sad smile on his face. "That man," he said quietly.

"I don't know how he does it," Kingsley said, laughter in his voice, "even after death he still has a hand in everyone's life. I mean, you and Tonks were barely speaking when he died, yet here we are."

"He mentioned Dora specifically?"

"No, but it was pretty much implied. I'm just sorry that the Ministry is keeping a hold on it. Though it won't be needed for a long time I'm sure."

Remus laughed uncomfortably. "Right. Not for a while…"

"Anyway, no further clues as to what Harry might be up to or what Dumbledore wanted from the kids?" Kingsley asked, still smiling at the dead man's sense of humor.

"No, I asked Ron at the start of the summer, but they said it was up to Harry to say something, and I doubt very much if he'll want to talk."

"It might be worth a try. I have a sneaking suspicion that the three of them are not going to be with us much longer."

"How so?" Remus asked.

"They clearly have no desire to return to Hogwarts, and I mean, who can blame them? But now they have received these items from Dumbledore, this might be the impetus for their departure."

"I would hope they would stay a little longer, or to have someone accompany them. I could certainly go with them for support. They have no idea the Dark Magic they'll be up against."

"As magically gifted as you are, Remus, we need you for the Order, not off with three teenagers on some mysterious quest. I don't know why you are so jumpy to leave."

"I just want to do something for the cause," Remus said, running a hand through his hair. Why was everyone so keen about keeping him where he was?

"Well, just sit tight, I might have something that you would be perfect for, but I need a couple of other contacts to follow through with the information before we proceed."

"Anything, Kingsley, would be wonderful." Remus said appreciatively.

"Going away are we?" said a voice behind them.

"Hiya, Tonks," Kingsley said, waving to Tonks who was standing with wet hair, dressed only in her brightly patterned paisley dressing gown, her arms crossed fiercely. Remus felt himself blush.

"Wotcher, King. Now where are you sending my husband off to?"

"Nowhere," Kingsley said, "but he would be useful in a mission that might be coming up. You'd be an asset too, but I'll brief the Order about it on Sunday when everything has panned out."

"How goes chatting up Robards for my return?" Tonks asked, her gaze still fixed and intense on Remus.

"Slow going, but he's going to cave soon. We're too understaffed as it is and all the new recruits are making his head sore."

"Whatever you can do, King, I'd appreciate it."

"No problem, I'm sure you'll be back at your desk soon enough."

"Well, hopefully not too soon, I'm quite enjoying this little holiday," she said smiling.

"Appreciate it while you can, because Merlin knows the moment you're back, Robards is going to use you to his full advantage. We need all the healthy bodies in the field as we can get. Well, I'd best be off. Think it over, Remus, and see if you can try to talk to Harry. He might be more willing to talk to you than anyone else."

"I'll try, King, thanks," Remus said.

Kingsley gave them both a friendly smile. "Creepy buggers..." he said, looking up into the sky as the door closed.

"Signing up for out of town missions?" Tonks said accusatorily.

"I just want to help," Remus said, not wanting to start another argument.

"You know, there are times, Remus, that I think you really want to leave me." Her deep brown eyes were searching his, trying to find truth.

"You're being silly," he said, pushing past her and into the kitchen, rummaging for something that could not be found in the cupboards.

"No, I don't think that I am. Remus, would you please just tell me what is wrong?" she said, quick to follow him. "I don't know what has you so changed, this is not the man I married."

"Not technically 'married'," Remus said, trying to make light of the situation, but Tonks saw nothing funny about it.

"I don't know what has you so wound up, but let me know when you sort it out, because you're driving me to an early grave, Remus, swear down."

"Dora, what's wrong with me wanting to help out with the Order?"

"Nothing, only you're chomping at the bit to get out of town. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Remus just looked at his feet.

Tonks sighed. "Sweetheart, I love you, no matter what. But you need to talk to me. I never know what's going on inside that brilliant brain of yours. Lately you've been moody and unresponsive, and I know things have not been at their best, but I would have thought we would be talking more with one another."

"It's just that…" Remus began, but he didn't even know where he was going with it. Did he really want to hurt her? Of course not; but she deserved so much better than what he could give her. "I love you, and I don't want to lose you." He concluded, staring even more closely at his feet.

"And you won't have to!" She said lovingly, coming up to hug him fiercely. Remus breathed in the heavy scent of her clean skin, the smell of bath salts and shampoo, but there was something else, some new scent he could not place. "But you need to talk to me. When you just sulk about the house all day it scares me. And now you want to take off… you've been restless and, I'm sorry to say, darling, but not the most pleasant of company."

Remus scoffed.

"It's true! Molly is worried for you as well. She thinks it's about the baby, but I know it's so much more than that."

"It _is_ so much more than that…" Remus muttered. It was the truth. The baby was just one piece of the turmoil inside his mind, a mind that no longer felt like his own. "I know I've been a terror lately, but my fears seem to have taken over my rational thought."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I no longer feel like myself. I feel in a daze, like I'm constantly walking through a heavy fog, lost, and utterly perplexed as to what I should do next, or where to turn to."

"We all feel like that right now. We're at war."

"It's not just the war, Dora," Remus said, backing away from her so he could pace properly. "I don't feel like myself, as though someone, or something, has taken over my mind. It's… so hard to explain this to you."

"You don't need to now," she said, moving her hands in a way to calm him down. She seemed please that at last she was able to get him to talk, but she also knew better than to try and push him. "I don't mean to put you on the spot. Listen, why don't we try and enjoy ourselves tonight, hmm? We are going to a wedding, with some of the people who love us the most. It's an occasion to celebrate."

"I know," Remus said.

"So cheer up, lovey, we don't need to be looking like we're heading for a funeral. Have some champagne tonight and just let loose. We don't have to think about the War, or You-Know-Who, or the Ministry, or any of the other nonsense that's been going on. And once things start really getting bad with everything, as it always will, we'll be thankful for the times we were able to keep things so normal." She gave him the briefest of kisses, which he only half-heartedly returned.

How was he supposed to explain to her about how he didn't want to destroy her life more than he already had? How was he to tell her that he didn't want that monster growing inside of her? How was he to tell her that she would be better off without him, or how much he was ready to abandon everything?

"We should start to get ready soon, if we want to head into town today before the ceremony starts."

"Right." He said. Mentally he had agreed to their going into London, as he thought once more of easing his way into the subject of his complete loss of hope and how their future together looked so bleak.

She went back upstairs to change quickly into jeans and a loose jumper.

London was no longer held the magic Remus used to love. The Muggles walking about were completely oblivious to the constant fear and paranoia of the magical community. Although dressed alike, Remus thought he could tell the difference between the Muggles and the witches and wizards by the look of mild panic and suspicion in their eyes, as though they thought they might be attacked at any moment.

Walking into the Leaky Cauldron, Remus would have sworn it was closed, except for the two shady looking customers drinking even shadier looking flagons.

"Wotcher, Tom," Tonks said pleasantly to the old barman.

"Tonks," wheezed the old man. "Uh, sorry, Professor. We can't have you here. New policy."

"What?" Remus asked. Tom pointed to a piece of official looking Ministry legislation hanging in a brass frame on the wall.

NO CREATURES ARE TO BE SERVED IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT.

"I don't have a problem with it, but the Ministry has been a real job's worth about who I'm allowed to serve. They've been checkin' up on me more than usual. I've lost a good part of me clientele!" he said, gesturing to the nearly empty pub.

"We don't want to sit down, we just need to go back, through the passage way."

"Can't." Tom wheezed. "I'm supposed to prevent entry to them as well. Sorry, love."

"You can't just look the other way while we pass by?" Tonks asked with a syrupy sweet voice.

"If I could, I would." Tom said sadly. "I had another one of your kind come in here the other day who I didn't know about and the gateway just spat her back out. She tried again and couldn't go through. Woulda never thought I'd live to see the day the Ministry was able to say who I could or could not serve."

"That can't possibly be right," Tonks said, shaking her head.

"It's just plain rude." Tom said, his wheezy old voice growing stronger with anger. "If they've been keepin their heads down, the Ministry has no right to tell 'em where they can and cannot go."

"It's not only rude, it most certainly is illegal." Tonks said roughly.

"Dora, let's just go." Remus said, seeing that passionate fire ignite in her eyes. With the Ministry just a short walk away there was no telling what she might do. He was also beginning to feel the stares of the two patrons, who had turned their attention away from their drinks and Remus felt his cheeks burn with humiliation. "You can come back another time to buy potion ingredients."

"I'm real sorry, mate," Tom said, and he sincerely looked it. "If it were up to me, there'd be no problem. I never had any issues with your sort before."

"I know, Tom, it's alright. It simply is the times we're living in." Remus said, half dragging Tonks away from the pub, clearly ready for a fight. "Let's just go," he said dangerously in her ear, "we're making a scene."

Tonks looked around to the two others who were staring intensely on the couple. "Oh, right," she said, forcing a smile.

"Best of British!" Tom shouted after them.

They briskly made their way away from the pub and onto the street outside. "Well, this certainly is news to me," Tonks said, stomping her way down the busy London street.

"Dora," Remus said, half running to try and keep up. "Let's just go home, we don't need to make a bigger issue out of it than it already is."

"It simply isn't fair!" She said, rounding on him. "I mean, doesn't this anger you?"

"Of course it does, but I'm used to things like this happening. During the last war it was the same, only they didn't display the signs so openly. They usually would just kick you out without explanation."

"But still, legislation like this is completely against everything the Ministry stands for!"

"We're at war, Dora, how many times must I explain this to you? The rules change when people are at war." Remus said, suddenly exhausted.

"I know, but it simply isn't fair."

"No, it's not fair. And it's especially not fair for you." Remus said.

"For me?" she asked, clearly unaware of the injustice done to her.

"It's not fair that you had to leave because of me. It's completely ruined the day."

"Oh, don't you dare start that again." Tonks said. "It hasn't ruined anything, except for my faith in the Ministry, but that's nothing new."

"Well, I'll head home, you carry on to Diagon Alley if you'd like."

"No, no, I'll come home with you." Tonks said, forcing a small smile. She clearly was thinking things over.

_You see, you want this kind of life for the woman you love? You should just bugger off when you get the chance. She would at least be able to do her shopping without prejudice. _

"No really, Dora, it's alright. I'll go to into the village to the market, we're running low on milk."

"Well… we really do need those potion ingredients... Right, I'm only going to back to Diagon Alley to get the ingredients and leave. I'll be home quicker than you can say Quidditch." She gave him a quick kiss and ran back towards the Leaky Cauldron.

Remus didn't realize just how much he was shaking. How could she even ask if he was angry? Of course he was. But what could he do about it? He wondered whether or not he was completely barred from going to Diagon Alley ever again. It was a smart move on the part of the Ministry, smart for them to limit the access of dangerous predators to the unsuspecting wizarding commercial area. But how was he to go into Gringott's for his money, the little of it he had, or to any of the shops? He had to agree with Tom; if a creature was to keep his head down and follow the Code, there was no reason for him to be denied civility or at the very least some small nod toward their humanity. He was ready to leave, ready to leave all the bureaucracy behind him, and was especially made ready when he was questioned about his whereabouts when he Apparated back to the cottage.

"Creature 4208, you have left the premises." Said one of the men who had swooped down from their perch. He was dressed in all black and apart from the bold patch on the front of his robes with the WCU symbol and no mask, he looked quite like a Death Eater. "You Apparated away from the designated area at 13:04 without notifying the Ministry official placed on duty at your home."

"Yes," Remus said confusedly, holding up the shopping bags filled with groceries. "I needed to do some shopping. Is that a crime now?"

"From now on you are to tell one of the guards on duty where you are going or we will be forced to put a tracking spell on your person." He was a tall man, imposing, but had a nice sort of countenance. Remus hoped that this WCU agent would be more hospitable than the others he had encountered.

"Tracking spells were made illegal as it is a violation of personal privacy rights." Remus argued.

"That does not apply to Regulated Creatures. We have been given explicit instructions, 4208, that we are to know of your whereabouts at all times. If you cannot comply to this simple task, we will be forced to place a tracking spell on your person and will be able to follow you in this manner." The man said. The tone in his voice was not cruel, but there was force behind it.

"This outrageous! I am supposed to tell you every single time I am to leave the house?"

"As part of the agreement of your continued freedom, we are to track where you go and who you are communicating with."

"My '_continued_ _freedom'_?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"You have been flagged as a threat to the wizarding population. Should you do something that further violates the Werewolf Code of Conduct, we will be forced to take you in."

"And what exactly have I done to violate the Code?" Remus asked, bewildered by all this new information. Surely the Ministry would have sent a notification. But then again with the sea of post lately Remus might have missed it.

"You knowingly put a human in danger, threatening her humanity." The man said. There was a sad note in his voice, and Remus recognized it as pity.

"And what about my _wife_? Are you following her as well?"

"The woman you are at present living with has not been assigned someone to follow her, but if you fail to comply with these new rules, she will be followed as well."

Remus sighed. "It doesn't seem like I have any choice in the matter, now do I?"

"Honestly, just follow procedure and we won't be troubling you much. It's a nightmare for us as well, I can't tell you the amount of paperwork… and it doesn't seem like you'll give us much bother. You're not like some of the others I've followed." The man said with a kind sincerity Remus was not used to from the WCU.

"Right, thank you. I didn't know I was to be receiving my own tail of agents until early this morning."

"Yeah, they do that to catch you off guard in the hopes you're doing something illegal. Then there would be no need for any of us to be flying around all day. We'd just take you in and let the Ministry deal with you."

"Effective," Remus said wincing.

"It's brutal but there are always those who seem to be decent on the outside and prove to be really sick fucks. Oh, there is also the matter of the security measures around your house. It would be a lot easier if you were to disarm the field, or at least shrink it to simply encompass the actual home. We of course could do it ourselves, but I thought it a bit more courteous for you to do it. I heard you gave the Regulation bloke a bit of a scare this morning. And it would be better in our reports if you complied with us in this matter. It would show you to be a little bit more subservient."

"Subservient? What, am I to be a trained dog now?"

"4208, you are first and foremost a regulated dark creature. Never forget that." The man's kind tone was momentarily gone, and Remus felt a chill run down his spine as the man was staring him down.

"Of course, how could I? Well, I'll hopefully not be too much of a bother." Remus said, giving the man a curt nod, before moving back inside the cottage to put away the groceries.

This was a nightmare, a complete and utter nightmare. First, he was humiliated at the Leaky Cauldron, learning he'd been banned from Diagon Alley, and now, he had to report to someone every time he wanted to leave the perimeter around his house? It was like he was a common criminal, released from prison but was still on a very strict parole. He didn't know how Tonks would react when she found out about his new manner of living.

"Kingsley's right," he heard her say as she walked through the front door a short time later, "those blokes are right creepy."

"Well, they're most likely to be a semi-permanent addition to our household, so you might want to get use to them." Remus said darkly.

"It won't last for too long," she said, trying to sound reassuring, but Remus knew that she had no idea the length of time the Ministry was going to badger them. "I'm sure Kingsley is working on it, and once I can go back to work I'll see what I can do."

"You shouldn't have to be doing anything." Remus muttered, helping her to put away the odd ingredients. "Speaking of, we have to undo Mad-Eye's enchantments."

"What do you mean?"

"Because we now have our own private squad of agents, we have to reduce the intensity of the field to merely cover the house."

"What a load of rubbish," Tonks said, looking as though they were asking for the moon.

"One of them told me it best to comply with what they ask that way it will look as though I am trying to be a model citizen and they'll be able to leave sooner."

"They told you that?"

"Yeah, one of them seemed decent, which was a nice change from men like Thomas Maynard."

"Thomas fucking Maynard, ooh that man makes my skin crawl," Tonks said shuddering, making Remus smile. "Well I'm glad to see you're feeling better and have managed a smile for me. Does that mean you're going to be cordial at the festivities this evening?"

"Of course I will, my mother did teach me some manners."

"I know, sweetheart," she said, wrapping her arms around his middle so that she was facing him, pressing her body up against his. "Your mother raised you right."

"I should hope so," Remus said, putting his own arms around her waist. "She certainly beat in to me proper civility at a party."

"Too bad she couldn't teach you about civility towards your wife…"

"I think you would have liked my mum," Remus said, carefully changing the subject. "I certainly think your mum and my mum would have gotten on swimmingly."

"What was she like?"

"My mum? She was… well, she was the strongest person I have ever met." Remus said simply. "She endured so much, and she hardly ever thought about herself, and she loved me and my father fiercely. Even after all that had happened."

"She sounds like an incredible woman." Tonks said. "I'm sad I'll never know her."

"Me too," Remus said, nodding his head slowly. "Me too."

They spent the rest of the time talking about childhood memories and the disasters mothers can be, and Remus found himself a little happier than when first he woke. Despite his desire of wanting to leave, there was something so comforting about being in her company, merely talking about nonsense or diving deep into theological thought. At last, it was time to get ready for the wedding. This was the moment Remus was not looking forward to. Tonks happily began trying on a multitude of dresses, varying the style and color as she began to change her hair. She finally settled on a simple yet elegant dress of the finest silver silk, with excess fabric draping low on her back, revealing her shapely skin underneath. Her hair, Remus noted, was long and blonde, a slight curl at the ends, and he remembered the time he found a picture of her and Charlie when they were at school together, her hair a very similar shade. He found himself being poked again by the green monster of jealousy. _Was she doing her hair this way for Charlie?_

"What do you think? Not too dramatic?" She asked, spinning around slowly so he could take in the full affect, and Remus' eyes lingered on the shapeliness of her exposed back before moving unconsciously to her flat stomach. The dress left little to the imagination about her figure, yet nothing seemed changed, at least not enough to arouse suspicion about her pregnancy.

"You look beautiful," Remus said sincerely. "I think Fleur will be properly jealous as you might rival her."

"Well you clean up nicely yourself, Mr. Lupin," she said, straightening his bowtie underneath his dress robes. "I do wish I could convince you into buying a new set of dress robes."

"I just don't see the need for the added expense." He said honestly. "They're so rarely worn, there is no need for another set."

"I know, but darling, these are practically ancient." She said, plucking off a stray thread on the cuff. "Well, at least I know what to get you for Christmas this year."

"If we're here to see Christmas," Remus muttered.

"Hey, enough of that talk!" Tonks said sharply, holding his face between one of her hands, squeezing it hard, and Remus was reminded momentarily of his mother doing something similar when he was younger to wipe his face clean. "We're going to a wedding, someone else's day to have people gush over them, and they don't want it spoiled by talk of death and dying and war."

"Yes, mum," he said sarcastically, causing her to smile.

"Try to look happy, sweetheart," she said, releasing him from her death grip. "Whatever is going on in that mind of yours, it doesn't matter now. All that matters is that we are going to be with the people we love the most, and who love us just as fiercely. And we are going to dance and drink champagne-"

"_I'll_ drink the champagne," he reminded her.

"Right, _you'll_ drink the champagne for the two of us, and we'll forget about the war, just for this one night. Deal?"

Remus took a moment before saying, "Deal."

She smiled as they headed out the front door. Remus informed the new guard on duty that he would be taking his wife out to dinner and they should be home around midnight. Remus lied purposefully as he didn't need the Ministry to know they were headed for the Burrow in celebration of a wedding, while his own marriage was still a sore subject.

They clearly were not the first to arrive, as it seemed like dozens of people were arriving all the time. Remus was shocked to see so many witches and wizards arriving for the wedding, and he thought back to his and Tonks' own ceremony and how few people had been in attendance. He looked over to Tonks who was simply beaming, almost glowing, her blonde hair shimming in the light of the hundreds of candles illuminating the crisp white marquee. There was just a joyous atmosphere all around him, as everyone, it seemed, were eager to have something to celebrate. Who could blame them? With everyone constantly on edge about what each day might bring, or if their families were to be targeted next, there left very little time to celebrate such moments as the binding of two young people in love. He followed behind Tonks who seemed so at ease with the atmosphere, so at ease with smiling at people, shaking hands, laughing earnestly that it made Remus feel like her shadow, something there, but never acknowledged, something to be ignored. He could feel a few people's sneers, could see the looks of disgust, could hear the hushed whispers. Remus went to find his seat as Tonks chatted happily with Hermione, who was pointing out a sullen looking Weasley cousin sitting next to Ron. Hermione was looking very pretty, but Remus saw the forced aged look underneath her eyes, around her mouth, was even more prominent, and he thought it odd she should look so careworn on such a joyous day. He gave her a tentative wave, which she returned with a more than eager smile.

Soon enough they were asked to take their seats as the music began for the ceremony to start.

"You see that kid, sitting next to Ron?" Tonks leaned in close to whisper in Remus' ear. The feeling of her warm breath, the smell of her perfume, the dazzling look in her eyes were very alluring, and Remus was having trouble concentrating. He nodded to acknowledge he saw the young man. "It's Harry."

"What?" Remus asked, completely confused, watching as Bill Weasley walked his mother down the aisle, kissing her on the cheek before she tearfully sat down in her seat in the front.

"Yeah, Hermione just finished telling me. They used Polyjuice Potion so that he could attend the wedding without people stopping to gawk at him." She said, looking up as Charlie Weasley made his way down the aisle, winking at Tonks as he passed by. She giggled girlishly.

"Shh!" said an older witch, turning around in the seat in front of them to silence the rudeness.

"Sorry!" Tonks said, whispering loudly, making a few people turn around and to stare. She blushed scarlet, looking back to Charlie, who seemed to be trying to hold in his laughter. "Anyway," she said, returning to whisper intimately in Remus' ear, "wasn't that terribly clever of them?"

Remus simply nodded his head. He was not looking at the imposter Harry, he was continuing to stare at Charlie Weasley, who, when he wasn't looking at his elder brother, was looking at Tonks. Finally, after Ginny Weasley and a girl who looked very much like she was Fleur's sister, Fleur came in with her rather unexpected father. Everyone stood as they entered, and Tonks looked almost startled seeing the short fat man who had landed such a beautiful, half Veela for a wife. She then looked back to Charlie, mouthing something, making Charlie turn away to hide his laughter. She, in turn, turned her face away from the aisle to hide her mirth. The ceremony past without much incident, Tonks and Charlie continuing to make faces at one another, seeming to speak in their own silent language. Remus found his right hand slightly trembling with jealousy. Noticing it, he forced his hand to grip his knee so that he could rid himself of this feeling. Seeing her husband grab hold of leg in this manner, Tonks mistook it for trying to steady his emotions as the bride and groom were saying their vows.

"Aw, sweetheart," she whispered affectionately, taking hold of his hand and kissing it. He watched Charlie's reaction to Tonks' act of loving devotion. He looked as though he had just swallowed something unpleasant. A small grin passed across Remus' mouth as he leaned in to kiss Tonks delicately on the mouth, knowing full well Charlie would be watching. As he broke away from the kiss, the group gathered together began to applaud for the newly married couple at the front, as they had just been magically bonded together.

"We should bring you to weddings more often," Tonks said, standing up and applauding with everyone else, a mischievous grin on her face.

Soon, the rows had been magically cleared and round tables had taken their place leaving room enough for a dance floor. In the scuffle, Tonks made her way over to where Ron, Hermione, and whom he now knew to be Harry, were standing, waiting to find their dining table.

"Wotcher, Harry," Tonks said in a low tone. "Hermione told me it was you."

The sullen looking ginger looked at Tonks and smiled. "Brilliant disguise, eh?" said Harry, whose voice was so much deeper than what it normally was.

"We're so sorry we couldn't have stayed longer for your birthday, yesterday," Remus said quietly, making sure that no one should over hear him.

"Yeah, the Ministry is being very anti-werewolf at the moment and we thought our presence here might do more harm than good." Tonks said.

"It's no problem," said Harry. "Honestly," he added looking specifically at Remus, "these things can't be helped."

Remus gave the boy a sad smile. Even as this ginger youth, there was no mistaking Lily's kindness in the boy. Remus and Tonks took their seats at a table nearer to the back, which also was the placement for other members of the Order, and two Weasley relations who were kind enough, but kept to themselves. Remus felt the whole proceedings, from the cake cutting to the first dance, were surreal. He was simply sitting in a daze as people all around him were chatting away, laughing, so content. He didn't even take notice to Charlie Weasley coming up to their table.

"Might I have this dance, Madame?" Charlie said, bowing deeply before offering Tonks his hand.

"_Bien sûr, Monsieur_," Tonks said taking hold of his hand, grinning. Remus watched as they made their way onto the dance floor, Charlie holding her close, the hand on her waist seemed to hold her tight. He watched as Charlie leaned in closer to whisper something in her ear, causing Tonks to laugh riotously against the soothing sounds of the slow song, and then to whisper something into his ear, causing Charlie to laugh just as loudly. It made Remus' heart ache, as though everything she did was calculated to make him angry, or jealous, or spiteful. Looking at the pair of them dancing, they looked like a couple, moved like a couple, laughed like a couple.

He wanted to leave. Watching them dance, surrounded by other smiling, happy couples, Remus could not bear to see her like this, so perfect, so… _human_.

Remus needed to step outside, to get some air, to be removed from such a display. The song faded out and the couples gradually came to a stop as Remus excused himself away from the table. He weaved in and out of people all standing around drinking and conversing, completely oblivious to his existence. Finally, he was outside, in the brisk night air. It felt good to have fresh clear air enter into his lungs, was glad for the cooling affect he so desperately needed. Why did her dancing with Charlie effect him so? He knew they were friends, knew about their past relationship, yet he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something so much more to it all. Charlie was still in love with her, that much was clear, but did she in turn reciprocate those feelings? Remus didn't know. And who could blame her if she did? With cruelty at his beck and call lately, she was treated no better than a dog, and it wasn't fair. He could not blame her if she turned to Charlie for a moment of comfort or support, there was no way to deny that he had not been the most pleasant of company. Yet, why did it still hurt so badly to watch her fall so easily into Charlie's arms, dancing, laughing, and seemingly in love?

"She's _your_ wife," he said aloud, almost stamping his foot in protest. He marched himself back inside the marquee ready to take her firmly back into his own arms. He found them sitting at their table, Charlie in his seat, heads leaning in close together, in hushed tones, as though they did not want anyone else in on the secret.

"My dear," Remus said, extending his own hand towards Tonks, "would you grant your grumpy old husband the pleasure of this next dance?"

Tonks startled by the sudden appearance of her husband, breathlessly responded, "Yes."

Remus helped her to her feet as he led her out onto the dance floor, pressing her close, hands grasped so tight, oblivious to all those around them.

"You look very beautiful tonight," he said, leaning in close to whisper in her ear.

Remus could feel her smile against his chest.

"Thank you," she said quietly, as they swayed in time to the low docile tones. "I'm glad to see you've come around."

"Well, to be honest, I couldn't stand seeing Charlie Weasley dance with you any longer."

She laughed, but it was not the kind of laughter she and Charlie shared. It was deeper, more mature, more seductive. "Well, I can't say it wasn't Charlie's goal in making you jealous."

"So, he purposefully is trying to make me jealous?"

"I told him it wasn't going to work as you weren't the jealous sort. Besides, you're the one I married, not him. A fact I very pointedly told him this evening."

"You've had to remind him that you're married to me?" Remus asked, turning his gaze away from her brilliant blonde head and to where Charlie was sitting, watching them dance.

"Only because I saw you getting jealous when we were laughing earlier over Fleur's father. And then again when we were dancing, and then again, just now, you looking over at him." Tonks said, a smile in her voice.

"I'm a bit of a tosser, aren't I?" Remus said, silently agreeing that he needed to let loose more, perhaps enjoy the champagne everyone else was.

"Just a wee bit, but darling, it makes me happy to know that you are protective of me, even with something as unfounded as me falling back into the arms of Charlie Weasley."

"Stranger things have happened," Remus said, stilling eying suspiciously over towards Charlie's direction.

"But this is something you will never have to worry about," she said, titling her head up towards his and leaning in closer for the most delicate of kisses. Normally, Remus would have felt some embarrassment over such a public display of affection, but instead he held her even closer to extend the length and passion of their kiss.

Suddenly, there was a great _whooshing_ sound as a silver streak appeared right in the middle of the dance floor, and Remus recognized it instantly as a Patronus. Kingley's Patronus.

"_The Ministry of Magic has fallen. Minister dead. They're coming. Run." _

Several people screamed. Remus and Tonks looked at one another and began shouting out protective charms as people were running, pushing against one another, all propriety forgotten, trying to make their way outside to Apparate. Almost instantly dark hooded and masked figures where streaking through the sky, leaving a trail of sinister curses in their wake, illuminating the white fabric of the marquee with brilliant flashes of color, of reds and greens and gold. Remus looked frantically around towards Tonks, who was quick to action, helping people along, before running out of the tent herself. Remus heard the unmistakable sounds of spells being cast and people beginning in frantic duels. Remus looked quickly around for any sign of Ron, Hermione, or Harry but could not find them anywhere in the crowd. He prayed to Merlin that they found a way out of there in time. Remus pushed his way through the crowd, just in time to see what appeared to be Ministry officials dueling with members of the Order of the Phoenix. Although they wore the robes of those from the Ministry, Remus recognized many of them as Death Eaters. Soon enough, Remus found himself engaged in battle against a fearsome looking man, who Remus could not recognize, yet he knew he had seen his face before. The man gave Remus a broad grin, revealing yellow crooked teeth.

"Balthazar?" Remus asked, giving the man a momentary pause from battle, in which he took full advantage, casting Crucio knocking Remus off his feet. Pain, beyond agonizing pain, flooded every inch of his skin, but he refused to cry out, to show weakness. But it was brief, a little test from the man who had cast it, like a cat playing with a freshly caught mouse. While his body was struggling to recover from the aftershock of the curse, Remus knew where he had seen that face before: it was one of the werewolves from the caves. Sure enough, as his limbs began to regain some feeling, he could see the yellowing smile, and shaggy appearance of a man who had been living in squalor.

"Well, well, well, look what we 'ave 'ere. The professor." Balthazar sneered.

Remus felt his wand, still tightly gripped in his hand, react without the need of Remus' full conscious thought.

"Arg!" Balthazar screamed, having been thrown backwards from the force of the spell.

"Hold your fire!" someone shouted from above the roar of spells. Only a few people stopped dueling. "HOLD YOUR FIRE!" the magically modified voice boomed from every direction. Everyone stilled, even the Death Eaters seemed to follow the instructions from his magical voice. Finally recovered from the shock of the Cruciatus Curse, Remus got himself off the ground to see just who was commanding this army of Ministry officials and Death Eaters alike. He searched the crowd and saw Tonks, breathing heavily, her wand still at the ready, but very much alive and well. He breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Now," said the voice more calmly. "We don't need anyone unnecessarily hurt." Remus could see a few of the Death Eaters scoff, and knew they wanted so much more than to simply stun or disarm the guests in attendance. "We have simply come here for one thing, and one thing only. We knew there was to be a gathering tonight, and we know Harry Potter was to be in attendance." A few voices broke out in shushed whispers, as Harry's name passed their lips. "Silence!" Boomed the voice once more and everything fell deadly still. "Thank you, now we can make this nice and simple, is Harry Potter here?" No one spoke, no one dared to move. "Right. Does anyone know where Mr. Potter is?" Again, no one said a word. Remus thanked Merlin that they had been clever enough to disguise Harry. Anyone questioned tonight could honestly say that had not seen the boy. Growing aggravated the deep voice very harshly and rapidly said, "Mr. Potter is wanted for the murder of Albus Dumbledore, he is a dangerous fugitive and is wanted by the Ministry. Now, I ask again, where is Harry Potter?"

"Uh," and Remus closed his eyes as he heard Mr. Weasley speak out against the silent crowd. "Gawain, we haven't seen Harry for quite some time. You can ask anyone here tonight, he wasn't here."

"Oh really?" Robards said, and Remus was finally able to get a good look at Gawain Robards, head of the Auror Department. He looked frantically towards Tonks, whose wide eyes seemed magnified seeing her old boss command this small army. She clearly had no idea his loyalties now lay elsewhere.

"That's not right, the Potter boy is friends with their youngest son! Of course he was here tonight!" Remus could not tell who spoke, whether it was a Death Eater or Auror, but Remus felt the urge to gag their mouth tightly.

"It's true!" Squeaked Mrs. Weasley, who was pale and shaken but otherwise unhurt. "Harry couldn't make it tonight. He's not been here."

"Let's just see if he has," said a sneering, deadly voice. Remus recognized it as Yaxley's. "Crucio!" and a few people screamed as the curse hit Arthur Weasley square in the chest making him fall to the ground. Molly tried rushing to her husband's side, but was thrown backwards by a spell used by Robards. "Where is Harry Potter?" Yaxley called above Mr. Weasley's screams.

"He's… not… here…" He panted, the pain so clearly written all over his face, and Remus' heart went out to the man. Even if Harry, the real Harry, had been present tonight, he knew there was no way Arthur would have given in. Harry was family to the Weasleys.

"That's illegal!" Tonks cried out from the crowd. "You can't torture him like that!" Remus stiffened, waiting at the ready to jump in and intervene if Yaxley should dare to harm Tonks.

"You'll find that we can, shape shifter," Yaxley said with an eerie sneer.

"That's enough Yaxley," Robards said, looking disgusted by his colleague. "He clearly doesn't know where the boy is."

"He may not, but there are others here who might." Yaxley said, pointing his wand toward Tonks, who blanched only slightly, but her face remained calm and resolute.

"He's not here!" Remus heard himself say. He didn't know what made him do it, but suddenly all the attention was turned toward him. "Like Arthur said, ask anyone who was here tonight. They will all tell you the same; the boy was not here. Besides, he's not even in the country I should imagine."

"What do you mean, dog?" Yaxley said, taking giant strides towards Remus. "What do you know?"

"He's gone, left, escaped somewhere." Remus said with a shrug, trying to seem as thought this was the easiest explanation in the world, but inside his chest was beating rapidly, the adrenaline coursing through his veins making him jittery and prone to rambling.

"Where?" Yaxley demanded again, raising his wand in Remus' face as though to say, _don't mess with me_.

"I don't know where. After Mad-Eye died he just up and left. Didn't tell anyone where he was going. Everyone in the Order will tell you the same."

"Enough of this!" Robards said, walking in between Remus and Yaxley, looking slightly shaken at the mention of Mad-Eye. Remus knew the two of them had been close, working side by side as heads of the Auror Department. Remus wondered what Mad-Eye would have said seeing his friend and partner now. "Yaxley, the boy clearly is not here. And there are too many people here to interrogate one by one to see what they know."

"I don't mind taking the time to be… thorough." Yaxley said, a sardonic smile on his lips.

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><p><strong>an:** i hope you guys didn't give up on me! it has been a very crazy school year, followed by an equally crazy work schedule, but i am making a solemn vow to post more. i actually have a good part of the next three chapters written, so hopefully they will be posted soon.

like what you read? want to see more? click on the review button below. everything and anything is appreciated!


	20. The Ties That Break

a/n: The Harry Potter Universe are the sole property rights of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers, and no copyright infringement is intended. I merely amuse myself with their silly antics. M rating for adult situations, language and mild violence. Took me long enough, but here it is, and as always I hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty: The Ties that Break<strong>

The pit of Remus' stomach was doing somersaults as Yaxley and Robards began speaking in hushed whispers, trying to figure out the best course of action. It was clear that Robards did not think a more aggressive approach was needed, and Remus was starting to realize that he might just be on their side after all. While they were furiously debating the best course of action, Remus locked eyes with Tonks, who was gripping her wand tightly, fury in her eyes, her once elegant appearance disheveled and she looked as though she was ready to pounce. They locked eyes and Remus could tell she too was thinking of the best course of action. There were too few of them to take down all the intruders, but Remus knew that if they didn't think of something fast, many of these people would be subjected to torture, or worse.

"Enough of this!" said a surly looking Death Eater. "Let's just interrogate the lot of them! One of them has to know where Potter is!"

"He wasn't here tonight!" Tonks said ferociously. "Get one of your Legillimens masters down here and look into our minds if you want. He wasn't here tonight, and we don't know where he is."

"Tonks," Robards said threateningly, and Remus had to agree. She shouldn't be speaking out of turn like this.

"That's not a bad idea," Yaxley said, staring intently at Tonks, who in turn was doing her part in staring him down. "We could get Snape out here."

Remus could feel the blood draining away from his face. _Snape_. He didn't know what would happen if he was to see Severus Snape again. He thought he might kill him on sight.

"There's no need, I'm proficient enough," Robards said, dismissing the thought with a wave of his hand. "Right, this is how it's going to go down. We'll take everyone in turn and ask a few standard questions."

"Yeah, anyone who has a problem with that will have to answer to me." Yaxley said brandishing his wand, and sneering at Tonks. "The five of you," he said, pointing to five of the Death Eaters. "Search the house, be as _thorough_ as possible."

Remus heard Mrs. Weasley, who was still comforting her husband, let out a mournful sound, but did not stop the men who were making great strides towards the house. Soon enough the sounds of crashing furniture and plates being smashed could be heard in the distance. Mrs. Weasley stood up and made to go towards her home, but her husband stopped her muttering, "It's not worth it, Molly." Remus' heart went out towards Mrs. Weasley, seeing her silent tears roll down her cheeks, as she had to watch from a distance her home being violated and destroyed. Remus saw Charlie, Fred and George all looking as though they would like nothing more than to physically throw each and every one of those men from their home. But they seemed to be mastering the impulse.

"Edmund, you and Richard start rounding up everyone. I might start with the shape shifter here, she looks like she is just itching to tell me something."

"Yaxley," Robards said threateningly. "You're forgetting your place. I'm the head of the Auror Department, I will be giving out the orders here."

"You know, I think you'll come to find you don't have as much authority as you used to have."

"Is that a threat?" Robards growled.

"Absolutely," Yaxley said, an evil sneer playing across his mouth. "Now, whose first? Ah, yes, the mouthy shape shifter."

Remus, immediately sensing danger, called out, "I'll go first!"

Yaxley's head turned sharply to see who had called out. "Ah, the dog, eh? Got a thing for the mutant?"

Remus didn't respond. He simply stood his ground.

"Oh, but that's right. You two got 'married'. So, why don't I take the love birds with me?"

"Why don't I take Tonks? I've been meaning to discipline her for a while," Robards said.

"Oh, so that's how it is," Yaxely said, actually chuckling over what he thought Robards had meant, as though he wanted to be giving Tonks some form of sexual punishment. "Alright, you take the freak. I'll start on the werewolf."

And so it went. Each of them were taken aside and interrogated for hours, while the others were corralled together under the watchful eye of several Death Eaters; made to watch as love ones, colleagues, and equals were taken aside to undergo a litany of questions. Some had it worse than others. Rattled nerves made some answers seem untrue, and so it was forced from them, mostly by means of the Cruciatus Curse. But by the end of the evening, it was pretty clear none of them had seen the real Harry Potter. It was at this point there was a faint popping noise, as every head turned around to see who was interrupting their 'party'. Remus had one horrid moment where he thought Snape might be joining them. But relief washed over him as he saw the figure of Kingsley Shacklebolt coming towards them.

"Yaxley, you're needed back at the Ministry." Kingsley said briskly, not acknowledging anyone in the group, but kept his focus entirely on Yaxley.

"Shacklebolt," Yaxley said in acknowledgment.

"You've had your fun. Now, take your posse and report back we had no luck at the Weasley's." Kingsley said, using a tone of voice Remus had rarely heard from such a kind man.

"See if Bellatrix and the rest of them had any luck at the other locations," Robards added, coming to Kingsley aid. "We need to regroup anyway, find out our new marching orders from Thicknesse, and… _him_." Remus saw Robards shudder, and he knew of only one person who could instill that much fear in someone. Yaxley stared down Robards until finally relenting, calling out the names of people as they Disapparated one by one, some leaving a trail of jinxes in their wake.

"Bloody hell," Robards muttered under his breath, running a hand through his greying hair. "Right, you lot, with the Order. I need a word. The rest of you," he said, speaking to the larger crowd at hand, the ones who could not Apparate quick enough, "you're free to leave." Instantly the sounds of popping were heard as people did not hesitate in leaving the ill-fated wedding. Remus could see that Bill and Fleur, holding onto each other, did not leave with the rest of the crowd. Molly, followed quickly by Arthur, ran back into the house to assess the damage that had been done in their search for Harry.

"Robards!" Tonks said, stomping her feet as she approached her boss. "What the fuck was all of this mess?"

"Language, Tonks." Robards grumbled, but Remus could see that this clearly had not been his doing.

"Seriously? What the fuck happened?" Tonks pressed on.

"We were outnumbered, it was as simple as that. I got a call about the Minister being killed, and to come in right away. But when I got there the fighting was just coming to an end. We did the best that we could, but we lost control. Then _he_ showed up. He said anyone against the Death Eaters was against the Ministry, an offense punishable by death. We had no choice but to conform to his will. We were made to swear a blood oath we were with him." Robards looked apologetic, as though it was entirely his fault the Ministry was now controlled by Voldemort.

"It's not your fault, Gawain," Tonks said with a sigh. "We would have done in the same in the situation. No one wants to die."

"I just wish Mad-Eye was here, he'd know exactly what to do." He said sorrowfully.

"He would have died before he'd seen the Ministry fall," Kingsley said quietly, and Remus had to agree. There was no way Alastor Moody would have stood by to watch the Ministry fall into the hands of Lord Voldemort.

"Yeah, well," Robards said, looking down at his feet. "So truthfully, Tonks, Potter wasn't here tonight?"

"No, he wasn't." Tonks said so convincingly that even Remus began to believe her.

"And you don't know where the boy has gone?"

"No, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you." Tonks said indignantly.

"I figured as much," Robards said, looking out into the small crowd still gathered in the yard.

"So, what do we know about the take over?" Remus asked, still feeling slightly shaken from night's proceedings.

"Thicknesse has taken over as the new Minister, but Merlin knows whether or not he's doing this under his own steam." Kingsley said, looking equally distressed.

"You're all being followed," Robards said cryptically. "Every single known member of the Order of the Phoenix. They're going to come after everyone and anyone associated with Potter to make sure that they have haven't left any stone unturned."

"And they're claiming that he was responsible for Dumbledore's death?" Remus asked. "They think they'll turn the public against him?"

"It will be printed in tomorrow's _Prophet_. I think their hope is that if Potter is hiding with a sympathetic member of the public, knowing the danger of staying with an Order member, they'll be more apt turn him in."

"You don't think the people would really buy into that theory?" Tonks said, sounding incredulous.

"I would hope not, but people are scared and quick to believe anything." Robards said, trying to rub away a sore head. "I just don't know what to do."

"I guess there is not much we can do," Remus said, feeling the complete hopelessness of the situation.

"I can tell you one thing, we should all hope that one of you lot either finds Potter or tell him he's in grave danger." Robards said.

"You mean more than usual…" Tonks muttered.

"I'm serious, Tonks." Robards said sternly. "With the new regime change, he's now public enemy number one. It's shoot to kill for him, or anyone found to be in contempt of the new Ministry. No questions asked."

Remus and Tonks exchanged worried glances.

"Well, I need to head back to the Ministry. They're going to start to question why I'm lingering around here."

"Thanks, Gawain," Kingsley said. Robards gave a quick nod of his head before Disapparating. "We should get inside, see how Molly is holding up." Kingsley said, looking back towards the Burrow.

The three of them headed in towards the house, and Remus could even see at a distance the place had taken a thoroughly beating. The front door looked as though someone had blasted a hole through it, large wooden splinters were littered everywhere. The interior was no better. Shards of glass, ceramics, and pottery were scattered like piles of leaves on an Autum's day. Pillows seem to have been ripped apart, feathers and stuffing covering every inch of the living room. Papers, torn and whole, seemed to still be fluttering down as though someone had just thrown them in the air.

"Molly?" Tonks called out.

"In the kitchen, dear." She called out. Tonks immediately headed for the kitchen, but Remus stayed behind. He began silently to try and reassemble the furniture, try to repair some of the damage caused by the unwanted and unnessecary battery the poor home had been through.

"It's not worth it," said a mournful Mr. Weasley. "Just leave till the morning, Remus."

"It's no bother, Arthur, honestly." Remus said, continuing to magically stitch together a pillow.

"Remus," Mr. Weasley said again, and there was something in his voice that made Remus stop what he was doing. The pillow that had been magically reassembling itself fell to the floor with an unceremonious _thud_. "We should try to figure out where the kids are."

"Does anyone have any idea where Potter and the rest of them had headed after the wedding?" Kingsley asked, moving some feathers off of the lumpy old armchair, sitting down with his head in his hands.

"Let's hope its somewhere far away from here." Mr. Weasley said.

There was something like panic beginning to build inside of Remus. He wanted to do something, to help, to find Harry, to make sure that he was still alive. _Harry is smart, he would know a place to go that would have him out of the reach of the Ministry, or at least Hermione would,_ he thought. But this did nothing to settle his nerves.

"Should we try contacting them?" Mrs. Weasley asked, coming in from the kitchen, yellow rubber gloves and a flowery apron on.

"Would it be safe?" Remus asked.

"We could try a Patronus message," Kingsley said, lifting his head up, looking over to Tonks who had come into the room with Mrs. Weasley.

"It's worth a shot," Tonks agreed.

Mr. Weasley nodded his head and withdrew his wand. Everyone was watching silently as he concentrated hard on the message before giving it a wave as the silvery shadow of a weasel came bursting forth. And as soon as the brilliant light had filled the room, it was gone, and with it went any logical thought floating through Remus' head. He wanted to leave, to act, to be gone away from these depressing faces in this depressing dismantled house. He started to pace, like some caged animal, he kept walking back and forth, waiting for someone to say something, to do something, suggest anything that would end this agony of waiting.

But no one did.

They simply stared at him, stared at the animal in its caged, with its pent up anger and frustration.

"Well… someone needs to help them!" Remus bellowed, looking around the room at them all. "They're three teenage kids, Harry barely seventeen, and they shouldn't be alone right now! They could be dead for all we know."

"Remus, they're not stupid, they'll find a safe place to hide out for a few days. They know better than to make themselves a target." Mr. Weasley said, putting away his wand.

"How can they find out all that is going on without our telling them? Hmm? If they're in hiding, they won't have access to the _Daily Prophet_, or a wireless, or anything of that nature."

"Remus," Tonks said quietly. She looked careworn and in need of sleep. "Robards said we're all being followed. How can we help Harry without giving away his position?"

"I… don't know," he said slowly. He hadn't thought about that. "All I know is, they're going to need help. We still don't even know what Dumbledore tasked Harry to do before he died!" Remus suddenly found himself frustrated at Dumbledore and the secretive way he departed this world. There were so many unanswered questions, so many things left unsaid it didn't seem fair.

"If Dumbledore gave Harry a task, I'm sure he gave him thorough instructions on what to do and how to do it." Kingsley said.

"But what if he didn't? What if, in true 'Dumbledore' style, all he left them were riddles and clues? I mean, look at what he left the kids in his will: a snitch, a book of children's tales, and his deluminator. Unless their task is to teach a group of children Quidditch who are living in a very dark cave, I don't know how they can survive. Harry tried to _disarm_ Death Eaters the other night! What do you think will happen to them if they're faced with another group of them, or what if they encounter Voldemort again?"

"They'll know what to do when the time comes, Remus," Kingsley said, but Remus could see that his conviction was starting to waver. "Besides, we're all going to have to keep a closer watch for ourselves and for the Order. If each of us is being followed, we're going to have to be more cautious than ever. Apparation should be are only means of transport, as they cannot track us as easily that way. Life should continue on as though nothing happened tonight. Bill and Fleur, you'll go on your holiday. Arthur, Tonks, you'll go back to work at the Ministry."

"Can't, King," Tonks said looking a little sheepish, "I'm still suspended, remember?"

"With the way things are at the moment, I'm sure Robards will take you off suspension right away. I'll contact him tonight that you'll be there in the morning."

"We're going to have to make sure our enchantments are up on the safe house locations at all times. With the Death Eaters controlling the Ministry, they won't hesitate in using Dark Magic to break through barriers, as we saw they did tonight."

"I'll check on Dedalus and Hestia's houses," Mr. Weasley said.

"Should someone look into what became of Mad-Eye's house?" Tonks asked. "His was one of the safe house locations."

"Mad-Eye's belongings, for the most part have been removed and given over to his next of kin, or whoever was in his will." Kingsley said. "If they did anything to it, it was just an empty shell."

"Still..." Tonks said.

"I know," Kingsley said nodding sadly, "I'll look into it."

"I'll check on mum and dad," Tonks said, looking over to Remus. He nodded his head to signal he would go with her.

"Be careful, dears," Mrs. Weasley said, coming around to hug both he and Tonks very tightly.

"Are you sure Molly you don't need us to help clean up?" Remus asked, grateful for the warm hug he received from her, she had the most magical hugs. "I feel bad leaving this place this way."

"No, dear, you go on and leave. Arthur and I will tackle this together. God knows this house could have done with a deep cleaning decades ago. But come around tomorrow, won't you? I'll need help finishing off these leftovers." They said their goodbyes to the rest of the haggard group and left the warmth of the Burrow.

"What was all that about?" Tonks said, rounding on him as they walked quickly through the yard towards the edge of the enchantments.

"What are you talking about?" Remus said, a bite in his tone.

"Seemed like you couldn't wait to leave, like you were jumping at the chance to look for Harry, Ron and Hermione."

"Dora, they're kids, they have no idea the danger they're up against." Remus said, shaking his head about how she was reacting to the most trivial of topics.

"It's Harry Potter, Remus, not some doe eyed school boy who thinks he could tackle You-Know-Who single handedly. At the very least he has Hermione with him, who is bloody brilliant and level headed. She'll be able to keep him grounded and get him out of a tight spot should the need arise."

"They're still kids," Remus said impatiently.

"Yeah, well there is one kid I hoped had more of your attention," she said angrily.

"What are you talking about?"

She let out a frustrated snort of laughter. "Never mind."

The closer they got to the barrier, they saw in the distance, several hooded figures seemingly waiting for them. Silently, Tonks held out her hand for him to hold. He did so, and instantly they Disapparated.

The moment they landed in the yard, Remus knew something was wrong. The door, it seemed, had been forcibly kicked in, glass was shattered in the windowpane. There were a few lights on in the house, yet there was a feeling that no one was home. Startled, Tonks ran towards her childhood home.

"Dora! Wait! You don't know who might be in there!" Remus yelled, running after her, but she didn't listen. She kept running until she was inside the house. Inside seemed to find her most fearful nightmares realized. The interior was trashed, torn apart and thrown aside, almost worst than Burrow.

"Mum! Dad!" She called out, frantically searching through all the rooms, each of which seemed to have been slashed and destroyed. "Mum! Dad!" Tonks cried out again, running up the stairs to look through the bedrooms. Remus, too, began to slowly look through the rooms downstairs, but he feared he might stumble across their bodies at any moment. Just then he heard a terrified scream and he recognized it to belonging to Nymphadora. Panic surged through his body like ice water as he ran up the stairs, taking two at a time, to find her in her parent's bedroom, their limp bodies pale still wearing their pyjamas, a trickle of blood coming from Ted Tonks' fair hair.

"Dora!" Remus said, running over to where she was huddled on the ground, sobbing hysterically, holding her mother's head in her lap, rocking back and forth. "Oh, Dora," he said, sitting down on the ground with her, holding her tightly.

"T-they're a-alive," she croaked out. Pulling sharply away from her, he looked over to Ted's body, where indeed, he saw his chest rising and falling with life giving breath.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus said, realizing that they needed to be treated, they needed help, but he wasn't sure what had happened to them, or why they were alarmingly unconscious.

"T-tortured." She said, looking down at her mother, her crying slowly calming down. "Mum t-told me before s-she passed out. C-cruciatus. Should we t-try and Reanimate them?"

"The best thing for them is rest," Remus said, looking horrified at the bodies on the floor. "Let's move them onto the bed."

She nodded, wiping the tears away from her eyes as she stood up, and they both lifted their wands to make Andromeda and Ted's bodies hover eerily off the ground, before placing them gently in their bed.

"I'll get some ointment for dad's head," Tonks said quietly, looking over to her father and the wound that still seemed to be oozing bright red blood. She walked out of the room and Remus followed her down the hall to a closet where dozens of potions and Healing supplies were held, many of them leftovers Andromeda had brought home from hospital, no doubt for the many accidents occurred by their less than graceful daughter. "Sorry for panicking like that." She said, still searching through the closet, finding a few clear colored bottles and some gauze. "I came in here, and saw them lying so pale on the ground… I thought they were dead."

"I did too," Remus said sympathetically, and all the anger, all thought of leaving seemed to melt away when he looked into her large soulful eyes, her blonde hair disheveled, strands of which clung to her face, wet from her tears. "There's no need to apologize, sweetheart. You had every right to panic they way you did." He walked over to her and gently took her into his arms. "I'm sorry for being a prick this evening. Between Charlie Weasley and Death Eaters I am still at a loss as to how you can still love me."

"Because that's love, Remus," she said, her head buried into his chest, using the arm not laden with supplies to hold him tightly. "Love makes you blind to all faults."

"For which I have many," he said sadly.

"You love with your whole heart, Remus, and you try to protect the ones you love the most. I don't blame you for being jealous of Charlie, or wanting to leave and help Harry." She sighed and Remus knew she wasn't being completely honest.

"But?" he said, moving her head away so he could look into her eyes.

"_But_, I'd wish you'd have more faith in the love I have for you, and that we're going to get through this _together_."

"Dora," he said, and he mentally kicked himself.

"I know things have been rough, what with our marriage being questioned, and me being suspended from my job, and worrying about the baby, and now You-Know-Who has taken over the Ministry. But we're going to get through this, you just have to have more faith."

"It just seems that when it rains, it pours, and we've had one terrible thing happened, like the ba- mission going awry," Remus said, hopefully covering up the fact he was about to say "the baby" as one of the tragedies that had fallen down on them. "Then Mad-Eye, then the Ministry calling us into question, and your job being suspended, and now our worst fears realized and the Ministry has been dismantled by Death Eaters."

"I know, I don't know how we're going to get through it all, but we will. I know we will."

Remus gave her a weak smile. _How?_ He thought miserably. How we're they suppose to live normally now? Death Eaters controlled the Ministry, her parents had been tortured within an inch of their lives, and the worst of it was, Remus was at his wits end. He wanted to leave; he wanted to escape, to leave this entire mess of a life behind him. It was all too much, his marriage, the baby, _everything_. It was simply _too_ much. Perhaps, if everything had been spread out over time he might have been able to handle it. Even the baby might have been seen as a blessing if there wasn't a war going on. But having everything simply dumped into his lap like this, he simply couldn't cope. The worst of it was, he had no one to talk to, no one to sympathize with. He thought about Thaliard, but he knew his position on the matter. He thought about Lavinia, even, but she was in Cornwall stalking a poor family for Greyback to prey upon. And she was doing that for _him_, to give Remus a chance… for what exactly? A life of not constantly having to look over his shoulder or in the shadows for Greyback coming to attack him? And for how long? Greyback wasn't typically one to make deals like this, how long would his word hold out?

It was all too much.

"Come on, mum and dad are going to need our love and attention more than we do tonight."

And so they spent the rest of their evening attending to the unconscious forms of her parents. By the time the smaller wounds had been mended, and Ted Tonks' head had been bandaged, sleep seemed easy for Tonks to come by, as she curled up in a chair in the corner of her parents' room. She looked so young while she slept, so untroubled and undisturbed by everything that had just recently taken place. Remus placed a blanket over her curled up body, so desperately in need of sleep for her changing body.

He made his way downstairs, thinking of Ted Tonks' library and the copious amounts of alcohol stored inside. The downstairs was a proper disaster; everything had been riffled through, as though they simply wanted to make as much of a mess as possible, to destroy their lives as thoroughly as they could. He was surprised they had not torched the place, surprised that they were left alive.

Remembering seeing just how pale and bloodied they appeared to be, Remus was sure they had died, and it would be one more thing to pile on top of an already mounting swell of fear and sorrow. Remus felt his throat constricting, felt as if he might need to cry, might need to physically release some of the anxiety he was feeling. He wanted to create even more of a mess, wanted to destroy even more of this once beautiful living room. But he mastered the impulse, just as he was mastering the impulse to simply leave.

_No one would stop you, _said that unnerving voice inside his brain_. No one is telling you 'no'._ He could go and look for Harry, could help with this secret mission given to him by Dumbledore. Remus looked to the broken down front door.

No. No, he would not run like a dog that had been kicked, tail between his legs. He would not leave in the middle of the night, like he had done something wrong. He was better than this… wasn't he?

Tonight, with everything that had happened, Remus realized that maybe he had not been thinking straight, that the parasite inside his mind, eating away at his humanity, might be wrong. Maybe everything could be fine if they were together, maybe they could make it work. They certainly worked well together tonight, protecting the guests from the sudden flood of Death Eaters and Ministry officials alike. Was what she kept repeating to be true? That love would save them? He did love her, this night really showed him how much she meant to him, how much he feared for her life and what it meant to see her dead.

Perhaps that's what it all came down to; perhaps that's why he wanted to leave. He could not bear finding her lying dead and lifeless. Perhaps he had been building a wall around his heart in order to protect himself from the pain of having her die, or worse, see him for what he really was. A monster.

Remus made his way into the kitchen to make himself a pot of tea, and to examine the rest of the damage. The Death Eaters did not seem to leave any inch of the place untouched. The kitchen was in too much chaos to even attempt tea. He could make it magically, but it never tasted quite right. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and decided to try and turn in for the night. Walking back up the creaking staircase, he wondered where on earth he should try and sleep. The house was large enough that there had to be more than three or four bedrooms. He walked into the first door he could find and found a spare bedroom, which had not seem to have been touched from the Death Eater's raid. It was smaller than the master bedroom, clean and cozy, decorated in the ornate style Andromeda seemed to prefer. He took off his dress robes and folded them neatly in an armchair, before nestling himself into the fluffy comforter, and tried for what seemed like hours to fall asleep. Somewhere in the middle of his tossing and turning, Tonks had snuck into bed and had carefully intertwined herself around his fitful torso. It was the feeling of her warm, very much alive body, pressed up next to him that finally helped him fall asleep.

The next morning, as the sun rose on yet another day, for a moment Remus felt as though nothing had happened the night before. He thought, too, that he was in his own bed, in his own home, and had his beautiful wife sleeping next to him with not a care in the world. But reality came crashing down upon him like a rogue wave crashing against the shore, throwing him off balance. The undertow of what really happened, or what was happening now, startled Remus to the point where he was finding it hard to breathe. He got out of bed, picking up his clothes and was making his way towards the door.

"Remus?" a sleepy voice said from amid the fluffy duvet. "Where you off to in such a hurry?"

"To, uh, check on your mum and dad," Remus said, as he quickly redressed himself. "See if they're awake yet."

"Oh," Tonks said, scratching her head and yawning. "Wait, I'm just wanting to change into something more comfortable. I'll be two secs." And she lumbered out of bed and down the hall to where Remus presumed to be her old room. Curiosity got the better of him and he followed her down the hall. Her room was spacious, light, not heavy like Andromeda's taste could be, but instead, decorated only in a manner Tonks could accomplish. The amount of colors where almost frightening, yet there was something so happy about each screaming green or shocking magenta stripe on the walls or duvet that Remus couldn't help but smile. There were pictures covering almost an entire wall, all moving and waving and smiling, he even saw another photo of her and Charlie Weasley, happily kissing one another as Charlie moved his hand in front of the camera in an act of false modesty. There were banners and pompoms in yellow and black for Hufflepuff, and it took Remus a moment to realize it wasn't that long ago she was at Hogwarts. There were posters of wizarding rock gods, all buff and handsome in that casual rugged way, and he had to hold back some laughter as he saw a poster of Gilderoy Lockheart on the wall promoting his book, _Wandering With Werewolves_.

"Were you a big Lockheart fan?" Remus asked, pointing to the poster on the wall.

"Wha?" she asked, still half asleep as she tried, unsuccessfully, to put her foot through the leg hole of a worn out pair of joggies. "Oh," she said, realizing what he was pointing to. "Well, it was only natural. He was practically what every girl talked about in my year, wasn't he? Went on all these amazing adventures and this big hero."

"Some hero he turned out to be," Remus muttered.

"Wotcher, you're not getting jealous of Gilderoy fucking Lockheart are you?" she said with a laugh.

"No, of course not. I just didn't know you were into that whole… overly good looking type." He mumbled.

"Well, I'm not. In fact, I'm really into the slightly disheveled, but devilishly charming professor types, actually," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Good thing I found just the man." And she went up on her toes to kiss him delicately on the lips.

"We should check on your dad," he said hoarsely.

"Alright. I can just imagine the foul mood mum will be in when she wakes up."

And as though on cue, there was a piercing scream from down the hall. Remus and Tonks ran as fast as they could into her parent's bedroom. They found Andromeda shrieking at the top of her lungs, trying to shake awake her husband's lifeless form.

"TED!" she yelled, all her focus on her husband she was completely oblivious to Tonks and Remus' arrival into the room.

"Mum!" Tonks yelled above her mother's screams. "It's alright, he's just knocked out."

"Nymphadora?" she said, looking finally up at her daughter with tears in her eyes. "Oh thank Merlin you're here!" And she pulled Tonks into a fierce hug, the type of hug only a mother can give to her child knowing they're safe.

"It's alright, mum, calm down…" Tonks said, startled by her mother's hug.

"Oh, it was awful!" Andromeda sobbed into her daughter's shoulder. "Bella was here, and she said the most horrible things, and the house! They tore apart the house!"

"Bellatrix was here?" Remus interjected.

Andromeda looked up from Tonks shoulder to nod solemnly at Remus.

"She was the one who did this to Ted. Would have done a lot worse if there weren't folks from the Ministry with her. She seemed hell bent on finding Harry Potter, but more than that, she wanted to make sure I wasn't quick to forget why I had been disowned from the family. Said my family was diseased, that it was bad enough having a 'mudblood' in the family, but now her only niece has gone off and married a werewolf."

"She said all that?" Tonks said, startled.

Andromeda nodded her head slowly. "She's going to come after you, Nymphadora, you need to be extremely careful."

"Why would she-"

"The Dark Lord won't be happy about the unwanted connection he now has." Remus said bitterly. "He's not wanting his top Death Eater to have such unclean relatives."

"Oh, that's a load of shite-" Tonks began, but saw the seriousness on both her mother and husband's faces.

"I knew this would-" Andromeda began, but couldn't finish her thought as her daughter angrily cut in.

"Don't you dare for one minute think that my life is somehow in _more_ danger by my marrying Remus," she said, pointing at dangerous finger at her mother before turning it on Remus. "And don't you go down that road of 'we never should have' and 'you'd be better off'. Bellatrix was going to come after me, for one reason or another. This is just the newest excuse."

"But, Nymphadora," her mother said quietly.

"Enough!" She said throwing her hands in the air. "We'll worry about this after I know dad is all right."

The mention of her husband brought Andromeda's attention quickly back to the unconscious form next to her.

"I'm going to try and Reanimate him," Andromeda said, placing her hands delicately on Ted's chest. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and Remus swore he saw some kind of warm glow from beneath her fingertips. Magic like this was rare in a Healer.

Soon enough, Ted Tonks sputtered back into life.

"Wha- what's happening? Drom?" Ted said, sitting up too quickly before finding himself lying back down on the bed. "Why is my head killing me?" He lifted a steady hand to gingerly touch where Tonks had bandaged him the night before.

"Oh, Ted," Andromeda said, throwing her arms around him in a manner very similar to what she had done to Tonks.

"What's all this?" Ted said, looking around to all the people in the room.

"You were tortured, dad," Tonks said, smiling with shining eyes to see her dad all right.

"Was that what happened?" Ted said, looking up at his wife. "Tortured?"

"Bella," Andromeda said simply. "She and a few others were looking for Harry Potter, don't you remember, darling?"

"Vaguely, its all a bit muddled." Ted said, still feeling the swollen bump on his head. "They really mustof done a number on me. My whole body is sore from top to toe."

"She was ruthless. I thought she was going… I could have sworn she was going…" Andromeda started, but emotion got in the way.

"Shh, 'salright, dear, we're all safe and sound, it's going to be all right. No more tears, alright?"

"You both need rest." Tonks said firmly. "Some good ole fashioned TLC will perk you up in no time."

"Dora, when did you get here? Bella didn't attack you, did she?" Ted said, still startled to see his daughter standing over his bedside.

"No, we were at Bill Weasley's wedding last night. The same thing happened there. Though, Robards came through and let nothing too extreme happen."

"Death Eaters came to the wedding?" Andromeda said with a gasp. "Oh poor Molly!"

"They did a number on her house as well," Tonks said sadly. "Looks a bit like the wreckage downstairs."

"Oh the house!" Andromeda said in a panic and tried to stand up, but quickly found her legs were not going to support her weight. Reacting quickly, Remus caught her before she fell to the ground. Andromeda flinched as she felt Remus supporting her, and didn't quite meet his eye as she muttered a small, "Thanks."

"It's back to bed for the pair of you!" Tonks said, even stamping her foot a little to emphasis her point. "I don't want to hear another word of trying to leave this bed until you've fully recovered. Leave the DYI to Remus and I, we'll get it all sorted."

"What about Harry Potter?" Ted said, settling back into the sheets, seemingly happy to follow his daughter's instructions. "They didn't find him, did they?"

"No, luckily we took some precautions so Harry wasn't seen all night at the party and escaped with two of his friends right as the Death Eaters showed up."

"I…" Andromeda began, but looked ashamed. "I told them, Nymphadora, I told them he had been here. That we had helped him that night."

"It's alright, mum, you were being tortured." Tonks said sympathetically. "The Cruciatus Curse is an Unforgivable Curse for a reason. No person should have to suffer because of it."

"My own sister," Andromeda said, tears returning to her eyes. "The things she said to me… The things she said and did to your father…"

"She's a nasty piece of work, your sister. Always has been." Ted said firmly. "Just rotten to the core."

"Ted," Andromeda said, chidingly but didn't quite mean it. Remus found it remarkable that even after all this time, after all the evil and vindictive ways Bellatrix used Andromeda and her family, Andromeda was still defending her. _"Black family ties run deep, something deeper than blood bonds us together,"_ he remembered Sirius bitterly saying to him.

"I'll put the kettle on," Tonks said, and indicated for Remus to leave with her.

The early morning was spent tending to the wounded and to the wounded house. Remus was almost glad for a chance at doing the menial housework; the simplicity in the act of cleaning was a refreshing change for his overwrought brain. It wasn't until he found it necessary to leave the house in order to collect the latest addition of the _Daily Prophet_, did he realize what "being followed" really meant. Simply taking two steps out of the newly repaired front door had two Ministry officials swooping down and grabbing hold of him.

"Creature 4208!" One said, as Remus struggled to free himself from the man's tight hold on his arm. "You are on the premises of an unauthorized family dwelling. You are in violation of your probationary status, and are now to be detained at the Ministry of Magic until a time a hearing will be scheduled for you."

"What?" Remus asked, completely overwhelmed with the goings on.

"Oi! Get off my husband!" Tonks said, storming through the door to see what was causing so much noise.

"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the creature so we can do our job." The smaller of the two men said.

"This utter bollocks!" she said. "On whose authority do you have to take this man away?"

"We are sanctioned by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures." The larger of the two men said. "Werewolf Capture Unit."

"Well, let me talk to my good friend, Gawain Robards, you know, head of the _Auror Department_, about all of this, because I've had it up to here with the WCU."

Instantly the two men froze, and Remus stopped wriggling.

"Auror Robards as no-" the man began.

"You and I both know that Regulation and Control gets some serious help from the Auror Department, and I don't think Auror Robards would take too kindly to two men who are overstepping their authority. Loads of unnecessary paperwork, you understand how that goes down so well with him..."

The two men looked at each other, before roughly releasing Remus from their grip.

"That's better," Tonks said with false cheeriness. "Now, why don't you two go and bugger off of my property, alright?"

"This is a warning, next time we have to come down here you won't be so lucky," the larger of the men said, pointing a threatening finger at Remus. They took off back on their brooms, but Remus saw they were apprehensive of leaving the area as they were still flying high above the house.

"What a load of rubbish," Tonks muttered, looking up at the two men circling overhead. "I'll be next, you realize this?"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, still feeling a little shaken from so violently being manhandled.

"I'll have my own two imbeciles following me around. It's just like Robards said, we're all being followed. You'll have it the worst, sweetheart, seeing as you already had two of them on your case from the start. I'm surprised they didn't bring in a whole squad of agents to take you down. Kidding!" She said, seeing the look on his face. But her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She was seriously worried about this and Remus knew she was making a valiant attempt at humor to lighten the situation. "Look, I know you're not going to like this, but I'm going to need to go back to the office."

"Dora-"

"Now, hear me out. We don't know what's really going on, so a new pair of eyes and ears could get some new information, and wouldn't it look better if I showed my face around the office? You know, make it seem like I've accepted the new regime change, and maybe, just maybe, they'll get off our backs about this whole marriage situation?"

"In what delusional fantasy world do you live in to think that was ever going to work out?" Remus said, shaking his head sadly over her idiocy. "They're not going to ease up. In fact, I'd be surprised if I last another day around here. They'll find some other excuse, or know you are just empty threats, and haul me off to the cells below the Ministry."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," she said fiercely.

"But that's the thing, Dora, you don't have a say. Not anymore. Not after your little outburst got you suspended. And who really is going to think that you would be okay with the regime change? You're a known member of the Order, you've married a werewolf, and you have no problem speaking your mind against authority. Who is going to believe that now you are singing a different tune?"

"It's worth a shot, Remus. Kingsley was able to continue at work."

"Yeah, well, Kingsley is a key player at the Ministry. He clearly was able to convince someone in the higher ups that he would begrudgingly continue on and follow his orders. But I doubt he's not going to last much longer either. He's a known Order member as well."

"And what do you want me to do, hmm? Just sit at home and wait for them to drag you away? Keep you locked up in one of those filthy prison cells, torture you like mum and dad?"

"I want you to keep your cool, and help protect your family." Remus said with a sigh. "I expect you to do whatever you can to help with some fledgling resistance movement as safely as you can. I expect you to come out of this war alive."

"And what, with you dead?" She said, looking at him as though he had grown three horns. "You never seem to mention yourself in any of these potential futures, Remus. Why is that?"

Remus was silent for a moment. _Why is that_? Because, realistically, he didn't see himself with her for much longer. If anything, these men coming here proved that the last place he should be is by her side. Bellatrix nearly killed her mother and father for marrying him, and he couldn't go anywhere without being completely humiliated because of his creature status. Well, he was tired of having to keep coming up with excuses to stay with her. He was ready to act.

"Let's talk about this later," he said finally. Picking up a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ and headed back into the house.

"Well, we'll talk about this after I get back from the Ministry." Tonks said, stubbornly walking away from him. But before he could shout one word of protest, she had Disapparated. He thought fleetingly of going after her, but there was no way he could get within ten feet of the Ministry without being flanked by guards from the Werewolf Capture Unit, their wands pointed at the ready to kill him for stepping one toe out of line. Well, if she wanted to play that game, let her go. She'll find he was right the minute she steps back into her old office, because no one will believe she has really accepted the new take over. Worried for her all the same, he raised his wand to send a Patronus message to Kingsley as a heads up. Tucking his wand in his back pocket, he looked down at the paper in his hands to find Harry's face starring back up at him with the bold headline PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.

"Merlin's pants…" he said aloud, turning the page to read all about the allegations of Harry Potter being responsible for the murder of Albus Dumbledore. Walking back inside the house, he sat down on the newly mended ottoman to read the rest of the paper. It explained about the new Minister for Magic, Pius Thicknesse, and his hope for a "brighter, purer future" and "magical cooperation". Remus scoffed, but his dark humor came crashing to halt when he turned the next page to find an article about a new law taking immediate effect. A law testing the purity of the public's blood. A law against Muggleborns. _It really has started_, he thought sadly, _this is the end_. He became lost in thought of all the witches and wizards this was going to affect. And who would be on top of their list? Hermione Granger. Best friend to Harry Potter, member of the Order of the Phoenix, and perhaps too smart for her own good, she would be the first person they would want to go after. Anger was pulsing through him like some deadly venom, almost scorching every blood vessel with rage. Now was the time, now was the time he was needed, because he needed to find the kids. Oh, if only he had Lavinia's abilities as a tracker, he would be able to find them with relative ease. They were three teenage kids, where could they possibly go? If Remus was being honest with himself, they could be anywhere. But where would Harry feel safe? He thought immediately of Hogwarts. But that no doubt would be seeing some changes now Voldemort was in charge of the Ministry. But perhaps Minerva would hear of their plight and take them in. It was worth a shot and in his current frame of mind he was eager to follow any lead he might have. Should he send ahead a message, or simply Apparate into Hogsmeade and venture up to the castle? Possibilities and the slight thrill of adventure were starting to move some of his anger into adrenaline.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda's voice was calling from the room upstairs. "See if there are any Hobnobs left in the cupboard, would you?"

Remus closed his eyes, trying to ignore his mother-in-law's demands. He needed to plan this more carefully. He needed Nymphadora home, with her parents, who still were having trouble standing, let alone able to properly defend themselves should Bellatrix come back to finish the job. He at the very least needed to know that she would be safe. Well, as safe as she could be in this situation. So sending another message along to Kingsley, and another to Minerva, Remus waited for a response while seeing to the dietary needs of his in laws.

Responses from both Kingsley and McGonagall were long in coming, and Remus did his best to pacify Andromeda and Ted's fears about having their daughter going back to the Ministry.

"She'll be fine, she knows what she's doing, and she has the support of Gawain Robards and Kingsley Shacklebolt. They won't let any harm come to her." He said, trying to alleviate his own fears as well. He was starting to doubt if he should have gone after her or not. But he decided that his presence would only make things worse for her, and rationalized that she was better off by him staying where he was.

Finally, the silvery form of Kingsley's Patronus appeared before him, just before midnight.

"Tonks safe and will be coming home shortly. More information later."

McGonagall's message was a little more satisfying. "Potter and friends not at school, but will keep you informed. Visit soon, you might be needed."

Remus liked hearing he was to be needed, especially when it meant helping Harry. Finally, around one in the morning, Remus heard the front door open and slam shut.

"Where have you been?" Remus asked, very much awake even for this late hour.

"Where the hell do you think I've been?" she said angrily back. "At the bleeding Ministry!"

"Right," he said, not sure where to go from here and an awkward silence started to build between them.

She looked at him with wearied eyes and shook her head. "I'm going to bed, it's been a long day and the last thing I want to be doing is arguing with you."

"Are you going to tell me what happened at least?"

"Do you even care?" she said, walking past him and up the stairs.

"Of course I do! I've been worried sick about you since you left." Remus said, but it wasn't entirely true. He had been thinking more about his plan for finding the kids than he had been worrying about his wife.

"Worried enough to come after me?" she said bitterly.

"Oh, is that what this is about? Me coming after you?" Remus said, following her up the stairs, completely ready for this fight. "Dora you know I would have been arrested the moment I even thought about trying to get into the Ministry."

"And I'm sure you would have, but it would have been nice to know that my husband had been a little more concerned for my safety."

"I think I know you enough by now to not try and stop you when you have your mind set on something. I've seen the trouble it's gotten me into with you."

"Merlin's beard, Remus!" She said, slamming the door shut to their own bedroom door. "I mean, are you even listening to yourself?"

"Your parents are asleep next door, you might want to-"

"Fuck off," Tonks said, undoing the laces on her boots. "I've had one of the most disheartening days in my entire life. The Ministry has gone to hell in a hand basket, yet, no one seems to honestly realize what the hell is going on. I've had to lie my ass off to get into the good graces of the Department so that I was allowed back inside and now I have the extra worry of my father being taken in for questioning about his blood status. The last thing I need from you tonight is your moaning."

Remus immediately was silent. He had never had her speak to him this way, in such a dejected and hateful manner that he was momentarily stunned. He also hadn't thought about this, hadn't thought about Ted Tonks being a Muggleborn and therefore subject to the new Ministry decree.

"I'm sorry," he said weakly. "I'm just… at a loss as to what is going on."

Tonks took a deep breath. "Everyone is," she said calmly and Remus could see she wasn't quite so angry. "Here's just one point I've learned today to pretty much sum up what's been going on. He's tabooed his name in order to track down people who are against him, yet, this information is not being released to the public at large. I mean, not many people said his name to begin with, but still. And I know you're one of those nutters who go around saying it."

"What, Vol-"

"For fuck's sake! Didn't you hear me? You want Death Eaters at our door? Just don't say his name anymore. You and Dumbledore are the only two people I knew who would say his name."

"And Harry," Remus added.

"Well, let's hope he has the good sense not to say it now. They'll find him so fast we won't even have time to react. But I tell you what. You-Know-Who has done a damn good job into making the public think that nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Most of them seem to think Scrimgeour merely resigned, that he couldn't handle the pressures of being Minister, and who can really question that theory? The man was barely ever seen around the office, and when he was he seemed like some lost child with no real purpose or direction. No one seems to question the new staff replacements, and it all just seems to be business as usual. Except now, we're not chasing down Death Eaters. Oh, no, we're having to go after suspicious _Muggleborns_. And they're either stupider than I could have imagine, or their too scared to question the change in tactic." She took another deep sigh. "We just need to keep a focus on what is really important right now. Family, and making sure You-Know-Who doesn't find Harry."

"I had a thought about that. You don't think the kids went to Hogwarts do you?" Remus said, eager to share his revelation. "Because I was thinking, where is the one place Harry would feel safe? It would have to be Hogwarts, and I know Minerva is still up at the school, trying to keep it together."

"I don't think anyone is going to want to go back to Hogwarts now, Remus."

"Why is that?" he said, feeling a little deflated now that she had put a puncture in his theory.

"Because there is rumor going around they'll be putting Snape in charge this coming term."

"_What_?"

"It's only rumor, mind you, but there is no way they're letting Minerva McGonagall take over as Headmistress. They're going to want someone they can trust. And who better to trust than Dumbledore's killer? Well, I guess they're pinning that now on Harry..."

"The school is finished." Remus said, and he started to piece together what McGonagall might have meant in her message of "visit soon, you might be needed."  
>They were both silent for a long time, each lost in thoughts of every good thing in their world was now falling apart before their eyes.<p>

"How are they?" Tonks finally said, nodding her head towards the opposite wall where her parents were hopefully sleeping.

"Fine. They slept for awhile, and your father tried standing up but quickly collapsed. It might be a rough road ahead for them. Which is why I would like to see you back home, not at the Ministry."

"Oh, don't start this with me again." Tonks said threateningly. "Really, Remus, when have you ever thought that I would just sit at home while the world was going to hell?"

"But these are your parents, Dora. I can't even touch your mother to help her without her flinching or recoiling from the sight of me."

"That's not true," she said, but Remus could see that she really didn't mean it. "Listen, deep down, mum loves you because you love me. There's no way that she is still holding onto this stupid prejudice. I thought we all made peace with this a while ago."

"Yeah, well, it might be taking her a bit longer now that she's had my condition flaunted as the reason for her and her husband nearly being killed the other night."

"Well, I love you. And that's what's really important, right?" she said, trying to find some kind of peace between them, but Remus had just got started.

"Yes, that's all fine and true, but love is not going to save you, Nymphadora."

"Save me from what exactly?" she said looking at him fiercely. "Save me from Greyback? From You-Know-Who? From myself? Love is what keeps me going, Remus. It's what makes me wake up every morning and go to work with the ignorant and the insane. It makes me marvel in the simple desire of coming home to you, and never wanting to be parted from you. It makes me fight harder and more clearly."

"But it cannot save you from death. You said it yourself, love won't stop Greyback or You-Know-Who from killing you."

"No, but it will make the desire to live that much stronger." She said ferociously. "We can't predict what is going to happen with anything in this world. We're at bloody war! People die everyday-"

"And I don't want you to be one of them!" he shouted, pacing the floor. "I'm not waking up to find the spot next to me in bed cold and empty, Dora. I'm not going back to the life I had, which was meaningless and cruel. Merlin, don't you see how much I love you and want to protect you?"

"Of course I do! But you can't protect me from every little thing! I could get dragon pox tomorrow and die because I was never vaccinated as a child."

"You weren't vaccinated for-"

"Not the point, Remus. The point is bad things happen to good people all the time, every single day. We can't always stop them from happening."

"Putting your life in unnecessary danger is something I can stop from happening," he said.

"You _really_ think I could sit in this house all day long and still be happy?" she asked, looking at him with something bordering on contempt.

"Of course not, but you can take extra precautions."

"And in the entire time you've known me, have you seen me be extra cautious about anything? I'm impulsive, Remus. Yes, I do things at times without thinking about the consequences. But I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

"Well, you sure are acting like it."

"That's not fair," he started.

"No, you know what's not fair, Remus? Having my husband not support me through what is suppose to be one of the happiest moments in our life. To not have my partner here for me when I need him the most."

"I am right here," he said, indicating he was standing right there.

"I don't just mean physically, Remus." She said, rolling her eyes. "Sure, you're _here_, we're living together, we're sort of married even, but you're not _here_. Your mind is always elsewhere, and I see the constant worry and dread on your face as though any moment now You-Know-Who will come storming through the door killing us both!"

"Nymphadora," he started as calmly as he could. "You were too young the last time Vold-, eh, _You-Know-Who_, was in power. You don't understand what life was like under that much fear."

"Is that what this is about? That I am so young and naïve that I don't know when to be scared?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that," Remus said, knowing full well that in part it had a lot to do with that.

"Then what!" she screamed.

"Because I've been through this!" he yelled back at her. "I had to watch as my best friends were destroyed in a single evening, watch as my entire world, my whole support system crumbled away in just one night. And the worst of it was that none of them trusted me with the real plan because of what I am!" Remus said, pulling on his hair. "They thought, 'surely, if someone would betray them it would be the Dark Creature'! Nymphadora, this… ugh!" He let out a cry of frustration. "Merlin, I don't know what even to say to you!"

"Try, Remus, try!" She said, grabbing the front of his shirt clutching at it frantically. "I'm not some fragile porcelain doll you need to guard from the evils in the world. I'm your wife!"

"My wife!" Remus wanted to laugh. "A wife that isn't even legally recognized by the Ministry? A woman, whose own mother, cannot speak civilly to her daughter because of what she married? And I mean, so what… being my wife suddenly gives you unlimited access to the deepest recesses of my mind? That I have to tell you every thought that comes into my head?"

"Yes! Yes, that's what couples do, Remus, we talk to one another, we try to communicate the feelings that are building up inside of us before they explode!"

"Fine, you want to know what I'm thinking?" he said, shouting back at her.

"Yes, I do!" she said, fire in her eyes.

"That we _never_ should have gotten married!" He shouted and suddenly, without thinking, every worry he had in the past two months came rushing out of his mouth. "That I cannot handle going on missions constantly worried about you and your reckless attitude, worried you're going to be captured or tortured or killed! I cannot sleep over the constant grief and guilt I feel about you being suspended from your job at the Ministry! But most of all I _cannot_ think about the child your carrying! That a monster, a parasite, is leeching itself to you, making you unclean! But mostly I am thinking- No! _Hoping_! - That by some miracle the child isn't mine."

She dropped her hands, backing away from him, a mixture of horror and disgust on her face as though she finally saw what he really was. His words hung in the air like a thick fog, clouding everything in its hurtful haze.

"You don't mean that," she said quietly but her words rang through Remus' ears as though she had shouted them. Her eyes were wide but her face was unreadable. "You don't mean any of that, Remus."

"You wanted the truth," he said spat.

"No, I don't accept that. I can't." She said shaking her head, and slowly the emotion was creeping back into her voice. "We love each other, Remus, and you are just _scared_! That's your fear talking-"

"Of course I'm fucking scared! I'm scared out of my bloody skull about that _thing_ growing inside of you!"

There was absolute silence.

She looked as though he had slapped her across the face, stunned by the power of his choice of words. She wanted truth didn't she? He couldn't help it if the truth hurt. "Remus, I really don't know what to say to you right now." She was shaking her head, tears from anger swelling in her eyes, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. "Is that the way you really feel?"

The tension between them was heavy and oppressive that trying to speak was difficult. Remus in his gut knew he was in the wrong but would never admit it, would never back down from this argument.

"That's the truth," he said defiantly, almost daring her to question his feelings.

She took a deep shuddering breath. "Get out," she said quietly, but it carried force.

"Dora," he said impatiently, running a hand through his hair. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so bold.

"I asked you to leave!" she said fiercely pointing a finger at the door.

"Where the hell am I suppose to go?" he asked rebelliously, resolutely staying in his spot.

"I don't give a fuck where you go, Remus! Go back to the cottage, or go live with your bloody pack! I couldn't care less, you just need to get the hell out of this house, because honestly, right now I don't even know why we're still together, or why we got married in the first place!" she looked at him, and Remus could see the regret, the realization, and the responsibility of what she had done by tying herself to him. "But what I do know, is if you don't leave right now, I swear to Merlin that I will curse you for what you said to me and about this baby!" Her voice was full of such rage Remus was stunned for a moment, unable to move. But he also knew this was not an empty threat and so quickly walked outside the bedroom door, Tonks following close behind.

"Nymphadora, you're being absurd, this is-"

"No, fuck you, Remus! You don't get to speak right now! I didn't get pregnant on my own, you know, this is just as much your responsibility as it is mine! To even suggest that this child is some… _thing_, or that it could have another father… You know, Remus," she said laughing maliciously, sounding crazed, and for a moment, Remus felt genuinely concerned for her, "up until this point I ignored everyone's protests that you were a dangerous creature, that I should never get involve with you, that you were a monster. But I defended you, defended the love I had for you, and the good man you were. But after what you said to me tonight… you proved all of them right."

She slammed the door the door in his face, and Remus could the lock clicking into place. Remus wanted to scream, wanted to punch something, wanted to tear the hair from his scalp. He could not keep doing this; he couldn't keep up the constant worry about her, fearing always for her life. Maybe she was right; maybe they shouldn't be together. Maybe their whole relationship was a mistake.

_You were supposed to be alone_, the devilish voice inside his head began again_. You were never meant to be happy. You deluded yourself into thinking this would ever work. How could a monster share a life with any woman? Monsters don't marry, and they certainly don't have children._

He tried to stop his thoughts, tried to think of the love he felt for her, but the inescapable guilt and anger he felt was all too consuming. _She would be better off without me_, he thought sadly. _I never should have dragged her down like this_. And now she was going to have his child, a child he knew in his heart would be abnormal. It would be mutated and deadly, and he could not face the pain and regret she would have when it would die. He'd since the grief, seen first hand in the caves children born with the curse, and the cruelty of watching them suffer and die on their first full moon.

Deciding he needed a walk to clear his head, he stomped down the stairs and slammed the front door behind him, not bothering to be polite for Ted or Andromeda, who no doubt heard every word of their argument. But the echoing sound of a slamming door flooded his mind reminding him of the time his father had slammed the door leaving his mother crying.

He thought he might get sick, the guilt and remorse were causing the bile in his stomach to churn uncomfortably. He thought about his mother, her face pale and her eyes red, sobbing after watching her husband walk out after a row. He was no better than John Lupin. History always had a way of repeating itself.

Everything that had happened in the past two months collapsed on top of Remus, the weight of which made him physically fall onto his knees. His body racked with pain, he rocked back and forth, crying for Mad-Eye, for Dumbledore, for James and Lily, for Sirius, but especially for Dora. How could she still look at him, after everything he's put her through?

He needed to leave, to not cause her any further harm. Leaving no longer felt like an act of cowardice, but of rationality. He could not hurt her if he was no longer around, could not cause her anymore grief emotionally if he wasn't there poisoning her with his weak and divided mind.

Getting to his feet, he thought about where he would go or who to talk to. If only Sirius was still alive, he would know what to do, or what to say. Though of course, if Sirius were alive he'd probably have beaten him up for getting his cousin pregnant. He thought about talking to Bill, but he and his new wife would not want any unexpected houseguests so soon after their nuptials. Perhaps Kingsley? But he was being put through his paces at work and for the Order, he didn't need to hear the complaints of an old werewolf, not when he was stressed out enough as it is. No, there was really no one he could talk to.

Still unsure of where to go, he had no other choice but return home, their home, and try to figure out his next move alone. He walked the length of the yard, where Death Eaters were circling overhead, and from exhaustion or shear luck were oblivious to the shell of a man walking beneath them, allowing him to Apparated back to the cottage. He was thankful his shadow of two WCU agents weren't circling overhead. He didn't know what he would say or do if they try to prevent him from going into his own home.

But going inside, turning on the lights, he knew instantly this was not where he wanted to be. She was everywhere; her belongings, her clothes, her smell, they were everywhere in the cottage. Smiling pictures of the two of them on their wedding day mocked the shattered relationship they now had. He couldn't watch the photographs, could not bear to see himself smiling, happy, and she, equally so. He felt sick, disgusted, not only at himself but at her. It was her fault really that they were put into this situation. Her fault for being so foolish, so careless as to not take her potion the way she was suppose to.

_That's cruel_, he thought, a more levelheaded rational voice, but was drowned out by the ranting of his self-loathing. _It was your fault, if you weren't deadly and mutated animal yourself you'd never have passed along such mutated genes_. Remus wanted to scream, wanted to make the constant battle in his head go away. It was maddening, trying to come to terms with the faults and defects in oneself. He started to pace around the room, his heart rate increasing, his breathing becoming more staggered, working himself into a frenzy.

Why couldn't he scream? Why could he physically wage the war he was feeling inside himself? There was no one here; he was alone. _Always alone, _he thought. So he did just that; yelled at the top of his lungs, screamed, as he had never screamed before, to the empty rooms, his voice echoing throughout as though it had become magically modified. It felt good to scream, felt good to release the pain and sorrow he was feeling, to vocalize his struggle. But he didn't stop there; his body surging with hate, with resentment, with fear, with loathing, he felt compelled to destroy, to show the world how broken he had become. He started with the pictures, wandlessly removing them from the walls, the sounds of glass shattering on the floor. But magically making the photographs come off the walls weren't enough. He wanted to physically destroy something, destroy more than his marriage, and destroy the last shred of humanity he had left. She had called him an animal. Well, here he was, being an animal. He wanted to hit something, hit someone. He thought fleetingly of going down to the local and getting hammered, drinking himself into oblivion so that he could lower his inhabitations to engage in such a cowardly display of male dominance. But he was rational enough to know better.

He instead turned his sights to the wall. Reeling his fist back he broke through the ancient dry wall, pulling away its crumbling remains, along with his own delicate flesh. Blood sprouted from fresh bruises along his knuckles, his hand hurting painfully and there was a small part of him who knew he was behaving childishly. But his adrenaline was pumping too hard, too fast to have him register anything but his hatred. He barely felt any pain, he felt invincible. So he decided to hit the wall again, and again, and again. He was in such a daze he had not noticed the tears on his cheeks, nor could barely register the blood coming from his hand.

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><p>an: so what to do now lupin has left his wife and unborn child? how about a reckless adventure? that sounds about right!

thanks so much for all the reviews! you have been the most wonderful followers for tolerating these long pauses in between chapters (time goes by way too quickly). and my heartfelt thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read through these long chapters! i swear, there is adventures to come for this poor lost soul, and having to find his way back to tonks won't be so easy.

if you like what you read, and want to read more, please click the review button below. all comments are appreciated! thanks!


	21. Cowardice and Cognac

a/n: I do not own these characters, they are the property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers no copyright infridgment is intended. this chapter is heavily inspired by Chapter Eleven "The Bribe" in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. No plagerism is intended. as a special harry potter birthday treat here is a new chapter and as always i hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-One: Cowardice and Cognac<strong>

Waking at noon to the sensation of throbbing in his hand, Remus did not want to open his eyes. Perhaps he could drift back off to sleep, back into forgetting what a fool he had been the night before. But he knew he should get up, should start his day, should try and salvage any kind of relationship with Nymphadora. He looked down to his hand, swollen, bloody and bruised. He tested it out, flexing his fingers, but it was stiff from the inflammation. What did he expect, and after examining the damage downstairs to the wall, to the furniture, to the pictures, he was surprise the damage to his hand was not more severe. Careful not to step on the shards of glass everywhere, Remus thought about what it was he should be doing.

_Useless fool, there is nothing for you to do here, nothing you can do for the Order, nothing you can do for her_, the cruel voice in his head taunted him. _Useless_. That's what he was, useless, carrying on this meaningless existence. He did not want to think about all that he had to do, or all that he _should_ do. Did not want to think about their fight.

He reexamined the idea of doing down to the local and getting drunk, but he could not bare the stares of the other patrons who would watch such a broken useless thing getting drunk on a Monday afternoon. There was also the matter of the Death Eaters and WCU agents tailing him.

"_His target would more likely be Tonks because of her Ministry connections",_ he remembered Kingsley telling him. Of course they would go after her, she was the important one. She was the one who had meaning and purpose, not him. Not this pathetic and useless person he had become. Remus went over to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. Unable to use his right hand, he held tight the glass with his left, and yet, he found the water inside to be trembling. Setting it down on the counter, he braced himself against it, taking in a deep breath. There was no reason for this effeminate trembling. She had wanted truth, didn't she? He couldn't help it if the truth hurt.

Looking outside the kitchen window, he could see two men on brooms hovering just overhead. They knew he was here, and Remus wondered how long they had been here and if they knew what he had done to his home last night.

_Let them think what they want, I'm a monster anyhow_, he thought bitterly, finally picking up the glass and downing the water in one large gulp. _An animal, with no home, and no one to turn to…_ He had a fleeting moment of thinking that perhaps he could go back to the pack, that Greyback might just find a quick means of ending his misery…

He was pathetic. This fleeting thought of purposefully exposing himself to the pack and hoping Greyback would just kill him made Remus realize how much he needed to leave this place, not just his home but his entire situation, leave England maybe. But then he thought about Harry, thought about the poor, innocent baby he had simply abandoned when James and Lily had died, thought about how he never once tried to make an effort in seeing how he was doing. _Lily's son_, Remus thought sadly, _you just left him alone to grow up with those miserable Muggles._

He couldn't help the boy then, but he was damn sure he would try to help him now. Finally, with a fire burning inside of him, fueling him with something to do, Remus set out with making of a plan. Where would they have gone? If not Hogwarts, where would Harry have felt safe?

And then it hit him.

Grimmauld Place.

Sirius' home, the home he might have shared with Sirius had he not passed away through the veil.

Remus started gathering everything he thought he might need, at least for a short period time. Harry and the others no doubt would have supplies, or they could all gather supplies before they went out on this unknown quest. Throwing on a jumper and some trousers, Remus looked inside the fridge for food and drink he might be able to take along with him. He needed to travel light, he didn't know where they were going or what they were up against, but he knew that he needed to be ready to move. So taking what little items were in their sparse fridge, mainly bottles of butterbeer, he put them into the deep, cavernous enchanted pockets of his thick black traveling cloak, the one he so dearly paid for from his salary at Hogwarts. He packed a few articles of spare clothing, and seeing the old _Daily Prophet_, packed it as well to show the kids, who know doubt would have no idea what was going on in the world. Thinking himself ready for whatever the four of them would be doing, Remus looked back on the house, still completely in tatters from his late night attack. Thinking he might never see this place again, he stepped outside into the sunlight, waiting for the men on brooms to spot him. He needed to outrun them, needed to get them off of his trail.

_Right_, he thought with a grin, _this might actually be fun_.

"_Magic always leaves traces_," Lavinia had told him, so his goal was to Apparate as quick as he possible could to varying locations, perform simple spells to mark where he had been, before eventually winding up on the doorstep of Number Twelve. Gripping his wand tightly, he yelled out in the direction of men high up above, "Hey! Waiting for me?"

Instantly, the men dived towards Remus but he was quicker, Disapparating before they could even pull out their wands.

Suddenly, he appeared in the clearing between the town and the forest where they had searched for Mad-Eye's body.

"_Lumos_," he said, making a light appeared out of the end of his wand, before…

He landed near the edge of Dartmoor Woods.

"_Accio_," he said pointing to a stick, but he never caught it because…

He landed near the seaside town he and Tonks had spent their honeymoon.

"_Engorgio_," he said pointing his wand a nearby bee humming past him. Remus had one look of an enormous, hairy bee before…

His feet had landed at the edge of a small, derelict town Remus had once tried to live and find employment in. One right after the other, Remus went on a dizzy course of towns, lakes, wooded areas, places he could only ever remember seeing as a child, places he had only seen on postcards, any place he could recall he seemed to find himself in, doubling back to some, but always leaving each place having uttered a small incantation or charm, something to leave his mark for them to try and find. Such harmless, meaningless spells would hardly catch the eye of someone from the Ministry monitoring magic in Muggle areas, yet, they left a spider web that had a beginning yet seemingly had no end. Not once did he see the dark hooded figures near any of these places. Not once did he even stop to question if this was the right course of action. Remus simply was going with his gut, and his gut was telling him to find Harry, as safely as he could. It was nearly nightfall before Remus' stomach had had enough of the constant whirling and the sensation of being pushed and pulled, twisted and contorted. It was a sign of his magical prowess that Remus had not once splinched himself in this maddening process. Thinking this would be enough for them to be getting on with, buying him at least a day or two heads start, he concentrated once more on where he wanted to go.

The street was dark and quiet, but there was no mistaking three hooded figures pacing up and down between Numbers 11 and 13. Remus had one horrible moment thinking his spider web of spells had not worked. But seeing the men pacing outside of Number Twelve, he did not recognize either one of them from this morning. Of course, Death Eaters would keep a look out for Harry here, the previous Headquarters for the Order. Clearing his mind, focusing on simply Apparating from here to the front step of Number 12, Remus felt his body move and land suddenly on the hard stone step of the Black Family Manor. The Death Eaters had not seemed to notice his landing; nevertheless, he made his way inside quickly and quietly as possible.

No sooner had he closed the door to Number 12 did the dust on the floor start to gather and swirl, forming the horrible ghost of Albus Dumbledore, its hand raised menacingly as Moody's deep voice called out, "Severus Snape?" It was dreadful, even in dust the image of Dumbledore and the voice of Mad-Eye seemed to echo the fact that both of them were gone.

"I was not the one who killed you, Albus." He said quietly. Instantly the ghostly jinx vanished leaving a dense grey cloud in its wake.

"Don't move!" said a determined voice through the cloud. Remus recognized it as Harry.

"It's alright, it's just me!" he said, his arms raised in surrender, as slowly the dust settled and he could see all three of them pointing their wands at him. Hermione and Ron he noticed had begun to lower their wands and he moved further into the hallway, but Harry remained stubbornly resolute in stance, pointing his wand right where Remus' heart would be.

"Prove it!" Harry said.

_The boy is finally starting to learn_, he thought with a small hint of fatherly pride.

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, one of the four creators of the Marauder's Map, and I taught you how to produce a Patronus, which takes the form of a stag."

He saw Harry hesitate for a moment, but lowered his wand saying, "Alright, but I had to check."

"Speaking as your ex-teacher, I quite agree as I could have been anyone. Ron, Hermione, you should be more careful and not be quite so quick to lower your defenses." All three of them rushed toward him, looking grateful for his company, relieved he wasn't someone more sinister. He too was glad they were happy to see him. Finally, he might be able to have some company who would not judge him, or at the very least allow him to have a moment to breathe and think through his next steps. "No sign of Severus then?" Remus asked, loosening his traveling cloak, indicating for them all to follow him downstairs to the kitchen.

"No, but what's going on? Is everyone alright?" Harry asked, the worry on the young man's face evident even in the dim gaslight of the ancient home.

"Everyone is fine," Remus said soothingly, "but we're all being watched. I would have been here sooner, but I had to shake off the Death Eaters that have been following me. So you came straight here after the wedding?" They took their seats at the kitchen table, Remus reaching into his traveling cloak in the Undetectable Extension Charm lined pockets and pulled out four butterbeers, handing one to each of them.

"No, we came here only after we ran into a couple of Death Eaters in a café," Harry said, opening his butterbeer.

"_What_?" Remus said, spilling some of his own butterbeer down his front. Mopping up the sticky drink he listened to Harry explain how they had been ambushed at Tottenham Court Road, how the Death Eaters seemed to know he was there. This was disturbing, that Harry could be so easily found, so easily accessible, Remus knew he was doing the right thing coming here tonight. He wanted to question them further, to try and piece together some explanation as to how they could have been so easily found but Harry pressed him for more answers.

"So what happened after we left? We haven't heard a thing since Ron's dad told us the family was safe."

"Kingsley saved us; thanks to his warning most of the wedding guests were able to Disapparate before they arrived."

"Were they Death Eaters or people from the Ministry?" Hermione asked.

"A mix of both, but now that the Dark Lord has taken over they have become one and the same. There were about a dozen, perhaps more, but they didn't know you were there, Harry. There's a rumor that they tried to torture your whereabouts out of Scrimgeour before they killed him. If that's true, he didn't give you up. They searched the Burrow pretty thoroughly, made a mess of the entire wedding I'm afraid. They interrogated those of us who remained for hours as they were trying to get information on you, Harry, but of course, nobody apart from the Order knew that you had been there. Your disguise had worked perfectly."

"What about the others?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Well, they forced their way into every Order-connected house in the country. No deaths, but they were rough. They used the Cruciatus Curse on Tonks' family. They're all right, shaken obviously, but otherwise okay."

"And are they bothering to give an excuse for torturing Harry's whereabouts out of people?"

Hermione asked, a note of bitterness in her voice.

Remus looked at the three of them, each wearing an expression of fear and disgust and he wondered if he should tell them or not. Deciding it better they see it now, rather than waiting later, Remus reached into his traveling cloak and pulled out the copy of the _Daily Prophet_, adding, "I'm sorry Harry." Harry took a moment to read the headline declaring that he was now a suspect in the murder of Albus Dumbledore. Remus knew how much the boy looked up to Dumbledore, knew how much their relationship had been an important part of the young man's life. And now to have to smeared across the front page of the paper, to have every wizarding family doubt Harry's love for the man he knew could not be easy on the boy.

"But surely, people realize what's going on. They can't believe, this- this, _rubbish_?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"The Dark Lord's transition to power has been smooth and virtually silent. The public has been made to believe that Scrimgeour resigned from his post as Minister. They have no knowledge of his murder. Pius Thicknesse has replaced the post, but we have come to believe he's under the Imperious Curse." _Just like Caliban had told him, just as Mad-Eye had suspected… Why hadn't they been more careful, done more to prevent this from happening?_

"Why doesn't You-Know-Who declare himself Minster for Magic?" Ron asked.

Remus gave him a cynical sounding laugh. How naïve they all were, Remus briefly felt sorry for the lot of them. "He doesn't have to, Ron. He has Thicknesse, who has essentially become his puppet, to take care of the dull day-to-day business while he is free to extend his power beyond the Ministry. Naturally, people have begun to suss out what happened, especially with such a dramatic shift in policy. But it is merely rumor and whispers. People are too scared to confide in their neighbors and friends, for fear they put their trust into the wrong people and put their families in danger. The Dark Lord has played a terribly clever game; by remaining in the shadows he has created uncertainty and fear. By suggesting you had a hand in Dumbledore's death, Harry, You-Know-Who not only has set a price on your head, but sown doubt and fear amongst many who would have defended you." Remus looked sadly to Hermione before adding, "The Ministry has been moving against Muggleborns." He turned the _Daily Prophet_ to page two for her to read. He watched as she read through the new Muggleborn Register and thought sadly of what would happen to this brilliant young woman should the Ministry find her. He thought sadly of all the Muggleborn children who would never know Hogwarts, or the wonders of magic, or the wizarding world. He thought sadly of Ted Tonks, who no doubt would be under investigation, especially now that he had ties to the Order and his daughter was an Auror and Order member. _And his son-in-law is a werewolf, that would be reason enough to lock him away in Azkaban_, Remus thought resentfully. He wished at that moment he had given Ted a more proper goodbye, instead of just storming out of their house. Ted was always one who could put a positive spin to any situation, and he had accepted Remus when Andromeda had not. He could have taken the easy way and simply hated Remus for what he was, as so many others did, as his wife had done. But instead he took the time to make Remus feel welcome, to support his daughter, to even get him drunk, although this was unintentionally done. Remus wondered despondently if he would ever see Ted Tonks again.

Remus looked to the three of them, to Harry in particular, feeling a little reckless in the face of so much grief. "I'll understand if you can't confirm this, but McGonagall is under the impression that Dumbledore left you a mission."

"He did," Harry replied slowly. "But I can't tell you what it is, Remus. If Dumbledore didn't tell you I don't think I can." And Remus could see that the boy genuinely felt sorry about keeping such a secret, but he was disappointed nonetheless.

"I thought you'd say that, but I have a proposition for the three of you. You know what I am… and what I can do. I could come with you to provide protection, and there would be no need to tell me exactly what you were up to."

Remus watched as Harry thought it over, and Remus tried not to appear too eager. He knew what he was leaving behind, knew that there were dozens of alternatives to this that would have been more suitable, but Remus was lost to all reason. He was running on pure adrenaline, and he did not want to come down from that high.

It was Hermione, however, who brought them all back to reality. "What about Tonks?"

"What about her?" Remus asked slowly, hoping not to go any further into this conversation than need be.

"Well, you just got married! How does she feel about you going away with us?"

_Thrilled, glad to see the back of me_, he thought with a crazed sort of resentment. But he didn't say this, didn't want three seventeen year olds to judge the relationship of their old professor and his wife. Well, sort of wife. He did enough judgment on his own. "She'll be perfectly safe," he said coolly, "she'll be at her parent's house, so it will be fine."

"Remus," Hermione said slowly, and Remus knew she had figured it out. She had always been so clever, _much_ _too_ clever. "Is everything alright between you and-"

"Everything is fine," Remus said cutting into her words before she could ask anymore. He knew he sounded cruel, knew she was asking in good faith and concern for them both. He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. He'd have to tell them, but the words seemed heavy, like they were poisoned and deadly, and knew this would be the end to talks of him coming along. "Tonks is pregnant."

The three teenagers looked taken aback for a moment before each in turn offered their congratulations but Remus didn't want to hear it. "So what about my offer?" He pressed on, ignoring all the sentiments. "Will three become four? Dumbledore would have approved, I'm sure of it. He was, after all, the one who hired me to be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and we may be up against Dark Magic we never knew existed. I could be of enormous help."

Ron and Hermione turned to look at Harry who still continued to stare at Remus with an odd expression. Remus could not look at the young man with Lily's green eyes any longer and so contented himself to picking at the label on his bottle of butterbeer.

"Just to be clear," Harry said sounding harsh himself, "you want to leave Tonks at her parents' house and come away with us?"

"She'll be… perfectly safe," Remus said trying to dismiss the issue, trying to force the conversation back around to the mission, the real purpose for his visit tonight. "Harry, I'm sure James would have wanted me to stick with you."

"No, I'm pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren't sticking with your own kid, actually."

Remus could feel the color draining away from his face. His heart began to race, the pit of his stomach leaving him, as though the floor had been removed from his feet. It was like being caught as a child doing something naughty, and Remus seemed lost for words. But the anger that had been his constant companion of late seemed to rise like a phoenix from the flames of disgrace and shame, and the only thing he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears, the only thing he could see was Lily's eyes, those piercing green eyes, making him feel even more guilty, more angry.

"You wouldn't understand," he muttered finally, regaining the use of his voice.

"Explain it to me then," Harry said, looking so much like his father, so much like James that Remus was finding it ten times harder to try and explain himself. He could feel his temper rising, could feel the blood surging through his veins like it would set him ablaze. He couldn't keep doing this, couldn't keep up the appearance that everything was fine, that everything would be okay. He tried as best as he could to control himself when he began to speak to them, to try and control the rising storm that threatened to whip and blow and rage all around the kitchen. But much like his argument with Tonks, everything just seemed to spill out without his thinking of how brutal and pitiless he really sounded.

"I made a terrible mistake marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and I have regretted it very much ever since."

"I see," Harry said sounding just as angry as Remus felt, "so you're just going to dump her and the kid and run off with us, is that it?"

That was the tipping point. Remus sprang from his chair as though it had been electrified, kicking it over, unable to control his rage, the beast within finally freed from its cage. How could Harry understand? He was a _boy_, a naïve boy who thought he could simply _disarm_ a Death Eater.

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? I _never_ should have married her; I've made her an outcast! You've only ever seen me amongst the Order, or under Dumbledore's protection at Hogwarts! You don't know how most of the world sees creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely talk to me! Don't you see what I've done? Even her own family is disgusted by our marriage, what parents want to see their only daughter married to a werewolf? And the child… the child…"

He wanted to scream, want to cry, want to tear the hair from his scalp. This was maddening! Constantly trying to explain such obvious points of reason to those who could not see, who were too blinded by the perfect façade of gentlemanly calm he had created. He was a werewolf, a cruel and vindictive werewolf, no better than Greyback. Perhaps his attempts at assimilation, attempts at humanity had worked, that he had fooled everyone, that he had even fooled himself for a time. But he knew fact from fiction. First he had to explain it to Nymphadora, who could only see this as a blessing, could still be optimistic even after she was suspended from her job, her friends deserting her, receiving threatening letters. And now Harry, James and Lily's son, could not see what horrors he had released upon the world.

"My kind shouldn't breed! It will be like me, I am convinced of it! How can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risked passing on my own condition to an innocent child? And if, by some miracle, it is not like me, then it will be better off, a hundred times so, without a father of whom it will always be ashamed of!"

"Remus!" he heard Hermione say, making him look over to the young woman whom he saw she had tears in her eyes, tears Remus felt might succumb to tears himself should he continue. "Don't say that! How could any child be ashamed of you?"

"Oh I don't know, Hermione," Harry said, standing up and squaring off with Remus. "I'd be pretty ashamed of him." Remus staggered backwards a few feet, as though the young man had just slapped him across the face, and Remus knew he did not want Harry to continue. He had never heard him speak to him like that, so forceful and raw and honest. But he didn't stop there. "If the new regime thinks Muggleborns are bad, what will they do to a half-werewolf whose father's in the Order? My father died trying to protect my mum and me, and you reckon he'd tell you to abandon your kid to go on an adventure with us?"

The shock Remus had at hearing Harry speak to him in such an adult manner quickly melted away as the painful truth of what he was saying was driving Remus' anger further, fueling his rage and torment. For a moment he wanted to hurt Harry, to hurt his best friends' son, to hurt the boy he swore to protect, to make him see what a werewolf could really do.

"How- how _dare_ you?" Remus began, his whole body shaking with rage, his fingers itching for his wand, "this is not about a desire for- for danger or personal glory- how dare you-"

"I think you're feeling a bit of a daredevil," Harry said mockingly, "that you'd fancy stepping into Sirius' shoes-"

It was like Harry had hit him again, and Remus could almost feel the sting of his words, the ringing in his ears. _Like Sirius?_ How _dare_ he? How dare he bring up Sirius! Who gave him the right to talk to _him_ like this? He had troubles in his life? Try thirty-seven years of torture and torment! Harry had no idea what his life was like, no idea the struggles and torment he had gone through. He had been a fool in coming here, into thinking that he could possibly go away with them. They were children, what did they know about real pain, about real struggle? In that moment he would have liked nothing better than to hit him, to hurt him, to make him see what a young, foolish boy he still was.

"I'd never have believed this," he heard Harry continue to say, "the man who taught me to fight Dementors… a coward."

Remus had his wand in his hand before he could even think of the ramifications, before he could think of what spell he had used, before any reason crossed his brain, and blasted Harry Potter back against the wall, whipping around before he could see the damage that was done. He was only vaguely aware of what was going on, the commotion he had caused, as he flew up the stairs and back into the hall before slamming the front door of Number 12. Standing on the entryway, breathing as though he had run a mile, his hand was still gripped tightly to his wand, the end of which let out a few frustrated sparks.

"What was that?" a Death Eater called out to his fellows, looking around to the spot in between numbers 11 and 13. Instantly, Remus became aware that he was outside, that he was standing on an invisible stoop where Death Eaters were prowling, hoping for a chance to gain entrance and capture the occupants within. He let out a strangled cry of frustration as he Apparated away from Number 12 and landing in front of the cottage. But this wasn't where he wanted to be, this was the _last_ place he wanted to be. Looking around hastily for any sign of his followers but he was very definitely alone. Where else _could_ he go? Again, he thought fleetingly of going to Devon, to the caves, to rejoin the pack. It was then he remembered Thaliard said he would try and persuade them out of killing him on sight. And Greyback, no doubt from the changing of the guard, would be doing more of Voldemort's bidding in the killing and infecting of families. But no, there was too much risk, too much at stake. _But was there really?_ The devilish voice in his head started again. _You have nowhere to go, and who would miss you really if you were to die? Nymphadora won't, she wanted you gone, told you to get out, probably is glad to be rid of the connection. And Harry won't miss you; you blasted away any chance of being anything more than a waste of time. And what use are you really to the Order? No, Remus Lupin, no one would miss you_.

Remus shook his head, as though the voice was merely a devious fly buzzing around with the sole purpose of annoying him. What he needed was a drink, to think things over, to ease his burden and so walked down the path to his local, away from the cottage, away from any more painful reminders.

It was quiet and nearly empty, there was a man in the corner smoking a pipe and reading the paper, nursing a warm glass of beer. There were a few others, keeping to themselves, trying to drown their own sorrows in alcohol. Walking up to the counter, Remus ordered a pint, but as the bartender walked away to fill his order Remus said, "On second thought, I'll have a Scotch." It would be his final salute to Ted Tonks. "And make it a double." The bartender nodded and filled a tumbler with a few cubes of ice and the amber liquid. Remus gulped down the glass in one. It wasn't nearly as good as Ted's choice bottles, but Remus wasn't looking for taste. Tonight, he was just another nameless face in a sea of drunken men, just another person who used liquor to escape the brutal truths of reality.

"Another?" the bartender asked, and Remus nodded. "It's been a while seen I've seen you down here. You had a real cute bird with you last time, how is she?"

"Gone," Remus said simply, downing another glass of Scotch.

"Sorry to hear that," the bartender said. "Next round is on me."

"Ta," Remus said nodding, indicating to the bartender to fill the glass once more.

"_Coward_."

The word rang in his ear as if Harry had just shouted them, a ghostly echo of the truth finally being told. Never in his entire life had anyone called him a coward. They had pitied him, had made him feel like the creature he was classified as, but never had he once been called a coward. But that's what he was: a coward. A coward who could not live with the choices he had made, who could not own up to his mistakes. He had made his bed, and was expected to lie in it. But he chose to run, to escape, to flee. Wasn't that what he was doing right now? Using alcohol to escape what he knew already to be true? He didn't need Harry to tell him all those things tonight. He knew in his heart what he was doing, and why he was doing it, knew he was protecting himself, no matter how many times he said it was to protect her. His heart had been broken too many times, he watched too many people he loved die, he'd seen the cruelty of men when it came to his condition, and he simply could not go through that. Not again.

"Another?" The bartender asked, seeing his glass empty once more.

Remus had to keep a clear mind; how was he to pay for all this? Fishing in his pocket, he tried to see how much Muggle money he had, as a voice said, "Why don't you make that two."

_Fantastic_…

"You might as well leave the bottle," Remus said, handing over what few notes he had to the bartender, staring straight ahead at the wall opposite, refusing to look over. They were silent for some time as she took her seat on the barstool, sipping on her own glass of Scotch. It felt nice to have her here, to have her close. Nice to know that he still might have a friend out there.

"Lupin," Lavinia said, who finally turned her head to speak to him, "what are you doing here?"

"Came for a drink," he said, pounding down the heady malt beverage quickly.

"Why aren't you with your wife?" she said cautiously, taking a small subdued sip from her glass. "Times like these, you should be with family."

"I don't have a family," he said simply.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Lavinia said, and the sincerity in her voice made Remus turn around to finally look at her. Looking at her, sitting there next to him, she seemed changed from the woman who had ambushed him at the pub, who had prattled on drunkenly about how he had ruined Nymphadora's life forever. She seemed like her old self again, the kind and compassionate woman he had befriend who could become just as fiery when it came to ways of bringing down Voldemort, and Remus was glad for it. He didn't need her reminding him of his mistakes.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Remus asked.

"Came for a drink," she repeated, finally glancing back to him, a small smile on her lips, her ice blue eyes happily watching him. Her eyes were always so startling to him, so mysteriously bright and clear. He had seen when she would shift, her eyes would remain the same bright blue color, while everyone else's turned to the color of golden brown, like a wolf. Greyback once had tried to mate with her, proclaiming to all that her blue eyes were the result of a beautiful mutated gene. Much like their disease, it was a gene that should be spread to the generations to come, Greyback had thought aloud. Lavinia had refused his advances, spent time in the pit because of her insolence, but Greyback still looked smug, and Remus knew he had had his way with her. Thaliard had to be physically restrained from trying to retaliate. She wouldn't talk about what happened, even when Thaliard threatened to kill Greyback, she still wouldn't say, so Remus never pressed her for details, but he could imagine the agony and degradation she was going through. But no child had stirred within her, and for that, Remus was grateful for her sake. In fact, no females Greyback mated with ever became pregnant, a source of much gossip and speculation around the caves, a point that many of the other lesser pack leaders made to assert his dominance over the group, pointing to the number of females they impregnated, as though virility was a sign of power. Remus mused he could now tally one in his favor.

"Not taken to stalking me again, have you?" Remus asked, his own smile creeping on his lips.

"I have my hands a bit busy at the moment to keep an eye on you. You, however, seem to find trouble wherever you go."

"That's the truth," he said, sipping on his drink. "How's your mum doing?"

She sighed, and watched a bead of sweat run down her glass. "Loopier than ever. I have a feeling I'm going to have to put her in a full time care facility soon, but…" she lowered her voice so the bartender couldn't overhear, "I can't risk taking her to a Muggle institution for fear she would ramble on and on about our world, and I can't take her to any magical institutions, for fear I would be spotted and killed by the Ministry."

"Your coming here is a bit of a risk," Remus said, looking around at the other subdued local drunks, none of whom seemed the least bit interested in the two werewolves at the counter.

"Muggle pub," she said, even more quietly, "They couldn't tell a cat from a cappas."

"How did you know to find me here?" Remus asked, starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, but not nearly so much as to make him forget good commonsense.

"I was worried about you, and knocked on your door." She said, giving him a sad sort of smile. "Thaliard told me you said I could, that it would be better than lurking in the shadows. Well, after I saw no one was in, it was easy enough to track you after that."

"You're going to have to properly teach me about tracking people," he said shaking his head in disbelief, "I'm miserable at it. Merlin, I hope I really was able to get those Death Eaters off my trail... Why were you knocking on my door?"

"With news of the takeover I was worried about you. With Greyback having the Dark Lord's ear for information, he could easily have the Ministry come and collect you on the pretense of breaking some new measure they'll enact against our kind, making it easier for him to see you dead."

"Liv, with the Dark Lord in power, I'm sure the restrictions against our kind will be lessened."

"I think they'll get worse," Lavinia said seriously. "You really think a government who has enacted a Muggleborn Registration is going to be so lenient to half breeds and dark creatures? C'mon, professor, you know better than that."

"No," Remus said truthfully, the word 'professor' sparking something deep within him, but the alcohol was making his recognition to it numb. "No, I suppose I don't. But you're right of course, it _will_ get worse."

"I'm sure there are still those within the Ministry who can still fight the bureaucracy. Your wife for example would be one of those who would stand up for us. From what I've heard she's already done just that."

"How did you hear about that?" Remus asked, almost feeling the need to laugh. The information leaking out at the Ministry was appalling, but there was no use to try and control it now.

"You're wife, or 'partner' as I believe she's listed in the register now, has become a bit of a heroine to some. The great campaigner of werewolf rights, standing up to the Minister himself. Well, ex-Minister, Merlin-rest his soul."

"Well, after what I've put her through, she might just ask for tighter controls."

"What do you mean?" Lavinia asked, real concern in her eyes and Remus was glad to see his old friend back.

"I have not had nearly enough to drink, Liv, to start getting emotional with you just yet. Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and I can safely assume we're over and done with."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She said, looking even more worried for him.

"You're not going to say, 'I toldja so'?" Remus said, barking out a small laugh. She had told him this would happen, told him that everything was exciting at first but would they would grow tired of one another. Well, things were certainly exciting, but not in the way Remus would have wanted.

"I'd never tell you that," Lavinia said genuinely. "I _am_ sorry to hear things aren't working between you two. She seemed nice. Young… but nice. And I could earnestly see the love the two of you had for one another. Is there something that could be done to remedy the situation?"

"I don't know, Liv," Remus said, letting out a deep shuttering sigh, feeling as though he might be on the brink of tears. Alcohol always did make him rather foolishly emotional. "After what I've said, and what I've done, I don't think she will ever forgive me."

"She will, she'll come around. Give her some time and she'll see what she's lost. Couples have rows all the time-"

"This was more than a row," Remus muttered, looking down into his empty glass, "it was an explosion."

Lavinia, knowing him well enough not to push the point anymore, said, "Well, we can remedy one situation." And she poured Scotch from the bottle into each of their glasses.

"Oh no, I think I've reached my limited. It's all going to hit me soon if I'm not careful." But Remus took a long gulp from his glass anyway.

"You _must_ be in a state if you're drinking Scotch," she said making a face as she gulped down her own glass. She waved over the bartender. "Do you have Stella on tap?"

"No, sorry," the bartender said. "We have-"

"That's alright," she said before he could even list the dozens of other lagers. "C'mon, Lupin, a pub without Stella is no pub at all." She handed the bartender a large stack of pound notes, told him to keep the change, and helped Remus to his feet.

"I don't even feel that drunk," he said wobbling a little as she led him away from the pub. "Honestly, I'm fine."

"You say that now, but once we Apparate it's going to hit you like a charging Hippogriff." She said smiling at him, looking over her shoulder to the dark path behind them.

"Apparate, where we going?" he said, and Remus started having a tingling sensation in his lips, reaching up and pinching them to regain some sensation. How many glasses had he had? He couldn't even remember. But they weren't there that long, or were they? Time had a way of slipping through his fingers when he had been drinking.

"C'mon," she said and before he had time to question it, before he could realize what was happening, he was gone.

_Alcohol and Apparation do not mix_, someone told him once. It was probably Sirius, but right now Remus could not honestly remember.

"Are you alright?" Lavinia asked, looking into his eyes with all manner of concern.

"Fine, fine." Remus said, bending over to put his hands on his knees, worried he might vomit.

"Take a minute, I don't mind, we're in no hurry," she said, wandering around the area to give him some privacy in case he did vomit, looking down at her watch.

Lavinia had been right about it hitting him once they landed, and everything remained spinning long after their feet were on solid ground. In fact, she had been right about nearly everything. For some reason, Remus thought he could smell the sea, the salty air of being in or near a costal town. For a fleeting moment he thought he might be back at Woolacombe Bay, but he did not recognize any of his surrounding.

How had she been so right about he and Nymphadora? Were their relationships that similar that she was able to predict his future? At least it hadn't gotten as bad as her and Bass' relationship had…

"Ready?" she asked, sounding more urgent than she had all night, seeing him standing upright once more.

"Ready," he said saluting her like a soldier, but looked down at his hand as though it had done moved of its own accord. "Sorry, I don't know why I did that," he muttered, shaking his head. But she just laughed, and Remus grinned stupidly.

"C'mon, professor, let's get you inside before you make a spectacle of yourself."

Remus was only vaguely aware of their walking, Lavinia leading him by the arm towards some unknown destination. She was silent, but still grinning by his drunken tendency to ramble, commenting on every little thing that popped into his head.

"Did you know that in the fourteenth century werewolves were used as guardians? That they were- are we going to get something to eat? I'm suddenly very hungry- am I talking too much? But pizza does sound amazing, though of course, we don't need sidewalk pizza by me- Where are we? I don't recognize this town at all- but I love the architecture here- what did you think of the cottage when you came by? I've done a lot to the yard, you should have seen it before- you have to tell me if I'm talking too much- Dora always said I talk too much when I've had too much…" It was his mentioning Nymphadora that made him stop talking for a while.

"Welcome to _maison de l'horreur_. Or as I like to call it, home."

Remus steadied his head long enough to see they were standing in front of a row of large houses, each one unique to its owner, each one equally as elegant, each one just as expensive. "This is where you live?" Remus asked, shocked he had never been here, nor had heard her mention the fact she grew up in such an affluent area.

"This was where I grew up." She said simply, leading him up the stairs to manually unlock the front door.

"Why aren't you using your wand?" Remus asked confused by such an innocent, yet Muggle act of unlocking a door.

"Ministry has it remember?" Lavinia said sounding wary.

"Are we near the sea?"

"Close enough," she said, and Remus thought he could almost hear her eyes rolling.

"And your neighbors never suspected the entire time you are what you are?" Remus said, thinking the close quarters would mean the people all around could hear every little noise, especially that of a woman screaming and a wolf howling.

"Magically sound proofed walls so they couldn't hear the howling, and my parents kept to themselves so there were really no unwanted visitors who would drop by. But I was mainly kept in the basement. In fact, I should say I didn't live in this house, I lived in the basement."

She opened the door and led him quickly inside. All the lights were out. She physically locked the door behind her before grabbing him by the wrist leading him down the dark hall. But even in the dim light, Remus could see as they moved past impeccable sitting rooms, an ornate dining room, and a beautiful music room. She pushed a door open and plopped Remus down into a chair in a spectacular kitchen, manually going over to turn on the lights, which were harsh in comparison to the dim hallway.

"Sorry," she said, dimming the lights a little seeing Remus' overly scrunched up face to block the light from entering his eyes. "Wait here, I'm going to check on mum and I'll be down soon. Help yourself to whatever you want in the fridge!" she rushed out of the room through the door they had just entered. Remus could not, in good faith, tell where he was, just that he didn't want to be left alone. Food sounded incredible to him, but he worried, should he stand up, he might not be able to walk very far without falling, so he stayed at his spot at the round dining table, humming a tune to himself, his extremities feeling loose as he had lost the painful aching of his muscles.

"Sorry about that," she said reentering the room looking a little flustered. "Didn't you say you were hungry?"

"S'alright," he said shaking his head. "Probably better if I don't eat s'much."

She laughed a little at the slurring of his words. "Probably better if you do eat something, try and absorb some of that awful Scotch."

"I don't usually drink s'much Scotch or really any liquor for that matter." He said, the weight of his head seemed to become increasingly heavier and heavier, making it hard for him to sit up straight.

"I know you don't," she said, still smiling at him, remarkably sober. "I didn't either until this past year."

"You were a right mess, last I saw you," he said looking at her. Even in the dim light, even through a cloud of alcohol over his eyes, he could see that she was looking better, healthier, her hair well maintained and her eyes shining brightly.

"I _was_ a mess," she agreed, rummaging through cupboards for a suitable feast. "I'm better now."

"You look good," he said, lifting his heavy head to appreciate her fully.

"I think that's the Scotch talking," she said the smile in her voice still evident, coming back over with a large sandwich, crisps, a couple of chocolate biscuits, and a large glass of water. "Eat, it will help."

"You're s'good to me," he said, diving into the food.

"So. You wanna tell me what has my proper professor out on a Monday night drinking until he can't form comprehensive sentences?" She said, coming back over with the bag of crisps, and a bottle of cognac.

"Cognac? My, how posh we are," he said, looking at her thoughtfully, his mouth full of cold cuts and crisps. He didn't know if he wanted to have this discussion, not yet.

"All we have left in this place, because I may or may not have during this past year finished a rather extensive collection of various types of alcohol my parents had been building since they were married," she said, pouring herself a small glass, looking at it before downing it in one. "Hmm, it's quite good. I'd offer you some, but you seem pretty tight to me."

"Very," he said, swallowing down some water.

"But back to the matter at hand; you said you and Nymphadora fought?" she said and Remus knew she was trying to get him to confide in her. She would understand, she wouldn't judge him like the others because she had been through this. Why hadn't he thought of talking to Lavinia sooner? Maybe because she had been a real pain last he saw her. And maybe it was because he was too ashamed that he had abandoned her when she clearly had taken a keen interest in his safety, even in the safety of his wife. He seemed to now have a track record for abandoning women.

" 's bad, Liv, it's really bad." He said slowly shaking his head.

"No judgments," Lavinia said sincerely, pouring herself another class of cognac. "Believe me, I wish I had someone else to talk to about everything that happened between Bass and I."

"She's pregnant, Liv," Remus said wincing, waiting for her reaction. She took a minute to study his face, to form what she could say to him that wouldn't sound contrite.

"I know you don't want to hear congratulations," she said finally, sipping her cognac peaceably.

"Nope," Remus said taking another enormous bite into the sandwich.

"How far along is she?"

"Six weeks or summthing like that," he said through a mouth full of food.

"And she's keeping it I take it?"

"I tried to convince her otherwise," he said, "but we rowed and then…"

"She threw you out." Lavinia finished the sentence for him. "I don't blame her."

"Hey, you said no judgments!" Remus said.

"No, I'm not judging, I'm just saying, I would be upset as well. I mean, can you really blame her for doing what she did? I'm also not blaming you for your reaction. You acted just as I would've."

Perhaps this was a mistake confiding in Lavinia. The alcohol, although having the numbing effect Remus so desperately wanted for the physical pain, it still left him mentally capable of seeing Nymphadora's face, so hurt over his words, could still hear her yelling at him to leave, that she didn't care where he went so long as it was out of the house. He thought longingly of the bottle of cognac on the table.

"RJ," Lavinia said sympathetically, seeing his hesitation in confiding anymore in her, "she's thinking like a human, not like a werewolf. She's thinking like a mother as well. She's thinking like a woman in love, a woman who created a child with a wonderful man, a child she sees as a blessing. She can't see the possibilities you and I can, she can't see the danger she's putting the child in by carrying it to term. You and I have seen the miscarriages and the deaths of newborns, we've seen the darker side of young life, of young blood." Lavinia sighed, looking out towards something Remus could not see. "Bass wanted kids, wanted 'em terribly, but I knew better, knew there was too big a risk it would be like me."

"You would have been a great mum, Liv," Remus said and she gave him a sad sort of smile.

"And you'll be a great father, RJ," she said seriously.

"I've already failed her s'much, how can I be a good father? I haven't exactly been the world's most supportive husband. I mean, she was suspended from her job at the Ministry, she's having to put up with everyone finding out about our marriage and people being disgusted."

"And she has to put up with your constant flux of emotions." She added, chuckling.

"Hey," he said frowning. "No judgments!"

She held her hands up in surrender, still chuckling a little. "No, I swear, no judgment from me! Our condition makes us feel more than humans can. Not only are all of our primary senses heighten, but so too are our ability to love, and our ability to hate. Our hate makes us more ferocious, deadlier, and merciless when we kill. But it also makes our ability to love just as fierce, just as determined."

"Greyback apparently didn't get the memo about loving fiercely," Remus muttered.

Lavinia looked odd, a funny sort of frown on her face, like she was disgusted, yet disappointed. Remus knew he might have over stepped his bounds. The topic of Greyback with Lavinia was still a very testy subject.

"Fenrir doesn't have love for others, it's true. But he does love power, he loves control, dominance and the thrill of spilling blood. Most of all, he loves himself."

"And you, Liv, do you love fiercely?" Remus said grinning, in a small, drunken attempt at changing the subject.

"You know I do," she said quietly, drinking the last of the cognac in her glass.

"That was a stupid question, sorry…" Remus said, knowing this was not where he should have taken the conversation.

"It's alright," she said looking back to him. "Maybe you should try to go to sleep and in the morning we can plan a strategy for you to go back to your wife."

"She doesn't want me, Liv," Remus said sadly. "You didn't see the look on her face or how she angrily threw me out."

"She's scared, RJ. You called her baby a monster."

"It is a monster," Remus muttered.

"How do you know?" Lavinia said, narrowing her eyes. "How do you know it's going to be like us?"

"I don't, you know I have no way of knowing."

"And what happens seven or eight months from now and you find out the child is completely healthy? Are you just going to go back then, like nothing happen? Like you didn't insult her and your baby?"

"I don't know!" he roared, standing up from his seat, but the alcohol made his balance less than stellar. There was a scuffling sound upstairs, like someone moving and Lavinia looked panicked.

"Listen, I'm not going to talk to you anymore about this tonight," she said, standing up and taking the food and drink away. "I'll set you up in a bed here and we'll talk more in the morning. But I need to ask you to keep it down. My mum is not the greatest of sleepers."

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, looking down at his feet.

"Come on, professor," she said, holding out her hand so he had some support walking away from the kitchen and up the stairs. She settled him into one of the guest rooms at the top of the stairs.

"Loo is second door down, I'm in the master bedroom at the end of the hall if you need anything," she said, turning around as he awkwardly started to climb out of clothing.

"Nothing you haven't seen before, Liv," he said, noticing her modesty.

"Goodnight, RJ… and try to make it to the toilet if you need to puke," she said, closing the door behind her.

Remus climbed into the bed, one of remarkable comfort and support. He settled himself beneath the sheets and the moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

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><p>an: so do we trust lavinia? do you think she'll be able to talk Remus into going back to Tonks? you'll have to wait and see :)

Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate it! if you like what you've read leave a comment!


	22. Loyal to No One

**a/n:** harry potter and its characters are the property of j.k. rowling and warner brothers. no copyright infringement is intended. rated M for adult situations, language, and mild violence. as always, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Two: Loyal to No One<strong>

_Thud, thud, thud_.

The pounding in Remus' head seemed to be coming from all around him, making him sink even deeper into the pillows. Inhaling heavily, to steady the queasy nature of his stomach, Remus realized suddenly he was not in his own bed. Sharply raising his head, he searched the room through narrow eyes to see where he was exactly, but the sun was getting the better of him. It was simply too bright in this room to make any sense of his location, so deciding the mystery could wait a few hours longer, he flopped his head back down on the pillow.

_Thud, thud, thud!_

The pounding seemed to be getting sharper and more distinct. It was then Lavinia burst through the bedroom door. "Morning, sunshine," she said, closing the blinds so that the sun was not nearly so bright.

"Liv…" he groaned, putting a pillow over his head.

"Oh no, Lupin," she said, pulling the pillow away, "you need to get up."

"Why? I have nothing to do today," he said grumpily, begrudgingly lifting his head.

"_Nothing_ to do? You have to beg your wife to take you back!" She said seriously, looking as though he had plenty to be getting on with. "As much as I love the extra company and knowing you're safe, you'd be miserable cooped up here."

"Liv," he said, sighing deeply.

"Mind you, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't take you back, but if she's carrying your child, and with the Dark Lord in control of the Ministry, you need to be there for her, now more than ever."

Remus groaned. He didn't need this, not this early in the morning, not with his head pounding so much.

"UP!" she said forcibly.

"Alright, alright," he said, moving his body up, only to pause by dangling his legs from the edge of the much too comfortable bed. Eyes finally adjusted to the light, Remus was able to examine the room he slept in last night. It looked very much like a hotel, everything spotless, too white, too organized and sparse, lacking mementos or sentiments from which you could distinguish the personality of the inhabitant. It also had that same feeling of trying to be like a home, but failing miserably, that it would never feel loved or unique. But in the same hotel-like manner, it was beautiful, ornate with Victorian furnishings, a large gold mirror above an old intricately carved fireplace.

"Whose room was this?" Remus asked sleepily.

"Just a guest room," Lavinia said, refolding the towels.

"Which one was your room?"

She paused, pursing her lips, looking troubled. She looked as though she was about to say something but decided against it. "It's not on this floor," she said finally, putting the neatly folded stack of towels next to Remus on the bed. "You might want to start with a shower, Lupin, you smell absolutely horrid."

"Thanks," he muttered, taking hold of the fluffy white towels, realizing he was only in his pants, he said blushing, "uh, mind-"

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Lavinia said smartly, noticing his hesitation to leave the bed.

"Too true," he said, standing up. He felt as though he had been hit with a Jelly-legs Jinx as he stumbled trying to move forward. It felt, too, his head was still swimming in all the remaining Scotch he had consumed the previous night.

"Want some help?" she said chuckling, taking hold of him under the arm and leading him out of the room towards the hall bath.

"You don't need to do this," he said, feeling foolish needing her help to simply walked down the hall.

"I don't mind, I have to do this with mum almost every morning," she said as they entered the equally ornate bathroom. "Right, mind you use a lot of soap, Lupin. Nymphadora isn't going to take you back smelling like booze and desperation."

"Ha, ha, ha," he said sarcastically. She smiled as she closed the door on him. The moment he heard the doorknob click into place, he collapsed onto the cold tiled floor.

It wasn't a dream; it was true. He had left her. He had left his wife. Not even that, he had left his _pregnant_ wife.

Remus shook his head, his stomach lurking, and he immediately felt the need to vomit. Crawling over to the toilet, he lifted the seat just in time. The physical act of retching seemed to expel not only the remnants of alcohol, but also his shame, as though the physical act of purging helped to alleviate his guilt. But as soon as the contents of his stomach had been emptied, the small relief he had felt gave way to a flood of powerful emotions. _You made a vow, a promise, you told her you'd never leave her again, _his rational thought was telling him_. How could you just leave her? Especially in her condition… _

He rested his forehead against the edge of cool porcelain seat, trying to think of all the excuses that rationalized his behavior, all the reasons he thought it was all right to do what he did. But he could not. Nothing came to mind.

"You'll go back," he said aloud. "You'll go back to her today and beg her to take you back, tell her the horrible mistake you made in ever leaving her for a moment."

This seemed to settle his stomach, the thought of going back to her. So he picked himself off the ground, determined that going back was the only option he had.

Showering gave him the ability to focus more clearly, having the water refresh his skin, reawakening all of his senses. He felt better, sober, ready to tackle whatever life threw at him. Wrapping himself in a towel, he quickly walked back down the hall to find his clothes missing from the bedroom.

"Liv?" he called out, searching underneath the bed for his missing shirt and trousers.

"Yeah?" her voice rang out from somewhere downstairs.

"Have you seen my clothes?" he called back, still thoroughly confused.

"They're in the wash," her voice shouted back, "just come down in a dressing gown until their done."

"What if your mum sees me?" he said, and even with the large white towel safely wrapped around his body, he felt highly exposed.

"Mum k.o'd, I had to give her a sleeping potion in the middle of the night. She'll be out for hours still. I think you're safe." Her voice called back to him, sounding incredulous.

"Yeah, but still," he said, not quite as loudly, scratching the back of his neck. What was he hiding from her really? She had woken up with him the night after a transformation; she had seen his naked body, just as he had seen hers. It never felt awkward then, seeing each other's nakedness, what made it feel so unnatural now? And he would be in a dressing gown, for Merlin's sake, not completely starkers!

"Go into the master bedroom and put on some of da's old clothes if you don't want to come down in a dressing gown!" she said.

"Are you sure?" Remus said, thinking it highly irregular that he should walked around her house wearing her dead father's clothing.

"Lupin, I really don't care what you do one way or the other, but come down soon! Your eggs are getting cold."

With the thought of food waiting for him downstairs, Remus finally concluded that it would be alright putting on her father's old clothes, only until his own were clean. Walking quickly back down the hall, Remus entered into the master bedroom cautiously. It was large and grand, decorated in the same dark ornate Victorian style as the other rooms. The canopy bed was draped in thick lush fabrics; the walls were covered in what appeared to be another soft fabric with a subtle damask pattern. Remus walked toward the back where it could logically be assumed the closet was held. It was only then did he notice he was not alone in the room. Underneath the layers of heavy material, someone was breathing slowly, clearly sound asleep. Lavinia's mother was sleeping, looking peaceful, and did not stir from having Remus in the room. In fact, she appeared to be quite unconscious.

Remus thought she looked nothing like her daughter, as her features were much darker, her hair a dull brown that was streaked heavily with grey, her skin much more tan than Lavinia's fair completion. He looked from her mum to the bedside table, which had dozens of pictures in beautiful sterling silver frames of her as a younger woman, many of which were with her now deceased husband. Lavinia definitely took after her father, who had the same dark blonde wavy hair, same startlingly bright blue eyes, the same good looks. He was a large man, much bigger than his wife, and his smile seemed to reach out through the frame. But there was a deep sadness in his eyes. It was then that Remus saw something curious, something he wasn't expecting. In one of the photographs were Lavinia's mother and father with a boy of seventeen or eighteen, recently graduated from Hogwarts, looking awkward, being hugged proudly by his parents. He had the same dark hair his mother had, and he wore a smirk that was undeniably familiar…

"RJ?" Lavinia said cautiously, peeking in through the doorway to see where he had gone.

"Is this your brother?" Remus asked quietly, very much aware of the woman sleeping next to him. He pointed to the boy in the picture.

"Yeah," she said, coming into the room to examine the photo he was pointing to.

"Your brother is… Thomas Maynard?"

"Do you know him?" she asked curiously.

"I thought you said your brother's name was Quintus," Remus said, looking back to the photo of a young Thomas Maynard.

"It is, or I should say it _was_. Quintus Saunders. I also said my parents changed his name when I was bitten so he wouldn't be associated with me in case I was discovered. Maynard is my mum's maiden name." She said, still looking curiously at Remus. "Why, did he abuse you?"

"_What_?" Remus asked momentarily stunned by the question.

"I assume you know him from the Ministry, being a member of the Werewolf Capture Unit." She said sadly, looking down at the picture of the young boy.

"Yeah," Remus said, "he was one of the guards on duty the night we were brought in for the full moon."

"Bit of a prick my brother," she said nodding bitterly, taking the frame from Remus' hands and put it back down on the table. "But I would be a bitter old arse if my parents shipped me off to live with relatives while they spent all their time and energy into raising their half-breed daughter." She looked down at her sleeping mother, as though she was looking at someone filthy, unclean and disgusting. "Mum and da saw him whenever they could, tried to keep in touch, they put him through school, gave him practically anything he ever wanted or could possibly ever need. But he was resentful, saw it as them trying to buy his love."

"I could understand that," Remus said, who had felt his own parents, perhaps in their guilt, had spoiled him. That was, until his father died and he and his mother could no longer afford such luxuries.

"He thinks he got the short end of the stick, but if he only knew…" she said, her voice trailing away as she thought back on frightful memories. "He was the one that branded me, you know."

"_What_?"

"Yep. He heard I had been brought in, and just… _gloated_ while I was in my cell. Found it a big laugh that all the years mum and da had put into protecting me were for nothing, that I was being registered and getting my own number, that he knew it was only a matter of time and how much he wished he was the one who had brought me in. That's when he came up with the novel idea of branding my new number into my skin. 'A present,' he said, 'for mum' to show her that even she could not escape the law. He didn't have the authority to do something like that, but they gave him the clearance after the fact. They love him over at WCU."

"Liv," Remus said sympathetically, feeling horrified at the thought of having a sibling be that cruel as to brand numbers into the flesh of his own kin.

"Whatever," she said, dismissing Remus' sympathy. "You need clothes." She walked briskly over to the closet before coming back out with a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. "Da was a bit bigger than you, but if you insist on wearing something," she said shaking her head with a smile over his modesty. "You could come downstairs in nothing at all, RJ, it wouldn't make much of a difference to me."

"Yeah, well," Remus said, feeling shy, realizing he was still in his towel. "I suppose living within the confines and proprieties of decent society have made me a little more shy about my nakedness."

"Yeah, I guess after living for so long with the wolves you really find the idea of clothes a little unnecessary. Unless, of course, it's the dead of winter when the last thing you want to be is completely starkers." She thought with a smile.

He went into the hall bathroom to put on the clothes. They were quite big, practically falling off his thin frame. The length was all right; it was the width. Titus Saunders was a very broad man.

"All right in there?" Lavinia called out from the other side of the door.

"All right," Remus said, using wandless magic to shrink the clothes so they were more appropriate. He walked out, rubbing his wet hair on the towel, so she could see the clothes on him.

"Wish I could do wandless magic," she said, looking over the very recognizable change in her father's clothing. "I never thought there would come a day when I would really begin to miss my wand. I just feel incomplete, like I'm missing a limb or something."

"Don't you use your mum's wand? I can't imagine she'd mind."

"I've tried, but it won't work as well for me, too unreliable. You know how it is using someone else's wand." She shrugged. "Come on, breakfast, and then we're planning on getting you back to your wife."

He sighed, thinking that this might take more planning than just a little chat over the breakfast table. It was nice, however, to walk downstairs and find warm food ready for him, plates for his choosing, a proper fry up. Usually, he was the one to cook, as Tonks could not be trusted near the stove. Not for lack of trying was what kept her away, but too many singed eyebrows had taught them it would be safer if Remus were to prepare the meals. Besides, it came with the territory of being a "trophy husband". Some prize he turned out to be.

"Help yourself," Lavinia gestured toward the plates of food. "I know what I like to eat after a night of boozing, but I wasn't sure if your sensibilities were still so delicate."

"Piss off," he said laughing, helping himself to the hash. She always played around with him, teasing him about his quiet manner, or his time as a professor, or the sensitive nature of his stomach. It took Remus a long time to get adjusted to the raw diet they were made to eat underground. The wolf side of his nature seemed to revel in the fact it was being fed everything it craved, and Remus at times, still found himself craving raw bloody meat, but his more dominate human side was repulsed by having to kill something before eating it. He was so much more accustomed going to the market and buying meat already butchered. Well, when he could afford to buy meat that is.

"So, Nymphadora," she said, biting into her own piece of toast. "How long have you been away from her?"

"Two days," Remus said. Had it really only been two days? It felt like two years.

"Oh," Lavinia said, looking at him curiously. "The way you've been going on about it, I thought you'd been away longer."

"No, we rowed Sunday night."

"And this 'epic' row, you say it's done irrevocable damage. Was it just about the baby?"

"And our marriage, and how she was suspended from the Ministry because of our marriage, and just everything else." Remus didn't go into the details of the Order mission, or Mad-Eye's death. As much as Lavinia was back to her old self, as much as he was beginning again to trust her, he still needed to protect the Order, now more than ever.

"And how did she leave it?" She asked. "What makes you think she won't take you back?"

"She told me to get out, that she didn't give a damn where I went, that I could go back to the pack and she wouldn't care."

"Ouch." Lavinia said wincing, knowing the weight of what going back to the pack really meant.

"She told me she didn't even know why we were married. But it was more than that, Liv; it was the look on her face, like she was seeing me for the first time, seeing what I really was."

"What you are, Lupin, is a pig," she said looking straight at him.

Remus bowed his head. "I deserve that."

"But how can I sit here and preach to you when I did the same thing to Bass? I can't. And I know why you did what you did, said what you said. Still doesn't explain away the fact that you've left your pregnant wife alone during the most dangerous time for all of us."

"I know," he said, his head still low.

"RJ, I know you, and I know more than anyone you feel the shame of what happened. I know you have been fighting with yourself for weeks, no doubt on the brink of insanity, because you cannot see the blessing in this, only the fact that you might have infected a perfectly innocent child." _Damn, she really did know him well._ "But I also know that you are an amazing man, who is more than capable of providing the love and support for a child, infected or not."

"It makes no difference if I can love the child, Liv," Remus said sadly, "I know I would, of course I would, how could I not? But even if it weren't like us, how would the rest of the world perceive it? It would still be half-werewolf, transformations or no. How could it have a normal life with me as its father?"

"Remus," Lavinia said, reaching out a hand to take hold of one his, holding onto it, and Remus had a vague recollection that this was one of the few times she had ever called him by his full Christian name. "I know you, I know the man you are. You would make a wonderful father to any child, and you more than anyone know what it is like to grow up in world that does not look so kindly to the differences of others. You could help him or her cope with the prejudices."

"But no child deserves to be brought into the world surrounded by prejudice! I mean, what happens if it goes to Hogwarts? Would it even have friends?"

"Of course he will! You had friends and you're full werewolf."

"I was lucky, very fortunate indeed to find some people who knew of my condition and did not exclude me because of it. And I also had Dumbledore to defend me," Remus muttered sadly. "I have never forgotten that man's kindness. I feel I still owe him so much, even in death."

"That is probably my one regret in life is that my parent's ever sent me to Hogwarts, and that I never knew Albus Dumbledore. I only ever read about him, read about his conquering Grindlewald and all his wonderful accomplishments, and then to think about children actually going and learning with him as their Headmaster, I was properly jealous."

"He was a remarkable man, and an enormously gifted wizard. I would not be so proficient as I am with wandless magic without his helping me."

"You lucky bastard," she said, biting into another piece of toast.

"I was a lucky bastard," he said with a bark of laughter. "But I can honestly say that I did not deserve his friendship or his respect. I can make for a very poor friend, Liv, as I think you might have come to realize."

"You're not a bad friend, RJ," she said looking down into her cup of coffee. "You just think you don't make a very worthy friend."

"Because my track record speaks for itself," he said seriously. "Lily and James never truly trusted me, and after they died, I completely abandoned their son. I thought Sirius was the murderer every said he was, when he was completely innocent. And I've been a piss poor friend to you, Liv."

"RJ, many of those things never you couldn't help. You told me Dumbledore say it would be better to leave Harry alone, to grow up thinking that he was perfectly ordinary."

"Yes, but after his upbringing with relatives who didn't give a damn about his welfare, you can't help but feel responsible that you should have done more."

"True, but he seems to have survived just fine."

"Still," Remus said weakly, having another sip of his coffee. They were silent for some time, each in their own thoughts of lost pasts, failings in their ideas of friendship, and alternate realities. Was there more he could have done for Harry? Yes, of course there was, but did Harry really need the extra attention of living with a registered werewolf? No, no one deserved to live their life as an outcast because of their association with him. And were would they have lived? Up until a few months ago, his parents' home should have been condemned for the state of disrepair it had fallen into. But he felt he owed it to James, who had given Remus some of his own family inheritance realizing his friend was not going to complete his goals of becoming a professor anytime soon because of the prejudices the wizarding world had against his kind. He owed it to Lily, who had been his very first friend, who had not shunned him when he finally told her what he really was. Yes, Harry deserved so much more than his friendship, and after what he had done to him back at Grimmauld Place, he knew it would be a long time before Remus could ever make amends.

"I'm going to check on mum," Lavinia said, finally breaking the silence between them. "Mind doing the dishes for me?"

Remus nodded and with a wave of his wand, the dishes moved themselves into the sink.

"Show off," she muttered with a smirk, leaving him alone.

He got up, waving his wand again over the sink, turning on the water, letting soap come out of the tip of his wand. Once the dishes were soaking in the warm soapy water, Remus magically made the sponge wipe off any remaining food stains. It was then, looking as to where he should put leftover food, he notice a door slightly ajar. Thinking it a pantry, he cleared the table of the nonperishable items, and opened the door wider. It was dark but immediately Remus could tell this was not a pantry. There were stairs that led down into the depths of the darkness, and Remus' curiosity made him wondered what was down there. Wandlessly summoning light to appear in front of him, he carefully walked down the stairs, his hands still holding onto the cereal box and jam. The ball of light illuminated something Remus was not expecting: a little girl's bedroom and a large cage.

Concentrating on the ball of light, he expanded it to bring light to the entire room. The cage was in the far back, built into the corner of the wall. The bars were of enchanted steel, closely built together so there was little more than three inches between them, running from floor to ceiling, scratch marks in places, but looking thoroughly impenetrable. The rest of the unfinished basement was dedicated to a little girl's bedroom, but it was unlike any child's room Remus had seen. The cement walls and floors were cold and impersonal, and the imposing steel cage seemed to loom ominously over the entire space. A single bed with a faded pink frilly duvet was pushed against one wall, a small dresser for clothes against another. All the furniture was old, painted in white wash rather than making it feel fresh and new, made everything look more distressed, and all bearing the marks of doing battle with some great-clawed creature. Remus saw there was also an area designated for a schoolroom, with a desk covered in art supplies, a bookcase full to bursting with spell books, and a chalkboard where the same eerie claw marks ran across it. Remus shuddered thinking of the sound it must have made, those fearsome claws against a chalkboard. The cement wall opposite the chalkboard held a collage of the girl's artwork, drawings of animals, mostly of birds and dragons, portraits of family members, a self-portrait. They were all of an extraordinary quality, like something found in his books on creatures, so realistic and detailed they could have been photographs. Remus saw sadly the portrait of Lavinia, perhaps around the age of sixteen. She looked beautiful; the sad lines around her face were no longer there, her icy blue eyes mesmerizing him. She seemed happy. But Remus wondered how anyone could ever be happy down here, living like a caged animal.

Remus felt a rush of gratitude towards his own parents, who, despite years of feeling different from them, removed, never did _this_ to him. They never physically separated him from everything, except on nights of the full moon, when they would take him down in the cellar, and never longer than what was strictly necessary. And although they kept him hidden for a time, away from other people so that his only companions were his books, they agreed he could attend Hogwarts, agreed he could go away, make friends, find a new life for himself. Remus knew Lavinia's parents had been given this choice, had been told by Dumbledore that Hogwarts could help Lavinia, could give her a magical education, that even now they had someone like her there who might help her with the condition. But her parents refused, and taught her themselves. Remus had no problem with parents homeschooling their children and certainly Lavinia's magical education had not suffered. She was very accomplished witch in her own right. But never had he thought they would do it down here, make her live, sleep, eat, and transform in this basement hidden away from the world.

"RJ?" he heard her voice from upstairs. Remus felt nervous, like he was intruding on something much too personal. But he was caught, as there was no way to explain where he had gone. "RJ, you know you left this cleaning spell going?" she called out, laughter in her voice. Remus silently hoped she would leave the kitchen area to look for him so he could hurry up the stairs and feign having gone to the loo. But he heard the door upstairs creak open a little further and a small voice said, "RJ?" Remus quickly extinguished the lights, plunging everything into total darkness as he made for the stairs.

"Oh, Lavinia, hey, sorry, I was looking for the pantry," he said lamely, walking back up the stairs, holding out the cereal and jam as shields against her rage in the discovery of her past.

"I'm sure you were," she said quietly, a bite in her tone.

"Sorry," he said quickly, returning to the brightly lit kitchen, and he could see she looked pale and worried, but not quite so angry as he thought she might be. There was an awkward silence between them, Remus unsure of what to say and Lavinia ashamed by his discovery.

"So you found my bedroom, I see," she said finally. "I told you last night that I lived in the basement, didn't I? Guess you forgot about that in your drunken state."

"Liv, I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't purposefully go snooping."

"RJ," she said giving him a knowing look, "you were _always_ one to go snooping; nosiest little bugger I've ever met."

"Yes, but I didn't know that it was going to be like _that_," he said.

"Well," she said with a heavy sigh, "now you've seen it, no way to _un_-see it."

"I'm so sorry," he repeated shaking his head sadly, putting down the breakfast items on the counter. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry about snooping or about how I grew up?"

"Both, I suppose," he said quietly.

"Well, for a long time I didn't know any better. I thought that's what happens to little girls and boys who were bitten. In fact, I thought I was one of the lucky ones who didn't have to go away to Azkaban."

"That's what they told you would happened?" Remus asked, stunned by the depth of her parents' deception.

"Yeah, and I suppose, in some ways, I _was_ one of the lucky ones. They didn't abandon me and they didn't dismiss me. They still loved me, in their own way."

"But they still locked you away in the basement, Liv! They made you live in the same place you transformed!" Remus felt himself becoming a little more outraged than he intended. He thought of the sleeping woman upstairs, thought of how she could have allowed that to happen to her own daughter, thinking it humane for her to stay in a dark hole in a beautiful home that had more than enough room for her to live. No wonder her son had turned out just as cruel and vindictive, nature versus nurture, surely. "Where you ever allowed outside?"

"Not until I was about ten, when I could properly understand about being quiet, so the neighbors wouldn't know I was living there. Then when I was sixteen they actually let me go down to the market with them on Christmas Eve, but because it was winter I was pretty much covered up with a balaclava so no one could see my face. This was all due to the fact that, to the outside world, Titus and Alexandra Saunders did not have a daughter."

"They told everyone they didn't have a daughter?"

"Or a son, really. They told those who had seen Quintus when he was growing up that he was away at school, or spending his summer holidays with friends. All sorts of excuses to hide the fact that he was shipped him off to live with my uncle, or some other relative who would take him in for a while, just so that he wouldn't have the connection of a half-breed sister. Mostly, my parents kept to themselves, didn't really have any friends or anyone close who would try and look into their lives to prove them otherwise."

"When did you leave?"

"You mean when did I _escape_?" she asked, a bitter laugh escaping her lips in a manner Remus had never heard before. "I had it planned when I was fifteen, when I found out the truth. My da would bring me books when I'd ask for them, would get me really whatever I wanted if I begged long enough. So one day, I asked for a number of books about the Ministry and wizard law, deluding myself into thinking that I could be able to repeal all the decree about sending kids who had been bitten away to Azkaban. It was then I found out children who were bitten don't go to Azkaban, in fact, there was no law about those who were bitten being sent away to Azkaban. Well, I mean, unless there was a real case to put them away, or put them down. That's when I began plotting to leave, angry with both of them for deceiving me for so many years. So I planned, and I waited, finally managing it shortly after I turned seventeen when I didn't have the trace on me anymore so they couldn't try and track me. I did it during my scheduled outdoor time because I had been secretly teaching myself to Apparate."

"You taught yourself how to Apparate?" Remus asked, impressed by the extent of her magical abilities.

"Well, studying the method at least. I couldn't actually do it for fear the Ministry would come snooping because of highly advanced underage magic use."

"And they never once came in to question your parents about your magical education?"

"The Ministry regulates families who train children themselves. They have inspections once a year with someone who would go into the homes to make sure that the area the child is learning in is safe and that it is a proper environment for study, but mostly to verify there would be no risk for exposure. As much as my parents tried to hide away the fact that they had a daughter, there was no hiding my birth certificate, so they told the Ministry that I was a sickly child, and they would opted to train me themselves."

"And they were _okay_ with that basement?" Remus asked, appalled that the Saunders were able to get away with such cruelty.

"Oh, Merlin no! My parents would stage some of the living areas up here with desks and books and everything else and then tell the Educational Officer that I was away playing with a friend, or too ill for the interview. You would think after years of visits and having never once seen me they would begin to suspect something, but I think they really only ever get involved when they know the conditions in a home are unsafe."

"So after you left, you were on your own?"

"I went to live with a sympathetic aunt for a month or so," she said, scratching at the raised skin of the branded numbers on her arm. "But she couldn't keep me, not after a full moon, not after seeing the extent of the damage I could create. So then I moved around a lot, transforming in heavily wooded areas, always really careful to stay out of campgrounds and to never really transform in the same place twice in a row. Finally, I settled into a wizarding village where I found work and more information on what was being done to help our kind. This was back in the days when they had the anonymous support groups, and that's where I met Jack Thaliard who introduced me to Bass Cormier, and the rest is history. I came home, eventually, after Bass and I were married, almost grateful for how cautious they had made me. It helped to conceal what I was from him, and helped me to teach Jack to be more cautious."

"I still don't know how you managed to hide your condition from Bass for almost seven years."

"Well, transforming in that small cell downstairs for the majority of my life, my wolf has almost been trained to stay put, keep calm, and not to go mental. I've come to learn not to scratch and bite myself as you do, and so I don't have quite as many scars."

It was true. Remus always found it incredible Lavinia would wake up the next morning with her body nearly immaculate while his was covered in blood and self inflicted wounds.

"So where would you go?"

"Jack and I knew of an abandoned building near the village we lived in. Jack would take one room and I would take another and then we would help each other the next morning."

"What did Bass think you were doing on those nights?"

"Told him I was working, that every month the company I worked for would ask me to stay or a night or two in France so I could get a head start in the morning with investors."

"Liv, I mean this in the best way possible, and I really don't mean to offend, but Bass was an idiot."

She laughed, her whole body shaking with the force of her laughter, and Remus was glad he hadn't offended her. She could get so touchy when the subject of her deceased husband was brought up. "He was," she said, wiping away a tear from her eye. "He really was. Not the sharpest or the most intelligent, my husband. He certainly was no professor, but he had a good heart and loved me more than I ever thought was possible for someone to love. And he saved me. After years of being on the run, after years of being unable to settle down, or make friends, he came into my life and was brilliant. He was what I needed at the time. Would our marriage have lasted?" She looked thoughtful shaking her head. "No, I can honestly say that things were at the breaking point when he, when I…"

Remus put a comforting hand over her scarred arm and said, "I know."

"It's funny what death can do for a relationship. Suddenly, he was no longer the man who irritated me about every little thing, who I spent more and more nights away from. I didn't run immediately after what had happen, but I was living in a state of constant fear of exposure, because the wizards in the village knew exactly where the wounds on his body had come were from. Thal helped with damage control, helped with the funeral, but after that left, was wandering into Dartmoor and Greyback approached me. He knew straight away what I was, and told me there was a way better way to live for our kind. That's why I'm so sad to hear about you and Nymphadora. I really had hoped a future between a werewolf and a human could work out. I was around the same age she is when I got married. I think that's why I was so angry about finding out the two of you. You're such a good man, RJ, and I didn't want to see you wind up in the same situation I found myself in."

"Looks like I did," Remus said sadly.

"There's still time to change things," Lavinia said.

"Liv, everything you just told me about Bass, I don't think there is. It's like you said, how can a human love a werewolf?"

"But she knows what you are, Bass never did."

"But that makes it so much more real."

"How so?"

"Because he loved the real you, the _human_ you. Yes, Nymphadora knows what I am and loves, or perhaps I should say, _loved_ me. But sometimes I think she loves me _because_ of what I am."

"That she has some fetish towards dark creatures?" Lavinia asked with a twisted confused look on her face.

"No, no, nothing like that. More like, she wouldn't have looked twice at me if she hadn't been told what I was. That I was suddenly so much more interesting because she had never met a werewolf."

"You know how ridiculous you sound, right?" she asked, smiling at his ridiculousness.

"I thought we still had a no judgment policy in effect!" Remus said laughing.

"But it's true! RJ, you only need to look in a mirror to see how someone could be attracted to you. Not only that, you're incredibly smart, a little too smart I'd say, and an incredibly caring and loving individual."

"Even if that may be true, it doesn't change the fact that, no matter how much I may love someone, Liv, I am still a killer!"

"I know," she said calmly. She could sense Remus becoming more and more emotionally agitated, could sense that he was in no mood to have this debate again, and Remus was grateful she didn't push the issue too much further. "I know how you're feeling; how could I not?"

"Thank you," he said.

"Maybe having this time apart will be good for both of you. Maybe your marriage was a bit rushed, maybe the threat of war and death pushed along something that was never meant to be. Who knows? What we do know is that she's carrying your child, RJ. No matter what happens in your personal relationship, the two of you will always have a connection to one another because you'll be the father of her child."

"If it survives." Remus said darkly.

"It will," she said confidently. "I have a good feeling about the whole thing, that it will turn out for the best."

"Well, I can't exactly rely on your good feeling, Liv, as much as I would like to."

"I know, RJ. Which is why you need to figure out a plan for going back to her." She said, looking down at her watch. "Oh, shit, I'm late…"

"Somewhere you need to be?" Remus asked, noticing the gesture.

"Yeah, actually, I was supposed to be meeting…" but she never completed her sentence, looking out the kitchen window clearly distressed about something.

"What is it, Liv?"

"I've, um, gotta go. Listen, you sit here and think about what you're going to do and say when you see her. I'll help you through it when I get back. Help yourself to whatever you want, and do not, for whatever reason, do not open the door to anyone."

"Alright," he said, sitting back down at the kitchen table.

"You understand me, _not for anyone_." She said sternly.

"Alright, alright, I heard you the first time," he said, waving her away as he put his head in his hands, trying to rid himself of the headache that was brewing, his hangover at last beginning to take real shape.

"I'll, uh, I'll see you later," she said quickly leaving the kitchen and soon Remus could hear the front door closing. _What had her in such a state_, he wondered as he looked over to the still half eaten plates of food. Picking at them, he thought about what he should say, what he could do to make amends, but what was there left to say? He had said every horrible disgusting thought that had been poisoning his mind for weeks and let her have it all in one terrible blow. Remus decided that this was a matter that needed delicate thought and precision. He shouldn't just go rushing back into her arms and cry and say what a fool he had been. He had already done that when he came crawling back to her after Dumbledore's death. She would be expecting that. No, this required something with a little more finesse, something to really prove to her how sorry he really was, how much he did not mean all those hateful words.

But was he sorry? Was he truly sorry for saying what had been on his mind?

He didn't know, he was properly confused, a feeling Remus was not accustom to, nor did he very much care for it. If there was a puzzle that needed solving, Remus knew there always had to be an answer, and he hated not finding out what it was. Thinking perhaps sleep would help not only his sore head, but perhaps give him some new insight, he headed back upstairs.

No sooner had his mind began its descent into dreamless sleep did he hear a pounding on the front door. Ignoring it, as he had been instructed to do, and tried once more to drift off to sleep. But the pounding would not cease, and fearing it would wake Lavinia's sleeping mother, he begrudgingly walked back downstairs, his wand at the ready. As he cautiously approached the door, the knocking stopped, and Remus lowered his guard, thinking the person trying to gain entry had given up. He waited a few more moments to make sure it had really stopped, but nothing else happened. He turned around to make his way back upstairs but the front door opened with supernatural force, rattling the doorframe. Remus had barely a glance of the intruder before something with serious weight hit him over the head. Swirling darkness was taking its hold over him and he could no longer remain conscious.

But he was brought abruptly back to life by the stinging sensation of someone, or something, slapping him across the face.

Remus was disorientated; he had no idea where he was, or why it felt as though the world was spinning unnaturally. The room he was in- or was it a room? – was very poorly lit making it hard to tell exactly his location, or even if he was alone. Feeling a slight stinging sensation in his wrists, he suddenly realized that his hands had been forcibly tied behind his back, and could feel a trickle of blood running down from his temple where he had been hit.

Finally, he realized he wasn't in a room… he was in a _cave_.

Coming around to the realization he was in serious danger, Remus began to panic, his breathing becoming labored, wriggling madly to try and free himself, but only had the effect of binding the ropes tighter, digging themselves further into his wrists.

From somewhere inside the dim cave, a cruel, low voice was laughing over his struggle. It was then he heard a voice he had not heard in months, a voice he heard in his darkest, most desperate nightmares.

"Welcome back, Lupin."

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><p>an: eek! remus is caught, and he hasn't had the chance to tell tonks how sorry he really is, and lavinia seems to be at fault (she seemed so nice, didn't she?)... what is going to happen next?! you'll just have to wait and find out!

this chapter was a bit of backstory to lavinia's life, because she is one of my more favorite ocs so i hope you were able to bare with me while i indulged a little, but really setting the stage for what is going to happen in the next chapter.

thank you so much for all the positive feedback for the work, and i am making a solemn vow not to let this story sit idle on my laptop for as long as i have in the past. it is your encouragement that really helps to keep me going, so please, click the review button below and let me know what you think!


	23. Darker Than Black

**a/n: **the usual disclaimer, i'm not j.k. rowling, nor am i the head of warner brothers, and therefore these character (apart from the ones i have invented) do not belong to me. no copyright infridgment is intended. M rating for adult situations (and themes), language and mild violence. there is not too much dialogue in this chapter, but important clues, so stick with it and as ever, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Three: Darker Than Black<strong>

The hot, putrid smell emanating from the monster's breath was causing Remus to lose all focus and control. He could concentrate on nothing, nothing except the horrid smell: that of decaying flesh and new blood. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes, but having his arms bound behind his back, he could not wipe them away.

"Weeping are we, Lupin?" Greyback teased. Even in the dimly lit cave, Remus could see each yellowing and gnarled tooth staring back at him.

He turned away, trying desperately to escape the smell which grew in strength with each exhale the creature took.

"I hate to see you bound like this, as you know how I feel about animals held in captivity. But we wouldn't want you leaving us to return to that pretty little bird of yours. You know, that pink haired bitch you married." The shadow of a man continued to circle him, like a predator toying with its prey.

Remus' heart skipped a beat. _Nymphadora_. Apparently, the fear had crept into his face because Greyback chuckled low and sinisterly.

"Why so pale, Lupin? Oh yes, we know all about your colorful companion and how you have tried to assimilate yourself back with the wizards. I must say I was very… _upset_ to find out that you had not wanted to remain with the pack, with your family. That you had, instead, returned to those who have kept you oppressed; those who have made you feel as though you are the lowest creature on earth. And I know, too, how you've wanted to turn against me, been working against us and the Dark Lord. But perhaps that bitch of yours will give you some pups who'll make up for their father's terrible mistake." He took a pause to let the realization sink in. Remus felt as though he might vomit. Leaning in close so that Remus could feel the repulsive heat from his breath, Greyback said slow and clear, "Where do your loyalties lie, Lupin?"

_Softly, he touched the silken strands of her long pale pink hair, letting the ends curl around his fingers, while the bright morning sun bathed her milky white skin in its golden rays. He watched her chest rise and fall, her mouth slightly opened releasing each exhale. Remus loved to watch her sleep, so tranquil and undisturbed. He kissed her gently on the forehead, causing her eyes to flutter open. She looked around for a moment, blinking back the sunlight, confused about what had disturbed her slumber. But she smiled seeing Remus' face so close to hers. _

"_Good morning," she said sleepily, stretching her arms above her head. _

"_Morning," he said in response. He loved the way she looked in the morning, her hair slightly disheveled, her pupils wide from sleep, her face at ease with the world._

"_You really must stop doing that you know," she said. _

"_Stop doing what?"_

"_Stop watching me sleep. I'm no good to you when I'm unconscious." She said with a very wolfish grin._

Remus longed to say defiantly, "With the wizards! With those who have accepted me for who I am! With Nymphadora!" But he knew better. Such defiance would only arouse Greyback's vicious temper.

Except silence was not what Greyback wanted to hear. Lashing out, he swiftly hit Remus across the face, his long black nails tearing the skin near Remus' mouth. He felt the warm trickle of blood slide so delicately into the corner of his pursed lips.

"I said, Lupin, where do your loyalties lie?" Greyback's voice was no longer the low, almost humorous tone it was before. It turned, instead, into an icy and bitter bark, that made the dark cave echo with its harsh tone.

"Not with you, Fenrir, if that is what you're asking," Remus said evenly, turning to stare Greyback in the eyes. _Slap_! The stinging of Greyback's hand across the other side of his face made Remus' eyes water even more. Yet, the will to show Greyback he was not weak was so powerful, he forced himself not to shed a single tear. Instead, he fixed his gaze directly into the monster's eyes, starring down the man who could very easily end his life in a matter of moments.

"You fool. Why would you turn your back on your pack leader? To turn against the creature that gave you your gift? You dare to leave us, just as we were to take power and reclaim what is rightfully ours! Did you think that we would just let you go so easily? I'm afraid, Lupin, that once you've become a member of the pack, you will always be part of the pack. You will live with the pack and you will _die_ with the pack. Even if your joining us was only to spy for that filthy man Dumbledore, you are still a pack member, still of our blood."

"The only connection I have to this pack is the monster standing in front of me."

Greyback's cruel laughter rang in Remus' ears. "Monster am I? Yes, I would say I am a monster: haunting children's nightmares, preying on the fears of every witch and wizard who know of me."

_His mother was crying. Remus had never seen his mother cry so much. It scared him to see her so upset, and so angry with his father. She was holding him in her lap, gently rocking him back and forth in the old rocking chair that had not been used since his infancy. _

"_Mum, I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt," Remus said, indicting the bite mark on his arm. He pushed on the pink and swollen area showing that he felt no more pain. "See?" His encounter with a wild animal the month previous had left his entire family in disarray and panic. Remus could not see what the big deal was. Sure, the experience was terrifying, but he knew that the animal was probably just acting out of self-defense. His mother, however, was not taking the matter so lightheartedly. _

"_I know, sweetheart, I know. You're such a brave little boy for coming face to face with that horrible beastie. And you have been so good and patient, letting mummy and daddy take you to all those Healers. Remus, you know I love you, right? And that I would never do anything to hurt you?" _

"_I know, mum," Remus said in an exasperated voice. He had been hearing that his parents loved him a lot over the course of the month that it was starting to lose its meaning and wear thin._

"_Now, I want you to get into bed." His mother said gently, stroking the top of his hair. _

"_But mum! The sun has barely started to set! It's so early!" Remus protested._

"_Remus John Lupin, you'll do as I say." His mother said sternly. Rather than protest, Remus knew that he could just leave the comfort of his bed to read his new book by the light of his lamp. So, he climbed into bed and let his mother tuck him in, her tears starting to increase in their flow. _

"_You're a good boy, my Remus," she said kissing him firmly on the top of his head, her tears running down Remus' own cheeks. "Goodnight, my love," she said leaving Remus to wonder why she should be so sad, or why she had locked his door. _

"Tell me, Lupin, have you ever had that kind of power before? The thrill you get when those around you shudder at your mere presence?" He gave a snort of laughter. "No, you're much too weak and subservient to ever experience that kind of power. You were always a disappointment to the pack while you were here. Even the females held more power than you did."

"Sometimes we keep our full potential to ourselves, Fenrir. We don't need it shared among the masses."

"Again you disappoint me with your thoughts of individualism. Did you learn nothing during your time here? With your family?"

"I learned to appreciate the life I had with wizards, with the _humans_, and how I do not have to hide in caves like the dark creatures you are."

Strong muscular hands wrapped around Remus' thin neck. He could feel each nail dig deep into his skin, breaking the tender flesh so that the smell of his own blood mixed with the scent on the air. Slowly, with increasing power, Remus could feel no more air pass down into his lungs. He tried to wriggle free, but Greyback's strength was too much for him, black nails anchored deep into the sides of Remus' neck. Gasping, his mind beginning to go numb, all thoughts of defiance or courage gone, Remus began to accept his fate. He was going to die. Here, at the hands of the creature that gave him his curse.

"I could do it, you know, I could kill you, right now," Greyback hissed in his ear, applying a little more pressure to his airway. "But why kill a creature in its prime?" Greyback released his hands from Remus' neck, licking Remus' blood off his fingers, clearly enjoying its taste. Remus gasped, gulping down life giving oxygen, filling his lungs to capacity, thankful he had not blacked out. "You've done a terrible thing, Lupin, turning your back on your own kind. But there is no reason to destroy your life… _yet_. Especially since I can use you, now, when we are at the height of our power. The Dark Lord has promised us many things, Lupin, one of them being the tender flesh of children. I'm sure you would love to sink your teeth into some of your old students, eh, professor?"

"Never," he said breathlessly, his voice hoarse from the violent assault it had so recently endured.

"I thought you might say that, but we'll see how long you want to remain defiant after spending some time in the pit." Remus felt himself pale, could physically feel the blood drain away as his face, his heart started to race in panic, the smell of his andrenaline mixing with the scent of blood and filth. Greyback laughed, seeing the terror creeping across Remus' face. "Did I say something to upset you, Lupin? Not so brave when faced with a hole in the ground. You know, perhaps I _should_ just kill you now. How useful is a male who is scared of the dark?"

"Kill me then," Remus croaked, his will to live waning with the prospect of spending time with no one but his own maddening thoughts. "If I'm no use to you, kill me. I don't have anything to live for." It was true. Without Nymphadora, he had no one, _he_ was no one.

"Had a spat with the misses have you?" Greyback sneered. "Did she see what a neutered male you are?"

"She knew she could do better." Remus said sadly.

"Hmm, I don't take kindly to people assuming superiority over us. Perhaps she should be the one to spend time in the pit."

Remus, if possible, paled even more, his stomach lurching over the thought of Greyback putting Tonks in the pit. "S-she, she never said she could do better. I know she could, not because of what I am, but because of how I've hurt her."

"Ah, so it was a spat." Greyback said, his malicious eyes looking over Remus. "Something you're not telling me, Lupin?"

"Nothing," he said confidently, trying to mask his growing fear of Greyback learning the truth of Nymphadora's condition.

"I think there is," Greyback said, his eyes narrowing. "You know how I hate liars, Lupin. But I think spending some time in the pit should make you see sense. When you're ready to tell me everything, you may leave. Until then, welcome home."

Greyback left him, barking out for Lennox to move Lupin. Lennox, a huge man, with biceps the size of Remus' head, was expressionless as he picked Remus up and threw him over his shoulder as though he were nothing more than a sack of flour. He carried him as he walked further into the recesses of the caves; Remus watching as pack members stared at him, expressions of glee or terror on their faces. They knew where he was headed, knew what awaited him, and whether they approved or not of the spying Remus had done, they all held some pity for him. Darker and darker the light was becoming, until it was the faintest pinprick from where the majority of the pack resided. But even then, that tiny flicker of light disappeared as they reached the densest, most impenetrable blackness. Lennox, still not saying a word, removed Remus from his shoulder. Remus could not see three inches in front of his face, his hands still bound, could not reach out to see even if Lennox was still there.

"Please," Remus pleaded, sounding like a scared child of three, "please, don't put me in there!"

"In you go," said a cruel baritone voice and Remus felt large strong hands give him the smallest of pushes before he had the sensation of falling.

_Ten feet or more_ was how Lavinia and Remus had described the depth of the pit to Nymphadora that night in the pub. But as Remus was falling, seeing nothing, hearing only air rush past his ears, it felt more like miles, his mind trying to comprehend all that was happening. But just as quickly as he was pushed, he hit solid ground, landing awkwardly on his legs, and heard the unmistakable _crack_ of a bone shattering, reverberating through the depths of darkness. Crying out in pain, Remus tried to stand, but found it was his left ankle that had shattered and quickly collapse again causing even more gruesome pain to shoot through every nerve in his body. He needed his wand, he could bandage, even repair a broken bone. But leaving it like this, all mangled and swelling rapidly, could cause serious damage if not properly treated. He could not even feel to see how severe the break was because his hands were still tied tightly behind his back. Sitting down, legs straight out in front of him, he could not even rest his back against the walls, as he could not see where they were. He could not even calculate the diameter of the hole he was now to live in, could not see where the edges where, where he was to find the little trickle of water given to prisoners, could not know which side to consistently relieve himself. Everything was pure blackness, a dark abyss where nothing but agony lived.

He didn't know how long he sat there crying, screaming in pain, yelling, begging, pleading for someone to help. He knew it was all in vain. Even if someone did look kindly on him, they'd never hear his cries for help being this far removed. Nor would they risk Greyback's wrath if they were caught helping someone who was being punished.

Had it been hours? Or was it merely minutes? He had no sense of time, no sense of direction. When everything was darker than black you lost all sense of self-awareness.

No longer crying, his eyes heavy and swollen, his head lolled onto his chest, he fell into a quick doze, before waking himself, his body instinctively reacting to the compression on his windpipe when left in this position. Remus laid his weary body down on the ground, resting his ear into the dirt, his tears and blood mingling together into the soil.

Darkness was what awaited Remus when he woke; utter and complete darkness, pressing heavily on all his senses. He didn't know how long he had slept, didn't know if it had been hours or days. He could not tell if it was day or night, could not tell if someone was up at the top watching him in his misery. Instead of fighting, of crying out again, he rolled his body over and slept again.

Darkness.

Remus could have had his eyelids closed or open and it wouldn't make any difference. Even now, he could still be sleeping, having a rather disturbing dream, and he would never know the nightmare from the reality. Everything was black.

His ankle throbbing painfully, his body sore from sleeping on the hard ground, his arms feeling numb from being held behind his back for so long, he sat up. He needed to free his hands; he wouldn't be able to do anything without them. Wriggling, he tried to slip his hands free from the tight ropes, but it was no use. He was bound too tightly.

He tried calling out again for help, his voice still hoarse from his screaming earlier. Getting to his knees, carefully trying to avoid moving his ankle as he shuffled around, trying to find the walls around him. It didn't take long before he bumped into hard dirt, some flaking off, falling into his face. He sputtered, blinking the dirt from his eyes, as he turned his body sideways to try and feel with the hands behind his back the walls, hoping to find an exposed root or a rock, something to try and help him free his hands from the binding. In his search he found the trickle of water that flowed freely from the ground, given to the occupants as Greyback's one measure of humane treatment. Finally, he felt an exposed rock, and he knew it would be sharp enough to cut through his bindings. Furiously working the cords against the rock, he slipped and sliced open part of his hand, soil and sediments quickly finding its way inside the freshly exposed wound, making it sting even more than it did. But the pain in his hand was nothing to the pain in his ankle, which still continued to spike with hot, radiating pain, poisoning every nerve with anguish. Stifling his cries, he began once more to free himself. Because he did not have any sense of time, Remus did not know how long he had been working at it, but finally, limbs sore, his hands wet and sticky with blood, he heard the cords coming loose, allowing Remus to free his hands from their capturers. Massaging his wrists, he silently thanked every deity he could think of for giving him back the use of his hands. He was now able to assess the damage to his ankle. Tenderly, he ran his fingers down his left leg to touch the fractured area, but even this slightest touch was painful. It had already swollen to the size of a large grapefruit, but Remus could feel there were no exposed bones. Leaning his back against the dirt wall, he took a moment to breath, to try and focus all his attention on a healing spell. Complicated and advanced magic such as healing required a great deal of magical skill even with a wand, and to attempt one without the use of one could be potentially lethal. Summoning every ounce of concentration and strength he possessed, he placed both hands around his swollen ankle and thought about the spell he hoped to achieve. Remus could feel a slight vibration from his fingertips traveling into his injured limb, but nothing was achieved besides the feeling of his own incompetence. His ankle was still stubbornly broken.

Remus tried summoning a ball of light, like the Bluebell Flames he was able to produce so easily, but even they seemed to be beyond his grasp now. Perhaps Greyback had enchanted the pit so that no magic could be used inside it, he didn't know. But it was, no doubt, due to his fractured body and spirit that kept him from performing wandless magic. He needed to do something about his ankle, anything to help with the swelling and pain. Thinking perhaps the best thing he could do was wrap it, he took off Titus Sanders' flannel shirt, tearing off the lower half to use as a wrap. Gingerly, he wrapped his ankle as tightly as he dared, wincing, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. The effect was immediate; the broken bone felt better having the added support of something holding it together. It certainly stung, and walking on it was pointless as he simply could not support his weight with it, but it was better than having nothing at all. With this taken care of as much as it was going to be without the use of his wand, Remus leaned back into the dirt wall, closing his eyes. While tearing off more of the flannel shirt to wrap around his injured hand he began to think over his situation.

How did Greyback know he was in Lavinia's home? How had it been that easy to find him? Someone was behind this, a betrayal by someone and there was only one person it could have been: Lavinia.

Just when he had begun to trust her again, just has he had been glad to have her back as a friend, he had turned his back for one moment and she preys upon his vulnerability. Who was it that she was in such a rush to see that morning? Was it in fact Greyback, letting him know that Remus was safely inside, ready for the capturing? Remus was fuming, wanting to punch or hurt something, to wring her little neck. How could he have ever felt any sympathy for her? She had shown her true colors in her moments of drunkenness, why did Remus think it would be so easy for her to become the woman he had befriended last year? He trusted too easily, that was his problem, he trusted and loved too easily and it always had a way of coming back to haunt him. He had fallen too quickly in love with Nymphadora, and how she was pregnant with his demon child, an outcast, surely in grave danger. He had befriended Liv and Caliban and Thaliard and where were they when he needed them?

_Lavinia_.

He would kill her the next chance he ever got, she did not deserve to live, and if she ever went after Nymphadora…

_Nymphadora_, he thought with a groan, hitting his head again and again on the dirt wall, crumbling away more soil into his hair and face, but he hardly seemed to notice. She would surely go after Tonks next, was that why she was so eager for Remus to go back to her? So she could follow him, lead her right to Nymphadora's location and take them all out in one foul swoop? He was a fool, a complete and utter fool. Why did he not stick to his beliefs? Why did he not hold true to his mantra of too old, too poor, too dangerous? Why had he allowed himself that small glimmer of happiness? It only made this betrayal and his realization that he would never have anything he might want- a life, a future, a family with her- hurt even more than the first time he had to let her go.

He was going to kill Lavinia; he had made the vow to himself. When he got out of this pit, he would hunt her down, and kill her; kill her before she ever got the chance to kill Nymphadora. Was she really that damaged that she had to take everything out on him? Had Greyback's cruelty towards her finally achieved the desired brainwashing affect so she saw Remus only as a monster who tried so desperately to be a man? What had he ever done to her to make her want to take such revenge on him?

"HELP! PLEASE, I'M READY TO CONFESS!" He screamed, his voice cracking under the weight of its desperation, hoping for someone, anyone, to hear him, for someone to take mercy on him. But he knew this to be a futile attempt as no one was going to be prevailed upon to come any closer to the pit than what was strictly necessary. No one could hear him; he was completely and utterly alone, just as he always was, just as he always will be. His will to live was waning with each painful throb from his ankle, with each trickle of dirt in his eyes, with each realization that his life was not worth the destruction it was constantly causing. He turned his attention to the remaining part of the flannel shirt in his hands. He could try and do it, but where? There was nowhere to hang from and the fabric was too flimsy; it wouldn't support the hanging of his body, or could it?

_No! _He thought aggressively, throwing the top half of the flannel shirt away from him. No, this was not where he was supposed to die, this was neither the time nor the place, and he would be damned if he would take his own life before having his revenge on Greyback and Lavinia.

It was this simple thought, this vengeful impulse, which kept Remus going, making his once waning will to live stronger, amplified in its sincerity. All time was lost to him, yet he spent countless hours formulating plan after plan about finding a way out of this pit and obtaining his goal of returning back to the safety of the wizarding world. He did not think immediately of returning to Tonks, thinking her anger at him would need a few days to cool, and he thought with despair, she might not ever want him back. No, he would stay at the cottage or perhaps take refuge with Kingsley and assess the situation before making any move toward reconciliation.

Even with thoughts of revenge to occupy his wandering mind, there was no escaping the physical hunger that was now gnawing aggressively at his insides. The little sense he had of the world around him began to grow clumsy as dehydration set in, and the pain from his ankle made every move he took that much more labored and painful. After a long, torturous journey in which Remus was convinced he had crawled for a good mile, he eventually found again the stream of water left for the pit's occupants. It was dirty, tepid, and all together unappetizing, but Remus lapped it up like a dog on a hot summer's day. At least it was something, but it did nothing more than to make Remus ill, vomiting from filling his belly too quickly with the polluted liquid. His body knew the feeling of what it was to starve, to not have proper nourishment for months at a time, and quickly switch on its primal instinct for self-preservation and began conserving what little energy he had.

Remus found he slept a good deal of the time. But sleep did not bring the peace he was so desperately craving. It was filled with horrible nightmares, of terrible beasts with yellowing eyes and teeth, and pale figures lying in a bloody heap. There were times when the thought of taking his own life sounded more tempting and a better end than to remain conscious in his dirt hole, to end the agony of wasting away, to end the mental and physical pain. But when he had these hopeless moments he quickly began to make new plans for revenge, or trying to revive his wandless magic. His magic, no doubt due to his body slowly shutting down on him, remained dormant and refused to do little more than create a tingling sensation in his fingertips.

Hours, days, years could have past but Remus did not seem to notice. He had resigned himself to the madness, resigned himself to his fate of potentially dying down here, of never achieving his goals or saying how truly sorry he was to his wife. As much as he tried to keep his thoughts on survival or vengeance, his mind would ultimately stray back to Nymphadora. _What was she doing now_, he wondered, and his mind would create a fantasy world for her, a world unharmed by war, where she and a man, a better man than he could ever be, would have dinner along the Thames, or spend a cozy night at home, or would laugh along with her father at one of his bawdy jokes. He often pictured the man as Charlie Weasley, though his jealousy was still too raw to be entertained by this notion. Was she continuing to work at the Ministry? Was she helping the Order with a mission? Was she happy? Did she even miss him?

_No_, he thought sadly, when sleep would not come, _no, there was no way she would ever miss him_. He curled himself into a tight ball, carefully minding his broken ankle while the gentle trickle of water finally drifted him off to sleep once more.

…

Somewhere in the world, beyond the misery of a man in a dark pit, three people gathered together, away from the prying eyes of their fellows.

"What do we do now that we have him here?" one asked, nervously wringing her hands looking everywhere but at the two men she was with. She had not wanted to come, but the promise of violence and torture against her had swayed the woman into consenting.

"I don't know why he hasn't used his magic yet," said one, his deep voice hinting towards his jealousy at this man's proclivity towards magic.

"He's too weak right now to use any of his power. Even if he did have his wand, it would still prove difficult," said the third, the smirk on his face hinting towards something the other two did not know.

"What are you planning? Why is it so important he remains alive?" asked the second, he seemingly not comprehending what his master had been so carefully planning for months.

"When the time is right, Remus Lupin will provide the key for our glorious revolution. He has abilities I have worked so hard to bring about in myself."

"Why hasn't he used these abilities yet? Why hasn't he shown his true power?" said the woman, still nervously looking around as though at any moment they would be caught.

"Because the poor boy has no idea the potential he has," said the third, his yellowing eyes gleaming as he smiled sickeningly. "He has no idea the kind of horrible beast he could become."

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><p>an: eek! so the plot thickens while poor remus lies abandoned and dying in the pit. you'll have to stay tuned to find out more about his potential for violence. due to reader responses the next chapter will be from tonks' pov, seeing as i have never written as tonks before so it should be something of a challenge :)

thank you SOO MUCH for reviewing my story! it means the sun and the moon and the stars that people are still following along and enjoying this tale! if you'd like to brighten my day even further, please leave a comment by clicking below and telling me what you think! i appreciate any and all critiques!


	24. Renonce à la Lumière

**a/n: **I do not own the Harry Potter universe, therefore the recognizable characters below are not of my creation but that of J.K. Rowling. Those characters that are unfamiliar, however, are the result of my own madness with influences courtesy of Shakespeare. No copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language, and mild violence. So sorry for the delay in this chapter, school/work/life has kept me far too busy and I honestly have no idea where the month of September has gone. As a side note, I made Ted Tonks Christian name Edward (Ted/Teddy can be a nickname for Edward), and I can hear the complaints now. I know its not that way in the books, but I'm taking a little creative license. Italicized chunks of the passage indicate a flashback.

And as always I hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 24: Renonce à la Lumière<strong>

"Tonks, TONKS! Have you been listening to a word I've been saying?"

The sharp voice was materializing somewhere far beyond her conscious thought. She had been daydreaming, _again_, through the morning meeting, which had become a nightmare of lists and deadlines, and the parting of knowledge as to the cruel new laws to enforce. Sometimes it was just better to tune it all out, almost as though not acknowledging it would make the new reality untrue.

"Sorry, what?" she said, coming out of her reverie and joining once more the mundane reality her life had become. Even with Voldemort seizing control of the Ministry, there was still paperwork to be done, memos to respond, and pamphlets to approve.

"Are you good for joining Williamson?" Robards said, looking down on her as though she were a child of five, caught doing something naughty, yet again.

"For what?" Tonks asked again, completely unaware of any part of the meeting she had sat through.

"Bringing in the new list of questionable Muggleborns," Robards said with a sigh.

"Sure, sure," she said, noncommittally, waving her hand in the air as though Robards question were nothing more than an annoying fly. "Just tell me where and when, and I'll get on it."

"No more warning the families ahead of time," Robards said, not only staring at Tonks but to other members of the Auror Department as well. "I know some of us might not agree with the some of the new measures, but we are still a branch of the law enforcement, and damn it, I'm not going to give Thicknesse any reason to shut us down. Anyway, I think that just about covers everything, you're all dismissed, except you, Tonks, I'd like a word."

Tonks groaned, catching the eye of Kingsley Shacklebolt, who gave her an unsympathetic, "you should have paid more attention" look. She stuck out her tongue playfully, and he returned her a rare smile. Kingsley was not the only one looking grave these days, a constant frown on his once placid face was a sign of the times they were living in. Everyone seemed to walk around with faces of fear or dread that death was following them at every turn should they not be looking.

"This is the third time I have caught you unfocused during the morning meeting, Tonks," Robards said sternly. "Everyone told me not to take you back, I had Thicknesse nearly screaming in my face that we don't need a member of the Department with such a dodgy background. But I brought you back-"

"-Because you needed more enforcement in the field," Tonks said trying her best not to roll her eyes that he in some way was helping her out. After she had been suspended from her job due to the question of her marriage to Remus, Tonks was certainly eager to get back to work. She needed something to occupy her, to keep her away from the downward spiral her life had become. However, she spent more time at her desk than in the field, and when she was outside the walls of the Ministry, it took everything she had not cry, vomit or want to nap while on duty. She still had not told anyone of her pregnancy, and it took her parents over hearing the screaming match in the room next door to find out about her condition. Needless to say, her mum was not pleased and her dad remained aloof to the point of unconcerned.

"Because you're a damn good Auror, and we need you. Especially with your abilities."

"Robards, I don't know what reason you brought me back, but it certainly wasn't because of my being a metamorphmagus. I've been stuck behind my desk for the past week!"

"We need to keep up appearances," Robards said keeping his voice low and grabbing her sharply by the crook of the arm, not unlike what her mother used to do to her as a child. "I could get sacked for keeping you on like this. I have half the Department asking for your resignation because of that _thing_ you allegedly married."

Tonks bit her tongue so hard that she punctured the delicate skin, the copper taste of blood now filling her mouth. She had been hearing that a lot lately, that Remus was not a man, but a _thing_, a creature, a monster, and she was no better because of the love she harbored for him. In the beginning she was quick to defend what they had, but after their fight, well, she simply found it better to keep her mouth shut, as hard as it was.

"And with you being a known member of the Order of the Phoenix, a group that has dedicated decades to bringing down You-Know-Who, there is no reason you should even be in this office, let alone sitting behind that desk. But I'm going to give you a 'trial run'. Help Williamson bring in some of the names on the list and prove to the Department, and to me, that you are a loyal member of the Ministry, even-" Robards said raising a hand to silence her as she was about to protest, "even if your loyalties truly lie elsewhere. Alright?"

"Fine," she spat. She hated all this double dealing and acting as though everything was still sunshine and rainbows, as though nothing had happened, as though the new statue in the atrium pronouncing, "Magic is Might" had always been a part of their lives. But with the smooth takeover, the seamless transition of power, many still believed it was business as usual. There had been a few raised eyebrows over the Muggleborn Registration Law, but all seemed keen on keeping their mouths shut, deluding themselves into thinking it was overly protective measures; no cause for real alarm.

"Good, I actually think you'll find this task to be rather illuminating," Robards said, handing her three sheets of parchment.

"Doubtful," Tonks said, seeing all the names of persons or families written neatly with their last known addresses taking up space on all three sheets. "You want ALL these people?" she said aghast, looking from the length of the list back to Robards as though he were wishing for the moon.

"Eventually, yes, but I know you won't be able to bring them all in one day. Not even Mad-Eye would have been able to manage that."

The mention of Mad-Eye pricked a little piece of her heart that still ached for her mentor's life. His death was so sudden, and the events of the past few weeks had given her little time to properly grieve for his loss.

"Right, I'll get to it," she said somberly, heading back for her desk to pack up her bag. The last thing she wanted to do was to track down Muggleborns and Muggleborn families who had done nothing wrong other than being born to two non-magical parents. There was no reason for all of the unnecessary paranoia and hunting down of innocents. She sighed, seeing that Williamson was waiting for her, looking none too pleased at having Tonks for a partner.

"Look," she said roughly, seeing the look of disgust on his face and was simply in no mood to deal with people's unfair prejudices for another day. "Why don't I take half of this list and you take the other, deal? That way we can accomplish more without having to interact with one another."

"Sounds just fine to me," Williamson said stiffly, holding out a hand to receive his half of the list.

She gave him the top half and tore the second page in two. But as she began handing over the bottom part of this second page, something caught her eye, a name, making her retract her hand. She instead handed him the top half, giving him a fake smile.

"Off you go," she said with false sweetness.

Williamson walked away, shaking his head as he said under his breath, "Freak."

"Arsehole," Tonks said in that same low tone, watching Williamson leave the office. She quickly glanced down to see if what had initially caught her eye was true. She let out a small groan as she saw printed boldly on the torn piece of parchment: "**EDWARD MICHAEL TONKS- MUGGLEBORN**". She looked around quickly hoping no one else saw her father's name on this list. But everyone else was busy with their own assignments and paying no attention to the pure dread coursing through her veins. She felt like she might get sick, and knowing the delicate nature her stomach had become, quickly rushed away from the chaos of the Auror Department and towards the loos. Thankfully, the usual line at the ladies was nonexistent, and hurriedly made her way into a stall. Sitting down on the seat, she put her head in her hands, not really wanting to believe all that had happened over the past week. She felt as though she needed to cry, to release some of this terrible burden she had been holding onto. Her husband had left, and she had no idea where he was, if he was safe, or if he was ever coming back. Her parents were not currently speaking to her, though their love for her allowed her safe haven in their home. And she could not tell her friends about the child she carried for fear of their smart remarks or disgust in having conceived the child of a werewolf. She knew her closest friends, like Kingsley or Charlie, wouldn't judge and might even be happy for her, but how could she explain that the child's father had left with no guarantee of returning? Pile on the seemingly endless bouts of morning sickness, the stress from the Ministry and her job, as well as the unstable nature of the Order, made for the very last thing she needed was the Ministry taking away her own father. Her father, who had once been her only champion, but now, stayed longer at work, and at home he would disappear into his private room. Tonks hardly ever saw him anymore, and she suspected it was because he could not accept his daughter was pregnant with what had the potential of being a monster. She knew that this might be extreme in her thinking, as he had been the only one from her family who had attended her wedding; but now, he hardly even acknowledged her.

She gathered up a bit of toilet tissue to dab at her eyes and blow her nose. Immediately after Remus had left she had been too angry to really have a good cry. She had paced her room like a caged animal, screaming at the top of her lungs obscenities she knew her mother would never accept as suitable language for a proper young lady. But she didn't care. She needed to rage against everyone and everything around her, to let go of some of the frustration she had been feeling for so long caused mostly by their relationship. It had taken her mother coming in, wrapping her arms around her flailing daughter before Tonks had calmed down. It was then she started to cry; cry as though she never had before, nor ever would again. It was the first time, too, her mother had been there to comfort her, to stroke her hair, to ease some of her suffering in a way only a mother could do. Unfortunately, this was the last kind gesture Andromeda would do, because in the morning, Tonks found her mother silently making breakfast, handing her a plate of eggs and toast before leaving for work without a word, and had not spoken to her daughter since. Tonks knew her parents were behaving foolishly, knew that this silent treatment stemmed from not being able to understand her love for Remus, nor coming to terms with a potential werewolf for a grandchild. But still, she could not help but to feel rejected and unloved as all the three of them moved silently through the house like ghosts.

Tonks aggressively tore away some more tissue to blow her nose, stubbornly trying to hold back the tears.

Remus.

This all boiled down to Remus. His moody ways, his inability to tell her the truth, the distance she knew he had started putting between them were all things that made Tonks feel as though their fight had been a long time in coming. She was no fool; she could see that he did not want this child, she could see the hurt and guilt in her being suspended from the Ministry, or the way her supposed 'friends' had turned their back on her. But in spite of the obvious disconnect, she kept saying to herself, _It will all be fine, he'll come around, just give him some time_. She knew him to be a man of logic and learning, and knew that he needed time to process before he would act. But there was no escaping the words that came tumbling out of his mouth, words that cut her deeper than anything he had ever said to her, because it was not only his dismissal of their relationship, but of the child she had grown so fiercely protective of since the short time of its discovery.

So, truth be told, Tonks was glad for a day or two of Remus' absence. She had needed that time to think, to take a serious look at her life, and how she was to continue on. After the third day of his nonexistence, she had hoped his hesitation in returning came the shame in what he had admitted to, that he was giving her the space she needed. However, with each day that had since past, Tonks began to fear that he would never return, and the thought of raising his child alone made her wish he had simply stayed in his misery, keeping his mouth shut, while she continued in her attempts at his acceptance and potential happiness. But could she honestly have continued to live with his closed off attitude and aloof demeanor?

"How did this happen to me?" she said aloud, as though the toilet stall would give her sage advice. But no one answered, nor did she receive some magical message from Merlin above as to what to do or where to go. Fiercely wiping the tears from her eyes, she made herself put on her brave, I-don't-give-a-damn face and left the loo, determined to complete the task Robards had given her. She would be damned if some man was going to make her feel this way.

_Again_.

She shook her head to clear the thoughts reminding herself that he had left her once, no wonder it was so easy for him to do it again.

"_We can't continue this any longer, Nymphadora," he said, looking anywhere but her eyes. He could not stay still while he said these words, fidgeting, playing with the hem of his shirt like a child. _

"_Continue with what, exactly?" she said, trying to play dumb, but he could always see right through her. _

"_With this," gesturing to the space between them, "with our relationship." He still had not given her the courtesy to look at her as he tried to break things off. _

"_Why can't we?" she demanded, not buying one ounce of his pronouncement. She had enough experience in the field to know when someone was not being honest with her. _

"_Because, with the assignment Dumbledore has given me, I'll be living underground, and more than that, I'm much too old for you. I was friends with your mother's cousin… With…" but saying Sirius' name proved too difficult for Remus, and Tonks, feeling his grief, moved forward to comfort him. But he threw his arms in the air, backing away from her touch, closing his eyes as though her closeness was simply too painful. He took a deep breath, opening this eyes. "I'm thirteen years older than you." He said quietly as he lowered his hands once more. _

"_Age is just a number, Remus," she retorted, quoting the old and overused cliché. _

"_That may be true, but I cannot provide for you if we were to continue with this relationship. I could not give you the life you deserved. I have no money." _

"_I have plenty for the both of us!" she said incredulously, thinking this to be one of his more ludicrous reasons for breaking things off. _

"_And there is absolutely no excusing the most horrific aspect of my life. I am a _werewolf_, Nymphadora. I am a dangerous creature with the potential of killing you, or worse, infecting you." _

"_But you take every precaution, Remus. Not once have I ever felt unsafe with you or that my life was in danger." _

"_But there is always the potential, and it only takes one slip and I could ruin your life forever." _

"_Why would you think that way? Why do you always have to go to these worse case scenarios? And why didn't you have these objections when we first slept together?" _

"_Because that was then, when I was deluding myself into thinking that it would ever work between us. But now I have to face the harsh truths of reality and become what I was always was. A monster." _

"_You are the furthest thing from a monster, Remus." _

"_You don't know me, Nymphadora, you don't know the beast I become, or the physical pain I could do to you." _

"_But you would never do that, Remus," she protested, stamping her foot like a child of five not getting her way. "You've been staying at Grimmauld Place, and-" but it was the mention of Grimmauld Place and by default Sirius that made her stop. The pain in her side from the curse Bellatrix had so recently hurled upon her was still tender, and at the hint of Sirius, it began to sting even more. "If this is about, Sirius," she continued bravely on, emotion causing a tremble in her voice she was not used to, "if this is about his death, and your subconscious need to make sure I'm safe, well that's just pure troll shit." _

"_Nymphadora, this is about what is best for you, and frankly, there is nothing worse than having a werewolf for a companion." _

"_And that's it? That's why you're breaking up with me, because you're not a 'suitable companion'? Don't I get a say in what I find suitable?" _

"_It's more than that, its… I'm too old, and too poor, and too dangerous, and… I don't feel the same way about you anymore, Nymphadora. I don't love you in the way you love me, and it's not fair to string you along like this." _

"_You're just saying that. You're just saying these things so you think I'll be the one to get all upset and leave. But I'm not going to make it that easy for you." _

"_I'm saying it because I don't love you, Nymphadora," he said firmly, and Tonks thought she saw truth flicker in his eyes. "I'm saying it because I can no longer try and force myself to making you believe that this was anything other than lust." _

He had promised her though, promised her and made a vow that he would never leave her again, and Tonks held onto the hope that perhaps it was just taking him this long to cool off, to come to his senses, to gather his apology. She even thought briefly that perhaps it was not cowardice that kept him away but some other greater force outside of his control. Perhaps he had found Harry, Hermione and Ron and was helping them with the ominous task Dumbledore had given to them before his death. But this notion did not sit well with her. If Remus were with the kids, he would have sent word to the Order. No matter how angry or guilty he felt towards her, he would never jeopardize the Order or the safety of Harry Potter.

She shook her head once more to clear her thoughts. No more was she going to think about this, she couldn't, not when she had finally been given a real task to do for the Auror Department. Even with a new mindset of getting a task accomplished and proving to the others in the Department that she belonged here, she could not even begin to think of other Muggleborns while she still saw in her mind's eye her father's name so boldly printed on that list. She thought Robards, in his own way, had given her this assignment, usually a task given to a more junior officer, so that she could warn her father, or aid in his escape. So she gathered up her belongings from her desk and made for home.

She loved her parents' house; loved every inch of perfection her mother had crafted it into. It was originally her Gran's house, but after Granddad died when Tonks was just six, Andromeda and Ted had decided it was best for all to move back in, and it had been their home ever since. She barely remembered the time the three of them all lived in the tiny flat in Lincolnshire, which was closer to the Appleby Arrows Stadium when her father still played Quidditch. Taking a deep, steadying breath she waved away the protective enchantments and walked through the backdoor.

"Mum?" She called out, though she really didn't expect an answer. Even if her mother was still speaking to her, Tonks realized she was most likely working at St. Mungo's. And in this same way too, her father was no doubt at work, and her rushing her to 'save' him was all for naught. So she flopped herself down on the couch, thinking quickly about what she should do next. Deciding, as painful as it would be to see her father leave, it would be best for all if he were to do so immediately. Summoning her Patronus messenger, she sent two silvery wolves out towards her parents' places of work. Seeing the shadow of the wolf, however, threw Tonks into such a state of melancholy that she was forced to remain seated for fear of losing all self-control should she stand up. It wasn't sadness for her father that kept her glued to her seat, but the slow realization that Remus was not coming home. He would have been back by now, would have sent word through Patronus should he have been longer than just a few days. However, it had been over a week since he had left, and Tonks knew in her heart that he would not return.

Eventually, through her fog of new understanding, she could hear the faint _popping_ sound of a wizard Apparating, and knew her one of her parents to have come home at last.

"Dora?" she heard her father call out, his voice full of concern. Soon enough, his round frame came bouncing into view, scooping her up into his arms. "Are you hurt?" he asked, holding her at arm's length to examine her. "What's the matter? What was the message all about?"

"It's not good, dad," she said solemnly and her voice sounded strange, deeper, not like her own. "The Ministry-"

"They're calling in my number," Ted said, finishing Tonks' sentence. He dropped his arms away from her, running a hand through his thinning blonde hair. "I figured as much. This was actually longer than I thought it would take them."

"I only just received the notice today," Tonks said, reality coming into sharper focus from her momentary lapse into depths of sorrow. "Robards gave the assignment to me, I think as one last kindness before he chucks me out."

"Well, I don't know why you went back to the bloody establishment for starters," he said, looking around the house as though to find something important. "Where's your mother?"

"I don't know, I sent her a message as well," Tonks said, and feeling the residual panic from earlier, found herself beginning to pace along with her father. "What are you going to do, dad?"

"I'm gonna leave." He said seriously. "No way am I sticking around this place for the Ministry to come hauling me in, only to be sent to Azkaban."

"Where will you go?" Tonks said, the panic beginning to creep up from the pit of her stomach and into her throat.

"Dunno, maybe hide out with some old teammates for a bit, I dunno." Ted said, moving towards the stairs to make for his bedroom. "Your mum and I had thought they would try and take me, especially with your ties to the Ministry and the Order, so I've had a bag packed with all the essentials for days. I just wish your mum was here, I'm not leaving until I give her a proper goodbye."

"But it's not goodbye forever," Tonks said, watching as her father began double-checking through an enchanted rucksack.

"I don't know, kiddo, it could be for a while, maybe not until after my grandson is born."

Tonks stopped immediately in her pacing to look at her father. This was the first time he had acknowledged the fact she was pregnant and there was something rather final in his pronouncement. "Dad, I.."

"-I should be the one apologizing," he said, holding up a hand, smiling. "I have to say, I've been behaving pretty badly this past week, but this whole Muggleborn thing has had me on edge, and I didn't want to take it out on you and especially not on your mum. You know how touchy she can be."

"I thought you were disappointed in me," Tonks muttered, feeling foolish that she selfishly thought the reason for his distance was because of her. "I thought you and mum were ignoring me because I was pregnant with Remus' child, that you were ashamed, or something."

"No, no, of course not!" He said, and he scooped her up into his arms again, giving her the tight bear-like hugs she always would associate with him. "I'm chuffed to bits about being a granddad! Now, do I think this a bit of an irrational move considering the times we're in? Yes. Am I worried about you and the risk of you carrying a child, who, uh," he looked at her sheepishly not knowing how to continue, "well, who could be a bit _different_? Of course I am! But look at your mum and I. We had you when we were barely out of Hogwarts, no money, scraping by, had a rare metamorphmagus for a daughter, and we could not have been happier." He beamed at his daughter. "I never want you to think your mum and I would ever be disappointed in you, or not be proud of the woman you have become. We are so proud of you, my Dora, and we're excited about this new step you're taking and we will always support you, no matter what. You'll make one hell of a mum, and I will go out and kill You-Know-Who myself if I have to miss even one moment of my grandson's life."

"Dad, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl," she said, feeling foolish as she wiped away a few tears from her eyes. Pregnancy sure did strange things to her emotions.

"It's a boy, I've got a good feeling about it. Your mum thinks it might be a girl, but I think I've got her convinced."

"What does mum have to say about it?" she asked wincing a little.

"Well," Ted said hesitantly, and Tonks knew her mother was probably not as keen to the idea as her dad was. "She's just in a bit of shock is all. She has her concerns, and of course being a Healer, she knows all horrible things that could happen. Not that it will!" He said, seeing the look of dread that had subconsciously crept across Tonks' face. "But that's what she's been doing with her time down at St. Mungo's; looking into the risks, and all the possible outcomes this might have."

"Is that why she's never home?" Tonks said, taken aback by the dedication and love her mother truly had for her. She just wished her mum would show her feelings more than the occasional sentiments.

"Of course it is! She's scared to death for you! I keep telling her it will all turn out for the best, that our Dora knows what she's on about."

"I really hope so, dad, but I'm not so sure," Tonks said, and saying the words aloud made all the fear and anxiety and trepidation she had when finding out she was pregnant come bubbling violently to the surface. "I don't know what I would do if something were to go wrong, if it will have Remus' condition, or even _my_ condition. I love this baby so much already, I don't know how I could cope if…" But she found it hard to continue her train of thought because the prospect of losing a child, losing _their_ child, would be a pain she could never endure. Tonks never really had serious thoughts of motherhood, had told her friends growing up that she would be happy to never have children, simply be the cool 'aunt' to other people's children. But now finding herself pregnant, she could not think of a life without a child in it, especially Remus' child. "And there's Remus," she said letting out a shuttering sigh.

"He'll come around." Ted said, nodding his head in good faith. "That man has so much love for you, but he's just scared, same as you. Unfortunately, the bastard has done a piss poor job of handling it."

"Yeah, but dad, you don't know the fight we had," she said solemnly.

"Sweetheart, I think the neighbors down the street heard the fight you two had." Ted said chuckling a little. "He was a complete and proper ass that night; I wanted to go after the git myself and tear him limb to limb for the things he said to you."

"Dad!"

"But your mother talked me down. Said the two of you needed to sort this on your own. She's not very happy with him either; so don't expect a warm welcome when he does come back, tail between his legs. Werewolves have tails, right?"

"Dad," she groaned, rolling her eyes.

"But don't you worry. The last thing I need is my daughter to worry," Ted said.

"How can I not worry?! You're going into hiding to avoid this new mandate from the Ministry, mum is probably going to be a complete mess without you, and I'm going to be having a half-werewolf half-metamorphmagus child with a husband who seems to have completely run off; I think that is a pretty tall order having me not worry."

"It will all work itself out," Ted said again, but Tonks could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"Oh, dad," she said, holding on tightly to her father, as though he held the secret to relieving some of the pain and burden she had been holding onto. "Can't we hide you here? Somewhere close?"

"Dora," he said kindly, stroking her hair. "I would never want to put you and your mum in danger by selfishly keeping myself here. You would be harboring a fugitive which would be punishable by law, you know that."

"But there are so many concealment charms, and things we could do, we don't even have to stay in this house. We could go back to Lincolnshire, just like the old days." She pleaded with him, but she knew it was of no use. What better way for the Ministry to punish one of its employees than by hunting down their family? Wasn't this the same tactic Greyback always used? It was one thing to be the target of injury, but a separate one entirely when those you loved were harmed as a result of your own folly.

"Dora, they would never stop. This is a new world order, one without Muggles or Muggleborns. Thank Merlin you have that streak of Black blood in your veins. Even with your mother's banishment I think they might have a little more leniency in taking her life, or your own."

"Doubtful," she said, thinking back to her aunt Bellatrix and her psychotic desire to "prune" them both from the family tree.

"Well, let me hold onto my delusions, because I'm going to be worried sick about the pair of you left alone in this house together."

"Yeah, I don't think you need to worry about Death Eaters or the Ministry, dad. I think you need to worry about mum and I killing each other before the war is over." Tonks groaned. She had not thought about the prospect of only having her mother as company until Remus, if he ever, came home. Perhaps she would move back into the cottage, or see if the people letting her flat in London might move out early.

"You'll do fine, just give her time with the pregnancy, she'll come 'round."

"Dad, I think by the time mum has come around to the idea of having a half-werewolf for a grandson or daughter, the kid will be graduating Hogwarts."

"Oh, ye of little faith!" Ted laughed. "Your mother has more compassion and love than we give her credit for, especially when it comes to family. Look how she keeps sending things to that batty sister of hers, even though they haven't exchange more than two words since she married that Malfoy bloke. She's had a rough go it, and it's made her a bit wary to the idea of change or something out of the norm."

"I know, dad, but you would think her family's persecution of her would have made her more understanding, not less."

"She _is_ understanding, Dora. She simply needs to take her own time to accept reality."

"Well, do you think she could do it in less than eight months, because I'm going to need her help if we have to be in hiding."

"Of course she will, Bug."

It was hearing her old nickname that made Tonks sink down onto her parents' bed and begin to cry in earnest. Her dad was leaving! She did not know where he would go, or when he would be back. Why did everyone seem so eager to simply pick up and leave her? Didn't they know how scared she was about having this child? How could everything in her life have gone to hell simultaneously?

"Oh, Buggie, please don't cry," he said, kneeling down on the ground so he was at eye level with his daughter. "Your old man here is having a hard go trying to keep it together. I can't stand to see you cry like this!"

"D-don't leave, dad," she said, trying to hold herself together but it only made her throat constrict even more. "P-please."

"I have to go, Bug, you know I do. There would be no point in my staying here."

"TED!" Andromeda's voice bellowed through the house, as father and daughter turned towards the open door waiting for the matriarch to arrive.

"Upstairs!" Ted shouted back, standing up. Soon enough, hurried footsteps were heard before Andromeda arrived, windswept, and looking older than Tonks had seen her in her entire life.

"Oh, Teddy, is it true? Are you leaving? Was that what the message was about?" she said, running over to her husband's open arms.

"It's true, Drom, I need to leave, the orders have been given from on high. Thank Merlin our daughter here was the one charged with taking me in."

"Oh, Nymphadora!" she said, turning teary eyes towards her daughter. "Thank Merlin, indeed. But they'll know you warned him, they'll know it was you who told him when you haven't brought him in."

"Just say I left of my own free will, that I needed a break from all the estrogen in this house now my son-in-law has left." Ted said good-naturedly.

"Ted, that's not the point, our daughter does not need the sudden scrutiny, not now that she's, you know," Andromeda looked at her daughter with sympathy, and even some compassion, "pregnant."

"It will be all right, mum, I'll sort it out with Robards. I was telling dad, I think this is his way of helping me out, giving me the assignment instead of someone else."

"When will you leave?" Andromeda said, turning her attention back to her husband.

"Now," Ted said, grabbing a few more things from the wardrobe and stuffing them into his rucksack.

"Well, you're going to need food, and towels, and a warm j-jacket, and m-medicine, and…" but Andromeda couldn't continue with the list as she began to break down.

"Drom," Ted said softly and tenderly, holding his wife's head in his hands, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I'm going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. And it's just for a little while, just until this whole thing blows over. And hey, I'll come back for a visit. I need to check up on how my grandson is doing. Which reminds me," he said, turning away and searching through the top most drawer of the wardrobe. Pulling out a black box he handed it over to Tonks.

"What's this?" Tonks asked.

"Oh, Ted," Andromeda said, clearly knowing what the box contained, making her sob all the more.

Tonks opened the box with curiosity and saw a fine gold watch nestled comfortably inside of it.

"I know, it's not magical, but this was my grandfather's watch, and I know the tradition of giving wizards one when they come of age, so, I figure, it should be kept in the family. Magical or not."

"Dad, don't be silly, you'll be back by then, you'll be home by the time baby turns seventeen. Won't you?" Tonks said, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes.

"No, I know, I'll be back by then, but… you know, just in case." Ted said with a sad smile. He gathered his crying wife and daughter into his great big arms holding them close as they all collectively shared in the moment that this might be the last time they were all together like this, all united in the love they shared for one another, only in a way a father could do.

"Now," Ted said leasing them, wiping quickly away a few tears on his cheeks, "I'm going to grab a few bottles of Scotch and I'll be off!"

"Let me pack you some food, and get you some more bandages. You're nearly as clumsy as Nymphadora." Andromeda said, rushing around the house to gather up some final supplies, glad for something to do. Tonks just wandered down the stairs, unable to fully process the fact that her dad was leaving them, and she did not know if he would be coming back. Would she ever hear his laugh again? Would she ever feel another one of his bear-like hugs? Would he ever know the child she carried? The war could not continue on for years, she had rationalized, it would surely be coming to a head soon, and their collective fate would be sealed one way or another. Tonks held onto the belief, foolish as it may be, that good would triumph over evil, and soon, there would be a better world for her child to grow up in. But she had never contemplated the alternate reality, a world where there would be no Muggleborns, or werewolves, or anyone other than pure blooded wizards.

Once the swirling chaos of Ted's departure had settled, the family gathered outside to say their final goodbyes. Tonks allowed her parents to share in their own private moment, as she knew the pain it was to lose your life's companion. Her mother's pleading whimpers, her father's soothing tone, the promises shared between them, the obvious love they still had for each other, stirred something deep within her and silently, tears fell from her already swollen eyes.

"Bye, Bug," Ted said, scooping her up into his arms once more, lifting her off the ground as he used to do when she was a child. "Be good to your mother, and please take care of each other. Remember that she loves you, no matter what she might say to make you think otherwise."

"I will, dad," Tonks said nodding.

"The poor girl is just getting a bit dotty in her old age, as we all do, so don't take it to heart," he said, kissing his daughter on the forehead. "And be good to my grandson. Don't do anything crazy like name the poor bugger after me, I'm not the best of namesakes. Give him something cool, like Blaze or Xander or Phoenix!"

Tonks laughed a little through her tears. "Alright, dad, I'll definitely take those into consideration."

He smiled down at her with fatherly pride. "I love you, my Dora."

"I love you too, daddy," Tonks said, feeling emotion constricting her throat once more, wishing she could say more to him, tell him what he meant to her, how he had been such a wonderful father. But this wasn't goodbye forever, was it?

Ted looked back towards his wife and daughter with a sad smile, lifting a hand to wave goodbye before, _pop_! He was gone.

Andromeda collapsed to the ground, absolute sorrow consuming every fiber of her being, and Tonks, never seeing her mother in such a state of misery, ran over to help her. She gathered her wailing mother as best she could, comforting her in a way only a daughter could do.

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><p>an: So finally a Tonks chapter! It proved slightly more difficult than I had originally imagined which was mainly the cause for the delay. I'll go back to Lupin for this next one only in the hope of getting it out faster, but I think I will dabble with Tonks a little more in the future. And goodbye Ted! It has been a pleasure writing your character, you were one of my favorites :( maybe we will see you again... only time will tell.

just a quick note about me, i've received a lot of reader responses about how i could not possibly be British because I don't say things a certain way. I simply wanted it known I am American, and have never claimed to be british (as much as I would like to be). Having traveled and studied in the UK, and with two of my best friends living in the city with me who are from England and Scotland, I've picked up a lot of their expressions, as anyone does when spending loads of time with people. I'm sorry if it appeared like i was trying to trick you guys, or make it out to seem like i was someone i wasn't, or if it was offensive to British readers in some way, as i'm sure i used a lot of expressions in the wrong context. so i sincerely apologize and just wanted to clear that up.

**thank you thank you thank you** for all the wonderful reviews! these changing autumn days can feel a little dark as the days become shorter, but coming home and seeing a new review definitely brings some light. If you'd like to light up my dark and stormy night, please don't be afraid of clicking the review button below! i appreciate anything and everything, as they help me become a better writer.


	25. A Warning Sign

**a/n: **i am not the brilliant JK Rowling, and therefore do not own these characters, except for the ones I have created for myself. No copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, language and mild violence. I know it's been FAR too long since my last post, but with the summer comes more time to write, so as always, I hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 25: A Warning Sign <strong>

Remus had become used to the idea he was going to die. He could feel the life slipping away, like silk falling off the human form. He had resigned himself to the fact he would never again feel warm sunlight on his face; he would never watch Harry as he grew into the man he knew Lily and James would be proud of; he would never tell Nymphadora how truly sorry he was, and the real reasons behind his fears about the child she carried. Having had nothing but his own company for however long he had been in this godforsaken pit, he had time to mull things over. As much as he feared the potential monster growing inside of her, as much as he regretted not taking more precautions in preventing this situation from ever arising, he had promised to love, honor, and cherish his wife and would support her in sickness and in health. And if he was able to, however small that sliver of hope might be, that he would make sure that whatever the child may be, he would support and love it in anyway he could.

Suddenly, somewhere through the haze of starvation, hurried noise from far above could be heard. The sound, so foreign to the silence he had grown accustomed to, made Remus sit up and take notice, but everything was spinning. The noise, perhaps a voice, was so faint and it seemed to echo weakly in his brain, giving him the sensation that he might be hallucinating this phantom.

"Whose there?" he tried to shout to the ghostly sound above, but his voice, so hoarse and weak from dehydration, knew it would never reach whoever might be above him.

"Answer me!" he tried to shout, pathetic in its attempt at any kind of menacing threat. The voices stopped, as the shuffling of feet were becoming more distant as whoever had been there was now leaving him. "No, no! Please! Come back!" he pleaded, trying once more in vain to get to his feet, to attempt to stand, to try and scale the walls of his prison, but his broken ankle kept him crippled, and he cried out in pain from this sudden movement.

A sickening chuckle echoed throughout the cave, reverberating into the darkness of the pit.

"Fenrir!?" Remus called out. Remus was suddenly struck as an odd sensation of relief in hearing Greyback's menacing laugh swept over his entire being. This certainly was a feeling he did not think he could ever come to anticipate.

"Pathetic." Spat Greyback's voice, so sharp that it cut through the air like a knife, making Remus' ears ring with its force. "I have always found it fascinating that by simply adding deprivation of light and nourishment to an environment even the strongest of man and beast will become the most sniveling of creatures… No matter. I take it you are ready, Lupin to rejoin your brothers and sisters, to take your place once more among the pack?"

Remus swallowed what saliva he had left, thinking hard about what his mind, dulled with pain yet still alive with desires of revenge wanted to say and what the deep ache in the pit of his stomach was forcing him to say out of the desperation in wanting to stay alive.

"Yes." Was his quiet, simple reply.

"Very well," Greyback said, and even from a distance, Remus could here the self-satisfaction in his voice. He thought briefly of changing his initial response, as his own self-loathing was poking him that he should be so weak as to rejoin a pack of fellows with whom he had wanted nothing to do with. But his agony was too great. He needed medical attention, food, water; even warmer clothing as the torn shreds of the once cozy flannel shirt was worn thin and in tatters, and fall was creeping ever closer toward the countryside. Greyback, however, seemed in no hurry to grant Remus his freedom. More hushed whispers before he heard an all too familiar, yet unexpected, voice.

"Lupin, I'm going to let in a little light so you can see the ladder we are sending down for you," Caliban said, his low tone soothing after the harsh bite Greyback's had. Instantly, the smallest of shadows began creeping down the walls of the dirt hole, and Remus could faintly begin to register the pure squalor he had been living in. But he did not want to see any of it; he simply wanted to leave and never look back.

"Caliban, I can't climb, my ankle is shattered." Remus said, glad to hear a more friendly voice; however, his good feeling turned to one of apprehension since Lavinia's betrayal, he wasn't sure if he could trust anyone in these caves.

"You're going to have to try, there are strict enchantments which make magic impossible in the area. You're going to have to climb out on your own."

"How?" Remus moaned, as his voice cracked with emotion, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. It was maddening; he was almost free, he could quite literally see the light at the end of the tunnel, but he could not manage his freedom due to the broken nature of his body and spirit. If he had the ability to pace, he would have been doing so, but contented instead to pulling at the ends of his hair, clumps of which, he could now see, were scattered on the ground, mixing gruesomely with the mud and excrement and his own rust colored blood. This was almost crueler than being put into the pit. Dangling something so instinctual and basic as the yearning of freedom in front of his face brought Remus right to his breaking point. "Stephan, I need to get out of here," he said, hearing the manic, crazed nature his voice had become.

"Let me think of something, hold on," Caliban said. Closing his eyes against the light that was inching ever closer into complete illumination, Remus tried hard to steady his breathing, to try and relieve this utter panic and dread in thinking he would never leave this horrific place. His thoughts then turned to Nymphadora, as they always did when he needed help in soothing his addled mind. He began to think of the day she might be having, of the mundane rituals at work, the gossip from interdepartmental memos, coming home to her mother's good cooking, perhaps even joking with her father about something on his ludicrous television box; just the simple goodness he hoped her life had become in his absence. He thought, too, if she was missing him, if her thoughts ever turned toward what he might be doing, if she had realized that his absence from her was not of his own design.

"Lupin," Caliban finally called back, "I'm sending down a large rope. Tie yourself to it and I'll hoist you up."

Opening his eyes to the matted light, Remus saw a thick braided rope seemingly fall from heaven above. He was skeptical of this idea, but knowing how strong Caliban to be, and seeing how thin he had grown since his time down here, he figured the twelve feet or so would not be too terribly difficult for Caliban to achieve. He just worried about being jostled during this process and the result it would have on his ankle. But the thought of warmth and food and clean drinking water made any reality of more physical pain fly away. _Just breathe, old boy, we'll get through this_, he told himself, tying the rope as tightly as he dared twice around his midsection. "Alright, Stephan, easy does it."

The slack on the rope suddenly became taut as Caliban began pulling Remus up with almost supernatural strength. Bumping up against the side of the dirt walls, Remus inhaled sharply as fresh pain coursed from his ankle through his body, but he put his attention instead on the relief, the sheer, unadulterated relief he would feel in the release from his hellish prison and the potential for escape, for home, for Nymphadora.

As he scaled the wall, mostly aided by Caliban's strength in hoisting him upward, the light began to grow brighter and brighter, so much so that it made Remus' eyes sting and water having been so accustomed to the dark.

"You're nearly there, you're going to have to manage the last bit on your own I'm afraid, there's not much further I can go, and I've nothing to tie my end around."

Squinting, Remus could see the edge of the pit an arm's length away. He reached up, fingertips barely scraping the cold stone surface above, as he tried to hoist himself upwards. But the muscles in his arms, already underdeveloped from his lack of conditioning, had nearly disintegrated from his lack of nourishment. But something inside of him, perhaps the adrenaline of freedom, gave him the extra strength he needed to pull himself up and over the pit's massive walls. Panting, having all the strength, what little he had left, drain away from his body, he managed to raise his head to look up at the man who had helped him to freedom.

"Th-thanks," was all he managed to say.

"S'alright," Caliban said gruffly, pulling the rope up and out of the pit, winding it up.

"Greyback?" Remus asked, looking around as though to see the monster who had kept him imprisoned for so long.

"Probably with the rest of the pack by now." Caliban said, and Remus could see the pity on his face as he examined Remus' wasted body on the ground. "Let me take a look at your ankle."

Rolling over, with help from the brightly lit lantern, Remus could finally see the extent of the damage that had been done to his leg. It was not nearly as bad as he had imagined, but still a gruesome sight to behold. Blood had pooled inside the surface of his skin making the swollen area surrounding his ankle look hideously discolored, made all the worse by being so deeply contrasted to the pale, corpse like appearance the rest of his body had become. "This will need some magic." Caliban said lamely, clearly unprepared for the damage. Trying to help Remus to his feet proved to be a futile exercise, so Caliban expertly hoisted him into his arms. Remus felt shame burn patches onto his cheeks, thinking about the reaction the others in the pack would be when they saw him being carried like some long lost prince. It was true people had died in the pit, and all returned in a weaken state, disorientated yet so grateful to be out; still, Remus had never seen anyone being carried back.

"Stephan," Remus said, his lips so dried and cracked they hurt trying to form the syllables. "You don't need to carry me-"

"I'll put you down before we get to the rest of the group." Caliban said, understanding Remus' need for a little discretion in his return. "I'll have one of the females come back with some food and water, and I'll ask Greyback what we should do about your ankle. It's doubtful you'll be going out Monday night with the rest of us."

"Why, what's going on?" Remus asked, but he felt sure he knew what was to be taking place tomorrow evening. He had been feeling the restlessness start to agitate his bones, which meant only one thing.

"The moon," Caliban said darkly. "You really must be out of it to not feel the pull of the next full moon."

Remus had indeed been feeling the effects, however, his basic need for survival overpowered any sense of foreshadowing. "Is Greyback still making people go out with him? To _hunt_?"

"Sure, but I think he has a little more common sense than to send you out with him. You'll only slow the rest of us down with that bum leg of yours."

"Why would he pull me out of the pit at all, if he didn't want me coming along?" Remus asked.

"I'm sure he didn't realize what a state you'd be in," Caliban said. "And I have to say, Lupin, you're going to need all the rest you can get between now and then. It looks like one transformation might take you out for good."

"How long was I gone?" Remus asked quietly. It was the question he really did not want an answer to, but he was caught off guard that so much time had gone by he was able to forget the lunar calendar.

"I think it was close to ten or twelve days; the most I've ever seen anyone survive down there."

And Remus knew this to be true. Most punishments would last between three days to a week and by that point, hunger had the power to weaken anyone's defiance to submitting to Greyback's will. But he had seen the times when Greyback simply would forget someone was down in the pit and the smell would be the only reminder that someone was still down there, albeit deceased. It certainly was a testament to his will to live or perhaps some divine intervention that Remus was still conscious and breathing. But his body, he knew, was not going to last much longer and he feared what a transformation would do.

"Here's where I'll leave you," Caliban said, putting Remus gently back down on the ground. "I'll have someone come around to look at that ankle."

"Thanks…" Remus said, barely getting the words as exhaustion overpowered him, as he fell into dreamless sleep.

Waking what felt like moments later, Remus found himself cleaned, bandaged, and in a dilapidated sleeping bag. Thinking this all to be some bizarre dream, Remus shook his head to clear the hallucination, but it would not pass. In waves, reality began to sink in. He really was out of the pit, he really did not have to spend another moment down in that nightmare underground, and even more than that, someone had taken care of him.

"Morning, sunshine," said a friendly voice. Remus looked over to see Thailard, walking cover toward him with a bowl of soup and a glass of water.

"How did you-" he started, sitting up in the makeshift bed.

"I heard they had finally gotten you out of that dreadful place and I offered to take you in, seeing as no one was volunteering to help you out."

"I thought you weren't allowed near the caves?"

"Caliban was able to work some magic." Thaliard said with a wink. "You should try and sip some of this broth. You look like even Thasia could knock you down."

"I don't doubt it," Remus said, looking over to the steaming hot broth. His stomach appropriately grumbled loudly, the most noise it had made in a days. Thaliard handed him the bowl and Remus gratefully bought it to his lips, blowing on it gently, and took one big gulp. It was scalding hot, but he hardly noticed, as he had never had anything more delicious in his entire life. Not even Molly's cooking could compare to the absolute joy he had in this simple, watered down soup. Tears began to well in the corners of his eyes as he bought the bowl down on his lap.

"Well, don't go all weepy on me now, it's just some soup. And not very good soup at that." Thaliard said, looking thoroughly confused by Remus' sudden flood of emotion.

"Thank you," was all he could manage to say.

"You're welcome, mate," Thaliard said. "Why don't you rest up some more, we've got a big night tomorrow."

"How long have I been asleep?" Remus asked, startled that the full moon was almost already upon them.

"Almost a full day, not nearly long enough I'd say. But it's good you're up and eating something, you're going to need all the strength you can get between now and tomorrow night. Make sure you keep drinking that water and broth. I'll be back in a bit to check on you and change your bandages. You're lucky you got out of the pit when you did, any longer down there and we would have had to amputate your leg."

Remus just smiled gratefully at Thaliard, emotion making it hard for him to say anything. He was so grateful that he had at least a few decent people in his corner, a few good souls who were willing to help him through his hell. But this brought his thoughts back to Lavinia.

"Jack, wait a moment," he said just as Thaliard was about to leave.

"What?"

"Lavinia," Remus began, but Thaliard seemed to know where he was going with this train of thought.

"She was taken the same night you were. I don't know how they tracked her to her mum's."

"No, no, it was Liv who turned me in, I'm sure of it," Reemus said. He had replayed the entire encounter between the two of them over and over in his mind, trying to pin point every moment when she had been deceiving him, as though he were to go to trial and convict her of treachery.

"Mate, she is no where to be found, we thought she might have been thrown into the pit with you. She's probably being held captive somewhere. I've tried looking for her, tried even getting Caliban involved, but she's gone. Just up and vanished. I've been having to look after her mum, I figure she would want someone to do that."

"How is she?"

"To be honest, she doesn't do much, just lies there sleeping most of the time. Liv had her pretty sedated with potions."

"You don't think she's dead, do you?"

"Who? Her mum or Liv?"

"Liv," Remus said, his stomach growling again for food and for the satisfaction in fulfilling his hunger for vengeance.

"I don't know," Thaliard said running a hand through his hair. "I've tried all I could, but you know how she's been lately. So unpredictable. If Greyback didn't take her away, she's probably gone off on some holiday and has expected us to just pick up the pieces in her absence, the dotty cow. But I'll tell you one thing, no way would she ever betray you. She cares about you too much to just hand you over to Greyback like that."

"It was weird, when we saw each other she seemed like her old self. And then she said some things that sounded odd, or suspicious and next thing I know, I'm being knocked unconscious and waking up in the caves."

"That is shifty, mate, but I doubt it was Liv. She was getting her life together, and I've known her longer than you have. It's not in her nature to just double cross someone like that. Especially not someone she was so fond of."

"Maybe, but I'm still not ruling her out about why I was left in that hellhole for almost two weeks."

"Blimey, two weeks? I don't know how you're alive, RJ. You got a real guardian angel on your side, I'd say."

"Well, I just hope whoever is watching out for me is keeping an eye on Dora and her family. I'm worried that if they were able to find Liv, they'll have no trouble finding her folks."

"I'm sure she'll be fine. She's Ministry, right? With the way things are at the moment, I think she might have a little bit of protection."

"She illegally married a Dark Creature, she's a known member of a group actively trying to bring down Vol-"

"Oh, don't say the name!" Thaliard said quickly, waving his arms in the air as though he was trying to flag down a jet plane. "His name has been tabooed!"

"Oh, right, well, needless to say she's not the Ministry's favorite person at the moment. I think they would like nothing more than to see her conveniently taken out of the picture."

"She'll be alright, mate. Honestly, what you need to be focused on is getting rest, you'll need your strength for tomorrow night."

"It's hard not to worry, Thaliard, she's my wife, and she's-"

"I know, I know." Thaliard said with a sigh. "But you need to build your strength so you can live long enough to see that baby of yours."

"I'm still not sure about this whole baby thing," Remus said, shifting under is blankets, as he felt his body wanting to drift back off to sleep.

"Why don't we talk about this later when you're not about to collapse on me."

"Alright, mum," Remus said with a small smile, as his eyes closed automatically, and he fell into a deep sleep.

He woke periodically throughout the day and night, Thaliard always there with a comforting cup of tea, or some clean drinking water. But Remus was never awake more than a few minutes to really discuss what was going on, what Greyback's movements were, or how he was going to cope with the thought of another human being in his life relying on him.

Finally, about midday with the coming of the full moon, Remus woke up fully, his body finally feeling rested, perhaps not in fighting form, but better than it had been in weeks. His only concern now was moon, and the toll it would take on his mangled body. Although Thaliard was diligent with his ministrations to his ankle, Remus could tell it wasn't healing properly. _If only I had my wand, I might be able to perform some healing spells_, he thought as he carefully unwrapped the bandages to see what damage had been done.

The swelling had gone down significantly, but the discoloration was still gruesome and clearly not the way it should look. He gingerly tried to move it by flexing and pointing his foot, but the pain was too great; it was still stubbornly broken. He tried again with wandless magic to see if that might do something, but the harder he tried to perform the spell, the more and more he could feel the energy he had been so careful to build up drain away. It would have to be another project for another time when he was a little more rested. He had the briefest of thoughts about Disapperating away from the caves but that was out of the question; he ran a very high chance of splinching himself and that damage could be more permanent than a broken ankle.

Lying back into the worn sleeping bag, he looked around to see where he was. It was some small out cove in the caves, away from the rest of the pack. However, he could hear the loud chatter, and even children's cries, echoing from the distance. He worried about their reaction if he was to join them out in the main circle, where the large fire would be blazing, where trading would take place, where the children would gather to play, still under the watchful eye of their mothers, who were busily washing clothes and gossiping. If it wasn't for the fact that magic was frowned upon, and the less than sanitary living conditions, and Greyback was using this community for his own depraved purposes, it was a wonderful pack to be involved with. They had a real sense of unity and family, of loyalty and protecting each and every member. Even for the time Remus had been with them before, and even as wary as they were to fully accept an outsider who had tried so hard to assimilate with the wizards, there was an unspoken understanding that any one would protect Remus like he was one of their own immediate family.

He looked up to the ceiling of the cave, so dark and far away from where he was, and his mind began to wander to what Nymphadora might be doing with her day. Was she thinking of him? Was she even aware of the fact that his life might end this very night? Or was she so resentful towards the way he had left with no hint of remorse that she might even be relieved not to have the association with him anymore?

"There you are," Thaliard said, a worried note to his voice.

"Where did you think I was? I'm not exactly going to be walking soon." Remus said, indicating his ankle

"Greyback is looking for you." Thaliard said, his tone ominous, and Remus could tell Greyback wasn't looking for a social chat.

"Do you know why he might want to see me so urgently?"

"Well, he doesn't believe that you really are injured and shouldn't go out with the pack tonight."

"He can take one look at me and he can see that there is no way I'm going to be able to move, let alone keep up."

"Just be ready for his temper, you know how he gets right before a full moon."

"I wonder why he's so desperate to keep me around?" Remus wondered aloud.

"I don't know, RJ, but if I were you I'd feign being asleep or try to look as pathetic as possible. Otherwise, you'll be out hunting tonight."

"Are you going with them?"

"As part of my new agreement with Greyback I am requited to make the rounds with them. I'm not happy about it, but it's better than being on the outside."

"What about Thasia?"

"She'll be with a group of cubs and their mums. One of the women have really taken her under her wing, so much so I trust that in her wolf state she won't try to eat Thasia."

"I thought all the children were being held together so that wouldn't happen anymore?"

"Nah, Greyback thought we were coddling them too much, that it was better to have the weaker ones weeded out, survival of the fittest and all that. He's certifiable, but then, we couldn't possible survive without him."

"There are ways, Thaliard, you know there are. You were living just fine in a community until Liv made you leave."

"Liv didn't make me leave," Thaliard said defensively, handing Remus a new glass of water. "I wanted to come here. But honestly, Lupin, for as much as Greyback is a nutter, he has done a lot for the lycanthrope community."

"I think _you_ might be the one who's certifiable," Remus said, gratefully gulping down the cool water.

"I'm serious. Yes, I know his methods are a little… _medieval_, and yes, conditions here could be a _lot_ better. But think about some of these kids who were kicked out of their homes because of what they had become. Think about the bonds of community here. I have never been to any town or village or city where there was such a powerful sense of community."

"I suppose that's a fair point." Remus said, and he thought about his own family and how if they had kicked him out at the tender age he was bitten, a large family settlement of his fellows would have been the place he'd have naturally gravitated towards.

"Anyway, Greyback will probably be in hot pursuit, I don't know why he's taken such a fancy to you, Lupin. Must be your gentlemanly charm and rugged good looks."

"Or maybe," said a sneering voice and Remus felt the delicate little hairs on the back of his neck rise with panic and dread, "he might just be one of the most important members of this pack right now."

"Fenrir," Thaliard said, his head bowed low in respect and fear of the pack leader.

"Thaliard, you'd do well to hold your tongue, or your precious little cub will have to grow up with a father who no longer has the ability to speak."

"Of course, Fenrir, my apologizes," Thaliard said, stepping backwards, head still held low, moving towards the cove's exit.

"Leave us, Thaliard, I need a word with the 'invalid'."

"Of course, happy hunting, Fenrir, Lupin." Thaliard said with a small panicked look towards Lupin as he made to exit quickly.

"Happy hunting, Thaliard," Lupin said, returning the old expression.

Greyback was slow in his studied examination of Remus' condition, his cold sneer never leaving his face.

"So, you're too injured come out with us tonight, is this true?"

"I'd only slow you down, Fenrir," Remus said showing the menacing figure his injured foot.

"So if I were to squeeze," Greyback said, grabbing Remus' ankle roughly making Remus cry out in pain, "ever so gently, I would feel this bone broken?"

Remus, panting in pain, his eyes watering, watched as Greyback's claw like fingernails make their way into his inflamed skin. He was in too much shock and pain to even give him a reply.

"Hmm, I am wondering why you have not fixed this bone yourself, Lupin."

"I don't have my wand," he said through gritted teeth.

"And yet, I've heard our little professor was exceptionally gifted at the wandless arts." Greyback said, applying a little more pressure to his ankle, making Remus writhe a little more in pain.

"I can't," he panted, willing with all his might that Greyback would release his poor body.

"Can't?"

"Can't, too weak," Remus said, finally looking up to the pack leader, who hopefully saw just how physically weak his body had become after his experience in the pit.

"Hmm," Greyback said, finally releasing Remus' leg with a flourish. "I wonder if I made a mistake in bringing you back here, Lupin. I had hoped that such a wizard, a _Hogwarts_ _professor_, would have had the ability to fix a little broken bone, let alone all the things I have planned for him."

"What-" Remus began, but he saw Greyback's eyes flash dangerously, and he knew he should not be peppering him with questions.

"If you prove yourself, Lupin, to be the wizard everyone has claimed you to be, I'll include you on my plans. If you really are as weak and useless as the flobberworm I see before me, I'll have you thrown back in the pit, or better yet, make you a little meal for our cubs to enjoy on the next moon."

"Of course," Remus said, bowing his head slightly in reverence for Greyback's mercy. This gesture seemed to placate Greyback as he grinned, his yellowing teeth even visible in the darken cavern.

"That's the kind of servitude I like to see. I'm just glad time in the pit has taught you your place among the pack."

"I'm at your mercy, Fenrir, I only hope to prove myself a valuable member."

"We shall see," he said, and Remus was still aware of the fact all of this was simply an elaborate threat on his life; a test to see just how far Remus was willing to flagellate himself for a cause Greyback knew perfectly well that he would never support. So Remus tipped his head even further into a low bow, which seemed to satisfy Greyback.

"Try not to die tonight, Lupin, I'd hate to see my mercy go to waste." Greyback said as he left Remus alone.

Remus collapsed backward onto his pillow, grateful to still be breathing, his ankle his throbbing from having Greyback so roughly handle it. Thaliard came hurriedly in, looking skittish, as though he believe Greyback to be hiding in every shadow.

"Well, I'm glad you're still among the living," Thaliard said, surveying Remus up and down as though he were expecting to find a corpse.

"Just barely," he said, sitting up once more to examine his battered ankle.

"There must be something greater planned for you, mate. No way would he have let you live this long without a bigger scheme at work."

"I know, he all but told me what he wanted from me, yet he was as cryptic as ever."

"Well, just count your blessings he hasn't done something worse. Well, other than bring you to the brink of death."

"I'm just worried about Nymphadora. With You-Know-Who in power, I doubt he's going to be keeping Greyback on a tight leash, and if he was willing to bring me to the 'brink of death', as you say, there is no telling what he'll do to her, someone who has no significance to him except as a means at getting back at me."

"I'm sure she's fine, mate. Like I keep saying, you just worry about you tonight and getting better so you can get the fuck out of here and get back to her."

"You're right, I really do get need to make it through the night." Remus said, stretching his limbs a little, already beginning to feel the pull of the moon.

"You can feel it too?" Thaliard said, massaging out his shoulder.

"Yeah, can't be too long now."

"Yeah, probably just a few more hours. Well, I'm going to get Thasia and me all settled. Do you think you're going to be alright by yourself?"

"Better being alone than with someone I could potentially maim."

"Good point," Thaliard said with a definitive nod and a small smile. "Alright, things go to plan, I'll be back tomorrow morning to either give you some new bandages or to wrap up your corpse."

"Thanks," Remus said. "Happy hunting, Jack."

"Be safe, RJ." Thaliard said leaving Remus alone as they both began to feel the restless pull of the coming moon. Remus wished he had the ability to get up and pace, to move around, and he did not know what his wolf would do not having the ability to use all four limbs.

So, he waited. Waited for the inevitable undertow the moon would have over his human form, transforming him into the full fledge monster he had warned Tonks about so many times. And without having taken the Wolfsbane Potion this month, he would be every bit of the beast he knew himself capable of. Suddenly, time seemed to stand still, and Remus knew the agonizing pain would soon begin. But through the haze of searing pain as his limbs began to contort themselves, in the shadows of the cave, he saw a pair of icy blue eyes staring back at him...

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><p><strong>an:** to my **lovely** lovely **faithful** readers (and to all my new readers), all I can do is apologize for this incredibly LONG absence! I have not given up on this story, nor any of my other stories, simply life and my final year of college had taken precedence and I haven't had too much time to write. But fear not, Remus and Tonks and all of these characters are still alive and well (for now...) and hopefully chapters will be updated in a more timely fashion. So until next time, let me know what you think and click the review button below!


	26. Stubborn Love

**a/n: **the harry potter universe is the property of jk rowling and warner brothers and no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations and themes, mild violence, and language.

this is a tonks POV chapter taking place the same night i left off with and the next morning, and a reminder that italicized sections indicate flashback. as an _early_ birthday treat for mr. potter and all his friends, i humbly present another chapter to the tonks/lupin saga (see it didn't take a year this time) ;) so, as always, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 26: Stubborn Love<strong>

The sky was set alight in golden hues of reds and purples. The whole world seemed to be burning fiercely, as Tonks watched the sun set, anxiously anticipating when darkness would consume everything in this daily exchange between the light and the dark. She hugged her jumper a little tighter in the chilly evening air, searching for someone, or something, that she knew was not going to come. Even the slightest rustle of the trees made her heart leap into thinking that he might have come back, that he might have seen the error in leaving but she knew that it would take something truly miraculous to make him reappear.

Her father was gone, and he wasn't coming home.

The realization of this fact had not sunk in fully, though she knew deep down it was ultimately true. She did not want the night to come, did not want to see the round full moon rise. Having been a companion and friend to a werewolf for so long, she had now come to dread the rise of a full moon. Once a source of delicate beauty illuminating an otherwise darken world, the moon now held the deadly potential of taking innocent lives and stealing well meaning futures. Yet for all the dread the full moon had, it also brought the possibility of knowing where her wayward husband would be. As part of the Dark Lord's seamless transition in taking over the Ministry, many of the old laws were still in full affect, meaning, that all registered werewolves would have to report to the basement of the Ministry, and as cruel as the conditions were there, at least Tonks knew Remus would have to report himself otherwise face prosecution. After her justified sacking from the Ministry for not bringing in her father for the new Blood Status Law, she finally had a moment to speak with Kingsley about Remus' status of missing in action.

_"King, will you do me favor?" she had asked quietly while he helped her pack up her desk, some of their busy coworkers stopping to stare just who was let go this time and who would be taking their place._

_"Of course, anything, I just don't know how much good I'll be. They seem to be looking for any excuse to get rid of people who might be working against the new regime."_

_"It's nothing to get you in trouble, it's just... I wanted to ask you to possibly get in touch with your connection at the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."_

_"Tonks, I'll do what I can, but Fletchley can only do so much about your marriage status-"_

_"No, no, not that. It's just, Remus and I... well, we had a bit of a row. And I told him to leave, and unfortunately, it's taken him a quite a while to cool down and come back."_

_"How long to cool down?" _

_"Nearly two weeks," Tonks said sheepishly._

_"Do you suspect foul play?" Kingsley asked, gently._

_"No, not so much as just him being hypersensitive. I mean, have you heard from him lately?"_

_"As a matter of fact, no I haven't. Last I heard from him was when the Ministry fell and he had sent me word to keep an eye out as you were headed back to the Ministry. You know, he might be with the kids on whatever Dumbledore had set out for them. At the last meeting, he seemed pretty eager to go find them."_

_"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping as well, but now I just don't know. If he was with the kids, I would think he would have sent updates for the Order."_

_"That's true," Kingsley said with a frown thinking over what might be keeping Remus incommunicado. "I'm sure he's alright. You don't think he went back to Greyback did you?"_

_"No, I don't think so. Last he told me, Greyback was after his blood, and I doubt our fighting made him suicidal."_

_"You might want to keep an eye on yourself if that's the case. Greyback might target you to get back at him."_

_"You sound just like Remus," Tonks muttered, rolling her eyes. She put the lid on the box of all her possessions, picking up the box hesitating in how much she wanted to tell Kingsley. "If you hear from him, would you let me know? I'm starting to get worried about him."_

_"Of course, but what does this have to do with getting in touch with the Control of Magical Creatures?"_

_"The full moon is soon, and as far as we know the new regulation is still in place. And as emotional conflicted Remus might be right now, no way would he so overtly break the law and get himself in trouble with the WCU."_

_"I'll let you know when he checks in," Kingsley said with a nod. "What are you going to do now you don't have the morning meetings anymore?"_

_"Sleep in," Tonks said with a smile._

She had hoped that before Remus would have gone to the Ministry for check in, he would have come home to her, said his well rehearsed apology, tell her how much he love her and the child they created, and she would kiss him goodbye and would wait patiently until she was allowed to pick him up and they could begin to pick up the pieces of their relationship.

Yet, her rational mind told her that these silly schoolgirl fantasies are rarely what comes to pass. Life was never like a well-rehearsed play, that each character had an entrance and exit, that good would triumph over evil, or in the end the two lovers would be reunited and live happily ever after. No, if anything, this past month had provided more education on what life can do then her entire schooling at Hogwarts.

And if the matter of her husband wasn't enough to keep her anxious for the night to come, she was beginning to worry about what her body had been telling her all day. She was feeling dizzy, and her morning sickness was seemingly endless, yet she was ravenously hungry. She was restless to move yet exhausted and could not find any peace awake or asleep. And what she had tried to rationalize as normal symptoms of pregnancy, she knew that the restlessness in her body was due to the coming full moon and the effect it was having on the growing child inside of her. She suddenly became fearful of the possibilities she might lose the child, might lose the last real connection she had to Remus. She began to be aware of all of things he had warned her about, and how his reaction to the news of the pregnancy might not have been the exaggeration she had thought it to be. She wished he was here with her, to help her and console her in the fearful event that something terrible should come to pass. But he wouldn't even be able to be with her, he would be going through his own personal hell with his transformation. She wished she could talk to someone who had carried a werewolf child, or a Healer expert in the subject of lycanthropy. But prejudices in the magical community were such that even at St. Mungo's she could not be guaranteed the best prenatal care. But there was still someone she could talk to, someone who might not like the fact she was carrying Remus' child, but would at least be a bit more knowledgeable than her frightful imaginings. The thought of miscarriage pulled her back into the house to consult her mother.

But her mother was lost, in both physical presence and mental faculty. After her father's quick departure from them both, her mother seemed to disconnection herself from reality. She stop going to her shifts at work, she no longer ate meals (though it might simply have been Tonks' cooking) and her normally astute deposition in sensing Tonks' moodiness had disappeared. Andromeda was adrift in a sea of hopelessness, loneliness and grief for the loss of her husband, whom she secretly knew in the deepest recesses of her heart, she would never see again.

"Mum?" Tonks called out to the seemingly empty house. But there was no response as the setting sun was casting long eerie shadows along the walls, as though they were signaling a warning of the type of night to come. Tonks searched her mother's bedroom, the kitchen, even the back garden, but she could not find her. Her anxiety over the coming moon seemed to grow with each minute she was unable to find her mother, like a child who blindly panics over losing their parent at the supermarket. Finally, just as the flames of orange and red began to transform into the softer colors of purlpe and deepest blue, the colors of the night, Tonks went cautiously toward her father's room, the last place she thought to look for the woman who had vowed so many years ago to never step foot in the masculine mess.

"Mum?" she said quietly, peaking through the closed door. There was her mother, her eyes staring blankly at the large television set, which did not seem to be playing anything entertaining to hold her attention in such a way. "Mum?" Tonks said even more quietly as she approached her mother, sitting down next to her on the comfortable old leather couches.

"I could never understand the appeal of this idiotic thing. I could never see why Ted spent so much time in here consumed by _this_." She said, as though talking to herself, not really acknowledging her daughter sitting next to her. "But I guess it's the mindlessness of it all. Not really the programs themselves, perhaps, but just being able to escape for a few hours into a some new, alternate reality."

"I think you might be right," Tonks said, agreeing, who had no idea what was going on with the Muggle sitcom but was drawn in nonetheless by the lives of others so as to forget even for a moment about the fear that made her seek the comfort of her mother. But the comfort was fleeting as the room became consumed in darkness so that the only flickering light was from the television. "Mum..." Tonks began again, but she could not put into words all the reasons behind her fear. Her mother did not seem to hear her daughter as she continued to watch the program mindlessly. Tonks felt tears falling slowly down her cheeks as she stood up feeling the need to pace.

_"Moony, mate, you need to take a potion or something. You're making me sea sick with all this pacing." Sirius said with a laugh, dramatically clutching his head as though to stop it from spinning._

_"Wotcher, what's Lupin doing?" Tonks said, coming into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place. She had not known Remus Lupin for very long, but had been enjoying the company of the two old friends since joining the Order of the Phoenix. They both seem more like minded to herself in terms of mental age and mischief making. And although her second cousin was much more the overt troublemaker than the quiet professor, on more than one occasion, Tonks had seen a glimmer in Lupin's eye which made her see why he had been a key player in the Marauders. _

_"Oh, I'm not doing anything, Padfoot here is just being his normal diva self," Lupin said with a grin, continuing his pace around the kitchen table._

_"No, mate, it's your bloody time of the month, it has you all restless." Sirius said, with a knowing look. Lupin didn't seem to find this very funny, but Tonks broke down into fits of laughter._

_"His what?" Tonks laughed, looking as though Sirius had completely lost his mind._

_"His time of the-"_

_"C'mon, Padfoot," Lupin interjected, staring daggers at his friend. "Enough with the nonsense. Look, I've stopped pacing, happy?"_

_"No, Sirius, what were you saying about his time of the month? What, Lupin, need to borrow a little something just for us girls?"_

_"Well, as much as he'd appreciate a little something to shove up his backside, our Mr. Moony, like your common garden female, has a time each month when he is restless, irritable, moody, and constantly craving chocolate." Sirius said, pointedly ignoring the look Lupin was giving him._

_Still smiling, Tonks looked between the two men, trying to find the joke, before it hit her. She had been told the day she had joined the Order that one of its members was a werewolf._

_"Oh," Tonks said, suddenly startled, backing away, as though she had walked on something private and not for her to have seen._

_"See, Padfoot, what you've done to the poor girl," Lupin said, his head bowed in shame but anger toward Sirius' lack of tact very evident._

_"No, no, it's just that, I forgot, I'm sorry," Tonks said, looking over towards Lupin, trying to meet his eyes. "That was in poor taste before, I shouldn't have laughed at that joke."_

_"Of course you should have! It was one of my best!" Sirius said, laughing over the tension now palpable in the room. "Prongs and I used to joke all the time about Moony's fury little friend."_

_"Yes, but Padfoot, the poor girl hasn't known the two of us long enough to understand your particular sense of humor. Ms. Tonks, I should be the one apologizing. I really shouldn't be around so many people on this particular day. If you'll excuse me," Lupin said, making a hurried exit through the kitchen door._

_"Oh, no, you don't have to go!" Tonks said, startled by the man's so hurried exit._

_"Oh just leave him be," Sirius said, still smiling. "He's just being hypersensitive. It takes him a while to tell people about his condition and all the fun side effects it brings."_

She thought about Remus and his restlessness before a full moon, pacing around the small room as he used to do. _Poor, Remus_, she thought desperately, thinking about how this might not just be a night full of danger because of the moon, but what the Ministry might do in the wake of having collected so many werewolves together. This might be the WCU's greatest chance of eliminating a great mass of them in one night. "Mum," she said breathlessly, feeling faint and nauseous.

It must have taken the desperation in her daughter's voice to wake Andromeda from her reverie as she quickly turned around to see Tonks bent over, grasping to the edge of the couch for support, her breathing staggered and labored. "Oh, darling, what's wrong? Is it the baby?!"

"I- I don't know," Tonks said, gasping for air, feeling as though the walls around her were closing in. "I- I can't b-breathe!"

"Nymphadora, look at me," she said taking Tonks by the shoulders. "You need to focus on me, look me in the eye and listen to my voice. Are you in any kind of pain?"

"N-no, I just c-can't breathe!"

"I think you're having a panic attack, I'm going to get a potion."

"Will it be s-safe for the b-baby?"

"Perfectly safe, but right now I want you to sit down and focus on your breathing, taking deep breaths, in and out." Andromeda helped Tonks down onto the couch before rushing out of the room in search of a calming draught. Tonks had barely taken two deep breaths before her mother came back mixing together a tonic.

"Here, drink this slowly," she said, handing a large glass to Tonks, who very carefully took down the whole potion. Almost instantly, the slow warmth of relaxation washed over her. She began to feel a little sleepy as she gratefully handed the empty glass back to Andromeda.

"Better?" Andromeda asked, pinching her wrist to feel her pulse.

"Loads, thanks, mum." She said, wiping away a few of the tears lingering on her face.

"I don't think I've ever seen you in such a state. What made you start to panic like that?"

"Oh, nothing, just being silly, it was just..." but Tonks could barely get the words out as the emotion caught in her throat.

"Nymphadora, what is it?"

"Everything!" Tonks cried, collapsing into her mother's arms. "Remus, the baby, dad... nothing seems to go right for me."

"Shh... sweetheart, listen to me. Things are a bit in the shit right now, but you need to keep calm for that child of yours. The last thing you need to do is panic so much the baby won't know up from down."

"Mum, I'm so worried, Remus said miscarriages were more likely on nights of the full moon. What if I can't support this child? What if I can't raise it alone?"

"Well, what do you think I am, chopped liver? I'll help you raise the poor little thing. But I'm afraid Remus is right, sweetheart. You are more at risk of miscarriage on the nights of the full moon. And unfortunately, all my colleagues at St. Mungo's weren't very helpful when it comes to prenatal care for a woman carrying a half werewolf child."

"What can I do to prevent it from happening?" Tonks said, her eyes wide with fear.

"There is nothing you can do, love. It's one of those things nature tries to take care of herself."

"Mum," Tonks chided, unable to hear any more of her mother's slanderous views of lycanthrope.

"It's true, and I know you don't want to hear it. Werewolves are unnatural. They do not belong in the animal kingdom nor do they belong with the humans. So mother nature tries to rid the world of such a freak by making it difficult for those creatures to breed."

"Mother, I will not hear anymore of this!" Tonks said firmly, closing her eyes against the sight of her mother so calmly and rationally explaining that the child she carried was a freak of nature.

"Well, sweetheart, you need to hear the facts. Now, I don't know what that thing has told you-"

"He has a name, you know," Tonks said bitterly, eyes still shut tight.

"Well, I don't know what _he_ has told you about the mutation lycanthropy has on the genetic level, but like it or not the baby you unwittingly created will have mutated genes."

"Any child of mine will have mutated genes, mum. I'm a metamorphmagus." Tonks said pointedly. Andromeda seemed a little taken aback.

"That is true, but darling, I did try to warn you, did try to make you understand what a life with him would mean," Andromeda pressed on, but Tonks had had enough.

"I'm going to bed," she said, note of finality in her voice. "I can't listen to any more of this shite coming out of your mouth. Wish me luck I don't bleed out tonight with mother nature trying to rid me of this monster inside of me."

"Oh, Nymphadora, now don't be like that!" Andromeda called after her, but Tonks was in no mood. She stormed up the stairs, very reminiscently of her teenage years when she and her mum would get into spats for her staying out after curfew during the summer holidays. She went straight for her old room, as she had been taken to sleeping in. She could not bring herself to the guest room she and Remus had shared. It held too many memories, and there was still the faintest scent of his skin on the sheets, something she oddly had come to miss most in his absence. She held onto her pillow tightly, praying to Merlin, saints, even dead relatives that she would make it through this full moon all right and that Remus was safe and would be home soon. How could her mother be so cruel? How could she, with all her years as a practicing Healer, have the audacity to call her child a freak? Was that how she really felt about her, being a metamorphmagus? Did her mother think she would have been better off if she had not given birth to a child with such mutated DNA? She knew her mother had been brainwashed as a child in the belief that purity of the human spirit came from the purity of one's blood. That at the molecular level, those who were pure bloods were superior to every other human, wizard or Muggle. But surely the love she had for Ted had shed truth to the hypocrisy? She knew her mother to be rigid on some of her beliefs, that even after years of marriage to Ted and living within a Muggle community she still held firm to some of her old beliefs, but Tonks never thought she still thought like the Death Eaters did. Surely, her mother was simply trying to comfort Tonks with fact, and botched up the delivery, as she had been known to do.

Tonks was not quick to fall asleep, as she began thinking over come backs to throw at her mother, but the effects of the calming draught had made her already exhausted body slip easily into a dreamless sleep.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

The sounds of her mother screaming woke Tonks very suddenly, as she saw morning sunlight spilling through her window. She unconsciously put a hand to her stomach, and pulled back the sheets to see if anything indeed can come in the night. But there was nothing there. No blood, no sign of anything disturbing that might have caused harm to the baby last night. She breathed a small sigh of relief, and if she weren't thankful enough, a great wave of nausea hit her making her dash for the loo. She retched spectacularly, but she could have almost cried in the joy in still having morning sickness.

"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE HERE? GET OUT OF MY HOME!" Andromeda's screams nearly shook the whole house. Flushing the toilet and quickly rinsing out her mouth, Tonks dashed downstairs to see whom her mother was shouting at. Three Ministry officials, with their wands held at the ready, were being pointed at Andromeda, who was looking like a fierce some mother lion in her light yellow dressing gown, her own wand out and ready.

"Mum, what's going on here?" Tonks asked, pulling out her own wand, and holding it up.

"Ms. Tonks we are here to search the premises of this known location for Creature 4208."

"What?" Tonks asked, giving the three men a puzzled look, but upon seeing the WCU patches emblazoned on their robes, she realized to whom they were referring to.

"Creature 4208 failed to comply with the new Werewolf Internment Law by willingly turning himself over to the Ministry's custody during last night's full moon. As such, we are under orders from the Ministry to hunt him down."

"Like hell you are," Tonks said, raising her wand a little higher. "And anyway, he's not here, so why don't you lot just bugger off?"

"Ms. Tonks, we do not need your permission to search this residence. We have permission to do what we can to recapture a dangerous criminal." Said a more kindly looking man, and Tonks thought she recognized him as one of the guards who had been watching over the cottage.

"Remus is not a dangerous criminal!" Tonks retorted. "There are some dangerous criminals having a go at being Ministry members at the moment, why don't you go have a look for them?"

"What exactly are you implying, Ms. Tonks?" said one of the men, who had been silently sneering this whole time. "Are you unhappy with the new policies our brave leaders in politics have made? Because, I could very easily put in a word to have them review your case."

"Is that a threat?" Andromeda hissed, looking so much like Bellatrix the three men took the smallest of steps backward.

"Mrs. Tonks, as a member of the Black family, we know that your blood line is the purest, and we have no objection to you. Your daughter, however, has made some interesting choices in the past, choices that have not gone unnoticed by the higher ups. I would think you would have a little more common sense than to house a dangerous dark creature here."

"I am housing no such thing," Andromeda spat, "and as a member of the Black Family, you have my word that he is not here, nor has he been here for weeks."

"Unfortunately, we cannot go on your word, we have to search the house."

"This is private property, and I have twice asked for you to leave, and if I have to ask a third time, you will see how much influence the Black Family has."

Sensing something growing, dark and powerful, in her mother that no doubt would have negative consequence on all of them, Tonks intervened.

"Have a look if you like, but you're not going to find him." Tonks finally said, sensing something deep and dark in her mother that she had never sensed before. She cautiously put a hand on her mother's shoulder but the touch made Andromeda whip around flashing something so purely evil in her Black Family eyes, Tonks felt herself shrink and cower as the three men went briskly through their home. Andromeda, seeing the fear she had instilled in her daughter was snapped out of her trance looking around for the source of fear. Realizing it had been she, Andromeda immediately ran towards Tonks wrapping her arms around her with all of her motherly affection.

"I'm so sorry, Nymphadora, sweetheart. That was a side of me I never wanted you to see. I don't know what made me get so angry. Just those men, storming in here, acting like they own the place, thinking we no longer have any rights, and asking so many questions about Remus-"

"Dad said he had only seen you look that way a handful of times, but I never knew what he meant. You looked just like-"

"I know, I know, a very unfortunate family resemblance. If I had your gift, Nymphadora, I would change my face so as to never see my dreadful sister's face staring back at me in the mirror."

"You said his name," Tonks said, realizing something her mother had just said.

"Whose name, dear?"

"Remus', you said they were asking questions about _Remus_."

"Well, I couldn't refer to him as 'Creature 4208' now could I? Not even you recognized it."

"Remus didn't report to the Ministry last night," Tonks said, beginning to piece together the puzzle, breaking away from her mother so she could think properly.

"And it's a good thing, too." Andromeda said, walking over to pick up the copy of the Daily Prophet she had been reading over her morning cup of tea. A few pages in, was an article that read, **MASS** **EXTERMINATION OF DANGEROUS CREATURES**. Tonks held a hand to her open mouth, her eyes wide with fear and with sadness, unable to say anything, as she quickly read the article of how the Ministry, during their routine procedure of the Werewolf Internment Law had gone awry as the dangerous werewolves had escaped from their housing in a coup, and it was the WCU merely defending themselves as each and everyone of the werewolves that night were exterminated. _"We tried a route of civility towards this unnatural things, but animal insticts took over, and we had to react. We're lucky to be alive and unharmed,"_ a quote from Thomas Maynard said, and Tonks sat down on the arm of the couch, shaking her head sadly.

"ALL CLEAR!" came the call from one of the WCU agents as the three men gathered back in the living room where Tonks and Andromeda were still gathered.

"No sign of Creature 4208, but it is your civic duty to report if he comes here or if you know his current whereabouts. Helping this creature means that you will be punished for aiding and abetting a wanted criminal and is punishable by a stay in Azkaban. Am I making myself clear?" He said, looking to Tonks in particular, but she was still much too stunned and queasy to speak and simply nodded her head.

"Good, let's move out." And the three men unceremoniously left mother and daughter in silence.

"They killed all those people?" Tonks finally managed to say, although the words were heavy and slow in coming out.

"They said the werewolves attacked first-" Andromeda tried to start but Tonks was having none of it.

"Bollocks, mum! And you know it! This is a cover up for killing all those poor innocent people, and thank Merlin, Remus actually broke the law for once." But her relief was short lived. If Remus had not been at the Ministry, and no one had heard from him in weeks, where was he? Is it possible Greyback had captured him? And if so, was he even still alive? "I need to find him!" Tonks said aloud, standing up.

"Who, dear?"

"Remus, of course! He's in trouble," Tonks said, heading upstairs to pack her bag. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do, or where to even start looking, but she knew her husband was in trouble, and finally she knew that his absence was prolonged not by his own doing, but by some one else's.

"Nymphadora, you're not making sense. You have Ministry officials chasing after you, you have the Werewolf Capture Unit hunting _him_ down, if you are caught by either helping him or trying to find him, you're as good as dead yourself. And I refuse to let you die for that man."

"Like you wouldn't die for dad?"

"Of course I would," Andromeda said fiercely. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"If you really love dad the way you say you do, why didn't you go after him, why didn't you go into hiding together?"

"Don't you think I've tried? Don't you think I begged him to take me with him when there were whispers of trying to round up all the Muggleborns?" Andromeda said, tears coming to her eyes but she stubbornly refuse to let them fall, a trait Tonks had unknowingly learned. "But he's stubborn, that man. Wouldn't hear a word of sense in me coming with him, that it would be safer for me, and for you if I were to stay here. And then after hearing about your pregnancy and the fight you had with Remus, well, who was going to look after you if both of your parents left? So don't you dare ever question the love I have for your father, Nymphadora, I sacrificed everything I ever had to be with him."

"Then why can't you understand the love I have for Remus?" Tonks said, almost pleading with her mother. "If you can understand sacrificing everything for love, then why can't you understand I would give up everything for Remus?"

"Because of what happened here this morning! He is a dark creature, Nymphadora, I don't see why this fact has not penetrated that skull of yours. And for all of his positive attributes," Andromeda said, holding a hand up, silencing the protests of her daughter, "and I admit, that he does have a number of good qualities, the Ministry of Magic will never look past the fact he is a _werewolf_. And I refuse to have my only child, the one last living, breathing, piece of your father I still have with me, give up everything for a life with a man who can only bring her misery."

"And your grandchild, what of that?" Tonks said, placing a hand on her stomach.

"I take it everything was alright last night?" Andromeda said quietly, looking from Tonks' flat stomach to search the room as though she was going to stumble upon the remains of a monster.

"We're both fine, thank you for _finally_ asking," Tonks said, pushing past her mother to gather up more of her belongings.

"I _am_ glad, Nymphadora," Andromeda said, and the sincerity in her voice was genuine, making Tonks stop her packing. Perhaps it was the panic of thinking her husband dead, perhaps it was the rollercoaster her hormones had become, or perhaps it was the fact that her mother was genuinely happy her daughter was alright, Tonks began to cry. Not a dramatic, heaving mess, but a mournful displayed that made her sit on the edge of the bed and made her mother come rushing over to soothe her.

"I'm so sorry, darling," Andromeda cooed, stroking Tonks' hair. "We have always fought like cat and mouse, you and I, and without your father as the cooler head to calm us both down, I'm afraid I'm making a pig's ear of this whole mad situation. But you know I love you, my Nymphadora, you know that?"

"Of course, mum," Tonks said, wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve. "I don't know why I'm such a puddle lately, dad would say I need my head examined."

Andromeda chuckled lightly. "You're father, as much as I love him, really could never wrap his head around how much hormones effect a woman. I was an absolute terror when I was pregnant with you."

"Oh, I can imagine," Tonks said rolling her eyes.

"Your father on more than one occasion actually told me he was going to involuntarily commit me to St. Mungo's nut house because of how irrational I was being."

"It was probably one of dad's joke," Tonks said with a smile.

"No, he was deadly serious, even had the forms all filled out and ready," Andromeda said with complete sincerity. "Your grandma Tonks, she had to step in and intervene on my behalf one night. I remember she gave your father such a lecture, oh Merlin, I don't think I've ever seen your dad so contrite!" Andromeda had a small laugh, more to herself than anyone, thinking over Ted Tonks' exploits. But her smile quickly faded as she turned to look at her daughter. "You really are your father's daughter. And he really was chuffed when he heard about the baby. Worried to pieces, as we both are, but was really happy for you, darling."

"Thanks, mum," Tonks said, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Listen, I know better than to try and stop you when you get some kind of mad scheme into your head, but promise me, you will be careful, and at the very least, bring someone with you. There is always safety in numbers."

"I know, mum. I was going to contact Charlie or some of the Order later, and King should hopefully have some kind of news for me. I asked him to look in with his contact at the Regulation office, but I'm sure with this recent massacre, it's probably all sixes and sevens there."

"And please let me know when you leave, and for how long you're going to be gone. I don't want you sneaking off in the middle of the night like you used to do when you were a teenager."

"I won't, mum," Tonks muttered rolling her eyes. Only mothers can almost instantly make you feel like a little girl again. She wondered if she would be like that with her own child.

"Alright, love, I'm going to make us a proper fry up for breakfast, how does that sound?" Andromeda said enthusiastically, getting up off the bed, straightening her dressing gown.

"To be honest, mum, that sounds horrible, just a bit of toast and jam for me, thanks." Tonks said, the thought of meat making her stomach lurch uncomfortably.

"Oh, right," she said with a wince knowing the discomforts of morning sickness. "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

Tonks continued to sit on her bed, staring around her old room. She had no idea what her next step was going to be. All she knew was that despite everything, despite their argument, despite the words that had been spoken, she would willingly give her life if it meant Remus would be safe, and now knowing he was in trouble, and she was going to do her best to save him.

...

Somewhere beyond the civilized world, a man was stirring, his body aching and sore all over from the previous night's exhaustive exploits. His wounded ankle was throbbing painfully, as he gently began to move a hand to feel how badly the transformation had damaged the the already fractured bone. It was then he noticed his naked body was gruesomely covered with blood. Not for the first time had the man awoken to his sight, but searching for the source of so much blood, he found no greater wound on his body than his badly wounded ankle. Curious as to whose blood he was covered it, it did not take him long to see the mangled body of a woman whose bright blue eyes were starring at him with so much desperate need, the man was momentarily stunned.

"RJ..." the woman softly spoke before closing her icy blue eyes...

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><p>an: So Tonks finally knows Remus is in trouble, but does she realize the dangers she'll be walking into with a pack of recently feral werewolves? Or will the WCU be the first in hunting down Remus? And will Andromeda ever come around to knowing the love Tonks has for Remus is the real thing? Or will the old prejudices of the Black family come to haunt them all? Did Remus kill another person?! Stay tuned to find out!

Thank you so so much for continuing this journey with me, on the winding road of the last year of Tonks and Lupin's lives. Who knows, I might shake things up and have them live after all, I've grown quite attached to them :) You'll just have to continue being the awesome, loyal readers you all are!

if you like to share your thoughts, concerns, feel free to take the time and submit a review! i read each and every one of them and take all suggestions very seriously.


	27. Phantom Limb

**a/n:** i am not JK Rowling nor am i the head of warner brothers, same old, same old. All the same, no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult situations, mild violence and language. due to all of your lovely reviews, a new chapter! and as always, i hope you **enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 27: Phantom Limb<strong>

Every muscle was protesting against Remus' moving, his eyes remaining stubbornly closed. He knew he had to wake and take assessment of his injuries from the transformation the night previous, but for now he was contented to remain where he was, drifting between sleep and consciousness. For some reason, he remembered having a particularly bizarre dream about a pair of icy blue eyes... But he dismissed the notion from his thought. It was undoubtedly his subconscious mind reminding him of his plans of revenge against Lavinia. Begrudgingly, he woke, blinking back the morning sun. He did not register right away that the sun should not be shining so brightly, having transformed in the recesses of the caves, however, he was grateful for a little more light to see what damage had been done. Remarkably, he was still breathing, still alive. What little he had rested from his ordeal in the pit had helped him get through the brutal toll his body went through last night; although he was certainly more exhausted than he normally was on the day after a transformation and he felt like he could sleep for weeks. He stretched out a tentative hand to examine his wounded ankle, which throbbed painfully but was not the terrible burden he remembered. Perhaps, he thought with dark humor, as he transformed back into his human shape the bone had reset itself to proper alignment. It was still broken, but at least it didn't poke out so oddly.

It was only then did he realize what he was lying in.

There was blood everywhere; discoloring his naked flesh into a cakey dark rust. He was not new to this experience, of waking finding himself covered in blood, however, it was alarming nonetheless. He gently began to run expert fingers over his arms, legs, and along his throat. Although he found some cuts, and a few needed his attention for fear of infection, there was nothing deep enough to produce _this_ amount of blood. He was left to assume that perhaps this was not _his_ blood; indeed the smell of it was off. He began to search the immediate area and take in his surroundings. He was in a familiar place, somewhere in the caves where the pack had magically made a hole in the top to let in the natural light. It was closer to where many families resided, and Remus began to worry he might have hurt one of the children left behind. But just has he began looking for the limp form of a child, his eyes stumbled across the form a woman, whose blonde hair was matted with blood, and whose body, once devoid of so many scars, was torn open and bleeding profusely, her icy blue eyes staring directly at Remus. The desperate need he found in them was so startling he was momentarily stunned and unable to react.

"RJ…" she said, her mouth full of blood, her voice a hoarse whisper. Her eyes fluttered closed as Remus began to panic.

"Oh, Liv!" Remus said, forgetting the injury to his ankle as he lurched forward to tend to her, adrenaline pulsing through his veins, his heart beating madly. "Lavinia, stay with me, don't you dare close your eyes!" All thought of revenge against her, all plans for punishing her as the cause of Remus' imprisonment were long gone, as he struggled to keep her limp frame conscious. "Liv, please, I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I didn't know what I was doing!"

"RJ…" she said again, her eyes still closed, her arm trying to rise as though to point in a direction Remus was to look, but Remus had his attention to the gapping wounds that were still oozing with blood.

"I need a wand, Liv, I can't help without a wand!" Remus looked around frantically, trying to find something to close up the wounds, but neither one was wearing a shred of clothing.

"You can," she gasped, smiling despite the situation, "you're the … professor."

Remus laughed in between his tears. "I'm going to try something, Liv. And then I'm going for help, for Jack or Stephan."

"No! No Caliban." She said as firmly as her dying body was able to command.

"Okay, no Caliban. Just please hold on, for me, Liv, don't you dare die on me." Remus placed his hands over the worst of the wounds, pressing as hard as he dared on her torso where through the stream of blood he could see the outline of vital organs. With all his will power, he thought of the spell to bind flesh together. There was the typical tingling in his hands as he tried performing wandless healing spells. He looked back down at his first attempt, as the blood oozed a little slower. Closing his eyes, he focused every molecule of his being into closing the wound. Suddenly, there was a warm feeling through his fingertips that seemed to spread into Lavinia's body, making her gasp in pain.

"I'm so sorry, Liv!" Remus said, removing his hands. "I'm a bit rubbish when it comes to healing spells, especially without my wand-"

"No, I think … it … worked," she said, opening her eyes to look down at her stomach. Remus looked down, gently, he wiped away the fresh blood to see a pink scar that had formed beneath the skin. Although the closure was surely not completely mended, the bleeding had stopped.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Remus cried. "Liv, why were you here? You know the danger of being back in the caves, especially on the night of a full moon."

"It wasn't you," she said, her breathing becoming a little less ragged, as she fought to stay conscious and alive.

"What do you mean? I think I remember seeing you before I transformed. And we were probably some of the only fully grown werewolves in the caves last night."

"It wasn't… you-" she started but suddenly lost consciousness.

"Liv? Liv!" Remus said, giving her a little shake, before noticing another open wound on her upper thigh dangerously close to her femoral artery. "Oh, fuck, Liv, please stay with me, I'm going to try and mend this one. Stay with me! You hear me, Jack would never forgive me for killing you."

Remus placed his hands once more over her thigh, but she started convulsing, her heart unable to cope with the loss of blood. "Goddamnit!" Remus said, the pressure of trying to do all he can to save her almost becoming too much, his thoughts turned instantly to the spell. Closing his eyes tight in prayer and concentration, the warm familiar feeling returned to his hands as he passed along the healing warmth from his own body to hers. But even as he knew he was healing her wounds, he could feel his own power and energy being drained away, and he would not be conscious for much longer. Removing his hands, he wiped away the blood from her wound and found the similar pink scar closing the once gaping flesh. However, her body was still convulsing uncontrollably. Her bright blue eyes were rolled back in her head, as Remus began doing compressions on her chest.

"_Rennervate_!" he screamed, as the spell hit her squarely in the chest, making her arch her back gasping, before collapsing unconscious, no longer convulsing. "Liv?" Remus asked panting, waiting for any sign that she was still with the world of the living. He felt her blood stained neck, looking for a pulse… it was weak, but she was still very much alive. "Thank, Merlin," he said, finally taking a moment to steady his wildly beating heart. He looked around to see if there were any more helpless bodies lying around, worried he had tried to kill more wolves last night.

Slowly, his own body began to ease itself from the excess of adrenaline, as the world around him began spinning, the lines of reality blurring as he fought hard to remain awake, but instead collapsed, as blackness swirled around him.

"_Lupin, Lupin?"_

A voice somewhere through a dense fog was calling out toward him, but he really did not want to wake. "What do you think happened last night?"

"Dunno, but that sure was a lot of blood."

"Yeah, but I don't think too much of it was _his_."

"Greyback is going to go mental when he hears about this."

"Probably right, look at the state of him, and he was one of Greyback's prized pups."

Remus wanted to tell these people to be quiet, couldn't they see he was trying to rest? But whoever the two men were, they did not seem in any hurry to stop their conversation.

"I mean, his face was already a mess, but look at what's become of it now. I'm surprised he's still alive, with a cut like that on his throat."

Remus' curiosity finally got the better of him.

"Whose there?" he called out, sounding rather foolish as his eyesight was slow to come into focus.

"Bloody hell!" Thaliard said, physically jumping, as he had not seen Remus wake. "You're alive!"

"Well spotted," Remus said, struggling to sit up and see where he was. It looked like he was back in the out cove he had been resting in before, when Thaliard had been mending him after his time in the pit. However, he was not the only patient in residence. Lying a few feet away he saw-

"Caliban? What the hell happened to him?" Remus asked, staring at the badly disfigured man.

"Whoever attacked you really got the better of him. Do you have any recollection of what happened last night?" Thaliard asked. The other man in the room was a familiar face but Remus could not place a name. He seemed cautious about being here, however, he did not leave nor show any outward sign that he had any serious problem with Remus.

"No, of course not, you know how it is, but Thaliard, Liv was there-"

"Liv? Are you sure?" Thaliard said as his eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"Positive," Remus said, trying as hard as he dared to convey his meaning with the stranger in the room. He wasn't sure if he could be trusted.

"She was no where near the caves last night." Thaliard scoffed in disbelief. "Are you sure you're not just imagining things?"

"No, I saw her this morning before you lot came and brought me here. She was in really bad shape. We need to find her, help her!" Remus made to move out of his cot, but found that his legs weren't working.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I was a little heavy handed with the potion I gave you. The effects should wear off in about another hour or so." Said the unfamiliar man. "I'm Timon by the way. We've met once or twice the last time you hunted with the pack."

"Nice to see you again. Should I be thanking you for patching me up so expertly?" Remus said, who only now was able to appreciate the extent of the repair job.

"Nah, honestly, you should be thanking Thaliard here. He's the one who's been sneaking in the potion ingredients for us to use."

"Jack, listen to me, Liv is in trouble, and she needs our help." Remus said, foregoing all the formalities.

"Oh, stop, your praise is just too much," Thaliard said sarcastically, with a small grunt of amusement. "Mate, I think you were just seeing things. Liv knows better than to hang out around here, especially on the night of a moon."

"I'm not imagining things, dammit! She was here, I had to perform wandless healing spells on her, but I don't know if they'll stick-"

"Whoa, you can do healing spells without a wand?!" Timon said, looking thoroughly impressed. "No wonder Greyback keeps you around."

"I don't know if it really worked, but that's not the point," Remus said, almost pleading with the two men who did not seem to care that one of their friends was in real trouble. "I swear to Merlin she was here, Jack."

"Alright, alright, I believe you, but you have to know I think you've lost it. I mean, whatever got to poor Caliban over there must have knocked you on the skull last night."

"Whatever attacked you guys was vicious, a real brute if you ask me," said Timon, sizing up the damage that had been done to such a powerful man. Remus, too, was shocked at the extent of the injuries Caliban had sustained. "I'm surprised you're not in worse shape," he said, looking over Remus as though doubting how someone as strong as Caliban could be worse off than someone as unassuming as Remus.

"Just please, go look for her. She can't have gone very far."

"Alright, RJ I'll make you a deal." Thaliard said with a sigh. "You rest up, have a good long think about what you can remember from last night, and I'll take a look for Liv. Greyback is going to want a report on what happened last night, and I don't think he'll be very interested to hear that Liv is back, so I would leave her out of it."

"Fine." Remus said stubbornly, wishing he had the use of his legs. But knowing just how much his body had been through in the past few weeks he wasn't going to protest too hard to some extra rest.

"C'mon, Timon, we've got a girl to find." Thaliard said, ushering Timon out of the cove. Remus settled himself back down under the sleeping bag. Was it really all in his head? Perhaps it was some kind of insane realistic dream he had had, and now sent Thaliard on a wild goose chase for someone who would have known better than to hang out the caves on the night of a full moon. But her eyes, those icy blue eyes… he would know them anywhere. And he was sure that he had seen them last night before he had transformed, and this morning when there was such desperate longing for life and help… Remus did not believe his imagination was quite as powerful to invent that. No, he was sure that Lavinia had been there this morning, but what had she been doing there? Perhaps she had not been the one to turn Remus into Greyback, perhaps she was innocent after all, simply another pawn on Greyback's masochistic chessboard.

Regardless of her guilt or innocence, she was in serious trouble, and Remus did not know how long his healing spells would work. If she had somehow managed to wake and leave the caves under her own volition, she still ran the risk of her wounds reopening and bleeding out. Remus prayed that Thaliard would be able to find her in time. The thought of his magic powers returning, he tried summoning a ball of bluebell flames to appear, but nothing happened. He had quite possibly used all the reserved stores of magic he had left when closing Lavinia's wounds, making Apparation from the caves simply impossible. He desperately wished, for probably the first time in his life, he could remember a transformation. He wished he could remember what exactly had attacked him as he looked back over to his fellow patient. Caliban was always a perfect specimen of the human condition. And while he was not always the most agreeable of fellows, Remus was sad to see that he could be brought down to such a mortal circumstance. His face, already disfigured by the wolf that had initially attacked him, was scarred even further by whatever had attacked all of them last night. Remus thought briefly that perhaps it had been Greyback, who had a remarkable sense of control in his wolf state. Indeed, he had more control as a wolf than he did as a wizard.

Remus longed for his wand. This was the first time in a long time he had been without his most faithful of companions. It was an extension of himself and without it he felt incomplete. He found himself reaching out for it, like a phantom limb that was no longer there. He knew if he had had his wand after last night's transformation, he would have been able to help Lavinia more than he did. But this Timon had been right; whatever had attacked them, Remus was lucky to not have been gravely injured. He entertained the notion that perhaps it had been his wolf who had done so much damage, but there was no way his more passive and submissive wolf could have been capable of taking down Caliban's large formidable one.

Suddenly, Caliban seemed to be losing his ability to breathe, his inhales shallow and wheezy.

"Caliban?" Remus asked, his legs still not working as he awkwardly tried to move closer to see if Caliban was all right. He did not answer, his breathing still ragged. Clumsily he sat as forward as his injured body would allow, trying to get a closer look at the poor man. At this close distance he could see the severity of the injuries to his face and neck, and Remus was surprised that he was still alive.

"Lupin," Caliban said suddenly, his voice barely audible.

"Yes, Stephan, I'm here." Remus said, wishing he could get up and move closer to him.

"It was me," Caliban said, each word seemed painful and forced, his breath barely supporting his voice. "All my fault..."

"Of course this wasn't your fault. None of us can truly control what our wolves will do under the influence of the moon."

"No… Cormier… my fault," he said, and Remus thought he might have heard tears choking his already strained voice. In the entire time Remus had known Stephan Caliban, never had he seen the man show an ounce of remorse let alone break down and cry.

"Cormier? You mean Liv? It was… it was you who attacked her?" Remus asked, his head trying desperately to put together the pieces. It was Caliban who had attacked Lavinia, but then who attacked Caliban?

"She was getting… too close… my fault."

"You're not making sense, Stephan," Remus said, running a bandaged hand through his hair, wishing he was quicker to put together the clues.

"You need to leave, Greyback-" he said, trying to open his eyes, which were painfully swollen shut.

"Alright, alright, Stephan, take it easy, you don't have to explain it all to me now, just get some rest."

"No time," he said, and Remus could hear the desperation and finality in his voice. "I'm a dead man."

"You'll be fine," Remus said hesitantly, but he didn't know the extent of the damage done.

"You need to leave, Lupin, Greyback… he's going to use you."

"Why? How?"

"All my fault…" he said, and Remus could hear the emotion in his voice, could smell the tears rolling down his face. "Forgive… forgive me, RJ."

"Of course," Remus said quietly, but he was not exactly sure he was forgiving Caliban of. "Stephan, where is Lavinia? Do you know?"

"Gone," he said simply. "Forgive me."

But Remus, too, was caught by emotion to respond. _Gone._ What exactly did that mean? Was she she simply gone from the caves, or was she… But there was something so definite, so certain in Caliban's answer Remus felt sure that he knew the permanency of what 'gone' really meant.

"Gone," Caliban repeated, before his labored breathing ceased, and the room suddenly felt stagnant and much too quiet. Death had come to the cave, and Remus could smell its presence without having to look over at the motionless body. His heightened senses could tell the sometimes acute difference between the still living and the recent dead, and he hoped Thaliard would be back soon to take away the body. Remus rested his own weak and tired body back down; there was no more point in trying to help Caliban now. He hoped Thaliard might bring some hope in finding Lavinia alive, but he now wished he had not sent Thaliard out to look for her. If he was to find her dead… Remus' heart began to ache for how Thaliard would react. His devotion to Lavinia was so all encompassing that his heart might truly break for his unrequited love.

"Such a pity," said a voice, startling Remus out of his reverie. The hairs on the back of his neck were standing at attention as he watched Greyback, looking much too at ease, slink into the out cove. "He was always a good pack member, loyal, dedicated to the cause, and certainly did what was asked of him."

"What do you want from me, Fenrir?" Remus asked, his tone dangerously unsympathetic to the man who quite literally held his life in his hands.

"I'd watch your attitude, Lupin," Greyback said, no longer sneering but looking ferocious. "Perhaps I have been too lenient with keeping you alive this long. I must say, I'm surprised you're not more broken up about your pal Caliban. His death must be something of a shock to you."

"As you've already said, he was a good man." Remus said, nodding his head in agreement, wishing he could simply go back to sleep and forget this day had ever happened.

"I'm surprised, Lupin," Greyback repeated, his smile returning and Remus could sense he must be missing something. "I've severely underestimated you. I never would have bet for all the gold in Gringotts, that a weak and pathetic dog like you would be able to take down a creature in its prime."

"_What?_"

"Didn't you know? It was just you and dear Caliban in the caves last night. There were no other fully-grown wolves down this way. Clearly, that ankle of yours was not the problem you were moaning about yesterday. Next moon, I clearly intended to see that you run right alongside me, we need that kind of brute strength now that you've killed off one of our fiercest members."

"I didn't… I mean, I had no idea- " Remus sputtered.

"Now I know the last words of a dying man can be just a jumbled mess of random thoughts, so I wouldn't take anything he said to heart. But if you start getting any kind of ideas, just know that with the Dark Lord in power I have better resources for hunting down certain Aurors who have been out of line. Especially now that you're also a wanted fugitive for not reporting to the Ministry for the full moon, I'll have full access to your personal files. And what a shame, too, you weren't there last night. They murdered all those poor souls and that would have been nice to have you dead, and not Caliban here. He was a much more useful pack member." With a proud sneer, no doubt in response to the look of horror and disgust on Remus' face, Greyback moved away from the out cove and into the shadows of the cave. "Lenox!" Remus heard Greyback called out, "move the body away, we don't want to upset the poor professor's delicate senses."

Remus was stunned. Not only for the news that it had been he, Remus, who had killed Caliban, but that the Ministry had murdered all those poor souls who had done nothing wrong but follow their unjust laws. And now he was wanted by the WCU, they would be trying to locate him at every known address, including-

"Nymphadora…" he said quietly, as the large figure of Lenox came into view, grunting as he roughly picked up the dead body. Remus thought he should be feeling more remorse, should be feeling for the man he had killed, but he was too fearful of what the Ministry would do to the companion of a wanted werewolf. He just prayed to Merlin that the new Ministry would be too busy hunting down Muggleborns to concern itself with the WCU and hunting him down.

"She'll be fine," he said aloud to the very quiet cave. "She'll be fine…" But he wasn't convinced. He had seen firsthand the brutality the WCU had against suspects, and if Thomas Maynard was involved, he would not hold back especially against the woman who punched him so openly at the Ministry. Thoughts of Maynard brought his attention back to the present and to Lavinia. Caliban had been so cryptic in his final words, what did he mean by her getting too close? And what exactly did Greyback have in store for him? Or was it all as Greyback had said, the random thoughts that crossed a dying man's mind? He felt certain there was something larger at work that he and Lavinia were somehow linked to a bigger plan in Greyback's operation, but for the life of him, he could not piece together what it might be. His body longed for more rest, to recoup all the energy and strength it had lost, but his mind would not give him any peace. He was wrestling with the thoughts of sorrow over the loss of a man he had come to know so well, taken by his own hand yet trying to grapple with the fact that it was Caliban who was asking Remus for forgiveness. And where did Lavinia fit into all of this? The weight of guilt had not sunk in yet, that he had taken another life, that he had taken the life of someone he knew but the reality of the situation would be soon to settle into another great burden for him to bear. He was still holding onto his fear for Nymphadora and her parents' lives and for putting her into danger, yet again. Some how he did not truly believe that he was capable of taking the life of another wolf, especially one as powerful as Caliban. But, not for the first time in his life, Remus simply did not give himself enough credit for his own power.

"I just heard the news," said a voice as Thaliard came running into the out cove. "Greyback is saying you did it?"

"Did what?" Remus said, his thoughts still not with the present.

"Kill Caliban," Thaliard said looking thoroughly shocked at the cavalier nature Remus had in taking the news.

"I didn't know," Remus repeated, his words feeling hollow and mechanical, as the news of Caliban's death slowly began to creep into the monster of guilt.

"Well, to be honest I'm gobsmacked that when it came down to you or Caliban, you destroyed him."

Remus knew this to be an attempt at humor on Thaliard's part, but he could find nothing funny about the situation.

"I mean, good on you, he wasn't always the most pleasant of company but he was useful to have around."

"Thaliard," Remus said, trying to summon the courage to tell him the news of another possible death.

"Greyback is furious, and I half expect to find your corpse in here when I came back," Thaliard said, sitting down on the now vacant cot, not listening to Remus' halfhearted attempts at confession.

"Thaliard," Remus tried again, but Thaliard plowed through with his ramblings.

"But then again, you are the 'professor'... though that doesn't seem like an appropriate nickname anymore-"

"Jack!" Remus said firmly. It was the mention of his nickname that made him summon the courage he needed. "She's gone."

"Who's gone?" Thaliard said, looking as though Remus might be mentally unhinged.

"Liv… she's… she's gone," Remus said, his head bowed in reverence and disgrace.

"What are you on about? Liv? What do you mean she's gone?"

"Caliban told me before he died that he had been the one to attack her, that she apparently was getting to closer to someone or something, and that she's gone."

Thaliard looked momentarily stunned, the news of his beloved no longer here was slow to settle into his consciousness. "It was just… just the ravings of a dying man, we don't know that for certain." Thaliard said, standing up and beginning to pace. "I mean, I looked for a body, looked for some kind of a trail of blood leading somewhere, but I didn't find anything."

"Greyback is behind it, he's covering up something, he probably had her body moved."

"No, no, he didn't even get back to the caves until recently, he didn't even know about you and Caliban until Timon told him. If he had known Liv was here, surely he would have been back sooner, or there would be some kind of sign that he had known."

"I think he had Caliban kill Lavinia," Remus said, as the pieces of all that had happened began to fall into place. "I think she was too much of a liability, or she was no longer useful to him-"

"Bollocks," Thaliard said venomously. "That _thing_ has used her in a way that no man should ever use a woman, and you sit here so calmly and tell me that he had her killed simply because she was no longer _useful_ to him?"

"It's all just speculation, Jack, but what Caliban was telling me-"

"What exactly did he say?" Thaliard said, his eyes narrowed at Remus as though he could not trust a word coming out of his mouth.

"He asked me for forgiveness," Remus started but Thaliard scoffed and he knew that anything he said, whether it was truth or fiction, was going to sound like a lie in Thaliard's state of grief. "He said that he was the one who attacked Lavinia, that she had been getting too close, but he didn't say to what. And that Greyback was coming after me and told me to leave."

"Very convenient for you, I'd say, and there was no one else here to verify what he said?"

"I think Greyback heard the whole thing, he told me not to read too much into what Caliban was saying or he'd go after my wife. Which makes me think there is something much bigger at work, Jack."

"So, we don't know definitively if Lavinia is dead. Caliban used the word, 'gone', right? Well, that could mean a number of things."

"It was the way he said it, Jack, he sounded pretty definitive to me."

"I'm not going to give up hope." Thaliard said, and Remus could see how much he was fighting to keep his rationale from turning to truth. "I'm going to go out and look again, see what I can find, ask around to see if anybody saw anyone leaving the caves. She might still be out there, RJ."

"I know she could," Remus said, although he thought the possibilities were rather slim.

"You should," Thaliard sighed, trying to sort out his emotions. "You should probably get some rest. If I'm not back soon, I'll have Timon or one of the others come in and check on you."

"Thanks, Jack."

Thaliard nodded and left the out cove, and Remus wondered if they would ever find the truth about Lavinia. Slowly his body's needs overtook his raw emotion as he fell into a fitful sleep, with dreams of blood and the undead.

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><p>an: so now that caliban is out of the picture, do we really think lavinia is dead? and what is this plan greyback is so desperately needing remus for? will he ever make it back home? stay tuned to find out!

have you guys read lupin's bio on pottermore? i thought, all things considered, this story did a pretty good job coming close to what the master had to say about his life, if i do say so myself ;) of course, i'm deviating from this new part of canon by having lupin trapped out in the caves with the monsters instead of him going straight home after a night at the pub, but all in good time will he be reunited with his first and only love.

i cannot tell you how happy all of your reviews have made me! they really helped me to get this chapter out even quicker than the last, and i hope you all will stay with me and continue being super excellent lovely readers you are! if you'd like to express any comments or questions, concerns or words of delight, please leave a comment below! each and every one of them are like little rays of sunshine.


	28. Twisted Logic

**a/n: **the usual, most of these characters are the property of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers, no copyright infringement intended. M rating for mature themes and language. i'll save my very sincere apologizes for the end note, but in the mean time, as always, i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 28: Twisted Logic<strong>

"I'm telling you, Kingsley, there's something wrong." Tonks said, pacing back and forth in her parents' living room, rehashing her concern for what felt like the millionth time to anyone who would listen. "I know he can be a stubborn old mule when he wants to be; but he would never purposefully anger the Ministry by not showing up when he was scheduled to."

"It's true that it is unlike him," Kingsley said solemnly, nodding slowly in agreement, but Tonks could see the hesitation in his eyes.

"You still think I'm over reacting?" She asked, sensing that she was getting nowhere with him.

"I think we just need to count our blessings that Remus wasn't at the Ministry last night. Perhaps someone tipped him off that the Ministry was going to do this and made sure to avoid the place."

"Fair, but why hasn't he contacted anyone from the Order? He must know how worried we are about him."

"More like how worried _you_ are about him," Kingsley said with a small smile. "Tonks, I know you're worried about the old boy, but he's a fully grown wizard, capable of defending himself and getting himself out of any trouble he might have run into."

"You don't understand, King, he..." Tonks started in frustration but caught herself before revealing the fact that he had initially gone away because of the pregnancy. She knew she could trust Kingsley and she wasn't sure why she was holding back important information from not only her good friend, but also the new leader of the Order. "King, he's in trouble. Blame it on a woman's intuition but he's not in good place."

"You're lucky Mad-Eye isn't here to hear you propose a mission based on your womanly intuition."

"Well blame it on whatever you like, but I'd like the Order's support to search for him."

"Tonks," Kingsley said with a sigh, rubbing his smooth round head, something he did Tonks knew when he was frustrated. "I know you mean well, and I know this is troubling for you to not have him here, but the Order is in shambles and incapable of gathering a group together to search for one lost member, one who is more than capable of protecting himself. My guess is that he found Harry and the kids, and is helping them with whatever Dumbledore tasked them to do."

"But he would have sent word, some kind of message or a sign, no matter how dangerous it might be, if he was with Harry, and you know he would have, King."

Kingsley stared at her, and Tonks felt as though he was staring deep into the depths of her soul, searching for the truth as to why she was truly so concerned.

"Alright, Tonks," he said, his hands in the air as a sign of surrender, "I don't like it, but I'll ask a few people to help you search for him. _Discretely_, all right? I don't want to hear one whisper that the Order might be getting back together. As far as the Ministry's concerned, the Order of the Phoenix disbanded when You-Know-Who took over and I would like it to stay that way."

"King, it's me, I'm the soul of discretion." Tonks said, feigning surprise that he would ever think her incapable of not doing her job correctly.

"Mm-hmm," Kingsley grunted, looking down at his watch, noticing that their time together was growing short. "Look, I'll ask around with those who are left, maybe Molly or Arthur would be able to help out now that Ginny is heading back to Hogwarts soon."

"King, I want to leave immediately, I don't want to wait for the start of the new school term. Besides, Molly and Arthur have enough to be worried about than my absentee husband."

"You mean you haven't even asked Molly if she's heard from Remus?"

"Well, no, I didn't want to worry them unnecessarily, especially after what happened at Bill and Fleur's wedding. Merlin knows how they've been coping; not to mention having Ron run off with Harry I'm sure hasn't been a comfort on poor Molly's nerves."

"Tonks, I think being away from the Auror Department has made you lazy in your way of going about pre-mission protocol. You need to establish all the facts, make certain that he hasn't tried to reach out to someone else he might trust. And considering how eager he was to go looking for Harry and the kids, he might have contacted Molly to let her know that they were all safe."

"King, believe me, if he had sent word to Molly, or anyone for that matter, we would have known about it." Tonks said, frustrated that Kingsley clearly wasn't taking this as seriously as she would have wanted.

"What is so terribly pressing that he is needed back here, Tonks? What are you not telling me?"

"King, I... It's... It's just that-" Tonks stammered not making eye contact with her friend in case he was skillfully using Occulmency. But it didn't take mind reading skills for Kingsley Shacklebolt to figure out why a wife would so desperately want her husband back.

"Oh, Tonks," Kingsley said, a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. "Are you and Remus going to have a baby?"

Tonks didn't speak, but the answer was burning patches on her cheeks as she continued to look away, slightly embarrassed by the way Kingsley was smiling at her.

"Does he know?" He asked with a little more seriousness.

"Of course he does, we've known for a while now, and to be perfectly honest, it was the reason we rowed, but you know Remus as well as I do, he wouldn't just leave for good. Not with… well, not with everything going."

Kingsley gave her a sympathetic smile, as though to say, _you poor naive girl_. "I would normally agree with you that Remus is not the type of man who would so casually leave behind his pregnant wife during the middle of a war. But Tonks, even the best of men find a reason to leave, especially during war."

"You don't mean that when faced with fatherhood or You-Know-Who, he would rather choose certain death... do you?" Tonks said, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. She had not thought about this possibility that Remus, for whatever the reason, was purposefully choosing not to return. She was so quick to think that there was some sinister force at work that prevented him from returning, she had never stopped to think he was making the conscience choice to not return, to never see her or his child ever again. "No, no." She said more to herself than to Kingsley, shaking her head to rid the doubt that had crept its way into the pit of her stomach. "No, that's not him, Kingsley, and I'm a little shocked that you would even doubt his intentions."

"I'm merely giving you an alternative theory, no matter how preposterous it may be. But you should have told me sooner, Tonks, and as for your going and sticking your neck out to look for him, it's out of the question now."

"Kingsley, not thirty seconds ago I was going to be leading the mission and now I'm not even allowed to tag along?"

"Your condition changes things," Kingsley said, as chivalrously as Tonks had ever heard him.

"King," Tonks snapped, "you've got gnargles in your head if you think I'm not going out there to look for my husband."

"End of discussion. I'm not sending a pregnant woman out into unknown danger. I don't want that on my conscious should something happen to you."

"Kingsley Shacklebolt, I'm going and that's final."

"I don't have time to argue with you, they're going to be missing me at the Ministry." Kingsley said standing up abruptly. "I'll contact you here when I've figured out what we'll do about bringing Remus home. But for now, I want you resting and maybe thinking up some starting places for us to look. And if I find out you've gone on a mission alone without my permission, we're going to have a serious conversation about your place in the Order."

"Kingsley," Tonks protested, but he was already half way out the door and could not, or would not, hear the rest of Tonks' protests.

"Fuck!" She said loudly, kicking over the coat rack by her parents' front door.

"He's right, you know," said a voice from behind her. Her mother, who had supposedly been making herself busy in the kitchen, made her presence known at last. "You _should_ be resting, not going out on suicide missions to find your lost dog."

"Mother, not now, and I thought we had gotten past the whole dog analogy." Tonks said, moving past her mother and into her father's study.

"I won't allow you to endanger yourself, this house, or the child. Nymphadora, you are not just one person anymore, you not just risking your own life. You have to start thinking about that life that you're carrying, and if you love your husband as much as you've claimed, you will wait to see if he comes back on his own. He's capable of-"

"Mum, you have _no_ idea what he is, or is not, capable of. And it's not him I'm so worried about. It's You-Know-Who and Greyback and... And..." Suddenly emotion swelled within her and she could not continue to argue.

"Oh, Nymphadora, I didn't mean to upset you!" Andromeda said, rushing over to her daughter in a genuine display of motherly affection.

"Bloody hormones," Tonks muttered stubbornly wiping away the tears that had formed so unexpectedly in her eyes.

"Don't worry, he'll be back." Andromeda said, continuing to stroke her daughter's hair.

"I know he will, I'm just worried something happened to him. And no one seems to believe me."

"Well, have you checked the old cottage, have you gone to see Molly and Arthur?"

"No... I've been a bit preoccupied with being sacked from the Ministry, dad having to go on the lam and worrying about this pregnancy."

"All of which do not require you to be stuck in this house like some kind of prisoner. Sweetheart, when I was pregnant with you there wasn't too much I didn't do, you know, within certain boundaries. Just because you're expecting doesn't mean you have to be cooped up inside."

"And not ten minutes ago you were agreeing with Kingsley that I needed to stay home and rest."

"I was agreeing to his protests of you going out on a dangerous mission. I am all for you getting out and stretching your legs, especially if it means you could find some answers and stop worrying, which is doing much more harm than good."

Tonks took a moment to survey her mother, and although she didn't want to admit to it, her mum was right. The idea of looking for Remus in Dartmoor Woods would be too dangerous and if he was there she would never hear the end of just how incredibly stupid she was to be venturing into a pack of werewolves.

"Alright I'm going to try the cottage and then head to Molly and Arthur's. No doubt they'll make me stay for dinner so don't expect me home until late."

"Alright, and be careful Nymphadora, I trust you enough to get yourself out of a situation before it becomes a danger to you and the baby. Don't make me regret not tying you up to the bed and making you stay here for the next nine months."

"Thanks... I guess." Tonks said, kissing her mother on the cheek and heading out the front door to Disapparate.

Seeing the place where she and Remus had once talked of starting their lives together and potentially raise the child that was now growing inside of her, something chipped away in her heart. Somehow, she could not stand to see this place, not after what Kingsley had said. Did he really not want to start the life they had talked so much about? Did he really not wish to return? _You're acting like such a teenage girl, _said the voice in her head, and thought that it true. Yet, she still could not shake the sensation that something more was going on. And the exterior appearance of their cottage was not helping with the unsettling feeling. The once carefully manicured ivy Remus had spent so long taming into submission had become wild and overgrown. No lights were on, and on this rather gloomy August day, it cast foreboding shadows. Somehow in just the few weeks they had not been in residence had turned the cottage into something she almost did not recognize. But perhaps it was not only her overactive imagination that made her hesitant to enter; perhaps it was she was scared of what was waiting for her, the realization that he did not want the life they had talked for sleepless nights about that he was going against the promise that he had made in his vows that he didn't want to be with her. Slowly, she approached the entrance; her wand held at the ready, noticing the front door had a Ministry notice posted to it.

**ATTENTION:**

The Ministry of Magic has placed a charm on this residence. Should anyone try to enter, the Ministry will be alerted. Should anyone try to tamper with the charm, the one responsible will be held in contempt for hindering an ongoing criminal investigation, as it is the known residence of a wanted dark creature, number 4208. If you know the whereabouts of creature 4208 please contact the Ministry immediately, as he is wanted for compliance violence with the recently passed Werewolf Internment Law.

Alexander Yaxley, Head of Magical Law Enforcement

Ripping off the notice from the door, Tonks performed the well known counter jinx for the Ministry alert charm, something any first year trainee would have known and cautiously made her way into the cottage.

"_Lumos_," she said quietly, making the tip of her wand illuminate the dark front hallway. Carefully moving through the cottage she had grown to love so much, with its leaky roof, and creaky stairs, and bathroom that was still much too small. "Re-" she started, but stopped suddenly by the sight of the living room; blood was covering the floor, in a crimson wash, spattering the walls and rugs and furnishings. Panic started to rise within the pit of her stomach, as the owner of the blood was nowhere to be found. _Was this Remus' blood?_ She saw the wall, that had once been so meticulously painted by herself and adorn with their photos now had a hole the size of a fist. Was there a struggle? She groaned internally, wishing that her pride had not made her so angry and she had been aware of his clearly unwanted absence known sooner. Cautiously, she approached the staircase, hoping to find answers but also hoping to find nothing at all. Carefully avoiding the stair that creaked, she could not comprehend why no one had believed her when she knew something to be wrong. But before she was able to process the stupidity of people, the stair under foot creaked suddenly, causing a rustling motion from somewhere in the bedroom above.

"Who's there?" Tonks called out, which internally regretted, as Mad-Eye's voice came booming into her head, with threats of, _"CONSTANT VIGILANCE! You want to just announce your presence to anyone who might be here?! I thought you had better sense that than, girl!"_

"Please..." A faint voice said coming, from the upstairs master bedroom. Tonks began a quicker approach, and despite going against her Auror instincts, she half ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. There, lying in her own blood, was a woman covered only by one of Tonks' once fluffy pink towels. "Please…" the woman said pleadingly, seeing Tonks enter, reaching out with one bloody hand. "Help me…"

Tonks' rushed to her side, all thought of her own well being thrown aside, as this helpless woman was in desperate need of urgent care.

"It's going to be all right," Tonks said, trying to see what exactly needing tending to first. She moved her wand up and down the woman's body, magically scrubbing clean her blood stained skin so that she could examine the wounds properly. The deep gashes appeared to be not from a human hand, but of an animal's sharp claws. It also appeared as though someone has clumsily try to heal her wounds by magical means, however, were rather unsuccessful, and Tonks wondered if the woman had tried to heal herself, or had someone not as experienced try to mend the damage. Either way, this woman had been in contact with magic, making her a good candidate of being a witch. She also couldn't shake the feeling that she had seen this woman before, like an old childhood friend she had lost touch with. "I am going to be right back, I'm just going to check the cabinet for something that will help you."

"Thank you…" the woman said weakly, closing her eyes and lying back on the floor.

"I want you to try and remain conscious if you can, alright?" Tonks said, flicking on the lights with a wave of her wand, and she was able to notice her hands shaking a little with adrenaline as she headed for the bathroom, muttering a small revitalizing spell to the ghostly pale woman. The woman shuddered with life, gasping as the spell took hold, her cheeks slightly more pink as Tonks tried to keep her talking. "Why don't you tell me a little about yourself, where are you from?"

"I'm not from around here, I'm from a bit further off." The woman said, still clutching her chest from the effects of the spell.

"And can you tell me what happened to you? Do you remember anything?"

"I killed an old friend last night," she said weakly, and Tonks stopped in her tracks, unsure if she had heard the woman correctly.

"I'm sorry," Tonks said, continuing her search for dittany. Finally, she found the potion bottle she was looking for, and hurried over to the woman, still hesitant about treating her. There was still the question of how she ended up at the cottage. "This is going to sting a bit, but it will help enormously."

"Dittany, right?" the woman asked, wincing as Tonks placed the magical ointment over the most serious of the wounds.

"I take it you're familiar with dittany?" Tonks asked, trying to avoid revealing too much incase this woman was merely an overeducated Muggle, although something told her this woman was no Muggle.

"I'm a witch if that's what you're hinting at. And I do apologize, Nymphadora, I know this is-"

"How do you know my name?" Tonks said, sharply retracting her hand as though it had been electrocuted. The hand not holding the rag itched for her wand, thinking she might be treating some potential Death Eater who had come to terrorize she and Remus only to find their house empty, save perhaps from whoever, or whatever, had done this to her. "Who are you and what are you doing in my home?"

"I'm so sorry," the woman said again. "I thought you would have recognized me, but I clearly had not made the best of impressions the last time we met. Although I was wearing far more clothes then."

Staring into the woman's icy blue eyes, Tonks put the pieces together, remembering where she had seen this woman before- it had been during her honeymoon where it was revealed she was a werewolf from Remus' past. "Lavinia?!" Tonks said, slightly repulsed that Lavinia Cormier was bleeding to death in her home. "What in the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"That's what I thought your initial reaction was going to be," Lavinia muttered, taking over healing her wounds with the bottle of dittany. "I had nowhere else to go, believe me, but I knew no one would be home, and I was hoping to try and recover myself quickly, but as you can see, I haven't been able to manage. So thank-"

"How did you know no one was home?" Tonks demanded.

"RJ told me," Lavinia said simply, causing blind and foolish jealousy to surge through Tonks' veins like an incurable poison.

"You've spoken with Remus?" she asked, sitting down on the ground with Lavinia, feeling more like her interrogator than her savior.

"A bit, not enough for my liking," Lavinia said with a small smirk, and Tonks had the distinct impression she knew just how anxious and jealous Tonks was feeling. "But enough to know I might be safe to hide out here, just until I could get back onto my feet."

"Where is he? Is he hurt? Why hasn't he come home?" Tonks asked, pestering the still pale woman who should have been resting.

"Oh my dear," and Lavinia gave Tonks a sad, almost patronizing look, "you don't know do you? RJ's been taken hostage by Greyback."

"_What?_"

"I found him right after the two of you had a row, he was completely pissed, so I took him back to my mum's place, and unfortunately, the next day, he was taken to the woods."

"Why? What could Greyback possibly want from him?"

"Well, apart from revenge for RJ becoming a pack member under false pretenses, Greyback believes your husband capable of transforming into a werewolf without the influence of the moon."

"What are you talking about?" Tonks said, shaking her head thinking Lavinia might be spouting nonsense from the loss of blood.

"Greyback's convinced there is a way to transform, like the ancient wolves had done, whenever they chose to, not just during the full moon."

"And Remus is capable of performing such a feat?" Tonks asked, still not believing what she was hearing.

"Whether he can or cannot is not the point. The point is that Greyback wants him badly enough to keep him just barely alive to break his spirit and hope of rescue so he will assist Greyback without too much complaint."

"And you know all this how exactly?"

"Because Greyback had me under the Imperious Curse." Lavinia said, and she looked Tonks square in the eye.

"But how-"

"Well not so much Greyback himself but Caliban," Lavinia said, returning to treating her wounds.

"But how did you know you had been under the Imperious Curse? Most people claim amnesia when they are placed under-"

"I'm sure your Auror training taught you that is not entirely true," Lavinia said, a superior tone in her voice, as though scolding her about remedial maths. "Although I was not in complete faculty of my mind and my actions, after I realized what all the gaps of time were beginning to add up, I began fighting against the curse when it lost it's hold on me during nights of the full moon. I began to figure out how I was made to spy on you and RJ, giving Greyback information on RJ's whereabouts and his magical prowess. I was finally able to break away from his hold when I had been captured by the Ministry, but somehow Caliban or Greyback or whoever, was able to control my mind when I found my escape. For months this has been going on, I nearly lost my mind entirely. Finally last night, I had had enough after the full moon broke the curse and I had my revenge on Caliban. Unfortunately, Caliban is a much larger, more dominant male than my wolf form could manage and he did not die without a fight. Your husband, too, is a large reason why I am even alive, he defended me quite spectacularly."

"You… you mean his _wolf_ defended you?" Tonks asked, again, the surge of unreasonable jealousy coursed through her body. Here was this woman who knew so many aspects of Remus' life, Tonks almost felt she had more claim to call him 'husband' than she had.

"His wolf is very proud and territorial and fiercely loyal," Lavinia said knowingly, "RJ wouldn't want me talking about his wolf form so causally, but I come from another school of thought that the wolf is not something meant to be hidden so fiercely. That when we become more accepting of our other side, we can connect more to the wolf when we transform and hopefully retain our sanity."

"Remus has always said there was no way to do that." Tonks said, feeling a bit foolish correcting a female werewolf.

"Well, he would think that, but RJ is a bit of masochist when it comes to his wolf. He has always punished himself unnecessarily for something that he has no control over. If he had more acceptance of the thing he feared the most, he might find he has more control over the wolf than he ever thought possible."

"My husband is a brilliant wizard, if there was a way to control that other part of himself without the use of the Wolfsbane Potion he would have found it."

"I do not disagree with you that RJ is a brilliant wizard, but he is stubborn in his ideology that the wolf is this destructive force, when it can be so much more than that."

"Now you're sounding like Greyback," Tonks said, putting the stopper in the bottle of dittany. She didn't know how to process the fact that Lavinia Cormier was in her home, naked, badly wounded, telling her about her own husband. Who the hell was she to just assume it would be okay to come into another person's home and bleed out everywhere?

"Perhaps some of Greyback's beliefs have started to rub off on me, but being mentally and physically manipulated by him and one of his minions can have that effect on a person." Lavinia said bitterly, looking on the repair job Tonks had done to her wounds. "Nice work. RJ had tried without his wand to heal me, of course it wasn't completely effective but it probably saved me from completely bleeding out."

"Where is he now? Is he still in the caves under heavy guard, or something?"

"Not quite, but when he hasn't been nearly starved to death in the pit, Greyback has had him very closely watched by people he believed to be friends."

"You mean that one man, what was his name?"

"Caliban?" Lavinia filled in the blank.

"You were saying that he was never a friend to Remus, even though I know he was giving him information about the goings-on in the caves."

"Caliban has only ever protected Caliban. He was never one to pledge allegiance to one person or another; but he would support someone he believed it would benefit himself. Unfortunately, that man turned out to be Greyback."

"So none of the information Remus risked himself for was valuable?"

"Not necessarily. While Caliban is, or I should say _was_, working for Greyback, Thaliard has remained loyal."

"I don't think I know a Thaliard," Tonks said, rubbing the side of her head, trying to keep all these names straight. Remus had never mentioned any of these people by name to her in marital confidence, let alone to the Order. When they were mention, they were always referred to as 'his informants' or those with whom he had established a connection or willingness to fight against Voldemort and Greyback. To Tonks, they had always been nameless, faceless individuals who had gratefully befriended Remus in his year underground but people with whom she would never come to know personally. However, having Lavinia here, talking about a whole other world Tonks was woefully ignorant of, she finally made the connection that these were human beings with their own thoughts, their own lives, and their own beliefs and Tonks silently was in awe of Remus' courage to be able to befriend such dangerous and independent individuals. But her appreciation for his courage was quickly replaced with apprehension and dread as she thought of him, injured and in the care of one of the most dangerous individuals in You-Know-Who's army. "So what now?" Tonks said aloud, more to herself than to Lavinia.

"Well, my thought was that you might be able to round up some of your Ministry pals to swoop in and rescue him. Maybe taking out a few of the other top dogs in our pack, if you're feeling so inclined."

"You should know that I no longer have any connection to the Ministry, and Remus, for missing imprisonment at the full moon, is on the top of the list of people the Ministry is looking for and not in terms of helping him out."

"I thought surely some of the Order of the Phoenix members-"

"You-Know-Who as he claimed the Ministry had made sure that the Order was disbanded and all those in connection with Order activities monitored carefully. There is no one else to save him, except for me."

Lavinia looked at Tonks, studied the young woman as though she had only just seen her for the first time. Holding the towel a little closer to her body, she winced as she made to stand.

"I would just stay there for the time being," Tonks said. "You've lost a great deal of blood, and you're going to need a blood replenishing potion."

"Those never did agree with me," Lavinia said, making a face. "I'm not one for taking potions."

"Then I take it you never tried Wolfsbane?"

"Without getting too much into my rather pathetic and tragic past, let's just say I've had years in a small cage to help me control my wolf without any poison helping me to do so."

"Remus did say something about someone in your past-"

"Yes, RJ would bring Bass into it, wouldn't he?" Lavinia said, shaking her head with something akin to amusement. "Then again, the story of his death was probably one of the main things that kept him from you last year."

"What do you mean, 'kept him from me'?"

"I killed my husband," Lavinia said simply. "And RJ didn't want risk even the slightest possibility of doing the same thing to you. And had it not been for my firsthand account of what the wolf when not completely in control can do, he'd have run back to you the first moment he safely could."

"Really?" Tonks asked sounding like a small schoolgirl whose friend just confirmed her long time crush indeed liked her back. A strange lighthearted feeling began to make her heart race. Does that mean he really did love her the whole time he had been underground? That he, too, had been pining for the love that they both knew was true? She smiled a little despite herself, but quickly covered it up before Lavinia could see, as she muttered something about putting away the dittany and finding her some clothes. As she made her way back to the bathroom, she was struck by how surreally this whole day had unfolded. One minute she had been desperately trying to convince Kingsley of the danger Remus must be in, and the next, she was cleaning up the bloody remains of a tragic battle between werewolves, one of whom freely admitting to killing the other. And on top of it all, it was the werewolf Tonks had convinced herself had been keeping Remus "company" in more ways than one during the year they were apart. Turning on the taps on the sink, she splashed cool water on her face, as a wave of morning sickness hit her hard. _Don't worry little one_, she thought, placing a hand to her stomach, _we'll get your daddy out of that place_. As her stomach settled back to equilibrium, her Auror's mind was racing as to what to do next. There was a werewolf in her bedroom who had insider information on where to find Remus and potentially how to rescue him. She was a valuable asset, and one who might be able to return to the pack and free him from the inside. And if that Thaliard bloke truly was as loyal as Lavinia claimed, she might be able to convince him to help as well. A plan was already beginning to take shape in her mind as she grabbed her dressing gown to give to Lavinia.

"Here you are," she said, handing her the brightly floral dressing gown.

"Thanks," Lavinia said, removing the soiled towel without a second thought about modesty. Tonks, turning around awkwardly, slightly stunned by Lavinia's lack of diffidence in her nakedness, started explaining the plan she had been formulating in the bathroom.

"There is only one problem with me going back," Lavinia said, wincing while tying the dressing gown tightly around her bruised and battered body, "I'm not exactly going to be welcomed with open arms. I killed one of our members last night, which in terms of rule breaking, would probably be the biggest offence there is."

"Who knows you were part of the fight last night?" Tonks asked, double-checking to see if it was safe to look around.

"Just RJ, and knowing him, he'll no doubt be blaming himself for Caliban's death." Lavinia said, accepting Tonks' help in getting her to her feet and into the bed.

"So Greyback doesn't know it was you who killed this man?" Tonks said, propping Lavinia up against the pillows.

"To be honest, I can't know for certain who might have killed Caliban. I had transformed with the intent of killing, but had it not been for RJ's wolf to back me up, I would not be sitting here. And unfortunately there is no way to know for sure who in the end dealt the fatal blow." Lavinia said, closing her eyes, and Tonks could see the effects of the revitalizing spell beginning to wear off. She knew she needed rest after the ordeal her body had gone through, yet, she needed her talking, helping her to formulate a plan for Remus' safe return.

"Right, I'm going to see who else might be able to help us, but for now you should rest."

"Thank you for everything, Nymphadora," Lavnia said, smiling as her eyes closed in exhaustion.

"You know, I really don't appreciate you calling me-" Tonks started, but could tell Lavinia had already drifted off to sleep. The excited high she always received right before going on missions was now coursing through her body. It was this type of adrenaline rush that she had lived for in her early days of Auror training, and it was this rush that had kept her going through sleepless nights tracking Death Eaters with Mad-Eye. Bending over, she retrieved her wand, and seeing the crumpled notice that had been tossed aside, thought of what the Ministry was actually going to be doing about tracking down Remus. Surely they had more pressing matters to be dealt with than punishing one man for breaking a brand new law? However, with Pius Thickness now as the Minister for Magic, she had no idea what they could be capable of now. Was she being followed? Mad-Eye, she had believed, taught her to spot a tail from a mile away, as magic always left a trace. However, with everything that had been going on in her personal life, even the most basics of her Auror training seemed to be slipping. Taking a deep breath she began to figure out what was to be done next. She could not contact Kingsley, not yet, not while he was still at the very institution that had hopes of capturing Remus. She wondered whether or not she should still make it to Molly and Arthur's, but they had enough to be dealing with. She wasn't sure who she could talk to about everything that had come to light, but standing around was not what she wanted to do. Deciding to go back to her mother's she at least could bring Lavinia some supplies, as she knew the cottage would be far too bare in terms of food and sundries. Scribbling a note for Lavinia on the back of the Ministry decree, should she wake before she returned, she felt a small sense of relief that she now had the answers to the questions that had been plaguing her.

Apparating home, Tonks immediately got to work with packing a small rucksack with canned food, some of her old clothes, bandages, a blood-replenishing potion, and other things she thought Lavinia might need. The commotion of rushed packing had made Andromeda aware her daughter had returned home.

"Nymphadora? Is that you?" she called out from Ted's study.

"Yeah, mum, but I'm not staying long. I've got to get going."

"Did you find him?" Andromeda said, coming out of the solitude of her husband's personal living room, wiping a few tears from her eyes over how nostalgic simply being with his things had made her.

"No, but I know where he is, and an old… well, friend I guess you'd call her, is going to help me get him back." Tonks said, pausing a moment to take inventory of what she had gathered thus far.

"What do you mean, 'get him back'? Where is he?" Andromeda asked, all thought of better times flying from her head as her suspicious eyes narrowed, seeing the determined look on her daughter's face.

"The less you know, mum, the better." Tonks said mysteriously.

"Oh, no, I don't think so, young lady. Where are you off to with this 'friend' of his?" Andromeda said, hands on her hips, giving Tonks that look she had grown to recognize.

"It's nothing dangerous," Tonks said, trying to sound as convincing as possible, but her mother could always see through her.

"Don't you lie to me, Nymphadora. Where do you think you're going with someone who, by all accounts, is not someone to be trusted, friend or not."

"I'm not lying, mum," Tonks said, moving into the kitchen, looking as though she were searching for more food, when in reality she was desperately trying to get away from her mother's piercing gaze.

"Nymphadora Tonks, do you think I was born yesterday? I'm your mother, I can tell when you are lying and when you don't want me to worry. Now, you tell me the truth, or I'm seriously going to follow through with my threat of tying you to your own bed for the next nine months."

"Mum," Tonks said, exasperated. She now remembered why she had moved out of her parents' house ages ago. "Okay, the basics are Remus is in trouble and his friend and I are the only ones who can help him."

"I don't buy it," Andromeda said shaking her head. "What is it that you're not telling me?"

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Tonks knew it was futile to try and deceive her any longer. "He's been captured by Fenrir Greyback."

"The _werewolf_?" Andromeda said, looking so shocked as though she had only just heard of the term, 'werewolf' for the first time. "Absolutely not, you are not going to look for him if that monstrous lunatic has him. Out of the question."

"Mum, whatever you have to say to me is not going to change my mind. I'm going to save my husband."

"Nymphadora, think for one moment about what Remus would say, seeing you barging into an extremely dangerous area with some of the most fearsome predators the wizarding world has?"

"I think he'd say, 'Thanks, sweetheart for saving my ass.'" Tonks said, an eyebrow raised in frustration at her mother's delay. But she could see the point her mum was making. Remus, despite being in terrible danger, would not want her risking her life, or the life of the baby, to come and save him.

"He's not going to be very grateful when you get yourself killed."

"Since when do you have even one inkling of the goings-on in his head? You hate the man."

"I don't hate him, I just think he's putting you in an unfair position, having to constantly be on your guard because of what he is. I can see that he cares about you, Nymphadora, I'm not totally blind. But love is not always enough."

"But what about you and dad?" Tonks asked pointedly.

"Like I kept telling your father, the scenarios are completely different."

"You know, I don't think so. Your family was more than capable of killing him, and you, for marrying but you never hesitated. You loved him and you knew that love was going to see you through."

"And look at where it has gotten us!" Andromeda said, her voice breaking with emotion. The tears that she had so causally thrown aside earlier came rushing to the surface, and Tonks was hit with momentary compassion for her mother. She always thought of her parents as the ultimate example for love conquering all, a model even in girlhood she had wanted to have, a love so all consuming it defied rationale and anyone who dared to question it. But seeing the shell of the woman her mother had become since her father had left, she had begun to have doubts that such a love was healthy, because she had seen how it had consumed both of them and without the other, they became merely a husk of their former selves.

"Mum, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry dad had to leave. It was his best chance at surviving whatever madness the Ministry has in store for all Muggle-borns. But I have to chance to save Remus, to save the man I love from being a captive of the monster he fears the most. If you had even the slightest chance in saving dad, wouldn't you take it?"

Andromeda, silent tears still making wet tracks down her cheeks, looked carefully at her daughter. She nodded slowly, adding a quiet, "you know I would."

"Then why can't I save Remus?"

"Because you're pregnant," Adromeda said, stubbornly wiping away her tears, resuming her role as mother hen. "And while I still have breath in my body I'm not going see my daughter, the one remaining member of family I have, put herself in overwhelming danger."

"Mum, once again, I did hold a position as the youngest person to be accepted into the Auror Department for a reason. You never give me enough credit for my magical ability."

"I know that you are more than capable of taking down dark wizards, and completing missions, and doing everything the Auror Department or Alastor Moody threw at you. But I also know that you are blind when it comes to the area of Remus Lupin. Not to mention, you have someone else to be thinking about. I would not have even Merlin himself go to rescue Remus under those circumstances."

Tonks knew her mother spoke the truth, and she hated she was right. Had she not just regained her metamorphmagus abilities, which had been lost due to the depression breaking up with Remus had caused? She shook her head, her eyes searching the room, trying to find some way around her mother's logic but it could not be found.

"Fine, I won't go, but mum, this woman needs our help and she is our best chance of getting Remus back."

"Where is she?" Andromeda asked, looking a little pleased with herself that she could persuade her daughter from this dangerous mission.

"At the cottage resting. She was badly injured from last night's full moon."

"She's a werewolf, too?" Andromeda said, rolling her eyes and folding her arms over her chest. "For once, I'd love for you to have some _normal_ friends."

"Trust me, she's no friend of mine, but she is the best chance we have."

"I still don't understand who this mysterious woman is," Andromeda said, still looking skeptical. As though on cue, the _whoosh_ and _thud_ of someone Apparating into the back garden could be heard, and immediately, Tonks and Andromeda had their wands held at the ready, making their way toward the disturbance. Looking around the garden, Tonks could not immediately see who the unexpected guest could be, but heard a small voice say, "Over here!" Andromeda did not immediately hear the voice and began to make her way around the house to see if the culprit was on the move.

Tonks, cautiously making her way toward the voice, found Lavinia hiding behind the shed, her wounds that had been so carefully sealed oozing blood onto her favorite dressing gown. "Mum!" Tonks called out, "Over here! Quick!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Lavinia said, feeling a new gash on her face. "I was only just able to escape."

"Escape what?" Tonks said, helping her to her feet, as Andromeda came running over, seeing just who had come into their yard unannounced.

"Nymphadora, bring her inside to the kitchen, quickly," Andromeda said, her Healer's training taking over at the sight of the blood, and sprang immediately into action. Running ahead of her daughter who had been weighed down by the ragged body of this stranger, she held the door open and directed her to lay her down on the kitchen table.

"Lavinia, what did you escape from?" Tonks asked again, as she waited for her mother to return from the medicine cabinet.

"The Ministry… they knew someone had broken into your house." Lavinia said breathlessly, wincing in pain from her newly opened wounds. "I don't think I was followed, but you're going to have to hide me if they come here. I'm a wanted werewolf," she said, shoving the sleeve of the bloodied dressing gown up her forearm and Tonks saw for the first time the raised skin forming the numbers "7139". She remembered Remus telling her how the Ministry had begun branding the numbers into the skin of some newly registered werewolves, but seeing it in person, it was all she could do from stifling her rage towards the Ministry and the way it had treated those they had deemed "less than human".

"It's going to be alright, dear," Andromeda said, finally coming back, supplies in hand.

"I don't mean to involve you," Lavinia said looking between Andromeda and Tonks. "I just have nowhere else to go. They killed… they killed my mum. I can't go home."

"No doubt, but right now, I don't want you thinking about that. You have some extremely serious wounds on some very dangerous areas of your body, so I'm going to quickly stabilize these and then my daughter and I are going to move you to the attic, in case those over zealous Ministry thugs come looking again for you."

"Thank you, thank you," Lavinia kept repeating, even as Andromeda was cauterizing the deepest of the wounds, burning and stinging her flesh, she was still so grateful for this kindness. As soon as Andromeda said she could be moved, they helped her up, and carefully brought her to the attic, which with its heavy coat of dust, did not seem like the most appropriate place to bring a convalescent woman. With an expert wave of her wand, Andromeda cleared a place, an old mattress made itself ready from seemingly nowhere, as they carefully laid down Lavinia.

"Now, Nymphadora, I'm going to finish dressing her wounds, you keep a look out if anyone should come looking for her."

"Mum," Tonks protested, hating to be made the look out when all of the action was happening up here.

"Go!" Her mother commanded with all the force of her Black Family background, and Tonks reluctantly left. She hated having feel as those she was completely useless in a crisis, but she knew that her mother was the experienced Healer and could help the situation more than she ever could. Heading out of the house, she placed sensory detectors around the whole of house and yard so that should anyone attempt to Apparate or fly in, an invisible alarm would sound inside the house. She wondered if it was she or Lavinia who had alerted the Ministry to the presence of people in the cottage. Most likely, having lost so much blood, Lavinia probably had no time to see the posting. What was more alarming was how quickly Lavinia was able to find her parents' home. She remembered Remus having said Lavinia was one of the best trackers he had ever seen. She made a mental note to not causally Apparate to her desired location immediately, and instead Apparate several locations so as not to be so easily followed. Heading back into the house feeling confident about her protection spells, she wondered what was to be done. All thought of storming the wood for her lost partner seemed out of the question with the state Lavinia found herself in, and having been convinced by her mother that it was irrational to think she could be level headed when it came to Remus. As she made to climb the final set of stairs to the attic, her mother descending wiping her hands of blood, stopped her from proceeding.

"How is she?" Tonks asked, letting her mother pass by making for the loo to wash her hands.

"She's resting now, I gave her a sedative, but ultimately she'll be fine. When I was able to examine her properly, it appeared she's had more than one wizard trying to heal her wounds, and as crude as the magic was, it probably saved her life. She was in no shape to Apparate and it's a miracle she didn't splinch herself and bleed out. She must be a very gifted witch to manage it."

"I suppose so," Tonks said, hating to admit how gifted Lavinia Cormier might be.

"I take it that's Remus' 'friend' you had been talking about? The werewolf?"

"Yeah, that's her," Tonks confirmed.

"She's rather beautiful," her mother said nonchalantly.

"Oh, mum, I know what you're thinking, but nothing like that happened between her and Remus."

"Hmm," was all Andromeda had to say about the matter, but something in her mother's sardonic express made her jealousy bubble unwisely to the surface.

"Nothing happened, mum, Remus would have told me. And even if something had, we weren't technically together when he was underground, so there is nothing to be getting your knickers in a twist about."

"I'm not, I haven't said a word." Andromeda said, her knowing smile revealing once more that Tonks could not fool her mother into thinking that she had not worried about this beautiful werewolf seducing Remus.

"Whatever," Tonks said, shrugging off her mild jealousy. "We have bigger things to worry about than what might or might not have happened in past. We need to think about the present and getting Remus to safety."

"My darling, even if by some blessing from Merlin above, you are able to get Remus safely away from Fenrir Greyback, where are you going to take him? He's wanted by the Ministry, and by the werewolves, you cannot simply take him back here, or back to the cottage, which we now know is being monitored by the Ministry."

"I… I hadn't thought that far ahead," Tonks said foolishly. Mentally, she kicked herself for being out smarted by her mother, and it finally hit home that she was not the person to execute this plan, she had too much at stake. Looking down at her watch, she examined the time and thought of contacting Kingsley again. "I need to send an owl," she said, walking into her old bedroom where her owl had taken to roost since being uprooted from now two different homes, and doubted very much he would appreciate having to be moved yet again. "Wagtail," she said, waking the sleeping owl, scratching the top of his head with her knuckle. "Wake up, Wag. I need you to take this to Kingsley." Writing out a small note with instructions on contacting her in the same place as this morning, she gave it to Wagtail who stretched out his wings, before taking the note in his beak and soaring out of the open window. Tonks knew better than to try and contact Kingsley through Patronus as it would draw too much attention, however, she was impatient and hated having to wait for a response. Pacing her room, biting her nails, she did not notice her mother leaning against the doorway watching her.

"You know, no matter how old you become, Nymphadora, at times you still remind me of that little girl who woke dad and I in the middle of the night because she could not wait for Christmas morning."

"Patience has never been my strong suit," Tonks agreed, and seeing her already neglected nail bed becoming even more shambolic, she sat down at the edge of her bed, hands buried in her lap, as her mother came over to join her.

"No, I would not say patience is your finest quality, but my girl, I am ever so proud of the woman you have become, you know that right?" Andromeda said, running her fingers through her hair the way she would when Tonks was a girl.

"I know, mum," she mumbled. She always felt these quiet, honest moments with her mother were slightly awkward as she was more inclined to quarrel with her, than to gossip or express affection for one another. Her mother had always been her biggest advocate, she knew that, but her uptight nature and rather pessimistic outlook had made it hard for a young Tonks, who was boisterous and happy-go-lucky from the moment she was born, to really have a genuine connection with her mum.

"I know you have what feels like the weight of the world on your shoulders right now, and even if we were living in a perfect world, you would probably be feeling the same way."

"How so?"

"I don't think you've really thought about the fact that very soon, you are going to be a mum. And from the moment you know you're going to have a child, the world is never the same."

And Tonks was momentarily stunned. For everything that had been going on perhaps her mother had a point; as fiercely protective she had become of this very new life, she had not stop to really contemplate the fact that should the pregnancy proceed without a hitch, she was going to be a mum. And the thought of having a living being solely dependent on her for everything was frightening. She had never thought herself the mothering type, and even now, picturing herself with a child in her arms, she felt so clueless and out of place.

Perhaps seeing the terror spread across her face, Andromeda moved closer to hold her daughter close. "You are going to be a great mother, Nymphadora. You are bold and courageous and you love with all your heart, your son or daughter will be very lucky."

"Even if its half werewolf?" Tonks said, smiling despite the tears that had crept to the surface.

"_Especially_ if its half werewolf. I'm not denying that parenting is hard; it's the hardest job there is. And having a child with, well, something that makes them a little different, certainly does not make the work any less difficult. But when you can see your child, who had struggled with their difference, overcome it and succeed beyond anything you could have hoped for them, it makes everything so completely worth it."

"I just wish you would be more accepting of its father," Tonks muttered, looking down at her hands.

"It's hard for a mother to see her only child fall in love with a man who was almost everything she never wanted for her."

"But-" Tonks started to protest, but Andromeda held up her hand to silence her.

"That being said, all I truly want is for you to be happy and loved. And if he is the man who does that for you, I will try and do my best to keep my opinions to myself."

Tonks snorted back her disbelief. "Andromeda Black biting her tongue? What, has the apocalypse come early?"

"Very funny, but you have to know I _am_ trying."

"I know you are, I just wish we could speed along this period of 'trying' into the period of 'accepting'."

"Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that," she said, standing up, holding her hand out to bring Tonks off the bed. "Come on, we need to plan how we are going to retrieve your lost dog."

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><p><strong>an**: Oh my goodness, where do I even begin to make amends?! Its been so so long since I have updated, and for that I am so truly sorry to all of my loyal readers who have been so patient with me and this story! I have been so wrapped up in my career in New York and writing a novel with the hopes of publication, I haven't had the time I usually dedicated to my fanfic, but I'm back in a big way with fresh new ideas for all of the stories I have on this site. For everyone waiting for the reunion of Tonks and Lupin, your wait is nearly over, so please stick around for the next chapter (which will come much sooner!)

if you have any comments, questions, words to bash me for my appalling lack of updates, I'd love to hear them all!


	29. Friend of the Devil

**a/n: **unfortunately, i am not the head of warner brothers, nor am i j.k. rowling, therefore many of these characters that are about of the harry potter universe are not my own, merely my play things for my own amusement and for the amusement of others. no copyright infringement is intended. m rating for adult situations and themes, as well as language and violence, and quick reminder that long italicized entries indicate a flashback. as always i hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 29: Friend of the Devil <strong>

_The smell of her skin so fresh from bathing inflamed Remus' senses as he watched her dry her short pink hair with a towel._

_"If you don't hurry and get dressed we're going to be late for the meeting." She said, finally noticing where his attention was so focused on._

_"Don't you think we could miss just this once, I mean, do you think they really need us there?" Remus said pleadingly, knowing he sounded rather childish in his request. There was something about the way she was able to make him forget about his aching joints, or monthly episodes of madness that he could focus on the present, and live for the moment, much the way he had done when he was in school. _

_"Remus Lupin, it's certainly not like you to bugger off from Order duties. What has gotten into you?" She said, flopping down on the bed next to him, coming close enough for him to reach up and touch her still wet hair._

_"Nothing, I just thought it might be a nice change of pace for us to have some time to ourselves."_

_"While I'm all for a little time to ourselves, I do think that Sirius will be thoroughly put out if we don't go to the meeting tonight. You know how moody he's been lately."_

"_Bugger Sirius, he's always been a moody git when he wants attention," Remus said, kissing her clean skin, beginning with her bare shoulders._

"_Don't you dare start something you're not able to finish," she said quietly, her eyes fluttering closed as she clearly was enjoying this rare display of affection. Motivated by her words, he slowly, tantalizingly moved his way up her neck, continuing his loving devotion along her jaw, stopping briefly at her lips, a small sigh of anticipation exhaled before he devoured this too. _"_Oh," she breathed, pressing her body closer to his, running her nails through his hair, as Remus moved lower, hearing her madly beating heart pumping with the familiar sounds of eager expectancy. Taking again her mouth, his hands brushed ever so lightly over her lightly clothed breasts, causing a pleasurable shudder to run along her spine, involuntarily making her bring him closer to her wanting body._

"_Remus," she sighed again, waiting for him to take control. "Remus…" _

Remus woke with a start; the dream he had been having had been so pleasant, so all consuming he could have happily wished himself in that deep sleep for all of eternity, but something had disturbed him. Blinking back the still unfamiliar sunlight, he looked around to see what woke him so unceremoniously. At first he could not find the source, but sitting himself up further, he could see what had; a little girl, no more than five years old, was shyly peaking her head from behind the end of the cot, seeing if Remus was awake.

"Why, hello there. What's your name?" Remus asked pleasantly, yawning and stretching his limbs while his annoyance at the culprit to his sleep disruption was quickly turned to adorable curiosity. The little girl, with nearly white blonde hair and contrasting dark brown eyes, simply kept hiding behind the end of the bed. "Where's your mum?" Remus asked, looking around as though to see at any moment a frazzled mother coming in to scoop up her inquisitive child. But no such mother came. With mortality rates as high as they were for families in the caves, Remus thought perhaps the subject of parents should have been handled a little more delicately. "Uh, your dad, perhaps?"

Still, the little girl said nothing, her large brown eyes peering up at Remus as though he was the most curious man she had ever seen.

Feeling a little put off, he bravely tried again to engage with the little girl. "What brings you to this part of the cave?" Remus asked, hoping the girl had the ability to speak, and he wondered momentarily if the horrors of transformation had turned the girl mute.

The little girl held up her index finger, showing a bad cut on it. This part of the cave had become the pack's makeshift hospital, a place for the wolves to congregate to bandage one another's wounds and heal together as a community. In fact, while Remus had remained isolated on his cot after the horrors the full moon had brought and Caliban's broken body had been taken away, dozens of werewolves had come and gone, using magical means and non, to heal their wounds, grateful that this moon had not been their last. Remus watched as people would come together to try and mend or grieve for those who had not made it; for as filthy and distorted as the caves could be, there was a true sense of community and friendship, sharing their curse as one. For Remus, as a well known traitor to the pack and now killer to one of their fiercest members, there were no happy smiles or warm words of comfort that he had lived to see another day; in fact many of those who had come to recoup turned their back on him, some even snarling their disapproval. He knew it pointless to try and explain himself, or to even express his sympathy that the man he had once called friend was dead.

It seemed, however, that this little girl had not received the care she needed during the recovery time, or perhaps it was merely a recent accident in her human form. Either way, she needed a healing spell or at the very least an antiseptic potion. "Well, I haven't seen anyone for some time, but your more than welcome to wait with me for someone to patch you up." Remus said, giving her a warm smile. It was nice to have company, no matter how small or quiet it may be.

The little girl smiled and happily climbed up onto the bed, Remus shifting his bad leg out of the way. It had been hard in the days following the full moon, after the reality of what the beast inside of him could truly do, settled into his bones like some deadly cancer. The monstrous wolf had torn apart Caliban and had quite possibly, killed Lavinia. While he knew this to be a wild accusation, no one yet had brought forth the evidence to tell him the contrary. He had not seen Thaliard, as he had been trying to track down Lavinia, and it was possible that his long absence meant she had managed to escape. Of course, there was the other possibility that someone had removed her mangled corpse before he or Thaliard had a chance to burry it properly. So while the community was bandaging one another, and shunning him completely, it gave Remus the time he needed to think. It was clear Greyback was not going to let him leave on his own, not that he had much of a chance of Apparating safely; his ankle was still the major source of detainment, for as much as it might have healed, it was still stubbornly swollen and quite possibly still broken and he simply was no good without his wand. As much as rest and decent nutrition might be able to rejuvenate some his wandless powers, his prowess with medicinal magic was no better than it had been even at his full strength.

He continued to smile at the little girl, who happily sat in silence on the edge of his cot, swinging her legs back and forth, waiting for someone to heal her cut.

"So," Remus began awkwardly, not sure what to talk about, or even if the girl wanted to talk. "How did you hurt yourself?"

The girl pursed her lips to the side, looking as though she were thinking hard, before turning back to Remus, hands curled in a clawed position, and bearing her teeth like fangs.

"The moon? You hurt yourself under the moon?"

The girl nodded her head solemnly, putting away her fangs and claws, looking sheepish.

"Well, we all have scars from the moon, nothing to be ashamed of," Remus said comfortingly. He felt a twinge of sorrow for this little girl, who had done nothing wrong in her entire life, but was made to suffer every month something he would not wish on his worst enemy. Well, perhaps on Voldemort... "You see this," he said, pushing back the sleeve of his shirt to show her one of his recent wounds on his wrist. "I got this the other night, but someone here patched me up and I'm as good as new. You should always be proud of your scars because they are a reminder that you overcame something that bigger men have fallen victim too. It proves you are a very brave warrior."

Remus could see the girl's eyes begin to light up as though seeing her condition in a new manner, and Remus thought inwardly that perhaps he should take more of his own advice and not be so ashamed of his own miraculous body.

"That's some good advice, little pup, you should take care to listen." Remus whipped his head around to see who was speaking. It was the young man who had come to this part of the caves to inspect those still lying in wait for the repair of their more serious wounds. "This man used to be a professor." It took a moment for Remus to recognize the man as Timon, the one who had helped him the other day with Thaliard, although the sarcasm in his voice was not lost on him. "So, little pup, what seems to be the problem?" The little girl held up her injured finger to Timon, who came over to examine it properly. "Ah, a little salve and you'll be as right as rain."

She looked to her finger and then to Remus as though to say, 'I'm going to be just fine.' Remus returned a smile for good fortune, wishing a little salve was all _he_ needed. He had a feeling Timon, who was one of the few granted special permission to use his wand within the caves, could have healed him in an instant, but no doubt special orders from Greyback had kept him confined the cot. He had been giving a walking cane for the times he could not sit still, however, putting any amount of weight on his ankle had proven an exercise in masochism, so would manage a few hobbled outings before gratefully returning to his rutted makeshift bed.

"This might sting a bit, but it will heal you right up." Remus watched as Timon expertly applied the healing purple salve as the little girl winced, holding out her good hand to Remus, which he took hold, allowing her tiny fingers to squeeze his own as Timon finished his ministration. "All set, now, why don't you run along, Ava? I think I saw Fillin and Rafe and a few of the others pups playing 'Catch the Dragon's Tail' near the entrance."

Ava smiled her widest yet and hopped off the bed to run towards her friends.

"Poor thing," Timon said, placing the lid back on the jar of salve. "Mother and father kicked her out after some wild wolf bit her while the family was on holiday a few months back. And if that wasn't horrible enough, during her first transformation, the pain was so unbearable, mid transformation, she bit right through her tongue with her fangs. Almost died from the blood loss… And although her tongue has healed as well as I could mange, she still won't talk. For the life of me, I cannot be sure if it's a choice or if the damage to the tongue was so severe she cannot move it. But it's good to see her up and about. She wasn't very social when she came to us, but really has found a connection with some of the other pups here."

"It is always so remarkable to me that these children have endured so much unnecessary pain and suffering. They should be in school, playing with their friends, not having to worry every month about death."

"There was talk amongst some of the parents to start educating the kids, you know, just some of the basics like reading and writing, as well as basics on magic and signs to look for when they might be coming into their powers. But as soon as Greyback heard the words 'magic' and 'education', he completely squashed the idea."

"He cannot think that teaching the children something as fundamental as reading and writing would possibly be a detriment to his plans for world domination?"

"Plans for 'world domination'? My, aren't we bold." Timon said, his eyes wide, clearly not used to the idea about a wolf who was so vocal in his dissatisfaction about their pack leader.

"Well, it's probably not too far from the mark about where he ultimately would like to see himself, being something more than lap dog to You-Know-Who."

"You really shouldn't speak that way about Pack Leader," Timon said, looking around quickly as though expecting to see Greyback at any moment.

"If Fenrir was going to kill me I'd be dead already," Remus said with a scoff.

"I would be thanking your lucky stars he has had some restraint and _not_ killed you, especially with your lack of respect. From where I'm sitting, you seem to be in his debt."

"I could never become indebted to that man. He was the one who cursed my life forever, and now is the reason I cannot be with the woman I love."

"Yes, Thaliard did tell me a little about your other life, outside of the pack. I am sorry, truly, that you cannot be with the one you love. No one should have to suffer being unnecessarily parted from their loved ones. Although, my sympathies can only extend so far, as you are a well-known traitor to the pack."

"No information about any member here was given to the Ministry in exchange for Galleons, I can swear to that!" Remus said, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"Yeah, all right," said Timon, clearly not believing him, "and all those men captured last month and branded with registration numbers, was what, exactly? A happy coincidence?"

"Well it wasn't the result of me talking to anyone if that's what you're suggesting," Remus said, suddenly weary from constantly having to prove his innocence; he had nothing else from the other wolves in residence.

"I suppose, whether you're guilty or not is of no consequence anymore. Pack Leader brought you back for a reason, one I feel confident will benefit the entire pack."

"And if he could let me know what the bloody hell that reason might be, I would be eternally grateful." Remus said, lying back down on his cot and closing his eyes, not wanting to rehash every frustration he had been having with this man. "It feels as though even _he_ doesn't know what to do with me. I do wish he'd make up his mind. Either kill me, let me go or put me to work in some capacity, I cannot continue to sit around without a purpose, I will go mad!"

There was a brief pause in the conversation, prompting Remus to open his eyes once more. He watched as Timon surveyed him for a moment, looking more worried than he had seen him, and knew the man to be experiencing some kind of inner turmoil. "Look," Timon said, his voice low and his manner secretive, "I've got a bit of Skele-Gro in my bag. Not enough to completely heal your ankle, mind you, but enough."

"Really? And you'd be willing to give it to me? What's the catch?" Remus said, knowing that nothing in these caves came freely.

"No catch, really," Timon added seeing Remus' skeptical look. "I once was very much in love with a woman, you know, before all this," and he indicated the caves. "But fate was not quite as kind to me as it has been to you. See, after I had been bitten, she promised to still love me, that she would accept me for all of my flaws, but after that first transformation, she could not stand to be near me. So the fact that you have found a human to love you and love your wolf, is something rather rare and I could not in good consciousness help to prevent those two people from being together."

"Thank you," Remus said, grateful for the man's kindness, but still unsure of his motives. Although Timon's tale of unrequited love was touching, it was an all too common story for many in these caves.

"You cannot let Pack Leader know you've had any, I was given very explicit orders not to give you any unnecessary medical help." Timon said, still looking rather wary about handing over such a rare potion to have in the caves.

"Of course, of course, he'll never know."

"I don't know if you've ever taken the stuff," he said, rummaging through the worn out messenger bag he wore across his body, "but you might want to consider something to bite down on. You won't be getting the proper dosage, mind, but it's still going to be bloody painful."

"Can't be any worse than the pain I'm in now," Remus muttered, but quickly changed his attitude. This man was clearly breaking a direct order from Greyback, an offense that could go severely punished, and there was no reason he should not be completely grateful for this small act of kindness. Handing him a vial of the liquid, Timon hesitated before giving it to him.

"Please," he said, the forced aging casting dark shadows across his face, "Pack Leader _cannot_ find out. You'll have to feign the injury a bit longer, at least until Pack Leader has told you his intentions or you might find a way to escape."

"He'll never know, Timon, you have my word." Remus said, looking the man directly in the eye. This seem to ease some of Timon's hesitation as he relinquished control over the vial and Remus felt at last the future was looking brighter. With his ankle back to semi-working order he stood a chance of at last going home to Nymphadora, to the human who loved him.

"Don't take it now, wait until dark, more of this lot will have cleared out by then." Timon said, indicating the other recuperating patients.

"Of course," Remus said, putting the vial into the pocket of his trousers.

"I'm sorry I can't do more for you," Timon said, although Remus still was not entirely sure of his intent. "While I don't always support Pack Leader and his decisions, I have made a life for myself here and I cannot jeopardize that."

"And I would never want anyone's home here to be in trouble, you must know that. I had once believed there was a way to have the others see that the possibility for a better life than the one Fenrir has made can be attainable, that my own life might serve as some kind of model for living amongst the wizards for so long. But I forgot how supportive the pack can be, and how much of our own community has been created in these caves. Families and friends, commerce and trade, even a makeshift hospital; it's like a small town. But the basic human conditions are intolerable."

"I would tend to agree with you, especially when it comes to even the most basic sanitation. But like I said, I have a home here, a home when everyone else has turned their back on me. And I'm not going to be giving that up any time soon. Not when the future is so uncertain."

"Timon, I am sorry I did not get to know you better the last time I was here. You seem like a decent fellow and I'm glad to know you now." Remus held out his hand to shake, and Timon, not having shook the hand of any man for years, took it with appreciation.

"Remember, don't take the vial till late tonight, for your own safety. I'll be back around later to check on everyone if you need anything else."

"Actually, there is something I do need. A few sheets of parchment and some ink."

"I'll do my best," Timon said, curious about what Remus could possibly have to write down, but did not inquire further.

Remus was recharged, energized, surging with hope and possibility. He now had the means to return home, to return to her, to return to _both_ of them. He could not even begin to contemplate the ways he would begin to make amends with her, for those words said so long ago still rang in his ears as though they had just been shouted. Perhaps when he was at a safer distance from Greyback he might be able to aid Thaliard in his quest for a better life for his daughter Thaisa. He might too be able to help solve the mystery of what had happened to Lavinia's body. So many things were now unfolding before him, possibilities for taking down Greyback, perhaps even Voldemort himself.

But it all began with getting back to her.

The absence of her in his life had been the most painful part of being back in the caves. Remus had hardly gone one moment without thinking about Nymphadora; what she might be doing today, what she was wearing, what she might have gone through during the full moon. He had no knowledge if she still carried the child that had brought him to the breaking point, the child he had in his own way grown to accept and love, the child he wished he would be coming home to. While he still feared for the safety of both mother and child, he had realized during the lonely hours in the pit, or lying in solitude on his cot that he wanted nothing more than to be the husband Nymphadora deserved, which meant being the best father to their child he could possibly be. Being back in the caves had shown the resilience of children, that even though their lives were constantly at risk, with enough love and support, they were able to grow and become stronger from having the condition that plagued them. That the scars they bore had proven they were more than just their monthly transformations. He almost had wished he had grown up in this pack of fellows, perhaps he might have been more understanding and appreciative of what a miracle his body was for its endurance. He wondered, too, just what Greyback had in store for him, although he hoped to be long gone by the time Greyback was ready to deploy him.

He figured Skele-Gro, even at a small dosage, might take some time to do its job and repair the bone in his ankle, so planned on taking it just after nightfall, giving him the highest chance for being able to Appartate before dawn. He wanted to say goodbye to Thaliard, to try and convince him to come back with him, but he had no way of reaching him. With the parchment and ink he hoped Timon would return with, he hoped to leave a note for Thaliard. He too, wanted to leave a few gifts for the children here, to help them with their basic education.

"_Always the professor,"_ he felt he could hear Lavinia saying to him. But he knew in his heart he could not just leave these children here without something to better their lives.

…

Time moves slowly when something you have longed for is on the brink of reality, and the same felt true for Remus. He felt as though night would never come. Slowly, throughout the day, other patients began making their way from the recuperation area, and Timon, surprisingly brought him all the parchment and ink he could have hoped for. And surprisingly still, he agreed to give the letters to Thaliard when he returned from his rescue mission. Having written Thaliard a note, he decided that in case the worse should happen and his plans for escape would be discovered, he thought to write to Nymphadora, and to his unborn child. He did not know what made him decide to write these other letters, however, he knew that should he leave this Earth without ever knowing the brave and beautiful child Nymphadora carried, he should have an honest account of the man his, or her, father was. He felt better having written down all his shame, all his regret, but most importantly all his love for this child and for his wife, but more than that, he felt that there might be a final way to say goodbye to Nymphadora. He trusted that Thaliard would do all he could to get these letters to Tonks and he felt sure they would give her a small comfort should he perish in his attempt at returning home.

Just after nightfall, when the other cots were nearly all empty, Remus took the vial in hand, and very quickly drained the potion in one go. It was bitter and awful tasting, nearly making him gag, but he did not care about taste, he just wished the effects could be sped along so that he might stealthily make his way to the cave entrance and Disapparate. He did not immediately feel the potion's effects, and he worried it would not do any good. But the pain was swift and sudden, hitting square in the place he knew his ankle to be broken. He muffled a welp of pain with his fist, looking around to see if anyone had noticed his new discomfort, but no one had. There were only two others with him, and both were not likely to make any kind of speedy recovery. He continued to bite down on his own hand, wishing the pain to ease so he might test his own weight a bit, to see just how stealthily he'll be able to move. Before he left too, he had a mental note about where he might reconnect with his wand. Having been without it for far too long, he yearned for the surge of magical energy he could feel within his body and he would need every ounce of magic stored within him to Disapparate home. Slowly, the pain in his ankle began to ease, leaving behind the pulsing sensation of blood flow to the newly mended bone. But before Remus could even attempt to place his foot to the floor, there was something from out of the corner of his eye that caught his attention: a pair of icy blue eyes that seemed to glow almost magically through the darkness.

"Liv?" Remus said quietly into the darkness, not quite believing what he was seeing. But almost as quickly as he had seen the apparition, it was gone. Fueled by curiosity, Remus took an ungainly step out from his bed. Though the pain in his ankle was still there, it was slowly easing away, and he felt sure that it had healed enough for him to be able to move, if not quickly, with some efficiency. Moving away from the recovery area of the caves, Remus felt his way along the narrow passages, lit dimly by the periodical torch. He moved away from the usual sounds of comforting silence from the designated sleeping dens, the slightly more boisterous common areas, the subdued hum of activity as the last of the merchants packed their goods from the day's trade, until at long last the entrance to the cave was visible. Surprised no one had discovered his recovery and attempted escape, Remus thought as to where he might be able to find his wand. It was the sensation of someone watching him that turned his attention away from the entrance of the cave. He could not see anyone at present, however, he knew someone was watching him, he could smell their scent on the evening air. Thinking it surely to be a guard or someone else to prevent him from escaping, Remus felt resigned, and nearly put his hand up in surrender to the invisible watcher.

"Whoever is there," he started, slowly turning around in all directions, "I'm unarmed, and merely stretching my legs."

"Stretching your legs or no, I could still kill you right now if I wanted to," said a quiet low voice, so contrasted from his own louder pronouncement.

"I'm sorry?" Remus asked, whipping his head around toward the sound of the voice.

"You'd do well not to make yourself so bloody obvious," said the cool voice again through the dark, this time coming from a different direction. "And I here I thought you were intelligent... _professor_."

Remus smiled slightly, knowing just whom the owner of the phantom voice belonged to. "Well, I never was good at stalking my prey like you, Cormier," he said, still searching for the corporeal form of his once dead friend.

"Move toward the back of the caves, it's safer there," Lavinia said and Remus could hear faint footsteps moving toward the back of the caves, away from the entrance. But he did not immediately move with her. He had a momentary lapse in conviction to follow, as the rational and protective side of his brain thought wildly, _"This could be a trap, old boy, perhaps you should use this opportunity to escape while you can!" _But the possibility of knowing beyond a doubt if Lavinia was dead or alive was all the motivation he needed. Quickly and quietly he followed the faint footsteps until both Remus and the phantom had stopped in a small dark out cove.

"Alright, Liv, enough with the theatrics. I thought you were dead," Remus said, his eyes trying to penetrate through the darkness to see any outline of her body.

"No doubt you have been holding yourself responsible, but it was Caliban who attacked me. In many ways, I owe you my life, RJ." Said Lavinia, whose voice was stronger and clearer yet Remus could still not see her shape.

"I can appreciate the need for the secrecy, but I'd like to inspect the damage for myself, if you please. What are you using to hide from me? An invisibility cloak?"

"A Disillusionment Charm, but not my best I'm afraid. It will wear off soon enough, so we don't have much time."

"You mean to tell me that you are going to remain invisible while I talk to you?" Remus asked, scratching his head a little, feeling foolish that he should appear to be talking to no one.

"Better to look foolish than to have Greyback catch the pair of us. Did you really think you could just walk away from the caves, just like that? Just right through the front entrance like you were going for a Sunday stroll?"

"Well, it seemed to be going fine until you decided to show up. Or, I suppose, not show up."

"Either Greyback really did a number in trying to brain wash you, or you've lost all common sense completely. You cannot simply walk out and Disapparate. Greyback had some of the Death Eaters use advance Dark Magic to insure the safety of the caves, and as you are public enemy number one to Greyback, the only way out of the caves is with magic."

"I'm sure I would be able to break through any kind of enchantment if I still had my wand."

"With blood magic, professor. These are Dark Wizards we're talking about," said Lavinia, and Remus didn't need to see her face to know she had an eyebrow raised for his stupidity. "So unless you have a drop of Greyback's blood, or are willing to bleed yourself or someone else dry for a chance at escape, there is no way you're getting out of these caves any time soon."

"Liv, you don't understand, I have to go, I have to be with my wife!" Remus said, his temper rising. Home was so close he could almost smell Nymphadora's scent, enticing him like a the aroma of baking bread.

"Speaking of which, she sends her love," Lavinia said, and Remus noted the smile in her voice.

"Nymphadora? You spoke with her? When? How is she? Does she know I'm here?"

"Now is not the time to play twenty questions, professor, the important thing is that yes, she knows where you are, and we have a plan to help you escape."

"You do? Is the Order helping-"

"What did I say about questions? Everything will be answered in due course, but the main thing to worry about is getting past the guards and Greyback's blood enchantment."

"And how in Merlin's name are we to do that?"

"By giving him something that he has always wanted, but could never really have. Me."

"_What?_" Remus said, his voice raised that the question echoed through the darkened cavern as though hundreds of voices kept repeating the question Remus could find no answer to.

"Keep your voice down! Listen, it's the only way for you to be with your wife again-"

"Lavinia Cormier, if you think for one second I'm going to let you sacrifice yourself-"

"Oh, grow up, RJ. I'm not just doing this for you, I'm doing it for your child. Every child needs a father and I'll be damned if I have to watch yours grow up with merely its mother when I had a chance to save both of its parents."

Remus was breathing heavily; it felt as though something was unraveling and simultaneously knitting itself together again. He ran his fingers through his greying hair, the all too familiar feeling of wanting to pace began to make his legs tingle uncomfortably. "Liv, I don't-"

"Oh, save it would you? Let me finish talking before this charm wears off. I'm sure you've been wondering how and why Greyback captured you in the first place, and why on earth he's been keeping you alive. He believes, and with good reason, that you hold the key to unlocking the mystery of our condition."

"How-"

"Whether you want to believe it or not," Lavinia pointedly interrupted him, annoyed by all his questions, "you are an exceptionally gifted wizard, RJ Lupin. You have power that you have not even scratched the surface of. Perhaps had you not been bitten so many years ago, you would might have been given the chance to study how to tap into that power, but life is full of 'what-ifs' isn't it? Sadly for you, you never did, however, you may be able to use that unclaimed energy to transform without the influence of the moon."

"_What?_" Remus asked, disbelief etched into every fiber of his being. This certainly was an interesting tale, and if this really was the reason Greyback had been keeping him alive all this time, he was a bigger fool than Remus had thought.

"You still are not picking up on what I am saying," said Lavinia, clearly frustrated at how dimwitted Remus currently seemed to be. "If you have the power to transform without the moon, you might have the power NOT to transform under the moon."

"Liv, you have no idea what you're talking about, and if Greyback has been keeping me alive for this reason, well, he has been wasting his time."

"Even if that were the case, you should still be thankful you might have the chance to see your wife and child at the end of all of this."

"But how is having this 'special power', as you say, going to help me escape? And what does that have to do with you giving yourself to that despicable man?"

"I can get closer to Greyback than anyone else, and without Caliban controlling me, I have the clear mind and determination to do it."

"Caliban was-"

"Yeah, he had me under the Imperious Curse to spy on you, blah, blah, blah," Lavinia said, and Remus could almost see her waving her hand like it was of no consequence. "The point is, we can get you out of here, and we have a plan."

"Whose 'we'?"

"Nymphadora and I," Lavinia said simply.

"I don't want her coming anywhere near these caves," Remus said firmly, wishing he knew what might have possessed Tonks to devise a plot with Lavinia that put them both into immediate danger.

"Don't worry your old fashioned ideals for a moment, she's not going to be near the caves, although she was very eager to come to your rescue. We have charmed a Portkey for you, once everything else has gone forward, which will take you to a safe location, far away from Greyback and the Ministry. She'll be waiting for you there."

"Oh, then why wait, why not just have the Portkey ready now and I can bugger off without all this talk of giving yourself over to Greyback?"

"Because, you silly old man, the blood magic protection spell, remember? No one can get in or out of these caves without Greyback's blessing. Or a drop of his blood."

Suddenly, footsteps not belonging to either of them could be heard, and Remus pressed himself against the wall, shielding himself from the eyes of whoever might be coming. A momentary flash of light illuminated the out cove where he and Lavinia were hiding as a guard lazily patrolled the tunnels, searching for anything out of the ordinary.

"Listen," said Lavinia, as the light from the guard's torch became fainter and Remus noted the real urgency in her voice. "No matter what happens, or what is said, or who might get hurt, you have to focus on that baby of yours and getting home. I'm going to be staying with just outside of the caves for the time being, so I'll be close and we'll communicate through Thaliard. He knows I'm back and I'm safe-" she said, answering the question that was just about to leave Remus' lips. "If everything goes as planned, we could have you out of here by the end of the week. Now, get back to your bed in the recovery cave before someone notices your absence. I'll have Thaliard come find you tomorrow and move you to his den with Thaisa."

"Lavinia, I don't even know what to say, how to thank you properly," Remus started feeling so overwhelmed by her true loyalty and friendship and guilt that he had ever plotted to destroy her or thought for a moment she could have ever been the one to turn him in.

"Don't worry, I'm still keeping count of how many times I've had to save your scrawny arse. When all this is through, I'm sure we can think of a way you can start to repay your debt. In the mean time, keep your head low and don't make cause any trouble."

"Easier said than done when you have a monsterous lunatic thinking you're some werewolf savior, or something."

"You would think of yourself as a savior, wouldn't you?" Lavinia said sardonically. "Don't worry RJ, soon enough all this will feel like a bad dream and you can go back to being the boring old professor you always have been."

* * *

><p>an: ahh so the plot thickens with the teaming up of Lavinia and Tonks to secure poor Lupin's rescue, but sacrifices will be made along the way, the price of which are unknown to any of them….

THANK YOU so much for staying with me as this three year saga moves forward and gets back on track! A thousand apologies once more for my absence, but you should be seeing more regular updates from this fic and hopefully from my other fics in the very real future. And how, you may ask, might speed along these updates? Why, with reviews of course! Each one of them are the fuel I need to keep me writing and rewriting into the wee hours of the morning, so be a dear, and post a comment, question, or any random musing, and know that my fingers are working away that much faster!


	30. Cry Freedom

**a/n: **the harry potter universe is not mine legally, blah blah blah, and therefore, no copyright infringement is intended. M rating for adult themes, and strong language. this chapter switches between Lupin's POV to Tonks and then back to Lupin's, indicated by an ellipse ( … ) as always I hope you **enjoy**!

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><p><strong>Chapter 30: Cry Freedom <strong>

"I still think the pair of you are about as daft as the day is long," Thaliard said, pouring more whiskey into each of their mugs of tea. "I don't like it, and if it all goes tits up, I don't want none of you coming back and haunting me, alright?"

Remus had to agree. The plan Tonks and Lavinia had concocted together was bordering on insanity, but from this point onward, he was leaving his fate in their hands.

"You have nothing to fear on that account," Lavinia said, rolling her eyes. "You'd be the last person I'd ever want to spend my afterlife haunting, believe me."

"Like you'd have someone better in mind," Thaliard muttered. Although all banter on the subject had been kept friendly over the past few days, now that the stakes were becoming higher, the pressure was affecting all of them, more so it seemed with Thaliard. "But this whole thing is bloody unbelievable, you know that?" he said quietly, shaking his head. Remus knew that it was going to be stretch for Thaliard to jump on board any plan that involved Lavinia giving herself so willingly to Greyback, but his stubbornness in this matter was boarding on the point of ridiculousness. Unconsciously, Remus began playing with his silver wedding band, which had not tarnished throughout his entire experience. _No doubt it had been Goblin made_, he thought to himself.

"Thal, I don't need your permission to do any of this," Lavinia countered his protests with a little more contempt as the strain of the past two days had begun to take their toll. After Remus had moved into the Thaliard's den, a small shabby two-room space nearer the outskirts of the living quarters in the caves, he had done just as Lavinia had asked and kept his head low, out of sight from Greyback. While he had pretended not to exist in Greyback's eyes, Lavinia had been setting aside every ounce of her pride and self worth as she seduced her way back into Greyback's good graces. She had use the excuse of Caliban's demise as her moment of clarity, and how much this pack meant to her, and was very aggressively making her status known about where she believed her place in the pack should be. In Greyback's mind, she had already proven herself a loyal pack member, and he no doubt had been swayed more by her charm than her loyalty, thinking more with another part of his anatomy than his reason. Other females who were desperate to become the all too coveted spot as Greyback's "mate" and therefore alpha female, did not take to kindly to Lavinia's sudden change in heart, as they knew Lavinia, with her startlingly light blue eyes had once been sought after by Greyback himself, and therefore had a better vantage to claim the choice position. So while Lavinia dealt with backstabbing females, and her none too supportive friend Thaliard, Remus spent time with Thaliard's daughter Thasia and with some of the other pups, telling them stories, and secretly trying to teach the older ones to read. Well, at least to the ones who would sit still long enough to listen to his lecture. It seemed with Pack Leader's attentions focused solely on Lavinia's new flirtation, he had not thought to deal with Remus, or to try and push him to fulfill his intentions of transforming without the moon. Overall, the plot Tonks and Lavinia had hatched together had been progressing smoothly, and so far, Lavinia had been saved from giving her body over to the devil.

"Liv, I thought you were dead, I searched for you or for your body for days, I'm not going to lose you again, and you are asking for trouble messing about with Greyback like this."

"Thal, he's not going to harm me, not when he thinks there's a chance I might become his mate."

"And Lupin, you're fine with her doing this? So willingly giving herself to the man who had violated her-"

"Enough!" Lavinia said, rising to her feet as her voice echoed through the den. Knowing the dens to be all interconnected to one another and knowing secrecy to be their most valuable ally, she steadied her temper as the crackling fire was merrily dying away. "Look," she said more calmly, sitting back down to rejoin Thaliard and Remus, "this is my life, therefore, my decision. If I am able to get a drop of Greyback's blood and can help get RJ out from here to be with his wife and kid, then that's the only point that needs discussing. So no more talk of my soiled honor, or whatever you and your bloody chivalrous code might have a problem with."

"And you seriously don't have a problem with this?" Thaliard asked Remus again, and Remus could see the desperation in the man's eyes. Looking down to his silver wedding band he knew that he should be protesting, that Lavinia did not have to degrade herself so much to go back to the man that violated her in the first place, however, he just wanted to go home, to go back to Nymphadora, to hold her once more, to tell her he loved her.

"I've already expressed my concern about Lavinia going through with this idea. I would never want to see her put in the position where she could harm herself physically or emotionally, and especially not for my sake. I'm certainly not looking for anyone to become a martyr for my cause."

"But if I'm that close to Greyback with his guard down, I know I can get his blood for you to leave, better yet, I could get your wand back for you." Lavinia said, and she spoke with true conviction. He knew that if anyone could get close to Greyback without his knowledge it was Lavinia, but he certainly hated that it had to be to the extreme of having to "mate" with him.

"I know you can do this, you're an incredibly strong woman, Liv," Remus said, a sad smile on his face. He was slightly disgusted with himself that he should be so weak that he would allow one of his truest friends to do all the hard work herself, when she had nothing to gain in the endeavor. His guilt was doubled as well seeing that not too long ago, he had been plotting her demise, thinking her guilty of betraying him.

Thaliard scoffed, throwing his hands in air. "I don't know what the fuck has gotten into both of you, but you've gone completely mental."

"You know RJ can help us to leave the caves for good, you know he can. He has friends that can help us, protect us from the Ministry and Greyback. You could raise Thasia the way you want to, away from the poverty and filth."

"But it's not a guarantee. Look, mate," Thaliard said, speaking to Remus, "I'm sorry you're stuck here with the rest of us, and I know your wife is up the duff, but I just can't risk my life, not for something I don't believe in."

"And I can respect that, Jack, I can, and I would never ask you to do something that you didn't believe in, especially when it was a risk to your daughter. But if there is a chance I can leave here to secure Dora and I's safety, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you and Thasia and Liv never have to come back to this dreadful place."

"And if I never have to see this damp, disgusting subterranean hell hole again," Lavinia added, "or be under constant threat by the Ministry or being put in the pit, then I would sleep with every wolf in these caves. Because my freedom as a witch and as a woman is so much more important than a few moments of unpleasantness."

"I feel sorry for you, Liv," Thalaird said not quite meeting her eyes. "I saw what they did to your mum, and you have been put through the ringer for the sake of this pack. But that's not why I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry because you think so little of yourself that you are willing to be used like this. That's not the woman I knew so long ago. That's not the woman Bass fell in love with. That's not the woman I-"

"Just shut your mouth, Jack Thaliard," Lavinia said, her head held low, and in the dying firelight Remus could see that tears had brightened her icy blue eyes. "You don't know anything."

"I'm going to check on Thasia," Remus said quietly sensing the two might need a moment alone. He bowed out of the main part of the den to a little out cove where the sleeping areas had been made. The tiny little girl was still sound asleep, her breathing slow and steady. He wasn't ready to go back out to the others so stayed and watched the little girl a little longer. Although he was in the sleeping cove, he could still hear Lavinia and Thaliard's conversation.

"You know I love you, Liv, you have to know that," Thaliard said quietly.

"Jack, don't start with this-"

"I'd be shocked if you didn't know," Thaliard laughed in spite of himself. "I'm sure you've heard it said around the caves more than once with gossip as it is here, and knowing just how intuitive you are, you probably knew even before I did."

"I know... I always sort of knew," Lavinia said, her voice equally as low.

"Did you know that the only reason Bass approached you that night in the pub was because I didn't have the bollocks to go talk to you?"

"You... You were there that night?"

"But after seeing how well you and Bass seemed to be getting on, I decided to leave. But I've always wondered what might have happened if I could have gotten to you first."

"We might not be friends for starters."

"You mean you wouldn't have liked me chatting you up?"

"When Bass first introduced me to you, I thought you were a bit of a git to be honest."

"Well there's some truth I could've done without... Way to wound a man when he's vulnerable."

There was pause and Remus stood up to make once more for the fire, however Lavinia spoke making Remus stop in his tracks.

"Bass might still be alive," she said, genuine emotion in her voice. For as strong as Lavinia was, and after having endured so much from her childhood, in her tragic marriage and in the caves, Remus had never seen her properly breakdown and cry. But hearing the sounds now coming from the common area, it seemed her armored facade had finally been broken down. It was too much, what she was proposing to do, too much and he knew that, he would never have asked her to do anything on his behalf had it not been the fact that this plan had come into existence from both she and Tonks, and although Tonks did not have the same kind of relationship Lavinia and Remus had, and had once seen Lavinia as a rival, she would never needlessly put a woman in a precarious situation just for her own benefit.

"Please don't do this, Liv," Thaliard said, now seeming to plead with her.

"I have to, Thal, I have to do this."

Remus could hear Thaliard sigh, his voice getting even lower now. "He's never going to love you, not the way you love him."

"I don't-"

"Oh, come off it Cormier, I thought we were better than lying to each other," Thaliard said, with a scoff and Remus felt guilty for listening in to their conversation, but his curiosity won out over his sense of propriety.

"I'm not in love with him, Jack, at least, not anymore. I won't deny that I'm attracted to him, and we might have had something last year... but he's completely taken with his wife and she's arse over elbow in love with him. Besides, I... I don't think I can love anyone, not really. I'm ... I'm damaged goods, as they say."

"Liv," Thaliard said not buying into her self-pity.

"No I'm serious, Thal, I'm not just saying that for some forced sympathy. Having always been kept in basements and cages and caves since as far back as I can remember, I don't think I know how to properly love anyone or anything... Well, other than the preservation of my own life. Looking back, I don't even think I really was in love with Bass. But, Jack," she said interrupting Thaliard's attempts at protest, "I see an opportunity for us to have a better life, and I'm going to take that chance. I only hope that you'll be with me when I'm no longer surrounded by people telling me who to be, or what I am, or how to act as though I couldn't possibly know better. You make me a better person, Jack Thaliard, and I would have drowned in my own grief had you not pulled me back from the brink. But I want to have the opportunity to create a life where we don't have to be imprisoned by walls or restrictions."

"If you haven't noticed, Cormier, we're werewolves, there are always going to be restrictions if not placed by the government than by our own conscience."

"But if there was a chance for Thasia to grow up without having to worry about Greyback's rules or if there was a chance for her to go to Hogwarts some day, wouldn't you want to give that to her?"

"You know you can't bring the kid into it, that's not fair."

"But Thal, that's just it. RJ has a chance to see his kid in that position, his kid could go to Hogwarts and have the life that any parent would want for their child, and I'm not going to stand idly by while that child might grow up without its father. Or worse still, if that child does inherit our disease that it should grow up without the one parent who would be able to help them the most."

There was a momentary lapse in the conversation, the crackling fire the only sound Remus could hear. He felt guilty for listening in on their conversation, something shared in confidence but had they really wanted to keep it to themselves, he reasoned, they would have kept their voices lower or taken the conversation elsewhere. Perhaps they had _wanted_ to Remus to hear.

"Fine, I still don't like it," Thaliard said finally breaking the silence.

"And you don't have to," Lavinia said stubbornly.

"Just promise me that when you get your hands on that disgusting monster's blood, you run as far away from these caves as you possibly can. Don't worry about sticking around to protect Thasia and I we can manage for ourselves. I don't want you lingering about unnecessarily so Greyback can have an excuse to... I don't know... Further sully your honor."

"Merlin forbid my precious honor to be sullied further," she said sarcastically with a forced laugh. "Why, no man would want me or my dowry now that I have harmed my chances for an advantageous marriage!"

"Oh, piss off would you," Thaliard said now starting to find his sense of humor again, and Remus felt it might be safe to venture out to join them once more.

"So, professor, did you get enough gossip to satisfy even your insatiable curiosity?" Lavinia said, her one eyebrow was raised knowingly. Remus felt himself blush slightly, grateful for the dying firelight so that his guilt might be hid from her all too knowing gaze.

"I can't possibly imagine what you mean," he said innocently as he could.

...

"Shouldn't we have heard something by now? The plan was to go in, and then get him out, how hard could it be to get a few measly drops of blood?" Tonks said, pacing the kitchen floor, speaking aloud more to herself than to her mother, who was up to her elbows in potion brewing.

"I'm sure that they are taking every precaution and something might have got in the way. You need to stop worrying so much, everything will turn out for the best." Andromeda said, noncommittally, reading the list of potion ingredients once more to double check her work.

"I just can't believe I went along with that insane idea of hers, I knew I should have just gathered up a bunch of Order members and taken out the whole bloody cave system."

"Which was out of the question, as she pointed out. It would far too dangerous for you, and the outcome completely uncertain for anyone involved. Let the dogs take care of their own," Andromeda said, placing a new rat tail into the cauldron, a faint green haze now filling up the kitchen.

"Mum, please, not now with the dog talk," Tonks said, not in the mood for another row with her mother.

"Oh, right, the _'lycanthropes_', excuse me," Andromeda said with sarcasm, and Tonks scoffed at her mother's attempt at being 'politically correct'.

"I just wish there was a way to check in to see how it's going. All I can do is just sit here twiddling my thumbs, waiting for any kind of word that is was going to work."

"Well, if you want to make yourself useful, why don't you get the jar of beetle wings from the pantry?"

No sooner had Tonks handed the jar to her mother, all the while mentally listing methods of communication she might employ to contact Lavinia, the sound of a poorly made owl sound could be heard from the back garden.

"Do be careful, Nymphadora," Andromeda said, watching Tonks scramble to get to the back door. "You can't know who might be out there."

Wand held at the ready, Tonks cautiously made her way through the garden, looking for the source of the hooting, thinking perhaps her anxious mind had created the sound.

"_Hoot, hoot_," said the badly mimicked owl sound coming from somewhere toward the edge of the property. Tonks hooted back, waiting to see who was going to emerge. A man, perhaps a few years younger than Remus, stood carefully erect, looking around for the woman he was to be contacting.

"Nymphadora?" he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Tonks," she corrected him, hurrying over to his hiding area.

"Yeah, sorry, Lupin said you didn't like that," the man said apologetically. "I knew I shouldn't say anything, and then, of course it's the first thing I ask, really foot in mouth. Not the best first impression, I'm sure. Thaliard," he said, extending out his hand for Tonks to shake. She could see there were a few pieces of paper in the palm of his hand. Tonks looked to the paper in his out stretched hand and then back to the man who had identified himself as Thaliard. She knew that there was a large possibility Lavinia not be able to return herself, however, her Auror training had made her sensitive to suspicious characters carrying suspicious parcels. Not that these scraps of paper could really be anything nefarious, she just wanted to make sure she was not going to find herself on the wrong end of this meeting.

"Oh, Merlin, just take the blasted notes. They're from Lupin, and if you don't believe me I'm more than happy to read them aloud."

Tonks still hesitated, not sure to trust this man who so rudely and abruptly was making her acquaintance for the first time. Thaliard sighed, and began to unfold one of the scraps of paper, clearing his throat dramatically. "_My Dearest Dora, It has felt like a millennia since I have felt your warm embrace-_"

"Yes, alright give it here," Tonks said blushing, ripping the paper from Thaliard's grasp.

"Aw, just when it was getting good," Thaliard said, and Tonks noted his cheekiness.

"So apart from missing me, how is he?" Tonks asked, not daring to finish reading the rest of the note in front of this rude stranger.

"As well as to be expected, his leg is healing and he could do with a bath and a warm meal, but nothing so life threatening just yet."

"And Lavinia, how is she? I see she wasn't able to make the trip herself," Tonks said, and she saw something akin to bitter resentment in Thaliard's eyes.

"Fine," he said briskly, "She send her regards. Do you have it?"

"What?" Tonks asked, feeling foolish that this total stranger had more control over this transaction than she had.

"The Portkey," he said, looking at her as though he had not been told he was to be dealing with someone this dense, "do you have the _Portkey_? I assume that's why I was dragged all the way out here and you out of your warm and cozy house."

"Of course," Tonks said, reaching into her coat pocket to pull out a small silver key. She tapped the key once with her wand, performing a Portus Charm as it glowed instantly blue, charming it into a Portkey. As part of her and Lavinia's plan, at midnight precisely, this key would glow once more and take him to a small flat she had let for a month in the town her parents had started their lives together, a place she was sure that they would not be followed, a place where she hoped they could begin to repair their relationship. She had told no one, not even her mother, where she was going to be meeting Remus, although seeing as she had used the town she had spent her early childhood in, she would hope her mother might figure it out eventually.

"Thanks, I'd better get going, don't want to be late for all the fun," Thaliard said, turning and Tonks thought for a moment that he might not deliver the key as promised.

"You tell him to be safe, and if it doesn't seem likely for everything to go smoothly tonight, then try to send word and we can plan for another night."

"Sure thing," Thaliard said, not offering her the courtesy of turning around to speak to her face to face.

"HEY! What's your problem?" Tonks finally asked, fed up with his cavalier attitude. "A man's life might be at stake here, and you act as though he's just out for a Sunday stroll."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Thaliard said, finally turning around to look at her, and Tonks was sure she saw the resentment etched into every scar and premature line on his young face. "You must think I'm not handling the golden boy's life properly. Terribly sorry, shall I hold his hand as he pours blood on the entrance of the caves as well?"

"You know, here I thought I was dealing with someone who cared. Clearly I was wrong. Some friend you turned out to be," Tonks rounded on him, her temper having already been so close to the surface living with her mother now seemed to rear its ugly head without a second thought.

"My dear," Thaliard said, his voice low and slightly menacing, and Tonks gripped her wand a bit tighter, "you have no idea what friendship means."

"Maybe I should deliver the key myself, because I doubt you are capable of performing even the simplest task. In fact, tell Remus that the plan is not going through because YOU had to put your foot in your mouth."

"This plan is going through, whether the danger has passed or not, because I'm not for a moment, going to allow Lavinia to give herself to that beast anymore than is strictly necessary."

Tonks was about to retaliate, however, his words caught her off guard. This wasn't about having to play the messenger or have his life put in danger; this was about a girl.

"You love her don't you?" Tonks said, almost accusing him, smirking slightly as though she knew his most private secret.

"I don't know what-"

"You do, don't you? That's what's put your knickers in a twist, because Lavinia has to get close to Greyback."

"Well, if you hadn't suggested it, or if Lupin for once could act like a big boy and fend them off himself, she wouldn't have to degrade herself."

"Thaliard, she was the one to suggest it. We were running out of ideas, because so many factors were at play, so we were trying to think of anything that wouldn't place so many people at risk for Greyback's retaliation. And then finally, she came up with the plan you seem to have such a problem with."

Thaliard, silent for the first time since he had introduced himself, looked slightly sheepish and could not face Tonks directly.

"Look, I tried talking her out of it, because to be honest, I couldn't think of a more horrible way to free Remus, but she was insistent that this was the best plan we had."

"Stubborn girl," Thaliard muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"If there was another way of getting Greyback's blood, or having him grant Remus permission to leave, we would have thought of it. But if Lavinia is able to get close enough to Greyback to, say, in a moment of passion, spill his blood, then that's the play we're going to use."

"I just wish there was another way. I know you want your husband home, but you couldn't have waited for another time to spring him free. Perhaps, say, when Greyback is dead?"

"Unfortunately, time is not on our side," Tonks said putting a hand subconsciously to her stomach.

"Oh, right," Thaliard said, seeing her reaction and suddenly becoming shy. "Look, we really did get off to a bad start and I'm sorry I've been short with you. Wish I could blame the time of the month, but this whole situation has me on edge. If they get caught and find out I've been wrapped up in it, it's not only my hide on the line but my daughter's as well."

"I... I didn't know you were the one with the daughter." Tonks said, appreciating Thaliard a little more.

"Yeah, well, didn't ask, didjah? Anyway, I'll give him the key, and if Liv can't deliver the goods tonight, then you'll be hearing from me."

"Looking forward to it," Tonks said, matching his usual sarcasm. She stood for a while in the garden, watching as Thaliard made his way past the protective barrier and Disapparated. She had not realized just how long she had been standing there, and it was dark before her mother came out scolding her for being outside without at least a jumper on. But she could not move, frozen not by the chilly night air, but by the fact that she felt sure that this plan was going to fail, as there were too many variables at play and too many lives on the line.

...

That evening, change was in the air and Remus could feel that tonight would be the night he would finally have the chance to reunite once more with Tonks. Even Thaliard, though still continuing his mantra of disapproval, seemed to sense the change in the winds. After he had returned from his mission, Remus could smell Dora's scent on him, and thought, perhaps foolishly, that he could smell just how much she wanted him back just as badly as he wished to be home. The thought gave him hope and as Thaliard gave him the small silver key, Remus clutched to it as though it were a lifesaver given to a drowning man, as it was his lifeline to Dora and to their life together once more. Thaliard also informed him that a late night meeting had been called that all the wolves would be in attendance as a special announcement was to be made by the Pack Leader, and by the tone in Thaliard's voice, there was no doubt as to what the topic of conversation was to be about; Lavinia had seen the plan through to the end. There was no word as of yet if she had managed to get Greyback's blood but Remus felt confident that he would be leaving these caves one way or another. He hoped, however, that Lavinia herself had not been harmed in the process.

Helping Thaliard with Thasia, he joined the rest of the pack as they congregated to the large meeting cave where the rudimentary skylight revealed a clear night with dazzling stars. Through the dense crowd, Thaliard and Remus carefully pushed their way forward, trying to find Lavinia. But no sooner had they come towards the center of the gathering did they see her, beaming as people were standing in line congratulating her, wishing her every happiness, as though this were her wedding day. Remus was flooded with a sickly feeling, his stomach lurching uncomfortably as these well wishers could only be wishing her well as their new alpha female. He knew this was going to happen, that if the plan could come to fruition Lavinia might be made alpha, yet when the reality had presented itself, he could not help but to think that they all had made a terrible mistake in playing this game. Thaliard look as if he might physically be sick, but approached the honored female with the same reverance as the others.

"Congratulations," he said when their turn in line had finally come. "May you produce many strong and healthy pups for our great Pack Leader."

"Thank you," Lavinia said without emotion, kissing Thaliard once on each cheek and touched Thasia on the head with a warm smile. As Remus approached, she grasped both of Remus' hands into her own. Remus felt a small vial slip subtly into his own hands, and carefully kept it pressed against his palm while others wait for their turn with the new Alpha. "I know we had been friends, and I know perhaps your ultimate loyalty lies elsewhere. But I do hope that you take my new position as a sign that I believe in the cause of the great Pack Leader, and hope you remain a loyal follower if not to him, then to me."

"To you I pledge my loyalty, may you give Pack Leader the strength the lead with conviction for the best interests of our people."

Lavinia kissed him once on both cheeks as she had done to Thaliard, and Remus could see the strain she was truly under. She paused for no more than a heartbeat on his second cheek and whispered, "_Run_."

He smiled and turned toward the less crowded area as though nothing out of the ordinary had just taken place. He and Thaliard pushed back away from the mass of people. "Playing her part well, I just hope there is time for her to escape now that she is Alpha. She'll have someone watching her day and night, and there's no way Greyback would let her out of her sight."

"He's not here now," Remus said, looking around the common area for any hint of Greyback. Remus looked through the hole in the cave and saw the position of the innocent waning moon and knew his time was beginning to run short. "I think this is my best opportunity, with everyone so distracted."

"Good luck, mate," Thaliard said, repositioning the squirming infant in his arms.

"I'll be seeing you soon," Remus promised, and though Thaliard still looked skeptical, he nodded his head firmly in solidarity. Remus quickly and quietly slid past people, talking wildly about the new addition to the hierarchy; gossip it seemed had turned their carefully guarded plot for freedom into a wild romance, complete with the unborn child she simply must be carrying, perhaps the savior child to them all. Remus rolled his eyes thinking of how much Lavinia would laugh if she could hear these rumors. Finally, with the entrance to the caves in sight, Remus looked down to the tiny glass vial Lavinia had put into his hands. There was perhaps no more than three drops of Greyback's dark red blood, but it was just enough to grant him his freedom, just enough to give him hope that everything would work out for the best.

Approaching the entrance, he pulled the tiny cork from the vial and poured the entire contents out onto the dirt. Although nothing happened as far as he could see, Remus felt the magical energy change. He took a cautious step out from the caves and into the night. Nothing happened. As soon as he felt sure that no one was watching and he was safe from the consequences of breaking a blood magic barrier, he ran. Ran as fast as he possibly could on his still injured ankle, ran as fast as his still weakened body was able to carry him, ran as fast and as far as he could away from caves. Finally, his tired body began to give out on him, and he slowed his pace until he could no longer walk.

"Just a few more moments," he told himself panting, holding on tightly to the key, "just a few more moments and I'll be back to her, I'll be back home."

No sooner had the stitch in his chest began to ease, the key glowed brightly blue and Remus had the sensation of a hook being caught around his naval, spinning wildly out of control, before coming abruptly back down on the ground. He quickly scrambled to his feet once more, trying to get a better understanding of where he had been taken. Instead of seeing Ted and Andromeda Tonks' large home, he had been sent to an unfamiliar neighborhood, all quietly sleeping, unaware of the ragged man who had seemingly come crashing in from nowhere. He looked down to the key, wondering if somehow it had been tampered with. Upon closer examination under the light from the brightly lit street lamps, he saw the number "42" etched carefully on the key's handle. Knowing his registration number to be "4205", Remus found the coincidence too similar to be ignore and decided to head for the row house number 42. He looked to the house that had been turned into apartments and noticed all the floors to be dark, as though no one was home, and Remus thought that this might have been an incredible mistake. However, no sooner had he begun to fit key to lock, the door burst open and a flash of bright pink startled him.

"Remus," Tonks said breathlessly, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Stunned for a moment that what was now happening was not some sort of dream, he stood there with his arms pressed to his side, simply taking in her scent, her warmth, every molecule in his body screaming like he had been lit aflame.

"Oh, Dora," he said, coming back to his senses, his weight collapsing into her arms. "I love you," he said, his head still spinning, reeling from finally being home and in her arms.

"I love you more, you silly man," she said, tears streaking down her beautiful face.

"Impossible."

* * *

><p>an: reunited, and it feels so good! but now these two have the impossible task of rebuilding their love in a time of war, with their unborn child's fate so uncertain. we shall now begin to see how the ties that bind them, strengthen under their love and how their own destinies will be intertwined with the fate of the wizarding world.

like what you read? leave a note! i love hearing from everyone and anyone who want to jot down their musings for me. it really does help my fingers type faster and get new chapters out quicker. as a bonus for sticking with me all the way to chapter 30 (can you believe it?) here is an excerpt from the next chapter….

_"Show me."_

_He pulled back, looking at her with confusion etched into every line in his face._

_"Don't tell me, Remus…show me."_

_"Show you?" He whispered, brow slightly knitted, his heart beginning to race thinking she could only mean one thing._

_ Her eyes and hands traveled to the edge of his shirt where she tugged slowly, the fabric of the tuck sliding across his abdomen as she pulled it out. Underneath, her fingers found the edge of his trousers, grasped the buckle of his belt as she whispered again, "Show me, Remus."_

_She didn't have to ask him again._

**Excited for more? ;)**


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